Houston GM

Quotes from Owlcon #3
 
D&D 5th Edition
Blagarm's Basement
 
150 years ago a clan of dwarves sailed to the continent of Avenrock. 120 years ago, one of the dwarves returned, carrying a dagger capable of cutting through anything. 50 years ago, humans established the colony of Rioc Alair on Avenrock. Today, the adventurers have been hired to travel to Avenrock and find out what happened to the lost clan of dwarves.
 
The trail may be a little cold.
 
Cast of characters:
Brelk: dwarven paladin, a noble
Mari: dwarven fighter
Alek: human wizard
Mikara: wood elf ranger, surprisingly crude and uncultured
Gallidan: wood elf monk
Lisara: half elf bard
Alverten: halfling rogue
Hemrick (NPC): dwarven merchant
 
Of course, the adventure starts in a tavern.
 
Lisara: (picking up her lute) "I play better when I'm drunk."
Alek: "You think you play better when you're drunk. There's a difference. It may be subtle. It may be lost on you, but there is a difference."
 
A group of dwarven merchants at the bar is having a loud debate ... which is easily overheard.
 
dwarven merchant: "We need to find someone capable enough or foolhardy enough to undertake this task."
Alek: (a couple minutes later, to Hemrick, the youngest of the dwarven merchants) "What kind of capabilities do you seek?"
Hemrick: "What?"
Alek: "You're looking for someone capable enough or foolhardy enough to undertake a task. Hopefully we fit the former description more than the latter."
Hemrick: "Just a minute." (he walks back over to his companions at the bar) "Some of you need to learn how to lower your voices."
 
As Hemrick is talking, Mikara stretches, clearly displaying her bushy underarms.
 
GM: Hemrick is starting to get a little turned on by that.
Mikara: Not the reaction I was going for.
 
Mari: (to Hemrick) "Why didn't you send anyone to look for them before now?"
Hemrick: "We've been sending parties of adventurers for the last 40 years. We haven't heard back from any of them."
Allverten: "At least your expectations will be at the right level."
 
As the party's ship arrives at Avenrock, the first visible landmark is the 500' tall lighthouse adjacent to Rioc Alair.
 
Gallidan: "I need to see what I can perceive about the lighthouse."
Lisara: "Someone was compensating for something."
 
Brelk was impressed by the honesty of the first gate guard he met.
 
Brelk: "I never thought I'd meet a human who wouldn't take a bribe. I find it rather refreshing."
Alek: "You may not have. Perhaps you met one who wouldn't take a bribe that small."
 
Discussing ale kegs...
 
Allverten: "I'm surprised dwarves would use kegs like that. Wood is rather impermanent."
Brelk: "We use special wood. It's made of stone."
 
Mikara "borrowed" a dinghy from the port, in order to scout the coastline.
 
GM: As you took the dingy, nobody gave you a second look.
Mikara: They don't know it's not mine.
GM: You're an elf. They can guess.
Mikara: (grumpily) I'm being racially profiled.
 
Lisara woke up to discover a thief breaking into her room, so she cast Charm Person on him.
 
Lisara: And this is why I always sleep in the nude.
GM: The spell lasts one hour.
Lisara: That gives me plenty of time to ask all of my questions and leave him tied up.
GM: As soon as you try to tie him up, the spell will end.
Lisara: Not the way I do it.
 
The trail eventually (and unsurprisingly) led to Blagarm's basement, where the climactic battle occurred.
 
Brelk was struck by a couple crossbow bolts.
 
Lisara: "I see you know how to be penetrated."
 
Mikara took aim at the assassin with her longbow, even though Gallidan and Mari were directly on the other side.
 
Alek: "If you shoot from there, you'll be using the dwarf and monk as a backstop."
Brelk: "That's what I'm there for."
Alek: "It's the other dwarf."
Brelk: "I know. I'm volunteering her."
 
 
Needing no additional context:
 
Brelk: "Being noble is the ultimate skill for opening doors. Being a paladin is the ultimate power for establishing credibility."
 
GM: I regularly GM for 11 people aged 9 to 37. This can't possibly get as chaotic.
Lisara: So, what you're telling us is that we're not trying hard enough.

Quotes from Owlcon #4
 
Savage Worlds - Fallout Metroplex
Presidential Detail
 
Normally I tolerate the GM's backstory. Other times I suffer through it. On very rare occasions, I enjoy hearing about it.
 
This is the first time the backstory has been funny enough to share.
 
When the nuclear war began, the Chinese launched three nuclear warheads at the Dallas region:
A 20 megaton nuke at Dallas to destroy the city and its inhabitants.
A neutron bomb at Fort Worth to kill the population and the cattle.
A bunker-buster at the super-conducting super-collider in Waco.
 
That was what they intended to fire. There was a mix-up with the serial numbers on the nuclear warheads, so they ended up launching:
An EMP burst at Dallas, which knocked out the technology, but left the population intact.
A bunker-buster at Fort Worth, which shook up the cows a little bit, but had no other effect.
A neutron bomb at Waco, which killed the population, but left the super-collider intact.
 
The President of the tri-state region is going to visit Dallas tomorrow. The Texas Rangers will be out in force to protect him, and the President has complete confidence in them. But the Texas Rangers have started hearing unsubstantiated rumors that someone is going to assassinate the president ... because that's what you do to presidents in Dallas.
 
The Texas Rangers can't investigate, because an official investigation would lend credibility to the rumors. But they can hire someone unofficial to investigate the rumors ... because unofficial people are just crackpots with weird theories.
 
The cast of characters:
J: the bloodthirsty heavy weapons expert; carries a full-automatic
Jimmy: the overweight, balding techie; relies heavily on "liquid courage"
Hector: the spy; a cross between "the most interesting man in the world" and "the truth is out there"
Rodger: the brawn; believes robots are trying to take over everything
 
Jimmy decides to ingratiate himself with one of the local techies ... by repairing a broken logic board for him.
 
techie: "That's great! I can sell this now! Is there anything I can do to help you?"
Jimmy: "Yes. Actually there is something you can help me with."
techie: (dejected) "Oh."
 
Little Tokyo seems to be the haven for the weirdos in town. It caters to the tech crowd ... but not the big, bulky, beautiful, chrome-and-steel American tech. This is small, sleek, weird, "Japanese" tech. It also has a lunch counter specializing in "foreign" food.
 
Just down the counter, five people crowd around a small "Japanese" tech box. J and Rodger are able to overhear part of their conversation.
 
Little Tokyo Patron #1: "... and next we kill the president ..."
Rodger bursts into action, tackling Little Tokyo Patron #1. J turns on his Pipboy's audio recorder, then pulls his automatic and covers the four friends. As everyone stares at those two, Hector slides over the counter to "get away from the violence". Staying out of sight, he reaches over the counter, slips the box out of Patron #2's hands and replaces it with a menu.
Rodger: (ready to pummel Patron #1) "How are you going to kill the President?"
Little Tokyo Patron #1: "I put the nuclear bomb in the briefcase."
Hector glances at the box and sees a the "Kill the President" computer game. The game is at the point where the nuclear bomb can be put in the briefcase.
Hector: (to himself as he tucks the tech box into his coat) "Well, it sounded like a confession to me."
As J starts shooting Patron #1's four friends, Hector grabs his binto box and strolls out of Little Tokyo.
 
The people in the tech area of Little Tokyo seem completely unconcerned with the violence occurring at the lunch counter. Jimmy is over there, making friends with Kenny, a teenaged techie who is showing him the energy cell charger that he built.
 
Jimmy: "Be careful. That will blow your face off."
Kenny: "I know. That's how I got thrown out of my last apartment."
 
Later, the team takes a walk (through wide open places) in order to talk privately.
 
J: "We did it. We stopped the assassins. We killed four of them."
Rodger: "And the fifth is in jail."
Hector: "Did you find the nuclear bomb?"
J and Rodger: "No."
Hector: "Then we're not done yet. There also may be a second group of assassins."
Rodger: "What makes you think there's a second group?"
Hector: (shows them the tech box) "It looks like those five may have been playing a game."
Rodger: "Are you saying that we killed a bunch of innocent people?"
Hector: "That's certainly possible."
J: "We got a confession. I recorded it."
Hector: "Yes, which is why I'm not worried about it."
Jimmy: (freaking out) "The one in jail, he's going to tell the Rangers that it was just a game."
Hector: "He's going to have a hard time proving it without this box."
 
It appears that The Church of 565 Kilocycles doesn't like the President. Someone in City Hall doesn't like him either.
 
The Church of 565 Kilocycles keep their radios tuned to 565 kHz. Acolytes perpetually meditate while listening for the voice of God through the static.
 
Hector: (to Jimmy) "Could you build a transmitter that broadcasts on 565 kilocycles?"
Jimmy: "Yes. Why?"
Hector: "I want to send them a 'message from God.' Tell them to go out into the wasteland and wait for the sign. That should narrow down the number of people we need to watch tomorrow."
Jimmy: "I'll need to visit the church to figure out how to do it convincingly. Do you want to come with me?"
Hector: "No. I want to snoop around City Hall before it closes."
Jimmy: (looking over at Rodger and J, and cringing slightly) "Um ... ah ... I'll take Rodger with me."
Hector: (completely undisturbed) "Perfect. I'll take J with me."
 
As Jimmy subtly pumps the Priest on how God reveals himself through the static, Rodger begins to have a dawning realization.
 
Rodger: (interrupting) "Wait, are you telling me that God is a robot?"
Priest of 565 kHz: (rolling his eyes to the heavens) "Fine. If that's what it takes to reach you. Yes. Sure. God is a robot."
Rodger is stunned by this revelation. As the Priest and Jimmy continue their conversation, he looks at the bible at the front of the church. On the cover it says, "The New Revised Lolcat Bible." Inside he finds a reference to the robot Roomba.
Rodger: "I knew it! God is a robot."
Thanks to the helpful priest, Jimmy learns enough (maybe) to fabricate a convincing transmission.
Rodger: (to Jimmy, after they leave the church) "If God's a robot, then me and him aren't on the same side."
 
Meanwhile, on the way to City Hall...
 
Hector: (to J) "I need you to wait inside the lobby. While you're standing there, I need you to try to peer in the back and glare, then check your Pipboy, then peer in the back and glare. Keep that up until I send a message to your Pipboy, or until they close City Hall."
J: "Why do you want me to do that?"
Hector: "If there is an assassin in City Hall, they're going to be worried about you. I'm going to slip into the back and see who reacts to their presence."
 
With J aggressively stationed in the lobby, Hector slips into the back and takes a seat at an unoccupied terminal.
 
Hector: (typing in the City Hall chat room) "Isn't the guy in the lobby the one who killed the assassins? What is he doing here?"
 
Following the clues, it appears that the mayor is involved in the assassination plot. It also appears that he's tied in with The Church of 565 Kilocycles. Fortunately, the ruse to get the Church out of town appears to be working. Most pack up and leave Dallas around midnight. The few remaining appear to be having a crisis of faith.
 
Hector: "I think the church members are patsies. I can't be the only person who figured out how easy it would be to manipulate them."
 
But there may be more of the plot to uncover. And how much should the Texas Rangers be told?
 
Hector: "... and we should tell them that The Church of 565 Kilocycles may be involved, but we've tricked most of them into leaving town."
Jimmy: "Do you really want to tell them that? One of the Texas Rangers may be tied in with the assassins."
Hector: "True, but there's not much they can do about that. What are they going to do? Broadcast that the previous voice of God was lying?"
 
There appears to be a sniper's nest in the library. Rodger will hide near the sniper's nest, ready to attack the sniper (or patsy) when he shows up. J will wait in the park across the street to watch for other gunmen.
 
GM: (to J) You can keep a watch for gunmen from there (gives a knowing look at J), because you know what a crazed gunman looks like.
 
There's also a Texas Ranger standing in the park near J.
 
GM: (to J) Do you want to point out the library window to the Ranger? Every bullet going in the window is a good thing.
Rodger: Not for me!

Quotes from Owlcon #5
 
Adventure! (Pulp Fiction)
The Deadly Danger of Dinosaur Island
 
Where did a Hollywood producer get a dinosaur? Why did someone try to kill him for the secret? It's up to the Aeon Society to uncover the truth and set things right.
 
Cast of characters:
"Cactus" Carolina Vasquez: cowgirl and trick shooter
Lavonne White, "The Silent Spectre": female homage to The Shadow
The "Unbreakable" Dr. Samuel Glass: Doc Savage homage with a mechanical hand
Kent Woolsley, star of the silver screen: action star and ladies' man
Cicero de Valentine (NPC): legendary Hollywood producer
 
Cicero de Valentine is hosting one of his legendary parties. He gets the crowd's attention, and unveils a large dinosaur (an Allosaur) in a cage.
 
Cicero de Valentine: "We are going to make this magnificent beast into a movie star."
Carolina Vasquez: "Does he memorize his lines or use cue cards?"
 
The dinosaur bursts out of the cage.
 
Carolina Vasquez: (excited) "I ain't never seen a critter like this before, and I shore ain't never ridden one!"
 
As Carolina and Dr. Glass engage the dinosaur, The Silent Spectre dives under a tablecloth in order to change into her costume.
 
Silent Spectre: I quietly curse the need for a secret identity.
 
The dinosaur looks confused.
 
Carolina Vasquez: (to the dinosaur) "Honey, It's only goin' to get weirder from here."
 
Dr. Glass' exploding fire extinguisher impairs the dinosaur, but fails to freeze it in place.
 
Dr. Samuel Glass: "Obviously I need a bigger bomb ... or a bigger stick."
 
Carolina lassoed the dinosaur's muzzle.
 
GM: Your plan goes awry when the dinosaur lifts his head, leaving you swinging from the end of the rope.
Carolina Vasquez (ooc): Actually, that's still well within my plan.
 
The trio gets the dinosaur back into his cage, but the perceptive Dr. Glass notices flashes coming from Valentine's office during the chaos ... and a man in a black leather trench coat and hat fleeing the scene.
 
Kent Woolsley: (arriving late to the party) "I seem to have missed the party. What happened?"
Dr. Samuel Glass: "Sabotage, murder, an escaped villain ..."
Kent Woolsley: "So it's Tuesday?"
 
Kent and Dr. Glass enter Valentine's office, and find Valentine slumped against the wall, bleeding out from multiple bullet wounds.
 
Kent Woolsley: "Valentine, old chap, this is not a good look on you."
 
The German villain failed to get what he was after, a scrap of paper with the coordinates to Dinosaur Island on it.
 
The Aeon Society members hire a seaplane to take them out to the coordinates on the paper. To no-one's surprise, they find an uncharted tropical island at the coordinates. Minutes after making this discovery, the plane is riddled by bullets. The plane is being chased by members of the German Expeditionary Force, who are riding enormous pterodactyls and firing machine guns.
 
Carolina Vasquez: (eyes lighting up) "I want to ride one of those!"
 
One engine is struck by bullets and bursts into flame.
 
Pilot: "This flight is about to get rough!"
The Silent Spectre: "Take this plane down and land it."
Pilot: "Land it where?"
The Silent Spectre: "See the big blue parking lot below us?"
 
While The Silent Spectre, Carolina and Dr. Glass take their toll on the pursuing Germans, Kent gathers the packs and parachutes in preparation for a rapid evacuation.
 
Kent Woolsley: (handing a parachute to the pilot) "Here you go."
Pilot: (pulling the parachute on) "Thanks!" (bails out of the plane, leaving the Aeon Society members behind)
 
Kent Woolsley raids the wet bar, bails out of the plane, and lands on the last pterodactyl, right behind the German soldier. Immediately afterwards, Carolina lands on the pterodactyl right in front of Kent, kicking the German off in the process.
 
Carolina Vasquez: "Kent, you saved me a seat."
Kent Woolsley: (handing her a beer bottle) "And a drink."
 
Carolina guides the pterodactyl to a landing on the beach.
 
Carolina Vasquez: (shooting the pterodactyl in the back of the head) "Whoa."
 
There is a German Expeditionary Force camp on the island, complete with an electrified fence, guard towers, barracks, docks, submarine and a dinosaur stable.
 
Dr. Samuel Glass: (looking through binoculars) "I don't see where the leader's office is."
Carolina Vasquez: "They're German. Doesn't the Commandant's office always have flowers outside?"
 
The plan is simple:
Dr. Glass and Kent will dress up in German uniforms.
They will bluff their way into the camp.
Kent will steal documents from the Commandant's office.
Dr. Glass will sabotage the generator.
Carolina and Silent Spectre will stampede a herd of dinosaurs into the camp.
The team will escape by submarine.
 
Step two could cause some problems. Dr. Glass speaks German, but he's not particularly good at subterfuge.
 
Dr. Samuel Glass: "Do you know any German, Kent?"
Kent Woolsley: "I know a few lines of German. I learned them phonetically for a movie role. I'll be fine."
 
Dr. Glass and Kent, looking battered and bloody, approach the camp gate.
 
Dr. Samuel Glass: (yelling to the soldiers at the gate) "A plane crashed. We were attacked by the survivors. We are all that are left."
The German soldiers stare suspiciously at Dr. Glass.
Kent Woolsley: (emphatically) "Jah. It vas terrible. It vas terrible. Herr Doktor! Where is Herr Doktor?"
German soldiers: (nodding) "Jah, jah. Herr Doktor."
The pair are led to the doctor's office for treatment.
 
The two are left alone with the doctor. Then Kent knocks the doctor out, and the two are alone. It's time for a costume change...
 
Dr. Samuel Glass: "I have a clipboard and a lab coat. I know how to play this role!"
 
The plan goes well. The generator explodes. Seconds later, the herd of dinosaurs stampedes into camp.
 
Dr. Samuel Glass: (excited) "How many times does a scientist get to cut loose and watch a social experiment unfold."
 
Dr. Glass wades into battle with a group of German soldiers.
 
Dr. Samuel Glass: "Sometimes you need to break a few heads for science."
Kent Woolsley: "I thought that was 'eggs'."
Dr. Samuel Glass: "Well ... they're called eggheads."
 
Dr. Samuel Glass: (grabbing a soldier's rifle and punching the soldier in the face) "This is what I call a 'weapon upgrade'."
 
While Dr. Glass confronts some soldiers, Kent squares off with the Commandant. But the Commandant has a surprise up his sleeve...
 
Commandant: "Americans. I should have known. You won't get away with this." (yells loudly) "Release the Ubersaur!"
A massive Tyrannosaur bursts from the dinosaur barn. It is covered in armor plates. It has an anti-tank gun mounted on its back. Five soldiers man the anti-tank gun, while a sixth guides the Ubersaur.
Kent Woolsley: "Ubersaur? Couldn't you come up with an original name? This could be a movie someday."
 
The Ubersaur's anti-tank gun fires, striking the dinosaur Carolina is riding and killing it instantly. Carolina slides off the dinosaur and shoots the soldier holding its reins. He slumps to the side, causing the Ubersaur to start turning around in circles.
The Silent Spectre: (looking around the camp) "I can't possibly add to this chaos. I'm going to secure our escape route." (she heads toward the submarine)
Carolina Vasquez: (cheerfully) "I can definitely add to this chaos."
As the Ubersaur turns so its back is towards Carolina, she fires a bullet at one of the anti-tank rounds in the ammo hopper, striking it in the primer.
GM: There is a massive explosion. The Ubersaur collapses, torn nearly in two. Pieces of metal rain down all over camp ... And the Germans have discovered a design flaw in their Ubersaur.
 
The Commandant twists his cane ... and pulls out a sword. Kent responds by pulling out his umbrella. They fence....
 
Kent: I stab him in the monocle with my umbrella.

Quotes from Owlcon #4
 
Savage Worlds - Fallout Metroplex
Presidential Detail
 
Normally I tolerate the GM's backstory. Other times I suffer through it. On very rare occasions, I enjoy hearing about it.
 
This is the first time the backstory has been funny enough to share.
 
When the nuclear war began, the Chinese launched three nuclear warheads at the Dallas region:
A 20 megaton nuke at Dallas to destroy the city and its inhabitants.
A neutron bomb at Fort Worth to kill the population and the cattle.
A bunker-buster at the super-conducting super-collider in Waco.
 
That was what they intended to fire. There was a mix-up with the serial numbers on the nuclear warheads, so they ended up launching:
An EMP burst at Dallas, which knocked out the technology, but left the population intact.
A bunker-buster at Fort Worth, which shook up the cows a little bit, but had no other effect.
A neutron bomb at Waco, which killed the population, but left the super-collider intact.
 
The President of the tri-state region is going to visit Dallas tomorrow. The Texas Rangers will be out in force to protect him, and the President has complete confidence in them. But the Texas Rangers have started hearing unsubstantiated rumors that someone is going to assassinate the president ... because that's what you do to presidents in Dallas.
 
The Texas Rangers can't investigate, because an official investigation would lend credibility to the rumors. But they can hire someone unofficial to investigate the rumors ... because unofficial people are just crackpots with weird theories.
 
The cast of characters:
J: the bloodthirsty heavy weapons expert; carries a full-automatic
Jimmy: the overweight, balding techie; relies heavily on "liquid courage"
Hector: the spy; a cross between "the most interesting man in the world" and "the truth is out there"
Rodger: the brawn; believes robots are trying to take over everything
 
Jimmy decides to ingratiate himself with one of the local techies ... by repairing a broken logic board for him.
 
techie: "That's great! I can sell this now! Is there anything I can do to help you?"
Jimmy: "Yes. Actually there is something you can help me with."
techie: (dejected) "Oh."
 
Little Tokyo seems to be the haven for the weirdos in town. It caters to the tech crowd ... but not the big, bulky, beautiful, chrome-and-steel American tech. This is small, sleek, weird, "Japanese" tech. It also has a lunch counter specializing in "foreign" food.
 
Just down the counter, five people crowd around a small "Japanese" tech box. J and Rodger are able to overhear part of their conversation.
 
Little Tokyo Patron #1: "... and next we kill the president ..."
Rodger bursts into action, tackling Little Tokyo Patron #1. J turns on his Pipboy's audio recorder, then pulls his automatic and covers the four friends. As everyone stares at those two, Hector slides over the counter to "get away from the violence". Staying out of sight, he reaches over the counter, slips the box out of Patron #2's hands and replaces it with a menu.
Rodger: (ready to pummel Patron #1) "How are you going to kill the President?"
Little Tokyo Patron #1: "I put the nuclear bomb in the briefcase."
Hector glances at the box and sees a the "Kill the President" computer game. The game is at the point where the nuclear bomb can be put in the briefcase.
Hector: (to himself as he tucks the tech box into his coat) "Well, it sounded like a confession to me."
As J starts shooting Patron #1's four friends, Hector grabs his binto box and strolls out of Little Tokyo.
 
The people in the tech area of Little Tokyo seem completely unconcerned with the violence occurring at the lunch counter. Jimmy is over there, making friends with Kenny, a teenaged techie who is showing him the energy cell charger that he built.
 
Jimmy: "Be careful. That will blow your face off."
Kenny: "I know. That's how I got thrown out of my last apartment."
 
Later, the team takes a walk (through wide open places) in order to talk privately.
 
J: "We did it. We stopped the assassins. We killed four of them."
Rodger: "And the fifth is in jail."
Hector: "Did you find the nuclear bomb?"
J and Rodger: "No."
Hector: "Then we're not done yet. There also may be a second group of assassins."
Rodger: "What makes you think there's a second group?"
Hector: (shows them the tech box) "It looks like those five may have been playing a game."
Rodger: "Are you saying that we killed a bunch of innocent people?"
Hector: "That's certainly possible."
J: "We got a confession. I recorded it."
Hector: "Yes, which is why I'm not worried about it."
Jimmy: (freaking out) "The one in jail, he's going to tell the Rangers that it was just a game."
Hector: "He's going to have a hard time proving it without this box."
 
It appears that The Church of 565 Kilocycles doesn't like the President. Someone in City Hall doesn't like him either.
 
The Church of 565 Kilocycles keep their radios tuned to 565 kHz. Acolytes perpetually meditate while listening for the voice of God through the static.
 
Hector: (to Jimmy) "Could you build a transmitter that broadcasts on 565 kilocycles?"
Jimmy: "Yes. Why?"
Hector: "I want to send them a 'message from God.' Tell them to go out into the wasteland and wait for the sign. That should narrow down the number of people we need to watch tomorrow."
Jimmy: "I'll need to visit the church to figure out how to do it convincingly. Do you want to come with me?"
Hector: "No. I want to snoop around City Hall before it closes."
Jimmy: (looking over at Rodger and J, and cringing slightly) "Um ... ah ... I'll take Rodger with me."
Hector: (completely undisturbed) "Perfect. I'll take J with me."
 
As Jimmy subtly pumps the Priest on how God reveals himself through the static, Rodger begins to have a dawning realization.
 
Rodger: (interrupting) "Wait, are you telling me that God is a robot?"
Priest of 565 kHz: (rolling his eyes to the heavens) "Fine. If that's what it takes to reach you. Yes. Sure. God is a robot."
Rodger is stunned by this revelation. As the Priest and Jimmy continue their conversation, he looks at the bible at the front of the church. On the cover it says, "The New Revised Lolcat Bible." Inside he finds a reference to the robot Roomba.
Rodger: "I knew it! God is a robot."
Thanks to the helpful priest, Jimmy learns enough (maybe) to fabricate a convincing transmission.
Rodger: (to Jimmy, after they leave the church) "If God's a robot, then me and him aren't on the same side."
 
Meanwhile, on the way to City Hall...
 
Hector: (to J) "I need you to wait inside the lobby. While you're standing there, I need you to try to peer in the back and glare, then check your Pipboy, then peer in the back and glare. Keep that up until I send a message to your Pipboy, or until they close City Hall."
J: "Why do you want me to do that?"
Hector: "If there is an assassin in City Hall, they're going to be worried about you. I'm going to slip into the back and see who reacts to their presence."
 
With J aggressively stationed in the lobby, Hector slips into the back and takes a seat at an unoccupied terminal.
 
Hector: (typing in the City Hall chat room) "Isn't the guy in the lobby the one who killed the assassins? What is he doing here?"
 
Following the clues, it appears that the mayor is involved in the assassination plot. It also appears that he's tied in with The Church of 565 Kilocycles. Fortunately, the ruse to get the Church out of town appears to be working. Most pack up and leave Dallas around midnight. The few remaining appear to be having a crisis of faith.
 
Hector: "I think the church members are patsies. I can't be the only person who figured out how easy it would be to manipulate them."
 
But there may be more of the plot to uncover. And how much should the Texas Rangers be told?
 
Hector: "... and we should tell them that The Church of 565 Kilocycles may be involved, but we've tricked most of them into leaving town."
Jimmy: "Do you really want to tell them that? One of the Texas Rangers may be tied in with the assassins."
Hector: "True, but there's not much they can do about that. What are they going to do? Broadcast that the previous voice of God was lying?"
 
There appears to be a sniper's nest in the library. Rodger will hide near the sniper's nest, ready to attack the sniper (or patsy) when he shows up. J will wait in the park across the street to watch for other gunmen.
 
GM: (to J) You can keep a watch for gunmen from there (gives a knowing look at J), because you know what a crazed gunman looks like.
 
There's also a Texas Ranger standing in the park near J.
 
GM: (to J) Do you want to point out the library window to the Ranger? Every bullet going in the window is a good thing.
Rodger: Not for me!

Quotes from Owlcon #3
 
D&D 5th Edition
Blagarm's Basement
 
150 years ago a clan of dwarves sailed to the continent of Avenrock. 120 years ago, one of the dwarves returned, carrying a dagger capable of cutting through anything. 50 years ago, humans established the colony of Rioc Alair on Avenrock. Today, the adventurers have been hired to travel to Avenrock and find out what happened to the lost clan of dwarves.
 
The trail may be a little cold.
 
Cast of characters:
Brelk: dwarven paladin, a noble
Mari: dwarven fighter
Alek: human wizard
Mikara: wood elf ranger, surprisingly crude and uncultured
Gallidan: wood elf monk
Lisara: half elf bard
Alverten: halfling rogue
Hemrick (NPC): dwarven merchant
 
Of course, the adventure starts in a tavern.
 
Lisara: (picking up her lute) "I play better when I'm drunk."
Alek: "You think you play better when you're drunk. There's a difference. It may be subtle. It may be lost on you, but there is a difference."
 
A group of dwarven merchants at the bar is having a loud debate ... which is easily overheard.
 
dwarven merchant: "We need to find someone capable enough or foolhardy enough to undertake this task."
Alek: (a couple minutes later, to Hemrick, the youngest of the dwarven merchants) "What kind of capabilities do you seek?"
Hemrick: "What?"
Alek: "You're looking for someone capable enough or foolhardy enough to undertake a task. Hopefully we fit the former description more than the latter."
Hemrick: "Just a minute." (he walks back over to his companions at the bar) "Some of you need to learn how to lower your voices."
 
As Hemrick is talking, Mikara stretches, clearly displaying her bushy underarms.
 
GM: Hemrick is starting to get a little turned on by that.
Mikara: Not the reaction I was going for.
 
Mari: (to Hemrick) "Why didn't you send anyone to look for them before now?"
Hemrick: "We've been sending parties of adventurers for the last 40 years. We haven't heard back from any of them."
Allverten: "At least your expectations will be at the right level."
 
As the party's ship arrives at Avenrock, the first visible landmark is the 500' tall lighthouse adjacent to Rioc Alair.
 
Gallidan: "I need to see what I can perceive about the lighthouse."
Lisara: "Someone was compensating for something."
 
Brelk was impressed by the honesty of the first gate guard he met.
 
Brelk: "I never thought I'd meet a human who wouldn't take a bribe. I find it rather refreshing."
Alek: "You may not have. Perhaps you met one who wouldn't take a bribe that small."
 
Discussing ale kegs...
 
Allverten: "I'm surprised dwarves would use kegs like that. Wood is rather impermanent."
Brelk: "We use special wood. It's made of stone."
 
Mikara "borrowed" a dinghy from the port, in order to scout the coastline.
 
GM: As you took the dingy, nobody gave you a second look.
Mikara: They don't know it's not mine.
GM: You're an elf. They can guess.
Mikara: (grumpily) I'm being racially profiled.
 
Lisara woke up to discover a thief breaking into her room, so she cast Charm Person on him.
 
Lisara: And this is why I always sleep in the nude.
GM: The spell lasts one hour.
Lisara: That gives me plenty of time to ask all of my questions and leave him tied up.
GM: As soon as you try to tie him up, the spell will end.
Lisara: Not the way I do it.
 
The trail eventually (and unsurprisingly) led to Blagarm's basement, where the climactic battle occurred.
 
Brelk was struck by a couple crossbow bolts.
 
Lisara: "I see you know how to be penetrated."
 
Mikara took aim at the assassin with her longbow, even though Gallidan and Mari were directly on the other side.
 
Alek: "If you shoot from there, you'll be using the dwarf and monk as a backstop."
Brelk: "That's what I'm there for."
Alek: "It's the other dwarf."
Brelk: "I know. I'm volunteering her."
 
 
Needing no additional context:
 
Brelk: "Being noble is the ultimate skill for opening doors. Being a paladin is the ultimate power for establishing credibility."
 
GM: I regularly GM for 11 people aged 9 to 37. This can't possibly get as chaotic.
Lisara: So, what you're telling us is that we're not trying hard enough.

Quotes from Owlcon #1
 
Serenity RPG
 
Miranda is going to be recolonized, but first the wreckage of the Alliance and Reaver fleets needs to be removed from the space lanes. Hundreds of independent salvagers have shown up for a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to salvage these wrecks. It's the space equivalent of a wild west land grab.
 
What could possibly go wrong?
 
 
Best without explanation:
 
GM: You tend not to find much intelligence in a library.
 
GM: Just so you know, the name of our regular game group is The TPK Roleplayers.
 
Cast of characters:
Oddo: captain
Carina: first mate
Marcelyn: pilot
Raakel: mechanic
Bertram: hacker
Wayfarer: the PCs' ship
 
The Wayfarer arrives at the staging area a day before the "salvage grab" is scheduled to begin.
 
Space station flight control: "Newly arrived vessel, please state your ship's name."
Marcelyn: "Wayfarer."
Space station flight control: "Please verify that your crew has no communicable diseases."
Marcelyn: "Uh ... verified."
Bertram: (muttering) "Not unless you count the computer viruses and worms I intend to distribute to the other crews."
 
Oddo: "Remember loose lips, something, something."
Marcelyn: "What's that about tacos?"
 
In order to make salvage operations fair, all of the independent salvagers will start the same distance from the cloud and cannot head toward the cloud until the designated moment. While waiting, we see one ship in the distance try to sneak in early ... and get promptly blown to bits by a missile from an Alliance cruiser.
 
Bertram: "I guess we're not getting much salvage off that."
Marcelyn: "Somebody on the cruiser didn't get their coffee this morning."
 
The crew locates the Drake, a Seraphim class cruiser, apparently in remarkably good condition and showing no signs of having been turned into a reaver vessel.
 
GM: The air is breathable, but smells of methane.
Bertram: "Don't light 'em up unless you really want to light 'em up."
 
Oddo and Marcelyn board the Drake (through the airlock) and proceed to engineering. Carina and Betram proceed to the Drake's bridge. Marcelyn remains on the bridge of the Wayfarer.
 
And then Marcelyn hears footsteps outside the bridge, in the direction of the airlock.
 
Marcelyn: (over the commlinks) "Did any of you come back to the ship?"
everyone else: "No." "Negative." "Nope." "No."
Marcelyn: "Shiiiiiit."
 
The Drake isn't a reaver vessel. It's a reaver habitat....
 
Bertram: "They're reavers. They're not right in the head."
 
Things look desperate, until Raakel manages to open the Drake's hold ... rapidly depressurising the ship. Of course, since the Wayfarer is connected to the Drake by an airlock (which has been reopened by the reavers), the Wayfarer is also rapidly depressurizing.
 
The boarding party is wearing pressure suits, and all of them are near chairs which they manage to buckle themselves into. Marcelyn on the other hand, has moved away from her pilot's seat ... and she isn't wearing a pressure suit. She barely manages to grab a handhold at the corner leading to the Wayfarer's airlock, but it seems unlikely that she can hold on for long.
 
So Bertram hacks into the Wayfarer's controls and shuts the airlock.
 
Marcelyn: (cursing in Chinese) "Who thought that was a brilliant idea?"
Bertram: (over the comm) "Well, you still have air to cuss, so it seems to have worked out just fine."
 
As the atmosphere blasts out of the Drake's hold...
 
GM: Is anyone doing anything else?
Bertram: (waves goodbye to the reavers)
Oddo: "And that's why I told everyone to stay in their pressure suits."
 
GM: (to Raakel) It's going to be difficult for you to reach the controls to close the hold without getting sucked out yourself.
Bertram: "If you wait until there's no air left in the ship, it becomes much easier."
 
Carina: "Technically the air is being blown out of the ship, not sucked out of the ship."
Bertram: (suggestively) "Suck ... blow ... it's all the same to me."
 
The ship finishes depressurizing...
 
Raakel: "I can repressurize the Drake now."
Bertram: "Feel free to give it five minutes ... just in case any of the reavers managed to strap themselves in."
 
Bertram: (to the GM) Does the pew pew still work?
GM: Yes. Do you know how to use heavy weapons?
Bertram: I'm thinking that a warning shot would be sufficient for most problems.
 
Marcelyn moves over from the Wayfarer's helm to the Drake's helm.
 
Marcelyn: (excitedly, looking at all the Drake's switches, monitors and controls) "This is awesome! I don't know what any of them do!"
 
In addition to its own firepower, the Seraphim carries six one-man fighters.
 
Oddo: "I think we're going to need a bigger crew."
 
For a number of reasons (particularly to conceal the fact that they had acquired an extremely valuable prize) the crew decides to grab a second, far less valuable, piece of salvage.
 
Bertram: "The next ship we grab, let's empty the atmo first."

The shadowrunners were an ork/troll group. Against stereotype, they specialized in stealth, subtlety, bluff, illusion, deception and misdirection.
 
Dent: ork, rat shaman
No-Step: ork, snake shaman, healer
Byte Force: ork, decker, chemist
Eye Spy: ork, rigger, drones, paramedic
Audacity Jane: ork, combat, stealth, security systems
Happy Jack: troll, combat, disguise, negotiator
Goldi (NPC): the local Director of Tourism ... and secretly the Baron's Chief of Intelligence
 
The Adventures of Baron Munchmaussen - A Trip to the Local Library
This was the same adventure previously described by Drhoz (here and here).
 
The team had been hired to steal a rare book from Baron Munchmaussen.
 
Discussing infiltration plans:
Byte Force's ability to spoof security cameras was critical to the plan. However, in order to do it effectively, he would need to coordinate with the team members infiltrating the castle.
 
Byte Force: "I don't think Jack can bluff his way through the tram's security. There are only two trolls in the castle, the Baron and one guard. Neither of them has come down to the village since we arrived."
Audacity Jane: "We really need Jack's headware up there, so we can have secure communication with you."
Dent: "How do you expect to sneak his lard butt around a castle?"
Audacity Jane: "That's easy. You're the one who uses magick. I intend to tell you to figure out a way."
 
Happy Jack: "Even if I'm sneaking into the castle using stealth, I would still like to disguise myself as the Baron, just in case I'm spotted inside."
No-Step: "I'm sure everyone in the castle knows the Baron well. Your disguise won't fool them for long."
Happy Jack: "It should make them hesitate for a few seconds ... and I've seen what Jane can do to someone in just a few seconds."
 
The plan was fairly simple:
Dent would make himself invisible, then ride to the castle on top of the cable car.
Once there, Dent would hide in one of the unused towers until night came.
No-Step would cover for Dent's absence by putting in several appearances as Dent during the afternoon.
Since Goldi was the only person capable of detecting Dent's invisibility or No-Step's illusion, Jack would divert her if it seemed likely that she would encounter either one.
After dark, Dent would secure a rope to the tower crenelation, then lower a rope down the cliff face below.
Using the rope and climbing gear, Jane and Jack would scale the cliff face and the castle wall.
Byte Force would use the security cameras in the castle and main keep to track the movements of the guards.
Byte Force would also selectively use video looping to prevent the cameras from seeing Dent, Jack and Jane.
The infiltration trio would use the grapple gun to scale the outside of the keep, then enter through the window of the library.
If someone was encountered, the infiltration team would use tasers, silenced SMGs, magick and melee to quietly deal with them.
The team would exfiltrate by using the rope down the side of the cliff.
The rope would be destroyed behind them, concealing the method of entry/egress.
If the castle became alerted to the presence of the infiltrators, No-Step and Eye Spy would use illusions and missile fire to distract the castle guards.
 
Happy Jack seemed to enjoy diverting Goldi.
 
Happy Jack: (approaching Goldi as she left her office) "Goldi! Could you help settle a bet I have with one of my friends."
Goldi: (cautiously) "Maybe."
Happy Jack: "Was the hamburger invented in Hamburg?"
Goldi: "No."
Happy Jack: "Are you sure?"
Goldi: "Yes."
Happy Jack: "DAMMIT ... um ... I mean, thanks for the information."
Goldi: "Is that all?"
Happy Jack: "Yes." (pause) "Hey! If you're leaving work, come have a beer or two with me."
Goldi: (turning slightly green) "Actually, I have an important call that I have to make right now."
Goldi quickly retreated back into her office.
 
Later that night, while Jack and Jane were waiting for Dent to lower the rope...
 
Happy Jack: (checking his watch) "It's time for me to convince Goldi we're not worth watching tonight."
Audacity Jane: "How do you plan to do that?"
Happy Jack dialed Goldi's number.
Goldi: "Hallo."
Happy Jack: (slurring his words slightly) "Hi Goldi. Do you know the waitress at the bierhall? The brunette with the two braids?"
Goldi: (sighing) "I know her. Why?"
Happy Jack: "Do you know if she has a fetish for trolls?"
Goldi: (icily) "Probably not."
Happy Jack: "Oh." (long pause) "My friend has a question. Does she have a fetish for orks?"
Goldi: [click]
Happy Jack: "Hello? Hello?"
Audacity Jane: "You have such a way with women."
Happy Jack: "It's a gift."
 
Things went according to plan until the team found the book in the library.
 
Audacity Jane: "This isn't the right book. It's a fake. It doesn't have the engraved cover."
Happy Jack: "He put the fake where thieves would expect to find it. The real one must be secured somewhere else."
Dent: "I know the fastest way to find the real one."
Happy Jack: "And that is...."
Dent: "The Baron's bedroom is just down the hall. I bet he knows where it is."
 
The Baron was a light sleeper ... until he was tasered, koshed and tranqued. He slept more soundly after that.
 
Dent: "The book is on his bedside table."
Audacity Jane: "That was easier to retrieve than I expected."
 
Dent's Mind Probe turned up some other interesting information.
 
Dent: "He didn't get a good look at us when we entered the room, but he thinks we're assassins sent to kill him."
Audacity Jane: "Then he'll be pleasantly surprised when he wakes up tomorrow morning."
 
Dent: "The maglock key around his neck is his secret escape route. There's a helicopter in a room upstairs. He can open the roof, raise a platform, and fly it out of here. We could use the helicopter to fly all the way back to Berlin!"
Audacity Jane: "Great plan ... except half of our team is still down in the valley ... including the pilot."
Happy Jack: "What kind of helicopter is it?"
Dent: "A high-end luxury one. Why?"
Happy Jack: "If it has a good enough autopilot, the helicopter can fly itself out of here. If it does that, everyone is going to assume that we, and the book, are on board."
 
No-Step and Eye Spy returned to Byte Force's room in order to facilitate secure communication between the two halves of the team.
 
Happy Jack: "Eye Spy, the Baron has a Hughes Airstar. If Byte Force gives you a route, can you you tell us how to program the autopilot to follow it?"
Eye Spy: "Of course."
Byte Force: "I don't have a route, though."
Happy Jack: "Find a route from the roof of the Keep to the middle of the Rhine-Ruhr toxic zone. I want the flight to buzz Graf Eisenstein's castle on the way there."
Byte Force: "Okay. Why?"
Happy Jack: "Munchmaussen has been shooting down Eisenstein's drones every week. Graf Eisenstein might want to return the favor with Munchmaussen's helicopter. I'm also fairly certain Munchmaussen won't be given permission to examine the wreckage."
Byte Force: "That's easy enough."
Happy Jack: "And have the route avoid passing over Munchmaussen valley. The Baron's SAM systems may be automated, and I don't want flaming wreckage to land on my head."
Byte Force: "I'll have it in one minute."
Happy Jack: "Eye Spy, we'll need the autopilot to be set on a timed delay. I want to be down in the valley before it goes tearing out of here."
Eye Spy: "Ooookay."
Happy Jack: "No-Step, I need you to cast and maintain an illusion covering the northwest side of the Keep's roof."
No-Step: "An illusion of what?"
Happy Jack: "An illusion of the roof. That's where the helicopter is going to be."
 
The Baron (presumably) woke the next morning to find the book missing, a metal briefcase in its place, the perpetrators gone, and his helicopter long gone.
 
Dent: "After what we did to him, he's going to wake up with the mother of all headaches."
Eye Spy: "Maybe the briefcase was full of Exedrin."

Quotes from Owlcon #5
 
Adventure! (Pulp Fiction)
The Deadly Danger of Dinosaur Island
 
Where did a Hollywood producer get a dinosaur? Why did someone try to kill him for the secret? It's up to the Aeon Society to uncover the truth and set things right.
 
Cast of characters:
"Cactus" Carolina Vasquez: cowgirl and trick shooter
Lavonne White, "The Silent Spectre": female homage to The Shadow
The "Unbreakable" Dr. Samuel Glass: Doc Savage homage with a mechanical hand
Kent Woolsley, star of the silver screen: action star and ladies' man
Cicero de Valentine (NPC): legendary Hollywood producer
 
Cicero de Valentine is hosting one of his legendary parties. He gets the crowd's attention, and unveils a large dinosaur (an Allosaur) in a cage.
 
Cicero de Valentine: "We are going to make this magnificent beast into a movie star."
Carolina Vasquez: "Does he memorize his lines or use cue cards?"
 
The dinosaur bursts out of the cage.
 
Carolina Vasquez: (excited) "I ain't never seen a critter like this before, and I shore ain't never ridden one!"
 
As Carolina and Dr. Glass engage the dinosaur, The Silent Spectre dives under a tablecloth in order to change into her costume.
 
Silent Spectre: I quietly curse the need for a secret identity.
 
The dinosaur looks confused.
 
Carolina Vasquez: (to the dinosaur) "Honey, It's only goin' to get weirder from here."
 
Dr. Glass' exploding fire extinguisher impairs the dinosaur, but fails to freeze it in place.
 
Dr. Samuel Glass: "Obviously I need a bigger bomb ... or a bigger stick."
 
Carolina lassoed the dinosaur's muzzle.
 
GM: Your plan goes awry when the dinosaur lifts his head, leaving you swinging from the end of the rope.
Carolina Vasquez (ooc): Actually, that's still well within my plan.
 
The trio gets the dinosaur back into his cage, but the perceptive Dr. Glass notices flashes coming from Valentine's office during the chaos ... and a man in a black leather trench coat and hat fleeing the scene.
 
Kent Woolsley: (arriving late to the party) "I seem to have missed the party. What happened?"
Dr. Samuel Glass: "Sabotage, murder, an escaped villain ..."
Kent Woolsley: "So it's Tuesday?"
 
Kent and Dr. Glass enter Valentine's office, and find Valentine slumped against the wall, bleeding out from multiple bullet wounds.
 
Kent Woolsley: "Valentine, old chap, this is not a good look on you."
 
The German villain failed to get what he was after, a scrap of paper with the coordinates to Dinosaur Island on it.
 
The Aeon Society members hire a seaplane to take them out to the coordinates on the paper. To no-one's surprise, they find an uncharted tropical island at the coordinates. Minutes after making this discovery, the plane is riddled by bullets. The plane is being chased by members of the German Expeditionary Force, who are riding enormous pterodactyls and firing machine guns.
 
Carolina Vasquez: (eyes lighting up) "I want to ride one of those!"
 
One engine is struck by bullets and bursts into flame.
 
Pilot: "This flight is about to get rough!"
The Silent Spectre: "Take this plane down and land it."
Pilot: "Land it where?"
The Silent Spectre: "See the big blue parking lot below us?"
 
While The Silent Spectre, Carolina and Dr. Glass take their toll on the pursuing Germans, Kent gathers the packs and parachutes in preparation for a rapid evacuation.
 
Kent Woolsley: (handing a parachute to the pilot) "Here you go."
Pilot: (pulling the parachute on) "Thanks!" (bails out of the plane, leaving the Aeon Society members behind)
 
Kent Woolsley raids the wet bar, bails out of the plane, and lands on the last pterodactyl, right behind the German soldier. Immediately afterwards, Carolina lands on the pterodactyl right in front of Kent, kicking the German off in the process.
 
Carolina Vasquez: "Kent, you saved me a seat."
Kent Woolsley: (handing her a beer bottle) "And a drink."
 
Carolina guides the pterodactyl to a landing on the beach.
 
Carolina Vasquez: (shooting the pterodactyl in the back of the head) "Whoa."
 
There is a German Expeditionary Force camp on the island, complete with an electrified fence, guard towers, barracks, docks, submarine and a dinosaur stable.
 
Dr. Samuel Glass: (looking through binoculars) "I don't see where the leader's office is."
Carolina Vasquez: "They're German. Doesn't the Commandant's office always have flowers outside?"
 
The plan is simple:
Dr. Glass and Kent will dress up in German uniforms.
They will bluff their way into the camp.
Kent will steal documents from the Commandant's office.
Dr. Glass will sabotage the generator.
Carolina and Silent Spectre will stampede a herd of dinosaurs into the camp.
The team will escape by submarine.
 
Step two could cause some problems. Dr. Glass speaks German, but he's not particularly good at subterfuge.
 
Dr. Samuel Glass: "Do you know any German, Kent?"
Kent Woolsley: "I know a few lines of German. I learned them phonetically for a movie role. I'll be fine."
 
Dr. Glass and Kent, looking battered and bloody, approach the camp gate.
 
Dr. Samuel Glass: (yelling to the soldiers at the gate) "A plane crashed. We were attacked by the survivors. We are all that are left."
The German soldiers stare suspiciously at Dr. Glass.
Kent Woolsley: (emphatically) "Jah. It vas terrible. It vas terrible. Herr Doktor! Where is Herr Doktor?"
German soldiers: (nodding) "Jah, jah. Herr Doktor."
The pair are led to the doctor's office for treatment.
 
The two are left alone with the doctor. Then Kent knocks the doctor out, and the two are alone. It's time for a costume change...
 
Dr. Samuel Glass: "I have a clipboard and a lab coat. I know how to play this role!"
 
The plan goes well. The generator explodes. Seconds later, the herd of dinosaurs stampedes into camp.
 
Dr. Samuel Glass: (excited) "How many times does a scientist get to cut loose and watch a social experiment unfold."
 
Dr. Glass wades into battle with a group of German soldiers.
 
Dr. Samuel Glass: "Sometimes you need to break a few heads for science."
Kent Woolsley: "I thought that was 'eggs'."
Dr. Samuel Glass: "Well ... they're called eggheads."
 
Dr. Samuel Glass: (grabbing a soldier's rifle and punching the soldier in the face) "This is what I call a 'weapon upgrade'."
 
While Dr. Glass confronts some soldiers, Kent squares off with the Commandant. But the Commandant has a surprise up his sleeve...
 
Commandant: "Americans. I should have known. You won't get away with this." (yells loudly) "Release the Ubersaur!"
A massive Tyrannosaur bursts from the dinosaur barn. It is covered in armor plates. It has an anti-tank gun mounted on its back. Five soldiers man the anti-tank gun, while a sixth guides the Ubersaur.
Kent Woolsley: "Ubersaur? Couldn't you come up with an original name? This could be a movie someday."
 
The Ubersaur's anti-tank gun fires, striking the dinosaur Carolina is riding and killing it instantly. Carolina slides off the dinosaur and shoots the soldier holding its reins. He slumps to the side, causing the Ubersaur to start turning around in circles.
The Silent Spectre: (looking around the camp) "I can't possibly add to this chaos. I'm going to secure our escape route." (she heads toward the submarine)
Carolina Vasquez: (cheerfully) "I can definitely add to this chaos."
As the Ubersaur turns so its back is towards Carolina, she fires a bullet at one of the anti-tank rounds in the ammo hopper, striking it in the primer.
GM: There is a massive explosion. The Ubersaur collapses, torn nearly in two. Pieces of metal rain down all over camp ... And the Germans have discovered a design flaw in their Ubersaur.
 
The Commandant twists his cane ... and pulls out a sword. Kent responds by pulling out his umbrella. They fence....
 
Kent: I stab him in the monocle with my umbrella.

Quotes from Owlcon #5
 
Adventure! (Pulp Fiction)
The Deadly Danger of Dinosaur Island
 
Where did a Hollywood producer get a dinosaur? Why did someone try to kill him for the secret? It's up to the Aeon Society to uncover the truth and set things right.
 
Cast of characters:
"Cactus" Carolina Vasquez: cowgirl and trick shooter
Lavonne White, "The Silent Spectre": female homage to The Shadow
The "Unbreakable" Dr. Samuel Glass: Doc Savage homage with a mechanical hand
Kent Woolsley, star of the silver screen: action star and ladies' man
Cicero de Valentine (NPC): legendary Hollywood producer
 
Cicero de Valentine is hosting one of his legendary parties. He gets the crowd's attention, and unveils a large dinosaur (an Allosaur) in a cage.
 
Cicero de Valentine: "We are going to make this magnificent beast into a movie star."
Carolina Vasquez: "Does he memorize his lines or use cue cards?"
 
The dinosaur bursts out of the cage.
 
Carolina Vasquez: (excited) "I ain't never seen a critter like this before, and I shore ain't never ridden one!"
 
As Carolina and Dr. Glass engage the dinosaur, The Silent Spectre dives under a tablecloth in order to change into her costume.
 
Silent Spectre: I quietly curse the need for a secret identity.
 
The dinosaur looks confused.
 
Carolina Vasquez: (to the dinosaur) "Honey, It's only goin' to get weirder from here."
 
Dr. Glass' exploding fire extinguisher impairs the dinosaur, but fails to freeze it in place.
 
Dr. Samuel Glass: "Obviously I need a bigger bomb ... or a bigger stick."
 
Carolina lassoed the dinosaur's muzzle.
 
GM: Your plan goes awry when the dinosaur lifts his head, leaving you swinging from the end of the rope.
Carolina Vasquez (ooc): Actually, that's still well within my plan.
 
The trio gets the dinosaur back into his cage, but the perceptive Dr. Glass notices flashes coming from Valentine's office during the chaos ... and a man in a black leather trench coat and hat fleeing the scene.
 
Kent Woolsley: (arriving late to the party) "I seem to have missed the party. What happened?"
Dr. Samuel Glass: "Sabotage, murder, an escaped villain ..."
Kent Woolsley: "So it's Tuesday?"
 
Kent and Dr. Glass enter Valentine's office, and find Valentine slumped against the wall, bleeding out from multiple bullet wounds.
 
Kent Woolsley: "Valentine, old chap, this is not a good look on you."
 
The German villain failed to get what he was after, a scrap of paper with the coordinates to Dinosaur Island on it.
 
The Aeon Society members hire a seaplane to take them out to the coordinates on the paper. To no-one's surprise, they find an uncharted tropical island at the coordinates. Minutes after making this discovery, the plane is riddled by bullets. The plane is being chased by members of the German Expeditionary Force, who are riding enormous pterodactyls and firing machine guns.
 
Carolina Vasquez: (eyes lighting up) "I want to ride one of those!"
 
One engine is struck by bullets and bursts into flame.
 
Pilot: "This flight is about to get rough!"
The Silent Spectre: "Take this plane down and land it."
Pilot: "Land it where?"
The Silent Spectre: "See the big blue parking lot below us?"
 
While The Silent Spectre, Carolina and Dr. Glass take their toll on the pursuing Germans, Kent gathers the packs and parachutes in preparation for a rapid evacuation.
 
Kent Woolsley: (handing a parachute to the pilot) "Here you go."
Pilot: (pulling the parachute on) "Thanks!" (bails out of the plane, leaving the Aeon Society members behind)
 
Kent Woolsley raids the wet bar, bails out of the plane, and lands on the last pterodactyl, right behind the German soldier. Immediately afterwards, Carolina lands on the pterodactyl right in front of Kent, kicking the German off in the process.
 
Carolina Vasquez: "Kent, you saved me a seat."
Kent Woolsley: (handing her a beer bottle) "And a drink."
 
Carolina guides the pterodactyl to a landing on the beach.
 
Carolina Vasquez: (shooting the pterodactyl in the back of the head) "Whoa."
 
There is a German Expeditionary Force camp on the island, complete with an electrified fence, guard towers, barracks, docks, submarine and a dinosaur stable.
 
Dr. Samuel Glass: (looking through binoculars) "I don't see where the leader's office is."
Carolina Vasquez: "They're German. Doesn't the Commandant's office always have flowers outside?"
 
The plan is simple:
Dr. Glass and Kent will dress up in German uniforms.
They will bluff their way into the camp.
Kent will steal documents from the Commandant's office.
Dr. Glass will sabotage the generator.
Carolina and Silent Spectre will stampede a herd of dinosaurs into the camp.
The team will escape by submarine.
 
Step two could cause some problems. Dr. Glass speaks German, but he's not particularly good at subterfuge.
 
Dr. Samuel Glass: "Do you know any German, Kent?"
Kent Woolsley: "I know a few lines of German. I learned them phonetically for a movie role. I'll be fine."
 
Dr. Glass and Kent, looking battered and bloody, approach the camp gate.
 
Dr. Samuel Glass: (yelling to the soldiers at the gate) "A plane crashed. We were attacked by the survivors. We are all that are left."
The German soldiers stare suspiciously at Dr. Glass.
Kent Woolsley: (emphatically) "Jah. It vas terrible. It vas terrible. Herr Doktor! Where is Herr Doktor?"
German soldiers: (nodding) "Jah, jah. Herr Doktor."
The pair are led to the doctor's office for treatment.
 
The two are left alone with the doctor. Then Kent knocks the doctor out, and the two are alone. It's time for a costume change...
 
Dr. Samuel Glass: "I have a clipboard and a lab coat. I know how to play this role!"
 
The plan goes well. The generator explodes. Seconds later, the herd of dinosaurs stampedes into camp.
 
Dr. Samuel Glass: (excited) "How many times does a scientist get to cut loose and watch a social experiment unfold."
 
Dr. Glass wades into battle with a group of German soldiers.
 
Dr. Samuel Glass: "Sometimes you need to break a few heads for science."
Kent Woolsley: "I thought that was 'eggs'."
Dr. Samuel Glass: "Well ... they're called eggheads."
 
Dr. Samuel Glass: (grabbing a soldier's rifle and punching the soldier in the face) "This is what I call a 'weapon upgrade'."
 
While Dr. Glass confronts some soldiers, Kent squares off with the Commandant. But the Commandant has a surprise up his sleeve...
 
Commandant: "Americans. I should have known. You won't get away with this." (yells loudly) "Release the Ubersaur!"
A massive Tyrannosaur bursts from the dinosaur barn. It is covered in armor plates. It has an anti-tank gun mounted on its back. Five soldiers man the anti-tank gun, while a sixth guides the Ubersaur.
Kent Woolsley: "Ubersaur? Couldn't you come up with an original name? This could be a movie someday."
 
The Ubersaur's anti-tank gun fires, striking the dinosaur Carolina is riding and killing it instantly. Carolina slides off the dinosaur and shoots the soldier holding its reins. He slumps to the side, causing the Ubersaur to start turning around in circles.
The Silent Spectre: (looking around the camp) "I can't possibly add to this chaos. I'm going to secure our escape route." (she heads toward the submarine)
Carolina Vasquez: (cheerfully) "I can definitely add to this chaos."
As the Ubersaur turns so its back is towards Carolina, she fires a bullet at one of the anti-tank rounds in the ammo hopper, striking it in the primer.
GM: There is a massive explosion. The Ubersaur collapses, torn nearly in two. Pieces of metal rain down all over camp ... And the Germans have discovered a design flaw in their Ubersaur.
 
The Commandant twists his cane ... and pulls out a sword. Kent responds by pulling out his umbrella. They fence....
 
Kent: I stab him in the monocle with my umbrella.

Quotes from Owlcon #3
 
D&D 5th Edition
Blagarm's Basement
 
150 years ago a clan of dwarves sailed to the continent of Avenrock. 120 years ago, one of the dwarves returned, carrying a dagger capable of cutting through anything. 50 years ago, humans established the colony of Rioc Alair on Avenrock. Today, the adventurers have been hired to travel to Avenrock and find out what happened to the lost clan of dwarves.
 
The trail may be a little cold.
 
Cast of characters:
Brelk: dwarven paladin, a noble
Mari: dwarven fighter
Alek: human wizard
Mikara: wood elf ranger, surprisingly crude and uncultured
Gallidan: wood elf monk
Lisara: half elf bard
Alverten: halfling rogue
Hemrick (NPC): dwarven merchant
 
Of course, the adventure starts in a tavern.
 
Lisara: (picking up her lute) "I play better when I'm drunk."
Alek: "You think you play better when you're drunk. There's a difference. It may be subtle. It may be lost on you, but there is a difference."
 
A group of dwarven merchants at the bar is having a loud debate ... which is easily overheard.
 
dwarven merchant: "We need to find someone capable enough or foolhardy enough to undertake this task."
Alek: (a couple minutes later, to Hemrick, the youngest of the dwarven merchants) "What kind of capabilities do you seek?"
Hemrick: "What?"
Alek: "You're looking for someone capable enough or foolhardy enough to undertake a task. Hopefully we fit the former description more than the latter."
Hemrick: "Just a minute." (he walks back over to his companions at the bar) "Some of you need to learn how to lower your voices."
 
As Hemrick is talking, Mikara stretches, clearly displaying her bushy underarms.
 
GM: Hemrick is starting to get a little turned on by that.
Mikara: Not the reaction I was going for.
 
Mari: (to Hemrick) "Why didn't you send anyone to look for them before now?"
Hemrick: "We've been sending parties of adventurers for the last 40 years. We haven't heard back from any of them."
Allverten: "At least your expectations will be at the right level."
 
As the party's ship arrives at Avenrock, the first visible landmark is the 500' tall lighthouse adjacent to Rioc Alair.
 
Gallidan: "I need to see what I can perceive about the lighthouse."
Lisara: "Someone was compensating for something."
 
Brelk was impressed by the honesty of the first gate guard he met.
 
Brelk: "I never thought I'd meet a human who wouldn't take a bribe. I find it rather refreshing."
Alek: "You may not have. Perhaps you met one who wouldn't take a bribe that small."
 
Discussing ale kegs...
 
Allverten: "I'm surprised dwarves would use kegs like that. Wood is rather impermanent."
Brelk: "We use special wood. It's made of stone."
 
Mikara "borrowed" a dinghy from the port, in order to scout the coastline.
 
GM: As you took the dingy, nobody gave you a second look.
Mikara: They don't know it's not mine.
GM: You're an elf. They can guess.
Mikara: (grumpily) I'm being racially profiled.
 
Lisara woke up to discover a thief breaking into her room, so she cast Charm Person on him.
 
Lisara: And this is why I always sleep in the nude.
GM: The spell lasts one hour.
Lisara: That gives me plenty of time to ask all of my questions and leave him tied up.
GM: As soon as you try to tie him up, the spell will end.
Lisara: Not the way I do it.
 
The trail eventually (and unsurprisingly) led to Blagarm's basement, where the climactic battle occurred.
 
Brelk was struck by a couple crossbow bolts.
 
Lisara: "I see you know how to be penetrated."
 
Mikara took aim at the assassin with her longbow, even though Gallidan and Mari were directly on the other side.
 
Alek: "If you shoot from there, you'll be using the dwarf and monk as a backstop."
Brelk: "That's what I'm there for."
Alek: "It's the other dwarf."
Brelk: "I know. I'm volunteering her."
 
 
Needing no additional context:
 
Brelk: "Being noble is the ultimate skill for opening doors. Being a paladin is the ultimate power for establishing credibility."
 
GM: I regularly GM for 11 people aged 9 to 37. This can't possibly get as chaotic.
Lisara: So, what you're telling us is that we're not trying hard enough.

Quotes from Owlcon #1
 
Serenity RPG
 
Miranda is going to be recolonized, but first the wreckage of the Alliance and Reaver fleets needs to be removed from the space lanes. Hundreds of independent salvagers have shown up for a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to salvage these wrecks. It's the space equivalent of a wild west land grab.
 
What could possibly go wrong?
 
 
Best without explanation:
 
GM: You tend not to find much intelligence in a library.
 
GM: Just so you know, the name of our regular game group is The TPK Roleplayers.
 
Cast of characters:
Oddo: captain
Carina: first mate
Marcelyn: pilot
Raakel: mechanic
Bertram: hacker
Wayfarer: the PCs' ship
 
The Wayfarer arrives at the staging area a day before the "salvage grab" is scheduled to begin.
 
Space station flight control: "Newly arrived vessel, please state your ship's name."
Marcelyn: "Wayfarer."
Space station flight control: "Please verify that your crew has no communicable diseases."
Marcelyn: "Uh ... verified."
Bertram: (muttering) "Not unless you count the computer viruses and worms I intend to distribute to the other crews."
 
Oddo: "Remember loose lips, something, something."
Marcelyn: "What's that about tacos?"
 
In order to make salvage operations fair, all of the independent salvagers will start the same distance from the cloud and cannot head toward the cloud until the designated moment. While waiting, we see one ship in the distance try to sneak in early ... and get promptly blown to bits by a missile from an Alliance cruiser.
 
Bertram: "I guess we're not getting much salvage off that."
Marcelyn: "Somebody on the cruiser didn't get their coffee this morning."
 
The crew locates the Drake, a Seraphim class cruiser, apparently in remarkably good condition and showing no signs of having been turned into a reaver vessel.
 
GM: The air is breathable, but smells of methane.
Bertram: "Don't light 'em up unless you really want to light 'em up."
 
Oddo and Marcelyn board the Drake (through the airlock) and proceed to engineering. Carina and Betram proceed to the Drake's bridge. Marcelyn remains on the bridge of the Wayfarer.
 
And then Marcelyn hears footsteps outside the bridge, in the direction of the airlock.
 
Marcelyn: (over the commlinks) "Did any of you come back to the ship?"
everyone else: "No." "Negative." "Nope." "No."
Marcelyn: "Shiiiiiit."
 
The Drake isn't a reaver vessel. It's a reaver habitat....
 
Bertram: "They're reavers. They're not right in the head."
 
Things look desperate, until Raakel manages to open the Drake's hold ... rapidly depressurising the ship. Of course, since the Wayfarer is connected to the Drake by an airlock (which has been reopened by the reavers), the Wayfarer is also rapidly depressurizing.
 
The boarding party is wearing pressure suits, and all of them are near chairs which they manage to buckle themselves into. Marcelyn on the other hand, has moved away from her pilot's seat ... and she isn't wearing a pressure suit. She barely manages to grab a handhold at the corner leading to the Wayfarer's airlock, but it seems unlikely that she can hold on for long.
 
So Bertram hacks into the Wayfarer's controls and shuts the airlock.
 
Marcelyn: (cursing in Chinese) "Who thought that was a brilliant idea?"
Bertram: (over the comm) "Well, you still have air to cuss, so it seems to have worked out just fine."
 
As the atmosphere blasts out of the Drake's hold...
 
GM: Is anyone doing anything else?
Bertram: (waves goodbye to the reavers)
Oddo: "And that's why I told everyone to stay in their pressure suits."
 
GM: (to Raakel) It's going to be difficult for you to reach the controls to close the hold without getting sucked out yourself.
Bertram: "If you wait until there's no air left in the ship, it becomes much easier."
 
Carina: "Technically the air is being blown out of the ship, not sucked out of the ship."
Bertram: (suggestively) "Suck ... blow ... it's all the same to me."
 
The ship finishes depressurizing...
 
Raakel: "I can repressurize the Drake now."
Bertram: "Feel free to give it five minutes ... just in case any of the reavers managed to strap themselves in."
 
Bertram: (to the GM) Does the pew pew still work?
GM: Yes. Do you know how to use heavy weapons?
Bertram: I'm thinking that a warning shot would be sufficient for most problems.
 
Marcelyn moves over from the Wayfarer's helm to the Drake's helm.
 
Marcelyn: (excitedly, looking at all the Drake's switches, monitors and controls) "This is awesome! I don't know what any of them do!"
 
In addition to its own firepower, the Seraphim carries six one-man fighters.
 
Oddo: "I think we're going to need a bigger crew."
 
For a number of reasons (particularly to conceal the fact that they had acquired an extremely valuable prize) the crew decides to grab a second, far less valuable, piece of salvage.
 
Bertram: "The next ship we grab, let's empty the atmo first."

Food Fight - The classic intro Shadowrun module.

GM: Seattle. 2070. The Night is Cold. The Rain is wet. And you are HUNGRY.
Ryleigh: I'd be surprised if rain wasn't wet.
Dr. Rubicante: Back in my day, the rain was wetter.
Backup GM: In the manasphere it has been documented to rain fish.
GM: It's the Great Equaliser. It'll stop a troll the size of a car just as easily as the smallest dwarf or thinnest elf. It ain't a weapon, spell, or even a dragon. It's Hunger. When it's time to eat, you just gotta get the stuffers in your stomach before you go berserk. What are stuffers? they used to be called Junk Food or Munchies. They're probably about as good for you as nutrisoy and krill-filler, regardless of the ads from the UCAS nutrition council.
Ripper K: I'm hungry. Wanna go get some protein bars?
GM: When the Pangs hit, there's only one place to go (especially when the sun rises in about an hour) to find that kind of chow. It's the place everyone loves to hate: Stuffer Shack.
Ryleigh: Let's raid the shack.
Dr. Rubicante: Back in my day, 'Stuffer Shack' was the title of porn. It was one of those cross-genre horror/smut pieces.
Anders "Hogfather" Lee: Still is Grandad, get with the times
Dr. Rubicante: I got with the times once. It was awful.
Ryleigh: They'd done porn in a Stuffer Shack
Ripper K: *looks smug* I know

Ripper K heads straight to the energy bars - 150% protein with added caffeine and red food food colouring.

Ripper K: Anybody want some Soya-Bulk? It's on special. Hey, banana flavour!

An elf-woman and her kid come in, a car explodes in the car park, the cashier gets knocked out, and four gangers come in and order everybody onto the floor.

Dr. Rubicante: You spilled my soykaf. Prepare to die, obviously.
Anders "Hogfather" Lee: You should all back the f**k off right now, you're not getting between me and my pie!

Ripper K points at the largest of the raiders

Ripper K: Hey! Hey, you! You allergic to nuts?
Ganger: Yes, what's it to you, blubberhead?
Ripper K: Hope you've got your Epipen. *kicks the ganger's nuts into his throat*

The GM (and temp GM while the GM had a guy thrown at his car at Subway) are still learning how to use roll20 for Shadowrun.

Ripper K's player: It's a learning experience for all of us. Especially for the ganger, who has just learned 'Wear a cup'

Another ganger screams, and unloads his shotgun at Ripper.

Ganger 2: What the f**k ARE you?! DIE!
Ripper K: What am I? Pissed off, chummer. Or should that be 'Chum'? *showing all those pointy pointy orca teeth*
Ganger 2: *starts backing off* Holy shit! I signed up to knock over a stuffer shack, not fight monsters! Frag this!
GM: He f**kin' Books it. There's a little something called Professional Rating. It's the WHAT THE F**K EVERYTHING IS GOING WRONG RUN AWAAAAY Stat.

We interrogate the remaining gangers. They claim they were paid to intimidate the elf. Blowing up her car was the chosen method.

Anders "Hogfather" Lee: Ngong Kau, idiot. Explosives on this kind of run? More likely to blow your idiot asses up.

Dr. Rubicante sighs softly, producing a scalpel from his medkit.

Dr. Rubicante: Do you know how much a Mortimer of London Berwick Suit costs? Soykaf stains are so hard to get off... I may need to sell some organs to help pay for it. Unless of course... you have some information interesting enough to keep me from cutting off that pretty little tongue?

But they really don't have much more to share. They don't know who or why they were hired. The elf doesn't want to explain either, at least while her kid is within earshot. Ripper volunteers to keep him distracted.

GM: The kid jumps up on you and gives you a hug, going wooow at your big muscles ans the fact that you look like big willy from the movies
Dr. Rubicante: Free Willy 7
Backup GM : big willy, hurr hurr
GM: (The KIDS MOVIE, not the Porno!)
Anders "Hogfather" Lee: Free Willy 11" more like it....
GM: Anyway - who's going with the mom?
Ripper K: LOL. wow, the accidental innuendo is strong today

Anders "Hogfather" Lee: Cute kid. So whats the situation here? You on the run, abusive husband, dealt with a dragon?

Apparently the kid's dad is an exec at one of the AA corps, and she was being paid a small remittance to never bother him again. She has no idea why the money has been replaced with explosives.

Ripper K is giving the kid piggyback rides around the store.

GM: Before you can plow deeper into this dilemma, however, You hear sirens in the distance. Knight Errant patrol this area, and they're on their way. Unless you want to have a nice chat with a nice officer who wants to know your SIN, I suggest you hightail it out of there, chummers.
Anders "Hogfather" Lee: Look, lady, do you and the kids want a lift home or something? I don't know what else we can do, I'll talk to the others...But uh, for obvious reasons we needs to make like a tree and fuck off

Dr. Rubicante OoC: I still don't know how to cast magic. XD Can I have some practice casts? Like, OOC targetting dummies. XD
Anders "Hogfather" Lee: Just use the ganger Ripper stuffed in the fridge.
Dr. Rubicante: Let's take the gangers with us! 8D Make them dump all their equipment in your trunk first. If they really just want to scare the lady, they've done their job and they're gonna get paid- but if they were paid to kill a woman and her child, well, sympathy is a privilege they do not have.
Anders "Hogfather" Lee: Fair enough, besides, they owe you for that free medical treatment
Dr. Rubicante: These medkits don't refill themselves, after all!

Black Crusade : The Sundered World

The alternate Black Crusade campaign, where the PCs are surrounded by enemies and have far less agency than devotees of Chaos have when they're at large in the Screaming Vortex.

On the other hand, the perpetually rainy Imperial world of Sinophia is so financially and spiritually bankrupt that it's a miracle it hasn't fallen to Chaos already. It's degenerated so far that the Imperium hasn't bothered to raise a Guard regiment in three centuries, and even the Planetary Defence Forces have been judged unfit for purpose, and it's only a matter of time before Holy Terra orders the execution of the Governor for gross incompetence, installs a military dictatorship, and then raises the taxes to pay for the bullets. Of course, the planetary nobility are so far in denial that can see the Pyramids. Until then they can while away the time in mutual loathing of the criminal underclass.

Anyway, the characters - an assemblage of villainy that warmed my cold cold heart.
 

Lord-Captain Robin Daniels: A minor Rogue Trader with a very peculiar name. "Robin because its what he likes to do and Daniels because its what he likes to drink!" A name and a joke so old it predates the Imperium and nobody knows why it's supposed to be funny anymore. He's an alcoholic too, spending every available coin on more booze while his ship is stuck in orbit undergoing vital repairs, and the Sinophian authorities try to milk him of every cent he has. Such crew as he brought down with him are little more than another armed gang now. As the plater puts it, 'Stumbling out into the ever-present rain, a bottle in hand and unsure legs to carry him he seeks yet another night of adventure and delight to while away the time, the hope of something to break the tedium and throw him free of this forsaken planet.'

Digna FeM8xr97MR: "You comment on my hair. I blame the Genetor who failed to notice the faulty recessive melanotropin receptor in my paternal gamete." A heretek from the Lathe Worlds, and no mere tech-priest at that. She was a member of the Prefecture Magisterium, the Diagnostic Covens that are the tech-priest equivalent of the Imperial Inquisition and law enforcement. And as far as they know she still is. She's certainly been interrogating every suspected heretek on Sinophia she can catch up with. There's enough of them - the Adeptus Mechanicus are just one of the Adepta that use Sinophia as a dumping ground.

Digna's realization of the hypocrisy of the Adeptus Mechanicus preaching the "Knowledge is Holy" in one breath, only to decry certain knowledge as profane and blasphemous, was her first step into darkness. The Dark Gods simply offer yet another path on which to acquire knowledge, including knowledge that the Mechanicus wilfully keeps itself ignorant of. She has been careful to hide the clues of her true allegiance from her masters within the Prefecture Magisterium, but knows that all it will take is some diligent archivist uncovering the faint clues within the records of her interrogations or, worse, reconstructing the original recordings of her more "blasphemous" ones.

But she has made the acquaintance of a certain Heretek with an affinity for the squishier sciences (and reported him as 'requires further surveillance').

Dr.Eniek, aka The Surgeon, The Consultant, The Chirugeon, AC7^2 : Gender: probably male. Build: Of adjustable height and width. Favourite Sleeping position: Curled into a ball while tethered to the ceiling. Favourite thing to collect: used optical implants. Current Occupation: Chirugeon to the Upper-class; on days off, runs a high turnover homeless shelter/street clinic. The surgeon's goals are noble, his methods are not - he has long ago shed his morality in the face of pure logic. Morals merely delay or undo the necessary work. To whit: implanting alien organs and DNA into humans to improve the species. Hence his presence on Sinophia, where the Logician Cult were doing that to the PDF a few years back. When they got found out, the entire garrison went into berserk cannibalistic frenzy, and most of the local garrison of Adeptus Arbites went up in a mushroom cloud.

Digna has an offsider too.

Vlad-9: A skitarii tribune assigned to assist her in her investigations, actually assigned to surveil her. Given that he's a heretic too, somebody at the Lathes must have REALLY screwed up when they set the assignments. Presumably, somewhere, two loyal servants of Mars got sent to the Vapourisation Vats. Vlad's mutation is what the players refer to as 'Godzilla breath'.

Vlad: When it happen I just started throwing up lighting
Digna OoC: Which was a bitch to repair since he had his helmet on at the time.


Skerrit: A Sinophian street urchin and tarot reader, once the servant of a Sinophian noble who used him to spy on his rivals. Poor but pious, Skerrit was lucky. Too lucky. Rumours started that he was a witch, and since even the suspicion that his master was harbouring a psyker could be disastrous, his lordship staged a prominent execution - using him as bait for the North End Monster. What actually happened is that Skerrit found himself the slave of the lord's underworld colleague, and his life infinitely worse. Only after Skerrit admitted that the God-Emperor of Man did not care what happened even to the most desperate of his followers did he escape - and his precognitive powers blossomed to their full strength. His other mutation is a long hairless tail, which at least matches the rat-like plague mask he wears.

Archimedes: Another rogue psyker - this time a telepath. His wife was killed in a skirmish between the criminal conspiracy that held him, and one of the equally corrupt private armies of the nobility who wanted him for themselves. He surrounds himself with beautiful women, knowing that they are much more expendable than his wife ever was. On top of his mind-bending abilities, Archimedes enjoys a profitable sideline in addictive substances.

All these heretics have been having headaches, and migraines, and increasing nightmarish visions of a figure wreathed in black flame.

Ominous Vision: BENEATH THE SIGN OF THE SUNDERED WORLD. FIND THE HERSILIAD CODEX. THE KEEPER DIES. FIND THE CODEX, AND THROUGH IT FIND POWER. FIND KNOWLEDGE. FIND REVENGE.

This, quite likely, is Cassius, moving mortals into place as he prepares for his return. No doubt he will trouble their dreams with other psychic sendings whenever the players need more plot hooks, or are being especially obtuse.

Lord-Captain Daniels OOC: I could just imagine Cassius in the warp, big hulking deamon prince, very powerful.....with a tiny headset going 'This is the deamon helpline, how can I help you?'

Like all Black Crusade characters, the PCs are already completely beyond the pale.

GM: You've gone right through insanity and out the other side.

As it happens, one of the players is running a Dark Heresy game set on the same planet - so he knows the module I'll be cribbing from.

GM: So I trust you'll keep your player knowledge and character knowledge separate?
Eniek's player: .......*looks away* ...yes
All: Laughter ensues.
Eniek's player: I put all my points into knowledge skills and implants - if I do get player knowledge mixed up with character knowledge, that'll be my excuse.

Either way, they figure out what the Sundered World reference is - it's one of the major arcana of the Emperor's Tarot, and there's an establishment called the Turning Hand that once catered to off-world visitors, back when Sinophia still got them, and that is decorated with hanging brass versions of each card. Skerrit occasionally does readings for the handful of customers it still gets.

GM: Yes, you're meeting in a tavern.
Vlad-9's player: But a SPACE tavern.
Digna's player: At least it's not a cantina so there is no jizz being poured in our ears.

GM: The Hand is nearly empty, apart from a few customers, servitors, an offworlder at the table under the Sundered World card, and a mysterious hooded stranger in one corner impatiently waiting for another group of PCs.

The offworlder is Lord-Captain Daniels, who has been amusing himself by drinking the bar dry, building a model hive city from them, and playing a tune on them with the butt of his bolt pistol - while his other pistol, under the table, is trained on the tech-priests approaching him. Digna's activities have been causing some comment around the city, especially among the few that recognise her Collegia Extremis insignia.

NPC: Hey Joe you have some knowledge skill, what's that symbol mean.....oh....Joe's run off

GM: Actually, none of them seemed to recognise you, per se. They were more alarmed by your friend walking in with the rifle. Not that Master Thall had many customers tonight. Or this century, really.

A conversation (in Binary Cant) between the two AdMech.

Digna: My interrogation methods include my Medicae Mechadendrite. As you learned when I interrogated you, Subject Eniek-AC7^2
Eniek: *shrug* I gave you pointers.
Digna: Why are you here?
Eniek: I received a message from a legitimate source.
Digna: The kind of source that gets more illegitimate the more I torture you?
Eniek: Please don't, I only just got my kidney back in the right place

Digna's circling Pict-skull reports the approach of the other PCs and the bar's amiably absent-minded Master Thall.

Digna OoC: Picture-in-picture view, gotta love it

Master Thall: We don't get many of your lot in here, Reverends. What can I get you?
Digna: Chairs. Ensure they are well reinforced.
Eniek: And a high-chair for this one. *gesturing at the rat-masked Skerrit*
Digna's player: Sorry, dude - five minutes in-
GM: And we're already shitting on THIS character too.

Lord-Captain Daniels OoC: Nobody returns a book late to a space marine Librarian
Hypothetical librarian: Please wait while I perform a personal augury to see if you will be returning it *30 minutes rolls by*

Archimedes introducing themselves causes some confusion from the captain's player.

Archimedes: I am Archimedes. I sit.
Lord-Captain Daniels OoC: Did you just say in-character 'I Sit'?
Digna's Player: Are you the kind of person who narrates his own life? 'I go!' 'I come back!'

Regarding that mysterious psychic message, which the hereteks received as unsourced messages from inside their own cortical implants.

GM: They even came with animated GIFs.
Digna: I hate scrap code. How did that even get in there, that's an output-only port!
Vlad-9: That's what she said

Skerrit: I check the bottles.
Lord-Captain Daniels: They're empty, I saw to that earlier

Since discussing heresy out in the open is probably a bad idea, they retire to one of the private rooms.

GM: Discuss among yourselves
All: *Silence*
GM: Well this is a group of heretics - such paranoia is entirely apt.

Eventually someone admits they got the vision about the book (Skerrit had already figured this out with an augury while doing a tarot reading for Vlad) and everybody relaxes slightly.

Digna: For such a message to appear in my cortex suggests the source to be the Warp.
GM: Maybe its a really small xenos.

After discussion, the locals suggest a number of Sinophian nobility and one eccentric loan shark as bibliophiles. Perhaps one of them is this 'keeper' of the Hersiliad Codex? Hersilia itself, Digna knows, was a planet discovered during the Angevin Crusade, that had the entire human population exterminated, was renamed and resettled, and expunged from the record. That's all she knows - poking around in the Black Datastacks after something the authorities wanted expunged wouldn't have looked good. They decide to target the loan shark first - kidnapping and interrogating some of his staff about any especially mysterious books.

Digna: The streetrat can tail someone
Skerrit: They can't even see that, its in my pants
All: *laughter*

Eniek: What's the book keepers name?
GM: Sigmun Barnfarter
All: *silence followed by laughter*
GM: BarnfahRER

GM: It's said he's quite approachable - if you need money.

Digna: Soylent Pink is heretical.
GM: Pink is not a grimdark-enough colour

Archimedes uses his telepathic powers silently and is in heavy concentration - the pirate doesn't know.

Lord-Captain Daniels: He looks constipated, I hope he's OK

A maid gets interrogated.

Maid: Please lord I have 2 children!
Digna: What age?
Maid: 11 and 7
Digna: Good, old enough to fend for themselves

This does at least terrify her enough to ensure she spills everything she knows, which isn't much. But in return for tactical info she gets a free lung-scrubbing, some precancerous tumours removed, cosmetic surgery and the suggestion she find a new boss. Right now.

Lord-Captain Daniels OoC: Come for the interrogation, stay for the boob job.

On the nature of human life :

Digna: A complex mixture of compounds that happens to sustain an intellect.

Further interviews (and telepathic interrogation) with some of the Loanfather's leg-breakers and steward reveals that he isn't the Keeper - but one Regimius, recently deceased, probably is, and the Loanfather has arranged a team of thieves to go raid the place the next night. Regimius' heir is currently trying to restore the reputation of the Sinophian PDF, said some things regarding this that irritated the rest of the nobility, and his father's creditors have descended en mass as a result.

But rather than befriend this potential ally, the group decides to just wait until the team of thieves have the book, and mug them for it.

The rest of the group wait until they're already inside then move into the empty townhouse they'll be using as an exit. Skerrit follows the GM's advice and hides on the Regimius' roof, and nearly gets spotted as a result.

Digna's Player: He used to GM Call of Cthulhu
GM: He's got a point. Just because I suggest something, doesn't mean it's in any way a GOOD idea.

Carnage ensues. One of the thieves even gets entangled in Eniek's servo arm as it's retracting after decapitating and dismembering two others.

Eniek: Excuse me while I remove this femur from my armpit.

The Hersiliad Codex is indeed among the bagfuls of books. So is something else - a case resembling a data-slate, locked and leather-bound. It tickles Skerrit's psyniscience.

GM: Do you open it?
Skerrit OoC: You run Cthulhu games, I'm not opening the book!

The enforcers have been attracted by all the screaming. Eniek and Digna just bluff their way out, relying on the enforcer's reluctance to get involved in apparent Adeptus business, while the rest of the PCs leave across the rooftops.

Eniek OoC: And we'll leave the enforcers to clean up the mess.

 

"NO NO NO. I speak Orcish natively, and what you have mistranslated as 'big prick' is actually a COMPLEMENT, not an insult."

Titania: I'm not crazy about fire. Things haven't gone well for us since you people invented it.
 
Lucius Alexander
 
The palindromedary notes that Troll are vulnerable to fire.

The shadowrunners were an ork/troll group. Against stereotype, they specialized in stealth, subtlety, bluff, illusion, deception and misdirection.
 
Dent: ork, rat shaman
No-Step: ork, snake shaman, healer
Byte Force: ork, decker, chemist
Eye Spy: ork, rigger, drones, paramedic
Audacity Jane: ork, combat, stealth, security systems
Happy Jack: troll, combat, disguise, negotiator
Euphoria (NPC): an A-list simsense star
Robert Carrone (NPC): Euphoria's manager; hired the team to find/retrieve Euphoria
Craft (NPC): an insane magick user; Euphoria's captor
simsense: a virtual reality entertainment where the viewer experiences the sensations the actor/actress experiences
 
Euphoria, part 5 - Buggered
This was the same module previously described by Drhoz (here).
 
Robert Carrone demanded an update on the team's search for, so a summary was provided (carefully edited to sound believable):
Euphoria was abducted by a man named Craft.
Craft was Vincent Burroughs' business partner, and the source of Amber Gel.
Craft was an awakened magick user, but followed a tradition that the team had never encountered before.
Craft could summon spirits of a type the team had never encountered before.
Craft had killed Vincent Burroughs, using a summoned spirit to do the deed.
Euphoria was probably being held at Craft's production facility; the team had the address.
The facility was guarded by spirits and paranormal awakened creatures; the type, numbers and capabilities were unknown.
Craft was insane and obsessed with Euphoria.
 
Surprisingly, Robert Carrone was satisfied with the report. Even more surprising, he considered that the team had fulfilled the agreement to "locate Euphoria". Best of all, he was prepared to offer an even larger sum of money to break into the facility and retrieve her.
 
MegaMedia also loaned the team mil-spec heavy weapons and armor for the mission.
 
Byte Force: "I guess they expect us to charge in there, guns-blazing."
Dent: "They don't know us very well."
Audacity Jane: "I'm glad it's available. I want heavy firepower in reserve when, not 'if', we lose the element of surprise."
Eye Spy: "This really has you worried. Don't you think you can drop the guards before they spot you?"
Audacity Jane: "They're a bunch of ants. Ants. Hive mind. I'm expecting to lose surprise when I drop them."
Happy Jack: "Check all the loaner gear for booby-traps. Shaped charges inside the armor, tasers in the electronics ... I don't want to be surprised when MegaMedia tries to kill us."
Dent: "When?"
Happy Jack: "Ellery arranged the meeting between Carrone and me, as they demanded, then they killed him anyway. I'm expecting them to do the same to us, regardless of whether we succeed or fail."
 
Thanks to Craft's spirits, sneaking in was more complicated than usual.
 
Audacity Jane: "I don't like spirits as guards. It's hard to sneak past a guard that you can't even see."
Dent: "We can summon city spirits to conceal you while you sneak in. If you are spotted, they can also defend you."
Audacity Jane: "If we're spotted, have them attack the bug spirits instead."
No-Step: "You don't want them protecting you?"
Audacity Jane: "I would rather have them drawing attention away from me."
Dent: "We can also send in swarms of Watcher spirits."
No-Step: "No. Watchers aren't very bright. They can only follow extremely simple instructions."
Dent: "Simple instructions like, 'On my command, go into that building and kill bug spirits.'"
No-Step stared at Dent.
Dent (ooc): I program computers for a living. I'm accustomed to giving simple instructions to really stupid machines.
No-Step: "Our spirits are going to be outnumbered. They won't last long."
Dent: "They can kill all they want. We'll summon more."
 
What does a decker do when there's no network?
 
Byte Force: "Craft has no computer network in his lair. There's not much for me to do."
Happy Jack: "We need you to keep an eye on MegaMedia. They're going to betray us."
Byte Force: "You want to know when the inevitable betrayal happens."
Happy Jack: "I want you to make sure it fails. No pressure."
 
The infiltration worked better than expected. The city spirits prevented the bug spirits from detecting Audacity Jane and Happy Jack.
 
Audacity Jane: (peering through her spy scope into the next room) "I think we found our target. There's dozens of pods in here. Euphoria's probably in the big one in the corner, but there's no way to be sure."
Happy Jack: "Let me guess ... lots of bugs?"
Audacity Jane: "Lots ... but I see one thing that's not connected to the bugs' hive mind."
Happy Jack: "What's that?"
Audacity Jane pulled out her silenced narcojet pistol, eased the door open a couple inches, and fired several darts in rapid succession.
Audacity Jane: "Craft."
 
With Craft down, the spirits and drones were able create a diversion ... by launching a full frontal assault. Down in the basement Audacity Jane's targeted bursts dropped the possessed/mutated ant-human hybrids one after another. Happy Jack's insecticide-coated naginata carved through hybrids and materialized ant-spirits with equal ease.
 
Which meant it was time for the other shoe to drop....
 
Byte Force: "A full company of Knight Errant troopers just rolled up. They're supposed to go in and complete the mission if we fail."
Eye Spy: "What will they do if we succeed?"
Byte Force: "I am desperately trying to find the answer to that question."
 
A couple minutes later, Byte Force had his answer....
 
Byte Force: "The good news is, killing us is not part of their primary or secondary mission parameters." (pause) "The bad news is, their contract contains an optional clause to kill us if Robert Carrone requests it."
Eye Spy: "He's going to exercise the option."
Byte Force: "That's the really bad news. That option costs MegaMedia less than paying us."
 
It was time to call the Knight Errant captain on a private line and make a deal.
 
Happy Jack: (cutting in on the captain's private line) "Good evening, Captain. I would like to offer you some assistance with your contract with MegaMedia."
Knight Errant captain: "Who are you, and how did you get on this line?"
Happy Jack: "I'm part of the team that's rescuing Euphoria."
Knight Errant captain: "I'll pretend I know what you're talking about. What do you want? And why would I need your help?"
Happy Jack: "At this point you can fulfill all of your mission parameters and get paid with absolutely no effort and no casualties. All you have to do is convince Robert Carrone to pay us and let us leave unharmed."
Knight Errant captain: "And if he isn't easily convinced?"
Happy Jack: "You have lost strategic and tactical surprise. We haven't. I'm sure you can guess what kind of unpleasant surprises we have put in place just in case we're betrayed."
Knight Errant captain: "Like what?"
Happy Jack: "You seem unclear on the concept of a 'surprise'. Surprises are the things you don't get told about."
Knight Errant captain: "..."
Happy Jack: "So ... would you prefer to work with us and collect an easy paycheck, or work against us and lose most of your profit?"
 
And then it was time for final details. While the team generally preferred non-lethal solutions, for some opponents they made exceptions....
 
Happy Jack: (looking at the darts sticking out of Craft's chest) "Three narcojet rounds. That's a lethal dose, right?"
Audacity Jane: "I certainly intended it to be."
Happy Jack: "We should probably check to be sure he's dead."
Audacity Jane reached down, slashed Craft's throat nearly to the spine, then looked at the result clinically.
Audacity Jane: "I'm not seeing any arterial spray."
Happy Jack: "Me either. Definitely dead."

The shadowrunners were an ork/troll group. Against stereotype, they specialized in stealth, subtlety, bluff, illusion, deception and misdirection.
 
Dent: ork, rat shaman
No-Step: ork, snake shaman, healer
Byte Force: ork, decker, chemist
Eye Spy: ork, rigger, drones, paramedic
Audacity Jane: ork, combat, stealth, security systems
Happy Jack: troll, combat, disguise, negotiator
Euphoria (NPC): an A-list simsense star
Robert Carrone (NPC): Euphoria's manager
simsense: a virtual reality entertainment where the viewer experiences the sensations the actor/actress experiences
 
Euphoria, part 4 - The disappearing-reappearing-disappearing simsense star
This was the same module previously described by Drhoz (here).
 
Robert Carrone, Euphoria's manager, needed the team's help finding Euphoria ... who had been abducted from her apartment again. This time far more violently than the team's abduction.
 
A search of the apartment turned up some clues. Euphoria's security guards had been killed by something that ripped, clawed and tore them apart. The attackers had gained access to the penthouse either by air or by scaling the exterior of the building. The paydirt was a partial simsense recording of the attack.
 
Most of the attackers couldn't be clearly seen. They were definitely not humans/metahumans of any sort, however. The two abductors who could be clearly seen were two smelly and unkempt humans. The talkative one said he'd been sent by Burroughs.
 
Two days earlier, Robert Carrone of MegaMedia had a falling out with Vincent Burroughs of Strice Foods. Coincidence?
 
Watcher spirits were unable to find Euphoria. Dent's ritual magick didn't work either (which strongly suggested she was already dead). Therefore, Burroughs was the most promising lead.
 
Audacity Jane: "I can grab Burroughs while he's heading home from work."
Happy Jack: "I don't want to wait that long. I'll disguise myself as that troll detective we met before. I'm going to take Burroughs into custody as an accomplice to a multiple homicide."
Audacity Jane: "You won't be able to maintain that ruse for long."
Happy Jack: "I just need to make it last until we're out of the building."
 
Happy Jack (disguised as a Lone Star detective), No-Step and Audacity Jane (disguised as uniformed Lone Star officers ... it makes sense; automatic good cop/bad cop) went to see Vincent Burroughs.
 
Secretary: "As much as we'd like to assist Lone Star, I'm afraid Mr. Burroughs is too busy to see you today. Perhaps you would like to call back later and make an appointment?"
Audacity Jane: "Perhaps you would like to buzz us into his office before I arrest you for obstructing a homicide investigation?"
The three gained entered into Burroughs' office, interrupting Mr. Burroughs.
Happy Jack: "Watch this simsense clip. It's a few seconds long. Afterwards, you're going to answer my questions about it."
Vincent Burroughs watched the clip -- Euphoria's abductor monologuing ... and implicating Burroughs as his boss.
Vincent Burroughs: (pale, shaken and blustering) "I'm not answering any questions. I want my lawyer."
Happy Jack: "Your lawyer can meet us at the precinct."
A man-sized ant suddenly materialized and attacked Burroughs. The three team members destroyed it, but not before it killed Burroughs.
No-Step: "That was some kind of spirit ... somewhat similar to an elemental or nature spirit."
Audacity Jane: "You've never mentioned bug spirits before."
No-Step: "Until ... oh ... 20 seconds ago I didn't know they existed."
 
The shell-shocked secretary became much more helpful. The man on the simsense was named Craft. He was Burroughs' partner. He manufactured the Amber Gel. She had the address of the production facility ... and the address listed for Craft's pay to be sent to.
 
Happy Jack: (to the security guards who just arrived) "The crime scene investigators are on their way. Keep this door closed and everybody out until they arrive. If anyone enters that room, I am going to charge everyone involved with tampering with evidence."
Security Guard: "But ... isn't it their job" (gesturing at the uniformed No-Step and Audacity Jane) "to secure the crime scene?"
Happy Jack: (yelling at the security guard) "DO I LOOK LIKE A 'BY THE BOOK' KIND OF DETECTIVE TO YOU?"
 
Craft's home address was a magic shop. The front door was guarded by Craft's human accomplice who we had previously seen in the simsense recording.
 
No-Step: "He's not human. Well ... he is, but there's a man-sized ant spirit superimposed over him in the astral."
Dent: "Yeah." (pause) "Maybe he's possessed by the ant spirit."
Happy Jack: "So what happens if you send a couple city spirits to kill the bug and leave the person alive?"
Dent: (snickering) "He'll be dispossessed."
Eye Spy: "Will he be back to normal?"
No-Step: "Um ... we'll tell you in a couple minutes."
 
If spirits could squish, then the ant spirit would have been thoroughly squashed. The person appeared catatonic though.
 
Dent: (doing a Mind Probe) "The lights are on, but noooobody's home."
No-Step: "That makes two of you."
Eye Spy: "Maybe he started out brain-dead."
No-Step: "Dent certainly did."
 
The possessee may have started out human, but he was not entirely human any longer. He had compound eyes, and patches of his skin had turned into chitin.
 
Dent: "So the possession turns them into those paracritters that you were talking about."
No-Step: "That's like a combination of The Pod People and The Fly."
Eye Spy: "I just want everybody to know that I am officially creeped out now."
 
The magic shop looked like it hadn't been open for a while. The living quarters downstairs, however....
 
Byte Force: "This is even worse than the rathole apartment we were supposed to hold Euphoria in. What is that smell?"
Audacity Jane: "Dried blood. Lots of it."
Happy Jack: "I like how you know that without even having to pause and think about it."
 
The dried blood was in the bedroom. Hundreds of posters and pictures of Euphoria covered the walls. Many had spatters of dried blood on them. Most of the dried blood was on the bed and the floor.
 
Dent: "So she's already dead?"
Audacity Jane: "This blood isn't hers. It's dry. If she'd lost all this blood, a lot of it would still be wet." (pause) "I think this blood belongs to more than one victim. That kind of mattress can soak up a lot of blood."
Byte Force: "And how do you know that?"
Audacity Jane: "Professional necessity. It's a dead giveaway when the dead guy's blood start's leaking into the apartment below."
 
Craft's closet also held replicas of every costume Euphoria had ever worn in her simsense roles. There was also a rack of women's wigs. Many of the outfits and wigs had blood stains on them.
 
No-Step: "Craft must be a serial killer. I suspect he brings women here, probably prostitutes, dresses them up like Euphoria, then kills them on the bed."
Eye Spy: "Okay, that's even creepier than getting possessed by bug spirits and turning into a bug-creature."
Happy Jack: "I noticed something that's going to creep you out even more."
Eye Spy: "Please don't tell me."
Dent: "What's even creepier than that?"
Happy Jack: "There's only one bed in here. There's no sofa, no futon, no easy-chair, no mat on the floor. Just the bloodstained bed." (long pause) "Guess where Craft sleeps."
Eye Spy: (plugging her ears) "Lalalalalalala."

The shadowrunners were an ork/troll group. Against stereotype, they specialized in stealth, subtlety, bluff, illusion, deception and misdirection.
 
Dent: ork, rat shaman
No-Step: ork, snake shaman, healer
Byte Force: ork, decker, chemist
Eye Spy: ork, rigger, drones, paramedic
Audacity Jane: ork, combat, stealth, security systems
Happy Jack: troll, combat, disguise, negotiator
Goldi (NPC): the local Director of Tourism ... and secretly Baron Munchmaussen's Chief of Intelligence
 
The Adventures of Baron Munchmaussen - Learning the Lay of the Land
This was the same adventure previously described by Drhoz (here and here).
 
The team had been hired to steal a rare book from Baron Munchmaussen.
 
Upon arriving at the village, the train was met by the local Director of Tourism. She immediately started pumping the team for information. Happy Jack (expecting more use of the Analyze Truth spell) defused the questions in his normal manner ... he gave answers that were true, but contained no useful information.
 
Goldi: "What do you do for a living?"
Happy Jack: "I'm a negotiator. I ensure my clients get the best possible prices for their goods and services while paying the lowest possible prices to their suppliers."
Goldi: "I didn't realize that there were people who did that."
Happy Jack: "Of course there are. Do you know the hard part about hiring a negotiator?"
Goldi: "What?"
Happy Jack: "You have to negotiate his salary without the benefit of his expertise."
 
Jack also asked lots of questions.
 
Happy Jack: (seeing the castle for the first time) "The castle looks like a Disney castle."
Goldi: (drily) "I suppose it does."
Happy Jack: "Did the Baron build it to look like a Disney castle?"
 
Jack and Goldi chatted non-stop until she dropped them off at their hostel.
 
Byte Force: (quietly, before they entered the hostel) "You're being very friendly with the local [air quotes] tour guide. You even got her phone number."
Happy Jack: "I'm not being friendly. I'm being 'that guy.' The ignorant tourist who's completely in love with the sound of his own voice. By the time our trip is over, I want her to dread seeing me or hearing from me."
Dent: "Just act like you normally do. I feel that way about you already."
 
Byte Force rigged the camera in the hostel room so it showed a video loop of the team taking a nap. With that cover in place, the team unpacked the gear that Ms. Johnson sent. Obviously, they had some critiques.
 
Happy Jack: "For snowsuits we have a choice of dark blue, dark green and dark brown. Is she completely unfamiliar with the concept of camouflage?"
Byte Force: "Those colors blend in very well at night."
Audacity Jane: "Not against snow."
 
Eye Spy: "Six pairs of low-light goggles. Useless. Is there anyone here that can't already see in the dark?"
 
Byte Force: "There's no crypto-circuit or scrambling on the micro-transceivers. If we use these, we'll be broadcasting everything we say to the local security."
No-Step: "You're sure they're monitoring every radio channel?"
Byte Force: "They have spy cams in every room, so I'm going to assume they are."
 
Eye Spy: "No vehicles. No drones. Lovely. There's absolutely nothing for me to do on this mission."
Happy Jack: (handing Eye Spy the missile launcher) "You use heavy weapons. You're 'Plan C'."
Eye Spy: "Normally the weapons are mounted on vehicles."
Dent: "I can steal a car and a roll of duct tape."
 
The team's first stroll through the village was interrupted by an explosion overhead ... as a SAM fired from the castle blew up a drone.
 
Villager: (explaining the noise) "Every week, Graf Eisenstein sends a spy drone, and Graf Munchmaussen always shoots it down. Our Baron is paranoid about the skies."
Eye Spy: "And apparently they can both afford to blow up a few thousand nuyen each week, just to make a point."
 
Planning in a heavily monitored environment became its own challenge.
 
Audacity Jane: "When and how are we going to do our planning? We're going to be watched anyplace we go in town."
Byte Force: "We could use the snowshoes and go for a hike in the woods. I saw no evidence that the woods are monitored."
No-Step: (staring at Byte Force) "Did you actually suggest that we go outside and take a walk? In nature?"
Byte Force: "Yes ... but only out of desperation."
 
Securing communications posed an even bigger problem.
 
Happy Jack: "I keep telling you, I shouldn't be the only person with an internal commlink. If just one other person had one, we could have a secure line of communication."
Byte Force: "I should be able to wire a micro-transceiver to my cyberdeck. That will allow me to run it through an encryption program. That way the two of us can talk to each other securely."
Dent: "No-Step and I can use watcher spirits to send messages to each other."
No-Step: "We'll have to be careful about that. If a spirit shows up at the wrong time, we'll blow each other's cover."
 
Happy Jack: "We can pass some messages using code words."
Dent: "Aren't you the one who claims those are only used by amateurs?"
Happy Jack: "That's because they use code words that sound like code words. Real code words sound innocuous."
 
Happy Jack: "If we absolutely need to send a message in the open, Eye Spy, Byte Force, Jane and I can use these linguasofts. They may eventually figure out what we've said, but it will buy us some time."
Audacity Jane: "These linguasofts make us speak in code?"
Happy Jack: "No. They allow us to speak Tagalog ... and on this side of the world, that might as well be in code."
 
Happy Jack planned to seduce one of the ork servants working for the Baron, then drug her, allowing Dent to Mind Probe her for details about the castle. Dent remained skeptical of the plan.
 
Dent: "What makes you think you can seduce anyone? Last time I looked, you were really ugly."
No-Step: "You're forgetting something. Jack was also really ugly the first time you looked. He's very consistent that way."
Happy Jack: "I have two secret weapons. First, the Baron keeps detailed files on each of his employees. Not only do they tell me which servants are security risks, but they also describe their personal weaknesses."
Dent: "So you can find someone who's easy. Big deal. There's a difference between 'easy' and 'blind'."
Happy Jack: "And I also got some new bioware last month ... cultured tailored pheremones."
 
Dent's Mind Probe, combined with the castle's security camera footage, provided an excellent map of the castle's interior. Unfortunately, Goldi realized that Happy Jack had spent the night with a castle servant ... which made the Baron's spy very suspicious.
 
Happy Jack, noticing Goldi's interest in him, decided to defuse her interest in him.
 
Happy Jack: "Goldi! I'm on my way to the bierhall. Come have a drink with me!"
 
Goldi, being a skilled operative, joined Jack and dropped subtle hints that she might have information about the castle. Happy Jack chose to deflect her subtlety with complete and unmitigated obtuseness.
 
Goldi: "The castle isn't open to visitors, but I go there once a week to meet with some of the bureaucrats."
Happy Jack: "Is there a dragon in the castle?"
Goldi: "A dragon? Why would there be a dragon in the castle?"
Happy Jack: "Well, if the Baron lived in a castle -and- rode a dragon, that would make him the most AWESOME troll ever."
Goldi: "..."
Happy Jack: "Do they sell dragons around here?"
 
After the trip to the bierhall had ended...
 
Audacity Jane: "You just spent all afternoon drinking and BSing with a spy. Do you think you actually accomplished anything?"
Happy Jack: "I think I achieved my goal, and kept Goldi from achieving hers."
Audacity Jane: "Her goal was to get you to say something incriminating."
Happy Jack: "Not quite. Her goal was to get me drunk enough that I would slip up and say something incriminating."
Audacity Jane: "You have the same full-spectrum immunization that I do. You can't get drunk."
Happy Jack: "I may have neglected to mention that to her."
Audacity Jane: "What were you trying to accomplish?"
Happy Jack: "I was trying to convince her to keep up with me, beer for beer."
Audacity Jane: "She couldn't be that stupid."
Happy Jack: "Not quite. She started out having one beer to every four of mine, then one for every three."
Audacity Jane: "How long did that last?"
Happy Jack: "Until she passed out. She's going to have one hell of a hangover tomorrow."

The shadowrunners were an ork/troll group. Against stereotype, they specialized in stealth, subtlety, bluff, illusion, deception and misdirection.
 
Dent: ork, rat shaman
No-Step: ork, snake shaman, healer
Byte Force: ork, decker, chemist
Eye Spy: ork, rigger, drones, paramedic
Audacity Jane: ork, combat, stealth, security systems
Happy Jack / Jonathan Bridges: troll, combat, disguise, negotiator
Mr. Johnson: the name used by/for anonymous individuals hiring shadowrunners
 
The Adventures of Baron Munchmaussen - Getting There is Half the Fun
This was the same adventure previously described by Drhoz (here and here).
 
Unlike Drhoz's team, this team of shadowrunners was not hired by a dragon. (At least not directly. With dragons you never know.) Instead, they were hired by a normal Ms. Johnson in Seattle, and flown to Germany on a sub-orbital. From there, they took a train to the village of Schloss Munchmaussen. They were to break into the medieval castle overlooking the village, home to Baron Munchmaussen, an elderly troll. Once inside, they were to steal a rare book and leave a metal briefcase in its place.
 
Eye Spy: "Wait ... his name is actually Baron Munchausen?"
Dent: "He's a hypochondriac."
No-Step: "All the stories about him are greatly exaggerated."
 
Ms. Johnson made the travel arrangements ... and the arrangements for equipment to be provided upon the team's arrival.
 
Byte Force: "I'm taking my cyberdeck with me. I'm not trusting Mr. Johnson to give me a decent deck with useful software."
Eye Spy: "Isn't customs going to confiscate your cyberdeck? It's illegal."
Byte Force: "A legal cyberdeck has matrix identifiers. An illegal cyberdeck doesn't. My cyberdeck is a custom job. I can change it from a legal deck to an illegal deck by flipping a switch."
Eye Spy: "What if they look at the programs?"
Byte Force: "They're not going to recognize anything. I wrote them myself."
Dent: "Byte Force doesn't believe in documenting his software."
Byte Force: "It's called 'code' for a reason."
 
Byte Force did some recon through the Matrix prior to the trip.
 
Byte Force: "Baron Munchaussen is a paranoid, not a hypochondriac. The castle is covered in security cameras. There are cameras in all of the hotel rooms. It looks like there are even cameras in all of the private houses."
No-Step: "The walls have ears."
Dent: "The toilets and showers have eyes."
 
Byte Force: "Jack, I found the personnel files for the castle. You might want to look at the Director of Tourism first."
Happy Jack: "Is he an ork or troll?"
Byte Force: "No. She's the Baron's chief of intelligence. She's also a mage."
Audacity Jane: (laughing) "I think I like the Baron. He thinks like me."
 
Byte Force: "I can't quite figure out the castle interior from the camera angles. I could really use some humint."
Happy Jack: "I'll see what I can do. Send me the personnel files for any female orks and trolls on the Baron's staff."
Dent: "The females? Are No-Step and you going in drag?"
Happy Jack: "No. I'm planning on seducing one of the servants, then you can read her mind."
Dent: "..."
Happy Jack: "And I would really prefer to seduce one of the women."
 
Security on flights is a bit different in the Awakened World of 2051. Cyberware can't be confiscated for the duration of the flight. Therefore, passengers with dangerous forms of cyberware are required to wear cyberware restraint cuffs - CRCs. (This assumes that security detects and properly identifies the cyberware.) If the dangerous cyberwear is activated, the cuff applies a taser charge to the wearer. (Nastier versions contain an explosive charge instead.)
 
Eye Spy's player is the most pessimistic gamer I've ever met. She's perpetually convinced that a total party kill is going to happen in the near future.
 
Eye Spy: (while waiting for the flight) "Something terrible is going to happen on this flight, and we're all going to die. The flight is going to crash, or we'll be shot down by a missile, or something. I'm not sure what yet. But just watch."
Happy Jack: "For once, I think you're right to be concerned."
Eye Spy: "You're actually agreeing with me?"
Happy Jack: "Not completely, but we're going into a situation where we lack the ability to respond to a crisis. You can't fly a semi-balistic vehicle. You don't have your drones with you. We don't have weapons. For part of the flight, magick won't work. Accessing the Matrix won't accomplish much. Jane is good at unarmed combat, but she's wearing CRCs."
Audacity Jane: "And part of the flight will be zero-G. It's extremely difficult to fight in that environment unless you have training and experience. I don't."
Eye Spy: "Oh @#$%! This time, we really are all going to die."
 
Hijack - We Should have Seen This Coming (Actually ... We Did)
The hijack started when someone set off a smoke bomb, filling the entire cabin with smoke. Happy Jack grabbed a fire extinguisher, using his spare hand to brace against the ceiling of the cabin (preventing problems with zero-G).
 
Happy Jack: "I don't see any fire."
Audacity Jane: "But there are three of them ... headed this way."
Happy Jack: (cheerfully) "I have a fire extinguisher."
Byte Force: "Are you using that as a rocket?"
Happy Jack: "No. I'm using it as a club."
 
Dent: "They have cyberspurs. How come their CRCs aren't shocking them?"
Happy Jack: "I would complain that they're cheating somehow, but we cheat all the time."
 
The hijackers appeared to be as inexperienced at zero-G combat as the team was. That gave Happy Jack (fully braced) a tremendous advantage. His long arms and "club" gave him an additional reach advantage.
 
Eye Spy: (watching Jack smack the three hijackers around) "Sometimes I forget that you're almost as dangerous as Jane."
 
In the zero-G environment, Jack was able to smack the hijackers flying into the cabin wall for even more damage.
 
Dent (ooc): I'm having flashbacks to Champions.
Happy Jack (ooc): Nah. For Champions I'd need at least six more dice.
 
After the flight, the polizei wanted to interview Happy Jack, due to his pivotal role in thwarting the hijacking. The polizei seemed suspicious of Happy Jack. To complicate matters, Jack got the distinct impression that a polizei mage was using an Analyze Truth spell during the interview.
 
Polizist: "You must be very brave."
Happy Jack: "Not really. Just looking out for myself. If they crashed the sub-orbital, we would all die."
Polizist: "How did you manage to defeat three hijackers all by yourself?"
Happy Jack: "I'm a troll."
Polizist: (long pause) "You were unarmed, against three armed men. Jah?"
Happy Jack: (shrugging) "I had a fire extinguisher."
Polizist: "What made you decide to pick up a fire extinguisher?"
Happy Jack: "The cabin was full of smoke."
Polizist: "How could you tell the hijackers apart from the other passengers?"
Happy Jack: "They were heading for the cockpit, and they had cyberspurs out."
Polizist: "How could you see that, when the cabin was full of smoke?"
Happy Jack: "I'm a troll. I have thermographic vision."
 
The polizei eventually decided that they weren't going to catch Jack in a lie (and the flight attendent insisted he was a hero), so they let him go catch the train with the rest of the team.
 
Each time the train crossed from one petty German kingdom to the next, the passengers had to deal with customs officials and security forces. Finally, in one of the kingdoms, the "security forces" were indistinguishable from organized crime extortionists. They were even shooting their guns in order to intimidate the passengers into paying.
 
Audacity Jane: "Amateurs."
Happy Jack: "Leave the amateurs alone. I would rather pay a reasonable bribe to some amateurs, rather than prove to everyone that we're not."
 
Unfortunately, one of the bandits decided that he wanted Byte Force's cyberdeck.
 
Bandit #1: (in a Bavarian-German dialect) "Give me that."
Happy Jack: "You want what? Oh! You want money. Geld. Geld? Jah, jah?"
Jack stood up, pulled out the team's biggest, heaviest carry-on down from the rack and shoved it into Bandit #1's arms, nearly causing him to drop his gun.
No-Step's watcher spirit: (suddenly appearing behind the bandits) "DROP YOUR WEAPONS. I KILL YOU."
The bandits spun around. One fired a burst (harmlessly) through the watcher spirit. Happy Jack pulled the hardest carry-on off the rack and smashed it down on Bandit #1's head. Simultaneously, Audacity Jane stood up behind Bandit #2, pulled Bandit #2's sidearm from its holster, then used it to shoot Bandit #2 and Bandit #3 in the head.
Audacity Jane: "This car's clear."
Dent: "You should have let me cast a Silence spell. The gunfire will attract the ones in the rest of the train."
Audacity Jane: "These amateurs keep shooting their own guns in order to intimidate people. As long as I space my shots out, they aren't going to realize that I'm shooting their guns instead."
 
A second group of armed men showed up and started attacking the group extorting the passengers.
 
Audacity Jane: (as the team ducked down to avoid being struck by stray rounds) "This is very convenient."
Eye Spy: "What part of this do you find convenient?"
Happy Jack: "We no longer have to explain how these three men ended up dead."

The shadowrunners were an ork/troll group. Against stereotype, they specialized in stealth, subtlety, bluff, illusion, deception and misdirection.
 
Dent: ork, rat shaman
No-Step: ork, snake shaman, healer
Byte Force: ork, decker, chemist
Eye Spy: ork, rigger, drones, paramedic
Audacity Jane: ork, combat, stealth, security systems
Happy Jack: troll, combat, disguise, negotiator
Goldi (NPC): the local Director of Tourism ... and secretly the Baron's Chief of Intelligence
 
The Adventures of Baron Munchmaussen - A Trip to the Local Library
This was the same adventure previously described by Drhoz (here and here).
 
The team had been hired to steal a rare book from Baron Munchmaussen.
 
Discussing infiltration plans:
Byte Force's ability to spoof security cameras was critical to the plan. However, in order to do it effectively, he would need to coordinate with the team members infiltrating the castle.
 
Byte Force: "I don't think Jack can bluff his way through the tram's security. There are only two trolls in the castle, the Baron and one guard. Neither of them has come down to the village since we arrived."
Audacity Jane: "We really need Jack's headware up there, so we can have secure communication with you."
Dent: "How do you expect to sneak his lard butt around a castle?"
Audacity Jane: "That's easy. You're the one who uses magick. I intend to tell you to figure out a way."
 
Happy Jack: "Even if I'm sneaking into the castle using stealth, I would still like to disguise myself as the Baron, just in case I'm spotted inside."
No-Step: "I'm sure everyone in the castle knows the Baron well. Your disguise won't fool them for long."
Happy Jack: "It should make them hesitate for a few seconds ... and I've seen what Jane can do to someone in just a few seconds."
 
The plan was fairly simple:
Dent would make himself invisible, then ride to the castle on top of the cable car.
Once there, Dent would hide in one of the unused towers until night came.
No-Step would cover for Dent's absence by putting in several appearances as Dent during the afternoon.
Since Goldi was the only person capable of detecting Dent's invisibility or No-Step's illusion, Jack would divert her if it seemed likely that she would encounter either one.
After dark, Dent would secure a rope to the tower crenelation, then lower a rope down the cliff face below.
Using the rope and climbing gear, Jane and Jack would scale the cliff face and the castle wall.
Byte Force would use the security cameras in the castle and main keep to track the movements of the guards.
Byte Force would also selectively use video looping to prevent the cameras from seeing Dent, Jack and Jane.
The infiltration trio would use the grapple gun to scale the outside of the keep, then enter through the window of the library.
If someone was encountered, the infiltration team would use tasers, silenced SMGs, magick and melee to quietly deal with them.
The team would exfiltrate by using the rope down the side of the cliff.
The rope would be destroyed behind them, concealing the method of entry/egress.
If the castle became alerted to the presence of the infiltrators, No-Step and Eye Spy would use illusions and missile fire to distract the castle guards.
 
Happy Jack seemed to enjoy diverting Goldi.
 
Happy Jack: (approaching Goldi as she left her office) "Goldi! Could you help settle a bet I have with one of my friends."
Goldi: (cautiously) "Maybe."
Happy Jack: "Was the hamburger invented in Hamburg?"
Goldi: "No."
Happy Jack: "Are you sure?"
Goldi: "Yes."
Happy Jack: "DAMMIT ... um ... I mean, thanks for the information."
Goldi: "Is that all?"
Happy Jack: "Yes." (pause) "Hey! If you're leaving work, come have a beer or two with me."
Goldi: (turning slightly green) "Actually, I have an important call that I have to make right now."
Goldi quickly retreated back into her office.
 
Later that night, while Jack and Jane were waiting for Dent to lower the rope...
 
Happy Jack: (checking his watch) "It's time for me to convince Goldi we're not worth watching tonight."
Audacity Jane: "How do you plan to do that?"
Happy Jack dialed Goldi's number.
Goldi: "Hallo."
Happy Jack: (slurring his words slightly) "Hi Goldi. Do you know the waitress at the bierhall? The brunette with the two braids?"
Goldi: (sighing) "I know her. Why?"
Happy Jack: "Do you know if she has a fetish for trolls?"
Goldi: (icily) "Probably not."
Happy Jack: "Oh." (long pause) "My friend has a question. Does she have a fetish for orks?"
Goldi: [click]
Happy Jack: "Hello? Hello?"
Audacity Jane: "You have such a way with women."
Happy Jack: "It's a gift."
 
Things went according to plan until the team found the book in the library.
 
Audacity Jane: "This isn't the right book. It's a fake. It doesn't have the engraved cover."
Happy Jack: "He put the fake where thieves would expect to find it. The real one must be secured somewhere else."
Dent: "I know the fastest way to find the real one."
Happy Jack: "And that is...."
Dent: "The Baron's bedroom is just down the hall. I bet he knows where it is."
 
The Baron was a light sleeper ... until he was tasered, koshed and tranqued. He slept more soundly after that.
 
Dent: "The book is on his bedside table."
Audacity Jane: "That was easier to retrieve than I expected."
 
Dent's Mind Probe turned up some other interesting information.
 
Dent: "He didn't get a good look at us when we entered the room, but he thinks we're assassins sent to kill him."
Audacity Jane: "Then he'll be pleasantly surprised when he wakes up tomorrow morning."
 
Dent: "The maglock key around his neck is his secret escape route. There's a helicopter in a room upstairs. He can open the roof, raise a platform, and fly it out of here. We could use the helicopter to fly all the way back to Berlin!"
Audacity Jane: "Great plan ... except half of our team is still down in the valley ... including the pilot."
Happy Jack: "What kind of helicopter is it?"
Dent: "A high-end luxury one. Why?"
Happy Jack: "If it has a good enough autopilot, the helicopter can fly itself out of here. If it does that, everyone is going to assume that we, and the book, are on board."
 
No-Step and Eye Spy returned to Byte Force's room in order to facilitate secure communication between the two halves of the team.
 
Happy Jack: "Eye Spy, the Baron has a Hughes Airstar. If Byte Force gives you a route, can you you tell us how to program the autopilot to follow it?"
Eye Spy: "Of course."
Byte Force: "I don't have a route, though."
Happy Jack: "Find a route from the roof of the Keep to the middle of the Rhine-Ruhr toxic zone. I want the flight to buzz Graf Eisenstein's castle on the way there."
Byte Force: "Okay. Why?"
Happy Jack: "Munchmaussen has been shooting down Eisenstein's drones every week. Graf Eisenstein might want to return the favor with Munchmaussen's helicopter. I'm also fairly certain Munchmaussen won't be given permission to examine the wreckage."
Byte Force: "That's easy enough."
Happy Jack: "And have the route avoid passing over Munchmaussen valley. The Baron's SAM systems may be automated, and I don't want flaming wreckage to land on my head."
Byte Force: "I'll have it in one minute."
Happy Jack: "Eye Spy, we'll need the autopilot to be set on a timed delay. I want to be down in the valley before it goes tearing out of here."
Eye Spy: "Ooookay."
Happy Jack: "No-Step, I need you to cast and maintain an illusion covering the northwest side of the Keep's roof."
No-Step: "An illusion of what?"
Happy Jack: "An illusion of the roof. That's where the helicopter is going to be."
 
The Baron (presumably) woke the next morning to find the book missing, a metal briefcase in its place, the perpetrators gone, and his helicopter long gone.
 
Dent: "After what we did to him, he's going to wake up with the mother of all headaches."
Eye Spy: "Maybe the briefcase was full of Exedrin."

The shadowrunners were an ork/troll group. Against stereotype, they specialized in stealth, subtlety, bluff, illusion, deception and misdirection.
 
Dent: ork, rat shaman
No-Step: ork, snake shaman, healer
Byte Force: ork, decker, chemist
Eye Spy: ork, rigger, drones, paramedic
Audacity Jane: ork, combat, stealth, security systems
Happy Jack: troll, combat, disguise, negotiator
Goldi (NPC): the local Director of Tourism ... and secretly the Baron's Chief of Intelligence
 
The Adventures of Baron Munchmaussen - A Trip to the Local Library
This was the same adventure previously described by Drhoz (here and here).
 
The team had been hired to steal a rare book from Baron Munchmaussen.
 
Discussing infiltration plans:
Byte Force's ability to spoof security cameras was critical to the plan. However, in order to do it effectively, he would need to coordinate with the team members infiltrating the castle.
 
Byte Force: "I don't think Jack can bluff his way through the tram's security. There are only two trolls in the castle, the Baron and one guard. Neither of them has come down to the village since we arrived."
Audacity Jane: "We really need Jack's headware up there, so we can have secure communication with you."
Dent: "How do you expect to sneak his lard butt around a castle?"
Audacity Jane: "That's easy. You're the one who uses magick. I intend to tell you to figure out a way."
 
Happy Jack: "Even if I'm sneaking into the castle using stealth, I would still like to disguise myself as the Baron, just in case I'm spotted inside."
No-Step: "I'm sure everyone in the castle knows the Baron well. Your disguise won't fool them for long."
Happy Jack: "It should make them hesitate for a few seconds ... and I've seen what Jane can do to someone in just a few seconds."
 
The plan was fairly simple:
Dent would make himself invisible, then ride to the castle on top of the cable car.
Once there, Dent would hide in one of the unused towers until night came.
No-Step would cover for Dent's absence by putting in several appearances as Dent during the afternoon.
Since Goldi was the only person capable of detecting Dent's invisibility or No-Step's illusion, Jack would divert her if it seemed likely that she would encounter either one.
After dark, Dent would secure a rope to the tower crenelation, then lower a rope down the cliff face below.
Using the rope and climbing gear, Jane and Jack would scale the cliff face and the castle wall.
Byte Force would use the security cameras in the castle and main keep to track the movements of the guards.
Byte Force would also selectively use video looping to prevent the cameras from seeing Dent, Jack and Jane.
The infiltration trio would use the grapple gun to scale the outside of the keep, then enter through the window of the library.
If someone was encountered, the infiltration team would use tasers, silenced SMGs, magick and melee to quietly deal with them.
The team would exfiltrate by using the rope down the side of the cliff.
The rope would be destroyed behind them, concealing the method of entry/egress.
If the castle became alerted to the presence of the infiltrators, No-Step and Eye Spy would use illusions and missile fire to distract the castle guards.
 
Happy Jack seemed to enjoy diverting Goldi.
 
Happy Jack: (approaching Goldi as she left her office) "Goldi! Could you help settle a bet I have with one of my friends."
Goldi: (cautiously) "Maybe."
Happy Jack: "Was the hamburger invented in Hamburg?"
Goldi: "No."
Happy Jack: "Are you sure?"
Goldi: "Yes."
Happy Jack: "DAMMIT ... um ... I mean, thanks for the information."
Goldi: "Is that all?"
Happy Jack: "Yes." (pause) "Hey! If you're leaving work, come have a beer or two with me."
Goldi: (turning slightly green) "Actually, I have an important call that I have to make right now."
Goldi quickly retreated back into her office.
 
Later that night, while Jack and Jane were waiting for Dent to lower the rope...
 
Happy Jack: (checking his watch) "It's time for me to convince Goldi we're not worth watching tonight."
Audacity Jane: "How do you plan to do that?"
Happy Jack dialed Goldi's number.
Goldi: "Hallo."
Happy Jack: (slurring his words slightly) "Hi Goldi. Do you know the waitress at the bierhall? The brunette with the two braids?"
Goldi: (sighing) "I know her. Why?"
Happy Jack: "Do you know if she has a fetish for trolls?"
Goldi: (icily) "Probably not."
Happy Jack: "Oh." (long pause) "My friend has a question. Does she have a fetish for orks?"
Goldi: [click]
Happy Jack: "Hello? Hello?"
Audacity Jane: "You have such a way with women."
Happy Jack: "It's a gift."
 
Things went according to plan until the team found the book in the library.
 
Audacity Jane: "This isn't the right book. It's a fake. It doesn't have the engraved cover."
Happy Jack: "He put the fake where thieves would expect to find it. The real one must be secured somewhere else."
Dent: "I know the fastest way to find the real one."
Happy Jack: "And that is...."
Dent: "The Baron's bedroom is just down the hall. I bet he knows where it is."
 
The Baron was a light sleeper ... until he was tasered, koshed and tranqued. He slept more soundly after that.
 
Dent: "The book is on his bedside table."
Audacity Jane: "That was easier to retrieve than I expected."
 
Dent's Mind Probe turned up some other interesting information.
 
Dent: "He didn't get a good look at us when we entered the room, but he thinks we're assassins sent to kill him."
Audacity Jane: "Then he'll be pleasantly surprised when he wakes up tomorrow morning."
 
Dent: "The maglock key around his neck is his secret escape route. There's a helicopter in a room upstairs. He can open the roof, raise a platform, and fly it out of here. We could use the helicopter to fly all the way back to Berlin!"
Audacity Jane: "Great plan ... except half of our team is still down in the valley ... including the pilot."
Happy Jack: "What kind of helicopter is it?"
Dent: "A high-end luxury one. Why?"
Happy Jack: "If it has a good enough autopilot, the helicopter can fly itself out of here. If it does that, everyone is going to assume that we, and the book, are on board."
 
No-Step and Eye Spy returned to Byte Force's room in order to facilitate secure communication between the two halves of the team.
 
Happy Jack: "Eye Spy, the Baron has a Hughes Airstar. If Byte Force gives you a route, can you you tell us how to program the autopilot to follow it?"
Eye Spy: "Of course."
Byte Force: "I don't have a route, though."
Happy Jack: "Find a route from the roof of the Keep to the middle of the Rhine-Ruhr toxic zone. I want the flight to buzz Graf Eisenstein's castle on the way there."
Byte Force: "Okay. Why?"
Happy Jack: "Munchmaussen has been shooting down Eisenstein's drones every week. Graf Eisenstein might want to return the favor with Munchmaussen's helicopter. I'm also fairly certain Munchmaussen won't be given permission to examine the wreckage."
Byte Force: "That's easy enough."
Happy Jack: "And have the route avoid passing over Munchmaussen valley. The Baron's SAM systems may be automated, and I don't want flaming wreckage to land on my head."
Byte Force: "I'll have it in one minute."
Happy Jack: "Eye Spy, we'll need the autopilot to be set on a timed delay. I want to be down in the valley before it goes tearing out of here."
Eye Spy: "Ooookay."
Happy Jack: "No-Step, I need you to cast and maintain an illusion covering the northwest side of the Keep's roof."
No-Step: "An illusion of what?"
Happy Jack: "An illusion of the roof. That's where the helicopter is going to be."
 
The Baron (presumably) woke the next morning to find the book missing, a metal briefcase in its place, the perpetrators gone, and his helicopter long gone.
 
Dent: "After what we did to him, he's going to wake up with the mother of all headaches."
Eye Spy: "Maybe the briefcase was full of Exedrin."

The shadowrunners were an ork/troll group. Against stereotype, they specialized in stealth, subtlety, bluff, illusion, deception and misdirection.
 
Dent: ork, rat shaman
No-Step: ork, snake shaman, healer
Byte Force: ork, decker, chemist
Eye Spy: ork, rigger, drones, paramedic
Audacity Jane: ork, combat, stealth, security systems
Happy Jack: troll, combat, disguise, negotiator
Goldi (NPC): the local Director of Tourism ... and secretly Baron Munchmaussen's Chief of Intelligence
 
The Adventures of Baron Munchmaussen - Learning the Lay of the Land
This was the same adventure previously described by Drhoz (here and here).
 
The team had been hired to steal a rare book from Baron Munchmaussen.
 
Upon arriving at the village, the train was met by the local Director of Tourism. She immediately started pumping the team for information. Happy Jack (expecting more use of the Analyze Truth spell) defused the questions in his normal manner ... he gave answers that were true, but contained no useful information.
 
Goldi: "What do you do for a living?"
Happy Jack: "I'm a negotiator. I ensure my clients get the best possible prices for their goods and services while paying the lowest possible prices to their suppliers."
Goldi: "I didn't realize that there were people who did that."
Happy Jack: "Of course there are. Do you know the hard part about hiring a negotiator?"
Goldi: "What?"
Happy Jack: "You have to negotiate his salary without the benefit of his expertise."
 
Jack also asked lots of questions.
 
Happy Jack: (seeing the castle for the first time) "The castle looks like a Disney castle."
Goldi: (drily) "I suppose it does."
Happy Jack: "Did the Baron build it to look like a Disney castle?"
 
Jack and Goldi chatted non-stop until she dropped them off at their hostel.
 
Byte Force: (quietly, before they entered the hostel) "You're being very friendly with the local [air quotes] tour guide. You even got her phone number."
Happy Jack: "I'm not being friendly. I'm being 'that guy.' The ignorant tourist who's completely in love with the sound of his own voice. By the time our trip is over, I want her to dread seeing me or hearing from me."
Dent: "Just act like you normally do. I feel that way about you already."
 
Byte Force rigged the camera in the hostel room so it showed a video loop of the team taking a nap. With that cover in place, the team unpacked the gear that Ms. Johnson sent. Obviously, they had some critiques.
 
Happy Jack: "For snowsuits we have a choice of dark blue, dark green and dark brown. Is she completely unfamiliar with the concept of camouflage?"
Byte Force: "Those colors blend in very well at night."
Audacity Jane: "Not against snow."
 
Eye Spy: "Six pairs of low-light goggles. Useless. Is there anyone here that can't already see in the dark?"
 
Byte Force: "There's no crypto-circuit or scrambling on the micro-transceivers. If we use these, we'll be broadcasting everything we say to the local security."
No-Step: "You're sure they're monitoring every radio channel?"
Byte Force: "They have spy cams in every room, so I'm going to assume they are."
 
Eye Spy: "No vehicles. No drones. Lovely. There's absolutely nothing for me to do on this mission."
Happy Jack: (handing Eye Spy the missile launcher) "You use heavy weapons. You're 'Plan C'."
Eye Spy: "Normally the weapons are mounted on vehicles."
Dent: "I can steal a car and a roll of duct tape."
 
The team's first stroll through the village was interrupted by an explosion overhead ... as a SAM fired from the castle blew up a drone.
 
Villager: (explaining the noise) "Every week, Graf Eisenstein sends a spy drone, and Graf Munchmaussen always shoots it down. Our Baron is paranoid about the skies."
Eye Spy: "And apparently they can both afford to blow up a few thousand nuyen each week, just to make a point."
 
Planning in a heavily monitored environment became its own challenge.
 
Audacity Jane: "When and how are we going to do our planning? We're going to be watched anyplace we go in town."
Byte Force: "We could use the snowshoes and go for a hike in the woods. I saw no evidence that the woods are monitored."
No-Step: (staring at Byte Force) "Did you actually suggest that we go outside and take a walk? In nature?"
Byte Force: "Yes ... but only out of desperation."
 
Securing communications posed an even bigger problem.
 
Happy Jack: "I keep telling you, I shouldn't be the only person with an internal commlink. If just one other person had one, we could have a secure line of communication."
Byte Force: "I should be able to wire a micro-transceiver to my cyberdeck. That will allow me to run it through an encryption program. That way the two of us can talk to each other securely."
Dent: "No-Step and I can use watcher spirits to send messages to each other."
No-Step: "We'll have to be careful about that. If a spirit shows up at the wrong time, we'll blow each other's cover."
 
Happy Jack: "We can pass some messages using code words."
Dent: "Aren't you the one who claims those are only used by amateurs?"
Happy Jack: "That's because they use code words that sound like code words. Real code words sound innocuous."
 
Happy Jack: "If we absolutely need to send a message in the open, Eye Spy, Byte Force, Jane and I can use these linguasofts. They may eventually figure out what we've said, but it will buy us some time."
Audacity Jane: "These linguasofts make us speak in code?"
Happy Jack: "No. They allow us to speak Tagalog ... and on this side of the world, that might as well be in code."
 
Happy Jack planned to seduce one of the ork servants working for the Baron, then drug her, allowing Dent to Mind Probe her for details about the castle. Dent remained skeptical of the plan.
 
Dent: "What makes you think you can seduce anyone? Last time I looked, you were really ugly."
No-Step: "You're forgetting something. Jack was also really ugly the first time you looked. He's very consistent that way."
Happy Jack: "I have two secret weapons. First, the Baron keeps detailed files on each of his employees. Not only do they tell me which servants are security risks, but they also describe their personal weaknesses."
Dent: "So you can find someone who's easy. Big deal. There's a difference between 'easy' and 'blind'."
Happy Jack: "And I also got some new bioware last month ... cultured tailored pheremones."
 
Dent's Mind Probe, combined with the castle's security camera footage, provided an excellent map of the castle's interior. Unfortunately, Goldi realized that Happy Jack had spent the night with a castle servant ... which made the Baron's spy very suspicious.
 
Happy Jack, noticing Goldi's interest in him, decided to defuse her interest in him.
 
Happy Jack: "Goldi! I'm on my way to the bierhall. Come have a drink with me!"
 
Goldi, being a skilled operative, joined Jack and dropped subtle hints that she might have information about the castle. Happy Jack chose to deflect her subtlety with complete and unmitigated obtuseness.
 
Goldi: "The castle isn't open to visitors, but I go there once a week to meet with some of the bureaucrats."
Happy Jack: "Is there a dragon in the castle?"
Goldi: "A dragon? Why would there be a dragon in the castle?"
Happy Jack: "Well, if the Baron lived in a castle -and- rode a dragon, that would make him the most AWESOME troll ever."
Goldi: "..."
Happy Jack: "Do they sell dragons around here?"
 
After the trip to the bierhall had ended...
 
Audacity Jane: "You just spent all afternoon drinking and BSing with a spy. Do you think you actually accomplished anything?"
Happy Jack: "I think I achieved my goal, and kept Goldi from achieving hers."
Audacity Jane: "Her goal was to get you to say something incriminating."
Happy Jack: "Not quite. Her goal was to get me drunk enough that I would slip up and say something incriminating."
Audacity Jane: "You have the same full-spectrum immunization that I do. You can't get drunk."
Happy Jack: "I may have neglected to mention that to her."
Audacity Jane: "What were you trying to accomplish?"
Happy Jack: "I was trying to convince her to keep up with me, beer for beer."
Audacity Jane: "She couldn't be that stupid."
Happy Jack: "Not quite. She started out having one beer to every four of mine, then one for every three."
Audacity Jane: "How long did that last?"
Happy Jack: "Until she passed out. She's going to have one hell of a hangover tomorrow."

The shadowrunners were an ork/troll group. Against stereotype, they specialized in stealth, subtlety, bluff, illusion, deception and misdirection.
 
Dent: ork, rat shaman
No-Step: ork, snake shaman, healer
Byte Force: ork, decker, chemist
Eye Spy: ork, rigger, drones, paramedic
Audacity Jane: ork, combat, stealth, security systems
Happy Jack: troll, combat, disguise, negotiator
Goldi (NPC): the local Director of Tourism ... and secretly the Baron's Chief of Intelligence
 
The Adventures of Baron Munchmaussen - A Trip to the Local Library
This was the same adventure previously described by Drhoz (here and here).
 
The team had been hired to steal a rare book from Baron Munchmaussen.
 
Discussing infiltration plans:
Byte Force's ability to spoof security cameras was critical to the plan. However, in order to do it effectively, he would need to coordinate with the team members infiltrating the castle.
 
Byte Force: "I don't think Jack can bluff his way through the tram's security. There are only two trolls in the castle, the Baron and one guard. Neither of them has come down to the village since we arrived."
Audacity Jane: "We really need Jack's headware up there, so we can have secure communication with you."
Dent: "How do you expect to sneak his lard butt around a castle?"
Audacity Jane: "That's easy. You're the one who uses magick. I intend to tell you to figure out a way."
 
Happy Jack: "Even if I'm sneaking into the castle using stealth, I would still like to disguise myself as the Baron, just in case I'm spotted inside."
No-Step: "I'm sure everyone in the castle knows the Baron well. Your disguise won't fool them for long."
Happy Jack: "It should make them hesitate for a few seconds ... and I've seen what Jane can do to someone in just a few seconds."
 
The plan was fairly simple:
Dent would make himself invisible, then ride to the castle on top of the cable car.
Once there, Dent would hide in one of the unused towers until night came.
No-Step would cover for Dent's absence by putting in several appearances as Dent during the afternoon.
Since Goldi was the only person capable of detecting Dent's invisibility or No-Step's illusion, Jack would divert her if it seemed likely that she would encounter either one.
After dark, Dent would secure a rope to the tower crenelation, then lower a rope down the cliff face below.
Using the rope and climbing gear, Jane and Jack would scale the cliff face and the castle wall.
Byte Force would use the security cameras in the castle and main keep to track the movements of the guards.
Byte Force would also selectively use video looping to prevent the cameras from seeing Dent, Jack and Jane.
The infiltration trio would use the grapple gun to scale the outside of the keep, then enter through the window of the library.
If someone was encountered, the infiltration team would use tasers, silenced SMGs, magick and melee to quietly deal with them.
The team would exfiltrate by using the rope down the side of the cliff.
The rope would be destroyed behind them, concealing the method of entry/egress.
If the castle became alerted to the presence of the infiltrators, No-Step and Eye Spy would use illusions and missile fire to distract the castle guards.
 
Happy Jack seemed to enjoy diverting Goldi.
 
Happy Jack: (approaching Goldi as she left her office) "Goldi! Could you help settle a bet I have with one of my friends."
Goldi: (cautiously) "Maybe."
Happy Jack: "Was the hamburger invented in Hamburg?"
Goldi: "No."
Happy Jack: "Are you sure?"
Goldi: "Yes."
Happy Jack: "DAMMIT ... um ... I mean, thanks for the information."
Goldi: "Is that all?"
Happy Jack: "Yes." (pause) "Hey! If you're leaving work, come have a beer or two with me."
Goldi: (turning slightly green) "Actually, I have an important call that I have to make right now."
Goldi quickly retreated back into her office.
 
Later that night, while Jack and Jane were waiting for Dent to lower the rope...
 
Happy Jack: (checking his watch) "It's time for me to convince Goldi we're not worth watching tonight."
Audacity Jane: "How do you plan to do that?"
Happy Jack dialed Goldi's number.
Goldi: "Hallo."
Happy Jack: (slurring his words slightly) "Hi Goldi. Do you know the waitress at the bierhall? The brunette with the two braids?"
Goldi: (sighing) "I know her. Why?"
Happy Jack: "Do you know if she has a fetish for trolls?"
Goldi: (icily) "Probably not."
Happy Jack: "Oh." (long pause) "My friend has a question. Does she have a fetish for orks?"
Goldi: [click]
Happy Jack: "Hello? Hello?"
Audacity Jane: "You have such a way with women."
Happy Jack: "It's a gift."
 
Things went according to plan until the team found the book in the library.
 
Audacity Jane: "This isn't the right book. It's a fake. It doesn't have the engraved cover."
Happy Jack: "He put the fake where thieves would expect to find it. The real one must be secured somewhere else."
Dent: "I know the fastest way to find the real one."
Happy Jack: "And that is...."
Dent: "The Baron's bedroom is just down the hall. I bet he knows where it is."
 
The Baron was a light sleeper ... until he was tasered, koshed and tranqued. He slept more soundly after that.
 
Dent: "The book is on his bedside table."
Audacity Jane: "That was easier to retrieve than I expected."
 
Dent's Mind Probe turned up some other interesting information.
 
Dent: "He didn't get a good look at us when we entered the room, but he thinks we're assassins sent to kill him."
Audacity Jane: "Then he'll be pleasantly surprised when he wakes up tomorrow morning."
 
Dent: "The maglock key around his neck is his secret escape route. There's a helicopter in a room upstairs. He can open the roof, raise a platform, and fly it out of here. We could use the helicopter to fly all the way back to Berlin!"
Audacity Jane: "Great plan ... except half of our team is still down in the valley ... including the pilot."
Happy Jack: "What kind of helicopter is it?"
Dent: "A high-end luxury one. Why?"
Happy Jack: "If it has a good enough autopilot, the helicopter can fly itself out of here. If it does that, everyone is going to assume that we, and the book, are on board."
 
No-Step and Eye Spy returned to Byte Force's room in order to facilitate secure communication between the two halves of the team.
 
Happy Jack: "Eye Spy, the Baron has a Hughes Airstar. If Byte Force gives you a route, can you you tell us how to program the autopilot to follow it?"
Eye Spy: "Of course."
Byte Force: "I don't have a route, though."
Happy Jack: "Find a route from the roof of the Keep to the middle of the Rhine-Ruhr toxic zone. I want the flight to buzz Graf Eisenstein's castle on the way there."
Byte Force: "Okay. Why?"
Happy Jack: "Munchmaussen has been shooting down Eisenstein's drones every week. Graf Eisenstein might want to return the favor with Munchmaussen's helicopter. I'm also fairly certain Munchmaussen won't be given permission to examine the wreckage."
Byte Force: "That's easy enough."
Happy Jack: "And have the route avoid passing over Munchmaussen valley. The Baron's SAM systems may be automated, and I don't want flaming wreckage to land on my head."
Byte Force: "I'll have it in one minute."
Happy Jack: "Eye Spy, we'll need the autopilot to be set on a timed delay. I want to be down in the valley before it goes tearing out of here."
Eye Spy: "Ooookay."
Happy Jack: "No-Step, I need you to cast and maintain an illusion covering the northwest side of the Keep's roof."
No-Step: "An illusion of what?"
Happy Jack: "An illusion of the roof. That's where the helicopter is going to be."
 
The Baron (presumably) woke the next morning to find the book missing, a metal briefcase in its place, the perpetrators gone, and his helicopter long gone.
 
Dent: "After what we did to him, he's going to wake up with the mother of all headaches."
Eye Spy: "Maybe the briefcase was full of Exedrin."

The shadowrunners were an ork/troll group. Against stereotype, they specialized in stealth, subtlety, bluff, illusion, deception and misdirection.
 
Dent: ork, rat shaman
No-Step: ork, snake shaman, healer
Byte Force: ork, decker, chemist
Eye Spy: ork, rigger, drones, paramedic
Audacity Jane: ork, combat, stealth, security systems
Happy Jack: troll, combat, disguise, negotiator
Goldi (NPC): the local Director of Tourism ... and secretly Baron Munchmaussen's Chief of Intelligence
 
The Adventures of Baron Munchmaussen - Learning the Lay of the Land
This was the same adventure previously described by Drhoz (here and here).
 
The team had been hired to steal a rare book from Baron Munchmaussen.
 
Upon arriving at the village, the train was met by the local Director of Tourism. She immediately started pumping the team for information. Happy Jack (expecting more use of the Analyze Truth spell) defused the questions in his normal manner ... he gave answers that were true, but contained no useful information.
 
Goldi: "What do you do for a living?"
Happy Jack: "I'm a negotiator. I ensure my clients get the best possible prices for their goods and services while paying the lowest possible prices to their suppliers."
Goldi: "I didn't realize that there were people who did that."
Happy Jack: "Of course there are. Do you know the hard part about hiring a negotiator?"
Goldi: "What?"
Happy Jack: "You have to negotiate his salary without the benefit of his expertise."
 
Jack also asked lots of questions.
 
Happy Jack: (seeing the castle for the first time) "The castle looks like a Disney castle."
Goldi: (drily) "I suppose it does."
Happy Jack: "Did the Baron build it to look like a Disney castle?"
 
Jack and Goldi chatted non-stop until she dropped them off at their hostel.
 
Byte Force: (quietly, before they entered the hostel) "You're being very friendly with the local [air quotes] tour guide. You even got her phone number."
Happy Jack: "I'm not being friendly. I'm being 'that guy.' The ignorant tourist who's completely in love with the sound of his own voice. By the time our trip is over, I want her to dread seeing me or hearing from me."
Dent: "Just act like you normally do. I feel that way about you already."
 
Byte Force rigged the camera in the hostel room so it showed a video loop of the team taking a nap. With that cover in place, the team unpacked the gear that Ms. Johnson sent. Obviously, they had some critiques.
 
Happy Jack: "For snowsuits we have a choice of dark blue, dark green and dark brown. Is she completely unfamiliar with the concept of camouflage?"
Byte Force: "Those colors blend in very well at night."
Audacity Jane: "Not against snow."
 
Eye Spy: "Six pairs of low-light goggles. Useless. Is there anyone here that can't already see in the dark?"
 
Byte Force: "There's no crypto-circuit or scrambling on the micro-transceivers. If we use these, we'll be broadcasting everything we say to the local security."
No-Step: "You're sure they're monitoring every radio channel?"
Byte Force: "They have spy cams in every room, so I'm going to assume they are."
 
Eye Spy: "No vehicles. No drones. Lovely. There's absolutely nothing for me to do on this mission."
Happy Jack: (handing Eye Spy the missile launcher) "You use heavy weapons. You're 'Plan C'."
Eye Spy: "Normally the weapons are mounted on vehicles."
Dent: "I can steal a car and a roll of duct tape."
 
The team's first stroll through the village was interrupted by an explosion overhead ... as a SAM fired from the castle blew up a drone.
 
Villager: (explaining the noise) "Every week, Graf Eisenstein sends a spy drone, and Graf Munchmaussen always shoots it down. Our Baron is paranoid about the skies."
Eye Spy: "And apparently they can both afford to blow up a few thousand nuyen each week, just to make a point."
 
Planning in a heavily monitored environment became its own challenge.
 
Audacity Jane: "When and how are we going to do our planning? We're going to be watched anyplace we go in town."
Byte Force: "We could use the snowshoes and go for a hike in the woods. I saw no evidence that the woods are monitored."
No-Step: (staring at Byte Force) "Did you actually suggest that we go outside and take a walk? In nature?"
Byte Force: "Yes ... but only out of desperation."
 
Securing communications posed an even bigger problem.
 
Happy Jack: "I keep telling you, I shouldn't be the only person with an internal commlink. If just one other person had one, we could have a secure line of communication."
Byte Force: "I should be able to wire a micro-transceiver to my cyberdeck. That will allow me to run it through an encryption program. That way the two of us can talk to each other securely."
Dent: "No-Step and I can use watcher spirits to send messages to each other."
No-Step: "We'll have to be careful about that. If a spirit shows up at the wrong time, we'll blow each other's cover."
 
Happy Jack: "We can pass some messages using code words."
Dent: "Aren't you the one who claims those are only used by amateurs?"
Happy Jack: "That's because they use code words that sound like code words. Real code words sound innocuous."
 
Happy Jack: "If we absolutely need to send a message in the open, Eye Spy, Byte Force, Jane and I can use these linguasofts. They may eventually figure out what we've said, but it will buy us some time."
Audacity Jane: "These linguasofts make us speak in code?"
Happy Jack: "No. They allow us to speak Tagalog ... and on this side of the world, that might as well be in code."
 
Happy Jack planned to seduce one of the ork servants working for the Baron, then drug her, allowing Dent to Mind Probe her for details about the castle. Dent remained skeptical of the plan.
 
Dent: "What makes you think you can seduce anyone? Last time I looked, you were really ugly."
No-Step: "You're forgetting something. Jack was also really ugly the first time you looked. He's very consistent that way."
Happy Jack: "I have two secret weapons. First, the Baron keeps detailed files on each of his employees. Not only do they tell me which servants are security risks, but they also describe their personal weaknesses."
Dent: "So you can find someone who's easy. Big deal. There's a difference between 'easy' and 'blind'."
Happy Jack: "And I also got some new bioware last month ... cultured tailored pheremones."
 
Dent's Mind Probe, combined with the castle's security camera footage, provided an excellent map of the castle's interior. Unfortunately, Goldi realized that Happy Jack had spent the night with a castle servant ... which made the Baron's spy very suspicious.
 
Happy Jack, noticing Goldi's interest in him, decided to defuse her interest in him.
 
Happy Jack: "Goldi! I'm on my way to the bierhall. Come have a drink with me!"
 
Goldi, being a skilled operative, joined Jack and dropped subtle hints that she might have information about the castle. Happy Jack chose to deflect her subtlety with complete and unmitigated obtuseness.
 
Goldi: "The castle isn't open to visitors, but I go there once a week to meet with some of the bureaucrats."
Happy Jack: "Is there a dragon in the castle?"
Goldi: "A dragon? Why would there be a dragon in the castle?"
Happy Jack: "Well, if the Baron lived in a castle -and- rode a dragon, that would make him the most AWESOME troll ever."
Goldi: "..."
Happy Jack: "Do they sell dragons around here?"
 
After the trip to the bierhall had ended...
 
Audacity Jane: "You just spent all afternoon drinking and BSing with a spy. Do you think you actually accomplished anything?"
Happy Jack: "I think I achieved my goal, and kept Goldi from achieving hers."
Audacity Jane: "Her goal was to get you to say something incriminating."
Happy Jack: "Not quite. Her goal was to get me drunk enough that I would slip up and say something incriminating."
Audacity Jane: "You have the same full-spectrum immunization that I do. You can't get drunk."
Happy Jack: "I may have neglected to mention that to her."
Audacity Jane: "What were you trying to accomplish?"
Happy Jack: "I was trying to convince her to keep up with me, beer for beer."
Audacity Jane: "She couldn't be that stupid."
Happy Jack: "Not quite. She started out having one beer to every four of mine, then one for every three."
Audacity Jane: "How long did that last?"
Happy Jack: "Until she passed out. She's going to have one hell of a hangover tomorrow."

Shadowrun : Paradise Lost
September 2052 - The party have decided to take a sudden holiday. True, Renraku corporation might think we're dead, what with the nuke and all, but a low profile might be a good idea. So we'll be lounging around on a beach in Hawaii until the Red Samurai watching our apartments get bored and go home.

It's certainly more pleasant than hiding in Seattle and hiding in cheap dives with cheaper beer.

Greenlight: Cheap beer? I hang out at Panzerwaffle! F**k your cheap beer!
Inkubus: I got banned from Panzerwaffle, becase of the hourly weapons check. Personally, I think they're jealous. It's not my fault my d*ck is the best weapon the party has.

Inkubus: *escorted from Panzerwaffle, shirtless, between two trolls, singing* I'm, too sexy, for my shirt, too sexy for my shirt....

And a completely out of context quote from the troll.

Titus: Just because I bought more warehouse space is not an excuse for people to fill it with elephants.

But we won't be using our own boat - Renraku will probably be looking for it, too. So it's disguise, false Ids, and flying to the island kingdom on a newly acquired plane.

Felix: If we ever get a zeppelin I expect at some point to cry "Oh the metahumanity!'

And as we enjoy ourselves the Renraku operatives watch from the empty buildings opposite our empty homes.

Renraku Agent One: You'll never see the dwarf.
Renraku Agent Two: Why?
One: He's a sniper.
Two: Oh. Well that's not too bad.
One: And you'll never see the human.
Two: Why?
One: They're a master of disguise. They could be anybody. That's why we're not wearing masks.

And the empty pot noodle containers start piling up.

Two: What's that smell?
One: Oh, I needed the containers. For something.
Two: Dude! We HAVE a toilet!

September is the least popular time to visit Hawaii, thanks to the temperature.

Felix: At least the hotel rooms are cheap.

Felix: So have any of islands been set up as Jurassic Park yet?
Greenlight: Don't tempt me.

Inkubus has all sorts of improvements planned for his plane.

Inkubus: I want it to be my Love Castle in the Sky.

Inkubus: I used to be a air chauffeur, but I had to get out of the business.
Felix: So when was the first time you fucked someone while flying a plane?
Inkubus: *thinks* Well. ... no, she was earlier... after... Oh right - my flight instructor, first time out.

GM: There's something weird about Hawaii - there's sunlight.
Felix: The Daystar! It burns!
Inkubus: The sky! It's blue! I know they told us to colour it like that when we were kids, but...
Felix: You thought it was artistic license?

Felix: What are those berries Pele likes? We probably want to stay on the right side of the local fire goddess while we're here.
Inkubus: Are you sure you want to take the risk of ME possibly coming into contact with the local goddess?
Titus: *has panic attack*

We enjoy the good life and sunburn for a few days.

Felix: Coming out of tourist shops with armfuls of stuff.
Inkubus: You do - I come out with armfuls of the local girls.

One evening, enjoying the entertainment and open bar at the Kona Kalaa Luau, we're interrupted by an elven woman running across the dining area pursued by three humans and an ork. She drops a parcel on Greenlight en route - who dodges, fearing C.O.D deliveries of grenades from Renraku.

Felix: Unusual sort of cabaret they have in these places *sips from pineapple*

It's a job offer, from somebody who knows our rep. Although the messenger apparently needs our help. Titus picks up the two mages and we set off in pursuit.

Inkubus: Wait, I'm being given permission to chase after a tall Elven girl? *pursues, tongue lolling*

Inkubus: Do we ever do any actual work on one of our jobs?
Felix: We're not that Ork Underground team.
Greenlight: It's been two days, I'm tired of holidays! I never knew I was such a workaholic.
Inkubus: I'm not sure I ever could be debauched out. When i think i've plumbed the depths I break through and find even more.

Inkubus: You've given me an idea for my next holiday - two weeks, and fourteen doses of that amnesia drug.
Greenlight: He calls it the Jason Bourne package. We wipe his memory, drop him somewhere in the Middle East, and when he figures out who he is he comes home.

Pursuing the group down the street -

Felix: We didn't pay our bill
Titus: It was a banquet - we paid on the way in.
Felix: Good point.
Greenlight: Frankly I think we were the ones that got ripped off.

Greenlight and Titus (despite the additional load) easily overtake the group. Titus intends to pick up the elf as we do so.

Inkubus: Charging Mah LAZEEERRRRRRR!
Greenlight: You should yell to the humans as you overtake 'You do realise I'm carrying two mages, right?'
Felix: Do we need to start singing the Katamari Damacy theme at this point? If you're collecting everything we run over?

Titus stops dead.

Felix: And does the ork manage to stop?
Inkubus: One way or the other he will be.

The pursuers pause to econsider their careers, and actually leave.

Greenlight: 'My subordinates are getting shock batons to the groin - I'm out'
Inkubus: Don't knock it til you've tried it.
Greenlight: 'I'm going back to surfing'

Serena, the elf, thanks us for rescuing us from the 'discipline team' sent to chastise her for accepting the courier job. Her gang patch is 'Haoles Don't Surf'.

Inkubus: I'm trying to think what gave us away as Shadowrunners - I think it's the way that whenever we entered a room we checked all the corners.

Greenlight: You ever had the feeling you want something, but don't know what it is? I think I want a holiday...
Inkubus: But you don't know how to have one?

Greenlight: *sighs* Let's go have our holiday.
Inkubus: A working holiday. Defined as 'working in a holiday setting'

La Maison D'Indochine is a very high-end and elegant restaurant. Just as well we packed our best suits.

Titus: We do tend to do the high-paying jobs. Sometimes because they're bullshit difficult, and the rest of the time it's for dragons who have to pay extra before anybody will agree to work for them.

Felix: The string quartet are playing Pachelbel's Canon, and the cellist has this expression ಠ_ಠ
Inkubus: D, A, B, F Sharp, G, D, G, A
Greenlight: What?
Inkubus: Cellist's part. Repeat indefinitely.
Greenlight: Oh, I thought you were trying to learn the alphabet.

The Johnson is a woman in her mid-30s, exuding an air of innocence.

Inkubus: An air of niceness so complete it makes the idea of violence against her seem-
Titus: Entertaining?

Felix: Before we accept the job how did you know we were here? That sort of operational leak is of concern to us.
Inkubus: We're supposed to be on holiday... Actually all it takes is one guy to recognise us.
Felix: 'Hey, it's that guy that had the Renraku heads!'
Inkubus: *wince* and the shiteating grin.
Renraku Underling: Sir, we have found-
Frothing Renraku Exec: Silence! We will find them with spies!
Renraku: But sir, he is trending on Facebook!

The job is to investigate the theft of a product known as an "AFD". to develop it, the Johnson's client company entered into a joint venture with a company called 2M to develop it. Two weeks earlier, the client company and 2M met at the latter's corporate offices in Honolulu, when an assault team showed up, stole the prototypes and files, and assassinated everyone present. We need to investigate the theft, find the culprit, and retrieve the prototypes.

And 2M's Head of Security is a Feathered Dragon.

Felix: Another f**king dragon????

Off to the skyraker where the attack happened.

Greenlight: All this talk of the 34th floor means I'm going to throw somebody out the window. If I can.

Inkubus: I'm going back to the elevator and squeezing the rest of my...
Felix: Lube?
Inkubus: Sunscreen, over the floor. Just in case there's a security team coming up after us.

There's a thumb-scan lock on one of the doors. So we make a Titus-shaped hole in the wall. Felix hears something move in one of the other offices.

Felix: What was that noise? No, the other noise.

It's a nervous guy with a gun. Greenlight appears a foot away.

Greenlight: Hi.
Nervous Guy: Fuck! Hands up! Where I can see them!
Inkubus: *snickers* Sure. Not a problem. Orgasm.
Greenlight: Is that wise when he's holding a gun on us?
Felix: He shoots. Twice.

Nervous Guy was already logged into the computers - helpful. He's the Vice-president of Accounts Management.

Greenlight: An Ares Predator for self-defence, at the Office? I can't imagine why. *sarcasm off*
Felix: Were you here during the attack?
Inkubus: He's alive, of course he wasn't.
Felix: Good point. WHY weren't you present?

Then Titus accidentally sets off the alarm. Just before the strike team open the elevator door, startling everybody including them. And as they rush in, they hit the sunscreen on the floor and go arse-over-tits.

Inkubus: You know what we call this sort of situation? Stunball practise. I'm just glad it's not a septuagenarian nightwatchman. 'Argh, my hip!'

Greenlight effortlessly picks them all off with gel rounds. None of them are wearing uniforms, but it’s possible they're the replacements for the murdered security. On the other hand, at least one of them was a shaman, and another suspiciously unarmed.
Our new captives include one Mark, the President of Accounts.

Inkubus: This is sad - these guys thought they were shadowrunners. Hey, Mark, were you diddling the company? Mindprobe.

Greenlight: I wonder if their street samurai is just a guy with a plastic arm.
Felix: Winter Soldier cosplayer.

Mark IS working with Aloha, a Hawaiian terrorist organisation – those AREN’T the new security team he’s with. They were after the AFD - the Anti-Flatline Device, a biofeedback filter first devised by Mary Falls Inc in Seattle. Possibly the first ever built. But he doesn't know who raided 2M, apart from the fact it wasn't Aloha, but Aloha somehow ended up with the info anyway. And then they heard the woman in charge of the project may have extra files hidden at one of the company labs, and came to find out which lab. Good news for Nervous Guy - he can pretend he caught the terrorists and company traitor on the condition he lets us finish poking around inside the company servers.

Inkubus: Congratulations on your promotion.

And now WE know where the extra files are, and where Aloha hide out. Greenlight writes FAIL on their chests, one letter for each.

Terrorists: F, A... oh you d*ck!

Oh, and our Johnson IS Mary Falls. Inkubus figures out what happened - 2M realised how valuable the AFD is, and staged an attack on their own offices and lab so they could steal the data and run off with it without being under suspicion. 2M tried to incriminate Aloha, not knowing their own President of Accounts was already associated with Aloha.

Greenlight: 'And we would have got away with it too'
Inkubus: 'If it wasn't for you meddling Shadowrunners.'

And then Mary Fall hired us personally.

Mary: I want the best team you have. Money is no object.
Fixer: Er... are you willing to pay 3 or 4 million?
Mary: OK, money is an object.
Fixer: But if you want a team that will change the parameters of the mission halfway through - TO YOUR BENEFIT - then you should still hire them.

Johnson: I hired Them.
Exec: Them? Them who?
Johnson: THEM.
Exec: Oh, THEM.

Inkubus: I think they were close to perfecting the AFD. That's when I'd scrag my own research team if I was a total amoral bastard.
Felix: Like a dragon.

Indeed, it seems likely this was 2M's Head of Security that came up with this plan.

Titus: Dragon's have achieved perfect self-awareness.
Inkubus: 'I'm a dick... and I'm OK with that. Sometimes the world needs a good d*cking.'
Felix: Well, you should know.

Mary Falls is quite startled by our report, and that we figured out who she is and what the AFD is.

Greenlight: Isn't this exactly like all your other relationships with woman? They're dumbfounded but impressed with your efficiency.

Next week! Off to Molokai and Waimea!