Drhoz

Flux, our technomage, has been mind-controlled and kidnapped by Talisman and the other bad guys. He’ll probably realise that going off with them was a bad idea, but not until the spell wears off. GM: 24 hours later you go B**** F***ing MINDCONTROL! Not that some of us have actually realised this yet - we’re still in a smoke and crow-filled California bungalow, where we were trying to pull Black Paladin apart like a stewed chicken. He teleported out before we could. Hero Shrew: Coward! Come back and fight like a man! *looks around* Where’s Flux? Allana: He got teleported out. Willingly. Hero Shrew: … what? Flux OoC: I’m going to put it all down to mind control. GM: You’ve seen the way Talisman dresses, right? There will be debate which brain you were thinking with. Scooter is bit upset. Quite more upset than the rest of the team are used to. Flux OoC: You weren’t nearly as upset when Fireflash was kidnapped. Hero Shrew OoC: Letting her be kidnapped was the PLAN. Then it went pear-shaped. Flux OoC: That’s true. We all panicked a bit when my thingy-detector stopped detecting. GM: ‘Thingy-detector’ - this is the level of competency Quadrant had before Allana joined. GM: Does ANYBODY in this team apart from Flux have any occult knowledge? Allana: Of course not. *pointing around the team from herself, to Scooter, to Fireflash, to Hardlight* Mundane, mundane, mundane, mundane and an idiot. And least there’s a few minions half-buried in the wreckage we can apprehend. Less happily half the magic circles were destroyed when Scooter burrowed up from underground. And the bungalow is still surrounding by guardian undead. Fireflash Hi, my name is Fireflash, this is my ID. You’re under arrest. Minions: Lawyer. Lawyer. Lawyer. GM: Sonya recognises some of the symbols though ‘Those are planetary symbols! They keep showing up in Sailor M- … never mind’. Her Geek is showing. Flux OoC: Are these headshot zombies? *BLAM* Nope, still moving - limbs it is then. Hero Shrew OoC: Unless it’s Saturday Morning Cartoons zombies, who always seem to revert to human at the end of the episode. GM: Even in Saturday Morning Cthulhu - I mean Inhumanoids. Hero Shrew: I’m going to have to ask Colin for time off from my other job. I’m going to have to concentrate on finding my friend. GM: You could always rent out one of those new Sleep Pods. Flux OoC: Non-zero chance of psychosis though. Hero Shrew: If we don’t find Flux soon, I’m probably going to go psychotic anyway. We DO try to track down where the bad guys got the generator, inflatable mattresses, and porta-potty from, but it’s hardly likely that Black Paladin, Talisman, and Shadow Dragon would have been hiding out here eating microwave dinners. This site was probably just one of their attempts to get their Big Project to work, and they’ve probably taken Flux back to their actual hide-out. And we’ve got no way to contact Alberich, the mage that showed up to assist in the previous battle. That doesn’t stop him and his Cabal (which apparently includes a necromancer, a former vampire, and a Moreau voodoo-practitioner) from finding us. Allana: Mr. Alberich is here. Sorry, I never found out if Alberich was a first or last name. From the scent Allana picks up, the wolf-Moreau apparently used some of Scooter’s hair to locate the team, but she doesn’t stick around long enough to ask. She used her magic to get Alberich here in a hurry. Alberich: So, there was a magic circle here. Which you destroyed. Allana: Scooter came up through it and the roof couldn’t support my weight. Alberich: A collective ‘you’. Apparently they were trying to bind a fire elemental. Our new Harry-Dresden-wannabe also analyses the residual magic to get us a bearing on wherever Flux was taken, and opens a portal. Using the same black smoky energy Talisman uses. This doesn't reassure Fireflash and Allana. But they’ll have to hold Scooter back once Alberich explains. Allana wisely waves her smartphone through the portal to get a GPS signal first - it’s Ellison Heights, a few blocks from Fireflash’s home. Allana’s plan is to grab Flux and bug out. The room on the other side is nice enough, but Allana can hear somebody watching porn nearby. GM: The guy watching porn has a stab vest and a shock rod. He uses it on Girl Scouts. Hero Shrew: What??? GM: Ok, that come out wrong - he uses it on anybody that comes knocking on the front door and won’t go away. Jehovah’s Witnesses. GM: The rest of the guys have gone to get everything on Flux’s shopping list. Flux IS there, gesturing and chanting over a pile of crystals. Allana: Sorry about this *punches Flux out* We grab Flux and everything that looks expensive or important and try and sneak out again. Happily, Alberich obliges with another portal. Scooter thinks he recognises one of the Moreaus in the porn, but doesn’t alert the bad guys by ejaculating something to that effect. GM: And in related news Dysprosium Dawn have a reduced presence on the streets for a while, because somebody rolled them, and they don’t want to say who. That’s because Flux told Black Paladin and Talisman they should steal the materials they need from Dysprosium Dawn. Flux: I was mind-controlled at the time. It also takes Allana to remind us we got our copies of Superhero Teams For Dummies from PRIMUS, and we all put it to one side because we were busy. Fireflash I was in the middle of exams at the time. My copy is back at Mum’s place, at the bottom of the ‘to read’ pile. Or maybe in storage. And Scooter is back working the door at the Collar Club when some guy in a suit apparently offers a job. He’s one of those excessively friendly people that leave Scooter baffled. Hero Shrew: Um, OK? My shift ends in an hour. Strange Guy: Great! I’ll meet you inside - take in the ambience. You stay you, champ. Hero Shrew: So what’s this job? I’m already working two. Strange Guy: It’s not a job offer, it’s a revenue stream. Call me Rep. Rep: You’re an important guy, Scooter - working a place like this isn’t really image-friendly. Hero Shrew: Hey, it’s the best titty-bar in the Zoo. Rep: We’re talking endorsement deals, licensed merchandise. You eat a lot of those food bars, right? Hero Shrew: Wow, you’ve really been doing your research. He also knows where the other team members live and work - or at least those with public identities. He also knows all about the importance of keeping secret identities secret. But apparently going to Allana’s clinic or Fireflash’s home would be more sleazy than going to the Collar Club. He only wants 15% of whatever deal he arranges for us, after Scooter talks it over with the rest of the team. Scooter calls Fireflash, at 3AM. She answers the videophone naked, but he doesn’t comment. GM: He works at a titty-bar. Hero Shrew: I see LOTS of co-workers naked. Fireflash So what impression did you get? Hero Shrew: 15% seemed fair? Flux: Net or gross? Hero Shrew: Can I get an action figure? Apparently the Rep also represents people like Sapphire, and a few of the Bay Area teams. Fireflash calls her mom to get advice - she’s a commerce attorney for accounting firms - and arranges a lunchtime meeting with the Rep, herself, her mom, and Flux. Hero Shrew needs to sleep, Hardlight has a krill-farming meeting he can’t afford to miss, and Allana wouldn’t fit in the chairs. Or perhaps she would have - the Rep has actually arranged reinforced steel chairs with the restaurant. Rep: Miss Helstrom, Mr Flux! And this gorgeous creature must be your sister? I know, I know, it’s an old compliment, I know she’s your mother. Afternoon, Mrs Helstrom, charmed to meet you. Rep: I can see Nocturne as the spokesperson for brassieres. What’s the biggest complaint for large-chested women? Lack of support! Fireflash *comparatively flat-chested* Really. Rep: And swimsuits for you! Rep: I’m talking those three magic words in marketing - Collect. Them. All. Fireflash’s mom certainly likes everything she’s hearing, and the example contract he brought with him is comprehensive. Flux: Why us? Rep: You’re new! Used to be Hero Shrew might have come across as tokenism - too much of an uphill battle for me. But now you have Nocturne - two Moreaus on the team, and two women! Great visuals. Fireflash What do you think, Mom? Ellen Helstrom: Well, I feel like I need a shower after this, but he really seems to been looking after your interests, not his own. Fireflash I think we can introduce him to the rest of the team. GM: At the very least it’ll be fun to watch fur crawl. Rep: Sonya, you change your outfits all the time, that’s great! Flux, you never change yours. We’ll ramp up the Snake-eyes aspect - all your details are redacted. It’s a SECRET! Allana: Glowy axes and shields... Rep: Hardlight is the Accessory Hound! Scooter has to be brushable. Allana: My toy is going to be HUGE.

GM: Why is that even still installed? Me: So, ‘No’ then? GM: Yes. I mean, yes to No. Me: that’s not very helpful - I’ve already pressed No. GM: I’m a computer engineer! Onka’s player: Then Yes and No should be your bread and butter. Patching up all the holes after our encounter with remarkably carnivorous grasshoppers, we proceed over the rooftops to the glassblower’s shop we were told about. One of the Elegiac Compasses is there, and apparently intact - with one important exception. The copper-wrapped quartz crystal that should be making up the core is missing. Happily, it was removed so recently that we can track the thief - apparently a young dragon. Zenobia: *sigh* So it saw something shiny and nicked it. Perhaps a blue dragon? The desert locale, and electrical properties of copper and quartz, would suggest it. But maybe not. Nemat: A juvenile blue dragon would be larger. The tracks lead to a large sinkhole behind the glassblowers, happily in a courtyard not crawling with zombies. Zenobia: Do we need to send up a Dancing Lights signal? Onka: What signal? ‘Here be Dragons’? Nemat: I’ve got rope. My parents gave me it, along with the rest of my kit. ‘It’s dangerous to go alone. Take this. And this. And this.’ Asrian carefully climbs down, and since her low-light vision is full colour, realises that the dragon isn’t a blue. It’s something much more unusual. It does explain why it wanted a 50-pound quartz crystal though. Asrian: It’s a crystal dragon. And it’s asleep. Nemat argues that diplomacy will be more successful than theft or killing her in her sleep. Nemat: Ahem! Cough! AHEM! Dragon: Five more minutes mummy… Nemat: AHEM! Dragon: WTF??? *jumps up and tries to look big* Who are you? Did Mum send you? How did you find me? Nemat: We followed your tracks. Dragon: … what tracks? *trying to look innocent* Nemat: From the compass. Dragon: Compass? Nemat: The one you took the crystal from. Dragon: What crystal? Nemat: *sigh* that crystal right there. Dragon: Oh, the shiny thing from the clock thing. Nemat: We kind of need that back. Look, why not use the glassblower’s shop as your lair, there’s plenty of shiny stuff in there. Dragon: Uh, zombies, duh? Nemat negotiates a deal - we clear out the zombie infestation, and she can be the guardian of the compass, as well as having a nice location for future business. Zenobia: Diplomancy wins again! Nemat: And I didn’t even have to use my penis. Yet. GM: You would have had a penalty at that - she’s not into males. Human males anyway. She looks at Zenobia with interest though. Asrian: MINE. Nemat’s player digs out his 140 year-old copy of ‘Enquire Within Upon Everything’ Zenobia’s player: Anything in there about clearing out zombie infestations? We stick our heads down the chimney of the shop. From the smell, it actually seems like the glassblower’s kilns have been in use recently, which is odd. Even more so, the bricks are still warm. Asrian starts climbing down - and gets grabbed at by a long black hand. What ever owns the hand soon regrets it. Zenobia: So, basically the same result as grabbing a cat by the belly? There is a lot of swearing, in a variety of languages. Asrian: That sounds like Zenobia, when I- nevermind. The Owner of the Hand: Palm! Oshwyt! Worm! We have intruders! Apparently somebody is using the glassblower’s workshop as an alchemy lab. Nemat soon deduces that the whole rumour about mumia use is true, at least if you’re careful with your abuse of the drug. Although it doesn’t do your bodily hygiene any favours. Nemat: But they don’t smell so bad when they’re dead. Zenobia: IgiveyouhalfasecondtosurrenderCHOP Nemat Petrifies one of the minions. The players all launch into ‘I Will Survive’. A little while later (and perhaps because the NPCs didn't join in the song) Zenobia is looking at the last surviving minion, who is still Petrified, and also on fire. Zenobia: Is he still alive? Nemat: I think so? Zenobia: … should we do something about that? Asrian: I could pick him up and put him outside. Nemat: He might have useful information. And it would be nice to take a prisoner back with us for once. Onka: We are law-abiding citizens, supposedly. Either way, these mumia-producers were very lucky that their stockpile of raw materials weren’t woken up by that necromantic pulse a week ago. Zenobia OoC: Well, Miss Crystal Dragon, it wasn’t zombies, it was Mumia producers. So if your new place of business has a reputation as a meth lab, that’s why. Nemat: Also, there’s a roomful of potential zombies in the side room, but we sealed it up and they should be fine if you leave them alone. Once we get it repaired, the Elegiac Compass projects a beam out across the rooftops, towards the centre of the Necropolis. Not entirely surprising. We still need to find another compass to triangulate it properly.

Champions - Return to Edge City : Heart of Darkness In Old Monterey, tracking down the Black Paladin’s powered armour army, and shortly to suffer the most grievous blow the team has yet endured. Hero Shrew points excitedly at his zombie detector. Flux, pointing with less excitement at the actual zombies. Hero Shrew: Flux. Flux. FLUX. Flux: Yes, I know, OK? Hardlight: There’s zombies? Flux: Yes, they’re RIGHT THERE. Hardlight: Oh. Shambly. Flux: Well, let’s HOPE they’re the shambling type and not the ‘i’m in your face eating it now’ type. GM: No, they’re not murder-wraiths. Hero Shrew: Wait, I’m Hero Shrew, not Hero Zombie. Flux: Give it a few minutes. At least Hardlight has tweaked his hardlight field to turn himself invisible now - maybe he can sneak past the zombies to see whatever is in the abandoned bungalow they’re protecting. GM: It’s been abandoned for years - it’s been vandalised, graffitied, etc. Hero Shrew: Maybe that’s what they made the zombies from. GM: Then their average IQ went up. And, indeed the inside of the building has been excavated, and the Black Paladin and his entire crew, three magic circles, a bunch of other minions doing fine engraving work, and multiple copies of the suits are in there. Incredibly, they don’t notice Hardlight creeping around. Or as he tiptoes away again, tripping over a bucket. Minion: The basic concept is sound my lord, but we overreached - we shouldn’t have gone for such a powerful animating force. GM: I can’t believe how badly I rolled for their awareness checks. It will take at least an hour for anybody that could survive a fight against the Black Paladin and the others to get here. We’re on our own. Hero Shrew: Well, at this point I’d ask if we know anybody with an Orbital Laser Weapon, but… Fireflash: There’s one person with that tech. And he doesn’t let anybody else have it. Allana: And it’s kind of unpopular after what happened to Detroit. There’s also the problem that anything heavy enough that we can drop on Black Paladin is going to be unhealthy for his human thralls. We instead plan to glide down onto the roof - right up until Scooter spots all the crows on the roof. Hero Shrew: Doesn’t the Black Paladin call himself the Knight of Crows or something? Fireflash: Can any of you dig a tunnel? Hero Shrew: I can. All: … Hero Shrew: What? You’ve never asked me to before. Of course, Allana won’t fit through Scooter’s tunnel - so she’ll have to infiltrate through the roof anyway. Flux can teleport in along the old cable tv lines. Hardlight: How can I move silently? Oh wait, I can fly. Flux: Scooter just need to pop through the floor like a horrible fluffy flower. Unfortunately, the roof of the building can’t even support the weight of Allana anymore, because all the internal walls of the building have been knocked out. Allana and Fireflash drop in, just as Scooter bursts out of the ground. And then the invisible figure on the roof jumps down the hole after Allana and Fireflash, talons out. Just as well Fireflash put her forcefield up. Even better, Allana has four arms, so she can hold onto Fireflash as Fireflash blasts people, and still grab Lady Crow by the ankles and throw her at Talisman. Morningstar tries to play Whackamole with Scooter. Morningstar: Round Two, fuzzball! Black Paladin: Really, Miss Helstrom? Fireflash: It seemed like a good idea at the time. Hardlight resists the impulse to telegraph his attack, and stays invisible and silent long enough to blast Black Paladin in the back. All it does is make the Black Paladin laugh. The swarm of crows mobs Allana and Fireflash, which doesn’t do her echolocation any good. But with her wings, toughness, and Fireflash’s forcefield, they’re as safe as if they were sitting in an Abrams tank. In fact, safer. Black Paladin: I’m disappointed Miss Helstrom - you KNOW my plan, and you STILL brought him? He teleports over to Flux and attempts to knock him out with his mace, the Crusher of Hope, and Talisman attempts to teleport the stunned Flux and her team away. Allana snatches Flux into her embrace next to Fireflash - if she can keep moving, Talisman won’t be able to snatch him. Fireflash attempts to blind the badguys, and the flash illuminates one of the side rooms - Scooter sees immobile figures - a lot of immobile figures. Hero Shrew: Hey, guys? I’ve found the exo-suits. Fireflash: Then smash them! Talisman might be intangible right now (since there’s a bunch of people in the room swinging highly energetic objects like fists, maces, and high-energy particle blasts around) but that doesn’t stop Hardlight blasting her out through the ceiling. Hardlight: Team Rocket is blasting off again! Morningstar, now blinded by the Black Paladin’s Fog Spell, is not having a good day, and seems incapable of hitting anything. Likewise, Shadow Dragon is being unpleasantly reminded how vulnerable he is to Fireflash’s blasts. Fireflash: Fate has chosen him to be the buttmonkey. Flux risks a blind teleport towards the exo-suits - and they’re bunched up nice and tight for his electrical attack. No point letting Black Paladin KEEP all the armour for his order of anti-paladins. Black Paladin is getting increasingly frustrated, since we’ve apparently learned how to tank - his hardest attack bounces harmlessly off Allana’s skull, and when she unfurls her wings Flux isn’t there. Black Paladin: WHAT?!? Unfortunately Talisman DID notice his teleport, and uses a mind control spell on our technomage. It’s pretty convincing, especially since he’ll get to tinker with things like the exo-suits. Talisman: Why resist us? We offer you Knowledge. Power. Safety. Come with us. Come with us. GM: And the rest of you have no idea what’s happening. Flux OoC: *groan* the city is going to suffer. Hardlight tries to clear the fog with a holographic giant industrial fan. Black Paladin draws his sword, the Eater of Shadows, and tries a shadow blast on Allana. Allana: Good idea, target my even stronger defence. *stalks forward, cracking her knuckles* Hardlight: Where the f*** are Flux and Hero Shrew? Flux OOC: Well, Scooter is over here near me, but hasn’t seen anything yet, and Sonja is still tucked under bat boobs. Hardlight’s submillimeter radar does see Flux and Talisman standing over in the other room. Hardlight: F***!!!!!!!! Whathername! She’s over there! Trying to kidnap thingy! Not very useful when we’re all blinded by fog and squawking crows. Allana grabs Black Paladin by the head and throws him through the wall in the direction of Talisman. Too late to stop Talisman, Morningstar, Shadow Dragon and Flux teleporting out. At least Black Paladin is still here, since he was moving at high speed at the time, through two walls. Fireflash: Grab an arm each and make a wish. Sadly, while the rest of us pile on the attacks, the bastard teleports himself away before we can twist his head off. We’ve got the exo-suits, but lost our friend.

Pathfinder : Mummy's Mask - Sidequest! Off to find a former friend of Unwrapped Harmony, who got a little too interested in mummification, and not in a sexual sense. GM: … Zenobia OoC: I derailed your brain, didn’t I? Sorry. It’s safe to assume he’s not a friend anymore, since she wants proof of his death in the form of a magical stone he swallowed. We sneak up to the old villa he and his Dark Creeper acolytes are hiding in. Zenobia OoC: Oh dear - I don’t do sneak well - it’s probably my ears sticking up above whatever cover we’re using. Apparently the giant Devil’s Coach-horse Beetles lurking in the yard think Zenobia’s ears look tasty. Zenobia blushes a bit later, when she sees how swiftly Asrian came to her rescue, but it’s hard to tell under all the acid burns. One of the Dark Creepers in the villa sticks his head out to see what all the noise was, just as Asrian trying to pick the other door. Zenobia tries to pull the door open as he tries to slam it shut again, keeping them both nicely busy why the others keep working at the other door. Since Asrian is wrapped in white cloth from head to foot, the acolyte leaps to an understandable conclusion. Dark Creeper: We’re being attacked by a gnoll, a human, an orc and a mummy! And the mummy is picking the lock! Other Dark Creeper: Who’s holding the door?! Dark Creeper: The gnoll! Other Dark Creeper: You’re on your own. Asrian: That’s not going to work, you know - you might as well open the door and we’ll let you run away. Nemat: We’ve only here for Gaunt Cadaver. Zenobia: Although Unwrapped Harmony would be pleased if you came home again. GM: The Dark Folk look like colour-inverted versions of you, Asrian. Asrian: I know - just shorter. Zenobia: I swear in the name of Sarenrae that I am not here to harm the rest of you. Asrian: Not the best idea, invoking the Dawnflower - they’re dark folk - they don’t like daylight. Zenobia: I still gave my word. Asrian: Fair enough. Look, you lot, just go back to the others - they’re welcome you, and you’ll be safe there. Apparently unwilling to risk being brutally murdered before Gaunt Cadaver can ‘enlighten’ them, the acolytes hood up and slink off back to the rest of their clan. For some reason reason they’d barred the doors to the inner courtyard of the villa too. Probably because there’s a humanoid mound of rotting flesh, bone and hair trying to drink from the fountain. Nemat, naturally, recognises what it is, and recalls to our general alarm that they’re mostly immune to magic. Still, going through the courtyard is clearly a better idea than going around the long way, like whoever put the monster here intended. Nemat: We are a party that believes in direct action. Of course, the door opposite is barred from the inside too. But using a pillar as a battering ram is a good shortcut too, and we burst in on Gaunt Cadaver mid-ritual, surrounded by his ‘enlightened’ followers - sapient zombies. He welcomes us and tells his minions to seize us for ‘enlightenment’. We object, strenuously, and recover the rock we’re after from the resulting piles of dust. Zenobia: No cascara required. But at least we know where the Elegaic Compasses are know - and Unwrapped Harmony is also aware of a masked figure spotted inside the Necropolis just prior to the necromantic pulse, who dropped a parchment that Unwrapped Harmony passes on to us. It’s an incomplete star chart. Unfortunately, we draw the attention of giant locusts when we go to the first location, which is pretty distracting when you’re trying to investigate a possible crime scene. It’s curious how many kinds of giant arthropods infest the Necropolis - you’d think there would be more giant carrion beetles, if anything.

Playing Blackstone Fortress - one of the PCs is playing the Kroot Mercenary, and another the Navigator Me: No wonder the Kroot is sticking close to the Navigator. The Kroot are directing their own evolution, by assimilating useful genetic traits from the species they eat. So if the Kroot eat enough Navigators, they'll acquire the Navigator gene and they'll be able to use Warp-travel properly. So if you happen to lose an arm while we're in the fortress, don't ask the Kroot what happened to it. Kroot: Can't you spare a finger? Navigator: I've got a finger for you right here.

Champions - Return to Edge City - King Arthur Is Public Domain The Usual Gang of Idiots Scooter ‘Hero Shrew’ Sorex - Superstrong but not completely stupid manimal Gareth ‘Hardlight’ Lowell - Geek CEO with hardlight holograms Allana ‘Superhero Name To Be Announced’ - Literal Batwoman Chris 'Flux' Jones - Paranoid computer wizard 'Fireflash' Helstrom - And you thought YOUR teenage years were a problem Black Paladin - Actual Arthurian villain Talisman - Gritty 90's Reboot of Bewitched Morningstar - Big Demonic A-hole With a Big Spiky Club Shadow Dragon: Master of Black Chi A picture of the week’s villain is posted up. He’s exceptionally bad news, and has allies almost as dangerous. Hardlight: He looks cool - I like him. GM: That’s the BLACK PALADIN! Hardlight: I hate him - let’s kill him. Flux: Sorry, let’s what??? Hero Shrew: Can we do what they did in that movie? Hardlight: Sure, what movie? Hero Shrew: Where they cut his arms and legs off and he says it’s only a flesh wound. GM: You’re joking, but this guy knew and HATES King Arthur. Hero Shrew: Who said I was joking? Allana intercepts the Paladin and his flying Destrier, scoops them up with her wings, and slaps them hard into the ground. Right next to Fireflash. GM: Let’s hope the steed’s barding works. Black Paladin: My thanks! *drawing his sword, Eater of Shadows, and slashing at Fireflash, who gets her forcefield up only just in time* Interesting! Evidently Black Paladin was looking forward to a mildly challenging fight. Hero Shrew: This is going to be expensive for the city. But if we can take him down it’ll be worth it. GM: Or just driving him away. Thwarting counts too. Fireflash: And we’re pretty good at thwarting people. Hero Shrew: Frustrating is not the same as Thwarting. Hardlight: Old-fashioned are you? Very well - PHOTON BLADE! GM: With your DEX of 15? This will be hilarious. Hero Shrew: Are you going to do the WHUMM WHUMM noises too? He actually manages to hit the bastard too - perhaps the Black Paladin wasn’t expecting lightsabres. GM: You actually cut him - guess who’s his bitch next round? He’s not Stunned. Hero Shrew: Surprised, maybe, that Gareth of all people managed to injure him. Black Paladin: You cut me. YOU CUT ME! Hero Shrew: It’s only a flesh wound! Hardlight hurriedly turns his photon blade into armour, and just in time - it even holds up to the knight’s blade. Flux: You realise you’re just making more trouble for yourself? You managed to hit him with a sword and then your shield was better than his. Morningstar, Shadow Dragon and Talisman emerge from wisps of black smoke. And another combatant enters the field,crashing through the fence around Weyland’s smithery! Some kind of golem, but not the iron one we saw patrolling earlier. Hero Shrew: Uh oh. Fireflash: And I imagine they’re not very happy with me. Morningstar: ROUND TWO! GM: Morningstar was given orders - lets see if he follows them. Morningstar puts everything into a charge against Hero Shrew, but Scooter isn’t even stunned, bouncing back to his feet and grinning hugely in anticipation of a fight where he doesn’t have to hold back. Shadow Dragon generates a field of blackness, to see if Fireflash is vulnerable to such - just as well he didn’t target Hardlight, who very much IS vulnerable to shadow attacks. Of course the Paladin’s ‘horse’ Darkling wants to get in on the fun too, and Battle Taxis Talisman over next to Flux. Flux: …. Hello? Talisman: Hello. Morningstar come over to say hi too, and Flux is soon held by the throat. Not ideal. Especially when Shadow Dragon cloaks the five of them in more shadow. Hero Shrew: Well, guess I’ll have to punch Black Paladin in the kidneys instead then. The battle that ensues doesn’t go as planned for anybody - every time the heroes try to pair off against an appropriate opponent, the bad guys instead switch their attentions to an increasingly panicky Flux who is only barely avoiding them by teleporting along the chain-link fence. We DO learn that Allana’s echolocation can see through Shadow Dragon’s darkness powers perfectly well, which is unfortunate for Shadow Dragon. Fireflash: Take out the minions! Black Paladin is too dangerous to take on when he has help! Allana: He’s only inflicted a single point of stun so far. Black Paladin: Really Miss Helstrom, you really think your powers are enough to deal with me? Hero Shrew keeps running out of nearby opponents. Hero Shrew: Guess I’m punching the horse. Yet another complication arises - somebody is trying to snipe Talisman with magical blasts. And ANOTHER mystery sniper shoots Hero Shrew, with an armour-piercing rifle. Hero Shrew: ****ing OW! That ****ing hurt! Allana proves that unnatural horses do indeed make good improvised weapons by using Darkling the Destrier as one against Talisman, before that sniper with the high-powered rifle tries to shoot her in the head too. There certainly seems to a pattern forming here - they’re using deadly attacks on the rest of us, but only Entangles and Grabs on Flux. Add to that hiring Weyland Smith to make those demon-enhanced exo-suits, and trying to forcibly recruit Guiltrider, it looks like they’re really here to kidnap Flux. GM: I want you, I want you, I want you as a new recruit! Flux: Save the technomancer, dammit! Talisman: Look, just ring his bell long enough for me to take him! Black Paladin: Very well, my sweet. Shadow Dragon plays possum, and is nearly killed by Fireflash when she spots him trying to sneak away. GM: Good thing you saw the blood splatter when the first part of the blast hit him, and pulled back your attack. ‘What the- I could have killed him!’ Hardlight bubbles Morningstar - although that might be just to stop Hero Shrew from kicking his head off - but it seems Talisman has giving up on the fight, and teleports her gang away, even out of the anti-teleport bubble. Black Paladin: Dear - we will have words about this. GM: Congratulations - you survived combat with the Dark Kingdom. Hero Shrew: *swaying a bit* So, who’s hurt? Flux: Nobody on our team. Fireflash: Yes we are, he cut me! Hero Shrew: *swaying more* That’s nice. GM: And now the rest of you realise Scooter was shot. It’s true - that sniper with the armour-piercing rifle hurt him quite badly, even if his later bullets just bounced off Allana. Just as well there's an angel floating around dispensing healing. Where did that come from, exactly? Perhaps that other, magical, sniper, that was taking potshots at the bad guys. Hero Shrew: Somebody was shooting at Talisman while she was all transparent, and I don’t think it was any of us. Anybody know who that was? Allana: *looking down the alleyway with her echolocation* Mystery Wizard: Oh crap. Well, time to reveal myself. Hero Shrew: Do we have to fight you now? Mystery Wizard: No, why would you do that? Hero Shrew: I don’t know - I’ve lost a lot of blood and I’m not thinking very clearly. Mystery Wizard: An associate warned me that a great evil would be worked tonight. Allana: Just a minute, I need to check whether Weyland was in that burning building. Mystery Wizard: Oh, he was. At first I thought it was him that would perpetrate the evil. Then I thought it would be the cultists. But then, of course, the Black Paladin showed his hand. We really don’t want another fight right now, and after a cryptic warning to his fellow Magus, the wizard and a large not-a-husky leave through a magical portal. Fireflash: Anything else we need to do tonight? Flux: I know a great Shawarma place. But while on the subject of roasted meat, we check the burning building for the body of Weyland Smith. By the looks of it, he burned from the inside out. A bit odd, although it seems likely he told his associates that we had been sniffing around, so they could plan the ambush. Scooter notices that there are an awful lot of crows hanging around, despite the late hour. Hero Shrew: You can’t eat him, he’s evidence! Flux suspects this is all related to an recent unpleasant incident in Millennium City, involving the Black Paladin, Talisman, the resurrection of the Paladin’s long-dead lover, and a couple of people unwillingly transformed into servants. And Shadow Dragon was calling Black Paladin ‘Master’, instead of ‘Boss’. All very worrying, especially if Black Paladin is trying to add Flux to his collection. Flux: That’s it, I’m building a Faraday Cage when I get back to the base - guess where I’M sleeping tonight! Hero Shrew: So, Black Paladin and his minions are playing Pokemon Go and they’re collecting Mage types. Fireflash: … Yeah that about describes it. Hero Shrew: And apparently they have a sniper now, too. Flux: I don’t remember seeing a sniper. Hero Shrew: I can show you the hole in my side, and I’m telling you it wasn’t moths. Hero Shrew: You want to send Witchcraft a text message? ‘You sister is collecting mages for her boyfriend’? GM: The more effort you put into making a force bubble teleport-proof, the easier it is to just punch your way out. Hero Shrew: Which is why you break their arms and legs first, THEN put them in a force-bubble. We should probably ask the Voodoo Crew if anybody tried to recruit or kidnap them. And find out exactly how many more of those demon-enhanced exo-suits might be out there. The odds are there are at least 7 more. Hero Shrew: We can’t even ask Weyland Sandford how many of the exo-suits he modified. Flux: Sure we can, we know the Voodoo Crew. Allana: OK, let’s change that to ‘we can, but probably shouldn’t’. And of course, we’re not sure why the DEMON cultists showed up - it’s possible they were here to recruit Weyland too. Fireflash: And it means there’s a DEMON base around here too, so we should probably find that and bring the hammer down. GM: That’ll be entertaining - they LOVE using Christian churches as a front. Hero Shrew: They don’t even have the common decency of pretending to be Scientologists so we don’t have to feel bad about levelling the building. GM: Not even DEMON messes with the Church of Scientology. But psychometric readings of their glowy sticks proves we got them them all already - this team of cultists were probably here to set up a cell in Edge City, so we’ve set them back badly. Why does the Black Paladin want animated suits of armour anyway? And does it relate to his purported personal knowledge of King Arthur et al.? Allana: The evil knights … of the pentagon table… or whatever. Hero Shrew talks with the cops, since the other four members are too distracted to notice. Hero Shrew: Hi guys. We got these guys, but Black Paladin, Talisman, and the other two got away. ECPD: Other two? Hero Shrew: Yeah, Dragon Boy and … Morningstar? Shadow Dragon! That’s it. But we got these guys and their glowy sticks. Oh, and we found a body in the wreckage there, but honestly I’m not sure it’s the real thing, so if we can be there for the autopsy, that’d be dandy. Hardlight: Oh Christ, Scooter is talking to the police. *runs over* Hero Shrew: I mean, if I knew Black Paladin and DEMON were after me, I’d fake my own death and get out of town, wouldn’t you? ECPD: No comment. Allana: Oh Christ, Hardlight is talking to the police. *runs over* Flux: She hasn’t been with us that long, how does she know that ‘Scooter and Gareth talking to the cops’ is a Code Scarlet situation? What is Black Paladin up to? Hardlight: Well, we’ll ask him next time we see him - I’m sure he’ll monologue about it for ten minutes. GM: No he won’t - he’ll just put his sword through you. Hero Shrew: Can we get a clue from his Amazon wishlist? Flux: Can you imagine if villains really did maintain a social media profile? Hero Shrew: I’m damn sure Foxbat does. Flux checks his magical tablet for any info on the Paladin, recorded in the Akashic Record. Apparently he’s the real deal - a genuine enemy of Camelot. Allana: Is he trying to set up his own version of Arthur’s Court? Hero Shrew: What’s the opposite of Round? Fireflash: Square? Hero Shrew: Donut? They all sit in the middle. Allana: But the point of the Round Table was equality. GM: Yeah, not really the Black Paladin’s thing. GM: Galahad’s still around though. In Stronghold Prison. Hero Shrew: Wait, what? GM: For one hundred counts of murder. Sure he was mind-controlled at the time, but he plead guilty to all charges. He says that he would never have succumbed to the mind-control if there wasn’t some flaw in his character. We should probably ask him about the Black Paladin. Hero Shrew: We don’t need face to face, video interview will do. GM: Nope. They don’t let tech near some of the super-criminals on that level. Flux: There are villains that can jump via transmissions. Hero Shrew: You, for example. Flux: They don’t let me NEAR where they keep supervillains. Flux: Who would he think are suitable recruits for the Knights of the Anti-round? Hero Shrew: Knights of the Donut. GM: At a guess, Lightning Man, Cloaca- Hero Shrew: … What? Allana: An unpleasant individual to be around. GM: It just means ‘dark’. And somebody, not Talisman, to be court wizard. Talisman is his Queen. Hero Shrew: Are Lightning Man and Cloaca in custody? GM: Hell no. Allana: Lightning Man keeps getting into cockfights with somebody in Brisbane. He’s one of about 4 Australian superhumans. There’s a few other candidates out there, but most of them are too independent of character to submit to Black Paladin’s leadership. The fact that Black Paladin is currently the Earthly Champion of Baphomet rules out some of the others too. Of course, Morningstar and Shadow Dragon were behaving a little oddly, so they might not get a choice in the matter. The ideal candidate would be Professor Muerte, but he’s been dead for years - sealed into his armour by a minion and dumped into the Pacific. And Talisman and Shadow Dragon were recently spotted on a boat off Baja, heading out to sea. Hero Shrew: F***!!! But that was a month ago, shortly after that other resurrection ritual they successfully did. And there’s another link we know about too - the mercenary Killzone regarded Muerte as a father figure, and her Doom Troopers are the last remnant of Muerte’s organisation Terror Inc. Fireflash’s research finally unearths an alarming fact - it’s not ten exo-suits that have vanished off the books - it’s fifty. She has brilliant idea - the exo-armour may have vanished off the face of the earth, but they’re still going to need specialist tools for maintenance. And the synthetic muscle will need feeding. GM: ‘It’s your job to keep these suits running’ ‘Do I have a budget?’ ‘No’ ‘... You realise I’ll have to steal the stuff I need, right?’ ‘I don’t care’. And Tyrell Corp recently had one of their Robot Maintenance workshops raided. At least we’re on good terms with the ECPD, although they may look askance at Flux doing rituals in their evidence locker. Flux: ‘What’s he doing with that rubber chicken?’ GM: No no no - he might be a technomage, but the last time he used a rubber chicken it went cluck. The ritual apparently conjures up a living canine Tamagotchi sprite, which escapes through a phoneline. Hero Shrew: What the hell was that? Flux: Ask me again in about 14 hours. It also tracks down the stolen tools to part of Old Monterey. And something in Old Monterey sets off the zombie detector that Flux made for Hero Shrew, after that whole incident at the shopping mall.

Pathfinder - The Mummy's Mask : Job Interview Nemat: When I called you a slippery little pig yesterday it was not intended as a racial slight. Onka the Half-orc: It’s OK. Nemat: You CAN airburst Fireballs, you know. Zenobia: Thereby getting the target, and anybody tall who’s standing nearby? Nahkt Shepses has set up a small arena for our test. A small crowd has gathered to spectate - which could be a problem since all of us have magic of one form or another, and many spells are Area of Effect. Nahkt is also doing his best to undermine Sebti in his speech to the crowd. Nakht Shepses: As you may have heard, the Mausoleum has had a slight disagreement yesterday. I and the Voices of the Spire plan to send our greatest Psychopomps throughout the city to root out this undead menace, and uncover the source of the corruption plaguing our city. Sebti and the Pharasmean priests wish to send these adventurers into the necropolis on a wild goose chase for old compasses! Crowd: *scattered laughter* Nahkt: So we shall put these ideas to the sword to see whose is strongest! I do not wish to see more death in this city, so the first to render the other unconscious shall be the victor! Nahkt is siccing his personal psychopomp and two other servants of his particular sect on us. GM: Welcome to the miniboss. He magnanimously gives us a chance to prepare. Zenobia, of course, Blesses the party, and Asrian surrounds herself with illusions of herself and Zenobia silently curses where her imagination takes her. The first Esobok pounces Nemat and gets poked in the eyes. Asrian blinds the Vanth with Glitterdust. Nemat insults all the psychopomps with Blistering Invective. Zenobia: Does Blistering Invective only affect enemies we know about, and how far away is Nahkt? Onka casts his first Fireball, and Zenobia protects her lover with Shield Other. More battle magic follows. These psychopomps might be tough - and the Vanth especially - but being Stunned, Blinded, Shaken, and on fire isn’t healthy. And since there’s no information otherwise, they probably return to their native plane still on fire. Nemat: Summoners are pricks. GM: At this point the Vanth remembers it has a Fear aura. Zenobia: I’m afraid of nothing when Asrian is in danger. Nemat: And I think we have emphatically proven that I’m more scary than a Vanth. Asrian: We are doing quite well. Nemat: Well, for one thing it’s not a Rakshasa - that set a high bar for this party. The Vanth yields, but Nemat is still highly annoyed by the curse he got hit with, and expresses this opinion to the crowd. Nemat: THIS is what you would unleash on this city? Unthinking creatures that will curse even Wati’s defenders? Nahkt: You will face much worse in the Necropolis. Of course Asrian trowels on her own abuse, and Nakht backs down. Nahkt: I am not unreasonable. I apologise for doubting you. Nemat: Still cursed here. Onka: There need to be desert penguins. Nemat: Bear in mind that the wizard said this, adding more weight to the adage ‘A Wizard Did It’ The next morning we prepare for our expedition into the Necropolis. There are three objectives - the Elegiac Compasses, the Xotl, and a clan of atheist Lamias in the Cenotaph of the Cynic that Nakht blames for the whole problem Asrian: I suggest meeting the Xotl first - we need allies. Zenobia: That is wise, my love. Nemat OoC: And we’re still in the Shadowrun part of the adventure - legwork is important. And the Johnson has already tried to screw us. A bit more experience and they’ll trust us to make our own mistakes. Of course, the moment we’re in the Necropolis, we’re mobbed by ghouls and zombies. Happily, this only slows us down slightly, and we don’t get overrun. The Xotl, when we find them, and holed up tight, and heavily armed. But not in a shopping mall, or US army chemical waste disposal facility. Their Matriarch, Unwrapped Harmony, is willing to see us, but clearly distrustful of anybody that can walk around in the light of the Daystar without bursting into flame. She’s willing to assist us with information, in return for a service. Zenobia OoC: Sidequest! Nemat OoC: It just appeared in my journal. One of Unwrapped Harmony’s clanmates apparently got a little TOO interested in the rituals of Mummification, and experimented on some of his own people. U.H. wants proof of his death.

Yep - here in WA, road directions can easily be 'follow this road for 650km, and your destination will be on your left'. Of course, it didn't help that they'd given me the wrong directions.

Champions : Return to Edge City - Magick GM: I want to know when you all became competent. Flux: Probably didn’t want to embarrass ourselves now Allana is on the team - ‘Not in front of the newbie!’ Hero Shrew: I just want to know what kind of look Witchcraft is going to give us when she finds out we caught her sister, and didn’t know who she was. GM: Well, she’s too nice to cackle maniacally. GM: When last we met Talisman escaped from your custody, and only THEN did you realise who you’d caught. Hero Shrew: Well, all humans look alike to me. Fireflash OoC: ‘When last we met our heroes were in a bottle at the bottom of the Marianas Trench being eaten by octopi.’ Flux: How did we end up here? Fireflash: ‘Ten Minutes Earlier…’ Allana: I’m wondering how the octopuses got into the bottle. Hero Shrew: Oh, if we do end up in a bottle at the bottom of the Marianas Trench, you’re not opening the cork - I’ve seen that episode of Mythbusters. Hero Shrew: Do we need to make flash cards of ‘UNTIL’s Most Wanted’? We do need to find out just how much of the pilots‘ memories have been erased - what’s the last thing they remember? Fireflash: Who wants to question them? Hero Shrew: I’ll do it! I’ll do it! Fireflash: Anyone else? As it happens, it won’t be that easy - the pilots are still unconscious. Hero Shrew suggests we check the Zone Patrol power armour for serial numbers - as it happens, they didn’t file them off. Finding out who stole the suits could be an important step in the investigation - if Hardlight didn’t botch his end of the research. But as it happens we do determine that the suits were first used in the building of the Marsden Wall, but the construction company was one of the ones that folded after the Edge City fusion reactor went up. Perhaps we can source the brass they used for the armour’s embellishments? Flux: They might have bought the brass out of town. Hero Shrew: Sure. And it’s not like the local retailers would have had Peruvian demons on tap. Flux suddenly realises he can adapt that spell he used to locate the source of Scooter’s thirty pieces of silver. It utilises the principles of Contagion and Similarity, but it’s not psychometry. Flux: Illusions of Porn Past is the reason I don’t do Psychometry. GM: It’s like stumbling on someone’s search history. What Flux determines is that whoever made the suits was extremely careful to ensure that the brass for each suit is magically distinct from that in the next suit. They were extremely careful to ensure that the demons couldn’t assist each other. GM: Allana’s superhero name is technically Nocturne. Flux’s nickname for Allana is Clue-bat Flux: She just turn up looking over my shoulder says things like ‘should that be that colour’ and I’m all ‘hmm’. Then I realise she’s leaning over my shoulder. Hero Shrew: She can lean over my shoulder anytime *leers* GM: So what are you doing during all this research and phonecalls, Scooter? Hero Shrew: Eating mealworm bars and watching Allana’s breasts. Flux: Scooter, leave them alone. I mean her alone. Get out of here! Sorry, Allana, I’ll do my breast to keep him away from you. GM: You’ve made me very happy - this is the team I remember. Because you still don’t have a monitoring roster, you’re still relying on social media to find out when anything is happening. The news we’ve missed because none of us are actually watching the bank of monitor screens is a superhuman punch-up happening out at the far end of Olympic Park. Fireflash: Everybody to the Qruiser! Hero Shrew: It’ll take a while to get back to the base, I’m in Marsden. Flux: *sigh* Since Scooter is bouncing from rooftop to rooftop, and Allana flying there under her own power, and Hardlight driving the Qruiser, it’s up to Flux and Fireflash to check Facebook and find out what’s actually happening in Olympic Park. A lot of it is ‘Maybe this time we’ll see her tits!’ GM: It’s Guilt-rider and Iron Maiden being attacked by Morningstar and Shadow Dragon. Flux: Shadow Dragon? GM: He’s a mercenary with darkness powers. Think Ghost Shadow without the weeaboo. And Morningstar is an actual demon. Guilt-rider is currently riding her motorcycle down the street backwards, shooting with both hands. Flux: If she wasn’t a criminal I’d date that woman. GM: Yeah, I kinda have bad news for you. Flux: Yeah, guessed as much. Iron Maiden (who Scooter still thinks is a robot) is keeping some kind of illumination field on herself and Guilt-rider. Flux: Ah - Shadow Dragon’s darkness powers. Fireflash: Well I’m about to Flash him. GM: Yeah, Shadow Dragon is that much of an arsehole - he’s riding on Morningstar’s shoulder so he can keep shooting energy blasts at Guilt-rider as they chase her down the street. Fireflash: Then I’ll flash both of them. Fireflash blinding them does make it much easier to blast a crater in front of them, Scooter to tackle Morningstar out from under Shadow Dragon, and Allana to literally piledrive Shadow Dragon into the road every time he gets up. Then Scooter punches him down the street, and through multiple vehicles. Shadow Dragon: Oh god, I can’t see- Ow. Ow. Ow. Guilt-rider proceeds to propel him through a few more with her new Windchester. Shadow Dragon: Oh god, I still can’t see-Ow. Ow. Ow. Guilt-rider: So, do you want to talk or do you want to try and take me in? Fireflash: Yes. Hero Shrew: Both, ideally! Hardlight: *blasts Morningstar unconscious and bubbles Guilt-rider with an improved forcebubble* You’re under arrest! Guilt-rider: We know how this works! *bounces excitedly* Allana: She is an ally of the Moreaus. Fireflash: Let her go - arresting them now would just be a dick move. Guilt-rider: No no no, keep it up for a bit, this is cool! *does flaming Wall of Death loops around the inside of the bubble* Flux: *magically switches off all the cameras in the area* OK, now we can talk. Guilt-rider: I dunno who they work for, but their Boss-man wanted me to fix some big project of theirs. But I took one look at the ugly guy and said to meself there’s no way I’m working for somebody who hires tha-What’s happening with Chop-socky and the other guy? Shadow Dragon and Morningstar are sort of dissolving into black smoke, just like Talisman did when she escaped - Hardlight hurriedly bubbles them in the teleportation-proof bubble he devised after our run-in with Talisman. Flux: Hello PRIMUS, calling in a high-speed extraction, we’ve got Shadow Dragon and Morningstar here and they’re trying to teleport out. We’ve got it blocked for now. PRIMUS operator: Huh, that’s not in their profile. Inbound ETA six minutes. Allana: I just want to check how long they’re going to stay out. Guilt-rider: They’re tough boys, but…. *gets distracted by Allana’s breasts* Fireflash: Into that, are you? Guilt-rider: You gotta problem with that? Fireflash: No, just jealous. Flux: We really should be arresting you. Guilt-rider: On what charge? Flux: Well, those weapons for a start. They need to be licensed. Guilt-rider: No they don’t - none of them are legally firearms. Flux: What about her weapons? Guilt-rider: Iron Maiden? Good luck arresting her. Hardlight: Guys? Four minutes? Flux shows Guilt-rider his notes on the Zone Patrol armour. Guilt-rider: Huh - so that’s why they wanted to hire me - it’s the same kind of thing I did with Growler. Growler’s a fire-elemental. But he likes being a motorcycle. Guilt-rider eventually admits, reluctantly, that she saw Shadow Dragon and Morningstar talking to Talisman, KIllzone (the merc that kidnapped Fireflash months ago and collected a hand-off from the Six Teens) and one Weyland Sandford, a tech-savvy diabolist competent enough he once worked with the violently feminist Raven. She won’t say WHERE she saw this, but if the meeting was there then they were definitely doing business. Guilt-rider and Iron Maiden exit stage right when the PRIMUS vehicle arrives. The Silver Avenger herself has come along. Silver Avenger: Bit strange that these two are working together. Hero Shrew: We’ve also got information that they were seen conspiring with Talisman, Killzone, and Weyland Sandford. Silver Avenger: Where’d you get this information? Hero Shrew: Anonymous source. Fireflash: Guilt-rider. She just left. I wanted to arrest her, but there’s no outstanding warrants. Silver Avenger: Yes, she’s pretty good a skirting right on the edge of the law. Fireflash: There were a few things we could have got Iron Maiden on, but, you know... Silver Avenger: What, THAT Iron Maiden? Hero Shrew: Who was Iron Maiden? Flux: A band. She was a Russian superhero, so from the point of view of the Americans, a supervillain. But apparently General Winter, another Russian super, has confirmed that this Iron Maiden is the same woman from the 70s. God knows why she’s working with Guilt-rider. Wayland Sandford is a diabolist, but there’s no way he’s working for the deranged DEMON organisation. The Descending Hierarchy HATES everybody involved with DEMON. Any diabolist worth his salt will summon an uncontrolled demon the moment DEMON comes knocking, knowing they’ll be rewarded. Summoned Fiend: Fool, your soul is forfie- is that DEMON? Very good, carry on. And here’s a 50% discount voucher on your next summoning. Allana is going to try to backtrack to where Morningstar and Shadow Dragon first started their fight with Guilt-rider and Iron Maiden. Growler might be able to turn invisible, but there left a lot of burnt rubber on the asphalt while there were trying to escape. Maybe there’ll be an earlier trail to track from there, or camera footage Flux can raid. We do find the vehicle that Guilt-rider was doing some after-sale work on when Shadow Dragon and Morningstar teleported in. And four blue reptilian humanoids. Although going by the fourth one, and her Radiation Hazard nipple pasties, they’re actually mammals. Flux: They could be fat reserves. Hero Shrew: Venom sacks? Allana identifies them as very minor players on Edge City’s gang scene. They claim that the vehicle is theirs, that Guilt-rider was working on the engine, and that they took one look at Shadow Dragon and Morningstar when they showed up and legged it. Fireflash: Probably wise. GM: Anybody going to look them up later? Hero Shrew: I’ve got two reasons to look one of them up later. GM: You WORK at a TITTY-BAR. Hero Shrew: I can enjoy them in my time off too. The Toxics, as they call themselves, are not Moreaus, and do ally themselves with Freak Legion. Nobody seems to know what they are, but the very-obviously-female of the group has a tattoo - MOAM - that means Mother Of All Mutants, and she actually is their mother. Hero Shrew: I’m not going to say it. Not going to say it. But MOAM isn’t the four-letter acronym I was thinking of. Hardlight: The other three must have been very well fed as kids. GM: Sort of hot, despite having no noses. Flux: That’s because they weren’t the Voldemort kind of no nose. Hero Shrew: Oh right, Voldemort - the man who lost a ‘got your nose’ game vs. a one-year-old. We spend the trip back criticizing the design ideas that went into a household robot design with a bust and high heels. Me: Although bear in mind that Boston Dynamics taught their latest robot how to twerk. GM: I’m letting you know that the gem giving Hardlight his powers is one of a set of five, like the ten rings of the Mandarin. Hero Shrew: Maybe you can go find the space-dragons in their short shorts and ask for another. Flux attempts another ritual to track down the villains, based on the resonances of the powered armour exo-frames. It seems they originated in part of East Chesterfield, a light industrial zone. Combining it with the brass detector he considered earlier should narrow it down even further. Or would, if half the party members weren’t wearing jeans with brass rivets. And if brass wasn’t a good anti-corrosion material. Hero Shrew: Well, you just keep doing the scans and the rest of us will go around peering in the windows of any Ye Olde Abandoned Warehouses. That won’t work either, since the East Chesterfield is quite busy, and most of the team are pretty conspicuous. Random NPC: Did that warehouse always have a gargoyle? And why does it have enormous ti- Allana: *extends her wings* Random NPC: Leaving now. GM: The wizard is the most normal person in the party. Flux: Yeah, it’s one of the reasons other wizards hate me. ‘What, no dragons in the basement? No kidnapping maidens?’ Allana: ‘God you’re boring’ Eventually Flux narrows it down to a small tool and die-maker’s place, that apparently makes custom parts. Custom parts of the kind that would go into demon armour, presumably. We decide to come back tomorrow, when we aren’t busy with day jobs, etc. GM: I point out that the only people in the party with appreciable social skills are Allana and Scooter - who have trouble being accepted as people. Fireflash has people skills too - she heads in, in costume. The rest of us eavesdrop over her phone. The machinist, a young man with impressive tattoos, etc - introduces himself as Weyland Sandford. Uh-oh. Fireflash: Hello there - I was wondering if you could help me? My colleagues and I are tracking down the source of some unusual brass alloys. Weyland: And you tracked a particular alloy down to my business? That seems pretty unlikely. Fireflash: You’d find some of my compatriots pretty unlikely. Weyland happily identifies the sample as part of a custom job he did, and describes the client as one ‘Mr Black’. GM: I’m disappointed you didn’t bring up the fact he’d been seen associating with Talisman and Shadow Dragon. I even had a speech for him. ‘I’ve got two counterpoints for you - the NAACP vs. Alabama in 1958, and the First Amendment. Also, f*** you.’ Hardlight: So we come back later. Fireflash: No, we come back quietly, later, and the one who can teleports in. GM: He’s also the one with the least moral compunctions against breaking in. PRIMUS Agent: I’ve got some bad news for you - Morningstar and Shadow Dragon got busted out. And the escorts all need hospital, and we can’t find the black box. Whatever it was hit the transport mid-air and tore it open. And they’re mercs - either who hired them had more muscle, or came for them in person. We’ve got no idea where they are or who took them. Flux spies out Weyland’s shop that night, and spots an iron golem on patrol inside. Hero Shrew and Hardlight don’t spot anything, since the latter is trying to explain sexual harassment to the former, and why ‘Your tits look fantastic today’ is fine in a titty bar, but isn’t pretty much anywhere else. Fireflash and Allana, on the other hand, spot all the robed cultists heading towards Weyland’s shop, and pointing glowing sticks in Flux’s direction. Fireflash: Guys, can you stop being inappropriate and look at the freaking screen?? At least DEMON cultists are easy to recognise - their robes are pretty distinctive. Hero Shrew: How squishy are cultists? Fireflash: Pretty squishy - that’s why they’re only cultists. Hero Shrew: So if I can’t punch them without bringing Chunky Salsa into effect, should I just take their glowy sticks off them? Fireflash: Taken glowy sticks off people is generally good policy. Allana swoops past and snatches Flux out of the line of fire, before the rest of us move in. Hardlight knocks most of them out with a holographic blast, but that leaves the ones with actual spells as well as glowy sticks. Spells like Domination. DEMON Cultists: Help! Heeelp! Saaave us! Hero Shrew succumbs, despite his obstinate nature. Flux: We have a problem. It’s a problem we’ve had before - a Rogue Shrew. Hero Shrew: They keep telling me I shouldn’t punch normos! And Hardlight just blew up most them! GM: Exactly! Only these two got up again! Allana swoops back the other way and grabs Scooter. GM: Sometimes the team brick has to accept that they’ll be the Battle Taxi. She probably intended to use him as a bowling ball against the remaining cultists, but he manages to break free, to Allana’s shock. Hero Shrew: ANGRY SHREW! Fireflash blasts the last two while Allana continues to try and grapple Hero Shrew. Scooter attempts to jump onto the nearest roof - Weyland’s workshop. Despite the Iron Golem. Allana: Oh no you don’t *grab* Hardlight OoC: If only you weren’t being mind-controlled right now, you’d probably enjoy this. Hero Shrew OoC: *wistful sigh* yeah. Flux: So, what will your defence be at the war crimes trial? Allana: ‘I was not technically a person at the time.’ The mind-control wears off. GM: So you stop struggling? Hero Shrew: Yep. In fact, I suddenly start snuggling back closer. Allana: *Yanks Scooter out of her cleavage* GM: You also realise you were mind-controlled. Hero Shrew: Just a minute, there’s something I need to do *heads over towards the unconscious cultists, intending to kick them in the fork* All: *grapple Hero Shrew again* We start securing the prisoners, forks intact. A voice interrupts, from above. Ominous Voice: Well, that is unfortunate - I was hoping they’d do my job for me. Weyland’s workshop explodes. And the Black Paladin, astride a flying black steed, is revealed by the light of the blazing building.

oh dear. Of course, Nosoi are spirits of plague and misfortune in real-world mythology, so I do have to wonder exactly why Ptemenib has one

Pathfinder : The Mummy's Mask - The Silver Chain Onka: Where were we? Zenobia: We’ve just killed these two guards, who aren’t guards. Nemat: Well, they were guards. Zenobia: Alright, guards hired by the town of Wati, instead of guards hired by the Silver Chain. We check the bodies and pocket most of their stuff - they’re well equipped. And their ‘town guard armour’ is enchanted, which makes it better than the real thing. Nemat: Anybody else know how to use a hand crossbow? Noting the emphasis on ‘else’ but disregarding the cultural association between hand crossbow and assassins. Nemat: And either way, they’re not guards anymore. Zenobia: Which reminds me, we’d better make sure they don’t get up again *decapitates* Nemat: *whispered aside to Onka* Does Zenobia remember she got smoochy-smoochied by a flying undead head? The brickmaker’s property is mostly derelict. GM: And as quiet as the dead. Asrian: As quiet as they’ve been lately? Zenobia: So they either didn’t hear the fight, or they did and they’re waiting to ambush us. The floor of the surviving building has been dug up and some very dodgy stairs installed, leading down into the darkness. There’s also a few kegs of what turns out to be saffron, to our amazement - this stuff is worth more than its weight in silver. Zenobia: There don’t need to be any Silver Chain here, the saffron alone is worth hiring the guards. There aren’t any tracks at the bottom of the stairs, despite the sandy floor. Asrian: When was your master kidnapped? Kasim the Nosoi: Two or three days ago? All: …. Kasim: I’ve been stressed, ok??? Zenobia is wondering about the lamps in the first room - there’s six of them, all fixed, but only three are burning. There’s no fuel oil in the room, either. Nemat: You’re right, that is suspicious. Nemat suspects that the combination of lit and unlit lanterns is some kind of code for the Silver Chain. We have no idea what changing the combination will do. We pick a door and start exploring. As it happens the guy we’re looking for is behind the first door we pick. Onka: That’s convenient. The Silver Chain have stolen his holy symbol, but that’s not a problem - Nemet has one for all the major religions of Osirion in his pockets. Onka: What? Nemat: I bought them. We were GOING into the NECROPOLIS. Ptemenib: I warn you - the Silver Chain serve a new master. He wears a golden mask. They call him Iffek. Asrian: It might not be the same mask that was stolen from the Necropolis - he might just be wearing it for Iffek. Having a professional investigator like Nemat in the party certainly helping when you’re searching rooms for hidden treasures. Having a noisy Nosoi in the party, loudly announcing its joy at the safe return of its master, doesn’t help with sneaking around. Which probably explains why whoever was down here has already legged it through a secret escape tunnel. But they didn’t grab their escape bag as they fled - a Handy Haversack holding a small fortune in grave goods. GM: Of course pretty much everything down here is grave goods. Including the furniture. But at least we find Ptemenib’s stuff and get a reward - an Ushabti figure with an Unseen Servant enchantment. Also in the boss’s lavish chamber, on his looted writing desk, is a tin bird with three Feather Tokens as a tail - with space for a fourth. Feather Tokens are used as magical messengers. There’s also traces of wet ink on the table. So somebody apparently thought sending an emergency message was urgent enough to spend hundreds of gold pieces on it. Perhaps we SHOULD follow the escape tunnel. It surfaces in the Necropolis. Zenobia: Oh, ****. The collapsed crypt we emerge in also has a jumble of bronze springs and plates in the middle of the floor. It appears to be some kind of detector for necromantic energy, built by the Cult of Pharasma. There’s also the footprints of at least five people, leading deeper into the Necropolis. Zenobia: Well, double -****. Having an Inquisitor in the party means we would now bypass a couple of chapters of plot, so we decide to be nice to the GM and turn back, for fear of zombies and the difficulty of tracking the Silver Chain across rooftops. Unfortunately we do come across the thing responsible for what we thought was a snake trail - an animated assemblage of human organs from the canopic jars. All: Ick. Nemat: KILL IT WITH FIRE. Zenobia: I had to deal with a lot of human offal in my last job - I never expected it to come back for revenge! Once the impromptu anatomy lesson is dealt with, we plan our report to the Cult of Pharasma and the other relevant authorities. We take the more valuable items, such as a reportedly lost statue of a Sphinx, and a genealogy of Osirion’s founding families, with us in case they ‘go missing’. At least one more door down here has been hurriedly boarded up, which is never a good sign. ‘Let somebody else find out whatever is hissing on the other side’ is what somebody smart would say, since it’s a gas trap and we open the door. Onka and Zenobia get shot with the Stupid Gun. Zenobia: Duuuuuuhhhhhhhhh? The Silver Chain’s secret meth lab contains one decomposing body wearing a bronze mask, and a lot of smashed alchemical equipment. Nemat and Asrian grab Onka and Zenobia before they can hurt themselves. Zenobia would presumably be fine with the subsequent clumsy fumbling, since it’s Asrian, if she was coherent enough to realise it WAS Asrian, and wasn’t behaving like a drunken lech in front of her other friends. Asrian manages to pin her gnoll lover down, but Zenobia wriggles free. GM: Zenobia wants to be on top Nemat is having similar problems with Onka. Zenobia eventually comes to her senses, pinned face down on the floor, and blushes an incandescent red under her fur. Asrian: You OK now? Zenobia: *nods silently* Asrian: This position has possibilities. Zenobia: embarrassment burning hotter* Nemat: You’re a slippery pig, Onka. I didn’t even get to tie you up. Zenobia: *embarrassment passes some kind of Planck temperature limit* We also find a letter. Which reveals that the Silver Chain was being used as a front for some organisation intending to enter the Necropolis. It includes lines like ‘Once you arrive at Wati infiltrate the Silver Chain and bend them to His Divine Will’, all on behalf of somebody called the Sky Pharoah. This is probably not good. But at least we find the underground dock the Silver Chain were using for their smuggling. And armed smugglers. We leave one of them alive, and happy enough to blab everything he knows as long as we don’t set him on fire. Zenobia: I have an idea who that Sky Pharoah is. Nemat: It’s not exactly subtle. Zenobia: So has anybody seen any Unidentified Flying Pyramids lately? When we go to inform the Cult of Pharasma about our discoveries, we hear the shouting match well before we get there. Sebti the Crocodile is arguing with one Nahkt Shepses, an Inquisitor of the cult, and ruthless direct descendant of Wati’s original liberator. Shepses intends to summon an army of psychopomps and unleash them on the undead, regardless of how many civilians are in the way. Having this shouting match in public, mind you. Nemat: WHAT are you too DOING?! Nemat: I don’t mind them having a difference of opinions, what I object to is them voicing it in public. Asrian: I am Asrian Al-Ajir, and I live here! My family have lived here for a hundred generations! Wati is not the tombs and rituals, it is its PEOPLE! Sebti realises her mistake, but the Inquisitor needs a history lesson about the Forgotten Pharaoh before he shuts up. Nemat: Oh, and I believe this will be of interest to you, Inquisitor - a genealogy of the nation's founders. Nakht Shepses: *yoink* Our captive explains, at length, how the original leadership of the gang all got killed off about 6 months ago. After that smuggling artefacts out of the Necropolis suddenly got much more efficient. Sebti recognises what the bronze thing is too - an Elegiac Compass, and one of the most important secrets of the local cult. They used them for triangulating any problems of the shambling kind. The last time they were used was 30 years ago. Nemat: Why aren’t you using them now? Zenobia: Because every team they’ve sent into the Necropolis hasn’t come back. Nemat: Good point. Zenobia: Well, where are the rest of these compasses? Do you want us to check on the other 4 of them? Sebti: That might be a good idea. Nemat: …. Zenobia: Did I just volunteer us for something? Nemat: Yes. Ptemenib has a suggestion too - a clan of Dark Folk, the Xotl, who live in the Necropolis. Zenobia: Live, or ‘lived’? Since these Xotl lived (and still live!) in the Necropolis (although the Pharasmaens aren’t happy about it) they may know more about the original eruption of necromantic energy. Sounds like a plan! For one this, exploring the middle of the Necropolis would probably be suicide. Nakht Shepses doesn’t believe we’re competent to carry out the investigation. He wants to test us tomorrow. Onka: Written or verbal? Nakht: Violent.

Pathfinder - The Mummy's Mask : Keeping the Peace Me: The US now has 1.2 billion pounds of excess cheese and nowhere to put it. Hardlight’s Player: I believe the appropriate answer to that is UNDERSCONSIN Now that our GM is over his laryngitis, we can continue dealing with the undead infesting the city of Wati. The minor priestling we saved sends us back to the main Mausoleum (thankfully not in the Necropolis) so she can get more help. Zenobia: Would have thought that leaving the four of us to guard the gate why she goes and gets more help herself would be more sensible. Asrian: But then she’d be abandoning her post. Zenobia: You’ve got mobs of zombies trying to get out of the Necropolis. Asrian: Well, not anymore. Zenobia: They *tried* to get out of the Necropolis. There is a shopkeeper preaching about the End of Days from on top of a stool. Onka: We’re fully deputised, right? And he’s disturbing the peace, isn’t he? Asrian finds a higher perch and assures the crowd that the situation IS under control. The lunatic isn’t happy, but at least we don’t have to bonk him over the head with a peacekeeping club or anything. In fact, Wati is now under sufficient control that the shopkeepers and artisans feel confident enough to re-open their doors - at least during daylight. Nemat: What do you know, nailing the head of a Rakshasa over the city gate does discourage more from coming in. Zenobia: We were so lucky in that fight. Nemat: Sometimes lucky is better than good. Random encounter time! At least there isn’t a modifier to the roll anymore, so another Rakshasa is unlikely. A horde is barreling down the street - they’re small. They have bills. They’re ducks. Zenobia: At least they’re not geese. Zenobia grabs one and checks its flight feathers - they’re clipped domestic ducks, and not some bizarre plague of ducks descending on Wati. They’re also pursued by horrendous amalgams of bear and crocodile. According to Nemat, they’re Esoboks, and psychopomps. So what the hells are doing in the Prime Material Plane, and why are they terrorising ducks? Zenobia: I’ll allow that ducks are unrepentant hellbeasts, but still. They’re probably here to feed on the undead, but they *are* causing panic. And although they supposedly intelligent, none of us can speak whatever language they use. We run along after them, warning the public to stay out the way. After all, if they have got the scent of some major undead, we will probably appreciate the help. When we catch up with them, they are indeed in combat with some kind of humanoid skeleton, half-formed from earth and soil. We wade in after the Esoboks, and discover that one of this thing’s ability is a bite that confers bad luck. It’s also a lot more agile than something made of bones and dirt has any right to be. At least Nemat managed to smack it so hard its head spun around three or four times, and the Esobok could tear out its soul. Zenobia is suitably impressed - she can probably call down one of these Esobok things to assist during future battles. Onka: We dealt with an undead and two psychopomps. Zenobia: But left the ducks on their rampage. Zenobia does find a surprise in her bed that night - it’s Asrian. Zenobia will be very happy but tired in the morning. Nemat: You realise if Zenobia didn’t get 8 hours sleep last night you’re not getting that curse removed, right? Asrian did insist that Zenobia blow out all the candles before she came to bed. Asrian also forgot that gnolls can see in pitch darkness anyway. But she still seemed perfectly humanoid to the joyously happy gnoll. Asrian OoC: So you now know what Asrian looks like. Zenobia OoC: And feels like. And tastes like. Nemat wants to go talk to the Sphinx in the morning. Happily, both he and Zenobia can speak the language, which reduces the chance we’ll be devoured. Asrian OoC: Or increase it if you botch Diplomacy rolls. It doesn’t matter anyway - none of the Sphinx are in town. We go find out what problems have arisen overnight instead - apparently the old courthouse is haunted. By something carrying out its own verdicts, judging by the fresh corpses strung up outside. Every one has had their left eye removed. It’s a pretty standard ancient punishment for anything not warranting execution. Of course, these victims all died of their injuries anyway, but it’s not like they can complain about it. We enter cautiously, and find another defendant tied up and being yelled at by the master of the court, a blood red skeleton with glowing eyes. Nemat: OBJECTION! Judge: WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS INTERRUPTION! Asrian: It is unseemly for the dead to preside over the living! Nemat: You have no authority here! The Law is a living thing! Judge: Bailiffs! Remove these people from the court! Nemat: You wish me to speak in the defence of the living? I will do so gladly! (I AM playing a Diplomancer here) Asrian: (And I’ll assist) Zenobia: (And I’ll just wait over here to bash the bailiffs if they need it. ) Happily, Nemat and Asrian have exactly the skill set required to argue the judge to a legal standstill. Zenobia OoC: “I intend to prove/beyond the shadow of a doubt/with my assistant council-” “Co-counsel, Hamilton sit down.” Nemat: I could have solo-ed that - he’s just a judge, I’m an INQUISITOR. GM: Congratulations, you just defeated a Dread Skeleton and his skeletal bailiffs by talking them to death. Apparently the defendant was a merchant charged with selling the wrong kind of hat. Nemat: That law needs to be struck from the books - that judge really missed an opportunity here. Of course, there’s always more problems in Wati - such as somebody dragging an animated dead through the streets. We go to investigate - especially after we hear a clap of thunder from a perfectly clear sky. Nemat: Ghost Sound. Basic illusion. Asrian OoC: It’s the Wilhelm Scream of thunderclaps. There’s a half-elven mage, tears streaming down her face, dragging the zombie down the street. She claims it’s her recently deceased husband, and she’s taking him to her workshop for proper resurrection. The crowd, on the other hand, would rather it destroyed immediately. Nemat: Madam, surely you realise that the dead can only be brought back from full death? Even if you could restore his consciousness, he would live a half-life? Zenobia: We understand your grief, but please let the church of Pharasma send him on to his eternal reward? Nemat: Was he a good man? He has been brought back like this by whatever force means ill to Wati. Would you truly want to hurt his legacy like this? Widow: I… I understand. Please… help him go on. Zenobia: I swear I will make it swift and painless - you need not watch. The elf was an instructor at the Halls of Blessed Rebirth, teaching medicine and embalming, which probably explains why she thought she could bring him back, but it was still against the rules. Nemat: She was grieving - it’s understandable. Zenobia: Medicine AND embalming? Either way they get paid. Wati certainly seems to recovering, given the way the patrols stomp out any disturbances of the peace, but we still have no idea what actually happened in the Necropolis. Zenobia OoC: But the important question is there any more commotion in Zenobia’s room tonight? Nemat: I don’t care, I’m crafting earplugs. Onka: Why do you need earplugs? Nemat: My room is next to Zenobia’s - and Asrian’s room didn’t need changing this morning. Nemat: I see I succeeded in my ‘Craft Disturbing Mental Image’ check. Nemat spends the next day sorting out grief-counselling for people like that half-elf, Zenobia goes to buy some nice faience jewelry for her girlfriend, Asrian goes to see how her family have coped with the last few days, and the Cult of Pharasma are still trying to figure out what happened in the Necropolis, since none of their investigative teams have come back alive. Nemat does get awoken by a bird fluttering in his face the next morning, by a bird apparently wearing a full face helmet. It’s the personal pet/psychopomp of one Ptemenib, who we saw talking to himself at the auction, and who has apparently been kidnapped by the Silver Chain, Wati’s unauthorised graverobbers. Nemat: *sigh* Of course they did. Nemat: *banging on Zenobia’s door* Both of you be dressed and in my room in five minutes! Kasim, the Nosoi, can lead us to where he’s been taken. We leave a note for the innkeeper to take to the rest of the authorities. Nemet: ‘Flappy bird, wading bird, disgruntled crocodile’ We’re led to an abandoned brickworks near Wati’s crowded harbour district. There are two people dressed as town guards posted nearby. Asrian: Clearly someone is paying to keep it abandoned. Kasim: Ptemenib recognised some of the Silver Chain at the auction, and followed them! And he got caught! Guard: Sod off! Asrian: *puts an arrow into the wall next to his ear* Nemat: *glaring intimidatingly* We have business here. Zenobia: Also, since my goddess requires me to give my enemies one chance, I warn you now that the Cult of Pharasma will look unfavourably on anybody accepting bribes from the Silver Chain. GM: Well, let’s see how stupid these two are *rolls dice* Pretty stupid - they both draw punch daggers. Nemat uses Blistering Invective. Nemat: The original Sick Burn. I like this spell - it lets everybody know ‘I did not like this person’. Asrian slashes the one that isn’t on fire so hard he bounces off the wall. Unfortunately a lucky stab from the guard does so much damage to Zenobia’s lover that she has to use a bunch of work with a Wand of Lesser Restoration to repair her arm. Of course, with both of the guards dead we don’t know anything about the brickworks and the Silver Chain members within.

Champions - Return To Edge City : Same Bat-time, Same Bat-channel Trying to get more information regarding that demon-powered armour from last session. GM: Ancient Peruvian demons Allana the Bat-Moreau OoC: Who were actually Scandinavian demons on holiday. There IS somebody in Edge City we can ask about this sort of thing - as it happens it’s the girlfriend of that woman we rescued from PSI. Flux: This is a magic store, don’t touch anything. Elsa: Actually, there’s nothing out here that’s dangerous. Children come in here. I mean, I’ll be annoyed if they touch stuff, but it’s not dangerous. Flux: Oh, this is the show floor, the real stuff is out back. Well done, most magic shops don’t get that right. Flux: Anyway, Allana here- Hardlight: Ah ah ah, Nocturne Flux: OK, Nocturne, or whatever she chooses to call herself. If she has a secret identity I’m impressed. Teach me your ways, oh master Allana: Just comb your hair in the other direction and wear glasses. GM: Uh. Hmm. Well that wasn’t a good thing to roll. Allana: She didn’t read the book out loud, did she? GM: She failed her Sense check, but passed her Accidental Change check. What you see is this sweet young mystic touch the demon armour and suddenly sprout batwings and a spade-ended tail. Hardlight: BUBBLED! Fireflash: Don’t attack the expert! Elsa’s real appearance is even more attractive than her human form. GM: Even Hardlight finds her attractive. Hero Shrew OoC: And my tongue is hanging out. Hardlight: *turning to Allana* You don’t get wingboners do you? Allana: Thankfully no - I’d take out most of the store. Fireflash: *swears and stomps off out of the shop* Elsa: Is she OK? Hero Shrew: Who? Fireflash is outside glaring at streetlights, but not actually blasting them. As she explains to Allana, it’s down to her problems with sex - her body temperature is dangerously high when she’s aroused, and she’s 100% hetero. Fireflash: And here’s an intelligent, incredibly attractive woman, and I feel NOTHING. Allana: You need to find a guy who can take that kind of damage. Fireflash: Being able to take a hit is not the same thing as not feeling it - especially around that area. Hero Shrew: Then you need to find somebody who’s tough AND a masochist. Elsa is explaining the situation regarding the Peruvian demons to Flux. It doesn’t sound good - especially now they’re free to make their own bodies. But whoever made the armour and did the tattoos really knew their stuff - the tattoos stopped the pilots from being possessed for one thing. The demons named on the armour are Frog the Ever-thirsting, Jaguar the Ever-hungry, and a bird demon known as the Eternal Storm. Elsa has some drawings of them. Jaguar, for example, is about the size of a house, and messily carnivorous. Flux: Well, that’s not good. Hardlight: Any reports of anything weird happening around Lake Effinger? Giant frogs, dropping water level? GM: The former site of the Edge City Fusion Reactor? There’s ALWAYS weird things happening there. Hero Shrew: Didn’t somebody see a sea serpent in there? Hardlight: No no, that was an Atlantean. GM: You’re both right, and both wrong - it was an Atlantean Sea Serpent. Hero Shrew: I’m wondering whether Jaguar the Ever-hungry will just take a shortcut and possess a Jaguar-Moreau. Allana: I was wondering the same thing. Flux: ‘Excuse me ma’am, have you seen a giant frog around here?’ Allana: ‘Well, there’s a giant tadpole right now’ Apparently they also feed on fear. Preferably children’s fear. Hero Shrew OoC: Clearly this is the Halloween episode. Hero Shrew calls Simon, Madam Lil, and other Moreau community leaders, such as his boss at the titty-bar. Hero Shrew: It miiight be nothing, but there’s a chance that any jaguar-Moreaus in the Zoo could be possessed by an ancient Peruvian demon and go hunting for children. Fireflash: That’s not something you should preface with ‘might be nothing’ Hero Shrew OoC: Explain your plan to me in terms that Scooter will understand. Flux: Uh… Allana: He’s making a tricorder and I’m carving him three tuning forks. Fireflash: If you want a real challenge, make me a dildo that won’t melt. Elsa: Actually, I know somebody that could help you with that. Fireflash: Who? What? Where? When? Elsa: She’s an expert in unusual physiology. Last speciality item I heard she made was tuned to the harmonic frequencies of a woman made of stone. You can see why she wouldn’t feel much else. Fireflash: Well, that’s one way to make the earth move. Elsa: Her name is Dr Soma. GM: Like I said - an expert in unusual physiologies - she just has a wide interpretation of that. Flux is impressed by Allana’s fine motor control when carving the tuning forks from the solid metal of the armour, with her bare claws. Flux: I’m too used to Scooter just tearing things apart. Flux’s PKE meter reveals that it’s the Storm Bird that lost itself near the Zoo, not the Jaguar. That probably explains why it’s started raining heavily, despite the forecast. Hero Shrew: So how do we actually stop this thing when we find it? We did ask Elsa, didn’t we? I was too busy watching cast videos. Allana: I was going start with violence and see what works from there. Violence works pretty well, apparently. The Eternal Storm’s new body is still basically human. Jaguar, on the other hand, is down near Lake Effinger, and has been powering up. He could, indeed, pass for a Moreau. On the other hand, the subsequent display of combat prowess, on either side, is not going to win any awards. At least until Hardlight uses his KAMEHAMEHA attack, which affects Desolid targets. Hero Shrew: *staring incredulously at Hardlight* Wait, what???? Hardlight: I’m just as surprised as you! The Frog Demon, despite being fully embodied, is also pretty easily subdued and banished, now we know their weaknesses. Hardlight: ABSORB THIS! KAMEHAMEHA! Allana: *stabbing it with the tuning fork and sending it back to the plane it originated in* This is not how I expected to end the day. We head off to the hospital, to interrogate the pilots. Scooter and Gareth are both too busy watching more cat videos to notice that one of the nurses is wearing a non-regulation skirt, and decidedly non-regulation piercings. Fortunately, Fireflash and the others DO notice, intercept, and ask a few pointed questions. Nurse: I’m trying to get fired. Fireflash: I’m sure we can help with that - Allana? Would you mind checking on the pilots? Nurse: To hell with this *summons blinding sleet to fill the corridor.* Scooter grabs her by leg and wrist, but doesn’t throw her through the wall - this is a hospital, after all. Fireflash: Sorry about this, Scooter *Flashbangs him and the fake nurse* Flux considers doing something similar, but fortunately realises that if he misses, he could easily take out a load-bearing wall. Hardlight: PHOTON PUNCH! Hero Shrew: Should have just put us both in a bubble. Flux: Stuck in a bubble with the party brick - that IS a good idea. Fake Nurse: I give! I give! I was just hired by a guy in a nice suit to erase their memories! Hardlight: Flux, can you hack her memories or something? Flux: … GM: Remember, this isn’t Streets of Magnimar where you actually had morals. Now you’re playing a superhero. And don’t have any. Flux: …. I don’t have that prepped today. Fake Nurse: Can I go now? Flux: No. Fake Nurse : Oh, go on. Hero Shrew: Stop that! *shake shake shake* Flux: Uh you OK there Scooter? Hero Shrew: She was trying to get into my head. Fake Nurse: I did get in - he just shook me off somehow. We call in PRIMUS - psychic criminals are a serious threat. Unfortunately, there’s not much we can do for the pilots. Fake Nurse: If there was anyway to fix erased memories, people would stop paying to have them erased. Allana: I’m going to check on the pilots. Fireflash: I’ll go tell the hospital authorities what happened. Flux: I’m going to stay here in the corridor - I don’t want to leave the two problem children of the team guarding the prisoner. Of course, if any of us realised that we’d just caught Talisman, a notorious super-criminal, we’d probably have taken more efforts to stop her suddenly teleporting away a few minutes later. Fake Nurse: Well, this has been fun, but *POP* Hero Shrew: ??!!! Flux: *sigh, and calls PRIMUS back* Cancel the pick-up, we HAD a teleporting supercrook. GM: THAT’s where you remember her from - that’s Talisman, Witchcraft’s sister! Flux: *deeper sigh*

Champions - Edge City : More Citizens On Patrol Flux: Why are you staring at Allana’s breasts, Scooter, you work at a strip club? Hero Shrew: Same difference between free-range and factory farmed. Allana the Bat-Moreau downplays the extent of her formidable bust. I mean superpowers. Allana: I might have a lot of power, but Scooter actually knows what he’s doing. GM: I agree, and I can’t believe I’m saying that about Scooter. Hero Shrew: Hardlight is a CEO who thought he’d be more use to society as a superhero. Flux: Well, he wasn’t necessarily wrong. Hero Shrew: But the only thing he’s really good at is sticking his foot in his mouth. If you want to know about Fireflash, go on YouTube and look up ‘Top Ten Superhero Wardrobe Malfunctions’ GM: At least Fireflash has a biological reason for the stripperiffic outfit. Fireflash: So who’s going to introduce us? Hero Shrew: Hi Fireflash, these are Allana Hero Shrew: She wants to join Quadrant! Fireflash: … Something about that sentence makes me want to ask ‘Why?’ GM: ‘I’m not seeing any obvious head trauma’ Fireflash: So, what can you do? Hero Shrew: She beat me wrestling. Hardlight: She popped my bubble in like, nothing. Fireflash: Bubble, not cherry, OK. Hardlight: Hey, at least I’m immune to her Smut Field. Fireflash: Hmm. You aren’t going to fit in the Qruiser Fireflash: Have they shown you around the base yet? Allana: No. GM: It was built by somebody called the Machinist, decades ago. He’d have hated 60% of the people currently in here. Wait, Gareth is gay, isn’t he? 80%. Hero Shrew: And this is where we sew people’s arms and legs back on. Happily we haven’t had to do that yet. But now you’re here, hey? Fireflash: I don’t think I’ve seen a Bat-Moreau before. Hero Shrew: They were kind of equipped to leave in a hurry during the big Genesys break-out. Fireflash: *proffering a hand* Sonya, Sonya Helstrom. Allana: *proffering one of her four hands* Allana. I think we were going for ‘Nocturne’ as my Super-ID. Hero Shrew: Aw, not Clue-bat? Flux: At least you’re doing better than Gareth. He gave his civilian ID away 30 seconds after he met her. About half our workload is stopping Hardlight outing himself. Hero Shrew: Hey, it’s the 21st Century, it’s OK if you out yourself. Flux: … yes, well done Scooter. Hero Shrew: And if it isn’t one of Fireflash’s study or D&D nights, we go on patrol in the evenings…. Can I patrol with you? GM: And Gareth is no doubt pencilling in a Sexual Harassment seminar for Scooter for the near future. Hardlight: Yep. Hardlight: Ah, Dr Steiner - I’m looking forward to the day I meet him. I don’t know whether I’ll hug him or hit him. Hero Shrew and Allana: … Flux: I’m surprised you think there’s more than one option. Hardlight: Well, he did create two of my best friends. GM: You don’t know if Allana is a Steiner. Hardlight: Ok, at least one of my best friends. He’s still getting punched though. Flux: I have to admit that the four arms freak me out a bit. Allana: They come in handy… That wasn’t meant to be a joke, it just came out that way. We choose which part of town to patrol based on the I Ching - or rather, ‘Divination for Dummies’ and a handful of paddlepop sticks to use to determine the hexagrams. Flux: And you ate all the paddlepops to do this, didn’t you, Scooter? Seems disrespectful of the tradition. Still, I’ll go with it - you can forecast the future in gumbo, apparently. Off to the area around the Hellgate Institute, via the Zone - AKA Gang City. Hero Shrew: At least the gang situation is sort of stable. Flux: Don’t say that - it’ll stop being stable. GM: Funny you should say that. Allana: I can hear gunfire. Flux: That’ll be Crime Alley, where all the crime in town happens. Fireflash: It’s the only alley in town. Flux: At least that giant robot is in custody. GM: What giant robot in custody? Flux: …. Sigh. Hero Shrew: The one that was assimilating weapon systems? Fireflash: I think the important part of that sentence was the ‘in custody’ bit. GM: You guys don’t have a Crime Alert system yet, so you’re always late to the party. The news blimps are already onto it. They call themselves Zone Patrol. They’re cutting through the Voodoo Crew. Literally. Hero Shrew: So, big guys in fancy mecha-looking armour with advanced weapons. Flux: They kind of look like Shredder from TMNT. And the Voodoo Crew are one of the groups keeping the Zone kind of stable. GM: They do have a vested interest in the status quo. Allana glides around to flank them, silently. The Media Blimps certainly spot her. Media: What the hell? That’s new. Flux: We need to announce you, or they’ll make up a name for you. GM: You DO have a webpage - you just don’t update it. Hero Shrew simply tackles one of them, and is nearly overwhelmed by an aura of evil. Hero Shrew: They’re evil! Really Evil! Palpably Evil here! Flux: Wow. He actually said ‘palpably’. Allana agrees about the evil aura, and reflexively throws the second one at the third, instead of carving it in half. That way she doesn’t have to touch the thing. Since all three are on the ground now, Hardlight telekinetically grabs their firearms. Hardlight: Got your guns! The second one staggers upright, realises it doesn’t have it’s gun anymore, and there’s a noise like an electrical motor speeding way up. Flux, party technomage, grins widely. Flux: Oh GOODY, they’re mechanical. Flux: Allana, do you have a Code against Killing? I forgot to ask. Hardlight: PHOTON CANNON! Hardlight’s holographic shoulder gun splits one of the things open, whereupon the daemonic entities apparently powering the suits go mad with bloodlust, burst out, and scatter into the city, leaving the pilot inside to bleed to death. Hero Shrew: The ****????????!!!!??? GM: The Aura of Evil is gone, by the way. Hardlight: In my defence I heard Flux say they were mechanical before I fired. Allana can-openers the suit open, and starts triage on the pilot and the many injured Voodoo Crew members and innocent bystanders. Scooter peels open the others. They all have odd symbols inscribed over the inner surface, and none of the pilots are looking healthy. And they’re all tattooed with matching symbols. Allana: Is there anything I should avoid getting blood on? GM: Most of it. Actually, the daemons have escaped now, so not important. Although Allana CAN follow the stench of brimstone - at least until we lose them in industrial areas that smell similar. The daemons are smart. Hero Shrew: Soooo - what do we tell the ECPD? Flux: That investigations are ongoing? Hero Shrew: And what do we tell PRIMUS? GM: You don’t tell them s*** yet, you haven’t finished your preliminary investigations. The guns they were using to mow Voodoo Crew and innocent bystanders aren’t remarkable, although the batteries are better than usual. The suits are re-engineered powered harnesses, with superscience weapons, with bronze armour of all things. Allana: And daemon magicks. GM: Yes, mustn’t forget the daemon magicks. Late-period Nazca glyphs, apparently intended to bind the daemons into the armour as reinforcement. Which combined with everything else is just confusing. Hardlight: First it was zombie cowboys, then it was ancient Chinese magic, now it’s Peruvian demons? Flux: Yeah, I blame you. Flux: Google Translate has killed many wizards. Not that anybody else still living knows the Nazca language, either. Hero Shrew OoC: No point asking me about the occult - I’ll just say something like ‘Occult? Isn’t that some kind of drinking yoghurt?’

Pathfinder - The Mummy Mask : Citizens on Patrol GM: Nobody reacts well to the dead rising. Zenobia: If anybody blames us I feel obliged to point out that we were fully licensed tomb-robbers. The town of Wati is still in a state of near-panic, even after the more rambunctious dead have been dealt with and that pillar of black fire dissipated. It certainly hasn’t helped the local economy. GM: … the more rambunctious dead have not been dealt with. Zenobia OoC: I’ll revise it to ‘Rambunctious dead that we know about’ then. GM: You’re swiftly deputised into city defence. Zenobia: Well, yes, we did deal with a square full of zombies, zombie hands, and a mummy. Asrian: And I live here. Since the dead are STILL getting up to complain about the youth of today, Nemat suggests that any of the patrols that can use the Dancing Lights cantrip to signal what kind of undead they’re currently encountering. Most of the problems are the basic ambulatory corpse variety, at least, which is almost a relief compared to what we COULD be getting. Just our luck, we promptly run into one of the worst possibilities. Zenobia: Do we have a Dancing Lights code for this? I don’t think you can do Double Black Diamond in Dancing Lights. There’s screaming from the riverside shops in the low-rent district. Zenobia: Giant undead crocodile then. Nemat: Nah, the vampire ducks are worse. Kvack, Kvack. Asrian: No, the undead clockodiles are worse. Nemat: True. The humanoid figure feasting on a pile of civilians has odd hands. They bend … very oddly. Asrian: Uh-oh. Nemat: As in, backwards? GM: Yes. Asrian, Nemat, and Zenobia: FLUTTERSHY! Survivor: RAKSHASA! Nemat: I have to fire off right Dancing Lights code - the one that means HELP!!!!!! Rakshasa: *sniffing the air* This chaos… is delicious. Zenobia: Well that’s just offensive. Nemat whips out the Align Weapon scroll we picked up earlier, and turns Zenobia’s crossbow Good. Onka OoC: We got lucky on the ‘find random shit’ table, didn’t we? The Rakshasa promptly Lightning Bolts Zenobia and Asrian. Zenobia: Owie. Asrian: I’m going to have to charge it. I do not want to charge it. Zenobia OoC: Look on the bright side - if it hurts you I’m sure I’ll go on a Roaring Rampage of Revenge. Zenobia’s love interest charges in, casting Elemental Damage:Acid on her scimitar, and very nearly decapitates the Rakshasa. The Rakshasa is displeased. Rakshasa: I have already had my fill of killing today. I will give you one last chance to run. Asrian responds by nearly decapitating it again. Nemat uses some blistering invective to insult its mum, and follows up with a Shackle. Onka runs up to add a Tangleburn Bag to its problems. Rakshasa: My ears are burning. Nemat: So is the rest of you. Asrian hits it with a THIRD critical hit. Zenobia: You’ll ringbark his neck eventually. GM: The dude hasn’t even had a chance to draw his kukri! It’s true - the creature got off a single Lightning Bolt, and promptly suffered spinal injury, was set on fire, entangled, entangled AGAIN, even more on fire, and bleeding. We were very, very, very lucky - Rakshasa are WAY above our pay grade. Nemat continues his Invective. Nemat: The MIGHTY Rakshasa, being taken down by SPELLCASTERS. IN MELEE! Zenobia: Does letting it run away handcuffed and on fire count as giving it a second chance? The Rakshasa turns invisible, but is still stuck in place by the Tangleburn Bag. Probably just as well for it that it can’t run to the river, since Tangleburn Bags explode on contact with water anyway. It begs for mercy. Asrian: Fluttershy you. *hacks away* Zenobia: *shocked* Asrian: This thing comes into MY city, kills MY neighbours, it deserves to DIE! Nemat: Well, people do say the same thing about gnolls. Zenobia: I can understand WHY you did that, Asrian - I’m just a bit shocked that you did. Nemat: We’re not equipped to give this thing a quick death. Asrian: My scimitar is sharp but his neck is blunt. (I think we have a Mary Queen of Scots situation here) Nemat OoC: I was thinking the same thing. Nemat: This is one of the creatures taking advantage of the chaos in the city. Now we can put its head on a spike over the city gate to discourage the others. ‘Is that a Rakshasa head?’ ‘... yes’ ‘That wasn’t there last week.’ ‘Rightio then, going home.’ The shopkeeper offers us two servings of Seer’s Tea in thanks for killing the monster. He’d originally thought the creature had come to save him from the people looting his store, right up until it transformed back into its natural form and sat down to eat them. Shopkeeper: I thought the gods were watching out for me, and had sent a hero of the city! Nemat: And then we showed up, and it turns out they DID send heroes of the city! The next day is more of the same, but fewer Rakshasas. A flare over the marketplace indicates another undead outbreak. Asrian: Somebody managed to do it in Hieroglyphs. I’m impressed. ‘Dead Turkey, Live Turkey, Crocodile, Pharaoh inverted’. That can’t be good. A cart lies on its side in an alley, with a twisted body lying next to it. Also, shambling dead. Zenobia: May the attention of Sarenrae shrivel you like slugs in salt! Asrian: I like that one. Zenobia’s prayer practically kills them all instantly. Asrian effortlessly blasts most of the thoroughly shrivelled undead to pieces. Still, the ones that still have limbs are a threat, or would be if they could actually hit anything. Zenobia: Does the victim require healing or decapitation? GM: He be dead. Zenobia: Decapitation it is then. I turns out that the cart had a large hidden compartment - and the zombies burst out of it. Nemat: Somebody is trying to smuggle the restless dead out of the city??? The late smuggler appears to be a member of the Silver Chain, Wati’s top unofficial graverobbers. Nemat: That is a REALLY stupid thing to be doing right now. Nemat also catches a whiff of cedar oil, and traces it to another secret compartment under the driver’s seat, which includes other stolen goods including a Hand of the Honest Man. Asrian: That’s a hand I don’t know. Nemat: I refrain from comment. Off towards the Necropolis then, to return the stolen funerary goods to the Cult of Pharasma, and string the smuggler’s corpse over the gate into the cemetery. Asrian: With a sign not saying ‘Tomb Robber’ but ‘STUPID Tomb Robber’ The gates are barred, and there is a LARGE mob of undead trying to force it open. There’s also a very nervous junior acolyte of Pharasma and some town guard. Nemat: Looks like you can use some help? Acolyte: Yes please! I’m only a LVL 2 Cleric! Zenobia: And the undead are all crowded in against the gate? GM: Yes. Zenobia: Packed in tight, reaching through the gaps in the gate? GM: Exactly. Zenobia: Rightio then. *strolls up to just out of arms reach, and rolls up her sleeves* Nemat and Asrian do some calculations, and determine that there's about 90 undead in range of what Zenobia is about to do. Zenobia flexes her clerical muscles and obliterates half the mob of zombies, skeletons, and ghouls with her first Channel Energy. Then does it again to the ones that don’t flee. GM: … Did you just just level up twice in two rounds? Of course, the incorporeal undead come right through the wall. A Shadow goes after the acolyte. Happily, she has us to rescue her. If we can keep this up, maybe Wati won’t become a literal and metaphorical ghost town. Pathfinder - The Mummy Mask : Citizens on Patrol GM: Nobody reacts well to the dead rising. Zenobia: If anybody blames us I feel obliged to point out that we were fully licensed tomb-robbers. The town of Wati is still in a state of near-panic, even after the more rambunctious dead have been dealt with and that pillar of black fire dissipated. It certainly hasn’t helped the local economy. GM: … the more rambunctious dead have not been dealt with. Zenobia OoC: I’ll revise it to ‘Rambunctious dead that we know about’ then. GM: You’re swiftly deputised into city defence. Zenobia: Well, yes, we did deal with a square full of zombies, zombie hands, and a mummy. Asrian: And I live here. Since the dead are STILL getting up to complain about the youth of today, Nemat suggests that any of the patrols that can use the Dancing Lights cantrip to signal what kind of undead they’re currently encountering. Most of the priblems are the basic ambulatory corpse variety, at least, which is almost a relief compared to what we COULD be getting. Just our luck, we promptly run into one of the worst possibilities. Zenobia: Do we have a Dancing Lights code for this? I don’t think you can do Double Black Diamond in Dancing Lights. There’s screaming from the riverside shops in the low-rent district. Zenobia: Giant undead crocodile then. Nemat: Nah, the vampire ducks are worse. Kvack, Kvack. Asrian: No, the undead clockodiles are worse. Nemat: True. The humanoid figure feasting on a pile of civilians has odd hands. They bend … very oddly. Asrian: Uh-oh. Nemat: As in, backwards? GM: Yes. Asrian, Nemat, and Zenobia: FLUTTERSHY! Survivor: RAKSHASA! Nemat: I have to fire off right Dancing Lights code - the one that means HELP!!!!!! Rakshasa: *sniffing the air* This chaos… is delicious. Zenobia: Well that’s just offensive. Nemat whips out the Align Weapon scroll we picked up earlier, and turns Zenobia’s crossbow Good. Onka OoC: We got lucky on the ‘find random shit’ table, didn’t we? The Rakshasa promptly Lightning Bolts Zenobia and Asrian. Zenobia: Owie. Asrian: I’m going to have to charge it. I do not want to charge it. Zenobia OoC: Look on the bright side - if it hurts you I’m sure I’ll go on a Roaring Rampage of Revenge. Zenobia’s love interest charges in, casting Elemental Damage:Acid on her scimitar, and very nearly decapitates the Rakshasa. The Rakshasa is displeased. Rakshasa: I have already had my fill of killing today. I will give you one last chance to run. Asrian responds by nearly decapitating it again. Nemat uses some blistering invective to insult its mum, and follows up with a Shackle. Onka runs up to add a Tangleburn Bag to its problems. Rakshasa: My ears are burning. Nemat: So is the rest of you. Asrian hits it with a THIRD critical hit. Zenobia: You’ll ringbark his neck eventually. GM: The dude hasn’t even had a chance to draw his kukri! It’s true - the creature got off a single Lightning Bolt, and promptly suffered spinal injury, was set on fire, entangled, entangled AGAIN, even more on fire, and bleeding. We were very, very, very lucky - Rakshasa are WAY above our pay grade. Nemat continues his Invective. Nemat: The MIGHTY Rakshasa, being taken down by SPELLCASTERS. IN MELEE! Zenobia: Does letting it run away handcuffed and on fire count as giving it a second chance? The Rakshasa turns invisible, but is still stuck in place by the Tangleburn Bag. Probably just as well for it that it can’t run to the river, since Tangleburn Bags explode on contact with water anyway. It begs for mercy. Asrian: Fluttershy you. *hacks away* Zenobia: *shocked* Asrian: This thing comes into MY city, kills MY neighbours, it deserves to DIE! Nemat: Well, people do say the same thing about gnolls. Zenobia: I can understand WHY you did that, Asrian - I’m just a bit shocked that you did. Nemat: We’re not equipped to give this thing a quick death. Asrian: My scimitar is sharp but his neck is blunt. (I think we have a Mary Queen of Scots situation here) Nemat OoC: I was thinking the same thing. Nemat: This is one of the creatures taking advantage of the chaos in the city. Now we can put its head on a spike over the city gate to discourage the others. ‘Is that a Rakshasa head?’ ‘... yes’ ‘That wasn’t there last week.’ ‘Rightio then, going home.’ The shopkeeper offers us two servings of Seer’s Tea in thanks for killing the monster. He’d originally thought the creature had come to save him from the people looting his store, right up until it transformed back into its natural form and sat down to eat them. Shopkeeper: I thought the gods were watching out for me, and had sent a hero of the city! Nemat: And then we showed up, and it turns out they DID send heroes of the city! The next day is more of the same, but fewer Rakshasas. A flare over the marketplace indicates another undead outbreak. Asrian: Somebody managed to do it in Hieroglyphs. I’m impressed. ‘Dead Turkey, Live Turkey, Crocodile, Pharaoh inverted’. That can’t be good. A cart lies on its side in an alley, with a twisted body lying next to it. Also, shambling dead. Zenobia: May the attention of Sarenrae shrivel you like slugs in salt! Asrian: I like that one. Zenobia’s prayer practically kills them all instantly. Asrian effortlessly blasts most of the thoroughly shrivelled undead to pieces. Still, the ones that still have limbs are a threat, or would be if they could actually hit anything. Zenobia: Does the victim require healing or decapitation? GM: He be dead. Zenobia: Decapitation it is then. I turns out that the cart had a large hidden compartment - and the zombies burst out of it. Nemat: Somebody is trying to smuggle the restless dead out of the city??? The late smuggler appears to be a member of the Silver Chain, Wati’s top unofficial graverobbers. Nemat: That is a REALLY stupid thing to be doing right now. Nemat also catches a whiff of cedar oil, and traces it to another secret compartment under the driver’s seat, which includes other stolen goods including a Hand of the Honest Man. Asrian: That’s a hand I don’t know. Nemat: I refrain from comment. Off towards the Necropolis then, to return the stolen funerary goods to the Cult of Pharasma, and string the smuggler’s corpse over the gate into the cemetery. Asrian: With a sign not saying ‘Tomb Robber’ but ‘STUPID Tomb Robber’ The gates are barred, and there is a LARGE mob of undead trying to force it open. There’s also a very nervous junior acolyte of Pharasma and some town guard. Nemat: Looks like you can use some help? Acolyte: Yes please! I’m only a LVL 2 Cleric! Zenobia: And the undead are all crowded in against the gate? GM: Yes. Zenobia: Packed in tight, reaching through the gaps in the gate? GM: Exactly. Zenobia: Rightio then. *strolls up to just out of arms reach, and rolls up her sleeves* Nemat and Asrian do some calculations, and determine that there's about 90 undead in range of what Zenobia is about to do. Zenobia flexes her clerical muscles and obliterates half the mob of zombies, skeletons, and ghouls with her first Channel Energy. Then does it again to the ones that don’t flee. GM: … Did you just just level up twice in two rounds? Of course, the incorporeal undead come right through the wall. A Shadow goes after the acolyte. Happily, she has us to rescue her. If we can keep this up, maybe Wati won’t become a literal and metaphorical ghost town.

Champions - Return to Edge City : The Clue Bat Quadrant! Soon to be renamed! Flux: Human technomancer, somewhat paranoid. Hardlight: Green-lantern wannabe and walking faux pas Fireflash: Brilliant teen who also happens to be a superheroine Scooter ‘Hero Shrew’ Sorex: Strip-club splatter (like a bouncer, but with more force). NPCs: ‘Nick’ : Fox-Moreau grifter recently exposed as a spy for the criminal genetic engineer Dr Steiner Doctor Soma: Apparently a steampunk automaton, who provides medical aid for the Moreau community. Simon: Tiger-Moreau and advocate for the Edge City anthropomorphs. Madam Lil: Another pillar of the Moreau community. Runs a brothel. GM: If you ever find out who Doctor Soma actually is you’re going to be surprised. Hero Shrew OoC: It’s Mechanon, they had a sex change. Scooter is at the hospital waiting to talk to “Nick’, when there’s a pop and a young woman appears out of thin air. Hero Shrew: I thought this hospital had anti-apparation wards. No wait, that’s Hogwarts. It’s one Ms. Alicia Coronado, a teleporting courier, delivering those artificial neuropeptides we need. She wisely decided that she’d make more money as a courier than as a superhero. Hero Shrew: And probably save more lives, transporting live organs. Fireflash: And short-lived radioisotopes. ‘Nick’ doesn’t wake up, but at least he isn’t getting worse. Hero Shrew: Doesn’t the internet have some kind of back-up in case bits of it get taken down? Flux: ….. Yessss. Hero Shrew: So wouldn’t they need to take down a bunch of the server things at once? Flux: This is the most intelligent thing I’ve ever heard Scooter say. GM: Simple, not stupid. Hero Shrew: Would the server-thingies write down what they’d been told to do? Flux: … we need to acquire some logs. Fireflash: Wouldn’t we need beaver-Moreaus for that? Hero Shrew: Am I going to have to beat up a crocodile drummer again? GM: YES! Thankyou!! Hero Shrew’s Player: What did I just miss? Flux’s Player: He rolled Unluck for you and Hardlight and now he’s grinning. When Hardlight and the others reach the first comms tower, there’s five wolf-Moreaus sitting around the only access door. Wolf-Moreau: What do you need to get in there for? Hero Shrew: Well, somebody took down the entire Freeweb in the Zoo a few hours ago, and we’d like to know who. And Why. Although we have a pretty good idea who. Anyway, we need to see the … twigs? Logs. Hardlight: We have a permit from the ECPD to look at the logs. GM: No you don’t. Hardlight OoC: I’m lying! Hero Shrew: Permit? When did we get that? Apparently this fast-talking works, despite Scooter. Or they were hoping we’d show up. They call out to a very attractive black wolf-Moreau who was working inside. Wolf-Moreau: Oh, it’s all four of you, good. Come in. Hero Shrew: Hey, hot female Moreau, I’m following her right in. Wolf-Moreau: Before we get started, there’s something I need to tell you. And Scooter, you’re not allowed to tell anybody. Not every Moreau you meet is a Moreau. *all her fur vanishes and she turns into a human* Hi. Jenna Sterns, Steelstrider Clan. Hero Shrew: Aw. You were hotter with the fur. Apparently Edge City’s werewolf clan have been living undisguised in the Zoo. Jenna has also found the hack used to kill the Freeweb in the area. It was installed months ago, but Hardlight can easily remove it, and does so within seconds. Hardlight: OK, fixed. GM: Oh really? Hardlight: Um, yes? GM: OK then. Hardlight: Uhhhh… GM: Too late. Hero Shrew: What did you do? Hardlight: Fixed the Freeweb in Studio City. … wait. Oh dear. GM: Too late! Everybody’s smartphones etc are working again. Within minutes the trending topic coming out of the Zoo is somebody’s recording of Nick’s confession. Well done. At least Simon, the Moreau advocate, is doing a really good job addressing the larger mob, and keeping the general mood calm. Hero Shrew: Should we go over there or would that actually kick off the riot? Hardlight: … I’m getting a really bad assassination vibe here. We need to get there. Flux: That WOULD be the best way to ensure a riot. Peanut Gallery: There’s one thing you have to do first - switch off your external speakers. Hardlight is right too - there’s a human with a pistol in the crowd, and Hardlight gets his force bubble around Simon just in time. Benny, the head of security at the Collar Club, grabs the gunman by the throat and disarms him. Hero Shrew: Disarms or disARMS? Because that’s something I’d do. The crowd, understandably, wants to lynch the gunman. Simon tries to calm everybody down. Hero Shrew: Somebody is TRYING to start a riot! Simon: *using his unnaturally powerful charisma* He’s right! If we harm that man, Moreaus EVERYWHERE will suffer! The ECPD are a bit reluctant to send any units into the Zoo right now, too. Can’t imagine why. But they do send somebody - the Cheetah-Moreau and the Tiger-Moreau sniper that recently joined the Edge City PD training program. GM: Guess whos training just got accelerated. Peanut Gallery: Ah, Run and Gun. GM: You fucker, now I have to call them that. And then there’s a volley of loud pops all around the upper stories surrounding the square. Hero Shrew: Gunfire! GM: Nope - somebody set charges on all the awnings over the Agora. They’re coming down. And above that - you love them, you hate them - one of the media blimps filming the whole thing. At least this will make you look good - humans and Moreau Militia you helped establish working together. Flux: Hardlight! Catch them with your forcefield! Scooter! Get underneath that! Brace hard! GM: Fireflash, you must be delighted - somebody else is taking charge for once. Hardlight: We did it! High five! Hero Shrew: *slap!* Flux: Aren’t you holding that awning over your head right now? Hero Shrew: err…. Still, nobody was hurt - and the media blimp broadcast it all. Hero Shrew: Yay, good publicity for once! GM: The gunman has been arrested now, and has the right to an attorney. You DO NOT mess with the Miranda Rights. Flux: Good name for a super-lawyer though - ‘Hello, I’m Miranda Wright’ ‘Really?’ Peanut Gallery: Sister of Phoenix Wright. GM: I expected mistakes, but you actually built on your previous successes. This is unprecedented. You STAYED FOCUSED. This is unprecedented. Hardlight: Meanwhile the real Hardlight wakes up in an Undersconsin jail cell. GM: ‘What do you mean, the evil clone we sent is doing a better job than the real Hardlight?’ Peanut Gallery: No, the clone Hardlight is just as incompetent at being a supervillain. GM: Who do you want to to interrogate first? Flux: The badger? Hero Shrew: The one you fried? Flux: er…. Hero Shrew: Aren’t you in a band? Geert the Gator: uh, no? Hero Shrew: Pretty sure you’re the drummer. Geert the Gator: No I’m not. Hero Shrew: In fact I’m pretty sure we live in the same building. Geert the Gator: All us Moreaus look alike. Flux: That’s racist Geert eventually gives up trying to lie, and confesses that he and his affiliates do work for Dr Steiner, but Lilith got all the job details and he doesn’t know where she or Steiner actually are now. Also, he’d quite like to be in a Faraday Cage right now before the bomb in his cybernetic heart gets detonated. As it turns out, Steiner was lying about the bomb. Geert just isn’t very smart. But ever since Ted the Bear passed away, there hasn’t really been anybody dedicated to teaching younger Moreaus. GM: After Ted died the level of Moreau education went down Fireflash: No more Ted talks. GM: Geert just wants to hang around and bang his drum all day Hardlight: He doesn’t have a girlfriend named Drum, has he? Flux: And that he beats her? Hero Shrew: I think he said bangs her all day. Madam Lil: Scooter, are you with that fox right now? Hero Shrew: No? Madam Lil: Tell him he he’s got a reprieve. Hero Shrew: I’m sure he’ll be pleased to hear that, when he wakes up. If. Madam Lil: Now get over here. Hero Shrew: Should I bring the others? Madam Lil: Yes. The newest addition to our community needs an honour guard. Hero Shrew: Who gets to be the godparents? Madam Lil: COME HERE NOW. It turns out that the fox spy got a reprieve because he has other responsibilities now - the newborn infant is an adorable baby fox. Time Skip! The Zoo has been partying for weeks! ( “We can have babies now! Let’s try!”) They actually like Quadrant! Although the team might be expanding shortly... Madam Lil has opened a clinic with a Moreau as head medic - a 9ft tall Bat-Moreau. She’s female. Extremely female. A build best described as pneumatic but not aerodynamic. Her shirt is a miracle of fabric engineering. Hero Shrew OoC: Well, I just lost 20 IQ points. GM: God help us all. Hardlight: Hello, I’m Gareth Lowell. GM: And once again, Hardlight gives away his secret identity within 60 seconds of meeting a new team member. Hero Shrew: I heard bats give blow jobs for hours before mating. Hardlight: *slaps a gag over Scooter’s muzzle before the fifth word* Allana the Bat: Some bats. Not all. Her hearing is very good, which makes gagging Scooter, and whispering to each other kind of pointless. Hardlight: So, how do we get her to join the knitting club? Allana: Your reputation has improved recently. I was considering asking to join. Flux: What, really??? Flux: So, does anybody have any objections to Allana joining the team? Hero Shrew: *Still looking up, enthralled, shaking his head* Flux: Scooter, stop shaking your head. Hero Shrew: But they’re in stereo! Flux: *sigh* Allana, please understand, this isn’t sexual harassment. But if you kill him, we’ll understand. Hardlight: I’ll need to change the team name - we can’t call ourselves Quadrant anymore. Hero Shrew: But the Edge City werewolves might complain if we call ourselves Pentex. Allana: Quintet. Then you can rename your team vehicle the Quinjet. GM: That’s copyrighted. Allana: Not in this universe. GM: Besides, next week they’ll get another new member and have to change the name again. Allana: I know - I just think it’s funny to make them rename themselves twice. Flux: We’ll need to get a blood sample. Allana: You’ll need a bigger needle. Hardlight: What? Allana: Superhumanly tough skin. Flux: What, everywhere? Allana: *sigh* Yes, they’re tough too. Hardlight: To the Danger Room!.... Did we build that yet? Flux: No. We held out to the hills to test her abilities instead. She’s actually stronger than Hero Shrew, as a wrestling match proves. Hero Shrew: Hey, not all my blood supply is going to my muscles. And her claws make short work of Hardlight’s force walls. Allana: They are unreasonably sharp for a biological material. I’ve never had to use them in anger before, however. Fireflash: Spend half an hour around Scooter, that’ll change. Hero Shrew: Well, I’m happy to have them both on the tea- Them! Them! Flux: I’d like to apologise to both you and your breasts on behalf of Hero Shrew.

Pathfinder : The Mummy's Mask : Tomb-robbing For Fun And Profit GM: Hmm. The first illustration for the land of Katapesh appears to be a gnollish murder orgy. Nemat: The gnolls down that way have a certain reputation, for a reason. Zenobia: As much as the gnolls of Katapesh NEED a good long talk from a missionary, Zenobia is a bit reluctant to actually meet her family again, any time soon. Nemat: Perfectly understandable. What to do with Veldriana Hypaxes, who, unbeknownest to her own party, brought them all to a building they weren’t authorised for, and hired thugs to stop anybody interfering. Onka: Technically, the Pharaoh has first dibs, for breaking the conditions of entering the Necropolis. Nemat: Actually, the Cult of Pharasma has first dibs. Onka: True. But I’ll expect they’ll hand her over for trial. Zenobia: I suppose I can put in a good word for her, if she tells us what this ‘Mummy’s Mask’ is. Asrian: Problem there. She’s unconscious. And has a hole through her chest. Nemat wants a look at that room under the Sanctum, that has the pool of fire. Zenobia OoC: Just as well there aren’t any alien tripods down here. The inscription on the pool is a prayer to Nethys, and says ‘drink this and your soul will be refreshed’. Nemat: Nethys isn’t as bad as Boccob, but I still wonder whether this is a case of ‘drink this and flip a coin’. Nemat was right about the keystone controlling the temple guardian too. And as a sentient creature, the guardian probably has plenty of institutional knowledge that the archeologists will love. Zenobia: After we’ve killed all the monsters, the actual archeologists can come in. Nemat: AHEM. Of course, an actual cleric of Nethys would have even more institutional knowledge, but given he’s a spear-wielding skeleton it’s doubtful he’ll have a lot to say. Some kind of sign language may be necessary. Boney: It has been a very long time since I’ve had visitors. I take it you are explorers? Nemat: Actually, we’re more historians. Boney: *Looking down at its hands* A VERY long time. Well then - tell me your history and I’ll tell you some of mine. Nemat: Well then. I am Nemat Merituzat, also known as Nemat of Valat. Boney: I know that family. Nemat: My family tends a shrine to Wadjet, and I am pledged to their service. But I’m afraid that your language is rarely spoken in these latter days. My friend the gnoll- Zenobia: Hello Nemat: - knows a little, but Onka the spellsage does not, and I’m afraid my cloth-wrapped other companion isn’t very forthcoming about her history. Zenobia: I am Zenobia, servant of the Dawnflower, and I bear my sword in Sarenrae’s name, bringing her light to dark places, and justice to the needy. Onka: Everyone knows orcs taste terrible. Senenmerek the skeletal champion is actually quite desperate for news of the outside world, since he’s been stuck down here in a forgotten temple for a couple of thousand years. And he has first-hand knowledge of the Plague of Madness. The historians are going to love this guy. Senenmerek also says that we’re not the first group to come into the temple, recently, although we are the least combative. In fact, we’re the third. Apparently it’s not only Veldriana Hypaxes that wanted to get into the Sanctum, and this first group walked right past the temple guardian without it noticing, and somehow made Senenmerek black out. Quite a trick, with a skeleton. He has no idea what that first group did while they were here - but that sand-demon Div creature that Asrian nailed to the floor wasn’t here before either. Of course, the Cult of Pharasma really don’t like undead, or anybody else that removes themself from the cycle of life and death. Zenobia: Maybe we can find one of the historians that are a little more open-minded? Nemat: I’m sure it can be argued that this is an internal affair for the church of Nethys. Senenmerek: I’ll have to clean. At least Senenmerek is fine with us collecting a few minor items, as long as we leave the important ones behind. And we have that helpful map the elemental gave us too. The zombie waiting behind the next door is less helpful. Zenobia inspects the subsequent remains, because she thinks it’s a little odd it’s a zombie rather than skeletal. She’s right to be suspicious too - the body is only a few decades old at most. Nemat: Previous failed tomb-raid? Asrian: Could be. And the apparently-defeated zombie grabs Zenobia by the throat. Zenobia: What?! Nemat: What?!?!? Asrian: What??!??!??! Onka: It was playing dead?!!?????!!!! Zenobia and Onka panic, best described as the All The Nopes condition. Zenobia’s friends bludgeon the creature to permadeath, and go find Zenobia wherever she ran off to. Zenobia: Zombies don’t do that!!!! Nemat: It wasn’t a zombie, it was a coffer corpse - it’s what you can get when a corpse is improperly disposed of. Like some poor fluttershyer being shoved into an airtight room. And then we find the OTHER surprise lurking around the sanctum - one that wouldn’t even show up on a Detect Undead spell, even assuming we’d had that particular spell ready. It swings down on us from the ceiling. Maybe we were distracted by the unusually florid hieroglyphs in this room. “Woe to you who would plunder the Reliquary of the Thrice-Divided Soul. Turn away, lest the harsh judgment of the Forgotten One fall upon you and your descendants for a thousand generations. Turn away, for his ka cannot be appeased and it shall call forth legions of the dead and the damned. Turn away, and may the All-Seeing Eye and the Lady of Graves take pity on you, for if not, the Forgotten Pharaoh shall consume you, body and soul!” Nemat: *starts and points up at the statue in the room* that’s where the Mask WAS! Until recently, the room contained a source of Necromantic energy of OVERWHELMING strength - even the remnant energy is alarming. This is worrying, to say the least, because we have no idea who that first group that came through are. And the Forgotten Pharaoh is probably Hakotep the First, best-known as the Sky Pharaoh, because his flying pyramid is apparently still flying around out there. Bit strange that his mask would be down here on the ground. Especially in a temple of Nethys. Zenobia OoC: All in all, pretty alarming. We live in the kind of genre where you take that kind of warning seriously. Onka OoC: It’s almost like it’s the name of the adventure. So, who’s got a flying carpet? Nemat OoC: I’m not going NEAR that thing. It also becomes obvious, that whoever that first group were, they looted the majority of the really interesting stuff from the other rooms, but left the merely material treasures (much of it Nethesian temple regalia by the looks of it), and minor scrolls, potions, etc. Alternatively, it might just be stuff the Div had on it when it stuck around down here. There’s also the tomb of one Djedihepet, which going by the inscriptions is really, really old, back in the age of other essentially legendary empires, and apparently the year Wati was founded. A nice find. Nemat: Remember, no disturbing the dead unless they disturb themselves first. Zenobia: So no raising the dead to ask them about the founding of the city? Nemat: *looks thoughtful* As it turns out we disturb the tomb anyway, since it was concealing a secret passage. A magically defended secret passage. Still, nothing immediately fatal. There’s a Pearl of Power hidden down here, among other things. Zenobia OoC: I’m just thinking a pearl would look nice on Asrian - it matches her colour scheme. Senenmerek is bit surprised to find out the the Mask of the Forgotten Pharaoh was hidden down here. GM: You get that skeleton jaw drop again. Nemat: I’m starting to think the real reason the Pharaoh approved these expeditions into the Necropolis, is because he intends to reclaim the Necropolis for the living. Of course searching the sanctum for any documents that the previous two teams of looters left behind raises its own issues, even if we do use Mend to repair any scrolls that have crumbled over the centuries. Who knew there such things as Guardian Scrolls? On the other hand, it WAS hidden with some very interesting stuff, including stone tablets. Asrian: ‘I bring you these tablets bearing Ten Commandments!’ Zenobia: Fifteen Commandments. Although it’s more of a Rosetta Stone, and a nice historical relic with a Comprehend Language enchantment. Still, we should probably go tell somebody about the whole ‘stolen item of vast necromantic power’ thing. Mending is such a very useful basic cantrip, especially for archeologists. Onka OoC: ‘You’ve entered a room that was once full of parchments, but they’ve long since crumbled to dust.’ 'Not for long! Close the door and grab a broom.' GM: I’ve had to make so many changes to this campaign because of that spell. We’re talking about nation-building. Google Mini: I’m sorry, I can’t help with that. Yet. GM: It’s only your testimony that gets the rest of the Scorched Hand off with only a ban from the Necropolis, and not execution. Onka: ‘Sent into Pharasma’s embrace, prematurely’ Still, it’s a bit worrying that there was a major necromantic artefact in the temple of Nethys, that the Cult of Pharasma don’t know about. And the temple guardian didn’t know about. But somebody knew enough about to get in and steal it. And Veldriana knew about but somebody beat her to it. Zenobia thinks that Veldriana might help with the investigation into this Mask, if she’s told that it’s already gone. Nemat can think of a dozen ways that could backfire horribly, and points out that she’s already been given one chance to do things the right way. Zenobia: It’s entirely likely the Cult of Pharasma are going to want to kick this one upstairs anyway. Onka: *snort* Nemat: Yes, the Cult of the Goddess of Death are going to kick this one upstairs - *stab* The Cult have also organised an auction of some of the artefacts, including items we’re putting up for auction ourselves,, with the refreshments including 2000 year old honey that was found in one of the tombs. It’ll be a good opportunity to mingle with some of the more wealthy inhabitants of Wati, too. Onka: I think we’ve been spending far too much time in tombs. Nemat: … I understand the words but the sentence makes no sense. There’s also a group of adventurers we haven’t met before - the Four Lanterns. They’re also the luckiest adventurers we’ve ever seen, since they came out of the Necropolis with a huge pile of loot. GM: They’re also the most cocksure adventurers you’ve ever met. Onka: Dead by next week. The other attendees include somebody who’s spending most of the evening talking to himself. All: … Nemat: Nobody biting on that? Zenobia: He IS just talking to himself, and not waiting for answers, is he? Nemat: I’m torn between three options - My people! (the other academics); Ladies!; and making sure nobody is being mean to Zenobia. Granddaughter Meshhoten: I’ve heard that mumia is a cure for Mummy Rot Nemat: … I’d be extremely wary about that. If anything, consuming mumia is a great way to contract ghoulism. In fact, anybody that sells you mumia as a cure for Mummy Rot is probably trying to kill you. The rumours have been getting things a bit backwards - claiming that the Scorched Hand were ambushed by low-lifes as they left the Necropolis, for example. Coffee Merchant: I think it’s absolutely terrible the way the Cult is opening up the looting of our heritage. I hear Haty-a Oshep Kahmed is going to increase taxes on travellers from beyond the sister cities, to recoup the cultural damage. Nemat and Asrian are particularly insulted - Asrian was born in Wati for one thing. Nemat’s counterarguments leave something to be desired though. Nemat: On one hand, is it not better that foreigners die in the recovery of our heritage, than brave Osirii? Nemat: If you were paying attention, that actually means ‘people are dying to get this stuff, so shut up you ignorant shit’. Zenobia is extremely excited when clerical garb and a holy book of her faith comes up at the auction, and is so excited about her purchases she doesn’t really notice when Ptemenib, the representative of the Necropolis, leaves the auction early. No doubt we’ll find out what kind of shit just went down, later. On the other hand, we DO benefit from a bidding war on some of the items we put up. Handy, especially given how much Zenobia just spent on some old robes and an illuminated manuscript. Zenobia: Clearly it was all part of Sarenrae’s plan. Something odd DOES happen when that Rosetta Stone we found is unveiled - a magical aura, definitely necromantic, sweeps across the room. Zenobia: *hackles rising* Did anybody else feel that? Asrian: Yessssss. But it doesn’t seem to be the tablet itself - the cold breeze swept across the entire room, and quite possibly the town as well. Nemat: Something is happening. Still, I don’t want to disrupt the auction *launches into a detailed impromptu lecture about the tablet, its historical importance and its enchantments* Nemat: Because we went through all that rigmarole, we came out 800gp ahead. Zenobia: And got to enjoy some nice goat cheese and old honey. Onka: Goat cheese? I thought that was figs. Nemat: Cheese-stuffed figs. Onka: I avoided the honey. Nemat: Why? It was perfectly preserved. Onka: I try not to eat stuff that is thousands of years old. GM: There’s a knock at the door. Nemat: … do we have our weapons? GM: No. They had you check them in or peacebind them. Asrian: I smuggled my scimitar in. GM: A knock followed by the door splintering as a horde of zombies shambles into the room, hungry for the flesh of the living. Onka: So that’s what that aura was. Nemat: Well, this is a thing that is happening. Zenobia, you’re up! Zenobia: *turn Undead, with Sarenrae’s blessing* Return from whence you came, creatures of evil! Nemat: Zenobia, two clerics of Nethys... Asrian: This is not the smartest thing a zombie has ever done. The zombies do have SOME kind of extra enhancement, but whatever necromantic aura is empowering them burns away when Zenobia calls down Sarenrae’s blessing. Following it up with a healing burst is certainly appreciated by all the civilians and adventurers that got themselves mauled by the hungry dead. Still, as we might have predicted, Wati is being overrun by more of the bastards. From the looks of it, most are from the Necropolis. Onka gets a bonk on the head as the awning outside the building gets knocked down. Onka: OW, fluttershy, this is like being back home… I was raised by a bastard of a shaman. The pillar in the town square that the severed hands of thieves are hung from - the “Pillar of Second Thoughts” - is looking a bit lively too. Some of the hands have broken off and are running around on the ground. Zenobia: ...Ugh. *blasts the square with purifying fire* After the excitement of mass zombie combat in the town square, we pause to regroup and listen for the next lot of screaming - it’s back inside the auction house. We run back inside to discover that one of the items, an elaborate sarcophagus, isn’t as empty as it was when it the Four Lanterns brought it in. Nemat: I hate teleport technology! The mummy smashing its way out of the sarcophagus already has the civilians paralysed with terror. It also seems disinclined to chat. Mummy: TOMB-ROBBERS! Zenobia: RETURN TO YOUR REPOSE, ANCIENT ONE! Mummy: *cursing us out in Ancient Osiriani* Onka: Do you kiss your mummy with that mouth? Zenobia: THE POWER OF SARENRAE COMPELS YOU! Nemat: Compels her to do what? Zenobia: Lose 11 HP for a start. The bard from the Four Lanterns runs up to try and slap some holy water on the undead, and fails horribly. Zenobia: Well, he tried - of course ‘He tried’ is the kind of thing that gets written on tombstones. And then the Four Lanterns wizard gets his spell off. Nemat’s Player: It better not be fireball. Is he playing one of my wizards? “You should know better than getting into melee before the wizard gets his go.” Because another thing that gets written on tombstones is “Thou Shalt Not Fireball Your Own Party’. Asrian finishes the mummy off with a Cure Moderate Wounds, and we run back outside - to see a pillar of utter blackness boiling up into the midnight sky over the Necropolis.

We’re looking at two more players joining the campaign. Hardlight: So we’re not Quadrant anymore, and now we’re Sextant? GM: That could be unfortunately apropos, depending how Matt’s character works out. Flux: Oh dear. GM: At least it means your team vehicle won’t be the Quadraphibious Qruiser anymore. Hero Shrew: So now it’ll be the Sex Wagon? Flux: Can I put a veto on that right now? That’s not marketable.

Champions - Return To Edge City - Fur Suit Riot Pre-game conversations meandered from why we don’t have rhinos in Australia, through Ramses the Great (famous military moron), to how Weldun and Sundog’s respective ancestors ended up owning most of Scotland. Anyway - Flux and Hardlight are investigating why one of Edge City’s Freeweb servers is offline. While in their civilian identities. And four ugly Moreaus have pulled up and are heading in after them. Just as well Hero Shrew and Fireflash were nearby, monitoring things, just in case something like this happened. Hero Shrew: So we’ve got a crocogater, a badger, and cybernetic wolf …. Whatever that is. GM: It’s not a very flattering picture of her. Hero Shrew: But she’s running around in a bra? GM: … Wha… that’s a backlaced shirt - it’s just a dark image, OK? Although we don’t know it, the Moreaus are Convel (the Cyborg Wolf), Geert (a rather Mouthy - hur-hur -'Gator), Lilith (Electrokinetic Black Jaguar), and Magne ( a Speedster Badger). Fireflash: Hello gentlemen! Bit late for a maintenance visit, isn’t it? GM: … well, that makes it easy. The cybernetic wolf attacks you. With wrist-mounted blasters, no less. And the badger starts tunneling into the ground. Hero Shrew: What? Things are happening? Well, better get involved. I’ll run and punch... hmm. GM: Which one? Convel the wolf? Hero Shrew: Sure, he looks like he could take it. At least Flux and Hardlight can get into costume fast. GM: Flux has the Morphing Suit and you’ve got ‘HERO ON!’ Of course, there are also cameras all over Edge City. Hardlight: … I’m running off to the loo. No cameras in there. Flux: You’re invisible to cameras when you’re near me! Hardlight: Good point. Flux: *looks at the Crocogator* Hmm, I remember you. You beat me up that time GM: Actually that was a different anthropomorphic crocodile. Flux: Ah, sorry - I was being inadvertently racist. The Crocogater: Oh look, the fuzzball has come out to play. Hero Shrew: Yep, that’s me. The Crocogater: What’s the matter? Didn’t you want to mess with the hard one? *narrowly misses Scooter with a superstrength trick* Hero Shrew: Well, I’ll take your word for it. I’ll start hitting you instead. Fireflash is exchanging fire with an increasingly berserk Convel. Convel: BITCH!!!! Hero Shrew: You’re a wolf, wouldn’t calling someone a bitch be a compliment? Also, does anybody where that badger was digging to? Flux does. And blasts the area with lightning. GM: Poor Magne. Apparently the mystery bra-wearer is an electrokinetic jaguar Moreau, named Lilith, and she’s having major difficulty getting the wolf to calm down and act rationally. Hero Shrew: I’m not surprised. Since when would a dog listen to a cat? The crocogator has trouble getting back on his feet, too, after Scooter’s first haymaker. Hero Shrew: Hi again *punch* Lilith evidently decides that hanging around will be counterproductive, what with the four of us variously stunning, blinding, sucker-punching and variously taking the rest of her team down and making sure they stay down. Flux and Hardlight return to the building, so they can change back into their civilian Ids and pretend they missed the whole fight. It’s not like Edge City’s cameras caught their involvement. Although if the superhero forums take an interest... GM: By the way, the reason Convel went berserk was because he HATES superhero banter. Scooter eventually recognises the crocogator as the drummer that lives the hall from his apartment. Hero Shrew: Hey! I know this guy!.... Should his eyes be pointing in different directions like that? Flux, using Mr Lowell’s credentials, gets to work on the dodgy router. And discovers that whoever is using it as an electronic dead drop has links to Genesys, the company that created the Moreaus. Which is a little worrying, since everybody from the company did serious jail time - everybody that got caught, anyway. And Nick the fox was certainly sending data to this router. Still, Flux’s manipulations of the noosphere does uncover an entire network of secret routers, but he’s going to have to go through the Genesys evidence to get a better idea of what all this means. And there’s the problem of what the Edge City Police Department can do about a trio of superpowered Moreaus. Just throwing them back into the Zoo doesn’t seem like a good solution, when superpowers are involved. GM: Wait, these are Enhanced Abilities Moreaus! PRIMUS’ problem! So the ECPD can just hand them off to PRIMUS. Which is bad news for Geert’s band, since his drumming was the only good thing in it. And when Scooter tries to call Simon, the Zoo’s legal advisor, it goes straight to voicemail. So does his call to Judy, the Zoo’s liaison officer with the ECPD. Ditto his call to Colin the Collie. Hero Shrew: Ah, guys, I’m starting to freak out a bit here - everybody I’m trying to call in the Zoo isn’t answering. Flux: Gimme a minute *dials random zoo numbers* GM: They all go to voicemail. Flux: F***. Hardlight: What’s happening on the Freeweb? GM: People have noticed - nobody can get a signal in or out of the Zoo. There’s a couple of feeds from Chinatown, which say that the Moreaus are excited about SOMETHING, but nothing’s on fire. Flux, Fireflash, and Hardlight hurry off to the Zoo, leaving a very antsy Scooter to guard the captives. Flux: Well he’s the only one that can punch them back out if they wake up. When they get to the Zoo, the telecom blackout has spread to neighbouring suburbs. Someone has locked down the Freeweb infrastructure completely - the kind of hack that only the Sanity Liberation Front could manage. And then a miniature blimp descends into the Agora and projects a video onto a blank wall, in front of hundreds of the residents. It’s Nick - he’s clearly been badly beaten. Electronically Disguised Voice: Tell them. Nick: …. My name is Nick…. For the last fifteen years I’ve been passing on information about my fellow Moreaus to one of our creators. Information, observations, rumours. .. I have been an agent of Doctor Steinbeck. To say that the Moreaus react badly is a gigantic understatement. ‘Howling Riot’ would be more accurate. GM: Thirty thousand Moreaus and most of them are on the streets right now because they don’t have their internet! So it’s lucky for Nick that Hardlight, Fireflash and Flux spot the unconscious Nick hanging from a parachute, descending into the square, and rescue him before he can land. They rush him off to Edge City's medical district. Fireflash collects the blimp drone so Flux can interrogate its software. Hardlight calls Hero Shrew, to arrange a rendezvous. Hardlight: Scooter, you finished yet? Hero Shrew: No. GM: The only reason Scooter is still there is because the ECPD are refusing to take custody of Convel, Geert, and Magne. They’ve called PRIMUS, and they’ll keep the looky-loos away, but otherwise they’re treating it as Not Our Problem. Flux calls Madam Lil on her mobile phone. The call goes through. Flux: Ah, I suppose you’ve already heard about Nick? Madam Lil: What about Nick? Flux: Ah. Um. Well, full disclosure. We’ve got a video that says Nick was an agent of Steinbeck. For the last 15 years. Madam Lil: HE WHAT????? *long string of Spanish invective including many references to fox cojones* Of course, that means Dr Steinbeck almost certainly knows about the gravid Moreau. Not good. Flux calls his contact at PRIMUS to try and get them to respond faster - we can’t keep the team split up! Silver Avenger: What do you want? Flux: Um. Silver Avenger: You never call me unless you want something. She’s pretty upset to hear that not only is Steinbeck active, he also has Moreau agents. Silver Avenger: Alberto Steinbeck could reliably create genetically engineered organisms with Enhanced Abilities. Like your friend the shrew. Ordinary Hero Shrews are strong and tough, sure, but his strength goes way beyond anything natural. Flux: Yeah, I’ve seen him stop a car, I can believe that. Silver Avenger: He chews on rebar. Flux: Nobody can prove that. Flux: Dog Moreaus are rare - or they all left with Steinbeck. GM: What is one of the dog’s more famous genetic traits? Hardlight: Loyalty. Flux: Bad Breath. And then Nick goes into convulsions - alarming, given what happened last time we caught one of Steinbeck's minions. Hardlight: This isn’t going to be another Melty Dog moment, is it? Nurse button! Hit the Nurse button!!!! The crash team get his seizure under control, despite his non-human anatomy. Human Doctor: Does he have family we can to? People who know them? Hero Shrew OoC: Everybody who knows him wants to tear him to pieces right now. Hardlight: Do you want me to an MRI on him? Human Doctor: Well, yes, I mean we’d have to book him into the machine, he might get bumped down the list - wait, what do you mean, ‘want ME to?’ Hardlight: You might want to stand behind that screen *calls up his millimeter wave scanning powers* GM: The doctors are debating - ‘Is this legal?’ ‘He’s not human, he’s a Moreau, we can pretty much do what we like to him’ Hero Shrew OoC: Don’t say that within earshot of any conscious Moreaus. And the Sanity Liberation Front still have the Freeweb in the Zoo shut down (and that movie projector drone was mostly off-the-shelf tech). Hero Shrew OoC: I wonder why? I wonder if they’re going to start feeding fake news to the mob, so they can direct it somewhere? GM: So the SLF becomes Fox News? Hardlight gets Hero Shrew onto the group channel. Hardlight: Hey Scooter, have PRIMUS showed up yet? Hero Shrew: Nope. (A couple of unconscious Moreaus aren’t exactly a priority) What’s happening in the Zoo? Is everybody OK? Who do I need to punch? Hardlight: Welllll - we found your friend. Hero Shrew: Great! How is he? Hardlight: Ah… he’s been working for Doctor Steinbeck for years. Hero Shrew: ………. Hardlight: Hello? *tap tap* Is this still working? Hero Shrew: OK, two things. Where’s Nick, and where’s Steinbeck? Hardlight: Well, Nick’s here at the hospital, but we don’t know about Steinbeck Hero Shrew: …….. OK, f*** this guys, I’m coming there. GM: You haven’t even asked the important question yet! Flux: I think I’ve figured out why we split the party - we only need one idiot in an area at a time Fireflash: Scooter, stay there until I can get there. The doctors need your HELP keeping Nick ALIVE. Scooter thinks Nick is insufficiently caffeinated - he’s never seen the fox without coffee before. But he DOES know who the Moreaus go to for medical care, given their distrust of the profession. Not that he’s ever needed one himself - he’s never been ill a day in his life. Anyway, the person who runs the Zoo Clinic goes by the name of Doctor Soma. GM: OK, here's a picture of Dr Soma - but keep in mind my choice of picture does NOT reflect the personality of Dr Soma Hero Shrew's player: *sees picture, swears violently* GM: NO REFLECTION OF PERSONALITY Just as well, really - if Dr Soma really was like Lunevka we'd all be in trouble. Flux: Female? GM: Definitely. Flux: Stacked? Hero Shrew: .. sort of? GM: Well-built, certainly. Hardlight: What species is she? Hero Shrew: I don’t think she has a species. Flux: Well, what does she look like? Hero Shrew: Well, you know that thing they make kids go to? The .. ballet thing. With the soldiers. Hardlight: … Nutcracker Suite? Hero Shrew: That’s it. Well, she looks like one of them. Hardlight: A tin soldier? Hero Shrew: Yeah, but without the hat. Hardlight: … I keep forgetting it’s not just Moreaus in the zoo. GM: You’re also aware that Soma has a connection to Guilt-rider. Hero Shrew: I think they’re cousins. GM: Stop making shit up! Hero Shrew: They were roommates in college? Flux: This is what happens when information is filtered through Scooter. Hardlight heads to one of the clinic locations, in the hope that Soma is actually in tonight. Flux: I’m going with him - because I can guess what will happen the moment he opens his mouth. It doesn’t help - they can’t find her anyway. Flux: I think I understand why there aren’t many doctors that work on Moreaus - most of them would go mental just trying to get them to eat a healthy diet. GM: And you can guess how the Moreaus would react if someone told them to go see a vet. In fact, we have so little luck finding any medical aid for Nick that we get a bit desperate. Hardlight: By this point I’m desperate enough to project a ‘Has Anybody Seen Guilt-Rider?’ sign on the clouds. Flux: The Rat-signal. Scooter goes to talk to his boss at the collar club, but it soon becomes obvious that Scooter is looking for medical aid for the traitor. Hero Shrew: Send them to the big human hospital, they’re expecting help. Colin the Collie: They must be in a bad way. Hero Shrew: Yep. Colin: … it’s not Nick, is it? Hero Shrew: Would it matter if it was? Colin: YES! Hero Shrew: Hey, we DO need him alive to find Steinbeck. And whoever tried to drop him into the middle of the mob wants him dead. Colin the Collie: ….. FINE, I’ll ask around. We probably want to drag him back here and put him before a tribunal anyway. Hero Shrew: Hey, I understand! Fireflash had to talk me down too. Flux: I think I know why Lil isn’t at the brothel and Dr Soma isn’t at the clinic. Who would need to attend the birth, when your entire community has NO experience with pregnant Moreaus? GM: FINALLY Still, finding out which building Madam Lil, Dr Soma, and the mother and child are probably at is easier than expected - the tin-soldier medic probably arrived in the steam-powered clockwork horse and carriage parked out the front of an house in the Zoo, although it DOES have a pretty potent Somebody Else’s Problem field. Hardlight: Steampunk! My only weakness! The door is answered by Lil’s head of security, the well-endowed snow leopard. Hero Shrew: Nice to see you both. Autumn: Eyes up here, Scooter. How’d you find us? Hero Shrew: The clockwork pony show was a clue. Autumn: Oh - you’re looking for the doctor. Hero Shrew: Yeah, is she here? Autumn: ……….. Yes. Hero Shrew: Great, we need to get her help with a Moreau patient who’s probably going to die without it. Whether or not he gets it, honestly. Autumn: Are we talking about Nick? Hero Shrew: Got it in one. Autumn: …. Don’t tell Lil about this. Last I heard she was going to grind up his cojones and use them as fertilizer, then changed her mind because she didn’t want anything growing from it. Doctor Soma diagnoses Nick’s condition as a critical shortage of the synthetic neurotransmitter PKN-1-Z, which regulates enhanced reflexes - which Scooter guesses is what kept Nick working for Steinbeck. And worse, even if Soma can install a suppressor, Nick is unlikely to survive the week unless he can get another supply, or put him into cryosleep. Dr Soma: I’d appreciate it if you didn’t tell anybody about how PKN-1-Z can be used as a leash. Now if you don’t mind, I have a patient here that needs my actual presence. And next time you need a consultation, try to find someone else. Hardlight: Steinbeck must have been using the supply of PNK-1-Z to control the superpowered Moreaus - but how does that explain Scooter? Flux: He made normal Moreaus too Hero Shrew: I’m Normal! Hooray! Fireflash goes through her little black book of contacts, but the only one that answers is her old high school counselor - who nonetheless points out that hot sleep tech is strictly regulated (especially after Genesys used so much of it), and that Edge City’s biotech companies might be able to help with the neurotransmitter. Hardlight: I suggest we get some sleep and work on the problem in the morning. Hero Shrew: YOU can, I have to find out what a good gift for a baby is. GM: And you don’t even know what species it is. Hero Shrew: Basically PNK-1-Z is Ketracel-White. GM: Yes! Finally! I’m not afraid to steal ideas! Hero Shrew: So if we can get our own supply of it, we can put the word out, and anybody that’s only working for Steinbeck because they need this stuff can come to us. GM: And the Biotech companies will be overjoyed to have access to the Moreau market. Hero Shrew: The patient is unconscious, he can’t tell us where he was getting it from, and if we don’t find some soon he’s going to die. GM: You’re lucky that of the four Moreaus you were fighting earlier, only Lilith actually needed PNK-1-Z, and she got away. Three Moreaus dying in PRIMUS custody would look bad. Biotech Rep: If the Moreaus have this deficiency, where have they been getting their supply before now? Hardlight: … extra-legally? Biotech Rep: I’m sure I don’t want to know any more - at least until I’ve talked to our legal department. Still, the biotech guy does do some digging - the neuropeptide in question is related to ones that Genesys and other companies in partnership were working on, long before they started making the Moreaus. PNK-28-N might be a workable stop-gap treatment, and they have some in town. Flux: For some reason I can’t stop thinking about Dr Soma and her porcelain face, and the woman ‘enhanced’ by the guy that made the base we’re in now - the guy that made the mechanical owl. Hero Shrew: Galatea. Flux: Yeah, her.

The Rick & Morty Christmas in July Betrayal on the House on the Hill Special (slightly delayed because I've been busy) Rick: It’s a special episode, Morty! It’s a sequel! We do these now! The Simpsons have been doing them for decades! Rick: A puzzle box? Like that’s going to be a problem. Lament Configuration my ass. *fails to unlock it, looks annoyed, keeps trying* Aramis: Fred Jones was a prepper. Weldun: Prepper or preppie? Those are too very different things. Morty falls through the floor into a basement surgery, where a smiling goth woman stabs him in the eye with a hypodermic needle. Morty: AAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH hey, I got a neuro-mod. Meanwhile Rick is plowing through rooms filled with cockroaches and choking dust. Rick: I’m dying Morty! Morty, dying! *losing any patience he had with the puzzle box and going at it with a hammer* The haunt is a small boy that enjoys a good game of Murderball, unless we can distract him with other weapons. Rick: This ghost doesn’t have any imagination, Morty! You could use half the things in this house as a weapon! Morty: Maybe you shouldn’t say that, Rick, you’ll give the- Rick: *bounces the puzzlebox off Morty’s skull* Morty: Owwww! Rick: See what I mean, Morty? See what I mean? Morty: Of course Jerry’s the only one stupid enough to play a game with a creepy ghost kid. Summer: Dammit, dad! The little bastard ghost keeps jumping from body to body, and uses a bloodstone slingshot as a weapon. Predictably, Rick proves the most dangerous, and corners Summer in one of the hidden rooms. Summer: Ah, Grandpa Rick? You’re looking a bit scary… *screams* Creepy Ghost Kid: Hey! I didn’t say you could quit! *resurrects Summer and throws her back into the game* Morty parries Rick’s slingshot attack with a chainsaw, and the ghost swaps into this suddenly much more interesting playmate. Rick immediately realises how much trouble he’s in and is pursued across the mansion by a homicidal grandson. Rick OoC: Not sure I can blame that on the ghost. Rick: This is your fault, Jerry! Eventually Jerry, of all people, tricks the ghost brat into abandoning the bloodstone for a more interesting weapon. The moment it does, it gets drags down to a long overdue Eternal Punishment. Jerry: I beat the ghost! I beat the ghost! Rick: You condemned a kid to Hell, Jerry! I hope you’re proud of yourself! Eternal Torment! Fire and Brimstone! And I don’t even believe in God!

Champions - Return To Edge City - The Team Visits A Furry Brothel Edge City’s Only Compet^h^^h Superhero Team, Quadrant, have just apprehended a bunch of human supremacists, who were making their way through the utility tunnels under Edge City towards the Moreau neighborhood, where they could have done a LOT of damage if they hadn’t been intercepted by a super-powered Moreau and his superfriends. And by ‘apprehended’ and ‘intercepted’ we mean ‘beaten unconscious’. Even if we can’t prove they were on their way to to the Zoo to commit an atrocity, we can still get them on property damage and possessing illegal weapons. GM: After you hand them over to the ECPD, do you want to follow this up? Hero Shrew: Well, yes, they have plasma weaponry and powered exo-armour - that would be worth chasing up even if they weren’t racist pricks. GM: You brought up Winnie the Pooh (and hence Taoism.) Hero Shrew OoC: And then Monkey. GM: So, trigger! Fireflash: No no, that’s Will Rogers. But first, off to Madam Lil’s brothel. Hero Shrew: *bangs on the door* I promise I’m not here for a job! Instead of Madam Lil, the door is opened by a younger otter in a short black dress, long sleeved shirt, and so on. Fortunately someone clamps a hand over Scooter’s mouth before he can say something like ‘Going for the Sexy Schoolgirl look, are you?’ because it’s Tammy, Madam Lil’s unofficially adopted daughter who was just a cub when the Moreaus broke out from the Genesys lab. Hero Shrew: Hey Tammy, is your Mum in? We need to talk to her. Tammy: She’s busy. Hero Shrew: Oh? Well, we can wait. Tammy: She’s BUSY. Hero Shrew: Oh?.... OH. It’s not that springbok gangster is it, we can wait 30 seconds. Flux: ‘How did Scooter get knocked into next week’ ‘ He opened his mouth.’ Fireflash: ‘How did Scooter get knocked into next week?’ ‘He deserved it.’ Fireflash: We can come back in an hour. Tammy: Well… Fireflash: Two hours? Tammy: …. Fireflash: Who is this guy and how do I find him? Fireflash talks to Lil’s head of security, a snow leopard Moreau. The feline’s body language - ears and tail particularly - are quite easy for humans to read, and she gets QUITE twitchy when Fireflash explains that armoured heavily armed speciesists might know about certain individuals. We head over to one of the Zoo’s kurbside cafes for a meal, in case Madam Lil DOES get a free moment. Hardlight: Good evening, citizens! GM: Oh. OH. Open mouth, insert mouth. Because you just called them citizens, and what’s the one thing they can’t be? Within half hour you’ve got a riot on your hands. Fireflash: I just wanted a souvlaki. At least Hardlight’s reputation as a well-meaning idiot works in his favour this time. Fireflash: We need to alter your costume to include a ball gag. Flux: Well we are going back to Lil’s. Flux: Well, at least everybody knows we’re here now. Hardlight: I’m going to go somewhere else in the Qruiser. Flux, wanna come Flux: Can you even drive the Qruiser? Hardlight: That’s why I wanted you to come. Flux finishes the police paperwork that will allow him to go over the powered armour for clues - the basic frame is heavy industrial exo-armour, but the weapons like the force manacles are from an old PRIMUS program that got dropped because it was so expensive. Either that means something’s gone missing from a warehouse somewhere, or confirms the Human Supremacy Front’s connections to a defunct terrorist organisation called Genocide, which had a LOT of high-level connections within the industrial-military complex. Possibly both. And one of the weapon systems is a cobbled together hybrid of two unrelated weapon types. Flux: I’m going to kill those tinkerers. GM: Actually, no-one in Dysprosium Dawn would do something like this. Hero Shrew: It’s ugly. GM: It’s a kludge. Flux: And we still don’t have a kludge who’s making them. Flux also discovers, to his total astonishment, that the ones in business suits were using some kind of room-temperature superconductor - superconductor of electricity AND heat - as a weave in the suit lining. Madam Lil is ready to see us - reclining on a chaise-longue in a slit-sided dress. Hero Shrew: 8P GM: Scooter, you work in a titty bar. Hero Shrew: Yeah, but I don’t see them everyday. GM: You see this kind of thing every day, trust me. Hero Shrew: That’s the girls at the Collie Club, I don’t see Madam Lil every day. GM: … True. Well, ogle away - she’s doing this to see which ones of you react. Hardlight: I ogle her with submillimeter radar. As it turns out she has a hold-out laser pistol tucked into her garter. Fireflash: Basically… we know about the Moreau kid. Hero Shrew: That’s almost like I’d have said it! Madam Lil is not pleased that the word is out. She goes over Hardlight’s holographic whiteboard of political ramifications the team hashed out, adds a column for co-belligerents, moves Guilt-rider from enemy to ally to our surprise, and adds STEINBECK to the threats. He’s the one Steiners are named after, and escaped the prosecutions of Genesys staff with the help of his favorite experiment. Madam Lil: There’s been sightings of Labrat lurking around. Of course, Madam Lil isn’t stupid enough to have the child on the premises. Madam Lil: At least I had some of the things I needed for her, thanks for the tastes of some of my clients. Fireflash: Oh. I see. Squicked to the gills, but I see. Hero Shrew: What? Hero Shrew OoC: Take it as read that unless someone explains kink gear to Scooter later, he’ll remain confused. Fireflash: We need to regularise this - normalise the idea of the Moreaus having kids in the public awareness. Hardlight: I’ll get right on that. Well, my media people, not me personally. Fireflash: Yeah, definitely not you. Hero Shrew: First thing first, re-runs of the Muppet Babies. Madam Lil: One thing we have to do - the moment this child is born we get them on camera. Fireflash: Of course - they’re bound to cuter than cute. Fireflash and Madam Lil hammer out a plan to divert everybody away from rumours of the Moreau - leak the news of the formation of a Neighborhood Watch for the Zoo. Moreaus getting organised will be boring to most interest groups, and very distracting to the racists. Fireflash: The ECPD already has a few Moreau officers. Madam Lil: Morteau officers who have to be partnered with a human who gives them orders - but we’ll take what we can get. Fireflash: You take what you can get and then take the next inch. Flux: *chokes* Fireflash: Sweetie… consider where you are. Madam Lil also gives Fireflash some advice about not getting lewd selfies leaked to the public. Fireflash: It’s not like I need to send anybody selfies, I’d just turn up at their door naked. Madam Lil: It would appear you have a lot to discuss - and I have a lot to do that you don’t need to hear. We leave, and immediately run into an alarming foxgirl with a sword. A foxgirl who is really, weirdly, hard to remember. Hardlight: Uh, hello? Kitsune: It seems you did a favour for me, early this evening. Flux: It’s possible. Kitsune: And I hate getting my sword dirty. Flux: Oh, the racists. You’re welcome. Kitsune: Keep it up. Because if you ever fail, you’ll have to come after me. *steps back into shadow, and three of us forget even meeting her* Hardlight: …. Where did she go? Flux: Wasn’t there a foxgirl here a second ago? Flux pieces enough of his memory together to realise that if we fail to protect the Moreaus, there will be blood in the streets and the city will burn. Hero Shrew: Was this a specific threat from somebody we can’t remember? Fireflash calls her FBI contact. Contact: It’s 10 at night, the city better be on fire. Fireflash: It isn’t now, but it might be shortly. Contact: … Fireflash: I need a discrete cryptographer. Hero Shrew: Why do you need a discrete photographer? Fireflash: CRYPTOGRAPHER. Hero Shrew: Ah, that makes more sense - I thought it was something to do with the lewd selfies from earlier. The discrete cryptographer meets Fireflash for coffee, but is paranoid enough to think that the plan to leak inadequately encrypted emails about the Neighbourhood Watch scheme is too sketchy for him. He tells Hardlight not to call him again, leaves a ‘business card’, and Fireflash goes to the address that was actually on the card. Sketchy Cryptographer: Who sent you? Fireflash: Our mutual friend in the Federal Building. Sketchy: *panics* prove it! Fireflash: *shows the card* Here’s his handwriting Sketchy: Shit, he did send you. Fireflash: I need the Sanity Liberation Front to be able to decrypt this when they intercept it. Sketchy: Whoa whoa whoa, the SLF figure out you’re messing with them, my digital fingerprints will be all over this. And you heard what they did to Waterbed Pete - they assassinated him just because his ads were loud and annoying. And they’ll be able to track Fireflash here by using the security footage outside the building, and checking the records for the apartments. Sketchy: *looks Fireflash up and down* But if I’m going to do this, you sit there. I may as well get a reputation while you’re here *leers*. Fireflash: Want to know how I spent my summer break? Sketchy: Will it ruin my fantasies about you? Fireflash: I was at a nudist camp in France. Sketchy: BSOD Fireflash takes further delight in teasing her new associate, despite his attempts to maintain his persona of a lonely loser. Then she heads home for a late night of social media posts, ‘accidentally’ posts the inadequately encrypted file about the Moreau’s community building exercise to Flux’s blog ‘No Flux Given’ and follows up later with a request begging him not to download that file, and delete it if he has. The bait has been set. Hero Shrew: Hey, I found out about the thing I’m not supposed to know about but I’m not going to tell anybody unless someone says I can. Nick: This coffee must be really good or you’ve started making sense. Hero Shrew: Yeah, we were around at Madam Lil’s for a few hours last night. Nick: Dude, you just made a liar of yourself. And I hate you because I just used ‘Dude’ unironically. Hardlight: I’m surprised nobody has tried to figure out my secret ID yet. GM: Honestly, they probably all just assume you’ll blurt it out in public one day. Of course, it’s increasingly unlikely that you’re Gareth Lowell, successful and insightful businessman. No one will believe that you’re also Hardlight. Fireflash: ‘The Man Without An Edit Button’ At least the baby is going be born in the next few days - but it’s just as well they’re not relying on Scooter for the information, or it could be any time in the next nine months. GM: Your street-level investigator has poor communication skills. Hero Shrew OoC: ‘She’s going to have a baby’ ‘What, now????’ Hero Shrew: So, what kind of motorbike should I get? GM: Here you go *posts up a cobbled together monstrosity* Fireflash: Off-road and six wheels - appropriate. Hero Shrew: Something loud and annoying? Hardlight: Have I mentioned that you should see a podiatrist? Hero Shrew: It’s ok, I can sharpen my toenails with my teeth. Flux: Thanks to Captain Foot-in-Mouth calling the Moreaus citizens, we nearly had a riot in the Zoo. Hardlight: Hey, it wasn’t a riot. Flux: They were throwing stuff. Hero Shrew: The fact that most of them know you’re an idiot is the only reason you got out alive. The powered exo-armour that the racists goons were using had non-sequential serial numbers - probably bought legally from a variety of sources. Hero Shrew: So nobody is likely to panic if we suddenly turn up at their secondhand exo-armour yard. Flux: Well, they might panic because they know us from the news. Hero Shrew: Anything on the racist scumbag message boards anticipating the attack? GM: Not really - they go on about the Moraeus breeding all the time. They think the flat population number is proof the Moreaus are raising their children in secret underground tunnel networks. Hero Shrew: Ah, the real secret of Undersconsin. We should probably start checking through the employee list at those secondhand places though, to see exactly how many had the skillset to upgrade them to military-spec. But first Scooter needs to tell his boss at the Collar Club that he’s going to be busy. Colin: Yeah, it’s nice of you to show up - you need to clear out your locker. Hero Shrew: .. what? Colin: It’s starting to stink. Hero Shrew: *walking innocently towards a possible girlfriend-in-refrigerator moment* That’s weird - there shouldn’t be anything in there that’d smell. *stares at the extremely elderly mealworm bar that he certainly didn’t leave in there, and a burlap sack* Is somebody playing silly buggers? There’s 30 metal strips stamped with Ag 70C/14g. Colin has no idea what they are, or how they got into Scooter’s locker. Scooter sends a photo to Flux and Fireflash. Flux: Did you find these in a bank vault? GM: Somebody has done a not very nice thing to Scooter. Fireflash probably gets the reference. Hero Shrew OoC: Oh. Thirty pieces of silver. GM: Just as well the whole thing goes completely over Scooter’s head. Hero Shrew: So do I need to chew on them to see if they’re real silver or something? So something is annoyed with Scooter, and that person is anal enough to know the difference between the common shekel and the Tyrian shekel. It’s an expensive and highly pedantic insult. Hero Shrew: I wonder if it’s because we got Thunder and Lightning arrested. Flux: You don’t have that bloodhound girl as a Contact, do you? Hero Shrew: No. Wish I did. I wish I had her number in my little black book, if you know what I mean. Flux: *sigh* No, I don’t know what you mean. Please explain in excruciating detail. Flux has an idea - the magical principle of synecdoche can be used to determine where the ingots were produced. That might not be relevant, but a technomage like Flux of course thinks that any information is worth knowing. It doesn’t work, anyway. Hero Shrew: What should I do with these? I don’t want to sell them - somebody really twisted would send me this whole 30 pieces of silver thing, AND make sure I was done for handling stolen goods. Should we keep them in the secret base? Flux: You do know synecdoche works both ways, right? No point asking Sally the scenthound if she can smell anything on the silver ingots - the decaying mealworm bar trumps everything. Flux: Well, what’s next Judas Iscariot? Hero Shrew: My name’s not Judith. Scooter goes to talk to his friend Nick, to see if anybody else thinks he’s a Judas. Nobody has seen Nick for a couple of days, which is REALLY weird. Flux: Has his wife seen him? Hero Shrew: I don’t think he’s married. Nick’s a playa. And his tiny one-room crib is nearly bare. Hero Shrew: I’ve seen cardboard boxes with more stuff in them than this. Fireflash: I believe you. Hero Shrew: I mean, everybody went to Nick if they wanted information - he was The Fox To Talk To. Fireflash: That may have been the problem. Hardlight’s submillimeter radar detects a hidden compartment in the back of Nick’s flatpack desk. It’s surrounded by silica packets, and appears to be an improvised biometric and DNA scanner used for secure access to information systems. GM: You’re all crammed in the one tiny room? Hero Shrew: We take turns. GM: That has connotations. Fireflash: Especially with me in here. GM: ‘What are you all doing in Nick’s room?’ ‘We’re taking turns’ ’I’ve found something!’ ‘Is that Fireflash? You’re taking turn with-’ It’s also weird that there’s no fur in the apartment. At all. And Nick’s top-end vacuum cleaner has an incinerator attachment, and his cleaning chemicals are hospital grade. Nick scrupulously avoids any traces of his DNA being left around. Fireflash: The only people that would want Nick’s DNA - Genesys - already have it. So he must be hiding his DNA from somebody else. What if he’s not a Moreau at all? GM: DUNDUNDUN Fireflash: What if he’s an uplifted fox made by the original Dr Moreau? Hero Shrew: Or a spy from the Furry dimension? Fireflash: Or a human in prosthetics? Hero Shrew: A fur-suiter? GM: Do you have any idea how long I’ve been waiting for Hero Shrew to say he was hitting the streets again? Maybe it’s just because he has a gene-locked device and doesn’t want to leave the key lying around the house? Do you need the clue bat? Flux does do his technomancy on the bioscanner, and determines that it last connected to an inactive router node, probably in Edge City. in fact, it’s a Freeweb Router, which shouldn’t be inactive at all. Hardlight checks with his infobusiness connections, and discovers it’s one of the early nodes, near the Hellgate Institute - and very close to where Genesys used to be. Hero Shrew: You do have to wonder who thought Hellgate was a good name for the place, given the world we live in. Fireflash: My surname is Hellstrom. And since LowellTech has the contract for the Freeweb in that part of town, we can go investigate legally. Or at least Hardlight and Flux can, out of costume, since Fireflash and Hero Shrew are a bit conspicuous no matter what they’re wearing. The router has been configured to only rout data-packets when it receives a signal from certain authorised devices - such as that biometric scanner we found at Nicks. Fireflash somehow fails to notice a weird truck pull up, and four figures get out and head for the same maintenance door that Flux and Hardlight used. Four ugly-ass Moreaus. Google-Mini: I’m sorry, I don’t understand. GM: Upstaged by Google Mini again. We’ll call it there.

Pathfinder, Mummy's Mask, and an adorable rom-com about a gnoll and somebody of indeterminate species Weldun: I’m picturing Jrska and Zenobia meeting and going “It’s my evil opposite!” “What do you mean, I’M evil?” Asrian: Are you male or female? Zenobia: Female, of course! Asrian: You’ve got a penis. That’s not normal. Zenobia: *splutters* Of course I do! What do you think I should have?! Asrian: Oh right, you’re a gnoll. Is this a gnoll thing? Zenobia OoC: …. Excuse me while I go invent the steam train, so my brain can derail. Onka OoC: I missed the chance for a ‘check for traps’ joke. And of course, Zenobia’s encounter with the flying heads left her as bald as a egg. Asrian: I’ll help with the grooming. GM: That’s one hell of a comb-over. Onka does find some hair growth formula in the market - it’s usually used as an attack potion, but a small dose should suffice to restore Zenobia’s pelt. Zenobia: It had better be a small dose - I don’t want to end up looking like a Pomeranian. Asrian: Long silky hair is sexy. Zenobia: … use more. Asrian OoC: So, is Zenobia still flirting with Asrian? Zenobia OoC: Crushing on, certainly. I’m not sure Zenobia knows how to flirt. Certainly not outside her species. And I’m pretty sure Asrian won’t appreciate the gnoll concept of flirtation - ‘Look who I killed! Let’s have them for dinner’. Asrian OoC: And I’m pretty sure Zenobia is completely oblivious of the fact that Asrian is flirting with her XD Nemat: We’ve noticed. In fact, Nemat goes to Asrian to tell her to be more blatant in her flirtations with the clueless gnoll. In fact, he has the perfect gift - that haunted engagement ring that needs to be exorcised, by being given to somebody as a genuine token of affection. Asrian: You know I’m stronger than most humans, right? Zenobia: I know, you’re amazing! Asrian: Yes, well I’m not human. Zenobia: … OK? Asrian: I’m Suli. I’m half-djinn. Zenobia: …….. OK? Nemat OoC: Just as well neither Onka or me are there, or we’d be listing all the uses for Suli blood. Asrian: I just wanted you to know… I like you. And I wanted you to have this ring. Zenobia: *blushing incandescent* Onka OoC: Just don’t tell her it’s the haunted ring. Nemat: Not haunted anymore. Zenobia: I ….. need to go in the other room for a bit? Asrian: *wilts* Zenobia: *goes in the other room, leans against the wall, gnaws her paw and makes squeeing noises for a while* Nemat’s also been preparing a set of rings for the entire party, after the whole engagement ring thing gave him the idea. Zenobia isn’t quite ready for a four-way marriage. Zenobia: I, I mean, you’re a comrade, a buddy, but I don’t think about you that way! Nemat: *sigh* the rings will consecrate the Covenant of Wati - we’ll know when the others take the ring off, or die. Zenobia: OOOOOH right, THAT kind of ring ceremony, good idea. Onka OoC: This is what we get when the GM is the buttmonkey. Of the other adventuring groups, most of them have come back alive - but there’s no sign of Veldriana Hypaxes and her party, the Scorched Hand, that got so cranky about not getting to explore the Sanctum of the Eye, a temple once dedicated to the God-nee-Pharaoh Nethys. Hmm. Nemat thinks this should be investigated, the next time we go into the Necropolis. Especially since we got assigned that building today. Zenobia is too busy touching the ring Asrian gave her, and make squeeing noises, whenever she thinks no-one is looking. Nemat: Hypaxes! Bandit1: *whispered* Who’s Hypaxes? Bandit 2: *hissed* Shut up you moron! Asrian: Bandits. Zenobia: What?? Nemat: I know you’re there - you may as well come out. Bandit: OK, you know we’re here, but we’d rather you weren’t. Unless you want things to get dicey? Nemat: We are here with the permission of the Pharaoh and the Cult of Pharasma. There is history here that belong to all the people of Osirion, not just the followers of Nethys. After all, Nethys was once a Pharaoh himself. Bandit 1: *whispered* What’s Nethys got to do with this? Bandit 2: *hissed* SHUT UP! Asrian: They’re not Nethysian. Nemat: Ah. People in need of.. enlightenment. Bandit 2: OK, I don’t get paid enough for this kind of thing, we’re leaving. Zenobia: One question - have you seen a party calling themselves the Scorched Hand around here? Bandit 2: *visibly startled* Zenobia: The gods will look favourably upon your honesty. Asrian: And my bow unfavourably upon dishonesty. Bandit 2: *visibly calculating* Nope. Haven’t seen a thing. Zenobia: *sigh* Nemat: And here I was hoping Sarenrae would smile on us today. Turns out there were others hiding as well, but we shrug off the hail of crossbow fire without a scratch, and THEY get themselves entangled in their own nets. Zenobia: This is just sad. I’m starting to think they aren’t bandits - they’re not very good at it. Nemat throws his morning star up in the air, draws and throws his spear, and catches the mace again without even looking. The rest of our attacks are equally impressive. Bandit: We yield, we yield, we’ll tell you everything! Nemat retrieves his spear, and Zenobia patches up the wounded bandits. Nemat: Right then. Veldriana Hypaxes. The Scorched Hand. Bandit: Is that the girl with the purple hat? Nemat: Yes. Bandit: She paid to stop anybody going to the temple up the road! Nemat: Of course she did. Bandit: We should never have taken the money! We’re just trappers! Nemat: Coming into the Necropolis without the permission of the Cult of Pharasma is bad for your health. I’ve found the bodies. Bandit: Can we go now? Zenobia: How long ago did you see them? Bandit: This morning. Zenobia: Thank you - you can go now. Get that dressing checked at the temple of Sarenrae tomorrow. You don’t want it getting infected. Nemat: And don’t forget you have to thank the light of Sarenrae for this mercy. I’d also suggest a donation to the temple of Wadjet. Bandit 1: Surprisingly nice for a band of professional killers. Bandit 2: WILL YOU SHUT UP. Nemat: I’ve always just thought of us as scholars with good survival skills. The Sanctum of the Eye is a rather odd-looking building, with wings and extensions added without any evident symmetry, and decorated with images of Nethys and other celestial beings. There are, of course, armed statues either side of the entrance. Zenobia: Maybe we should go in another entrance. GM: I assume you’re approaching cautiously? Nemat: Well d’uh. I’m also expecting giant bugs again. Something with too many legs anyway. Some minor excitement later, we study the tracks in the dust. Four humanoids went in, and one barefoot humanoid came out. Zenobia: It’s just as well one of the ones that went in was barefoot, or I’d be looking at that set coming out and saying ‘mummy’. The atrium is pretty impressive, and includes something labelled the Pool of Protection. Of course we need to get close to read the hieroglyphs. The fact that every bit of wood in the suspiciously well-preserved building is radiating a very odd magical aura is equally worrying. Still, Zenobia is well-equipped to deal with the more likely poisons or plagues. Zenobia: But if the wood starts glowing in an indescribable Colour I’m getting the hell out. Zenobia: Does anybody think we should have told the Cult of Pharasma that the Scorched Hand have gone in here, and hired pseudo-bandits to stop anybody else going in? Nemat: Wellllll, they might not have been very politic about it, but they didn’t kick up THAT much of a fuss. Zenobia: And I suppose I should give them the benefit of the doubt. And they might need help - only one of them came out. Nemat: Yeaaaah, that’s not a good sign. And then a face emerges from the mosaic in the fountain. Nemat: Uh, hello? (You never know, it might work) Entire Temple: *in Ancient Osiriani* The Sanctum is currently closed. Please leave. It’s actually an elemental spirit. Nemat suspects it was bound here when the Sanctum was built. GM: Congratulations - you’ve found the receptionist. Nemat: Yes, a receptionist that could squash us like bugs. Forgive us, Great One, we are here on the orders of the Pharaoh. Onka: I might not know Ancient Osiriani but I recognise the cadence. Zenobia: And the respectful bow. Unless he said something more alarming. Nemat: ‘Welcome, Dark Lord’ Zenobia: ‘please accept these sacrifices’ Nemat: ‘I have brought a tender black cherry for you’ Onka: ‘I think he called me some kind of fruit’ The Guardian approaches in a flow of architecture. It’s trying to be very careful in its wording, as it asks us to leave, refusing to saying more than it’s for ‘protection’, and obliquely referencing somewhere else we can go for more information, and helpfully calling up a map of the Sanctum with an arrow pointing to the stairs to the other level of the Sanctum, which we didn’t even know existed. GM: We still have to look at Zenobia’s equipment. Onka: Ahemahem. GM: PHRASING. GM: The face of the Guardian appears again as you approach the stairway. Zenobia: ‘This is not the way you should be going if you want to avoid trouble. TURN AROUND IF YOU WANT TO AVOID TROUBLE’ Nemat: I suspect the only reason we’re not fighting this thing is because I held up the paperwork and said ‘we’re meant to be here’. GM: …. No comment. Guardian: Please be aware that their are hostile entities in this area. Zenobia: Thank you. Nemat: ‘There are other guardians and I can’t do anything about them.’ It probably isn’t a guardian, per se, but there IS a zombie in the privy. And others coming out of the side rooms. They’re still dressed in the outfits of Acolytes of Nethys. Zenobia: He was in there for a while. Asrian: I take it that these aren’t the kind of bodies we’re supposed to treat respectfully? Nemat: If they get up we’re allowed to put them down again. One of the zombies has the effrontery to snack on Asrian, to Zenobia’s howling fury and violent retribution. Unfortunately, it being a rather rubbery undead, it is entirely unaffected. Nemat attempts to disrupt it, but instead draws the brief attention of some kind of extradimensional eye. Nemat: Um. *everybody takes a step away* These zombies prove distressingly effective, and Asrian is badly savaged. Possibly Zenobia’s wrath supercharges Nemat’s holy water, since the last zombie goes up in flames. Zenobia: *patting Asrian all over* Are you OK? Asrian: Don’t touch me! Zenobia: *whimpers, puppy-dog eyes* Asrian: *silver eyes glittering as if tearing up* GM: And the corridor fills up with floating pink hearts. Nemat: *swatting at the valentine swarm* We have a job to do. We also find some more freshly-destroyed undead - the Scorched Hand have clearly been through here. Nemat: SON OF A MOTHERF**KING WHORE OF A GOAT! Onka: I didn’t know you could say that in Ancient Osiriani. Asrian: NOBODY could swear like the Ancient Osirians. It’s becoming clear that Hypaxes and her friends have some kind of control over the Sanctum’s guardian - probably some kind of keystone - and likely some kind of influence over former acolytes of Nethys. We also find some old sanctum papyrus-work that’s disintegrated from age, but a few Mending spells later we have a high priest’s journal and plenty of useful context documents that the archeologists are going to love. But nothing actually relevant to the current problem - the Scorched Hand poaching our gig. We proceed down a short corridor, towards the stairs, cautiously. Warnings saying ‘High Priests only’ are not to be taken lightly. Asrian: Because this is where I’d put the traps, if it was up to me. Zenobia: There isn’t any bloodsplatter on the floor, walls, or ceiling is there? Actually, there is. The Scorched Hand obviously didn’t spot the trap, and it looks like they looted the next room too. Onka: That’s OUR loot! Asrian: There are RULES, dammit! Guardian: Please be aware that only followers of Nethys are allowed past this point. Nemat: I’m expecting Graven Guardians, a Caryatid Column or two, maybe something more exotic. Onka: What, like an enchanted zebra? The black-and-white-faced statue of the Pharaoh-cum-god Nethys that swipes at us is not even a surprise. Guardian: I DID warn you. Zenobia: Maybe we should have painted our faces black and white. Nemat: I don’t want this to be our last battlefield. Zenobia: Nice workmanship on it. Nemat: Pity we’re about to mess it up. Well, screw it - I’m an inquisitor. If my spells can’t hurt it, I can do Inquisitor stuff. YOU ARE OPPOSING THE WILL OF THE PHARAOH. The Graven Guardian casts Haste on itself. Nemat: Son of a motherless whore. Happily it manages to drop its own weapon, and gets tripped over by Asrian. Unfortunately Onka manages to miscast his own spell and conjures up a handful of acid instead. His next idea, using an unusual spell that will create coins that might actually hurt the thing, is more successful. Especially since it gives three of us the equivalent of a point-blank pistol attack. Nemat: *staring at the wreckage, the holes in the wall behind it, and his hand* The f**k? I’m beginning to see what those blackpowder mages are going on about. GM: I’m just annoyed it fumbled the only attack it got off. By the sound of it there’s combat somewhere else down here too - looks like the Scorched Hand have their own problems. We hurry along to ‘help’. There’s a fountain down here that’s currently blazing with blue fire - probably not a good sign - and the other team locked in combat with something that has a vertical mouth for a face - which is probably worse. On the other hand, all four of the Hand are here - those bare feet must have belonged to a guide. Still, Asrian pins it to the ground with a cold-iron arrow, Nemat dazes it with a sonic attack, Hypaxes Enfeebles it, and then we all sit back to turn it into a colander with ranged attacks. The creature explodes into a sandstorm, and Nemat accurately predicts the Scorched Hand will try to do a runner. Nemat and Zenobia beat them to the exit. Zenobia: My goddess behooves me to give you a second chance. So, get lost, did you? Nemat: I gave them their chance two weeks ago. I TOLD you people how to handle this, and you IGNORED me. Nemat’s obvious irritation and extended rant certainly intimidates them - and the rest of the Scorched Hand finding out that Veldriana Hypaxes lied about them being assigned the Sanctum, and worse, hired those thugs to stop anybody following them in, does not go down well with her teammates either. Nemat: Also, Where. Is. The Keystone. Veldriana attempts something rash, and turns on her teammates. Veldriana Hypaxes: The Mask is my birthright! If you don’t understand that, you’re no better than them! *attempts to cast Glitterdust* Zenobia: Mask? What mask? Nemat: I’d quite like to know that myself. Of course Asrian and Nemat were prepared for her attempt, and throw a kukri and a sonic attack before she gets the spell off. Asrian: You do not cast spells on my party members. *elaborate pose* Onka OoC: Where did that ninja come from? Nemat OoC: You didn’t realise? Wrapped head to toe, martial arts - she’s an Arabic ninja. Asrian: So, where’s this mask? Nemat: *consults the map* Well, it might be here, or here, or here. Scorched Hand Member: You’ve got a map? Where did you get a map? Nemat: The Guardian. Veldriana really pissed it off.

The House of Flying Headbones In which the Covenant of Wati continue their archeological assessment of a very thoroughly haunted house, and the gnoll Zenobia deals with her crush on the dervish Asrian. I missed the last session, because I was stalking numbats a few hundred kilometers out of Perth, so missed the demise of undead kitten horde, more giant bugs, an unusually intelligent sand elemental, and so on. It's been a long day. At least Nemat, who had predicted lots of undead in these tombs and buildings, finally got some satisfaction. Nemat Ooc: Well, Zenobia just slaughtered a kid and their parents. Zenobia OoC: what species? Nemat OoC: Human. Zenobia OoC: oh dear Nemat OoC: Well, they had let themselves go. Hyper-emaciated, really. Zenobia OoC: ah - mercy killing then They were undead skeletons. Nemat: Oh, and we found something nice for you - this golden holy symbol of Sarenrae. We also find a welcoming inscription in the atrium of the main building, surrounded by bodies. GM: But they’ve long-since disintegrated. Zenobia: Like that means anything, these days. The bodies shrug off the dust of centuries and pick up their weapons. Zenobia: *sigh* Onka: Well, we predicted a trap if we came in through the front door, and we were right. Zenobia: But a welcoming inscription and undead guardians? That’s just rude. Asrian: Maybe they were house guards that died at their post. Given the hallucinatory sounds of battle that Nemat hears as he moves in, Asrian is probably right. Asrian and Nemat deal with the first, and Zenobia explodes the second with the blessings of Sarenrae. Zenobia: Hopefully whoever these were will go on to whatever awaits them in the afterlife. Nemat: Eh, doubtful, these were spontaneous undead. Wait, these were household guard, weren’t they? F**k, this could be bad. Nemat paces and thinks aloud, about what the implications of restless spontaneous undead means, despite the blessing the cult of Pharasma cast over the Necropolis to stop that very thing happening. Zenobia: *proud of her friend’s erudition* Look, he’s lecturing again. Nemat gets the rest of us to help interr the dead properly - dying on duty and just being left to rot where they lay would be enough to piss off anybody. And death, rot and piss also helps describe the stench in the main dining room, where polished human skulls have been stacked on goblets, on silver platters. Onka: Charming. Skulls: *levitate, cackle, and attack* Asrian: Flying headbones. How Wonderful. Nemat: Zenobia, you’re up. The fear-inducing screeching, and acid spit, is a problem. Asrian obliterates most of them with one of her own spells. The rest don’t last much longer. At least the smell dissipates. Zenobia: Nemat, was this another spontaneous haunt or did somebody set this up? Nemat: Uh, um…. Probably set up. But hundreds of years ago, or yesterday? The lack of dust is not a clue, either. Nemat: All it takes is an Unseen Servant to dust the room every day. Onka: They probably buried an enchanted brick in the foundations as a focus for the spell. We poke around cautiously, Zenobia finding most of the more interesting trinkets. Asrian: She’s my seeing eye dog. Zenobia finds a ring - and gets the distinct impression that someone is breathing on her neck. Zenobia: Is that you, Asrian? Asrian: … no? Zenobia: Is anybody else behind me right now? Nemat: No? Zenobia: I think we have a problem. Nemat confirms that the ring is haunted, evil, chaotic, and magical. It’s also inscribed, in Ancient Osiriani, to one Ariseti. Then we all get to enjoy a flashback to an ancient marriage proposal, and cross-river romance, and the ring being misplaced, all at the onset of the Plague of Madness. Fancy history for a Ring of Protection +1 Nemat: It would appear the ring needs to be given as a genuine token of love and affection, as it was originally intended. That should remove the haunt. Zenobia: *goes very quiet and blushes under her fur, and tries not to look at Asrian* Onka: Well, we’ll pass it along to the priests later, and see if they can deal with it. Zenobia: Yes! Let’s do that! Zenobia distracts herself from romantic thoughts about the dervish, by looking for traps upstairs. Unfortunately for her composure, Asrian helps. Still, it DOES reveal some kind of magical aura behind one of the doors. Nemat: *casts Detect Evil* GM: Ping. Nemat: Asrian, you and Zenobia go in through the other door. Zenobia: *nods enthusiastically* We burst in the room through both doors, expecting something moderately evil, probably using Illusion magic. It’s a bedroom, with wasp nests. Nemat: Reveal yourself, fiend, we know you’re here. Male Voice: And get myself killed? I don’t think so. Nemat: I take it we have you to thank for the excitement downstairs? Male Voice: A mere parlour trick. Why have to come to my home, to destroy my house and harm my associates? Nemat: To do the will of the Pharaoh. Voice: The Pharaoh is long dead. Nemat: The current Pharaoh. Voice: MY Pharaoh is dead - the current is a pretender to the throne. Now leave my home - I have done nothing to you and your kind. Zenobia OoC: I’m just looking around for the monster - I’m expecting a Nazi skeleton filled with bees. Eventually it loses patience and tries to mentally command Nemat to jump off the balcony. It fails, but at least reveals itself as a floating horned head. Asrian and Nemat recognise it as Imanish the Div, the creature that regularly tries to lure the desperate of the town over the wall, and into the Necropolis, by posing as a friendly Djinn. Asrian: THIS f**ker! Nemat: JUDGEMENT! Asrian: I hate Djinn, I hate Divs and I HATE YOU MOST OF ALL! Fucko McHeadly attempts to flee, and avoids the attempted curbstomping by Onka who was standing in the doorway. Imanish the Div: Minions! To Me! Nemat acrobatically leaps down into the internal atrium, and hits the monster with ANOTHER scream attack before it can escape. Asrian arrives soon thereafter. Asrian: DIE YOU F**KER F**KSTAIN F**KHEAD- Nemat: Asrian? I think he’s already dead. GM: You manage to curb your battlerage long enough to realise it just said something about minions, just before the six Vargouilles arrive. Excitement ensues, and not in favour of the good guys. These flying heads ALSO have screaming attacks, which paralyse Zenobia and Onka. Nemat: ShitshitshitShitSHIT! Asrian: Don’t move. *runs up Nemat’s back, leaps off his shoulders, and back onto the upstairs balcony to protect Zenobia and Onka.* Alas, with two of us for Asrian to protect, Zenobia gets Kissed, and starts transforming into a Vargouille herself. Zenobia: *whimpering noises through the paralysation* Asrian: *something unprintable in Osirian* Nemat: It’ll be fine if we can get her into sunlight! Zenobia: nnnnhhgghgggddaAAaAAGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! Nemat: Is everybody alright up there? Asrian: No! Zenobia: I can’t feel my legs! Nemat: Please tell me nobody got Kissed. Zenobia: It put its TONGUE in my MOUTH. Nemat: Get her into the sunlight! GM: And the sun sinks over the horizon. Nemat: FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF- Despite Zenobia’s RAPID changes, including most of her fur falling out, Onka and Asrian take the time to crack the strongbox they spotted in the bedroom. Zenobia: What are you DOING??? Onka: Prioritising. Zenobia: *&^%(&^$(*! Asrian: Hey, at least this way we’ll have the money to pay the priests to cure you. GM: By the time you get Zenobia to the temple, Zenobia’s ears are starting to grow. Zenobia OoC: And they were already pretty big. Nemat: Guards! Fetch a healer! Asrian: A priest! Nemat: Both! Your most powerful one! Sebti the Crocodile herself comes running. Asrian: We ran into Imanish and his pack! Nemat: We got them but Zenobia got Kissed! Sebti: Oh Goddess - we must act quickly! Zenobia: *whimpering like a whipped dog* Happily, Sebti’s prayers work, and Zenobia stops looking quite like a Mexican Hairless. Nemat: I’ve been fretting over you the the whole time. Asrian: So have I. Nemat: But now I’m sure you’re going to be fine, I’ll get back to writing my report. Asrian: Let’s get you back to the inn for some good beer and a rest. Nemat, you handle the money. Nemat: And Onka can Mend that wedding dress we found. Zenobia: *brain derails again* Of course, Zenobia is going to look ridiculous for some time, since it’s not like her fur is going to grow back instantly. And when she wakes up in the morning she discovers she’s been thoroughly groomed. Zenobia: I’m going to need it. And I’ll probably have to worry about sunburn for the next few days. Wait… who undressed me? Asrian: I was the only one with you last night. Zenobia: *blushes so bright red she looks sunburned* Asrian: Oh, and I have a question - what gender ARE you? Zenobia: *splutters incoherently* Asrian: Because you have breasts and you’ve also got all that.

GM: It’s generally accepted that the cetacean Moreaus all headed out to sea and never came back. They might even think they’re still being hunted. Hero Shrew: So basically, No, there isn’t a supply of GMO ambergris out there. Fireflash: ‘Face the wrath of a truly EVOLVED dinosaur!’ Monster: BKAW! Flux: ‘Is that a thirty-foot chicken?’ Hero Shrew was only peripherally involved in the capture, hospitalisation, and intimidation of the Moreau super-crooks Thunder and Lightning, so hopefully he’ll be off the hook for retaliation from his fellow GMOs. Still... GM: So, who wants to catch Scooter up on the situation? Hardlight: Sure! Basically, Babies! You’re going to have to start wearing a condom, Scooter. Not that you’ve ever got to fourth base as far as I know. Flux: Scooter’s love life aside, one of the girls at Madam Lil’s got pregnant. Apparently Genesys fitted all their products with chemical birth control implants, and those implants are finally wearing off. And the police would quite like Thunder to stay in protective custody, because the Moreau community are going to PISSED that he spilled the beans. Usually the ECPD hand Moreau crooks back over to their community for punishment, because they anticipate Moreaus getting human rights eventually, and they have enough problems with the human gangs, without extra trouble from people that aren’t legally people yet. GM: So we need you, Scooter, to persuade him to stay in custody. Hero Shrew: …. Uhh… Flux: Yes, we need you to be the Face. Hero Shrew: Well. OK then. ‘The cops would like you to stay in custody for a while, but I don’t know why. I mean, I think it’s great that I might be a dad some day, but the rest of the Zoo don’t want people to know for some reason?’ GM: *sigh* Hardlight: They don’t want people to know for the same reason I’m making a plan. We don’t want this situation to turn into a bloodbath and the Zoo on fire. GM: And Humanity First are the moderates. Flux: Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuu- We now have to think about what the various organisations and gangs will think about the news. Even the Sanity Liberation Front (basically hactivists with bombs) are going to a problem, because if the news gets out the SLF will have the news worldwide within minutes. GM: The Human Supremacy Front are the reason nobody wears the Vitruvian Man around Edge City. Because they use it as a tag. Fireflash: Assholes. And the violent ultra-right Christians they hang around with are worse. And the political fallout will be significant too. The question of granting human status to Moreaus could have been put off indefinitely, and in a few decades would have been irrelevant went they all died of old age, but now Moreau reproduction will put a rocket under the issue. Some groups (the Chinese government, for one) are all in favour of granting them the franchise, but there are also plenty of vested interests that do not want another bloc added to the mix. GM: They’ll hire an alligator poolboy, but they don’t want him to vote. Hero Shrew: On the bright side, so far only us and the ECPD know you blabbed. Well, and Guilt-rider too, somehow. Maybe you could tell us where to find her, and shut down that possible leak? Thunder: I’m not going to grass on Guilt-rider! She and that merc she hangs about with are BAD NEWS. Hero Shrew: Yeah, you probably don’t want her AND the entire Moreau community on your arse. Thunder: If Tommy V finds out about this I’m dead. Hero Shrew: What, that springbok guy, really likes baseball bats? It’s not his kid, is it? Thunder: Jeez, I hope not. Hero Shrew: Why do you think he’ll be angry with you? Thunder: I’m in HOSPITAL, in POLICE CUSTODY, HELPING WITH THEIR INQUIRIES, and it’s TOMMY FUCKING V, WHAT DO YOU THINK??? But it’s probably not his kid, he always prefered the cowgirl. All: *consider the picture of the cowgirl in question* Hero Shrew: Well then. Ms. Frequent Back Pain, I see Fireflash: There’s a reason she does most of her work lying down.. GM: Who’s he in the most danger from? Flux: Right now? The police, mostly. GM: And you’ve talked him into staying in police custody. Well done. Hero Shrew: He thinks he’s in trouble with lots of people, including Tommy V. Flux: Who? Hero Shrew: That springbok that likes to work with baseball bats? GM: He doesn’t LIKE to, but people keep making him. Flux: ‘I’m just trying to make a living and people like you keep disrespecting me’. GM: If I wanted to use your Weirdness Magnet, I’d have the Nazis launch their attack from their hidden moon-base. Which probably explains one of those Greys, waiting for us in a hoodie, next to the Qruiser. Hardlight: Oh, hi, how are you guys? Grey: Our world is being invaded. Flux: … That’s not good. Grey: Minds wrapped in iron. Minds of hate. They’re heading into Chinatown. Through the tunnels. Flux: Oh god, we’re fighting in the sewers again. Hardlight: Everybody in! We’re heading to Chinatown! Maximum Warp! Hero Shrew: Make it so! GM: Did you buy lights and sirens for the Qruiser? Hardlight: …. No? We drive a legal speed to Chinatown - Flux and Fireflash fly, because it’s faster. We head into the utility tunnels, where Hardlight’s radar sense picks up mysterious figures through the wall. And some of those figures are apparently solid, four meters tall, and turned towards towards the radar. Flux: Oh fearless leader, what do your elf eyes see? GM: Good question - all the rest of you have heard over the intercom is “Um. Well, it’s not Nazi garbage monsters” and a click. And they’re Kool-aiding it through the wall now anyway. It’s four suits of big silver power armour and eight people in black suits. Hero Shrew: Woohoo! Big guys! I can hit those! *flying tackles the nearest* The armour goes down hard. Fireflash: So… good defences, but not GREAT defences. Hero Shrew: He probably wasn’t expecting to be tackled to the ground by a 5ft tall shrew. Fireflash: Does anybody? Bad Guy: Finally I get to tangle with some freaks! *shoots Scooter with some kind of plasma cannon* Hero Shrew: Hey! That stings! It rapidly becomes apparent that these guys REALLY haven’t tangled with ‘freaks’ before, because Flux almost managed to break free of an Entangle attack with his merely human strength, and Hardlight’s more explosive powers would make short work of more of them - if he hadn’t somehow managed to miss multiple targets in a confined space with an area attack. GM: It’s a gift. I seriously have to stat this out as a disadvantage ‘Played by Muskie’ Flux: Scooter looks pissed. Hero Shrew: Pissed is the natural state of shrews. The guys in suits extend the rods they’re carrying, activate force fields, and go after Hardlight. Hero Shrew: Great! If they’re that close you can drop an area-effect attack on your own feet. Flux: And probably kill himself. GM: Actually, his powers only ever make him look like an idiot. It’s his decisions that could get him killed. Hero Shrew and Fireflash finish off the other two tin cans - the former punching his a hundred feet or so back down the utility tunnel. Flux: You should punch things more often - you’re wasted doing fancy things like ‘tackle’. Hero Shrew: Yeah, but in the old days I couldn’t just punch things, because everything was a squishy human. GM: That was a squishy human too. Hero Shrew: *shrugs* Hero Shrew: *looking around at the various unconscious Humanity First members* Well, I was hoping I’d get to say ‘Which one is our informant?’ before we knocked them all out.

Champions: Return To Edge City - Won't Somebody Think of the Children? Quadrant! AKA The Usual Gang of Idiots! Fireflash: Teen queen with flight and light powers. Studying accountancy. Flux: Secretive technomage. Hardlight: Half-arsed hybrid of Iron Man and Green Lantern. Hero Shrew: Scooter Sorex, an anthropomorphic Hero Shrew, with superhuman strength, resilience, and willingness to fight anything. Just like non-anthropomorphic shrews. Scooter missed the last session, which probably is just as well, since the villains of the week were Moreaus. Specifically, a tiger with electrical powers, and a bear with kinetic absorption and fancy gauntlets. If Scooter had been there, it would have gone down like this - Thunder: Come on bro, fight me! Hero Shrew: WOOO! *throws himself into the fray, and punches the bar as hard as he can* Thunder: *absorbs the power of the punch, and goes up several levels in the Threat Assessment* Somebody: Scooter, stop punching him, you’re only making him stronger! Hero Shrew: Whoops. Still, Flux, Hardlight, and Fireflash DID stop them from getting away with all the jewels they were stealing. GM: Yes, street-level superheroes foiling a gem heist - I have to hit classic plots sometime. Hero Shrew: I wonder where they were going to hide? GM: In the Zoo. ‘What did the criminals look like?’ ‘A bear and a tiger’ Hero Shrew: Fair enough - and it’s not like the other Moreaus would be inclined to dob them in to the authorities. Hero Shrew: So you fought a bear and a tiger last week? GM: But no lion. Flux: The lion was the getaway driver, obviously. Apparently one of them did say ‘Think of the children!’ when the other said they should bug out. Assuming that wasn’t a joke, it will probably be important later. And they DID leave behind a helmet with ‘Sanctum Vitae’ written inside, and an odd partial logo resembling an Ouroboros on it. It probably isn’t the defunct holistic healing centre also in California. GM: It means Life is Sacred. Don’t any of you have Latin on your character sheet? Hero Shrew: No, I’ve never Latted. GM: You could always go check the healing center anyway, in the Quadmacoptersub. Flux: I’m sorry, the what now? GM: You never decided on a name for the team vehicle, so f**k you. Flux: Hey, Firelash wanted to call it the Quadraphibious Qruiser. Flux: I’m after suggestions from our fearless leader. Fireflash: I’m not the leader! Hero Shrew: Oooh, oooh, can I be? GM: Technically, it’s him. *points at Hardlight* Hardlight: Yes, I’m the leader, I just delegate everything to you three. One odd thing about the attempted theft - they were targeting only jewellry with gemstones, instead of precious metals only - metals would be much easier to melt down and sell. But Hero Shrew can’t think of any Moreaus that eat gemstones. Hardlight: Nobody’s being trying to genetically engineer My Little Pony dragons, have they? Flux: Hardlight is a small fish in a big pond. GM: Well, maybe not small. He’s still a significant business owner, he’s just not a shark. Hero Shrew: He’s a medium-sized Groper. Why do we let him hang around a schoolgirl again? Hardlight: Hey, Flux isn’t a schoolgirl anymore! There have been two other similar thefts over the last few months, of gem shipments, where the security cameras were mysteriously shorted out before the break-in. Lightning powers, maybe? The fact that different distribution companies and recipients were involved in all cases adds to the puzzle. Flux’s attempt to identify the tiger from his stripes comes up against the problem that they were fighting at night, and Moreaus use fur dye. Hero Shrew: So you were fighting the tiger at night? What colour was it? ‘Black’ Hero Shrew DOES stumble across a possible clue, until he realises he’s being given the runaround. Still it might prove vital. GM: Geez, why do you have to do this to me? I was hoping you’d f**k it up, like you usually do. Meanwhile, Fireflash does what she can to locate any odd children-related purchases. Hardlight: She’s making a spreadsheet. Fireflash: It’s what I do - I’m GOOD at spreadsheets. Hero Shrew: So, who’s buying nappies with tailholes? Any Moreau infants at all would be quite unusual, given the birthrate in the community in the last 15 years - which is zero. Hardlight points out that since we interrupted their theft, there’s a good chance they’ll try again. Especially if there’s some urgent children-related reason for the theft. Hardlight: I have to add Undersconsin to the conspiracy diagram. But I don’t where to put the red strings. GM: THIS IS NOT AN UNDERSCONSIN PLOT. Flux: But if it WAS an Undersconsin plot, that’s just what you’d say. Hero Shrew: Undersconsin would have it’s own gems, anyway. GM: Well, duh - like the elusive yellow Cheese Emerald. Flux: Don’t forget to put Lupus in the corner of the diagram. GM: It’s never Lupus. The fact that both the burglars had superpowers, AND those powers were unrelated to their animal heritage, makes them quite unusual, too. Hardlight: Imagine it’s all floating holograms. GM: Hero Shrew works three jobs and he’s still only poor. But then he breaks a lot of stuff. Flux: Being a superhero just means you break more expensive stuff. GM: Scooter can’t just shake people down for info. For one thing it would given them concussion. Hero Shrew: And it would get reported on Fox News as Furry-on-Furry violence. We patrol! Or three of do anyway - Flux and Scooter airborne in the Qruiser. And Hardlight spots the wanted Moreaus, using a pair of big holographic pince-nez for telescopic vision. The two burglars are talking to a human woman that looks like she escaped from a Big Eyes Small Mouth sourcebook. She’s also quite heavily armed, with at least four firearms and a whip on her hip. And her motorbike is unregistered. Hero Shrew: What are the rules about Open Carry in California? Fireflash: Non-existent. Flux: So heavily armed and unregistered vehicle. Thats enough to arrest her for right there. Hardlight tries to remain invisible and inconspicuous, as he flies down to try and get within earshot, and fails at both, but fortunately the trio aren’t looking up. Mystery Irishwoman: It’s not my problem that you didn’t make the heist, you owe me for those gauntlets, and one way or the other you’re going to pay. Fireflash: Illegal arms trading - major felony. Let’s get her. They call Scooter first - missing this fight too would hurt his feelings, and his boss at the Collar Club is understanding about sudden calls from his other, OTHER job. Hardlight: Phonecalls are a free action. Google Mini: OK All players: LOL Flux: And the Google Mini steals the show again. Irish Arms-trader: You need to pull up your big boy pants, and get what you owe me. Moreaus: *actually keeping their voices low, instead of loudly giving away the conversation to anybody that might be eavesdropping* The Arms-trader gets onto her Heavy Metal motorbike, and prepares to leave with a roar of engine and flame. Fireflash intervenes. Fireflash: Good evening, lady and gentlemen - pleasure surrender, or we will be forced to render you unconscious. Irish Arms-trader: You FOOKING Gooberbrains - you let them follow you! Well hello there Fireflash, I’m Guilt-rider. These two are Lightning and Thunder, who you’ve already met, but I would like to know where your try-hard and poser friends are. Doesn’t matter - I brought my own back-up anyway. Meet IRON MAIDEN! The stealth field drops from around the enormous metal robot on the neighbouring roof. Hardlight: Oh dear. Is calling the Edge City PD for back-up a free action? Iron Maiden blasts the only-now-arriving Hero Shrew, and accidentally includes the invisible Hardlight, with a dazzling spotlight. GM: Scooter, you don’t get to see what happens next, because you’re dazzled. ‘Why can I hear tearing metal I haven’t started hitting anything yet!’ Guilt-rider roars off on her motorbike and a literal trail of fire - and uses her whip - an exceptionally ugly hooked and barbed weapon - on Scooter as she goes past. Guilt-rider: I’ve always wanted to use this on a Moreau. The Whip of Pain half-incapacitates Scooter with agony, so it’s lucky Thunder is still charging up his weapons and can’t immediately knock Scooter’s block off. Instead leaps several stories into the air instead - when he comes back down he’ll pick up a lot of kinetic energy. Scooter lunges blindly after the criminal on the bike, but misses. Flux: I could the drop the Qruiser on them, but… GM: You’ve only just finished refurbishing it Hardlight manages to catch Guilt-rider and her self-guided flaming motorbike Growler in a spherical cage. Hardlight: WHEEL OF DEATH! Growler rears up instead, and smashes its way out of the cage. Hardlight: Well, f**k. GM: To be fair, if it couldn't break out it would have just gone around and around the Wheel of Death for fun. Iron Maiden is doing stuff too, which half of us can’t see since we’re still dazzled. Whatever it is it’s unlikely to be helpful for us. And then Guilt-rider shoots Scooter with one of her shotguns. It hurts, because it somehow blasted Scooter across the street and into a building. Lightning, the electric tiger, does the smart thing. Lightning: Thunder! Get up! We’re leaving! Thunder: We are? Fireflash: Not right now. *blinds Thunder with her own flash attack, and Lightning’s nightvision makes them just as vulnerable* They still manage to run off into the dark alleyways. Flux tests the theory that many power-armoured supers are vulnerable to electricity, by trying to locate and fry Iron Maiden. Myth busted. GM: There’s a string of what you presume is Gaelic swearing when Guilt-rider realises Thunder and Lightning are bugging out. Guilt-rider: I wanted to play with the poser, but then those two decide to bug out. So - later! She, the motorbike, and Iron Maiden all turn invisible. At least that means the GM gets to bring them back as recurring villains. GM: You’re now met your evil opposites - they call themselves Sector. Hero Shrew Oo? Of COURSE they do. So, we have nemesisesess now? GM: Nah, just evil opposites. For some superteams, the evil opposites are just ‘those guys we beat up on a regular basis’. What have we learned, after this encounter? That there’s yet another supplier of supertech weapons hanging around Edge City. And she has some kind of flying mecha named Iron Maiden as extra muscle. Hero Shrew: What, another one? There must be at least three supervillains that call themselves that. Her autonomous motorbike is a pain in the arse too. But at least we know she’s the one that wants the gems, as payment for whatever she’s built for Thunder and Lightning, the bear and tiger Moreaus. Hardlight: Maybe I should put out an ad looking for bears and tigers. Hero Shrew: …. Well, you might plenty of responses for the first bit. But not the kind of bears you’re looking for, I reckon. Guilt-rider did drop her enhanced shotgun after Fireflash half-stunned her. GM: You’ve all had enough police training to assess evidence now. Hero Shrew: Well, I think it’s some kind of gun. Flux: Thunder and Lightning must have gone to ground. Hero Shrew: Just call them Donner and Blitzen. Hardlight: But they aren’t deer. Hero Shrew: Yeah? What’s Donner und Blitzen in English? Fireflash: Thunder and Lightning. Anyway, I need to talk to my police contacts. Hero Shrew: And I’d better ask around the Moreau community to see if anybody has seen a bear and a tiger. They may be disguised as reindeer. GM: What???? … this is what happens when things get filtered through Scooter’s brain. Or the mass of mealworms that passes for it. Apparently Guilt-rider labelled her air-blasting shotgun a ‘Windchester’. Hero Shrew: That’s just painful. Even to me. It also seems to be powered by gemstones, which Flux find extremely interesting, and provokes a stream of arcanobabble from him. No wonder Guilt-rider called Flux ‘the poser’. Hero Shrew: What did she call me? Fireflash: I don’t want to repeat it. GM: Uncle Tom. Fireflash OoC: That was Thunder and Lightning. GM: So it was - Guilt-rider called you ‘Token’ Fireflash: But she didn’t call me anything. GM: She probably hasn’t decided what she doesn’t like about you yet. Anyway, Flux excitedly adds the same enhancements to a triple-barrel shotgun he found in the team’s adopted lab. Concerns about recoil seep into his mind, eventually. Flux: …. Maybe we should test this outside. The emeralds are also enchanted to act as their own battery meter. Hero Shrew: Are they supposed to be glowing like that? *backs away to a safe distance* Flux: So these weapons are crystal powered. Like you are, Hardlight. Hero Shrew: I’m mealworm-powered. Flux: We know, we can smell you. GM: Imagine what Guilt-rider could do with one of the famous gems. The Hope Diamond would be a gigantic curse battery, for one thing. Hero Shrew Oo? The important question is ‘What could she do with an Undersconsin Cheese Emerald?’ GM: Keep that up and I’ll put together an Undersconsin just to inflict on you. Hardlight Oo? We’re kinda hoping for that, actually. GM: NO. Hero Shrew eventually realises how odd it is that NOBODY wants to talk to about Thunder and Lightning. Usually somebody will want to gossip, at least. He goes to complain about this to a con artist fox he knows. Nick: You’re not exactly known for being about to keep things under your hat, Scoots. Hero Shrew: ….I don’t even have a hat. Nick: And that right there is part of the problem, Scoots - idiom, Scoots, idiom. Nick: You’ve got a good job there, and nobody wants to make you have to choose. Give it a few weeks and it’ll all be out of our hands. Why are you even asking around anyway? Hero Shrew: They seem to be getting sucked in pretty deep with this Guilt-rider woman, and she’s not very nice. She said she wanted to use that electric barbwire whip on a Moreau, and it hurt. Nick: Hmm. Why are they hanging with her anyway? Hero Shrew: Apparently she’s making superweapons for them, and they need to pay her back? Nick: What do they need weapons for, they’re Steiners? Hero Shrew: *Internal Thinks* Well, isn’t that interesting - the only other people I’ve heard mention Steiners were those Genesys dog-soldiers. Hero Shrew: Oh, you’ve heard of Steiners? Apparently I’m one. Where’d you hear the name? Nick: *professional vulpine liar* Uh, somewhere around the place, it’s not important. Why’d they even get mixed up with this human anyway, do you know? Hero Shrew: Apparently they’re doing it for the children. Nick: *visibly starts, and looks around nervously* Hero Shrew: Which even I thought was weird, since Moreaus don’t have any. Nick: ….God DAMN those idiots… I can’t tell you anything, Scoots, I’m a face. If they find out I talked to you about this it’d ruin my rep. Stop poking around about this, or they really will think you’re an Uncle Tom. Scooter heads off to report this interesting conversation to the rest of Quadrant. Hero Shrew: They don’t trust me to keep my mouth shut about stuff. Fireflash: That I comprehend. Flux: We feel their pain. Hero Shrew: Apparently it’s all going to be over one way or the other in a few months, so if we can wait until then they’ll probably tell me everything. Fireflash: Yeah, no. Flux: So, the Moreaus are being cagey… sorry, bad choice of words. Flux: Well, nobody will care much if the Moreaus DO start having children. GM: HAHAHAHAHA Hero Shrew: The first reaction that occurs to me is Humanity First having a collective fit, because ‘the Moreaus are BREEDING now’. We go on patrol - Hero Shrew and Flux in the Qruiser, and Hardlight and Fireflash flying overhead. Fireflash: The rational and the irrational. Hardlight and Fireflash promptly spot Thunder and Lightning stopping a goods vehicle - by stepping in front of it and letting Thunder absorb all the kinetic energy of the impact. Hardlight calls for back-up, while Lightning is blasting the doors off the back of the vehicle. Fireflash just flies down and blasts him in the back. Lightning is punched into the back of the truck, hard - and Fireflash notices that this truck has refrigerated cargo space, instead of gem crates. Hardlight grabs the dazed Lightning in a big glowing holographic fist, and flies off at speed. Lightning recovers, shorts out Hardlight’s holographic flying surfboard, and discovers that Hardlight’s big glowing holographic fist runs off a different circuit. Both plummet screaming out of the sky. Back on the ground, Fireflash pulls out the big guns herself - a point-blank fusion blast, specially for Thunder. Things progress, with Hardlight managing to salvage the situation and somehow coming out on top. And all this before Flux and Hero Shrew can even arrive - not that it’ll help Scooter’s reputation with his community, though. Still, at least Hardlight can be happy. Hardlight: Yay! My plan actually worked! GM: This is when the alternative-Earth imposter staggers out and says ‘He’s an imposter! He came up with a plan that actually worked!’