Top 30 Random Facts About Jack Bauer

[Eyendasky80]

From http://www.notrly.com/jackbauer/

1. After the Fall, Jack Bauer quipped "Better to reign in CTU than serve in division." His wit appreciated, Bauer received the honor of murdering Chapelle as a reward.

 

2. God created the universe in 6 days. That’s 5 days 23 hours and 59 minutes longer than it took Jack Bauer to create God.

 

3. To prove a point, Jack Bauer lit Schindler’s actual list on fire.

 

4. The Drill Sergeant speech in "Full Metal Jacket," was actually based on Jack Bauer's first communion poetry reading.

 

5. Hector Salazar was the only person to survive (temporarily) after having received one of Jack's false "I give you my word" assurances. However, his shock when Bauer arrested Ramon disfigured his face so that he looks like he's always smelling poop.

 

6. Jack Bauer can sneeze with his eyes open.

 

7. Jack Bauer doesn't stop at stop signs.

 

8. When Russell Crowe threw a phone at that guy, Jack Bauer was on the other line.

 

9. Jack Bauer would have gotten the ring to Mordor in 24 hours.

 

10. Jack Bauer's favorite color is severe terror alert red. His second favorite color is violet, but just because it sounds like violent.

 

11. While being ‘put under’ in the hospital, Jack Bauer can count backwards from 100 every time. This annoys the doctors.

 

12. Jack Bauer knows what you did last summer.

 

13. What Jack Bauer whispered into Nina Myers' ear is so badass, your head would explode upon hearing or reading it. Nina merely went insane because it was whispered to her.

 

14. If you wake up in the morning, it's because Jack Bauer spared your life.

 

15. The Sistine Chapel was the result of Jack Bauer and Chuck Norris having a food fight.

 

16. Upon hearing that he was played by Kiefer Sutherland, Jack Bauer killed Sutherland. Jack Bauer gets played by no man.

 

17. Jack Bauer was never addicted to heroin. Heroin was addicted to Jack Bauer.

 

18. Jack Bauer killed 93 people in just 4 days time. Wait, that is a real fact.

 

19. If Jack Bauer was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Nina Meyers, and he had a gun with 2 bullets, he'd shoot Nina twice.

 

20. Jack Bauer has no problem following orders, unless you tell him to do something he doesn't want to.

 

21. Instead of buzzing, Jack Bauer's alarm clock screams out "THERE ISN'T ANYMORE TIME!"

 

22. If you get 7 stars on your wanted level on Grand Theft Auto, Jack Bauer comes after you. You don't want to get 7 stars.

 

23. Jack Bauer does not sleep. The only rest he needs is what he gets when he's knocked out or temporarily killed.

 

24. It is Jack Bauer who sees you when you're sleeping, and it is Jack Bauer who knows when you're awake. "Santa Claus" is just a stupid codename, and Jack Bauer killed the guy who assigned it to him.

 

25. Don’t tell Bill Paxton, but Jack Bauer actually has the Heart of the Ocean.

 

26. Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.

 

27. 1.6 billion Chinese are angry with Jack Bauer. Sounds like a fair fight.

 

28. Jack Bauer can kill people with his mind, he just enjoys shooting them instead.

 

29. When Jack Bauer realized he had the same initials as James Bond and Jason Bourne, he killed both of those punks using a water pistol.

 

30. Jack Bauer doesn't miss. If he didn't hit you it's because he was shooting at another terrorist twelve miles away.

[Badger]

Re: Top 30 Random Facts About Jack Bauer

 

On the Mordor thing.

 

Jack Bauer wouldnt have been effected by the ring like that wimpy little hobbit either. In fact Jack is so bad@$$ he probably would have handed the ring directly to Sauron, so he could have had a halfway challenging fight. Fight ending with Jack Bauer tossing Sauron into Mt Doom....... ring and all.