I'm Still Shocked

[sinanju]

I was surfing Facebook yesterday evening when I came across a post by an acquaintance with a photo of a couple I know and the message "RIP to both of you." And then another post by another acquaintance lamenting that they couldn't believe they were gone.

 

At first I thought it was some kind of dark humor.

 

Because so many mutual friends also post to Facebook and would see anything I posted, I'm putting this here to avoid any of them seeing it.

 

It was not humor, dark or otherwise. One of the rapidly multiplying posts about this tragedy had a link to the sheriff's department website in the county where they lived. It reported that sheriff's deputies did a welfare check after the couple were reported as not showing up for work at either of their workplaces for a couple of days, which was not like them. They were found dead, and had been for some time. Even then I wasn't entirely convinced. I thought maybe someone had hacked or photoshopped a page from that website with fake news. So I independently tracked down that website--and found the same page. It was true.

 

They were very active in the local "lifestyle" community, which is how I knew them. They hosted a monthly meet n' greet and a monthly dance, and frequently attended events put on by other groups. They traveled a lot, and were always posting to Facebook when they tried any one of an endless number of restaurants wherever they went. Everybody knew them. I last saw them about a month ago when a group of us went out to a club together.

 

And now they're gone. Nobody had any idea why, or what happened. Was it murder? Was it murder-suicide? A double suicide? Did some kind of fight flare up and end in lethal violence, remorse, and suicide? Were they facing some kind of ruin (legal or economic or medical) that they couldn't face? I spent much of last night and today spinning out possible scenarios. I couldn't help it, it was just so unexpected that I had to try to make sense of it despite the lack of information. The police did an autopsy today. An update to the news stories I've been able to find indicates that they each died of a single gunshot wound. The police say there are no suspects. It's *possible* that they do have a suspect or suspects and are keeping it quiet, but probably not. So...again: murder-suicide? Double suicide? And if so, why? What happened? What drove him or her or them to do this? No doubt many of their friends will have trouble believing this was a suicide, if indeed that's what it was. I won't.

 

A friend of mine (and the lifelong friend of a much closer friend of mine) committed suicide twenty years ago. It was a complete shock to all of us. Nobody had any idea anything was wrong, or that he was so unhappy. And that's often the way of it. So if they felt driven to this while presenting an outwardly happy face to the world, I won't be surprised. Saddened, yes, and I'll wonder what those final hours were like. And I'll miss them.

[wcw43921]

I'm sorry to hear this.  That should not have happened.  My Condolences to you, and to the couple's families and friends.

[Badger]

Yikes, bad news.  Does make me realize if not for my parents and my job, no one would notice me gone till the smell was a public menace.  Mixed feelings on that. (note: well some older relatives might take notice, but I just realized I really don't have many relationships with the younger relatives, at least regularly)

 

Looks like whether a gun being present or not would be a big clue to the murder or suicide route.  But, I guess they wouldn't want to reveal too much during investigation.