Thrakazog

Re: A Thread for Random Musings
 
My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. There was only one little thing bothering me. It was her beautiful younger sister.
 
My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight miniskirts, and generally was braless. She would regularly bend down when she was near me, and I always got more than a pleasant view. She never did it when she was near anyone else.
 
One day "little" sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome. She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister.
 
Well, I was in total shock, and couldn't say a word. She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want one last wild fling, just come up and get me."
 
I was stunned- frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. She pulled off her panties and threw them down the stairs at me. I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline straight to The front door. I opened the door, and headed straight towards my car. Lo and behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all clapping!
 
With tears in his eyes, my future father-in-law hugged me and said, "We are very happy that you have passed our little test.....we couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family."
 
And the moral of this story is:
 
Always keep your condoms in your car.

Re: A Thread for Random Musings
 
My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. There was only one little thing bothering me. It was her beautiful younger sister.
 
My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight miniskirts, and generally was braless. She would regularly bend down when she was near me, and I always got more than a pleasant view. She never did it when she was near anyone else.
 
One day "little" sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome. She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister.
 
Well, I was in total shock, and couldn't say a word. She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want one last wild fling, just come up and get me."
 
I was stunned- frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. She pulled off her panties and threw them down the stairs at me. I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline straight to The front door. I opened the door, and headed straight towards my car. Lo and behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all clapping!
 
With tears in his eyes, my future father-in-law hugged me and said, "We are very happy that you have passed our little test.....we couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family."
 
And the moral of this story is:
 
Always keep your condoms in your car.

Re: A Thread for Random Musings
 
My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. There was only one little thing bothering me. It was her beautiful younger sister.
 
My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight miniskirts, and generally was braless. She would regularly bend down when she was near me, and I always got more than a pleasant view. She never did it when she was near anyone else.
 
One day "little" sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome. She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister.
 
Well, I was in total shock, and couldn't say a word. She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want one last wild fling, just come up and get me."
 
I was stunned- frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. She pulled off her panties and threw them down the stairs at me. I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline straight to The front door. I opened the door, and headed straight towards my car. Lo and behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all clapping!
 
With tears in his eyes, my future father-in-law hugged me and said, "We are very happy that you have passed our little test.....we couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family."
 
And the moral of this story is:
 
Always keep your condoms in your car.

Re: A Thread for Random Musings
 
My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. There was only one little thing bothering me. It was her beautiful younger sister.
 
My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight miniskirts, and generally was braless. She would regularly bend down when she was near me, and I always got more than a pleasant view. She never did it when she was near anyone else.
 
One day "little" sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome. She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister.
 
Well, I was in total shock, and couldn't say a word. She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want one last wild fling, just come up and get me."
 
I was stunned- frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. She pulled off her panties and threw them down the stairs at me. I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline straight to The front door. I opened the door, and headed straight towards my car. Lo and behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all clapping!
 
With tears in his eyes, my future father-in-law hugged me and said, "We are very happy that you have passed our little test.....we couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family."
 
And the moral of this story is:
 
Always keep your condoms in your car.

Re: A Thread for Random Musings
 
Ooh yeah, I
Just wanna watch the girls, goin' by...
It's like poetry in motion
against a hot summer sky.
I'm in love, yeah yeah...
at least every minute or two...
until the next time a girl walks by
I think I love her too
 
Oh I, I can't help myself
but I just loose my head
everytime you see 'em walkin' by...
 
Summertime Girls
You make my whole world go around
Summertime Girls
When you lift me up
I never come down, no, no...
 
She's hot!
I dig her wiggle and all that shake
I can read that body language, yeah
a million miles away
Sometimes I, yeah come on just a bit, a bit too strong
But I just like to pretend, yes.
that I can have 'em all.
 
No time, time to catch my breath
so easily impressed
it doesn't matter if it's day or night
 
Summertime Girls
You make my whole world go around
Summertime Girls
But when you lift me up
I never come down, no, no...
 
Come here girls...
 
Summertime Girls
You make my whole world go around
Summertime Girls
When you lift me up
I never come down, no, no...
 
Summertime Girls
Oh baby..You make my whole world go around
Summertime Girls
The way you lift me up
I never come down, no, no...
 
Summertime Girls
Summertime Girls
Summertime Girls
You make my whole world go around
Summertime Girls
 
 
 
Hello? Enforcer84? 1985 Just called, they want their music back!

Re: Musings on Random Musings
 

It has been suggested that the NGD boards have been clogged with multiple annoying threads, all linking to other, usually funny websites. It was also suggested that they be given a single thread where they may be posted, commented upon, etc., similar to the random musings thread.
 
Given that I tend to link to other sites quite a bit, and not wanting to be considered annoying, the Thread For Random Links is born. While it may be confusing at times with mixed comments and multiple links, at least it will be less annoying to others and hopefully contributory towards the new character of the NGD board.
 
I'll open this thread with the funny baby.

Re: Musings on Random Musings
 

This thread is going to get very confusing once it gets past a few pages, but what the heck, I'm in:
 
Hello Chthulhu
 

 
Hey, I have to suffer, you have to suffer.

Re: A Thread for Random Musings
 
We need more threads regarding the recent changes on the boards here. Seriously. And we need more whining. There's just not enough whining from any side of this. And I'd appreciate it if the mods oiled themselves down before flexing and posing. The muscles stand out better in the light when you flex them.

It has been suggested that the NGD boards have been clogged with multiple annoying threads, all linking to other, usually funny websites. It was also suggested that they be given a single thread where they may be posted, commented upon, etc., similar to the random musings thread.
 
Given that I tend to link to other sites quite a bit, and not wanting to be considered annoying, the Thread For Random Links is born. While it may be confusing at times with mixed comments and multiple links, at least it will be less annoying to others and hopefully contributory towards the new character of the NGD board.
 
I'll open this thread with the funny baby.

Re: A Thread for Random Musings
 
/whimpering on
I don't want to start a crying thread. So...
 
Today, I signed a lease for an apartment today and I move in on the 6th of May. And then, for all intents and purposes my marriage will be over. I will most likely not see my wife or my dog again. I was a homeowner for all of 5 months. The person who has been my constant companion for the last 15 years no longer wants that responsibility and I will be alone.
I gotta say that I've felt like a failure alot in the last few years. I never finished college, I'm not working in the field I'd most like to, and I certainly am no financial success. Getting a house was the first step towards that. But now that's gone and the marriage is over. I'm feeling pretty low, and that's not even counting the dejection. I already miss my wife; she made this decision before I even knew there were issues. Then we talked it out for a few months and the last three or four months have been us coming to grips and me starting to look out places to live. So today, I have found a place and it's all starting for "Real". I dunno. I feel empty, but a little excited, I've never lived on my own. I'm leaving all the furniture and everything there. I plan on buying all my own stuff. Sure 55% of my income is gone, but it looks like my expenses are being cut in half too. We'll see how things fare.
 
Anyway, in a blatant attempt for sympathy, I lay my broken heart at your feet.
 
I'll probbably be away in the evenings until I get my internet going. (yay! Another connection fee!)

Re: Musings on Random Musings
 
No, no, no...no celebrating people's deaths. Ist verboten.

Re: A Thread for Random Musings
 
Not truely related to Lemming's post above. Just got it in the mail the same day as his post.
 
How to give a pill to a cat and a dog
 
CAT:
 
1) Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As the cat opens mouth pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.
 
2) Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.
 
3) Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.
 
4) Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.
 
5) Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.
 
6) Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and vigorously rub cat's throat.
 
7) Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make a note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.
 
8) Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.
 
9) Check label to make sure pill is not harmful to humans, drink 1 beer to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.
 
10) Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.
 
11) Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of your last tetanus jab. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw tee-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.
 
12) Ring fire brigade to retrieve the friggin' cat from tree across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.
 
13) Tie the little @#!*#^~!'s front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining room table, find heavy duty Pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down.
 
14) Consume remainder of Scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.
 
15) Arrange for SPCA to collect mutant cat from hell and ring local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.
 
DOG: Wrap pill in bacon, cheese or peanut butter. Make him beg.

Re: Longest Running Thread EVER
 

 
Gay marriage is bad.
My uncle lives in a gay marriage.
It is 8 feet by 10 feet and he has to read the same boring magazines all the time.
The End.

Re: Musings on Random Musings
 

Re: A Thread for Random Musings
 
To those searching for jobs, who need these words and especially to Lemming, Lemming's wife and RebeccaRed50. The lyrics are written by Simon Kirke/Paul Kossoff (of Free) and the song appeared on the album Kossoff Kirke Tetsu Rabbit. The song is called Hold On.
 

Re: A Thread for Random Musings
 
Math is hard!

Re: Musings on Random Musings
 

 
lol

Re: Musings on Random Musings
 

 
Oh. please.
 
Dude, you couldn't spell "cat" if I spotted you the "c". Pardon my shoggoth.

Re: Musings on Random Musings
 

Take advantage of the USPS free boxes. You can order a set from them.

Re: Musings on Random Musings
 
Wow, this went even more wrong that I imagined!

Re: Musings on Random Musings
 

Re: Musings on Random Musings
 

 
All you need to say is "Yes, master," followed by "I'm ready for you".

Re: A Thread for Random Musings
 
I hated going to weddings. All the grandmas would poke me saying "You're next". They stopped that when I started doing it to them at funerals.