Roter Baron

Tkdguy made a petition to both the British and the Russians during the Crimean War to sell snacks in the pauses of combat. That was okayed and he set up shop in the Turkish camp at first but franchised to other troops later.
 
He is still known under the name of Cease-Fire Guy (Turkish: Toshmaki kilderminiz gelc) for his Borschtsch Sandwich, Beth's & Niklas' Refreshing Iced Tea, Russian-French Toast, Osman's Original Halala Chicken Soup and Spaghetti a la Allies with Sardines or Russian Fried Potatoes. All that with a shot (or barrage) of Vodka, Gin, Aquavit, Raki or Red Wine and at bargaining prices and soldier-friendly offers: "We charge lighter than the Light Brigade" and the offer that "If you die you don't pay the pie!" or "Cold borschtscht is on us!" are still fondly remembered by veterans.
 
And it was not unsusual to hear later:" Yeah, I lost a leg, got captured by the enemy - the war was hell save when the Cease-fire Guy came. I can still taste that chicken soup ..."

L. Marcus is the culprit who put the Glaive-Guisarme-Halberd-Godentag into the two-handed weapons list of AD&D 1st edition's Unearth Arcana and then secretly deleted the illustration, keeping players around the globe wondering why it does 1D8-1 against small and medium sized monsters but 3D4-3 against large opponents, why it has a reach of 8'11,5'' and can be wielded single-handedly by half-orcs but is a two-people-team weapon by everybody else except gnomes (two-handed then).
 
It is also puzzeling at only sahuagin can set it against a charge, but only in salt-water with a medium temperature of 62 F in a North-eastern current. On the other hand the description seems to allow it water-dwelling craetures to wield it single-handedly if they are mounted on  Giant Sea Horses while the aforementioned rule clearly allows this only for half-orcs which aren't aquatic!
 
If you asked me that weapon is
1. overpowered,
2. has not nearly enough extra-options,
3. and clearly ruins aquatic sea campaigns.
 
I demand a clear ruling!

BlueCloud2k2 is the character assassin here!
 
He killed my Half-elf Fighter-Thief-Mage Level 13/15/12, my superhero Captain Roboto (767 points + disads!) and my Pirate Hero Keelhauling Klaus - all in one gaming session!
 
Never borrow money from him, tell him you forgot it at home and you'll pay next Monday and then accept his invitation to a "fun all-genre gaming evening" - yeah, he had FUN allright! I am still mourning Greenglitterwind, Robo and hard-sailin' Klausi ...

... Because RB told us not to.

BlueCloud2k2 is the founder of a world-wide initiative to give equal rights and suffrage to sentient torpedos, rockets, landmines and bombs.
It is called "Sentient Weapons Equal Electoral Perspective" (S.W.E.E.P.).
 
So far it is backed by him and a three-legged cat named Captain Mincemice. Great ideas need their time I guess ...

WOAH!
 
I thought this was "Complicate the person above" not "Slander the person above like there is no tomorrow"!
 
Well, the kid's gloves are of then:
 
Death Tribble is known in France as "Le Petite Tribbél" and his action figures are sold along with pink ponies, cuddle bears and have the warning "Will cause diabetes!" because of their utter sweetness.
 
One is called "Le Pink CapitanTribbél" and has caused more diabetes seizures than Coke with added sugar served with really sweet chocolate!
 
You wanted slander - now you have it!
 
HAPPY!?!

My reference to the "master race" was sadly misunderstood, as was the moustache:
This was (paid) advertisement for the "Master (of Biking) Race", sponsored by a pizza cahin who held their Super Mario look-alike contest, in which I planned to take part.
Problem: I don't look not very much like Mario, nor do I grow a moustache well.
 
BlueCloud2k2 is the only member of a Band covering Rammstein and Kraftwerk songs at the same time.
He calls it alternately Rammwerk or Steinkraft and you really don't want to hear his mixture of Das Model and Mein Herz brennt = Das Model brennt!

My reference to the "master race" was sadly misunderstood, as was the moustache:
This was (paid) advertisement for the "Master (of Biking) Race", sponsored by a pizza cahin who held their Super Mario look-alike contest, in which I planned to take part.
Problem: I don't look not very much like Mario, nor do I grow a moustache well.
 
BlueCloud2k2 is the only member of a Band covering Rammstein and Kraftwerk songs at the same time.
He calls it alternately Rammwerk or Steinkraft and you really don't want to hear his mixture of Das Model and Mein Herz brennt = Das Model brennt!

RB rides a Segway to work.
 
He works at home and telecommutes.
 
Lazy @$$

Der Roter Baron was voted most likely to be German in a poll of tribesmen in Papua New Guinea who had no radio, television, mobile phones or internet.

Roter Baron played Hermon Munster in the original pilot, but decided to go with someone who need makeup to look more scary instead of someone who needed makeup to look less scary.

Roter Baron used to be Roter Feldwebel. He was promoted for gallantry in the face of lethal levels of saccharine cuteness at the Easter pageant of a girls' school in Aschaffenburg, which had already claimed the lives of six men and rendered thirty-seven others irremediably insane. He alone had the determination to stuff the lilac-scented marzipan bunnies and duckies in his ears to block out the singing. But to this day he quails at the sight of bunnies.

Roter Baron was my understudy as Kappellmeister in das Land der Singender Schweine, before he was offered the job as High Music Honcho in the Free Flatulent Republic of Legiron. He went with my blessing.

Der Todesstribbel is the Terror of the Seven Seas.
 
One is Chelsea. The other six are: Sea-what-you-got-into, Sea-I-told-you-so, the Awkwardlantic Ocean, the Hide-and-Sea, the Seamantic Ocean, and the Look-and-Sea.
 
He is also known amongst his men as the Seadog Sea-ven of Nine!

Christmas time is Tribble-time:
 
After Santa, Sinterklaas, Weihnachtsmann and Knecht Ruprecht we now have The Tribble at Christmas - he is not handing out presents, he is taking them away and destroying them, laughing in the faces of crying children, desparing mothers and helpless fathers.
 
If you're nice to him (= giving loads of money) he won't burn your Christmas tree down (and your house with it).
 
The Tribble also goes by the name of "The Spoilsport of X-Mas", "The Present Taliban", "The Grunch on Bad Acid" and "The Bane of Christmas Eve".
 
Good thing about The Tribble is: He only comes once a year.

BlueCloud2k2 wasn't born.
 
Wasn't hatched either.
 
He was summoned by the Great Sioux Rain Dance in 1888 led by Chieftain Blue-In-The-Face and the Mad Medicine Men!
 
Blue and the Medicine Men had other great hits like "Smoke on the Water", "Riders on the Storm", "It's Rainin'" (covered by the Pointer Sisters adding "Men") and even did a cover of "Kaltes klares Wasser" (Cold Clear Water) by Malaria while on their German Tour, but "BlueCloud2k2" was their biggest!
You can still hire them for weddings and bar mizwas - but bring a raincoat!
 
P.S.: Don't miss the "BlaueWolke ZwoKaZwo"-Cover by Kraftwerk on You-Tube!
 
"Er ist eine blaue Wolke und er regnet viel,
seit 1888 ist er ein Wasserspiel.
Der Hauptling beschwor in mit
den Medizinleute'.
Er ist des Wahnsinns fette Beute!"
 
I like it even better than the original Lakota version.

BlueCloud2k2 wasn't born.
 
Wasn't hatched either.
 
He was summoned by the Great Sioux Rain Dance in 1888 led by Chieftain Blue-In-The-Face and the Mad Medicine Men!
 
Blue and the Medicine Men had other great hits like "Smoke on the Water", "Riders on the Storm", "It's Rainin'" (covered by the Pointer Sisters adding "Men") and even did a cover of "Kaltes klares Wasser" (Cold Clear Water) by Malaria while on their German Tour, but "BlueCloud2k2" was their biggest!
You can still hire them for weddings and bar mizwas - but bring a raincoat!
 
P.S.: Don't miss the "BlaueWolke ZwoKaZwo"-Cover by Kraftwerk on You-Tube!
 
"Er ist eine blaue Wolke und er regnet viel,
seit 1888 ist er ein Wasserspiel.
Der Hauptling beschwor in mit
den Medizinleute'.
Er ist des Wahnsinns fette Beute!"
 
I like it even better than the original Lakota version.

Der Roter Baron's sidekick is Superman. Look don't argue with me, he paid the points for it and came up with an interesting and involving backstory as to why.

Tkdguy introduced the word "sandwich" into the English language. It originally came from old Anglo-Saxon " sammich" and is derived from proto-Gothic "zaoumuicch" which meant "a King's feast".
 
See, what happened! Some kibble between slices of toast!
 
 
@ L.Marcus: It's a penthouse in Vland City! Ha! Envy me! Just that you know.

Tkdguy introduced the word "sandwich" into the English language. It originally came from old Anglo-Saxon " sammich" and is derived from proto-Gothic "zaoumuicch" which meant "a King's feast".
 
See, what happened! Some kibble between slices of toast!
 
 
@ L.Marcus: It's a penthouse in Vland City! Ha! Envy me! Just that you know.

A high school student, unhappy with a grade he had received from a teacher, confronted the teacher and asked, "Do you know who my father is?"
 
The teacher replied, "You should probably ask your mother about that."
 
 
 
(The teacher in this scenario is one of my coworkers.)

Roter Baron got the Pour le Mérite for running over the Kaiserin's annoying yappy little affenpinscher with a lorry full of dynamite. The dynamite didn't explode, but the dog (and its yapping) was eliminated anyway.

All a bunch of pikers! At first everybody is like "Make it real, man! Make me it feel, man!"
 
Then you make it real and make them feel and then it's like "How dare you decapitate my goofer! Out! And take the scalps with you!" Sheeesh!
 
BlueCloud2k2 likes to listen to the lamentation of the women of dead enemies!
 
Then: Who doesn't?
 
But you shouldn't record them and offer them to the families of the deceased on the Homeshopping Channel!
 
That is sick! Profitable - but sick! I guess ... (Why didn't I come up with that idea?)

Kaze9999 is a Tibetean Kung Fu Master. Actually he is the 9999th and got the job by chance - he won the title in a poker game, along with a herd af yaks. Actually, he thought that there were 9999 YACHTS in the pot!
 
You can't imagine his disappointment when he won and was shown his grand price! Ye, his Tibetean is more than a little rusty.

Re: Jokes
 
MEMO FROM: Bin Laden, Osama.
 
TO: Al Qaeda Fighters.
 
SUBJECT: The Cave
 
Hi guys. We've all been putting in long hours recently and we've really
come together as a group, I love that! However, while we are fighting a
jihad, we can't forget to take care of the cave, and frankly I have a few
concerns:
 
First of all: While it's good to be concerned about cruise missiles, we
should be even more concerned about the dust in our cave. We want to avoid
excessive dust inhalation, (a health and safety issue) - so we need to sweep
the cave daily. I've done my bit on the cleaning roster - have you? I've
posted a sign-up sheet near the cave reception area (next to the Halal
toaster/griller).
 
Second: It's not often I make a video address but when I do, I'm trying to
scare the hell out of most of the world's population, okay? That means that
while we're taping, please do not ride your scooter in the background or
keep doing the 'Wasssuuup' thing. Thanks.
 
Third: Food. I bought a box of Bega cheese recently. I clearly wrote "Ossy"
on the front, and put it on the top shelf of the fridge. Today, two of my
Bega slices were gone. Consideration. That's all I'm saying.
 
Fourth: I'm not against team spirit and all that, but we must distance
ourselves from the Infidel's bat and ball games. And Please - do not chant
"Ossy, Ossy, Ossy. Oii Oii Oii" when I ride past on the donkey. Thanks.
 
Fifth: Graffiti. Who wrote "OSAMA F**** DONKEYS" on the group toilet wall?
It's a lie. The donkey backed into me, whilst I was relieving myself at the
edge of the mountain.
 
Sixth: The use of chickens is strictly for food. Assam, the old excuse that
the 'chicken backed into me, whilst I was relieving myself at the edge of
the mountain' will not be accepted in future. (With donkeys, there is a
grey area).
 
Finally, we've heard that there may be Western soldiers in disguise trying
to infiltrate our ranks. I want to set up patrols to look for them. First
patrol will be Omar, Muhammad, Abdul, Akbar and Dave.
 
Love you lots, Group Hug. Os.
 
PS - I'm sick of having "Osama's Bed Linen" scribbled on my laundry bag.
Cut it out, it's not funny anymore.