Tim

Re: A Thread for Random Musings
 
I'll be back if I can think of anything worth making my 1000th post.

Re: Answers & Questions
 

 
Q: I've got this frog stuck in me. Will I be safe?
 
A: Kerry says he's a war criminal.

Re: A Thread for Random Musings
 
Bob Hope Classics!
 
Bob Hope passed on this year. Here is a tribute to him and his
humour.
 
ON TURNING 70
"You still chase women, but only downhill".
 
ON TURNING 80
"That's the time of your life when even your birthday suit needs
pressing."
 
ON TURNING 90
"You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the
cake."
 
ON TURNING 100
"I don't feel old. In fact I don't feel anything until noon. Then
it's time for my nap."
 
ON GIVING UP HIS EARLY CAREER, BOXING
"I ruined my hands in the ring ... the referee kept stepping on
them."
 
ON NEVER WINNING AN OSCAR
"Welcome to the Academy Awards or, as it's called at my home,
'Passover'."
 
ON GOLF
"Golf is my profession. Show business is just to pay the green
fees."
 
ON PRESIDENTS
"I have performed for 12 presidents and entertained only six."
 
ON WHY HE CHOSE SHOW BIZ FOR HIS CAREER
"When I was born, the doctor said to my mother, 'Congratulations.
You have an eight-pound ham'."
 
ON RECEIVING THE CONGRESSIONAL GOLD MEDAL
"I feel very humble, but I think I have the strength of character to
fight it."
 
ON HIS FAMILY'S EARLY POVERTY
"Four of us slept in the one bed. When it got cold, mother threw on
another brother."
 
ON HIS SIX BROTHERS
"That's how I learned to dance. Waiting for the bathroom."
 
ON HIS EARLY FAILURES
"I would not have had anything to eat if it wasn't for the stuff the
audience threw at me."
 
ON GOING TO HEAVEN
"I've done benefits for ALL religions. I'd hate to blow the
hereafter on a technicality."

Re: Answers & Questions
 
Q: Why has Zornwil been smiling since he left the Dentist's?
 
A: A Good, Black Friday the Thirteenth

Re: A Thread for Random Musings
 
Even though it is a landmark, I didn't want to start a whole new thread for this announcement.
 
ATTENTION! This is my 4000th post. All kudos and monetary tribute will be accepted.

Re: Answers & Questions
 

 
 
Q) Tim, why is Mightybec bleeding?
 
 
A) A bottle of Vodka, scotch tape and 3 pounds of dice.

Re: Answers & Questions
 
Q: The entire continent of Africa is starving, don't you have any empathy?
 
A: We're off to see the gizzard, and the rest of the GI tract too.

Re: A Thread for Random Musings
 
Could one of you pinheads negatively review this post for me? I want to see what happens. I couldn't bear to do it to anyone else just out of curiosity, so I offer myself up as an experiment. All in the interests of science, of course.
 
EDIT - three of you have already been very helpful. Thanks?
 
2d EDIT - Five now. Please stop. This is like taping a kick-me sign to my own back.

Q. Oh look the new tax return where you can voluntarily pay more. You did that last year. How'd it go ?
 
A. Alkaline indigestion

Q: How do you define the Garden of Neutrality?
 
A: Never again.... well, maybe.