Drhoz

Regardless of how the next few minutes play out, the rebellion in Kintargo is going to have to wildly revise their threat estimate of Lord-Mayor Barzillai Thrune. The trap he laid would have devastated us, even if we hadn’t shown up. But it’s equally shocking how many resources he must have expended setting this up. 
 
Consider - in the Red Corner : Dozens of heavily armed Dotarri, Half a dozen Bearded Devils, a huge Bone Devil, an Erinyes, and a Contract Devil. Each of the devils has been concealed with expensive glamours and magical items until it was time to slaughter everybody in the building.
 
In the Blue Corner - Four artists and intellectuals and a few of their friends.
 
The Ghosts of Kintargo are not people suited to mass combat. In fact, our only member suited for face-to-face combat is Rajira’s cousin Mahat, who no doubt we’ll find sitting on a pile of dead Dotarri outside, later. Rajira is pretty deft with a kukri, true, but she got most of her skill at interpersonal violence while training for the Opera.
 
At least the Contract Devil is dead, if that was indeed Cizmerkis disguised as Thrune on the stage. And the Dotarri are clearly dismayed by the apparent death of their Lord-Mayor. But we're still seriously outnumbered, some of us are already badly wounded, and the assorted Devils have clearly identified us as People That Need To Die. Unfortunately the really big Azata is really a really big Bone Devil. They can turn invisible. And Fly. As Civilla, still up in the chandelier, will shortly learn to her cost. The Azata that was already flying is actually an Erinyes, and a horribly efficient sniper. And Rajira is having really, really bad luck avoiding the Bearded Devils. And one of the latter is paying attention to Terzo again. 
 
Then Civilla drops a Chthonic Ankylosaur onto the stage.
 
Civilla: If I kept the Xill around there was a real chance somebody would get implanted with more Xill.
Ayva: The opera about these events is going to be hilarious.
 
Happily, if Terzo dashes to the front of the orchestra pit then most of the party (and the Ankylosaur) can be buffed with the spell Good Hope. Another aria arises from the chaos.
 
Ayva: I can’t WAIT to see this opera.
 
Some of our other allies - Captain Cassius Sargaeta of the Chellish Navy, his boyfriend Marquel Aulorian, and the faerie dragon Vendalfek - keep working on getting the civilians out of the building alive, without too many of them being trampled to death.
 
Up on the balcony the Painted Nox and original continue to mutually annihilate - happily our fake is smart enough to stick as close as possible to Thrune’s bodyguard, to prevent her using her own evil glaive to best effect. And the original Nox has a Baleful Gaze attack now, after tearing a pair of blinders from her eyes in a brutal display. 
 
Although that affects her own allies as well, and the Painted Nox is immune. And for that matter everybody is too busy to even notice her trying to catch their gaze. At least Shimza can do ranged healing in the form of Scorching Rays and Flaming Spheres that make people feel better (with the added bonus that the Bearded Devils pause their attacks on people that are apparently already on fire). And Civilla and Shimza can Dimension Slide to somewhere safer than the chandelier and hide in an Invisibility Sphere. And the Dire Corby we’ve been having trained by a barbarian is finally able to help in combat. She might not be optimised for Face-to-Face Combat but she’s very very good at Beak-to-Spine.
 
Ayva: Our Lady of Squawking Death.
 
Although she hasn’t actually dismembered anything but training dummies lately. We’ve been trying to teach her to use her rage constructively.
 
Ayva in Flashback: ‘No no, you don’t cut them in half, because that’s murder. And murder is…?’ ‘... and Murder is wrong’
Rajira in Flashback: No, murder is crows.
 
Still, the Bearded Devil that Chough lands behind is definitely going to be murdered, after she grabs each side of his head and tears him in half down the middle.
 
Chough: RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGE
 
Upstairs, our Painted Nox prevents the original from using the gaze attack again. Or gazing at anything ever again, by slicing her shiny magical glaive through both Nox’s eyes. If that WAS Cizmerkis the Xill killed, then the original Nox might just have been released from her contract, and is free to flee. Not that she can see to flee. Further, since it was Civilla’s Xill that landed the killing blow, she might be able to claim Nox’s contract by Right of Conquest. 
 
Terzo OoC: You MIGHT want to consult a lawyer on that idea first.
 
It probably won’t matter anyway - Civilla shadow-conjures a Holy Javelin and runs her through - Arcane Casters are ridiculously versatile. The original Nox staggers as holy light and clarions ravage her, and gets pushed out a window to a Disney Death. Where everybody can see that there are clearly two Noxs, and this one was some kind of abomination, and our one a blazing figure of goodness.
 
Rajira’s player: Oh god, we’re conflating two great songs - Blinded By The Light and Holy Diver.
 
The Bone Devil manages to critically injure itself (possibly it was blinded by the light of the Nox Kebab) but the Erinyes mages to mortally wound Terzo even as he’s trying to assist his friends with their own injuries. It can also see straight through the Invisibility Sphere. It’s just as well Shimza has an Amulet of Life’s Breath that Civilla made for her, to keep her going beyond any normal amount of injury.  
 
Civilla: We magic-users know exactly how squishy we are. 
 
At least the burrowing Ankylosaur continues to be effective. At the very least the nearly dead Ayva can hide behind it.
 
Civilla: I brought a siege engine to a knife fight.
 
Chough is certainly going through the opposition like a Ballista, too. She nearly kills a second Devil as it’s trying to Greater Teleport out of her way. And then the Ankylosaur becomes even more like a siege weapon, because Ayva casts Fly on it (and Rajira), from where she was hiding underneath. The Bone Devil and the Erinyes certainly weren’t expecting THAT. The concussed Erinyes crashes to earth just as the Euphoric Cloud obscuring half the room disperses. 
 
Rajira yells to Terzo get in behind the Erinyes while she attacks from the front, but this nearly backfires terribly as the Bone Devil casts Hemisphere of Ice first - or attempts to. It would seem it forgot about the Ankylosaur. You’d think a Flying Chthonic Ankylosaur would be difficult to forget. The devil gets thagomized in the face. At least if it suffers True Death at the dinosaur's tailclub it won’t have to explain to anybody what happened. That would just be embarrassing.
 
Painted Nox does a Superhero Landing from the balcony (Constructs with Regeneration don’t have to worry about broken ankles) and contributes to the flanking on the Erinyes. Rajira Flies in to the attack. Chough leaps clear across the orchestra pit to contribute some properly directed violence. Ayva adds Mydriatic Spontaneity, to keep the devil’s pupils constantly dilating and contracting and leaving it half-blind and nauseated. The dottari still intoxicated by the Euphoric Cloud watch all this with fascination, swaying slightly.
 

 
Ayva OoC: I can't wait until Civilla can summon Chthonic T. Rexes. 
Terzo OoC: We’ve all seen that episode of The Goodies.
 

Regardless of how the next few minutes play out, the rebellion in Kintargo is going to have to wildly revise their threat estimate of Lord-Mayor Barzillai Thrune. The trap he laid would have devastated us, even if we hadn’t shown up. But it’s equally shocking how many resources he must have expended setting this up. 
 
Consider - in the Red Corner : Dozens of heavily armed Dotarri, Half a dozen Bearded Devils, a huge Bone Devil, an Erinyes, and a Contract Devil. Each of the devils has been concealed with expensive glamours and magical items until it was time to slaughter everybody in the building.
 
In the Blue Corner - Four artists and intellectuals and a few of their friends.
 
The Ghosts of Kintargo are not people suited to mass combat. In fact, our only member suited for face-to-face combat is Rajira’s cousin Mahat, who no doubt we’ll find sitting on a pile of dead Dotarri outside, later. Rajira is pretty deft with a kukri, true, but she got most of her skill at interpersonal violence while training for the Opera.
 
At least the Contract Devil is dead, if that was indeed Cizmerkis disguised as Thrune on the stage. And the Dotarri are clearly dismayed by the apparent death of their Lord-Mayor. But we're still seriously outnumbered, some of us are already badly wounded, and the assorted Devils have clearly identified us as People That Need To Die. Unfortunately the really big Azata is really a really big Bone Devil. They can turn invisible. And Fly. As Civilla, still up in the chandelier, will shortly learn to her cost. The Azata that was already flying is actually an Erinyes, and a horribly efficient sniper. And Rajira is having really, really bad luck avoiding the Bearded Devils. And one of the latter is paying attention to Terzo again. 
 
Then Civilla drops a Chthonic Ankylosaur onto the stage.
 
Civilla: If I kept the Xill around there was a real chance somebody would get implanted with more Xill.
Ayva: The opera about these events is going to be hilarious.
 
Happily, if Terzo dashes to the front of the orchestra pit then most of the party (and the Ankylosaur) can be buffed with the spell Good Hope. Another aria arises from the chaos.
 
Ayva: I can’t WAIT to see this opera.
 
Some of our other allies - Captain Cassius Sargaeta of the Chellish Navy, his boyfriend Marquel Aulorian, and the faerie dragon Vendalfek - keep working on getting the civilians out of the building alive, without too many of them being trampled to death.
 
Up on the balcony the Painted Nox and original continue to mutually annihilate - happily our fake is smart enough to stick as close as possible to Thrune’s bodyguard, to prevent her using her own evil glaive to best effect. And the original Nox has a Baleful Gaze attack now, after tearing a pair of blinders from her eyes in a brutal display. 
 
Although that affects her own allies as well, and the Painted Nox is immune. And for that matter everybody is too busy to even notice her trying to catch their gaze. At least Shimza can do ranged healing in the form of Scorching Rays and Flaming Spheres that make people feel better (with the added bonus that the Bearded Devils pause their attacks on people that are apparently already on fire). And Civilla and Shimza can Dimension Slide to somewhere safer than the chandelier and hide in an Invisibility Sphere. And the Dire Corby we’ve been having trained by a barbarian is finally able to help in combat. She might not be optimised for Face-to-Face Combat but she’s very very good at Beak-to-Spine.
 
Ayva: Our Lady of Squawking Death.
 
Although she hasn’t actually dismembered anything but training dummies lately. We’ve been trying to teach her to use her rage constructively.
 
Ayva in Flashback: ‘No no, you don’t cut them in half, because that’s murder. And murder is…?’ ‘... and Murder is wrong’
Rajira in Flashback: No, murder is crows.
 
Still, the Bearded Devil that Chough lands behind is definitely going to be murdered, after she grabs each side of his head and tears him in half down the middle.
 
Chough: RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGE
 
Upstairs, our Painted Nox prevents the original from using the gaze attack again. Or gazing at anything ever again, by slicing her shiny magical glaive through both Nox’s eyes. If that WAS Cizmerkis the Xill killed, then the original Nox might just have been released from her contract, and is free to flee. Not that she can see to flee. Further, since it was Civilla’s Xill that landed the killing blow, she might be able to claim Nox’s contract by Right of Conquest. 
 
Terzo OoC: You MIGHT want to consult a lawyer on that idea first.
 
It probably won’t matter anyway - Civilla shadow-conjures a Holy Javelin and runs her through - Arcane Casters are ridiculously versatile. The original Nox staggers as holy light and clarions ravage her, and gets pushed out a window to a Disney Death. Where everybody can see that there are clearly two Noxs, and this one was some kind of abomination, and our one a blazing figure of goodness.
 
Rajira’s player: Oh god, we’re conflating two great songs - Blinded By The Light and Holy Diver.
 
The Bone Devil manages to critically injure itself (possibly it was blinded by the light of the Nox Kebab) but the Erinyes mages to mortally wound Terzo even as he’s trying to assist his friends with their own injuries. It can also see straight through the Invisibility Sphere. It’s just as well Shimza has an Amulet of Life’s Breath that Civilla made for her, to keep her going beyond any normal amount of injury.  
 
Civilla: We magic-users know exactly how squishy we are. 
 
At least the burrowing Ankylosaur continues to be effective. At the very least the nearly dead Ayva can hide behind it.
 
Civilla: I brought a siege engine to a knife fight.
 
Chough is certainly going through the opposition like a Ballista, too. She nearly kills a second Devil as it’s trying to Greater Teleport out of her way. And then the Ankylosaur becomes even more like a siege weapon, because Ayva casts Fly on it (and Rajira), from where she was hiding underneath. The Bone Devil and the Erinyes certainly weren’t expecting THAT. The concussed Erinyes crashes to earth just as the Euphoric Cloud obscuring half the room disperses. 
 
Rajira yells to Terzo get in behind the Erinyes while she attacks from the front, but this nearly backfires terribly as the Bone Devil casts Hemisphere of Ice first - or attempts to. It would seem it forgot about the Ankylosaur. You’d think a Flying Chthonic Ankylosaur would be difficult to forget. The devil gets thagomized in the face. At least if it suffers True Death at the dinosaur's tailclub it won’t have to explain to anybody what happened. That would just be embarrassing.
 
Painted Nox does a Superhero Landing from the balcony (Constructs with Regeneration don’t have to worry about broken ankles) and contributes to the flanking on the Erinyes. Rajira Flies in to the attack. Chough leaps clear across the orchestra pit to contribute some properly directed violence. Ayva adds Mydriatic Spontaneity, to keep the devil’s pupils constantly dilating and contracting and leaving it half-blind and nauseated. The dottari still intoxicated by the Euphoric Cloud watch all this with fascination, swaying slightly.
 

 
Ayva OoC: I can't wait until Civilla can summon Chthonic T. Rexes. 
Terzo OoC: We’ve all seen that episode of The Goodies.
 

Gonno the Oread and Galiante the Tiefling are parents again - a son, whom they name Vyndos. Surprisingly, he’s fully human. Shev’s a dad as well. He considers that a good time to quit being a troubleshooter for the town. 
 
Shev: I’m not adventuring anymore, I have a business to run and a kid now.
Arram: After the whole thing getting a wedding gift for you I’m glad we didn’t have to do it again. 
 
Arram has his own problems - another woman in town has made it clear she considers him Selversgard’s Most Eligible Bachelor. He endeavors to prevent the problematic love triangle before it becomes acute. He also finalises his purchase of the Tolland Manor, on the condition he converts the downstairs into the new schoolhouse. The Council want to turn the previous schoolhouse back into a warehouse.
 
Arram: But I’d bought that one too.
Gonno: And the Council want to buy it back. 
 
Miya’s dojo got formally accredited by the Church of Irori, the god of self-perfection (although the GM initially said Kord, the Stormlord).
 
Shev: You’ve lost all cred - now you’re *official*.
Arram: The Church of Kord is basically an association of very friendly gym-bros.
 
Skave is still coming to terms with being a widower, and thus turns down the advances of another Ysoki. She is annoyed, but doesn’t seem to be planning any vengeances. 
 
People wander in and out of Selversgard all the time. Some are just seeking work, or fleeing trouble in their past residence, but recently somebody arrived that will challenge Arram’s position as M.E.B. - a flamboyant aquatic elf pirate who says his name is Eddison, plonked his feet up on a table in one of the taverns, and made himself at home. He says he used to work at a restaurant in Magnimar, L'Anus Serré. He’s one of those people that people either adore or deeply dislike. The Blue Dragon inn provides him with work, once income becomes necessary. 
 
A bit after that, on the festival day of Cayden Cailean’s ascension to godhood after a drunken bet, Hellknights turn up in town. Fortunately, one of them is Alveson, from the Order of the Nail. He’s back to having two arms, at least. They’re here to let us know they’ve hunted down three of the chain devils, but the fourth evades them.
 
Alveson: We were hoping to hire a boat so we could return to base without having to cross country again.
Skave: Sure, sure. Come this way and we’ll get some beers in you first.
Alveson: That would be most welcome.
 
At least Hellknights of the Nail aren’t Fun Police, and welcome good beer and hot food especially on a clear and very cold night like tonight. One of the other employers asks Eddison if he’s seen Mikki anywhere - she was scheduled to do a dance number in 15 minutes. Probably a more tasteful dance than is happening at the Fisherman’s Arms. 
 
Arram: I try not to drink too much, what with the whole ‘shooting fire from my hands’ thing. So I come to the tavern with the better food. 
Eddison OoC: Which is the Blue Dragon, since I started working here.
 
Arram pops upstairs to Mikki’s room while Eddison manages the crowd. He finds her in bed with one of the Hellknights.
 
Arram: Ah, Mikki, you’re on soon.
Mikki: I’m off soon.
Eddison OoC: Just as well I didn’t come upstairs myself - I’d have left the door open while I said that.
 
Mikki does make it to stage on time, and her paramour descends to rejoin the party looking only slightly flustered. The party winds up earlier than it might, but people want to get home before their doorlocks freeze off.
 
Arram: And it’s Ascension Day, we started early. 
 
Gonno and Galiante are reeling homewards from the Fisherman’s Arms singing ‘Show Me The Way To Go Home’. 
 
Eddison OoC: So we can expect a third sprog in 9 months.
 
Eddison: What’s up Mikki, you’re looking a bit down there.
Mikki: Well, it’s hard to celebrate when you’re this sore.
 
Apparently the Hellknight was a bit rough.
 
Mikki: I got well and truly Nailed.
 
Eddison arranges a hot bath. He has a few magical tricks that will help, but then he’s a failed wizard.
 
Mikki: You’re an angel.
Arram: By ‘failed wizard’ did they open the door first?
Eddison: I was allowed to leave upright.
 
Skave, who is busily drinking himself blotto, is distracted from this important task by growling in the common room, currently full of cheerful drunk and asleep customers. One of the Hellknight is standing upright, snarling, ripping off his uniform, and sprouting a muzzle and a lot of hair. The Ysoki reaches for the Panacea he prepared earlier - sobriety seems required.
 
Skave: Cool, I haven’t seen one of these in a while - *glug* - wait, this is an issue. ARRAM WE HAVE A PROBLEM. Easy boy, easy!
 
Sudden Werewolf is probably bad, since the town militia doesn’t have a specific warning signal for lycanthropes, and Eddison only prepared a few entertainment spells for the holiday. Fortunately one of them is Snapdragon Fireworks. And Arram had Web prepared.
 
Mikki: What the hell is going on?
Eddison: WEREWOLF
Mikki: Werewolf? Oh cr*p. *starts singing some magical encouragement*
 
The werewolf breaks free of the web (briefly) and goes for Mikki. Eddison has a suspicion exactly which Hellknight this was.
 
Arram: I’ve got precisely one more combat spell that’s safe to use in a building. RAY OF FROST.
 
The werewolf tries to bite away the webbing restraining it, bites itself instead, and passes out.
 
Arram: …. Did I just knock it out with a Web spell?
Miya: It knocked ITSELF out with your web spell. Remember that when you tell the story later. 
 
While Arram and Eddison debate the best way to secure the werewolf, he reverts to human. Unfortunately he’s not just unconscious, he’s dead. Mikki, now wearing a robe, comes to check his identity.
 
Mikki: F***!  F***! F***!
Arram: … I hope that is not a vector of transmission.
Eddison: Er, exactly how rough was he, earlier.
Mikki: Rough, strong, no he didn’t bite me.
Arram: I’m not an expert and I’m HAPPY to do more research but I’m pretty sure you're fine.
Mikki: What if I’m not, what if I turn into a monster??
Eddison: I’m sure that’s not going to happen, and you know why? You danced so well that Cayden Cailean wouldn’t let it happen.
Mikki: Well thanks, but I’m Desnan.
 
The remaining Hellknights are a bit shocked. And get a dressing down from Eddison about how they didn’t even suspect lycanthropy after a wolf ran up to them in the middle of the night, in a swampy area with a stream running through it south of town, savaged one of their hands, and ran off again. The woods around Selversgard are notorious for lycanthropes.
 
Miya: Wait, the full moon isn’t for weeks. 
 
That is certainly odd. Newly turned werewolves shouldn't transform until the next full moon. At least they’re not infectious until they turn themselves. Closer examination reveals a dot of transformative magic inside the late Hellknight’s hand - a small black barbed teardrop. Arram pries it out into a silver dish, just in case. The transformative aura is fading, but Arram can’t tell what the teardrop is made of.
 
Skave: Hmm?
Arram: I swear to god if you try to touch this I’ll cut your hand off.
 
It’s made of volcanic glass - good for making temporary magic items. There’s one volcanic area up on the plateau, but obsidian is not widely available around here. Arram runs off to get the druid Silas (Mayor this year)  before the magical aura fades completely.
 
Eddison may be a Caileanite, but he did do a Harrow reading early that makes a little more sense in retrospect, and Desna-worshippers like Mikki should appreciate it and at the very least it should distract her from her worries. Admittedly the ‘outsider threatening the community’ probably refers to something we already know about.
 
Arram: Yeah, that’s the chain devil, it’s been running around loose for months.
 
Silas examines the obsidian flake and recognises that it’s not just transmutation magic but druidic magic. That could make it much more infectious, theoretically, if it’s exploiting the natural essences of growth and change. Bad news for Mikki.
 
Arram: At least the contraceptive spell is entry-level magic at the Bardic college.
 
Assuming she actually uses that spell, or the prophylactic tea based on the Desna’s Starflower. She assures Eddison that she doesn’t actually require either, thanks to a very serious injury suffered when she was younger, and can’t currently afford to have magically restored. 
 
Eddison: Well, something to fix later. Wait, you’re human - not that much later. 
 
After everybody else crawls off to bed or their alchemical lab, Arram has some questions for Eddison - he was clearly using a golden flagon to add alchemical modifications to his magic. They also discuss what it’s like to be kicked out of wizard school vs. being a sorcerer who finished his education at one.
 
Eddison: I just wanted to have fun. Filling a dormitory with followers of Lymnieris (the empyreal lord of prostitution, rites of passage, and virginity) was probably the final straw.
 
Gonno OoC: Eddison isn’t one of Selversgard’s official troubleshooters yet
GM: When did you become official?
Gonno OoC: By ‘official’ I mean ‘default’.
 
Skave wakes up with a head that feels like it’s three feet across and full of sawdust. This is probably a good time to remember some of Cayden Cailean’s divine advice - ‘Things that seem like great ideas when you’re drunk do not always still seem like great ideas the next morning’, and ‘the importance of moderation’.
 
Eddison: “Dude, you became a god after you went on a bender so extreme you DON'T REMEMBER how you became a god.”
 
It’s debatable that anybody would trust a lycanthropy cure Skave brews under normal conditions, let alone one he brews when he has a hangover like this. Of course we don’t need to brew one for the Hellknight, since he’s dead.
 
Miya: We cured him, technically.
 
But there’s still the possibility that Mikki is infected, and it’s unlikely she'll appreciate one treatment plan Arram and Skave come up with - kill her and resurrect her. For one thing neither of them can cast Resurrection.
 
Gonno OoC: I know you can work miracles with your hangover cures, but there are limits.
 
Of course, as an Outsider Gonno is immune to Lycanthropy, so putting him at the front of whatever troubleshooting is required sounds like a good idea. Silas of the Green comes to meet Skave, with a goodberry for the hangover and the obsidian chip in a protective glass case. He wants the alchemist's opinion, and Skave invites him into the lab.
 
Silas: Will it be safe?
Skave: Statistically, no.
 
The chip is imbued with magic that is based on the principles of similarity - the victim is infected with the essence of another werewolf. This is very bad news for Mikki, if the other werewolf is a natural werewolf. They probably ARE going to need an anti-lycanthropy potion. And given how incredibly poisonous Aconite is, probably cast Bear’s Endurance and other Fortitude buffs on Mikki first. She grabs the flask and sculls it.
 
Gonno: Are you SURE you’re not a follower of Cayden Cailean?
Eddison: I think she’s making a definitive statement of ‘Better Dead Than Furry’.
 
The side effects are unpleasant, We’ll probably have to wait an hour to see if they’re fatal. And a few more days to see if it even worked.
 
Arram: It’s a tad grim…but I’ve got a couple of heavy steel tables with manacles at the back of my house.
 
Alternatively, find the other werewolf and sever the connection there.
 
Arram: I assume in the traditional manner?
Silas: If you mean decapitation, yes.
 
Silas’ druid circle might consider werewolves an abomination, but that doesn’t mean they all do.
 
Arram: Organised religion doesn’t have the monopoly on schisms.
 
At least we have the obsidian chip to use as a divination aid for locating the werewolves and druids involved. Pity they didn’t wait until the Hellknights had finished off that last chain devil. If it was the Sons of Ash druid circle they need to be sent a message - “don’t mess with Selversgard”.
 
Eddison: Well, I wish you all well with that… why are you looking at me like that.
Mikki: Oh god i want to die.
Eddison: Well apparently these guys want me to as well.
Roger, The Blue Dragon’s Owner: Well the way I see it you have two choices - you can go with them and help or you can stay here and wipe Mikki’s A** every time she makes a mess.
Eddison: …. …. I’m thinking about it.
 
At least the elf has a Go-Bag for emergencies like this. Gonno’s extraplanar ancestry apparently makes him immune to hangovers, which saves some time too. Moving at speed we can reach the ford where the Hellknight was attacked within 4 hours. Although the weather isn’t the best.
 
Arram: I’ve been under the effect of Endure Elements for the last seven years.
Eddison: And I’m an aquatic elf
Skave: And I’m a half-drowned rat.
 
Arram: The necklace can detect Wet Dog in this direction. 
 
The Werewolf-detector 3000 leads us to a cottage in the wilderness.
 
Arram: We’ve found grandma’s house and thankfully we bought a lumberjack.
 
Gonno goes to knock on the door and falls into a spike pit. With poisoned spikes.
 
Gonno: … ow.
Arram: You alright down there, Gonno?
Gonno: Not entirely.
 
And then Miya gets shot by somebody who’s stuck their head up through the thatch. Arram retaliates with Burning Hands.
 
GM: There’s a good chance that will set the thatch on fire.
Arram: One problem at a time. She DID just launch an unprovoked attack on us when we’re hunting a werewolf.
 
At least it’s wet thatch, or was, before the Burning Hands. Miya, Skave and Gonno crowd up against the wall so they don’t get sniped. Gonno attempts to kick the door in without falling into the pit again. Skave finds a hidden door, which is promising. 
 
And then the chain devil turns up, which is not. At least she’s smiling at us from where she’s sitting on the fence, as her chains destroy the rest of the door. That MIGHT be a positive sign?
 
https://pathfinder.fandom.com/wiki/Kyton?file=Kyton.jpg
 
Eddison: Hiiiiii?
 
The woman that was sniping at us is downing a potion, and growing a muzzle and fur. So we have a werewolf on one side and a cenobite on the other.
 
Gonno: I think I was better off down the pit.
 
The Kyton raises its hands.
 
Kyton: I am not planning on being a threat to you. You should probably deal with that werewolf first - and then we can reason together.
Skaven: Oh great, a deal with a demon.
Arram: Devil.
Kyton: It’s complicated.
 
At least the werewolf goes down after a few rounds of mauling Gonno with a silver scimitar, kukri, and non-silver teeth. The Kyton still wants to parley.
 
Kyton: And you had some association with the Hellknights?
Arram: … Allies, of a sort.
Kyton: I hope you don’t share their desire to execute me?
Arram: To be completely honest we only found out there was one of you left last night, and if this werewolf thing hadn’t come up we probably would have organised a hunting party.
Kyton: That’s unfortunate.
 
The Kyton assures us that it has no interest in whatever town we’re from, and will limit its attention to the countryside where it can continue its fun vacation to the Material Plane. It even offers to pay rent, but Eddison hurriedly points out that any deal with devils is never going to end well. Arram suggests that if it DOES limit itself to the countryside we won’t tell the Hellknights we saw her. Gonno strongly suggests she head towards the Cinderlands - if she’s going to go around mutilating people then please let it be the marauding Orc tribes. 
 
Arram: No offense but I hope we never see each other again.
Kyton: Oh, a handsome mortal like you? I would have quite enjoyed seeing a lot more of you.
Eddison: THAT’S HOW YOU GET TIEFLINGS
Gonno: That’s how you get SHACKLEBORN tieflings
Miya: Ugh.
Kyton: I’ve borne three myself.
 
Eddison suggests she head north by northeast - that’ll take her to the Worldwound, where a rift to the Abyss has been pouring out an endless tide of demons for years. Demons and devils do not get on, and the area is swarming with paladins as well, but it’s not like Eddison was going to tell the Chain Devil THAT.
 
We check the obsidian chip in case there’s still another werewolf around - it swings wildly on its chain, which is worrying - until we realise it’s the chain devil controlling it.
 
Kyton: I couldn’t resist.
All: 😠
Kyton: She was the only werewolf around here. Quite the dominant force. I’ve been watching.
 
The Kyton strolls off. We are not sorry to see her go. We just hope she keeps her word. 
 

Returning to Selversgard to report that the old cemetery needs reconsecrating, we discover a violent argument in the marketplace - a number of the village women have Mikki, the entertainer at one of the village pubs, surrounded. Apparently they’re accusing her of being a bad influence on the morals of the town, saying that her admittedly lascivious stage shows encourage their husbands to attend the brothel, and that’s why the ghost attacked people.
 
Arram is forced to admit that the actual reason might be because he’s purchased the manor and THAT is what has disturbed the ghost. It’s certainly a hypothesis to consider. Mikki makes her escape.
 
Gonno moved in the wrong social circles to know if Emilia had any close friends she might have confided in. She’s probably just lucky that the arranged marriage was voided whe killed herself - none of us would put it past a Chelaxian to marry the corpse.
 
Arram: Chelaxians would check the contract first.
 
But examining the interior of the manor reveals that someone has definitely been in here - someone with small bare feet. They looked around the ground floor then headed upstairs. Shev’s study of the prints suggests a small woman or adolescent, used to going shoeless. 
 
Shev: I swear the locals are part-halfling.
 
The second floor includes the family bedrooms - only one door is open, and the tracks lead in and out. It’s probably Emilia’s. Her armoire has been opened, as well. There’s still a fair number of her personal items inside - brushes, combs, some jewelry, and a conspicuous triangular gap in the dust. About the right size for a broad-bladed dagger, in its sheath. But as Gonno muses, it doesn’t make any sense for it to be the suicide weapon - why would the family have put the weapon back in her armoire, and it has clearly been moved recently. It’s all very depressing - supernaturally depressing. Gonno, Arram, and Skave fail their saves against magically induced despair.
 
Arram: Well, let's find who's responsible, I suppose.
Gonno: Is there any point? Is there any point to anything?
Arram: Yes. I quite want to stab them for making me do all this extra work.
Miya: You have a small child, Gonno. There’s one reason.
Skave: *plaintively* I want to go home now.
Shev: Let’s all get out of here.
Miya: Don’t make me get the pointy stick.
 
The despair wears off after we leave the building. We really need to talk to some of Selversgard’s oldest residents, like Gelvert the dwarf and former mayor. And think about which teenager in town is most likely to break into a boarded-up building. Vok, following the scent of the tracks, leads the party back to the Garund household. And Toby Garund, the 12-year-old son of the family, certainly fits the build of the intruder.
 
Arram: Toby, you’ve been a very naughty boy. 

Shev: I’m just thinking of his terror when his school teacher turns up at the door. ‘No no no, you’re a school thing, you don’t come to my HOUSE’.
Miya: ‘BEGONE THE SCHOOL HOLIDAYS COMPEL YOU’
 
Toby is currently out in the fields with his father. Time to go scare the short pants off him. 
 
Toby: … how.. How did you know?
Shev: Hi. I know where all you kids go.
Arram: I was going to go with the whole “I’m your teacher, I know everything’ but suddenly it’s the rat that’s the scary one.
 
The dagger is gold chased and has a ruby the size of his thumb in the pommel.
 
Shev: … yeah that’s the fetter.
 
But even returning the dagger to its place won’t necessarily put the ghost to rest. We still don’t know exactly why Emilia took her own life, beyond the obvious. Mother Maybell doesn’t want the dagger anywhere nearby.
 
Mother Maybell: Don’t get me mixed up in this!
 
Gelvert and his son Gelbert are surprised to see us, and definitely remembers the tragedy - he was one of the people organising the wedding, and had considerable business dealings with the Tollands. The wedding would have reopened the silver mine. He also recalls the high turn-over of servants at the house - and the feeling of crushing gloom even before the wedding. Emilia’s grandfather was an excellent businessman, and much more likable than Emilia’s father.
 
Gelvert: A man of his family, but the son was always a man of business. I never really liked him.
 
Gelvert doesn’t understand why Emilia killed herself - even in Selversgard no-one would have stopped her fleeing town to escape the wedding. Arram has some suspicions about that despair aura.
 
Gelvert: Young Skave, isn’t it? I hear you’re an alchemist.
Skave: Yes?
Gelvert: Emilia’s father was an alchemist, as I recall. Certainly liked to take things apart to see how they worked.
 
That’s ominous, especially if he got on so well with the Chelaxians. We now have some suspicions about that stone-lined tunnel the Ysoki unearthed beneath the manor.
 
Gelvert: You know, it’s strange but I never did find out where his lab was. And I did rely on his potions from time to time. When you get old things stop working quite as well.
 
Sennsa-Auel the elven madam might know more - she’s been running the Yellow House since the time. Old Meg, one of the fishwives, is now deceased, but she was the queen of gossip in Selversgard at the time. Perhaps one of her daughters, granddaughters, or great-granddaughters recall something. Gelvert is happy he can still be useful.
 
The manor certainly doesn’t have a basement (too close to the river’s flood level) but we do find one end of the tunnel - hidden in the servant’s stairwell. And a suspicious gap in the floorplan behind the master bedroom. Gonno can’t find any hidden doors in the stonework, but Vok can sniff out an alchemical lab even decades later. Even if it’s a combination of alchemical lab and torture dungeon. 
 
Gonno: I think we’ve found where some of the servants got to. 
 
Most of the accouterments are long since dried out, but there’s one long tube filled with grey fluid that’s still intact. It does not Detect as magical. Skave gets out a q-tip and goes to take a sample - holistic investigation is certainly his modus operandi. It attacks him.
 
Arram: I think this is a teachable moment and leave him to it.
Skave: I think we should get that thing off him, he’s got a kid!!!
 
The Ooze is horribly caustic, and also inflicts psychic damage. The Ysoki alchemist is almost overwhelmed. Those of us without ranged attacks backpedal fast. Gonno dives for two magical daggers that Arram Detected earlier. The suicidal despair it radiates certainly doesn’t help. Skave throwing a firebomb into a confined space doesn’t help either.
 
Arram: Shev I’ve always liked you but I’m going to have to kill your brother.
 
We are extremely fortunate that the thing succumbs to Arram’s Burning Hands spell, eventually. We turn to the younger Ysoki with various expressions of wrath.
 
Skave’s player: … I’ll start making a new character, then.
Miya: Skave, get up on the torture table.
 
We turn - and face the ghost. She reaches out to Arram, who offers the dagger. Her hand passes right through it, she smiles, and fades away.
 
Miya: Remind me to make an offering to Pharasma when we get out of here.

 

Lord-Mayor Barzillai Thrune, AKA “The Dogf***er”, is a man with multiple strikes against him. Firstly, he’s an Inquisitor of Asmodeus. Secondly, he’s a member of the Thrice-damned House of Thrune. Thirdly, he doesn’t like mint ice cream. This all adds up to Evil with three ‘E’s. EEEvil. Unfortunately, he’s also a bit smarter than we thought.
 
Admittedly, that might be on us. The so-called ‘Ghosts of Kintargo’ have been running around the city with so little difficulty, and successfully distracting the authorities with our fake ‘Nox the Redeemed’, that we may have started underestimating him. The fake Nox was certainly a good idea, and must have enraged Thrune no end. Even the rumours that his devil-sworn bodyguard was now working for the rebels would have been terrible PR for his administration, and there was still the question of how the Ghosts could possibly have switched her allegiance. Assuming the ‘Ghosts’ actually exist.
 
Of course, illusion magic is a thing. And further, there is absolutely nothing stopping Thrune having his own Nox. Revealing his own version, real or fake, at the Ruby Masquerade is a masterstroke, since there are over 300 of Kintargo’s richest and most influential citizens in attendance. Thrune can probably also guess that some of the rebellion leadership are in the crowd - although the jokes on him, we all are.
 
The really bad news, however, is that the dogbotherer seems willing to kill all those attendees in an effort to slander the Ghosts of Kintargo, and just said as much, as his dotarri lock the doors to the opera house with ourselves and hundreds of mostly-innocent citizens inside. And there’s the urgent question of WHY, when we’ve already established that assassinating Thrune in front of hundreds of witnesses is a bad idea, Civilla Alazario unilaterally decided to attack him. The rest of the Ghosts aren’t privy to the deal she made with the contract devil Cizmerkis, current owner of Nox's soul - and that deal was just called due.
 
Although Thrune is hopefully right about one thing - the colours of the Ghosts of Kintargo are indeed the colors of blood, of betrayal, and of death. HIS blood, betrayal, and death. He certainly seemed surprised that one of the Ghosts was standing right next to him on the stage. It’s just a pity that the assassin Rajira wasn’t standing on the other side, to stab him in the neck when he turned to yell ‘Betrayer!’ at Civilla.
 
Terzo OoC: I am trepidatious about tonight’s session. The only combat monster in the party is you.
Rajira OoC: I’m not a combat monster.
Terzo OoC: If your opponents are asleep you are.
 
And then our situation goes from bad to SO MUCH WORSE.
 
True, we’re trapped in a building with hundreds of civilians, and dozens of heavily armed dotarri and a high level Inquisitor of Asmodeus, but we’ve got Vendelfek the faerie dragon in the crowd, and Captain Sargaeta planted our fake Nox upstairs earlier. Chough, the Dire Corby adopted sister of those Kenku we recruited, has also been busy - she’s been disabling those cockatrice cages just in case Thrune WAS planning to drop them into the crowd. Alas, she isn’t in position to drop on Thrune from 60 feet up. And then, suddenly, a huge beautiful bewinged serpentine creature appears in and emerges from the orchestra pit, and a bunch of flying angelic figures drop their invisibility in the crowd, or fly in through up-stairs windows. Apparently they’re Azatas, benevolent celestials native to the plane of Elysium. Perhaps Thrune’s actions have finally provoked a response, or it’s some protocol to defend the Opera House when mass bloodshed is imminent?
 

 
Civilla: Do they have horns and are they spitting fire? No? Then they might be on our side.
 
Perhaps somebody else made plans for this evening. The Lillend Azata moves from the orchestra pit into the crowd, which panics in abject terror. Several of the party goers are crushed. Not a good start.
 
The Ghosts of Kintargo: What?!?!
 
And then one of the other Azata attacks Terzo.
 
The Ghosts of Kintargo: What?!?!?!?!!
 
The Azata are actually magically disguised Devils. 
 
The Ghosts of Kintargo: !!!!!!!!!!!
 
Even with all the rest of this happening, Civilla is skeptical that the chained Nox on the stage is the real thing - after being dismembered and scattered over multiple graves, it would take a Wish spell to locate her, let alone raise her from the dead. Our fake Nox doesn’t seem to care - the moment she spots the original her attention is entirely focused on her. Possibly we should have provided a script. Appearing on the upstairs balcony and shouting “The rumours are true, Barzillai! You DO F*** dogs.”, perhaps.
 
Civilla Dimension Slides two stories straight up, onto the chandelier, and unleashes a Xill onto Barzillai. Xills are ethereal marauders with four arms that use their poisoned mandibles to paralyze their victims and implant eggs, but right now she’s beyond caring whether they're evil or not.
 

 
To her shock, Thrune shrugs off every attack. Happily another of the fake Azata goes after Shimza and comes within claws-reach of the Xill. Although it’s extremely alarming that the Barbed Devils seem to know exactly where the Ghosts of Kintargo are in the crowd. Although it’s likely they devils have been studying the crowd and marking everybody with a Good aura that is powerful enough to be a threat. Certainly they didn’t target Rajira.
 
Rajira uses her claws and her poisonous saliva to injure Thrune, but once again he shrugs off the venom. 
 
Barzillai: You DARE attack your Mayor?!
 
He attacks with his flaming mace, which is exactly when Avya explodes into a vortex of tattooed creatures, which is certainly surprising. Thrune certainly wasn’t expecting it. Nor was Thrune’s Nox. Shimza joins Civilla in the chandelier, and casts Euphoric Cloud on some of the Bearded Devils and dotarri. It might not drug a devil, but it DOES fill a large chunk of the dance floor with obscuring fog. 
 
The real Nox spots our fake - and Dimension Doors upstairs to fight her. Terzo leaps into the orchestra pit and sings a suitable aria to inspire his friends and the crowd. The crowd, thus encouraged, rush the doors. A few get shot down, but the dotarri get trampled and the exit forced open. 
 
Ayva: Do what you’re good at, Terzo - get people out of the opera!
Terzo: RUDE.
 
The big fake Azata seals the main doors again with a wall of Ice. Happily, we have Shimza, who is notably proficient with fire. Unfortunately, another devil cast Unholy Blight into the crowd, but thankfully doesn’t kill too many people. 
Thrune DOES goes down under the Xill’s next flurry of attacks, but is not revealed as another devil. This surprises Civilla - by this point she was expecting it to be Cizmerkis, who by provoking her original attack NOW, against the wrong target, was ensuring her damnation. Although, even if it’s another fake, seeing their Lord-Mayor violently disemboweled does shock the assembled dotarri.
 
Terzo’s performance inspires the crowd again, and they start pouring out of the building. At least somebody is going to get out of here alive. Because with all the devils now focusing their attacks on the Ghosts of Kintargo, it seems quite likely that we’re not getting out ourselves.
 

Returning to Selversgard to report that the old cemetery needs reconsecrating, we discover a violent argument in the marketplace - a number of the village women have Mikki, the entertainer at one of the village pubs, surrounded. Apparently they’re accusing her of being a bad influence on the morals of the town, saying that her admittedly lascivious stage shows encourage their husbands to attend the brothel, and that’s why the ghost attacked people.
 
Arram is forced to admit that the actual reason might be because he’s purchased the manor and THAT is what has disturbed the ghost. It’s certainly a hypothesis to consider. Mikki makes her escape.
 
Gonno moved in the wrong social circles to know if Emilia had any close friends she might have confided in. She’s probably just lucky that the arranged marriage was voided whe killed herself - none of us would put it past a Chelaxian to marry the corpse.
 
Arram: Chelaxians would check the contract first.
 
But examining the interior of the manor reveals that someone has definitely been in here - someone with small bare feet. They looked around the ground floor then headed upstairs. Shev’s study of the prints suggests a small woman or adolescent, used to going shoeless. 
 
Shev: I swear the locals are part-halfling.
 
The second floor includes the family bedrooms - only one door is open, and the tracks lead in and out. It’s probably Emilia’s. Her armoire has been opened, as well. There’s still a fair number of her personal items inside - brushes, combs, some jewelry, and a conspicuous triangular gap in the dust. About the right size for a broad-bladed dagger, in its sheath. But as Gonno muses, it doesn’t make any sense for it to be the suicide weapon - why would the family have put the weapon back in her armoire, and it has clearly been moved recently. It’s all very depressing - supernaturally depressing. Gonno, Arram, and Skave fail their saves against magically induced despair.
 
Arram: Well, let's find who's responsible, I suppose.
Gonno: Is there any point? Is there any point to anything?
Arram: Yes. I quite want to stab them for making me do all this extra work.
Miya: You have a small child, Gonno. There’s one reason.
Skave: *plaintively* I want to go home now.
Shev: Let’s all get out of here.
Miya: Don’t make me get the pointy stick.
 
The despair wears off after we leave the building. We really need to talk to some of Selversgard’s oldest residents, like Gelvert the dwarf and former mayor. And think about which teenager in town is most likely to break into a boarded-up building. Vok, following the scent of the tracks, leads the party back to the Garund household. And Toby Garund, the 12-year-old son of the family, certainly fits the build of the intruder.
 
Arram: Toby, you’ve been a very naughty boy. 

Shev: I’m just thinking of his terror when his school teacher turns up at the door. ‘No no no, you’re a school thing, you don’t come to my HOUSE’.
Miya: ‘BEGONE THE SCHOOL HOLIDAYS COMPEL YOU’
 
Toby is currently out in the fields with his father. Time to go scare the short pants off him. 
 
Toby: … how.. How did you know?
Shev: Hi. I know where all you kids go.
Arram: I was going to go with the whole “I’m your teacher, I know everything’ but suddenly it’s the rat that’s the scary one.
 
The dagger is gold chased and has a ruby the size of his thumb in the pommel.
 
Shev: … yeah that’s the fetter.
 
But even returning the dagger to its place won’t necessarily put the ghost to rest. We still don’t know exactly why Emilia took her own life, beyond the obvious. Mother Maybell doesn’t want the dagger anywhere nearby.
 
Mother Maybell: Don’t get me mixed up in this!
 
Gelvert and his son Gelbert are surprised to see us, and definitely remembers the tragedy - he was one of the people organising the wedding, and had considerable business dealings with the Tollands. The wedding would have reopened the silver mine. He also recalls the high turn-over of servants at the house - and the feeling of crushing gloom even before the wedding. Emilia’s grandfather was an excellent businessman, and much more likable than Emilia’s father.
 
Gelvert: A man of his family, but the son was always a man of business. I never really liked him.
 
Gelvert doesn’t understand why Emilia killed herself - even in Selversgard no-one would have stopped her fleeing town to escape the wedding. Arram has some suspicions about that despair aura.
 
Gelvert: Young Skave, isn’t it? I hear you’re an alchemist.
Skave: Yes?
Gelvert: Emilia’s father was an alchemist, as I recall. Certainly liked to take things apart to see how they worked.
 
That’s ominous, especially if he got on so well with the Chelaxians. We now have some suspicions about that stone-lined tunnel the Ysoki unearthed beneath the manor.
 
Gelvert: You know, it’s strange but I never did find out where his lab was. And I did rely on his potions from time to time. When you get old things stop working quite as well.
 
Sennsa-Auel the elven madam might know more - she’s been running the Yellow House since the time. Old Meg, one of the fishwives, is now deceased, but she was the queen of gossip in Selversgard at the time. Perhaps one of her daughters, granddaughters, or great-granddaughters recall something. Gelvert is happy he can still be useful.
 
The manor certainly doesn’t have a basement (too close to the river’s flood level) but we do find one end of the tunnel - hidden in the servant’s stairwell. And a suspicious gap in the floorplan behind the master bedroom. Gonno can’t find any hidden doors in the stonework, but Vok can sniff out an alchemical lab even decades later. Even if it’s a combination of alchemical lab and torture dungeon. 
 
Gonno: I think we’ve found where some of the servants got to. 
 
Most of the accouterments are long since dried out, but there’s one long tube filled with grey fluid that’s still intact. It does not Detect as magical. Skave gets out a q-tip and goes to take a sample - holistic investigation is certainly his modus operandi. It attacks him.
 
Arram: I think this is a teachable moment and leave him to it.
Skave: I think we should get that thing off him, he’s got a kid!!!
 
The Ooze is horribly caustic, and also inflicts psychic damage. The Ysoki alchemist is almost overwhelmed. Those of us without ranged attacks backpedal fast. Gonno dives for two magical daggers that Arram Detected earlier. The suicidal despair it radiates certainly doesn’t help. Skave throwing a firebomb into a confined space doesn’t help either.
 
Arram: Shev I’ve always liked you but I’m going to have to kill your brother.
 
We are extremely fortunate that the thing succumbs to Arram’s Burning Hands spell, eventually. We turn to the younger Ysoki with various expressions of wrath.
 
Skave’s player: … I’ll start making a new character, then.
Miya: Skave, get up on the torture table.
 
We turn - and face the ghost. She reaches out to Arram, who offers the dagger. Her hand passes right through it, she smiles, and fades away.
 
Miya: Remind me to make an offering to Pharasma when we get out of here.

 

Lord-Mayor Barzillai Thrune, AKA “The Dogf***er”, is a man with multiple strikes against him. Firstly, he’s an Inquisitor of Asmodeus. Secondly, he’s a member of the Thrice-damned House of Thrune. Thirdly, he doesn’t like mint ice cream. This all adds up to Evil with three ‘E’s. EEEvil. Unfortunately, he’s also a bit smarter than we thought.
 
Admittedly, that might be on us. The so-called ‘Ghosts of Kintargo’ have been running around the city with so little difficulty, and successfully distracting the authorities with our fake ‘Nox the Redeemed’, that we may have started underestimating him. The fake Nox was certainly a good idea, and must have enraged Thrune no end. Even the rumours that his devil-sworn bodyguard was now working for the rebels would have been terrible PR for his administration, and there was still the question of how the Ghosts could possibly have switched her allegiance. Assuming the ‘Ghosts’ actually exist.
 
Of course, illusion magic is a thing. And further, there is absolutely nothing stopping Thrune having his own Nox. Revealing his own version, real or fake, at the Ruby Masquerade is a masterstroke, since there are over 300 of Kintargo’s richest and most influential citizens in attendance. Thrune can probably also guess that some of the rebellion leadership are in the crowd - although the jokes on him, we all are.
 
The really bad news, however, is that the dogbotherer seems willing to kill all those attendees in an effort to slander the Ghosts of Kintargo, and just said as much, as his dotarri lock the doors to the opera house with ourselves and hundreds of mostly-innocent citizens inside. And there’s the urgent question of WHY, when we’ve already established that assassinating Thrune in front of hundreds of witnesses is a bad idea, Civilla Alazario unilaterally decided to attack him. The rest of the Ghosts aren’t privy to the deal she made with the contract devil Cizmerkis, current owner of Nox's soul - and that deal was just called due.
 
Although Thrune is hopefully right about one thing - the colours of the Ghosts of Kintargo are indeed the colors of blood, of betrayal, and of death. HIS blood, betrayal, and death. He certainly seemed surprised that one of the Ghosts was standing right next to him on the stage. It’s just a pity that the assassin Rajira wasn’t standing on the other side, to stab him in the neck when he turned to yell ‘Betrayer!’ at Civilla.
 
Terzo OoC: I am trepidatious about tonight’s session. The only combat monster in the party is you.
Rajira OoC: I’m not a combat monster.
Terzo OoC: If your opponents are asleep you are.
 
And then our situation goes from bad to SO MUCH WORSE.
 
True, we’re trapped in a building with hundreds of civilians, and dozens of heavily armed dotarri and a high level Inquisitor of Asmodeus, but we’ve got Vendelfek the faerie dragon in the crowd, and Captain Sargaeta planted our fake Nox upstairs earlier. Chough, the Dire Corby adopted sister of those Kenku we recruited, has also been busy - she’s been disabling those cockatrice cages just in case Thrune WAS planning to drop them into the crowd. Alas, she isn’t in position to drop on Thrune from 60 feet up. And then, suddenly, a huge beautiful bewinged serpentine creature appears in and emerges from the orchestra pit, and a bunch of flying angelic figures drop their invisibility in the crowd, or fly in through up-stairs windows. Apparently they’re Azatas, benevolent celestials native to the plane of Elysium. Perhaps Thrune’s actions have finally provoked a response, or it’s some protocol to defend the Opera House when mass bloodshed is imminent?
 

 
Civilla: Do they have horns and are they spitting fire? No? Then they might be on our side.
 
Perhaps somebody else made plans for this evening. The Lillend Azata moves from the orchestra pit into the crowd, which panics in abject terror. Several of the party goers are crushed. Not a good start.
 
The Ghosts of Kintargo: What?!?!
 
And then one of the other Azata attacks Terzo.
 
The Ghosts of Kintargo: What?!?!?!?!!
 
The Azata are actually magically disguised Devils. 
 
The Ghosts of Kintargo: !!!!!!!!!!!
 
Even with all the rest of this happening, Civilla is skeptical that the chained Nox on the stage is the real thing - after being dismembered and scattered over multiple graves, it would take a Wish spell to locate her, let alone raise her from the dead. Our fake Nox doesn’t seem to care - the moment she spots the original her attention is entirely focused on her. Possibly we should have provided a script. Appearing on the upstairs balcony and shouting “The rumours are true, Barzillai! You DO F*** dogs.”, perhaps.
 
Civilla Dimension Slides two stories straight up, onto the chandelier, and unleashes a Xill onto Barzillai. Xills are ethereal marauders with four arms that use their poisoned mandibles to paralyze their victims and implant eggs, but right now she’s beyond caring whether they're evil or not.
 

 
To her shock, Thrune shrugs off every attack. Happily another of the fake Azata goes after Shimza and comes within claws-reach of the Xill. Although it’s extremely alarming that the Barbed Devils seem to know exactly where the Ghosts of Kintargo are in the crowd. Although it’s likely they devils have been studying the crowd and marking everybody with a Good aura that is powerful enough to be a threat. Certainly they didn’t target Rajira.
 
Rajira uses her claws and her poisonous saliva to injure Thrune, but once again he shrugs off the venom. 
 
Barzillai: You DARE attack your Mayor?!
 
He attacks with his flaming mace, which is exactly when Avya explodes into a vortex of tattooed creatures, which is certainly surprising. Thrune certainly wasn’t expecting it. Nor was Thrune’s Nox. Shimza joins Civilla in the chandelier, and casts Euphoric Cloud on some of the Bearded Devils and dotarri. It might not drug a devil, but it DOES fill a large chunk of the dance floor with obscuring fog. 
 
The real Nox spots our fake - and Dimension Doors upstairs to fight her. Terzo leaps into the orchestra pit and sings a suitable aria to inspire his friends and the crowd. The crowd, thus encouraged, rush the doors. A few get shot down, but the dotarri get trampled and the exit forced open. 
 
Ayva: Do what you’re good at, Terzo - get people out of the opera!
Terzo: RUDE.
 
The big fake Azata seals the main doors again with a wall of Ice. Happily, we have Shimza, who is notably proficient with fire. Unfortunately, another devil cast Unholy Blight into the crowd, but thankfully doesn’t kill too many people. 
Thrune DOES goes down under the Xill’s next flurry of attacks, but is not revealed as another devil. This surprises Civilla - by this point she was expecting it to be Cizmerkis, who by provoking her original attack NOW, against the wrong target, was ensuring her damnation. Although, even if it’s another fake, seeing their Lord-Mayor violently disemboweled does shock the assembled dotarri.
 
Terzo’s performance inspires the crowd again, and they start pouring out of the building. At least somebody is going to get out of here alive. Because with all the devils now focusing their attacks on the Ghosts of Kintargo, it seems quite likely that we’re not getting out ourselves.
 

Pathfinder - Selversgard - Pt.12
 
4713AR
 
Shev has expanded his first business and now has a fellow Ysoki in his employ running a regular package run along the Skull River, taking advantage of the all-terrain nature of the riding rats that he has been breeding. He has also established a hunting lodge about half a day’s trek out of town to tend to the forest and hopefully host the occasional hunt for out-of-town worthies.
 
Shev’s player: There’s more than one way to read that last bit.
Gonno’s player: The Most Dangerous Game
GM: No, around here the Most Dangerous Game is the Tarrasque.
 
Arram is just on his way home one evening when he hears screams down the street, from the Yellow House, Selversgard’s brothel. The owner of the business, an elven sorceress, is helping one of her employees out of the building.
 
Sennsa-Auel: Oh thank goodness - I’ve driven it off, but can you get Mara to Mother Maybell?
Arram: What happened?
Sennsa-Auel: A ghost, if you can believe it. A f***ing ghost!
 
The wounds are certainly weird, and a wandering ghost is also very weird - as Selversgard’s only magical healer (aside from Remilda), Mother Maybell the Pharasman priestess is the closest thing we have to an authority on the undead. She suspects the ghost has a touch that causes flesh to tear itself apart.
 
Krigor, the current mayor, is just as baffled as everybody else. Why the heck would Selversgard have a ghost? Unless it’s because they’ve opened the Tolland Manor for the first time in years. There’s no sign of the John that was in the room with Mara - one Jesse Garund. Jesse is married, so his wife isn’t going to be happy when she finds out what he’s been up to during the evening. Doesn’t explain why some kind of ghost bride would take an interest in his extracurriculars, though. 
 
Remilda: You should get Shev, he hunts *anything*
 
Skave has some information - he’s been looking into the fall of the Tolland family. Their downfall began when their eldest daughter Emilia took her own life 40 years ago, rather than go ahead with an arranged marriage to an old mining magnate from Magnimar. It’s certainly a recipe for a ghost. Apparently she stabbed herself repeatedly on the morning of her wedding, in her room. Of course, there were no actual witnesses. And the room was locked. 
 
It would seem we have to investigate a 40 year old death. At least Krigor was captain of the militia at the time, and Gonno had been living in the town for decades. 
 
Miya: I believe you call that ‘being a suspect’
GM: Gonno is many things but ‘fitting through that window’ is not one of them.
Shev: I keep forgetting how old you people all are.
Skave: I’m going to go get as much holy water as I can carry.
Shev: You’ll have to wake Mother Maybell again.
 
Both Krigor and Gonno accepted the version of events they’d been given at the time, being unwilling to pry into the tragedy. This, in retrospect, was probably a mistake, especially if the ghost of Emilia is floating around. We should also check that Jesse Garund actually made it home. We’re met at the door by Liz Garund, who is about 8 ½ months pregnant.
 
Shev: Let’s not give her any shocks.
 
Jesse is not home yet - Liz was expecting him home from the pub an hour ago. She is distressed to hear that there was an attack, although we spare her the details such as where it happened. Shev panics a bit when Liz needs help, but after what happened to his sister-in-law that’s not surprising.
 
Shev blows his Vok-summoning whistle - we need to find the missing farmer, on a cold, moonless, windy night. Apparently he ran off into the woods, through one of the many gaps in the town’s palisade.
 
Shev: Of course they haven’t finished the palisade, they want to leave Selversgard room to expand - BUT THEN NEVER EXPAND. I’m getting very very tired of council meetings.
 
Vok and Shev track him down to where he is huddled shivering, under a bush.
 
Jesse: Shev? That you?
Shev: Let’s get you some pants and get you back to your wife - and no, I have no interest in telling your wife where you were. Do you need to ride Vok?
Jesse: I can’t ride your rat! I don’t have any pants!
Arram: Terrible manners to rub your junk on another man’s rat.
 
Shev also intends to order proper boots for everybody in town. Jesse has no idea why the ghost of Emilia Tolland is out and about.
 
Jesse: There haven’t been any Tollands in 30 years?
Arram: Famously, ghosts are of dead people.
 
Jesse has a few more details about the Tollands - the mother died of the Blue Plague shortly after the death of her daughter, and the father died of a heart attack while seeking a new and younger bride. There was a persistent rumour that he was ‘exerting himself’ with the young women at the time. Jesse also says that he was ‘exerting himself’ with Mara when the ghost appeared, moaned, and he fled in unreasoning terror.
 
Shev has heard that the ghosts of those who died in terror can inflict that terror on other people.
 
Arram: That’s not what I read into it when he said moaned. I just thought ‘coward’.
Shev: Okay. OK. I keep forgetting that it’s always sex with you hairless ones.
 
It’s also weird that the ghost was driven off by Madam Senn’s magic missiles. We can only speculate that neither Mara or Jesse were actually the ghost’s target. We’re going to have to check the family crypt - after we consult Mother Maybell.
 
Shev: She’s just going to have to live with being woken up.
Mother Maybell: At four AM?
Shev: Take it up with your goddess.
Mother Maybell: I do. Regularly.
 
Mother Maybell consults the books and diaries left to her by her predecessor, although his handwriting leaves something to be desired. Apparently Emilia’s family had the officiating cleric attempt to Raise Emilia from the dead, but she refused the call. Maybell even has the cleric’s account, but his handwriting was just as bad. It would appear the mining magnate was Chelish - no wonder the girl didn’t want to marry an Asmodean. But he DID note a force of Disruption on the Tolland house, but couldn’t identify it.
 
Arram: I can’t see an Asmodean cleric getting very far with bad handwriting. 
Miya: Imagine the Contracts. 
Maybell: Oh, I see what happened  - this is a copy. *sigh*
 
Apparently the priest in question is now one of the High Priests of Asmodeus in the capital of Cheliax - Mother Maybell has exchanged letters with him in the past.
But none of this explains why Emilia would come back NOW. We borrow the key to the old burial ground crypts. Of course none of us are equipped to face down a ghost - there’s a blanch Skave can make that will suitably enchant a weapon, but he needs Ghost Salt first to make it.
 
Shev: So first I need to take out this ghost, before I can take out this ghost. 
Arram: Right.
 
That probably explains why half of us completely botch the Perception checks at the crypt - we’re all glancing around so nervously we don’t actually see anything. We certainly don’t see the three Ghouls and a Ghast that burst out of the overgrowth and attack. Given their stench, speed, and paralysing bites, this could well be the end of us. Happily Skave stabs one right through the eye with his rapier, and Gonno literally punches one of their heads off. After the third ghoul gets killed the ghast runs off, despite the fact half of us are already paralysed.
 
Of course this MIGHT explain why Emilia is active - the ghouls have been disturbing the graves. At least there isn't some necromancer from the Twilight Academy in the crypt, and Emilia’s remains appear intact, apart from the stab wounds to her belly. Her mother’s body is not here - she would have been cremated as a plague victim. Her father is still here, as is his gold pocket watch. Nobody has been looting the bodies. We lock up the crypt.
 
 We’ll still have to hunt down the ghast - easier than it might be, given its horrendous stink.

Pathfinder: In Hell Bright Shadow - The Millionaire Waltz
 


 
While the rest of the party's outfits for the party are pretty elaborate, Terzo’s Red Death costume is the most elaborate at the entire Masque, but he’s prepared for any questions.
 
Terzo: I thought it was appropriate, given the venue, unless you think there’s already a monster lurking in the basement?
 
This rather barbed joke is, of course, aimed at Barzillai Thrune, but it does trigger some rather alarming conjectures in Civilla, particularly about what might have happened to Shensen, Kintargo’s opera diva who has been missing since the takeover.
 
Terzo’s player: How many feet in a mile?
Civilla’s player: I don’t f***ing know?!
Rajira’s player (and the only actual American in the group): I’m sorry, I don’t speak Obsolete. 
 
Terzo: We might not have a specific reason to be here but I wouldn't object if, say, Thrune falls down the stairs and breaks his neck.
Ayva: Oh look, he’s coming down the main staircase to make an announcement. I cast Grease.
Rajira: Let’s not do that because if you do they’ll crucify you and I’m not going to stop them.
Ayva: Oh Rajira, I thought you liked me.
Rajira: If they crucify you, we’ll have to rescue you and I might get killed.
Ayva: Ah, there it is.
 
We bring some of those potions of invisibility with us. It’ll help with our sneaking around, if any of the dotarri seems particularly observant.
 
Terzo: And we might have to get out in a hurry if it all goes Terzo-shaped.
 
We get to work mingling, picking up rumours, and sidling off to explore the off-limits parts of the Opera House while our other party members distract people with entertaining anecdotes and the like. And try to locate our allies in the crowd, since it seems half the attendees turned up in the same costumes. Rajira soon locates Lady Docur, although she’s as much a rival as an ally since they’re both spymasters. Terzo spots Vendalfek at the refreshments table, magically disguised as a drunken halfling and helping himself to platefuls of food. Ayva finds the Archbaroness, who is not pretending to be anything other than the frighteningly powerful woman she actually is. Civilla, with her plus-one, spots Captain Sargaeta and HIS plus-one nipping into one of the private booths upstairs.
 
Civilla: Huh. Well, that could be funny. For the dance. 
Ayva: Ooh, a Doubles!
 
The four of them on the dancefloor is certainly a great opportunity to whisper messages to each other and set up the next stage of Civilla’s masterplan for the evening. Terzo provides distraction by expounding at length about the future of Kintargo opera to a circle of partygoers.
 
Terzo: Because of course*Thrune’s announcement will be that he’s reopening the opera.
 
Ayva and Rajira are exploring the off-limits areas above the stage, and are rather surprised there are no guards around - it’s an obvious spot to snipe from. They do find a cache of various magical healing supplies, however. The underground areas will probably be rather more difficult to explore without being noticed, but Ayva and Rajira can be very sneaky indeed.
 
Civilla does get a bit of a shock at 10PM, when Thrune comes out onto the stage where she and the others were dancing.
 
Ayva: Hark, yon scary douche.
Civilla: Well, douche.
 
Thrune: Good evening, honoured guests, and citizens of Kintargo, and welcome to the Ruby Masquerade. I am glad that everyone has begun in earnest. Tonight, I shall make my first announcement short: I must thank all of Kintargo for bearing with me during my transition as lord mayor, and can finally announce that the worst is behind us - Effective tomorrow morning, Kintargo may return to it's former glory, as the city curfew will be no more!
Crowd: *Rousing cheers* 
PCs: *privately waiting for the other shoe to drop*
Thrune: I will be making one more announcement during the Unmasking ceremony at Midnight. I am sure that you will all be greatly surprised and delighted by the news I will be giving you all... But until then, I would like to ask any willing participants to come up onto the stage and perform in a classic Chellish competition: The Dance of the Damned!
 
Civilla rightly suspects that NOT participating will reflect badly on us, even if it IS a hell-themed dance-off. Terzo requires some encouragement - his own religious beliefs mean he wants little to do with devils, even if they’re merely dance judges with ornamental pitchforks.
 
Civilla: Terzo, come along - you might not be as spry as you once were but surely you remember this much.
Terzo: That’s not the problem - I have religious objections to the entire theme.
Civilla: *hisses* You have religious objections? I’m a follower of the f***ing Redeemer Queen. SUCK IT UP!
 
Civilla and Avya both last to the end of the dance contest, partly thanks to Ayva’s sorcerer-level Charisma. Thrune is not entirely pleased with this result. By the rules of the ‘Dance of the Damned’ that makes them the ‘Saviours’ and Thrune was clearly expecting everybody to be eliminated by poor dancing and fatigue so ‘Lord Asmodeus could feast well’. Plus, now Thrune has to split the prize - a gold and ruby crown - between two people.
 
Civilla: I saw her dance, she clearly out-performed me.
Thrune: Very well *crowning Ayva*  I'll keep my eye on you for the rest of the night.
 
(the MASSIVE XP reward is also welcome - nice to see a challenge that actually requires social Skills)
 
As well as various things we’ve already resolved (or as actually responsible for) we do hear a very odd rumor after the dance-off. Somebody saw a blue dragon with a pentagram carved on its chest perched on the roof of the opera house last night. That sounds like the kind of devil-binding Asmodeans do (and that was done to the real Nox).
Despite Thrune’s increased attention, Ayva manages to sneak away again, and among other things finds the room that Thrune’s been using as a bedroom, at least until very recently. One feature is a life-sized statue of an elven woman, holding a scimitar in a position of horrified defense. She looks familiar. We’ve found out what happened to Shemsen. We have a few ways to get the petrified diva out of here - one option is turning her into a tattoo. Of course we’ll still have to de-petrify her. 
 
Civilla: Give me four days…….Two days……..One day and I’ll make an option that’ll work twice.
 
Civilla: I’ve just had a nasty thought - he’s not sleeping in that room anymore but the statue is still there. Time for Nox to make her appearance.
 
We pass off that miniature painting of our fake Nox to our agents in the Opera House, to hide behind a curtain somewhere out of the way. Rajira also discovers one of the ways Thrune is preventing any exploration of the underground levels - six hellhounds on patrol. Happily, even they can’t spot Rajira when she’s about her business. 
 
Everybody hurries back to the main hall in time for the unmasking - Civilla and Ayva are invited to join Barzillai on stage.
 
Civilla: … Of course we are.
 
This could be very bad - he IS an Inquisitor, Civilla is carrying a concealed weapon, and Thrune already has reasons to dislike her even before the unmasking and realises who she actually is.
 
GM: Everybody make Sense Motive checks.
All: f**********.

Thrune: And thus we come to the conclusion of tonight’s festivities. I would like to thank each and every one of you for making the Ruby Masquerade a night to truly remember.
 
Thrune’s dottari guards have blocked all the exits. Others are leading a chained woman up onto the stage. A woman that looks very like Nox. The Ghosts of Kintargo and our various allies have a sudden premonition that the manure is about to hit the windmill.
 
Civilla has made more than one compact during her rise to power, and one of those deals was made after she and Ayva originally created the fake Nox. That contract was made with the Bone Devil Cizmerkis, who had been responsible for the binding of Nox to House Thrune.
 
"In return for a boon no later than one year that does not violate Civila's ethics or morals, the Bone Devil known as Cizmerkis shall provide and maintain absolute confidentiality on the following items. The Contract that he held with Nox. The disposition of Nox's Soul. The contract detailed herein.”  
But when you make a deal with a devil, they’re eventually going to collect. She hears a voice in her head.
 
Cizmerkis: Ah, good, you’re in a perfect position to strike. I’m calling in that favor now. The Thrune has angered me, and I would like to cause a bit of Chaos… Kill him.
 
Civilla’s thoughts race through every possible reading of the contract, and whether this is a valid boon for the devil to claim. Killing Thrune in front of 300 witnesses might reflect badly on House Alazario, for one thing. 
 
Civilla: … F***.
 
Thrune: We have reached a turning point, all of us in Kintargo, and from this night onward, the city will look to what occurred this evening as a rallying point. A point where the city’s true villains were revealed, and it's true heroes were forced to save the day. A point where the so-called Ghosts of Kintargo showed their true colors—the colors of blood, of betrayal, and of death! Thank you, loyal sacrifices of Kintargo, for offering yourselves as the martyrs this city so desperately needs!
Civilla: DISPEL MAGIC - THRUNE.
 
The spell strips off just one of the dogbotherer’s many protections. He whirls on her in surprise and outrage.
 
Thrune: BETRAYER!
 
 
 
 

Pathfinder : Hell's Bright Shadow : Hammer To Fall
 
When you’re living in an authoritarian state run by the literal forces of Hell, you soon learn to watch your words carefully. Kintargo might be wildly permissive compared to the rest of Chelliax, and being of Good alignment isn’t illegal (yet), and being a worshipper of one of the Good gods isn’t illegal (yet), but since Barzillai Thrune arrived and declared he was now in charge, the authorities don’t need much excuse to arrest you, torture you (with fire), Infernally Heal you (more fire), repeat the process until you’ve incriminated all your friends and family members (repeat applications of fire) and if you’ve been a suitably large nuisance Maledict you and send your soul to Hell (see above). 
 
Even if you’re somebody that puts their duty to their heart before their duty to their country - which shouldn’t be difficult when the country is Chelliax - there is the very real threat that actually acting on any of that will not only get you horribly killed but also everybody you care about, even if they weren’t involved. So, to protect them, you drop any contact with them, and don’t do anything that could threaten them. Of course, this is an entirely desirable outcome as far as the Chellish government is concerned, and one reason Terzo drinks more than is healthy for him.
 
But then you get somebody doing something so egregious he annoys a good chunk of the population, and suddenly there’s no shortage of people with similar points of view. And that’s why, in the months after Barzillai Thrune shut down the opera, there’s a highly motivated rebellion brewing in Kintargo, and why Terzo, his friends, and large number of the rebellion’s operatives, are currently attending a masquerade ball announced by Thrune, at the Kintargo Opera House.
 
Terzo: Hopefully he won’t have a Zone of Truth set up at the door and ask everybody if they’re acting against the government of Chelliax.
 
On the other hand, our various teams of ninjas and socialites have the opera house so thoroughly mapped we even know where the secret rooms are. And we also have that secret base under the coffee shop with the shrine to Calistria that will boost our will saves against hypothetical Zones of Truth or similar compulsions. And if they're checking people for sword canes it won’t help them either, since Civilla has a sword parasol. It Shrinks to accessory-sized too. Civilla is taking Shimza as their plus-one, although the effects of the of Sex Change Elixir they’ve both been taking have likely been interesting, given that there’s no real visible change in either of them.
 
The rebellion has confirmed that Barzillai has ordered the construction of chambers beneath the opera house, some of which almost certainly connect to the endless caverns that run beneath the continent. This is a bit odd - House Thrune is more likely to build connections to the depths of Hell rather than the depths of the Underworld. 
 
Since our rebellion is crafted around being completely unnoticed right up until it’s time to stab Thrune in the neck, we pass a number of secrecy checks without much difficulty.
 
GM: *sigh* you have one of your Tengu in place as a security guard. SOMEHOW. AND you have a copy of the skeleton key that opens most of the doors in the building.
Civilla: Oh nonono, it’s not a Tengu, it’s the Dire Corby. It’s HER.
Avya: We’re all going to die.
Rajira: Who needs a murder of crows when we can just have a murder.
 
Rumour has it that Thrune will make an appearance at the end of the Ruby Masquerade and announce a lifting of some of the restrictions he’s placed on the city.
 
Terzo: A velvet glove around the iron fist.
 
Civilla nonetheless passes on word to the various rebellion cells to hold back on any troublemaking for the time being - if Thrune thinks the rumour is actually working, he’ll be doubly surprised by the aforementioned neck-stabbing.
 
Terzo is going to the Masque in a ludicrously over-the-top Red Death costume. He looks completely ridiculous, given his build compared to that of the famous opera character, but it will hopefully come as a great shock to Thrune’s dottari that, like the character, Terzo is actually an accomplished fencer. 
 

 
Civilla has also created a Costume Bureau, a Wondrous Item that can generate four complete outfits a day. 
 
Civilla: You CANNOT go to the ball like that - here, put this on. 
 
Although the outfits disintegrate after 24 hours.
 
Civilla: I’m doing better than Cinderella’s fairy godmother anyway. Actually that’s not a bad retirement option, maybe I’ll be a fairy godmother for a while.
 
Rajira is coming in a scandalously sheer outfit dripping with rubies. Shimza and Civilla’s outfits are matching mirror-images. Although a Dispel Magic would be unfortunate, since it would dispel the Glamour and the actual clothing. Luster (Civilla’s Homunculus) has an exact match of Civilla’s outfit, which is cute right up until the homunculus smiles - all the way back to the ears. Vino (her Capuchin Familiar) is wearing a matching waistcoat.  Ayva’s outfit might not display the same level of wealth, but does reflect her position in the social strata appropriately.
Everybody that attends the ball in an exceptional outfit has an advantage going in.
 
Civilla: MERELY exceptional??
 
Apparently Barzillai will be leading the Dance of the Damned an hour after the 300 or so guests are let in. And after the unmasking at midnight he’ll be making an announcement about the future of the city. Surprisingly, it looks like there’s representatives from most walks of life. Whilst quite a few of our allies are supposed to be dead or otherwise keeping a very low profile, we ensure Captain Sargaeta and his plus-one; the halfling Laria Longroad; Mialari Docur (founder of Lady Docur’s School for Girls and spymaster); and Archbaroness Eldonna Aulamaxa are also in the crowd - if the situation does hit the fan we’ll need help holding Thrune down for the neckstabbing. The fairy dragon Vendalfek is also attending, in a snazzy waistcoat, but nobody can see him since he’s invisible. It’s not like he’d miss a party.
 
Among the changes Thrune has made to the public levels are taking out all the seating, replacing the statue of the Opera’s founder with one of himself, various vainglorious painting of himself or literal hellscapes, a shrine to Asmodeus, three caged cockatrices hanging over the crowd, and no paintings of Queen Abrogail II. That last bit is very odd, given Thrune’s own proclamations.
 
Proclamation the Second   All places of public business must display in a position of prominence within the first room accessible from the building’s primary entrance a portrait of Her Infernal Majestrix Queen Abrogail II. Said portrait must measure no less than 11×17 inches.  
Terzo: Hmm. ‘A Rule for thee, but not for me’.
Ayva: I think he’s got us on a technicality.
Terzo: True - I don’t suppose the Opera House counts as a place of business, after he closed it. 
Civilla: It’s exactly the level of sophistry that we operate at, so we’ll leave it alone.
 
It certainly doesn’t seem wise to provoke Her Infernal Majestrix - she became the Queen under unusual circumstances - if you count her father Infrexus drowning in a country with no shortage of high-level clerics who can cast Raise Dead as unusual. But be that as it may, removing the statues and pre-existing paintings is just another attempt to destroy Kintargo’s history, probably, after the Redactors and whatever weird circumstance altered the memories even of very long-lived individuals that were actually around for events that nobody can seem to recall anymore. It is, after all, very odd that nobody seems to know how Kintargo and the surrounding area actually became part of Chelliax.
 
Civilla: My family are rather invested in the question of what happened to Kintargo’s history. In fact that was my first thought when I heard Thrune was digging - *he knows something*.
 
Terzo: Anybody want to place a bet on him dropping the cockatrices into the crowd at the climax of the night?
Rajira: Probably not, but it won’t mean we won't.
 

"I never thought it possible to have one's head in the sand and up their ass simultaneously, but you've managed quite a feat."

Having converted the minotaurs into wedding attire, the troubleshooters of Selversgard turn back towards the village. Shev travels far ahead, no doubt out of his excitement about the upcoming wedding, leaving the rest of us at something of a disadvantage when the weather takes a turn for the worse.
 
Miya: How do we know it’s a bad storm? The Treants have f***ed off into a cave.
GM: Can I get a Survival check from somebody?
Arram: You COULD but Shev isn’t here.
 
We huddle under an overhang without even the benefit of a giant riding rat to huddle against. At least Prestidigitation and Ember Pots get us warm and dry-ish, so we won’t be reenacting any Jack London stories. 
 
Shev’s player: ?
Gonno’s player: To Build A Fire. A short story about someone who repeatedly fails his Survival checks. 
 
A conversation is had about adventurers, and exactly what kind of mental damage makes running off to clear out a nest of vampires sound like a good idea.
 
Skave: At least contracting vampirism might solve the problem of my 30 year lifespan? How am I supposed to get anything done in three decades, is what I want to know.
Gonno: *tactfully not mentioning that he has a potential lifespan of hundreds of years* You could always take a run at the Starstone.
Arram: As I understand it, if you survive it you either become a god or the servant of a god. Is that the kind of immortality you actually want?
Gonno OoC: I’m picturing exactly what kind of principles Skave The God would embody. Unnecessarily Large Explosions, probably. He’d get on well with Nethys at least.
 
Miya’s pregnancy has started to show - since she’s non-human, there’s a chance of complications. At least she’s told her husband about them.
 
Miya: There’s a non-zero chance of kits instead of babies.
 
We hear somebody yelling for help out in the torrential rain - after some mental calculations about the odds of a second Leucrotta lurking in the woods around here, we investigate. 
 
Gonno: Hopefully not another idiot wizard from the Twilight Academy.
Arram: Well I’m good, I’m a sorcerer from the Twilight Academy.
Gonno OoC: Somebody needs to investigate the water supply at the Academy, because at the rate that their students go mad, wander off into the woods, or express other antisocial behaviour, I suspect the lead pipes are corroding
Miya OoC: There is likely an eldritch horror in the Attic and the basement, the lunch lady is a lich and the whole thing can be described as Creepy Spooky Haunted and Hydrocolonic.

There’s two human men, one of whom has carelessly misplaced an arm, being carried by the other. Both need immediate medical aid.
 
Arram: Anything following you we need to know about?
Chist: I.. I think we got away from it?
Arram: Just in case you didn’t, what was ‘it’?
 
Alveson and his less-mangled friend are from the Order of the Nail - Hell-knights. Hopefully they don't notice the way Gonno tenses up, since there’s no way the hell-knights have forgotten about his wife who escaped Cheliax, and the Order of the Nail are one of the most hard-line of the lot.
 
Arram OoC: They’re basically everybody that’s ever played a paladin wrong. 
 
Apparently the Hell-knights were out here to open a Gate, so they could escort a pair of Devils back to their base. This is nothing particularly unusual for Hell-knights, but it wasn’t the devils they expected that came through. 
 
Chist: There were four of them - they were humanoid. But blue.
Arram and Skave: ….
Chist: And covered in chains!
Arram: I was just about to ask that. 
Miya: Welp, we’re stuffed.
 
It’s hardly surprising that four Chain Devils was two much for two hell-knights.
 
Chist: It wasn’t just the two of us, we came out here with five others.
All: ….
Chist: I think the mage got three of them with a Flame Blast.
Arram: Yes yes, very good, it’s just that I believe Chain Devils have Regeneration.
 
At least the Gate closed after the remaining Clive Barker ripoff ripped off his various limbs. Leaving an open doorway to Hell seems like a bad thing. Going after four Chain Devils would also be a bad thing. We decamp in a hurry, but note as we leave that the still-ambulatory Hell-knight has a glowing rune painted on his chest.  Apparently that was part of the Gate-opening ritual. 
 
Arram: Well. That’s not good.
 
None of us have the Erase spell to sever the connection. And while Miya will happily flay the skin off him ( ‘Create Treasure Map’ as Skave puts it ) we don’t know if the rune connects his body or his lifeforce to the gate. It’s likely that killing him wlll sever the connection, but messing with the connection will likely kill him even if we don’t want to. And it’s possible the devils can use the rune to track Chist down, and possibly use him to force the Gate open again.
 
Miya: It’s probably quicker to go home.
Chist: Where’s home?
Miya: Thattaway. Or thataway? Give me a second.
Arram: Selversgard.
Chist: I haven't heard of it.
Arram: It’s small. Small enough that four chain devils could kill everybody there.
 
It’s a ten-day trip south to reach the Order of the Nail’s keep. Although if we can get back to the boats we left on the riverbank on the trip down, we can go downriver much faster than on foot. Very much faster, given what the weather is likely doing to the river’s flow.
 
Arram: Shev is probably going overland back to Selversgard anyway, on the All-terrain Rat Express.
 
The problem is finding where we left the boats, in horrendous weather, at night, while trying to avoid pursuit. We recamp. After force feeding him some healing potions, Alveron comes to, and confirms that the head wizard with their party screwed up, and opened the gate into a Chain Devil slave camp.
 
Skave: …. Well, that’s the worst possible wrong number.
Arram: I feel beholden to suggest mounting a rescue mission. But that is well outside our capabilities.
Miya: So we’re going to leave that to the Hell Knights who screwed up in the first place.
Alveson: That’s fair, that’s really quite fair.
 
Alveson also confirms that the rune is connected to the gate.
 
Alveson: Well, we can resolve that. But it will require a sharp knife and a great deal of pain for my colleague here.
Miya: Oh good, the sensible solution works.
Arram: Hold still, I’m just going to do some Subdual Damage on you with this blunt instrument.
Alveson: Ah, no, that won’t work. He needs to be conscious to will away the connection as we physically sever it.
Skave: … how big is this rune again?
GM: Most of his chest. 
All: … 
Miya: Well, I suppose we could use Arram’s Acid Splash, but either way this is going to SUCK. 
 
Skave has to do the flaying. At least Chist is tied down and gagged as the Ysoki peels off his skin, piece by piece. He even stays conscious for the entire procedure, which takes nine rounds. No doubt because Skave’s paw is shaking a bit. 
 
Skave: You are *exceptionally* lucky you ran into me. 
All: ….
Skave: …Us, I mean Us.

At least the procedure seems to have worked, and when the sun rises we can hurry to the boats. Alveson isn’t going to be much use, sans spellbook and arm, but at least Chist can use that magical boar spear we found, and we still have the spellbook we found in the Leucrotta lair.
 
Arram: Oh gods, that thing - I warn you, the contents have a particular… flavour. Probably all necromancy, and we’re pretty sure it’s bound in human skin.
 
Arram: If that necromancer’s spellbook had Erase in it I’m going to be very embarrassed.
 
When we reach the boats, something is sitting on one of the boats combing her hair.
 
Miya: Don’t be Fae, Don’t be Fae, Don’t be Fae…
GM: It’s Fae.
Arram: Morning
Naiad: Oh! Good morning! Are these yours?
Arram: Yes, actually.
Naiad: I hope you don’t mind - I was merely using one as a place to sit.
Arram: Not a problem - but you might want to make yourself scarce. There’s a bunch of chain devils on the loose, and some of us have already run afoul of them.
Naiad: Oh, that is NOT good.
Arram: Quite. You might want to let everybody that needs to, know.
 
The Naiad leaves, without turning its Beguiling Aura on Arram or the rest of us.
 
Skave: Well, I’ve learned something - Arram has to be gay.
Miya OoC: He’s a sorcerer, his Charisma is ungodly high.
Arram: It’s all werewolves or Fae around here and personally I’d rather deal with the Fae.
Miya: Fae, werewolves or big f***ing spiders.
 
We leave a message for Shev in a waterproof sack, phrased ambiguously enough that the Chain Devils won’t immediately know which way we went, or that Selversgard is upriver, in case Shev comes looking for us when we don’t turn up. Unfortunately we’re attacked by a giant fish while we travel downstream.
 

 
Skave: *shakes Arram* SET IT ON FIRE, SET IT ON FIRE!
 
Miya gets engulfed.
 
Miya: Tell my husband I love him! Assuming I actually die!
 
Of course this about when Shev catches up with us, and sees us finally subduing the monstrous stickleback.
 
Shev: Pull that on board, that’s good eating!
Arram: Good luck with that, it’s bigger than the boat! Also it’s eaten most of Miya’s arm, we should probably do something about that.
 
We camp on the far side of the river to make things more difficult for the Chain Devils, just in case. Shev also has a camp oven that doesn’t produce smoke or light, which is also helpful in our current situation. For some reason the forest on this side of the river has been replaced with fens - fortunately we can find a dry hollow to camp in.
 
Skave: Keep an eye out for leeches… I need them for alchemy ingredients.
Gonno: Hopefully we’re all smart enough to avoid throat leeches.
 
And Shev never sleeps on the ground anyway - he has two hanging tents with excellent camouflage. Hopefully we won’t wake up with the rest of us dead.
 
Shev’s player: Won’t be the first time I’ve slept through combat.
 
Once again, the party is fortunate that Vokk the Giant Riding Rat is a light sleeper - something is happening near the boats.
 
Shev: Animal companions exist to show us up.
Shev: I’m pretty sure a gunshot is a suitable alarm, but I don’t want to wake the others up if I don’t have to. 
 
It’s a giant dragonfly nymph, settling itself to ambush us in the morning. Shev returns to the camp to prepare breakfast - we can deal with it in the morning. 
 
Shev: Welcome to camping in this forest.
Miya: Giant insects, arachnids, and Fae, oh my!
Shev (upbeat):  Don’t forget the werewolves!
 
Rather more problematic is that something eats half the giant nymph before dawn - and Shev didn’t see or hear what did it. (interesting fact -aquatic insect nymphs are called naiads)
 
Shev: Well, whatever it was it only ate half of it, so it’s not hungry.
 
The rest of the trip to the lake and the Hellknight keep is uneventful - Shev rides Vok in the river while the rest of us continue in the boat. Arrival at the keep is uneventful too - nobody challenges us as we approach. In fact the entire keep is still and silent. This is ominous. The boot sticking out under a bush is more so. It probably wasn’t the bush that beat the boot owner's head in. 
 
Arram: It might be a Whomping Wisteria
 
Whatever did it left all his gear here, including magical armour. And Chist identifies the body as one of the full Hell-knights. He didn’t even have his weapon out.
 
Skave OoC: Preliminary cause of death… murder-hoboes.
Miya OoC: But we’re murder-hoboes!
 
No we’re not - we haven't even looted the corpse yet. Around the corner some unfortunate woman has been pinned to the wall by multiple primitive javelins. And the portcullis has been jammed open with a man-sized boulder. Alveson identifies her as the head mage at the keep.
 
Arram: I’m really hoping whoever did this isn’t here anymore, to be honest. Can we make sure we move anything that’s been spilled on the floor? So we have a clear run for the door if we have to.
 
Neither Chist or Alveson recognise the make of the javelins, so it probably wasn't some group the Hell-knights annoyed recently. Perhaps some Orc warparty out of the Cinderlands? On the other hand, Miya recalls that the nearby town of Biston had a major problems with an infestation of Troglodytes recently, and there is certainly a smell in the keep that Vok does NOT like. Alveson finds the body of his brother among the dead, and is understandably distressed. 
 
We attempt to clear the portcullis - and hear rustling in the bushes. Shev takes aim.
 
Miya: Do we want to call out a warning? ‘Show yourselves or be considered bandits’
 
The warning is somewhat pointless - Troglodytes don’t speak Common. They speak Draconic.
 
Troglodyte: *in Draconic* This is our land now.
Arram: We WERE here to ally with the Hell-knights to fight devils.
Troglodyte: FIGHT devils? They SUMMON devils!
Arram: Yeah sometimes it doesn’t go to plan.
Troglodyte: You side with Hellknights?
Arram: Yeah, these two, at least - I like them.
Troglodyte: KILL THEM ALL
Shev: I don’t speak Draconic but the tone suggests ‘Talks have broken down’.
 
After the fight, which we survive and they don’t, we search the corpses and find a few lucky talismans their shaman gave them.
 
Gonno: I don’t think they worked.
 
Although we don’t have any reason to feel smug about our victory - we don’t know how many troglodytes the Hell-knights managed to kill before they were overwhelmed.
 
Shev: I actually got a second shot off before it misfired!
Miya: Clearly Erastil is pleased with you.
 
Miya: And now we have to deal with the Chain Devils by ourselves.
 
At least it’s only a day more travel to the lakeside fishing town of Biston. It has a population of over 200.
 
Gonno: If I knew we were coming to the big city I’d have got a shopping list from the wife.
 
There are quite a few Hell-knights at their building in the town - it appears they are mustering. That’s helpful - maybe they’re in the mood for a snipe hunt. Their leader Esteria receives Chist and Alveson’s report, and invites all of us up to her office, a small and tasteful room (the shrine to Asmodeus in one corner notwithstanding).
 
Esteria: Leave your rat in the stables, they’ll feed and water it.
Shev: Are they familiar with giant riding rats?
Esteria: They’d better be.
 
Apparently Biston and the outpost haven't been the only targets of troglodyte attacks in the area. She really can’t spare the men to deal with chain devils as well, even though she acknowledges we really aren’t equipped to deal with one, let alone four. On the other hand, if we help her with the troglodyte issue… at least she has a map of the tunnels the hero Biston used to attack the troglodytes from behind, back before he had the town named after him.  Vok can confirm that the tunnel only smells slightly of Troggies. On the other hand, it also smells of Something Else. We head in anyway - we have the advantage of Darkvision that the Hellknights don't. Hopefully we won’t be down here too long - our friends and family might start wondering where we are by the end of the second week. 
 
Before we find any cave dwelling lizard-types, we find a 60ft deep pit, lined with spikes, and including a noteworthy number of naked impaled dwarves. 
 
Arram: How long have they been there?
GM: Well, they’re not… 
Arram: Liquified?
 
It is possible the dwarves slid down the shaft we descended, and straight into the pit trap, but that wouldn’t explain why they’re naked. 
 
Arram: Hey Shev, we need you to climb down this hole full of naked dwarves.
Shev: Fffffffffff-
Arram: Don’t worry, they’re dead.
 


Miya: To be fair we haven’t actually *checked* they’re dead.
 
They are dead, but they’re not dwarves. They might be some other subterranean race, like the sadistic Dero.
 
Gonno OoC:  Richard Sharpe Shaver’s paranoid schizophrenia has a lot to answer for. 
 
It’s also not clear who or why somebody cut their throats and dumped them in the pit.
 
Shev: We’re here to kill trogs, let's go kill trogs. 
 
We find some trogs - guarding the ends of a rope bridge. Each has a gong.
 
Arram: The monk can bullrush one, and when the other one hits the gong you can fire your gun to cover the noise.
 
Gonno does, indeed, run up and push the first Troglodyte into the chasm. The rest of the party use a variety of ranged attacks, of the quieter variety. We are now in position to launch a sneak attack on a village of troglodyte non-combatants.
 
Gonno OoC: And here was me thinking we WEREN’T playing murder-hoboes.
 
Unfortunately, Gonno and Miya, both completely fail to notice that the party is being snuck up on from behind. Despite being at the back of the party precisely to stop this sort of thing happening. 
 
Miya OoC: I’m definitely going to retire and raise kids, things keep trying to eat me. 
 
Gonno doesn’t even notice Miya has been dragged off until a second tentacle wraps around his own neck. Fortunately the rest of the party actually glance over their shoulders and save the pair, without actually alerting the troglodytes with the sound of combat, or wheezing after the Oread and Foxmaid are released. Sneaking closer, we overhear the troglodyte leadership having some kind of argument with drow. This is a perfect opportunity for Arram to cast Web over the entrance to the chamber, and yell, in Draconic, “Our objectives are achieved! Slay the rest of the Troglodytes!”. 
 
GM: Well, you’ve done something very smart
Miya’s player: Are you sure you’re talking about the right game?
 
The drow and troglodytes promptly start murdering each other. We wait to see who survives - the drow priestess is a contender by the look of it. Although she probably wasn’t *planning* on killing one of her own compatriots with an area effect spell, but he was male and who knows with drow.
 
Arram’s player: We’ve just made the GM roll attacks against his own NPCs for 30 minutes.
Shev’s player: Sorry not sorry.
 
Killing a member of her own party was probably a tactical error, since the Troggie king follows up by cutting her in half. He’s also bright enough to start wondering why the supposed drow treachery was yelled in his language, and spots us waiting for more free XP. Still, now it’s 6-to-1 odds in our favour. 
 
Gonno OoC: Although after watching him bisect that elf, we probably shouldn’t have closed to melee range.
 
We find some documents proving the drow were conspiring to use the troglodytes as an organised threat to civilisations on the surface. Also evidence that quite a few drow have been through here. Miya has Arram leave a note - written in Draconic, in the drow’s handwriting, pinned to the late king’s eyesocket “Death to those that betray the Drow”.
 
Unfortunately we then have to sneak back out past the troglodyte village. 
 
Miya: We pick up the sorcerer and leg it.
 
After all these detours, we finally start heading home towards Selversgard.
 
Skave: Brother. This had better be the best wedding ever.
 
It’s also a relief that the chain devils haven’t found Selversgard, but we have a lot to tell the mayor and militia anyway, and a lot of apologies for everybody that's been worried about us. Certainly nothing really major happens for the next nine months, apart from the setting up of a Warrenguard by the ratfolk. 
 
Arram: The first I’m doing after we report to the Mayor is collapse into the bed for 24 hours, after all that bulls***t.
GM: Shev, would you care to make a Diplomacy roll?
Shev: I CAN but it’ll be abysmal.
GM: Would you prefer your brother address the Council?
Shev: He’s just as bad!
 
Although one discovery the ratfolk make while excavating is a hidden tunnel connecting the sewer, a hidden dock north of town, and the boarded-up Tolland Manor in the middle of Selversgard owned by a now extinct family. The rumours of a haunt are one reason it hasn’t been reoccupied. A bigger mystery is who would need a smuggling tunnel - Selversgard has no tariffs. 
 
To everybody’s surprise, Gonno & Galiante are already expecting a second child. Apparently, despite being a tiefling and a part-elemental, they are really compatible. Miya’s sister-in-law  moves in as a nanny for her & Falx’s apparently human son.
 
Gonno: If you ever want privacy again I know where a house is going unused.
 
Alternatively, we can use Tolland Manor as a proper school building - Arram is certainly willing and able to pay the requisite 5000gp to refurbish it, and it's not like potential undead are going to worry somebody who thinks the Twilight Academy is a fine educational institution. Arram is now one of Selversgard’s most eligible bachelors (certainly since the other PCs are all married now) which may explain why that teenager we rescued two years back is inexpertly trying to seduce him. 
 
Skave is a father again as well - but tragically his wife didn’t survive the birth. Even magical healing can only go so far. He’s emotionally ill-equipped to deal with this. So now he has three ratlings to raise, and a wet nurse to find.
 
GM: Miya might be able to do it.
Miya: I have seen rat teeth, so no. Especially if I have to deal with fox teeth as well.
 
Shev finds a bride as well, although is at a loss about what to do next - as far as social adjustment goes he’s not much better than his brother.
 
Miya: I’m afraid my perspective isn’t going to be very useful.
 
All these new children and new marriages (especially to forceful wives like the ratwoman Ranger Cidi) are good reasons to reduce the amount of stabbing gribbly-monster-stabbing we’ve been doing. What do we look like, adventurers?
 
Miya: Something has tried to kill me *every year*.
 
Miya sets up a dojo to train up the Selversgard Militia, but trying to get the council to actually fund the militia is like squeezing blood from a stone. At least we have all that loot from the troglodyte and drow incident to sell, and supply a proper armory and probably pay for a militia too. And maybe if we promote more business connections with the cities downriver, we might have an economy large enough to support actual taxation.
 

Lord-Mayor Barzillai Thrune, AKA “The Dogf***er”, is a man with multiple strikes against him. Firstly, he’s an Inquisitor of Asmodeus. Secondly, he’s a member of the Thrice-damned House of Thrune. Thirdly, he doesn’t like mint ice cream. This all adds up to Evil with three ‘E’s. EEEvil. Unfortunately, he’s also a bit smarter than we thought.
 
Admittedly, that might be on us. The so-called ‘Ghosts of Kintargo’ have been running around the city with so little difficulty, and successfully distracting the authorities with our fake ‘Nox the Redeemed’, that we may have started underestimating him. The fake Nox was certainly a good idea, and must have enraged Thrune no end. Even the rumours that his devil-sworn bodyguard was now working for the rebels would have been terrible PR for his administration, and there was still the question of how the Ghosts could possibly have switched her allegiance. Assuming the ‘Ghosts’ actually exist.
 
Of course, illusion magic is a thing. And further, there is absolutely nothing stopping Thrune having his own Nox. Revealing his own version, real or fake, at the Ruby Masquerade is a masterstroke, since there are over 300 of Kintargo’s richest and most influential citizens in attendance. Thrune can probably also guess that some of the rebellion leadership are in the crowd - although the jokes on him, we all are.
 
The really bad news, however, is that the dogbotherer seems willing to kill all those attendees in an effort to slander the Ghosts of Kintargo, and just said as much, as his dotarri lock the doors to the opera house with ourselves and hundreds of mostly-innocent citizens inside. And there’s the urgent question of WHY, when we’ve already established that assassinating Thrune in front of hundreds of witnesses is a bad idea, Civilla Alazario unilaterally decided to attack him. The rest of the Ghosts aren’t privy to the deal she made with the contract devil Cizmerkis, current owner of Nox's soul - and that deal was just called due.
 
Although Thrune is hopefully right about one thing - the colours of the Ghosts of Kintargo are indeed the colors of blood, of betrayal, and of death. HIS blood, betrayal, and death. He certainly seemed surprised that one of the Ghosts was standing right next to him on the stage. It’s just a pity that the assassin Rajira wasn’t standing on the other side, to stab him in the neck when he turned to yell ‘Betrayer!’ at Civilla.
 
Terzo OoC: I am trepidatious about tonight’s session. The only combat monster in the party is you.
Rajira OoC: I’m not a combat monster.
Terzo OoC: If your opponents are asleep you are.
 
And then our situation goes from bad to SO MUCH WORSE.
 
True, we’re trapped in a building with hundreds of civilians, and dozens of heavily armed dotarri and a high level Inquisitor of Asmodeus, but we’ve got Vendelfek the faerie dragon in the crowd, and Captain Sargaeta planted our fake Nox upstairs earlier. Chough, the Dire Corby adopted sister of those Kenku we recruited, has also been busy - she’s been disabling those cockatrice cages just in case Thrune WAS planning to drop them into the crowd. Alas, she isn’t in position to drop on Thrune from 60 feet up. And then, suddenly, a huge beautiful bewinged serpentine creature appears in and emerges from the orchestra pit, and a bunch of flying angelic figures drop their invisibility in the crowd, or fly in through up-stairs windows. Apparently they’re Azatas, benevolent celestials native to the plane of Elysium. Perhaps Thrune’s actions have finally provoked a response, or it’s some protocol to defend the Opera House when mass bloodshed is imminent?
 

 
Civilla: Do they have horns and are they spitting fire? No? Then they might be on our side.
 
Perhaps somebody else made plans for this evening. The Lillend Azata moves from the orchestra pit into the crowd, which panics in abject terror. Several of the party goers are crushed. Not a good start.
 
The Ghosts of Kintargo: What?!?!
 
And then one of the other Azata attacks Terzo.
 
The Ghosts of Kintargo: What?!?!?!?!!
 
The Azata are actually magically disguised Devils. 
 
The Ghosts of Kintargo: !!!!!!!!!!!
 
Even with all the rest of this happening, Civilla is skeptical that the chained Nox on the stage is the real thing - after being dismembered and scattered over multiple graves, it would take a Wish spell to locate her, let alone raise her from the dead. Our fake Nox doesn’t seem to care - the moment she spots the original her attention is entirely focused on her. Possibly we should have provided a script. Appearing on the upstairs balcony and shouting “The rumours are true, Barzillai! You DO F*** dogs.”, perhaps.
 
Civilla Dimension Slides two stories straight up, onto the chandelier, and unleashes a Xill onto Barzillai. Xills are ethereal marauders with four arms that use their poisoned mandibles to paralyze their victims and implant eggs, but right now she’s beyond caring whether they're evil or not.
 

 
To her shock, Thrune shrugs off every attack. Happily another of the fake Azata goes after Shimza and comes within claws-reach of the Xill. Although it’s extremely alarming that the Barbed Devils seem to know exactly where the Ghosts of Kintargo are in the crowd. Although it’s likely they devils have been studying the crowd and marking everybody with a Good aura that is powerful enough to be a threat. Certainly they didn’t target Rajira.
 
Rajira uses her claws and her poisonous saliva to injure Thrune, but once again he shrugs off the venom. 
 
Barzillai: You DARE attack your Mayor?!
 
He attacks with his flaming mace, which is exactly when Avya explodes into a vortex of tattooed creatures, which is certainly surprising. Thrune certainly wasn’t expecting it. Nor was Thrune’s Nox. Shimza joins Civilla in the chandelier, and casts Euphoric Cloud on some of the Bearded Devils and dotarri. It might not drug a devil, but it DOES fill a large chunk of the dance floor with obscuring fog. 
 
The real Nox spots our fake - and Dimension Doors upstairs to fight her. Terzo leaps into the orchestra pit and sings a suitable aria to inspire his friends and the crowd. The crowd, thus encouraged, rush the doors. A few get shot down, but the dotarri get trampled and the exit forced open. 
 
Ayva: Do what you’re good at, Terzo - get people out of the opera!
Terzo: RUDE.
 
The big fake Azata seals the main doors again with a wall of Ice. Happily, we have Shimza, who is notably proficient with fire. Unfortunately, another devil cast Unholy Blight into the crowd, but thankfully doesn’t kill too many people. 
Thrune DOES goes down under the Xill’s next flurry of attacks, but is not revealed as another devil. This surprises Civilla - by this point she was expecting it to be Cizmerkis, who by provoking her original attack NOW, against the wrong target, was ensuring her damnation. Although, even if it’s another fake, seeing their Lord-Mayor violently disemboweled does shock the assembled dotarri.
 
Terzo’s performance inspires the crowd again, and they start pouring out of the building. At least somebody is going to get out of here alive. Because with all the devils now focusing their attacks on the Ghosts of Kintargo, it seems quite likely that we’re not getting out ourselves.
 

Lord-Mayor Barzillai Thrune, AKA “The Dogf***er”, is a man with multiple strikes against him. Firstly, he’s an Inquisitor of Asmodeus. Secondly, he’s a member of the Thrice-damned House of Thrune. Thirdly, he doesn’t like mint ice cream. This all adds up to Evil with three ‘E’s. EEEvil. Unfortunately, he’s also a bit smarter than we thought.
 
Admittedly, that might be on us. The so-called ‘Ghosts of Kintargo’ have been running around the city with so little difficulty, and successfully distracting the authorities with our fake ‘Nox the Redeemed’, that we may have started underestimating him. The fake Nox was certainly a good idea, and must have enraged Thrune no end. Even the rumours that his devil-sworn bodyguard was now working for the rebels would have been terrible PR for his administration, and there was still the question of how the Ghosts could possibly have switched her allegiance. Assuming the ‘Ghosts’ actually exist.
 
Of course, illusion magic is a thing. And further, there is absolutely nothing stopping Thrune having his own Nox. Revealing his own version, real or fake, at the Ruby Masquerade is a masterstroke, since there are over 300 of Kintargo’s richest and most influential citizens in attendance. Thrune can probably also guess that some of the rebellion leadership are in the crowd - although the jokes on him, we all are.
 
The really bad news, however, is that the dogbotherer seems willing to kill all those attendees in an effort to slander the Ghosts of Kintargo, and just said as much, as his dotarri lock the doors to the opera house with ourselves and hundreds of mostly-innocent citizens inside. And there’s the urgent question of WHY, when we’ve already established that assassinating Thrune in front of hundreds of witnesses is a bad idea, Civilla Alazario unilaterally decided to attack him. The rest of the Ghosts aren’t privy to the deal she made with the contract devil Cizmerkis, current owner of Nox's soul - and that deal was just called due.
 
Although Thrune is hopefully right about one thing - the colours of the Ghosts of Kintargo are indeed the colors of blood, of betrayal, and of death. HIS blood, betrayal, and death. He certainly seemed surprised that one of the Ghosts was standing right next to him on the stage. It’s just a pity that the assassin Rajira wasn’t standing on the other side, to stab him in the neck when he turned to yell ‘Betrayer!’ at Civilla.
 
Terzo OoC: I am trepidatious about tonight’s session. The only combat monster in the party is you.
Rajira OoC: I’m not a combat monster.
Terzo OoC: If your opponents are asleep you are.
 
And then our situation goes from bad to SO MUCH WORSE.
 
True, we’re trapped in a building with hundreds of civilians, and dozens of heavily armed dotarri and a high level Inquisitor of Asmodeus, but we’ve got Vendelfek the faerie dragon in the crowd, and Captain Sargaeta planted our fake Nox upstairs earlier. Chough, the Dire Corby adopted sister of those Kenku we recruited, has also been busy - she’s been disabling those cockatrice cages just in case Thrune WAS planning to drop them into the crowd. Alas, she isn’t in position to drop on Thrune from 60 feet up. And then, suddenly, a huge beautiful bewinged serpentine creature appears in and emerges from the orchestra pit, and a bunch of flying angelic figures drop their invisibility in the crowd, or fly in through up-stairs windows. Apparently they’re Azatas, benevolent celestials native to the plane of Elysium. Perhaps Thrune’s actions have finally provoked a response, or it’s some protocol to defend the Opera House when mass bloodshed is imminent?
 

 
Civilla: Do they have horns and are they spitting fire? No? Then they might be on our side.
 
Perhaps somebody else made plans for this evening. The Lillend Azata moves from the orchestra pit into the crowd, which panics in abject terror. Several of the party goers are crushed. Not a good start.
 
The Ghosts of Kintargo: What?!?!
 
And then one of the other Azata attacks Terzo.
 
The Ghosts of Kintargo: What?!?!?!?!!
 
The Azata are actually magically disguised Devils. 
 
The Ghosts of Kintargo: !!!!!!!!!!!
 
Even with all the rest of this happening, Civilla is skeptical that the chained Nox on the stage is the real thing - after being dismembered and scattered over multiple graves, it would take a Wish spell to locate her, let alone raise her from the dead. Our fake Nox doesn’t seem to care - the moment she spots the original her attention is entirely focused on her. Possibly we should have provided a script. Appearing on the upstairs balcony and shouting “The rumours are true, Barzillai! You DO F*** dogs.”, perhaps.
 
Civilla Dimension Slides two stories straight up, onto the chandelier, and unleashes a Xill onto Barzillai. Xills are ethereal marauders with four arms that use their poisoned mandibles to paralyze their victims and implant eggs, but right now she’s beyond caring whether they're evil or not.
 

 
To her shock, Thrune shrugs off every attack. Happily another of the fake Azata goes after Shimza and comes within claws-reach of the Xill. Although it’s extremely alarming that the Barbed Devils seem to know exactly where the Ghosts of Kintargo are in the crowd. Although it’s likely they devils have been studying the crowd and marking everybody with a Good aura that is powerful enough to be a threat. Certainly they didn’t target Rajira.
 
Rajira uses her claws and her poisonous saliva to injure Thrune, but once again he shrugs off the venom. 
 
Barzillai: You DARE attack your Mayor?!
 
He attacks with his flaming mace, which is exactly when Avya explodes into a vortex of tattooed creatures, which is certainly surprising. Thrune certainly wasn’t expecting it. Nor was Thrune’s Nox. Shimza joins Civilla in the chandelier, and casts Euphoric Cloud on some of the Bearded Devils and dotarri. It might not drug a devil, but it DOES fill a large chunk of the dance floor with obscuring fog. 
 
The real Nox spots our fake - and Dimension Doors upstairs to fight her. Terzo leaps into the orchestra pit and sings a suitable aria to inspire his friends and the crowd. The crowd, thus encouraged, rush the doors. A few get shot down, but the dotarri get trampled and the exit forced open. 
 
Ayva: Do what you’re good at, Terzo - get people out of the opera!
Terzo: RUDE.
 
The big fake Azata seals the main doors again with a wall of Ice. Happily, we have Shimza, who is notably proficient with fire. Unfortunately, another devil cast Unholy Blight into the crowd, but thankfully doesn’t kill too many people. 
Thrune DOES goes down under the Xill’s next flurry of attacks, but is not revealed as another devil. This surprises Civilla - by this point she was expecting it to be Cizmerkis, who by provoking her original attack NOW, against the wrong target, was ensuring her damnation. Although, even if it’s another fake, seeing their Lord-Mayor violently disemboweled does shock the assembled dotarri.
 
Terzo’s performance inspires the crowd again, and they start pouring out of the building. At least somebody is going to get out of here alive. Because with all the devils now focusing their attacks on the Ghosts of Kintargo, it seems quite likely that we’re not getting out ourselves.
 

Pathfinder : Hell's Bright Shadow - Runing Up That Hill
 
Ayva and Civilla have combined their art and magic skills to create a painted construct version of Nox, Thrune’s late bodyguard. In a move that will no doubt infuriate Thrune when he finds out, the fake Nox is clearly now ‘redeemed’ and a follower of the good gods, in the form of less black leather. There’s also the advantage that the painted version is mostly unkillable.
 
Civilla: ‘We killed the traitor! Wait, she’s back’
Ayva: It could be a hundred years later and the painted version will still be protecting this city. I love that. 
 
They can even hide her inside a separate painted locket.
 
It’s probably just as well that Terzo isn’t around for some of his colleagues' discussions, such as their thoughts about a blood bank run by vampires.
 
Rajira: Bloooood.
Ayva: It’s the currency of the soul.
 
Ayva: ‘This one must be a diabetic, it’s quite nice.’
Rajira: ‘Very Sweet.’
 
Apparently this week we have to deal with the mountain fortress in the Menador Gap, one of the main passes between Kintargo and the bulk of the Chellish Empire - the most important pass now the Glorious Reclamation elsewhere in Chelliax is causing major international problems.
 
Terzo: How much do you want to bet they've improved their security protocols after that time we walked into the prison and walked out with all the prisoners.
Rajira: It’s hard to improve your security when you don’t know what went wrong.
 
Leaving nobody alive behind you (and more then once, no bodies either) is helpful that way.
 
GM: I need to send you some more images for NPC standees, the pawn package was missing some.
Rajira’s player: … oh, P. A. W. N. 
Terzo’s player: I was wondering.
Rajira’s player: Hey, I‘m Calistrian, we’re open-minded.
 
Our ally Raxus discovered something rather interesting about the keep - apparently the dwarven engineers that built the place included a self-destruct mechanism in case the pass had to be sealed completely. The Silver Ravens intended to use the mechanism, or an Earthquake spell, and weren’t particularly concerned by the subsequent loss of life since the keep is currently held by troops loyal to House Thrune. Lictor Octavio Sabinus, formerly of the Hellknight Order of the Torrent, points out that even a spell of that magnitude might not destroy the fortress, and might kill or destroy valuable prisoners, magical items, or information. And anyway, leaving any survivors is out-of-character of the Ghosts of Kintargo.

Terzo: I regret to say my first question is ‘how many taverns are there between Kintargo and the mountains’, because I can’t carry that much booze.
 
Fortunately the rebellion has enough funds and allies now that Terzo can acquire a second carriage and footmen we can actually trust. 
 
The current commander of the keep is one Lucian Thrune, who is not exactly pleased about being way out here, although it does keep him out of harm's way of the Glorious Reclamation, and rumour says he isn’t getting much sleep due to understandable stress.
 
Civilla: Interesting, interesting
Ayva: I can hear the evil laughter from here, Civilla
Rajira: I don’t suppose you have any dream magic?
Civilla: Funny you should mention that…
 
Lucien also has a pet wyvern that he raised from an egg. And they’re pretty scrupulous about only letting merchants with the proper papers, known agents of Thrune, and members of the Church of Asmodeus, into the keep and through the pass. The best idea we can come up with to get inside the keep and not be watched too closely is if we pretend to be retainers of House Thrune, there to collect a high-value prisoner on behalf of Lord Inquisitor Barzillai. Lucian Thrune might well have questions, but we can honestly say that the Inquisitor isn’t going to tell his minions anything they don’t need to know.
 
Civilla: ‘We don’t know the name of the prisoner, we don't know who is delivering them, our orders are simply to collect the prisoner and return to Kintargo.’
 
Of course we’ll have to have suitable uniforms, paperwork, and repaint one of the carriages.
 
Terzo OoC: So, anybody know the nearest chop shop?
Ayva OoC: Yes, the local butcher does a good line in sausages.
 
Fortunately, even when he rolls a Nat 1, Terzo’s Diplomacy is high enough that he clears the Ears of the City check and confirms that the soldiers in the Keep have heard all kinds of rumours about Nox - that she’s variously been killed, on a secret mission for House Thrune, or that she turned traitor, was captured, and welded into her own armour. We might still be able to use the fake Nox as a decoy.
 
Keep Soldier: Hail travelers! I must inform you that passage through the Gap is currently restricted! State your business!
‘Sergeant’ Rajira : *salutes* Soldiers of Thrune! Here to collect a prisoner! *holds up forged letters*
Keep Soldier: Enter for inspection! Open the gate!
Rajira: Come on you slovenly lot! And don’t embarrass me!
 
Ayva (not entirely out of character): It’s not that we mind the city being put under an iron boot, we just object to it not being OUR iron boot.
 
There are eight armed soldiers in the courtyard, and Lucian Thrune.
 
Ayva: Fortunately this courtyard is the exact right size and shape for a Fireball. 
 
Lucian doesn’t look like he’s slept in days. Rajira salutes and bows, explains why we’re supposedly here, and hands over the documents, which drip with all the dire penalties one might expect for anybody impeding the mission.
 
GM: *sigh* and like so many of the NPCs in this adventure Lucian does not have a Sense Motive skill.
 
Lucian directs us to the common rooms for now. Apparently he has some kind of minor genie servant, by the name of Zorumar, who doesn’t look very happy about being at Lucian Thrune’s beck and call, or being ordered to provide us with food and refreshments. 
 
‘Sergeant’ Rajira: Line up, you lot and look grateful!
Ayva: We are grateful for the slop we are about to receive!
‘Corporal’ Civilla: That might offend our hosts.
Ayva: Sir! Sorry Sir!
‘Sergeant’ Rajira: I’m a sergeant, I work for a living.
 
At least Zorumar appreciates our thanks, and even apologises that he can’t provide more than Created Food And Water for now. Rajira dismisses the rest of us and Terzo sidles off to join the nearest card game. Rajira and Civilla get one of the guest rooms - the rest of our party will be staying in the barracks. Apparently Zorumar cooks all the food for the keep, and does the cleaning, and is forbidden from using any of his magic apart from Create Food and Water. That does suggest one ‘in’ for us - if Sergeant Rajira orders us to help with the cleaning rather than stand around like soldiers with too much time on their hands, we’ll get a good look around. Instead, Civilla plans to send the fake Nox out to look around the fortress - she’s a very sneaky painting. And, after all, ‘Nox’ will be making a dramatic appearance as the keep is destroyed, anyway. 
 
Civilla has her Homunculus to scout out the keep while Terzo keeps the garrison amused with a singalong, but it couldn't find the self-destruct. Although there was a whole bit with the wyvern scaring the pants off Civilla when she was looking through the eyes of her homunculus and it got within licking distance...
 
Instead, we take advantage of Lucian Thrune’s massive sleep debt - it would seem he’s been hitting the Mwangian Marching Powder hard. One Sleep spell from Terzo cancels all the effects of the Insomnia Powder, and the commander promptly passes out. Rajira helpfully gives him an ear exam with a six-inch dagger.
 
Then we made friends with his captive Genie, who does know where the self-destruct is.
 
Terzo OoC: So as usual we identified and recruited everybody that was here under duress, and are preparing to murder everybody else
Rajira OoC: Yup. Civilla even talked the Genie into rescuing the two halflings in the cells when he leaves.
 
Civilla: Unfortunately none of us are dwarves, although Terzo might pass. 
Terzo: Alas, I brought wine, not ale.
 
The route to the Big Red Button has statues, which is about as likely to instill paranoia as a hall lined with suits of armour. There’s also pretty clear evidence that the dwarves set this place to their own tastes, so it’s just as well that we know enough about other religions (despite Chellish laws) to fake it. Unfortunately the security systems can also detect Evil, which means they take considerable interest in some of the party members. 
 
Terzo: Well, clearly they’re faulty, none of my friends are Evil.
Civilla: You KNOW some of us are selfish. You KNOW this.
Terzo OoC: And Denial is not just a river in Osirion.
Ayva OoC: Yes, it runs through some other countries too.
 
Although it turns out the actual problem is some of the equipment Rajira is using. Civilla conceals her true Alignment as a matter of course. Rajira hurriedly changes what she reads as.
 
Archon: WHY HAVE YOU COME
Rajira: To destroy this structure
Civilla: *headdesk* Because the gates have been taken by the enemy - forces loyal to Asmodeus.
 
Civilla: They’re ARCHONS, they probably aren’t even aware that Cheliax exists, that’s Prime Material Plane business.
 
Archon: So the time has come to destroy the keep. Make sure you set the timer correctly. 
Civilla: Right, how do we do that, exactly?
 
It’s also fortunate that Civilla’s insatiable appetite for book-learning included Dwarven Runes and engineering.
 
Civilla: This is arcane. In the normal sense, not the magical one, I mean. They’ve used fifteen different versions of the word for ‘chain’ and every different version for ‘crank’!
Terzo: Knowing dwarves, this probably wasn’t innuendo?
Ayva: Not unless they had a really intense fetish for technobabble.
 
It’s also pretty important that we know which timekeeping system the builders used - not a simple question. Hopefully we’ve set it to go off in 20 minutes. Even more hopefully, the garrison don’t stop us from leaving. Happily, it’s not like we had to fight our way out again. We can very easily claim to have received new orders by Shadow Eagle. 
 
Civilla: They kinda want us to leave anyway.
Terzo: Surely my singing wasn’t that bad.
Ayva: I would never tell you that.
 
We’re watching from a safe distance as the ground starts to shake, the building starts to crumble, and the mountain pass collapses into impassable rubble.
 
GM: For once, you guys are the load-bearing boss.
 
Terzo: I am feeling a bit guilty about that - these guys were just soldiers. It’s not like they were torturers or redactors.
Civilla: If they didn’t get out when the building started shaking it’s their own damn fault.
Rajira: You fight for Cheliax, you get the horns.
 
A few of the rank-and-file were fast enough to get out. The wyvern flies in circles over the wreckage, looking for its master.
 
Rajira: That’s the one I feel bad about, it’s just an animal.
Civilla: Rajira, Rajira, don’t weep for the stupid. You’ll be at it all day.
 
Zorumar, as promised, has left the halfling prisoners near our disguised carriage, and a generous gift for freeing him - a magic carpet. The halflings would no doubt prefer to escape to freedom, but it is unfortunately probably safer for them to stay with us, and act as Civilla’s slaves, which is the usual fate of halflings in the Chellish empire. But destroying the keep is very clear evidence that there is an organized conspiracy against Barzillai Thrune. He might well take the rumours seriously, now. Especially when we have our fake Nox drag some of the survivors out of the rubble, saying only “I’m sorry, but it had to be done”. There’s also the factor that our rebellion contacts and cells are so thoroughly established around Kintargo that it’s our influence, and not Thrune’s jackbooted thugs, that’s keeping the streets quiet. In fact a good number of his street patrols are actually on our side.
 
Civilla: Most rebellions fail because they launch their takeover before they have the populace on their side. We are not going to make that mistake.
 
Barzillai Thrune: It’s quiet. Too quiet. *distant boom* What was that? 
Minion: Uh… that was our only access to reinforcements. 
 

Fixing the cisterns is going to be a major engineering problem.
 
Gonno: Possibly we should hire some dwarves.
Shev: That's racist. Assuming Dwarves would be the best engineers available.
Miya: Quite. I've met some very capable elves.
Shev: Excuse me, we’re RIGHT HERE.
 
Certainly, the ratboi Skave has some good ideas regarding the first cistern. And the Ysoki probably have a cousin they can get in to draw up the blueprints. 
 
Shev: I’ll make sure any blueprints Skave draws up are kept away from any open flames.
GM: I don’t think he drew them on flashpaper.
Shev: You’ll be amazed what a trace of sulphur infused in the paper will do.
 
Kaegor, the head of the town militia, is elected the next mayor. He’s a retired fighter.
 
A joyous occasion! Miya’s wedding day! To the most eligible bachelor in town, Falx Vandruber, miller and grinder.
 
GM: So you take his surname?
Miya: Since I didn’t have one, yes!
 
Gonno makes sure to have a proper marriage bed carved in time for the wedding, so they can be carried into their house on it. He’s going to be busy - there’s four other marriages on the same day.
 
Shev: But not me. I’m starting to get some funny looks from the colony. I’m 19! I thought I’d met someone but they kept turning into a human every month. 
All: ….
Miya: I think I missed something. 
 
Skave has two ratlings now, though. Shev believes the reason that he isn’t married yet is because he’s an insufficiently good catch as a husband. Since he’s a follower of the god Erastil, he decides that the obvious solution is to hunt something suitably impressive - like a griffon. Gonno, who got his wife simply by being a nice guy, refrains from comment. Apparently, according to our friendly neighborhood dryad, there’s griffons nesting on some cliffs 5 days walk south of Selversgard that have been causing some problems. We’ll probably have to take silver, since we’re traveling during the full moon and werewolves are known from the area. Admittedly Gonno doesn’t have to worry about lycanthropy, since technically he isn’t a humanoid. It’s the same reason Enlarge Person didn’t work on him in the ant nest.
 
Arram: Tieflings make good werewolf hunters. Not much good if you're fighting Smokey the Were-bear though.
Shev: I don’t want to hear about bringing any of the eggs home to raise - they’re intelligent creatures and some of the gods consider that slavery.
Arram: A bit ironic given you plan on killing them
Shev: The gods can be funny that way.
 
Shev: If you see any unusual trees on the trip, DON’T TOUCH THEM. They’re probably dryad homes.
Miya: So don’t go around feeling up any dryads, Gonno, your wife will be annoyed.
Shev: It’s just occurred to me that the neighborhood dryad might be slightly pissed with me that I’m trying to find a mate (that isn’t her) and she’s sending me down there to die.
 
Arram also points out that griffons are sufficiently vengeful that any survivors will certainly follow us back to Selversgard.
 
Arram: In fact I’m pretty sure all the leonine creatures are sapients - although some of them are d***ks.
Miya: Nobody cares if you kill a Manticore.
 
Arram: It’s also a bad idea to pick a fight with anything powerful enough to generate a sorcerer bloodline.
 
So, it would seem the griffon idea is a bad one, although crossed wires are understandable when it comes to what a dryad considers ‘causing problems’. Perhaps they were using a dryad’s tree as a scratching post. She does suggest an alternate target - a minotaur. Those are certainly problematic.
 
Shev: When a minotaur has a problem, they make it everybody’s problem. 
 
Just in case the minotaur has a briar maze rather than anything more traditional, Shev makes sure that Gonno brings his tree felling gear. Both of them already carry chalk. 
 
Shev’s player: And not Arram’s maze-clearing method - we’re saving that as a last resort. You know, I’ve got a mage character that can’t start forest fires?
Arram: Then what even is the point?
 
Unfortunately our chosen path will require a large detour around a completely overgrown valley.
 
Skave: We can always make our own path.
Arram: Your opinions regarding anything fire-related do not count.
Miya: He only set the crops on fire once.
Arram: And Me Twice.
 
Gonno, bringing up the rear of the march, thinks he spots something running across the track behind us. Quadrupedal, he thinks, but not at all sure. Shev can’t find any tracks, which is odd, since his tracking skills are sufficient to find tracks on bare rock.
 
Skave: Great, we’re being followed by a ghost.
Shev: Worse, a ghost-pirate-ninja
Skave: THAT’S WORSE.
 
Unfortunately Gonno and Arram, on the middle watch, think it’s a perfectly fine idea to wander off after a mysterious voice calling Gonno’s name in the middle of the night. Luckily for the party, Vok, the riding rat, is unaffected by the Mass Suggestion spell, and his squealing wakes up everybody else. 
 
Skave: I throw my pillow at Vok.
 
The rather horrendous badger-headed deer-thing waiting to devour Gonno and Arram attempts to do so. Gonno does not fare well, and if it wasn’t for Vok he would now be quite dead. As it is, he’s only mostly dead. Fortunately for him, the creature opts to retreat when everybody else comes after it. Unfortunately, it promptly turns around to attack everybody that doesn’t stop to help Gonno. Miya goes down. 
 
Gonno OoC: Well, look on the bright side, if we do manage to kill this thing we don’t have to go after the minotaur. 
 
The creature is rather shocked to learn what Shev’s blackpowder weapon can do - presumably it’s never seen one before. It retreats again. Unfortunately the musket misfires on the second shot AGAIN. Miya and Gonno get dragged back to the campsite before the monster returns. Arram recognises it as a Leucrotta. Leucrottas are reputed to be unholy hybrids of hyenas and a demon lord, can lure people away with mimicry, and can bite through steel. It only knew Gonno’s name because somebody asked Gonno if he saw anything, when it was stalking us earlier.
 
Skave spends the rest of the day giving Gonno and Miya what medical aid he can provide. As far as we know, Leucrotta don’t have Regeneration, so it’s probably out there licking its wounds. Shev wants to track it down and finish it off as soon as Gonno and Miya are up to fighting again. Fortunately for us, our collective sneakery is better than its perception, and we have it cornered in a small cave. 
 
Gonno tries to punch it in the face - unwise with something that can bite through steel - but between Shev’s duckfoot pistol and Arram’s sorcerous pryomania the creature is not a problem for long. It has a well-chewed spellbook among the debris in its lair. The symbol on the cover is that of the evil god Norgorber, and unsurprisingly the cover is made from human leather. 
 
Gonno: No wonder the beast was chewing on it.
 
The number of deranged and evil wizards in the woods around Selversgard DOES seem disproportionately high. You have to wonder why they keep wandering off and getting themselves killed.
 
Shev: Dude, the Twilight Academy is JUST OVER THERE.
GM: Is it any wonder you keep running into wizards like this?
Arram: Lot of weirdos at that school. That said I can probably sneak in there if we ever need to - get my Illuminati robes.
 
We also find an IOUN stone - an orange pyramidal form, which is promptly orbiting Shev’s head.
 
Shev: What’s it do?
Arram: I’m tempted to say it’s the cursed one.
 
It’s cracked, so the only thing the stone can do is grant Prestidigitation.
 
Skave: Otherwise known as Least Wish.
Shev: AKA Spell Not On My List - gimme!
 
Unfortunately the monster won’t make a suitable trophy for Shev.
 
Shev: Leucrottas are Ugly As F***
Arram: But if you kill a Minotaur and hang its head on the wall it just looks like you killed a cow.
 
Further on, we encounter a foul-smelling, oily pit, with a truly gigantic oak tree overhanging the hole. It smells like several million years of death. That’s because it’s petroleum.
 
Skave: Shev, can you get me a sample?
Tree: I have no objection…. ….  but I doubt … it will be of use for you.
All: ….
Tree: *turning to look at Shev* Greetings … …  little one. 
 
According to the treant, the stuff is poisoning the local vegetation. He’d quite like the stuff neutralized, but that requires Skave’s alchemical knowledge. The treant moves off as the Ysoki works. Shev thinks a treant would be very useful for turning over the soil, if they could be persuaded to stay near town.
 
Miya: It might be worth keeping in mind what our village is known for. Asking a treant to hang around a lumber town might be in bad taste.
GM: It’s a purely natural material.
Shev: So’s Arsenic.
 
Unfortunately, since it’s natural, there’s no magical solution to neutralize it. It might be valuable to certain alchemists, but that would attract more humanoids to the deep woods. 
 
Shev: Your best bet is to find an Earth Elemental to help you.
Miya: That or find a wizard who knows Fireball.
Shev: NO.
 
We promise to get the druids involved, and he tells us where to find the minotaur.
 
Treant: As far as I know… …. … there is only one.
Shev: oh GOOD. Arram, how good are you at NOT using fire?
Treant: *waves slowly goodbye* Watch out…. For the sprites….
 
The sprites are actually inclined to help us - the Minotaur kidnapped their chief’s daughter, in order to pressure their shaman to make magical items for them. The entire sprite community have to go collecting material components. The one talking to us has a list - but it’s almost too small for us to read. And it’s in Sylvan. Happily, Arram can read Sylvan and has glasses to magnify it with. The Minotaur has been stocking up on healing potions. Unfortunately, the Minotaur has built his labyrinth in a cave. It would appear the dryad's little bird friends aren’t a very reliable information source. Happily, Vok can track by scent, which makes navigating the maze much more easy. Upon coming up to a door, Skave unlocks it, then steps back. Unhappily, nobody detects the giant Solifugid hiding behind it.
 
Miya: It looks like what spiders have nightmares about!
Skave: This is why I let other people open the doors!
Gonno OoC: No wonder the Minotaur needs all those healing potions, with these things wandering about.
Miya OoC: It was behind a locked door, I think we can assume he knew it was there.
 
At least if we die we’re all guaranteed a pretty good afterlife, should we die down here. Even followers of Asmodeus go to hell and get trained out of silly ideas like ‘free will’. In much the same way the Bessemer Process removes impurities from iron.
 
Arram: A fear of death is highly suspicious.
Miya: Spoken like a true inquisitor.
 
While we’re patching ourselves up, the Minotaur is sneaking up on us in the dark, holding a very large crossbow.
 
Arram: COW!!!!!
Miya: Finally, something intelligent that isn’t a bug *feints*
 
The Minotaur flees back into its maze, wounded. This could be very bad, if it’s heading off to kill the sprite hostage.
 
Skave: Get back here and fight, you overgrown hamburger!
 
Unfortunately it turns out the treant and the sprites were as badly misinformed as the dryad - there’s a second Minotaur.
 
Skave: …. It’s right behind me, isn’t it.
 
The little alchemist is violently gored. And that Minotaur goes violently berserk when it sees what we’ve done to the first.
 
Gonno OoC: Look on the bright side, Shev, you won't have to get married because it looks like you’ll be adopting your brother’s kids. 
 
Vok nearly bites the thing’s head off.
 
Arram: Which is pretty darn impressive - there’s a lot of neck on a minotaur. Well done that Vorpal Rat.
 
Skave manages to scramble out of the way of the Minotaur’s battleaxe. Gonno gets swatted with the battleaxe instead, and Miya gets gored in the face.
 
GM: Well, if you’re ever in the market for face jewelry, you won’t need to get your tongue pierced.
 
The second minotaur goes down.
 
Miya: Your future wife better be AMAZING - you have a matching set.
Shev: At least Mrs Brisby. 
GM: Of course what you’re actually saying with that tongue injury is GMAHHUHMUHmuh
 
At least the sprite chief is grateful that we rescued his daughter and shaman.
 
Shev: I need a trophy from the minotaurs as a bride price.
Sprite: Ah, you’re trying to bribe someone to be your mate - that’s fine.
Shev: … Well he’s not wrong.
Sprite: We cannot move Minotaurs.
Arram: I’d be impressed if you could.
 
They CAN expertly skin the two minotaurs, and sew up the holes we left in the hides - Shev is going to have two extremely creepy cowskull-topped cloaks for his wedding. At least we don’t have to go back into the maze - we triggered the first trap and attracted the minotaurs' attention.
 

Pathfinder - Selversgard - Pt.12
 
4713AR
 
Shev has expanded his first business and now has a fellow Ysoki in his employ running a regular package run along the Skull River, taking advantage of the all-terrain nature of the riding rats that he has been breeding. He has also established a hunting lodge about half a day’s trek out of town to tend to the forest and hopefully host the occasional hunt for out-of-town worthies.
 
Shev’s player: There’s more than one way to read that last bit.
Gonno’s player: The Most Dangerous Game
GM: No, around here the Most Dangerous Game is the Tarrasque.
 
Arram is just on his way home one evening when he hears screams down the street, from the Yellow House, Selversgard’s brothel. The owner of the business, an elven sorceress, is helping one of her employees out of the building.
 
Sennsa-Auel: Oh thank goodness - I’ve driven it off, but can you get Mara to Mother Maybell?
Arram: What happened?
Sennsa-Auel: A ghost, if you can believe it. A f***ing ghost!
 
The wounds are certainly weird, and a wandering ghost is also very weird - as Selversgard’s only magical healer (aside from Remilda), Mother Maybell the Pharasman priestess is the closest thing we have to an authority on the undead. She suspects the ghost has a touch that causes flesh to tear itself apart.
 
Krigor, the current mayor, is just as baffled as everybody else. Why the heck would Selversgard have a ghost? Unless it’s because they’ve opened the Tolland Manor for the first time in years. There’s no sign of the John that was in the room with Mara - one Jesse Garund. Jesse is married, so his wife isn’t going to be happy when she finds out what he’s been up to during the evening. Doesn’t explain why some kind of ghost bride would take an interest in his extracurriculars, though. 
 
Remilda: You should get Shev, he hunts *anything*
 
Skave has some information - he’s been looking into the fall of the Tolland family. Their downfall began when their eldest daughter Emilia took her own life 40 years ago, rather than go ahead with an arranged marriage to an old mining magnate from Magnimar. It’s certainly a recipe for a ghost. Apparently she stabbed herself repeatedly on the morning of her wedding, in her room. Of course, there were no actual witnesses. And the room was locked. 
 
It would seem we have to investigate a 40 year old death. At least Krigor was captain of the militia at the time, and Gonno had been living in the town for decades. 
 
Miya: I believe you call that ‘being a suspect’
GM: Gonno is many things but ‘fitting through that window’ is not one of them.
Shev: I keep forgetting how old you people all are.
Skave: I’m going to go get as much holy water as I can carry.
Shev: You’ll have to wake Mother Maybell again.
 
Both Krigor and Gonno accepted the version of events they’d been given at the time, being unwilling to pry into the tragedy. This, in retrospect, was probably a mistake, especially if the ghost of Emilia is floating around. We should also check that Jesse Garund actually made it home. We’re met at the door by Liz Garund, who is about 8 ½ months pregnant.
 
Shev: Let’s not give her any shocks.
 
Jesse is not home yet - Liz was expecting him home from the pub an hour ago. She is distressed to hear that there was an attack, although we spare her the details such as where it happened. Shev panics a bit when Liz needs help, but after what happened to his sister-in-law that’s not surprising.
 
Shev blows his Vok-summoning whistle - we need to find the missing farmer, on a cold, moonless, windy night. Apparently he ran off into the woods, through one of the many gaps in the town’s palisade.
 
Shev: Of course they haven’t finished the palisade, they want to leave Selversgard room to expand - BUT THEN NEVER EXPAND. I’m getting very very tired of council meetings.
 
Vok and Shev track him down to where he is huddled shivering, under a bush.
 
Jesse: Shev? That you?
Shev: Let’s get you some pants and get you back to your wife - and no, I have no interest in telling your wife where you were. Do you need to ride Vok?
Jesse: I can’t ride your rat! I don’t have any pants!
Arram: Terrible manners to rub your junk on another man’s rat.
 
Shev also intends to order proper boots for everybody in town. Jesse has no idea why the ghost of Emilia Tolland is out and about.
 
Jesse: There haven’t been any Tollands in 30 years?
Arram: Famously, ghosts are of dead people.
 
Jesse has a few more details about the Tollands - the mother died of the Blue Plague shortly after the death of her daughter, and the father died of a heart attack while seeking a new and younger bride. There was a persistent rumour that he was ‘exerting himself’ with the young women at the time. Jesse also says that he was ‘exerting himself’ with Mara when the ghost appeared, moaned, and he fled in unreasoning terror.
 
Shev has heard that the ghosts of those who died in terror can inflict that terror on other people.
 
Arram: That’s not what I read into it when he said moaned. I just thought ‘coward’.
Shev: Okay. OK. I keep forgetting that it’s always sex with you hairless ones.
 
It’s also weird that the ghost was driven off by Madam Senn’s magic missiles. We can only speculate that neither Mara or Jesse were actually the ghost’s target. We’re going to have to check the family crypt - after we consult Mother Maybell.
 
Shev: She’s just going to have to live with being woken up.
Mother Maybell: At four AM?
Shev: Take it up with your goddess.
Mother Maybell: I do. Regularly.
 
Mother Maybell consults the books and diaries left to her by her predecessor, although his handwriting leaves something to be desired. Apparently Emilia’s family had the officiating cleric attempt to Raise Emilia from the dead, but she refused the call. Maybell even has the cleric’s account, but his handwriting was just as bad. It would appear the mining magnate was Chelish - no wonder the girl didn’t want to marry an Asmodean. But he DID note a force of Disruption on the Tolland house, but couldn’t identify it.
 
Arram: I can’t see an Asmodean cleric getting very far with bad handwriting. 
Miya: Imagine the Contracts. 
Maybell: Oh, I see what happened  - this is a copy. *sigh*
 
Apparently the priest in question is now one of the High Priests of Asmodeus in the capital of Cheliax - Mother Maybell has exchanged letters with him in the past.
But none of this explains why Emilia would come back NOW. We borrow the key to the old burial ground crypts. Of course none of us are equipped to face down a ghost - there’s a blanch Skave can make that will suitably enchant a weapon, but he needs Ghost Salt first to make it.
 
Shev: So first I need to take out this ghost, before I can take out this ghost. 
Arram: Right.
 
That probably explains why half of us completely botch the Perception checks at the crypt - we’re all glancing around so nervously we don’t actually see anything. We certainly don’t see the three Ghouls and a Ghast that burst out of the overgrowth and attack. Given their stench, speed, and paralysing bites, this could well be the end of us. Happily Skave stabs one right through the eye with his rapier, and Gonno literally punches one of their heads off. After the third ghoul gets killed the ghast runs off, despite the fact half of us are already paralysed.
 
Of course this MIGHT explain why Emilia is active - the ghouls have been disturbing the graves. At least there isn't some necromancer from the Twilight Academy in the crypt, and Emilia’s remains appear intact, apart from the stab wounds to her belly. Her mother’s body is not here - she would have been cremated as a plague victim. Her father is still here, as is his gold pocket watch. Nobody has been looting the bodies. We lock up the crypt.
 
 We’ll still have to hunt down the ghast - easier than it might be, given its horrendous stink.

Pathfinder - Selversgard - Pt.12
 
4713AR
 
Shev has expanded his first business and now has a fellow Ysoki in his employ running a regular package run along the Skull River, taking advantage of the all-terrain nature of the riding rats that he has been breeding. He has also established a hunting lodge about half a day’s trek out of town to tend to the forest and hopefully host the occasional hunt for out-of-town worthies.
 
Shev’s player: There’s more than one way to read that last bit.
Gonno’s player: The Most Dangerous Game
GM: No, around here the Most Dangerous Game is the Tarrasque.
 
Arram is just on his way home one evening when he hears screams down the street, from the Yellow House, Selversgard’s brothel. The owner of the business, an elven sorceress, is helping one of her employees out of the building.
 
Sennsa-Auel: Oh thank goodness - I’ve driven it off, but can you get Mara to Mother Maybell?
Arram: What happened?
Sennsa-Auel: A ghost, if you can believe it. A f***ing ghost!
 
The wounds are certainly weird, and a wandering ghost is also very weird - as Selversgard’s only magical healer (aside from Remilda), Mother Maybell the Pharasman priestess is the closest thing we have to an authority on the undead. She suspects the ghost has a touch that causes flesh to tear itself apart.
 
Krigor, the current mayor, is just as baffled as everybody else. Why the heck would Selversgard have a ghost? Unless it’s because they’ve opened the Tolland Manor for the first time in years. There’s no sign of the John that was in the room with Mara - one Jesse Garund. Jesse is married, so his wife isn’t going to be happy when she finds out what he’s been up to during the evening. Doesn’t explain why some kind of ghost bride would take an interest in his extracurriculars, though. 
 
Remilda: You should get Shev, he hunts *anything*
 
Skave has some information - he’s been looking into the fall of the Tolland family. Their downfall began when their eldest daughter Emilia took her own life 40 years ago, rather than go ahead with an arranged marriage to an old mining magnate from Magnimar. It’s certainly a recipe for a ghost. Apparently she stabbed herself repeatedly on the morning of her wedding, in her room. Of course, there were no actual witnesses. And the room was locked. 
 
It would seem we have to investigate a 40 year old death. At least Krigor was captain of the militia at the time, and Gonno had been living in the town for decades. 
 
Miya: I believe you call that ‘being a suspect’
GM: Gonno is many things but ‘fitting through that window’ is not one of them.
Shev: I keep forgetting how old you people all are.
Skave: I’m going to go get as much holy water as I can carry.
Shev: You’ll have to wake Mother Maybell again.
 
Both Krigor and Gonno accepted the version of events they’d been given at the time, being unwilling to pry into the tragedy. This, in retrospect, was probably a mistake, especially if the ghost of Emilia is floating around. We should also check that Jesse Garund actually made it home. We’re met at the door by Liz Garund, who is about 8 ½ months pregnant.
 
Shev: Let’s not give her any shocks.
 
Jesse is not home yet - Liz was expecting him home from the pub an hour ago. She is distressed to hear that there was an attack, although we spare her the details such as where it happened. Shev panics a bit when Liz needs help, but after what happened to his sister-in-law that’s not surprising.
 
Shev blows his Vok-summoning whistle - we need to find the missing farmer, on a cold, moonless, windy night. Apparently he ran off into the woods, through one of the many gaps in the town’s palisade.
 
Shev: Of course they haven’t finished the palisade, they want to leave Selversgard room to expand - BUT THEN NEVER EXPAND. I’m getting very very tired of council meetings.
 
Vok and Shev track him down to where he is huddled shivering, under a bush.
 
Jesse: Shev? That you?
Shev: Let’s get you some pants and get you back to your wife - and no, I have no interest in telling your wife where you were. Do you need to ride Vok?
Jesse: I can’t ride your rat! I don’t have any pants!
Arram: Terrible manners to rub your junk on another man’s rat.
 
Shev also intends to order proper boots for everybody in town. Jesse has no idea why the ghost of Emilia Tolland is out and about.
 
Jesse: There haven’t been any Tollands in 30 years?
Arram: Famously, ghosts are of dead people.
 
Jesse has a few more details about the Tollands - the mother died of the Blue Plague shortly after the death of her daughter, and the father died of a heart attack while seeking a new and younger bride. There was a persistent rumour that he was ‘exerting himself’ with the young women at the time. Jesse also says that he was ‘exerting himself’ with Mara when the ghost appeared, moaned, and he fled in unreasoning terror.
 
Shev has heard that the ghosts of those who died in terror can inflict that terror on other people.
 
Arram: That’s not what I read into it when he said moaned. I just thought ‘coward’.
Shev: Okay. OK. I keep forgetting that it’s always sex with you hairless ones.
 
It’s also weird that the ghost was driven off by Madam Senn’s magic missiles. We can only speculate that neither Mara or Jesse were actually the ghost’s target. We’re going to have to check the family crypt - after we consult Mother Maybell.
 
Shev: She’s just going to have to live with being woken up.
Mother Maybell: At four AM?
Shev: Take it up with your goddess.
Mother Maybell: I do. Regularly.
 
Mother Maybell consults the books and diaries left to her by her predecessor, although his handwriting leaves something to be desired. Apparently Emilia’s family had the officiating cleric attempt to Raise Emilia from the dead, but she refused the call. Maybell even has the cleric’s account, but his handwriting was just as bad. It would appear the mining magnate was Chelish - no wonder the girl didn’t want to marry an Asmodean. But he DID note a force of Disruption on the Tolland house, but couldn’t identify it.
 
Arram: I can’t see an Asmodean cleric getting very far with bad handwriting. 
Miya: Imagine the Contracts. 
Maybell: Oh, I see what happened  - this is a copy. *sigh*
 
Apparently the priest in question is now one of the High Priests of Asmodeus in the capital of Cheliax - Mother Maybell has exchanged letters with him in the past.
But none of this explains why Emilia would come back NOW. We borrow the key to the old burial ground crypts. Of course none of us are equipped to face down a ghost - there’s a blanch Skave can make that will suitably enchant a weapon, but he needs Ghost Salt first to make it.
 
Shev: So first I need to take out this ghost, before I can take out this ghost. 
Arram: Right.
 
That probably explains why half of us completely botch the Perception checks at the crypt - we’re all glancing around so nervously we don’t actually see anything. We certainly don’t see the three Ghouls and a Ghast that burst out of the overgrowth and attack. Given their stench, speed, and paralysing bites, this could well be the end of us. Happily Skave stabs one right through the eye with his rapier, and Gonno literally punches one of their heads off. After the third ghoul gets killed the ghast runs off, despite the fact half of us are already paralysed.
 
Of course this MIGHT explain why Emilia is active - the ghouls have been disturbing the graves. At least there isn't some necromancer from the Twilight Academy in the crypt, and Emilia’s remains appear intact, apart from the stab wounds to her belly. Her mother’s body is not here - she would have been cremated as a plague victim. Her father is still here, as is his gold pocket watch. Nobody has been looting the bodies. We lock up the crypt.
 
 We’ll still have to hunt down the ghast - easier than it might be, given its horrendous stink.

Shev: I finally find a Rat I’m not related to and she tells me to f*** off????
 
Gonno’s carpentry over the next 11 months goes poorly, Miya is lucky in business and Arram loses a family member. Romilda gets an unexpected boon and Skave suffers a blow to his reputation in town. 
 
Skave: ONE guy has a bad trip and runs through town naked screaming about being chased by invisible ghosts, and everyone hates you for months, honestly…
 
Shev: Everytime I fire this thing it costs me 5GP.
Gonno OoC: Maybe if we ask nicely the bad guys will hold still, so you don’t waste your money. 
 
Miya has been supplementing her income by dancing at one of Selversgard’s public houses. She’s not exactly spoiled for choice - it’s the only one with a stage. Afterwards, she’s handed an envelope. 
 
Miya: Thank you young dwarf. If it’s a proposition I’m not interested. 
 
It’s an invitation to a meeting with the dwarf Gelvert, one of the most well-off people in town, who has profited mightily from the sawmill since he and four friends founded the town a century back. He even has somebody to take Miya’s cloak and get it dried and cleaned. As he tells Miya, the other founders are dead, or almost certainly so. He’s been thinking a lot about Jael Jirin, one of the founders, a gnome of whom he was very fond. 
 
Gelvert: Soul like a bright lighthouse on a darkened sea… she founded the fisherman’s guild, you know.
 
Apparently Jael hid a number of items for Gelvert to collect, if she never returned, but thinking about her likely death was so painful he’s been putting it off for decades. 
 
Gelvert: I find that as the days grow darker and the winter gathers in my bones, I fear it will not be long before I too make my way to Pharasma’s halls. 
 
He wants to pay us to retrieve them - he probably isn’t relying on our sense of civic duty to avoid paying professional adventurer rates, but rich old dwarfs don’t become rich old dwarfs by wasting money. He tells the group that the collapsed old ruin we explored last year is far from the only such in the forest - they’re all through it, and for that matter most of the continent. Jael kept one as a private lair, some 20 miles SE of Selversgard, and kept various important documents in a strongbox there - Gelvert has the key, and warns us about some of the pit traps we’ll have to avoid. We’ll have to bring a ladder, and probably some raincoats.
 
Gelvert: I regret sending you out in this weather, but I doubt I’ll still be here come spring. 
 
Gonno wonders if any of his neighbors have a folding ladder he can borrow.
 
Shev: Buy one you cheap bastard, they’re only 2GP. 
 
Portable bridges are probably also a good idea - getting a donkey across a ladder seems difficult - although Shev loudly complains that the thing must be made from Darkwood given the cost and weight. Not that Shev needs the bridge, although he’s still the only one with a giant riding rat, Vokk.
 
Shev: I’ve only been here two years, it takes a while to breed the musclerats. 
Miya: I am going to have to do so much negotiation in a few years… ‘no, it didn’t bite your children, and it hasn’t eaten your dog’.
Shev: To be fair, how big is the dog?
 
Nobody’s figured out that Miya and her pet fox are the same entity yet.
 
Townsfolk 1: That pet fox is weird. 
Townsfolk 2: It’s probably a f***ing familiar or something, don’t worry about it. 
 
Unfortunately, by the first afternoon the weather goes from wet to appalling - trying to navigate across trackless forest is hard enough in good weather, and it’s all too easy to miss the giant spider trapdoors when the rain is blowing up your nose. Gonno’s solution is practical - roll a big log over the trapdoor when the spider retreats. 
We make camp. Nothing disturbs us during the night.
 
Gonno OoC: I suspect I’m mostly relying on the fact that only a lunatic would be wandering around in this weather.
Shev: HELLO.
Gonno OoC: But we’re not wandering around.
Arram: But we’re still out here in this weather.
 
The weather continues so awful that it’s hard to tell possible stone towers apart from big rocks. We go to approach one, when a voice pipes up from the undergrowth.
 
Voice: I wouldn't go down there if I was you. 
 
It’s a tiny creature with a humanoid front half and shining silver hair, and the back half of a cricket. 
 
Shev: Why would you not go down there?
The Grig: Because that is the domain of a wolfwere.
 
The Grig: A terrible story - a wolf cursed to live as a man, under the full moon. 
 
Skave is suspicious - for one thing it’s not full moon -  and thinks the Grig is trying to fool us.
 
Skave: I’m pretty sure we can go on.
Shev: Why’s that?
Arram: Love of violence.
Skave: I just don’t trust it.
Shev: You barely trust anyone outside the warren - be more specific
The Grig: Doesn’t trust me. Doesn’t trust me. *flies off in a huff* 
Shev: Now look what you’ve done, our supplies are going to get scattered all over the place the next time we camp.
Gonno: *gives Skave a ‘I’m not angry, just disappointed’ look, sighs and packs up the rations he was going to thank the Grig with - even if it WAS trying to fool us, rewarding the the Fae for small pranks is still a good idea as long as the pranks remain harmless*
Shev OoC: And it stops them from escalating. 
 
We go ahead into the suspiciously circular depression anyway - the tower is actually a huge monolith.
 
Gonno: *examines the monolith from various angles, mentally calculating the size of the crater, closely examining the lichen on the stone, and giving the rock a cautious sniff* Thassilonian.
Shev: Rune-cannon shot. Rune this, rune that. What happened to good old fashioned glyphs, I ask you?
GM: Certainly runed this area.
 
A bit later on we find a sign nailed to a tree, pointing to a strongbox. It contains a meat pie and a blueberry cupcake, as Skave’s alchemy confirms. This is OBVIOUSLY Fae food.
 
Shev: DON’T EAT IT.
Miya: I’m not going to - it was going to stay in the strongbox for now.
Shev: You leave it right where you found it!
The Grig: Oh, but then the pie will get cold!
 
Shev and Gonno are far too knowledgeable about the rules for dealing with Fae - i.e. Don’t. - to fall for the Grig’s protestations of innocence, even if it was innocent.
 
Miya: Hang on, you had it made up for us? Where???
The Grig: Oh, I’m not going to tell you THAT.
 
The Grig doesn’t trash our camp overnight, but our paranoia leaves us unrested nonetheless. The next day brings us to an old stone building - with a newer steel portcullis. News in ‘probably added in the last century’. A bit of elbow grease gets it open, although Gonno does manhandle the block we were using as a fulcrum underneath the portcullis just in case. 
Perhaps Gonno should stick up the front of the party - he won’t distract our trailblazer Shev with any unnecessary chatter.
 
Shev: That’s why I have Vokk. To avoid any unnecessary chatter. I dare you to name a more trustworthy companion.
Miya: A rock. 
Shev: Nonono, They’re constantly stealing your elephants.
Miya: … What? That’s a reference to something isn’t it… Oh. That went straight over my head, like the elephants, who are very distressed about it so don’t be there.
 
It’s the giant riding rat Vokk that spots the first warning - a big, helpful PIT! sign with an arrow, with delimited paths and trap bounds. It doesn’t seem to be in the same handwriting as the Grig’s sign earlier. Further on there’s a room with all mod cons - glowing crystals in the walls, comfy bed, a cage, a skeleton, and a corpse slumped over the table. The skeleton is a person, holding a spear and standing straight upright. Gonno wants to look around for a keyhole. The key we were given was supposed to disable some of the defenses and he doesn’t like the look of that skeleton, but Shev is more interested in looting those crystals and Arram lobs a rock at the undead. The corpse is a human or maybe an elf, and was using the room to flay and prepare corpses. The wannabe necromancer apparently retired here to perfect his art and take over the world. 
 
Arram: The Twilight Academy is a week’s travel away, you nutter, you should have just gone there. 
 
The corpse-botherer even managed to animate a single skeleton, but then, at a loss about what to actually do with it, ordered it to guard the cage. Arram toasts the skeleton, which never even twitches from its assigned duty - a sad end for the late Necromancer’s ‘Great Work’.
 
Shev: An appropriate end.
 
The Necromancer has four puncture wounds in his chest, but not caused by anything in the room. The loon never explored past this room, according to his journal, since he didn’t like all the traps. If one of the traps is responsible for his injuries, we can hardly blame him. At least his spellbook didn’t get too icky. Unfortunately, we’re not so scared of traps, and thus discover what killed the necromancer - giant mosquitoes. 
 
Skave: *Missing yet another crossbow shot* I’m terrible with this thing!
GM: Yes, you should be throwing bombs.
Skave: I get yelled at when I throw bombs!
Shev: For good reason!!!!
 
GM: You have avoided catching the disease carried by these Stirges.
Gonno OoC: That notwithstanding, I should probably avoid squeezing it like a piping bag to get my blood back. 

 


 

HORROR ON THE ORIENT EXPRESS - Venice - Love (and Death) in a Gondola Pt.3
 
Feb 1923
 
In Which The Investigators Dig Themselves Deeper Into A Hole
 
   The Investigators are certainly seeing a lot of Venice while they’re in town, if by ‘a lot’ you mean the inside of the city’s libraries and archives, and the inside of the San Marco Basilica during a heist that nearly gets them arrested as Communist Arms Smugglers. Smugglers that they, in fact, invented. 
 
  This probably requires some explanation.  
 
  Having already assisted local communist Georgio Gasparetti’s attempts to get into the pants of Maria Stagliani (hopefully he’ll wait till they’re actually married), Huxley and company have finally returned their attention to the search for the pieces of the Sedefkar Simulacrum. Delving deeply into the archives turns up the official reports and diaries of the French officers during Napoleon’s occupation of the city, and The Devil’s Simulare, an illuminated manuscript about certain events in Constantinople during its looting by the Fourth Crusade. Hopefully it’s not entirely historical, because among other things it includes knights fighting a dragon. But they can read it all properly later, because the reports and diary reveal the hiding place of the Simulacrum’s Leg!
 
Inside one of the richest and well-guarded churches in Christendom.
 
This presents a few problems, and that’s not even counting the giant fish with human arms that have been seen in the canals. 
 
Huxley: Could be a surviving amphibian from the Devonian.
GM: Given the increasingly noxious state of the canals, they probably won’t be surviving for long.
 
The water is certainly getting pretty bad - black as the breast of a raven - and increasingly excited rumors claim that it’s certain death to touch it. 
 
The Left Leg was apparently buried under the floor of the Chapel of St Isidore - not the St Isidore of Seville who invented the comma, but the Isidore of Chios who got torn apart by horses. It's the latter who got interred at St Mark's, presumably not in one piece. And the investigators will be lucky if they remain in one piece if they get caught vandalizing the church. Maybe they should just tell the church authorities they had an evil artifact under the pavers and they should just be glad it’s being taken off their hands?
 
GM: It's easier to beg forgiveness than ask permission.
 
Antonio Masiero, the Italian airman who did most of the legwork for them in Venice, has a suggestion - i.e. get the fascists to do it, by telling them that communist arms smugglers were using the chapel as a letter drop, then intercept them and get the leg off them afterwards with the help of the local communists.

It’s certainly a … bold… plan.
 
Antonio: A shipment of arms
Florence: Heheh
Antonio: OK, or a shipment of legs
 
So all they have to do is convince Gasparetti to use his contacts among the local unionists and left-leaning students to pass on information to the blackshirts. He’s a bit reluctant, at first. Among other other things the fascists will crack down even harder on the local communists if they dig up the chapel to find the letter drop or not, but he does get more enthusiastic about it when it’s framed as an excuse to string up the blackshirts for vandalizing the Basilica. 
 
Gasparetti: This could be the start of the OVERTHROW OF MUSSOLINI! *slaps his hand over his mouth when he realises he just said that aloud in a cafe*
Florence: Geniuses, lower your voices -You keep out of trouble, and you double your choices. I'm with you, but the situation is fraught. You've got to be carefully taught: If you talk, you're gonna get shot!
 
Fortunately, it was already a fairly left-wing cafe, although people are now paying a LOT of attention to the investigators.
 
They decide to pass on the false information that the communist arms smugglers will be leaving instructions under the flagstone in the chapel after the last mass of the day, and Gasparetti and his friends will be waiting out in the plaza to raise hell the moment the Fascists start tearing up the flagstones. Huxley, Florence and Antonio will be lurking among the congregation to see how it plays out. 
 
Of course, it doesn’t go according to plan, because in hindsight it was never going to. The blackshirts naturally planted a few plainsclothed officers among the congregation, all watching closely for these imaginary arms smugglers. Which left Huxley and Antonio to try and hide in the Basilica as the crowd streamed out, and the officers explain to the priests why they’re there.
 
Priest: Communists?! In MY Church!
GM: It’s more likely than you think. 
 
And of course the blackshirts spot Huxley hiding - they were expecting somebody to linger in the church after mass, after all. He legs it, closely pursued by the fascists, to the consternation of Florence, Gasparetti and his friends. At least that gives Antonio a chance to pry up the flagstone with a votive candlestick, while everybody is busy.
 
There’s no Leg. 
 
There is, instead, a letter in a sealed envelope. Antonio grabs it and talks his way out past the priests - after giving the address to his hotel, his actual name, a promise of numerous Hail Marys and a large donation. Huxley manages to lose himself in the crowd of churchgoers - he certainly seems to be becoming quite an accomplished sprinter, at least in the vicinity of Italian landmarks. The investigators meet up at the flat, where Gasparetti tries to wrap his head around the fact that there actually WAS a letter under the flagstone. At least he can identify the seal of the letter - the Gremancis, once Princes of Venice, now famous dollmakers and providers of prosthetic limbs to the veterans of the Great War. 
 
The name is not entirely a surprise - the investigators had been told by Professor Smith that reputed sorcerer Alvise de Gremanci was somehow involved with the Simulacrum, and one Alvise de Gremanci was recorded as one of the ringleaders of the riots that took place when the Leg was first brought to the city, and all quietly released after the French officer discovered they were absolutely right to be protesting. Antonio had been asking every branch of the family if they knew anything about an evil leg. Apparently none did - perhaps the letter will reveal the truth?
 

The stirge-infested darkness beyond the door reveals one main corridor, and a number of collapsed side corridors. Hopefully we won’t have to do any major excavations, because if the ceilings are that unstable it would probably be a very bad idea. Not that the floors are much more stable, since we nearly miss the first pit trap. It’s just as well that Skave has Disable Traps, because none of the rest of us do. 
 
Shev: See how useful you can be when you’re not trying to blow something up? (says the guy carrying blackpowder).
Gonno😘reluctant to point out that Skave just helped us by breaking something*
 
The corridor opens into a large natural chamber, with a somewhat noxious lake, a natural skylight, and a building built into the wall opposite. Skave checks the lake’s depth and acidity, and doesn’t get eaten by a crocodile. 
 
Miya: And there was me expecting a Dead Gazelle moment. 
 
Shev wants to ride across on his rat, but Vokk is reluctant to even enter the water - HIGHLY suspicious. The rapidly approaching ripple in the water even more so. It would appear that giant leeches as well as stirges breed down here. Maybe we're about to get a Dead Gazelle moment anyway.
 
Or possibly not - we dispatch the leech without difficulty. On the other hand, we do find a black-laquered grappling hook on the island from when the cave roof collapsed. If whoever fell off the presumably attached rope fell from a great height, there would surely be other remains, and if the grappling hook lost its grip when they’d just started climbing, why leave the hook?
 
The building built into the wall has an intact door, despite its apparent age and the humidity down here. The bronze is heavily verdigrised, however. It’s also locked. Happily, the key we were given back in Selversgard fits it, so we don’t break down the door to be immediately killed by all the traps. What they didn’t tell us is that there’d be TWO chests. The first that Arram opens contains numerous documents and letters that we politely don’t read, and the second chest impolitely tries to eat us. 
 
Arram: That does happen sometimes.
 
Unfortunately even small Mimics are a serious threat to amateur dungeon-crawlers like ourselves, even without Skave’s contributions to the fight.
 
Arram: If you hit me with one of your grenades again, rat, I’m going to set you on fire. 
Skave: I hit the Mimic too this time!
 
We’re not professionally-inclined to search the entire building, but Gonno does find a large pile of undigested gold coins under the mimic, and also spots furtive movement elsewhere in the cave that we studiously avoid. There’s no point actually looking for more trouble.

Shev: What do you think we are, adventurers?
 
At some point in the next 11 months, Arram finds a treasure map in one of his predecessor’s books.
 
Shev OoC: Save to give to an passing adventurer as a quest reward.
 
Gelvert, despite his melancholy, does survive the winter and in fact appears to be in better health than in recent days, though he continues to let his eldest son, Gelbert, proxy for him on the Council and run the mill. This is especially important as the mayorship passes to him this year.
 
The summer is a cool and wet one, resulting in a surfeit of root vegetables and fat pigs and cows, but a relatively low harvest of grain. There’s also a minor conflict between some of the woodcutters and a faction of the Druids. The Druids claim the cutters felled several trees that were marked for retention, but the cutters deny they were marked. Both sides agree to closer communication in future. This seems to be a perennial argument. Maybe the druids would be more congenial if the villagers pay them to magically enhance the farmers’ fields. 
Several Ysoki arrive to join the warren. One is a low-level witch. Hopefully that means there will be some adorable baby ratties along soon - the ratfok are too short-lived to put off starting a family, and more important Gonno has a shelf-full of alphabet blocks and wooden ducks to gift the children. 
 
Gonno OoC: Although I’ll probably hold off giving them a working trebuchet if they’re related to Skave.
 
Skave manages to blow up his lab.
 
Shev: Brother. Brother.
Miya: He can’t hear you, because of the explosion.
Skave: NOT MY FAULT THIS TIME.
Shev: SKAVE. THIS IS WHY I DO ALL MY EXPERIMENTS WITH BLACK POWDER OUT IN THE WOODS.
 
Skave is actually ecstatic about the explosion - he can now infuse a small amount of his own magical power into his creations.
 
Shev: An expensive discovery, Brother. I assume it gave you key insights into how *not* to create these infusions?
 
Gonno makes an enemy of a woodcarver that accuses the Oread of stealing his designs. Clearly the man is just looking for a fight, and Gonno has no intention of responding in kind, but it bodes ill for the future. 
 
Gonno OoC: I don't want him coming in when I'm out and throwing my tools in the river or my ham in the latrine. That would be irritating. And if he knows I've been squirreling a small fortune away under the floor... (it's not like there's room to hide it inside the anvil with metal-shaping anymore).
 
Miya, on the other hand, discovers that one of the other town founders also had a subterranean secret that bears investigation - an interest in the now flooded mine near Selversgard, and a still-standing offer of ownership of the mine to anyone that can recover the deeds to it. It probably bears more investigation as to why nobody has followed this up before now, but Miya is new in town, and like many small communities she’s going to be considered an outsider for a few more decades yet. 
 
 

Setting up Tabletop Simulator for the game 
 
Me: What the HELL is standing behind you?
Shev’s player: Wha- Oh, that’s Skave.
Me: Ah - so you're using the custom asset you made in HeroForge, and he’s using an actual gasmasked Skaven asset. 
GM: Yep. Which explains why the villagers react to him the way they do.
Me: At least he’s wearing appropriate safety equipment for the lab.
Shev’s player: Yeah, but he doesn’t have appropriate safety PROCEDURES for the lab - that’s half the problem.  
 
Miya’s player: How adorable.
Me: Look behind him.
Miya’s player: …..ah. 
 
Arram's player: Honestly Shev is more alarming - THOSE EYES
 
Skave’s player later creates a much cuter asset to use as the ratman.
 
Skave’s player: the temptation to add tiny little horns is really powerful, but I shall resist
 
GM: Hang on, my notes have vanished into the ether.
Me: That’s why we switched to safer anesthetics. And besides, anything that can vanish into the ether is way too high a combat level for this party.. 
 
The aforementioned rodent is down at Selversgard’s docks buying some fish, when there is some commotion in the water. A small boat is being rowed by a young man, with a blood-covered young dwarf as a passenger.
 
Skave: Ah, codfish, tastes like elf. Don’t ask me how I know that. What’s going on over there?
Shev OoC: Alas poor dwarf, we barely knew you.
Gonno OoC: I wonder if Skave has heard you can use gunpowder as a cauterizing agent yet.
Shev OoC: … he just admitted to cannibalism in public. That which speaks is not food!
Gonno OoC: For one thing you can get psittacosis from parrots.
 
The adolescents were fishing when they were attacked by a giant pike.
 
Gonno OoC: From context I’m guessing the fish and not an animated weapon. 
 
Unfortunately, there was a third member of the party - Mari, who got to shore OK, but south of the old monastery that everybody avoids. The whole area has a bad reputation, not least because the god in question, Aroden, died under mysterious circumstances a little over 100 years ago. 
 
GM: There’s rumors something nasty happened at the monastery at the same time. 
Gonno OoC: Well, all the monks were out of a job for a start.
 
Shev is quite impressed that the kids rowed 15 miles upstream to get help.
 
Shev: Damn, kid, you have some guns on you. 
 
On the other hand, the pike was merely 6 feet long, so merely a large pike rather than a Giant Pike. 
 
Arram: That said they ARE supremely aggressive and will have a go at anything, The kids just panicked. 
 
Shev commandeers the nearest boat, and intends to use his giant rat to tow it as necessary. Arram is currently childfree as all his students are at work in the fields, and Gonno comes along despite being very uncomfortable in water more than neck deep. He’s certainly happy to be back on dry land, although the banks are so thickly overgrown and tangled that the missing girl would have to head away from the river to make any progress. Also, that pike is still hanging around.
 
Gonno OoC: At least it’s not a shark with freakin’ lasers. 
 
It certainly looks as though Mari’s taking a large detour around the ruins. And it’s such a lovely day that the miasma of evil coming from the ruins barely registers. Happy laughter coming from a stand of fruit trees on a nearby hilltop is much more distracting. The girl is sitting under a huge oak, next to a fire, while her clothes dry. Whoever rendered her assistance has their back to us, and a distinctly nonhuman head. There’s also a human? Woman with intensely red hair peeking out as us from behind the oak.
 
Arram: Mari? Had a fun adventure this afternoon?
Mari: Mr Arram! You came to find me!
Arram: I hear you had a run-in with a rather large fish.
Galiante the Tiefling: She certainly did.
Shev: It’s getting late - may we share your fire for the night?
Galiante: Best ask the actual owner. Kayla! Ah just a minute, she’s shy.
Shev: Fear not fellow child of Erastil, we mean no harm.
Kayla: Well, not exactly Erastil, but.. *literally steps out of solid wood*
 
The dryad lets us stay in her grove as long as we are no threat to it, her, or her guests.
 
Shev: *leans in close to Skave* Brother….
Arram: Literally do not move for the next 8 hours.
Skave: Yes yes, I’m not going to set fire to the tree.
Shev: You’re not going within 20ft of the tree. It’s not that I think you’ll set it on fire, I’m afraid you’ll want to investigate its alchemical properties. 
 
Shev: How come you to the woods?
Galiante: Well, that’s a long story..
Shev: We have a fire, and I brought stew.
Galiante: *brightens up* I do like stew.
 
Galiante is from Cheliax, and tells us her life story suitably edited for her presumably innocent new friend Mari.
 
Shev OoC: She’s a 14 year old country girl - she knows. 
 
Despite her Tiefling heritage, Galiante was the mistress of a Chelaxian higher-up who tried to move higher in the pecking order and ended up just as high as the top of a pike - weapon, this time, not the fish. 
 
Skave OoC: I didn’t know Barzillai Thrune had a girlfriend? *takes notes*
 
She got out of town fast, but not before kicking in the head of an overly proactive government employee, so she now has a company of hellknights hunting her down. Despite that, she would probably be welcome enough in Selversgard. 
 
Galiante: Really? I’m a tiefling and a prostitute. 
Arram: Honestly I don’t think the first thing will matter.
Shev: They put up with us.
Arram: And that’s the second oldest profession, probably just after murder-hobo.
Galiante: And that’d be you guys?
Shev et al: Oh no, I’m a scout/carpenter/schoolteacher/parcel delivery man.
Galiante: Huh, and he was me thinking you were adventurers.
Shev: No, we have real jobs, and we are good at them. With a few notable exceptions.
 
Well, if we’re competent maybe we can help the dryad with a problem - an unpleasantly pushy Twigjack that won’t leave her alone. He’s even made a copy of her grove, that’s wrong in every possible way. 
 
Gonno OoC: At least the tree in the middle isn’t a Gympie-Gympie.
 
There’s no sign of the malign occupant. 
 
Gonno OoC: I bet that’ll change the moment I get my axe out. 
Arram OoC: ‘He’s a lumberjack and he’s ok’
 
In fact the furious fey doesn’t show up until Gonno actually swings at one of its trees, and the entire party is waiting with suitable weapons. Unfortunately the Twigjack can teleport and blast us with splinters. Fortunately our suitable weapons are Arram’s Fireball spell and Shev’s blunderbuss loaded with a Dragonsbreath round, and the creature is reduced to ash. 
 
Skave: Well, while you guys make sure there aren’t any more about, I’m going to sit over here. And start pulling out all these splinters. Ow. Ow. Ow. 
 
Hopefully not where all the poison ivy is growing. 
 
Mari’s parents are very pleased when we get back, although they are very not pleased that their daughter went so far downstream with her friends. Galiante can probably stay at Gonno’s place for a while - his new house has room for a second person now, at least, and he can make her a bed easily enough. 
 
Gonno OoC: At least I’m a quiet housemate.
Arram OoC: Unless you’re working.
Gonno OoC: Yeah good point - if she’s working nights….
Miya OoC: Let’s not make any assumptions about her future employment. 
 
Galiante does spend the rest of the season working in the fields, then gets a job at the Yellow House, Selversgard’s only brothel. 
 
GM: She’s doing what she knows. 
 
Arram finds an old map of the monastery, which he adds to his collection of local historical documents. Maybe he can start a small museum, one day. Skave hears from some relatives that want to move into the Warren, and Miya, sadly, hears that one of her adoptive parents has died.
 
To their mutual surprise, Gonno and Galiante actually develop an attraction to each other, and she moves back in. 
 
Gonno: *basking in the daily pleased surprise, and planning the better furniture he’ll make for her, to go with the chest of drawers he’d made as a moving out present*
Shev OoC: She was probably amazed that he offered her a bed with no ulterior motive. ‘You literally just wanted to put a roof over my head?’
Miya OoC: ‘I’m gonna keep you!’
 

The rural soap opera that is Tales of Selversgard continues. This year has been dry and hot, with plenty of grain production and solid hunting. Killane Shellsdotter has taken up the Mayorship, and has pushed fairly hard for the farming aspects of the community. As a result, several new ploughs and seeding wagons have been purchased for communal use. A couple of the woodcutters have sworn blind that they saw a couple of ants the size of horses during one cutting expedition. However, they admit they were quite drunk at the time, and the Druids have found nothing to confirm it.
 
Skave OoC: Just slightly over 4 grand in the GP pool. Being the town's Jesse Pinkman has its perks, I guess.
 
Gonno’s romantic partner, the runaway former sex-worker Galiante, retrains as a different kind of professional. That doesn't stop Gonno's rival from making various snide remarks. Hopefully this won’t escalate -  ignoring a person who has made it their goal in life to bully you does not work, in his experience. They just escalate until you've finally reached an important threshold and decide it will solve a lot of problems if you just hold their head underwater until they drown.
 
Skave OoC: Also, “something something the Oread's ability to become Rock Hard on Demand something something lewd joke” that promptly gets Skave bonked.
 

 
Skave: Hey, Big Bro, should I spend most of my money on this nifty hat that's supposed to make me smarter, or save up a bit more? 
Arram: …. He’s spending enough money to retire on, on a new hat.
Gonno OoC: Well, I can’t say that Skave has displayed much aptitude for sensible decisions since we’ve known him. 
Skave: Hey, it will make a nice heirloom for my descendants. 
 
It’s the Harvest Moon festival! The big orange moon on the horizon would be aptly described as pumpkin-like, if we had pumpkins on this continent. All the food that won’t last the winter gets set up on long tables, and the beer flows in jolly abundance. The cargo rafts are back from Magnimar, and bring with them Skave’s new hat and some documents that will help Arram translate that map he found. Apparently it’s grammatically terrible, in an obscure language, and deliberately obfuscatory. But now he knows where the map starts from. Gonno notes that the schoolteacher is more interested in the documents than the festival, taps him on the shoulder, and hands him a large beer. The festival kicks up a few notches after the kids go to bed.
 
GM: No doubt in coming weeks there will be a small rash of people going to the shrine-
Arram: To get their small rashes cured?
GM: Well, that too, but more quick handfastings, before other things start to show.
 
The village has accepted the Ratfolk (now numbering twelve) because they recognise them as very hardworking people, albeit furry. Skave is showing off his new hat when he hears harsh words coming from behind one of the buildings - certainly not in keeping with the mood of the party. It’s Gonno’s rival, saying some extremely nasty stuff about Galiante. And a bunch of other stuff, but at least Skave passes on the important information to Gonno. Gonno sighs, makes a small personal prayer for patience, and hands the Ysoki a plate of food.
 
Arram OoC: It’s nice to see (Gonno’s player) on the receiving end of information coming through the Scooter Filter for once, because Skave left out a LOT of information there.
 
Skave: Are you sure you don’t want to deal with this? I can brew you up some Black Lotus Extract.
Gonno: *looks shocked and gives a firm headshake of NO, and hands the ratman a mug of beer to go with the food* 
 
Galiante is certainly enjoying the party - her first ever Harvest Moon Festival - and dances up a storm. The Mayor concludes the festivities with a short speech, everybody toasts him loudly with the remaining beer, the priestess calls down the blessings of the gods on Selversgard, and eventually everybody staggers off to bed.
 
GM: The next morning dawns brightly - far too brightly for some of you. 
Skave: What’s on fire this time?
GM: Your head.
 
Arram is one of the few townsfolk who isn’t hungover, because he didn’t overindulge.
 
Arram: I mostly refrain from being smug.
 
We meet outside Marrisa’s shop, because she usually puts on a light, bland breakfast the morning after the festival. She knows her customers. Skave can certainly brew hangover cures, but they only last an hour.  Arram tells us about his treasure map discovery (or TreZZooR MaP), and most of us won’t be busy for the next few days. At least we don’t have to desecrate any corpses, since we already have the map and don’t need to cast the Create Treasure Map spell. Admittedly, Shev won’t be coming along - he’s off tracking something strange in the woods and missed the festival.
 
Skave: I feel the most independent I’ve ever felt in my life!
Arram: You’ll note Shev didn’t go on this trip until he had a dozen other rats to act as minders.
 
True, the path the map indicates is steep, and rather overgrown. As an added bonus, the blackberry bushes will all be ripe at this time of year, so detours will not be onerous. 
 
Arram: Good idea for a day trip - berrypicking and treasure.
 
Progress is swift - well before nightfall we reach a valley absolutely filled with ripe blackberry bushes. Even if there’s no treasure at the end of this we’ve found something the village will appreciate. Admittedly, we’ll have to contest it with whatever is snuffling around. 
 
Arram: So either pigs… or bears. 
Gonno OoC: At least owlbears aren’t equipped to snuffle.
 
We back off a bit and Gonno bangs some pots together. A ten-foot tall bear rears up.
 
Miya: When we tell the village about this we’ll have to include a warning : May Contain Bear.
GM: At least one bear. 
 
Still, there’s plenty of succulent berries to go around - the bear and the party move further apart, eat our fill, fill every container we can, and press on. Unfortunately, while there may have been a bridge previously, it’s collapsed. Gonno fells a tree across the chasm - his other professional skill is lumberjack after all, even if most of the year he's working with the end product. We do lose the trail towards evening, but at least we can look forward to a meal of berries, bread, and cheese - we feast like kings!
 
Fortunately, the Oread is alert enough to perceive the wolf-sized thing crawling towards the sleeping Miya. Gonno lobs a rock at what turns out to be a Giant Tick. Unfortunately even small ticks are difficult to discourage. Fortunately Gonno has the Evasion skill now and immediately dives for cover when he sees Skave pull out a firebomb. 
 
Gonno OoC: It’s like I get these premonitions whenever Skave is about to throw an area-effect weapon. 
 
The next day we reach a large bare patch on top of one of the larger hills - the treasure should be around here somewhere. And if it isn’t, the surrounding forest looks like it will be good for mushrooms. Digging swiftly reveals a brick ceiling, which explains why no trees are growing up here - although whoever built a brick dome and then buried it is a good question. It’s soft clay brick, which doesn’t tell us much, other than whoever built it didn’t know the climate is too wet for that kind of brick to last long. 
 
We set Skave to work removing the bricks. He’s the lightest of us, and even if the dome collapses he’s got 15ft of rope tied around his waist. Unfortunately, the chamber is only 10ft deep, so he hits the ground quite hard and then the rest of the bricks fall on him. We fish him out and examine the domed chamber and spiral staircase within. Shave prepares a healing infusion, but intends to save it for later in case he gets hurt again. 
 
GM: I remind you of the good advice that hit points belong in people, not in jars.
 
Whoever made these stairs was small, each step a third of the size that would suit a normal human. It might have been the same people that set the noose trap that grabs Gonno by the ankle and swings him out into open space. Or it might have been the distinctly spiderish humanoids that creep out of a mass of webbing and hiss at us. 
 
Ettercaps: LEEEEAVE! Our home, not yours!
Arram: We can do that. But first we need to retrieve our friend - do you have a ladder by any chance?
Ettercap: Meat! You leave, he stays.
Arram: Fair enough. *casts Burning Hands*
Miya: ‘We do not agree to your terms’
 
Perhaps predictably, Ettercaps have quite a venomous bite, and Gonno isn’t contributing much to the fight when he’s hanging by an ankle 20ft off the ground. True, the others deal with the creatures (fatally) but Arram is left barely alive and badly delirious.
 
Gonno OoC: Perhaps if we’d offered them some berries…
GM: Obligate carnivores.
Gonno OoC: Yeah, I was afraid of that.
 
The only other exit down here is behind the Ettercaps nest - there’s light back there too. We do find a magical spear stuck in the ettercaps latest meal, though. Being magical didn’t do the pig any good, but it didn’t stop the previous owner losing his spear either.
 
Miya: ‘What happened to the several-thousand-GP-worth of magical weapon?’ ‘It got stuck in a pig’.
 
We also find a symbol on the wall that matches one on the map - the wall seems to have a cavity behind it. It’s possible it’s a bricked up doorway. Miya drills a hole, and Gonno uses his Darkvision to discover a figure on the far side staring back at him. It’s a suit of armour. 
 
Gonno: *recoils in surprise* Someone back there…… Not moving…. Not moving AT ALL
Skave: So safe to knock the wall down?
Miya: May as well.
Arram: Bear in mind that we got this information from Gonno.
Miya: Sooo… a brusque report and not very informative?
Gonno OoC: A series of exciting telegrams. 
 
The room on the other side seems to have been set up for a halfling, and the armour and weapons are masterworked quality. There’s also a chest, but this one doesn’t try and eat us. It might well be trapped, but that doesn't stop Gonno turning it upside down and prying out the nails. It has quite a lot of silver and gem-quality citrine inside. It looks like one Lorcus, a notorious bandit from some 300 years ago, had this set up as a lair before some of the early Hellknights hunted him down. The Hellknights were quite smug about it, apparently, since the Arodenites had sent a paladin after him too and he was never seen again. The armour belonged to the paladin. Since there’s no church of Aroden anymore, it’s going to be quite difficult to get the armour back to anybody it should go to. Nearly impossible to find out if the halfling paladin had any family, either, unless there’s some surviving records at the ruined monastery. 
 
Gonno OoC: I suppose you can always just put in your museum of local history.
Miya: Sorry, not exhibit - a ‘reliquary’. 
 
Back to town with our treasure, and more importantly the location of Blackberry Valley.
 
One of the female Ysoki expresses an interest in co-habiting with Skave.
 
Skave: … …
Gonno’s player: ‘Big Brother, what do I do???’
Skave’s player: Pretty much. I really should determine Skave’s sexuality at some point.
Gonno’s player: Doesn’t matter - you still have your duty to the Warren. 
 
One of the town families has started complaining about Arram - they’re upset that his curriculum is mostly secular. So now he has an enemy too. 
 
Gonno player: No doubt whatever my rival was actually saying will come back to bite me later.
Arram’s player: Probably not - he was badmouthing you to one of the town guards, and the guard said ‘Dude, we like him better than you, so f*** off.’
 

Pathfinder : Hell's Rebel's - Seaside Rendezvous
 
It would appear the criminal underground in Kintargo has a better information network than Thrune does. We know this for two reasons - 1) We haven’t been arrested and gruesomely executed, and 2) The head of the nascent Thieves Guild approaches us to ask if we intend to do to them what we did to the Grey Spiders. We don’t - a new organized crime network isn’t really a concern at the moment. Some of us certainly have PLANS for Kintargo, and they probably aren’t as utopian as Terzo’s, but the woman in question accepts our neutrality and even offers a few magical items to seal our non-aggression pact. 
 
Speaking of pacts, there’s a few issues in the wider geopolitical situation we have to pay attention to - making alliances to strangle the Chellish government’s ability to respond to the rebellion, and ensuring that international trade keeps coming through Kintargo whether Barzillai the Dogf***er likes it or not. Although we hear that there’s a much larger and shockingly successful rebellion happening in other parts of the Chellish Empire ( or what’s left of it). They’re mobilizing their armies in response, but all far away from Kintargo. Now might be the perfect time for Kintargo to break free entirely. 
 
The noble families of Kintargo have been getting a bit stirred up too - Thrune’s arrogance must be rubbing them the wrong way. Either that or they miss going to the Opera - Thrune again. It’s remotely possible that the extermination of the Victocora family is also a factor, and not just an opportunity for them to snap up property at bargain prices (Fire Sale! Everything Must Go!). The families in question, and members of the so-called Court of Coin -
 
Archbaroness Eldonna Aulamaxa - Lover of hunting and the Kintargan Opera. That combination certainly implies a build like Sybil Ramkin and opera tastes leaning towards the Germanic.  Count Auxis Aulorian - Controls Salt and Silver in Kintargo, currently looking for his son who mysteriously vanished, knows a lot about the workings of the new Kintargan government, May possibly be bribed?  
Civilla: Never use the same lever on two people - his son is already our 'in' with Captain Sargaeta. 
 
Archbaroness Melodia Delronge - Interests in Horsemanship, Mercantilism and Hunting, Currently allied with the throne. Baroness Belcara Jarvis - The Jarvis Clan are builders and Architects. Fairly down to earth. Baron Canton Jhaltero - Long family feud with the Alazarios, Rival Intelligence network, trades in Stone and Silver, Combining both networks could be useful  
Civilla: It's already obvious that our clans see eye to eye and therefore don’t like each other. 
 
The Sarinis used to have a presence in Kintargo but recently the last few left in some haste. Probably related to that little incident with the gate to hell, and the local patriarch being eaten. House Sarini is one of the better-known noble families of Cheliax, for no good reason - they’re nicknamed the "Fools of Thrune" or the "Lapdogs of Hell". Members of the house are often sent to amuse crowds at public executions in the capitol entertaining the common folk with their dark and violent humor. It is currently unknown whether members of this house do this voluntarily, or if their debased profession is a result of an offense against House Thrune.
 
Count Geoff Tanessen - Blacksmiths, Military tacticians and Suppliers, Armorers Baron Sendi Vashnarstill - House Vashnarstill are known to be more more loyal to the city of Kintargo itself than to the Chelish Crown or House Thrune. Their business interests are known to include fishing, trade with distant Arcadia, and shipbuilding.  
The Alazario’s aren’t members of the Court of Coin, for a couple of reasons. Being spread so thinly within and without the Empire doesn’t help, and repeatedly butting heads with the ruling family does them no favours at all. We do have one way to influence Archbaroness Aulamaxa - between Civilla’s tea circle, and Terzo and Rajira’s opera connections, we can meet her socially and introduce Rajira as a Diva-in-Training. Since we’ve been scrupulously careful to avoid notoriety, there’s all kinds of social events we can arrange without attracting suspicion from Thrune. We’re the Ghosts of Kintargo - the Inquisitor is probably certain that SOMETHING is going on, but we’ve left no clues about how many of us there are, or how organized. 
 
Civilla: Stuff keeps HAPPENING. Once is happenstance, twice is coincidence, three times is enemy action.
Ayva: There was that time we got the prisoners out of the jail…
GM: That was supposed to be a jailbreak! You just walked in with clipboards!
 
Rajira and Terzo put together a little piece for Rajira to perform, based on Aulamaxa family history, and hunting. It goes quite well. 
 
Rumourmongers: Heard from a merchant ship that sailed too close to the Dismal Niche that there were strange fires burning on the shore. Place is haunted, for sure. Who in their right mind would live there?
Ayva: Let's put ‘possible undead’ down on the list, OK?
Rumourmongers: Heard that Thrune’s going to throw a costume ball for the city at the opera house, and that invitations will be going out across all walks of life. If that’s true... maybe Barzillai isn’t all bad?
Terzo: He’s never struck me as a very sociable person - what’s his real motivation?
Rajira: This is a major costume ball - these things aren’t about being sociable. It’s all politics.
GM: Maybe he’s trying to soften his public image.
Civilla: We’ve been saying for some time now that he BADLY misjudged this city.
Rajira: If it happens, I’m going, whether I got an invite or not.
Civilla: But this is a diabolist we’re talking about.
Ayva: It does smack of ‘gathering components’.
Civilla: ‘Zone of Truth’.
Rajira OoC: Why can’t it wait until I go up another level!
Civilla: I know, I feel your pain…
Rajira: I'll have protection against Truth magic then…
Ayva: I’m going to have to do so many Tattoo Guardians…
Rumourmongers: Menador Gap’s all but closed to traffic, with one of the lord-mayor’s distant relations overseeing the closure. Only Thrune loyalists are being allowed through the pass!
 
There’s all sorts of factors that make organizing an uprising in a fantasy setting difficult, and some of those reasons are truth spells and telepathy.  
 
Ayva: “We’re going to mindread your kid, because kids hear EVERYTHING.”
 
We decide to investigate the reports from the Dismal Niche - it might be a way to build an alliance with the nearest Sea Elf city, if we’re lucky, and Captain Sargeata can get us there much faster than trying to get there overland. 
 
Rajira: We really aren’t designed for operating in the wilderness.
Civilla: I did just learn Secure Shelter.
Rajira: And we’re probably going to be using that spell a lot, without ever leaving the city, unfortunately. 
 
There’s also been a development in that toll to cross the bridge between the north and southern parts of town - hardly anybody paid it, because any blackshirts that tried to enforce it ended up at the bottom of the river, but now the toll is being enforced by Hellknights of the Order of the Rack, and it’s been increased to a gold piece per trip, or ten for a day pass. This, of course, is calculated to infuriate the rich half of town, because they now can’t get their services and supplies, and the stevedores can’t get from their homes to the docks.
 
Terzo: … wow.
Civilla: He really wants to strangle the internal trade in Kintargo, doesn’t he?
 
There’s been a sudden increase of unofficial ferry services across the river. Can’t imagine why. On the other hand, since the bounty on rats still stands, and Ayva has magical pigments, she can paint a fresh pile of dead rats every day and exchange them for a day pass, with the added bonus that she gets to dump thousands of dead rats at the feet of the Hellknights. Daily. 
It’s probably a good opportunity to recruit the Jarvis clan, and build a pontoon bridge. And start a strike by the night soil men. 
 
Civilla: And believe me, everybody takes a strike by the gongfarmers seriously. 
Ayva: How high is it going to get? Pretty damn high.
 
Even if Lord-Mayor Thrune had to use forced labour to empty the chamber pots and latrines of Kintargo, it'd be a major drain on his resources. On the other hand, it would not go well for the strikers, so it’s probably just as well that the rich part of town actually has a working sewer system. 
 
Terzo’s player: What can we do without Civilla available? Not that we can rely on all the characters being available whenever rebellion business needs doing. Rebellions are even more difficult to organize than regular gaming sessions.
 
Random encounter table! In the form of suddenly listing sharply in the middle of the night, in what should be suitably deep water.
 
Terzo: Is this one of those roaming sandbanks we hear so much about?
 
It’s actually a roaming gigantic crab, clambering up the side of the ship.
 
Terzo: I presume Civilla hit her head below decks somewhere. Is the Poison Pen about?
GM: The Captain doesn’t want his little Boopsy hurt.
Avya: He’s a noble, and therefore useless.
Rajira: Not entirely, they tend to have some skills.
Avya: Well yes, but for the purposes of combat with a giant crab?
 
Ayva: I’ll Cast Fireball!
GM: On a Wooden Ship?!
Rajira’s Player: With one of us grappled and in its square?
Ayva: Maybe Scorching Ray, then.
Terzo: Unfortunately most of my more potent spells require the crab to know Common. Can anybody Awaken it?
Ayva: Sure, if we have an hour and some silver to spare.
 
Captain Sageata proves why he’s the best captain in the fleet by Rolling a ridiculous Crit, severing both claws, eyestalks, and ramming his cutlass hilt deep into its ventral nerve cord. 
 
Rajira: Now the only question is ‘how much butter do we have on board’?
Terzo: Technically speaking I suppose you could eat most of our enemies, but it tends to be socially frowned upon. 
 
Terzo’s player: You do have to wonder why Willy Wonka thought random golden tickets would be a good way to find someone who can run a confectionary factory - unless he was looking for someone to take the fall when the immigration department takes an interest in all those Oompa-Loompas. 
 
The sea-elf village out this way is a sorry affair, and the resident half-elves that gather as we approach look nervous, haggard, and sickly. 
 
Fullblooded Sea-Elf: Who are you interlopers! You are not welcome!
Rajira: A bit rude to say that when you don’t even know why we’re here. 
 
Whatever illness currently plaguing the village is a serious one - quite a few of the villagers are near death. Fortunately our high skill with diplomacy and offer of healing goes a long way towards resolving matters. Although their Speaker, an elderly half-elf woman, tells us that the illness cannot be healed by normal means, and is the result of a foul miasma emanating from the Drowned Eye. The Eye is an underwater haunted pit, recently unsealed. She can help us with the breathing-underwater too, if we need it, although Civilla already has a Wand of Waterbreathing.
 
There are plenty of advantages to living in a city, but unfortunately it does leave one at something of a disadvantage when it comes to operating out in the countryside, where the wildlife tends to be a bit more energetic, and sometimes eldritch. Pigeons are a bit less dangerous than sharks, and a lot less dangerous than underwater zombies.
 
Terzo OoC: Of course Jaws 2 is also a great example of why it’s important to vote in local elections.
 
The wildlife isn’t the only thing eldritch about the Dismal Nitch either - it turns out the Drowned Eye projects a powerful compulsion to passing sailors to jump overboard. Not that it makes much difference to us, we were all going to jump into the underwater sinkhole anyway. Because, as previously mentioned, we’re way out of depth when it comes to countryside adventuring. 
 
We’ve never heard of nitrogen narcosis, for example.
 
Terzo OoC: Now why am I thinking of the anglerfish seen from Finding Nemo…
Rajira OoC: I’m thinking of the Navy SEAL leader from The Abyss myself.
 
Civilla: huh, shark. Wait, SHARK! NOT MY SHARK!
Ayva: We’ve going to need a bigger shark.
 
The gigantic undead selachian coming up the shaft is as long as ten men.
 
Civilla OoC: Well we already knew Civilla was a Snack. 
 
Rajira: Sharko!
Terzo’s player: Shako was a polar bear (and on a CIA death list)
Rajira’s player: OK, Hookjaw.
Terzo’s player: Better.
Civilla’s player: Bruce.
 
GM: Describe the kill!
Terzo’s player: Healing energy ripple across the undead flesh, generating visually disturbing waves of regeneration that react catastrophically with the negative energy animating its flesh, and it blows apart into fish fingers. 
Ayva’s player: I’d have said it explodes like somebody stuffed a compressed gas canister into its mouth and shot it. 
Rajira’s player: That IS traditional with sharks. 
 
The cavern at the bottom of the shaft has more undead, one in a captain’s hat. 
 
Draugr Captain: YARRBBLRR!  *knocks Mahat into a wall and deals negative levels*
 
Black Tentacles prove most effective, which is surprising since tentacles are most common underwater so you’d think underwater zombies would be used to them. But as we turn to return to the surface (hopefully without dying of The Bends) the spirit of an aquatic elf woman appears - is it nothing but undead down here? No wonder the neighbours are complaining. 
Apparently she’s the ghost of an elven druid who died trying to rebuild the protections around the Drowned Eye, and she’s quite surprised no sea elves showed up to deal with the situation at any point in the last few hundred years. 
 
Civilla: I’m afraid the current sea elves are, ah, not available. They’ve all come down very ill.
Menota the Druid Ghost: Ah. So that’s how the Evil has manifested. I don’t suppose any of you are druids?
Civilla: *would choke on her drink if she wasn’t already underwater*
Ayva: Armour, leather studded armour, so, no.
 
Terzo has missed most of this conversation since he’s still struggling in midwater like a quail chick in zero gee. At least we can go fetch the living elf druid Athannah from the surface now we’ve cleared up all the more feisty undead, as well as any material components the ghost needs for the ritual. 
 
Civilla: Would a Bishop Agathion serve the purpose? I have friends.
Terzo: *still oblivious to Civilla’s deals with extra-dimensional Powers* And four of them are right here.
Civilla OoC: I had to cut myself off from saying ‘I have friends on the other side’, because that’s an entirely different arrangement. 
 
Apparently based on his ability to summon pigeons, Bert from Sesame Street is a Druid. And Ernie is a Warlock, because he can summon fish and Boogie-Woogie Sheep. 
The sickly sea elves are a bit surprised to see us return, without reliving their symptoms.
 
Civilla: We’re working on it. 
Terzo: Assuming the ghost isn’t actually the Evil in disguise, and trying to lure the only living elf druid in the vicinity to her doom. Is there any way to check the moral alignment of a ghost?
Civilla: … yes, but it’s a bit late to bring that up NOW. 
 
It’s certainly a bit suspicious that Athannah doesn’t recognise the name Menotha, but then it HAS been a few hundred years. The ranger Nerrenn who was so suspicious about us when we first arrived insists on coming with us, by way of apology. 
 
GM: So, who’s going back down?
Civilla: All of us, I suppose. Something’s bound to go wrong.
Terzo: And this way I get to say ‘I told you so’.
 
Terzo: So, how exactly has it gone wrong?
Civilla: Nerrenn is a bad guy and you were right about the ghost.
Terzo: *sigh* I try to be optimistic but it’s always so depressing when this sort of thing happens. 
 
Menotha gestures towards group minion Mahat, the most obvious fighter in the party, who fails his paltry Will save.
 
Menotha: You, come fight for me.
Rajira OoC: Mahat only has a Wisdom of 6.
Civilla OoC: Mahat has a “Won’t” Save.
 
Menotha vanishes into thin water when Civilla Dimension Jumps into the other underwater chamber, which is a bit strange. Even so, we have a mind-controlled Nerrin and Mahat to deal with. Only for Civilla’s Cohort, the Phoenix Arcanist Shimza Tismanescu, to dispel the mental domination on Mahat. Terzo’s attempts to do the same on the presumably enthralled Nerrenn fail. 
 
Rajira OoC: I’m *hoping* someone can break him out of it before I have to kill him.
 
In the other chamber we find out why the ghost vanished. 
 
Deep Telepathic Voice, Right Behind Civilla: You just HAD to get in the way, didn’t you. 
Civilla: Eep!
 
The Aboleth drops its other illusions - Civilla’s teleport happened to put her in the way of the line-of-sight illusion it was casting. She’s also in the worst possible square in the entire cave system - right in the creature’s cloud of lethal mutagenic slime. It menaces her with tentacles. 
 
Rajira OoC: I’ve seen enough hentai to know where this is going.
Aboleth: *Slimes Civilla*
Rajira OoC: It even comes with its own lube. 
 
Portia casts Confess on Nerrenn - a spell that causes damage on targets that don’t answer truthfully.
 
Portia: What’s my middle name?
 
Civilla, already in very bad shape and looking somewhat… boneless… Dimension Jumps back into the main chamber and warns us about her discovery, with an understandable amount of excitement.
 
Civilla: ABOLETH! KILL IT!
 
She sics three Celestial Sharks on the alien abomination. The rest of us are still trying to subdue the ranger, rescue the living druid, and kill the non-celestial shark the Aboleth has mind-controlled. At least the Aboleth is now pretty preoccupied trying to keep the Celestial Sharks hypnotised, because every time its concentration wavers it gets bitten again. We are also questioning the wisdom of bringing fire-based magical attacks underwater. If it doesn’t have flame does it boil the water instead?
 
Terzo: But what about the criminal penalties for poaching? 
 
Anya OoC: If there’s an underwater section in the mountain fortress part of the campaign I’m going to be monumentally p****d.
 
The Aboleth eventually gives up the non-illusory ghost, and cautious poking around reveals that there are in fact some runes down here. They’re in Aklo, a very unpleasant language. Civilla, of course, can read Aklo. And, indeed, the Aboleth language Alghollthu, which is even worse. 
 
Terzo: As much as I appreciate the fact you can decipher this, Civilla, but exactly what books have you been reading lately?
Civilla: Just the family library.
Terzo: Hmm. I question some of their purchases.
Civilla: Remind me, dear Terzo, what’s my family motto?
 

 
 
The base runes radiate negative energy into the surrounding environment, although there’s supposed to be a warding layer preventing that. 
 
Terzo: Can we change it so it radiates positive energy?
Civilla: The world is supposed to be in balance - that would cause entirely different problems.
 
Although Terzo’s suggestion does suggest to Civilla that the Aboleth was actually messing with the runes itself, apparently intending to summon something huge, aquatic, and undead. We are able to unravel the entire rune array, after Rajira disables the traps.
 
Anya: It’s like one of those sliding tile puzzles.
 
The sea elves are suitably grateful, and promise to assist the Ghosts of Kintargo in future. That will be handy if the Chellish Navy gets involved in suppressing the rebellion.
 
Terzo: Don’t blame Nerrenn - he was being mind-controlled by an Abomination.

 

 

Pathfinder : Hell's Rebels - Face It Alone

We return to Kintargo, re-equip everything we burned through trying to burn through the Aboleth, and depart again to visit Vyre, on Vyre Island. 
 
GM: Think of it as Kintargo’s New Jersey. 
Terzo: So we could have returned to Kintargo via Vyre?
 
Vyre is known as the City of Masks, because it’s traditional to go about in disguise, to better enjoy all the illicit activities that form the bulk of Vyre’s economy.
 
Terzo OoC: Everything’s Legal In New Jersey.
Rajira OoC: As long as you don’t get caught.
 
A largely freewheeling and chaotic city, Vyre is not entirely without laws. Five rules known as ‘Promises’ govern all residents and visitors, compact enough to be carved on statues throughout the city - "I Shall Honor All Coin", meaning all transactions are assumed final and binding and all prices are negotiable. This rule also prohibits theft. "I Shall Speak Many Names", meaning all people should accept any name given by a person Vyre, regardless of its veracity, and without ever revealing a person's identity if they conceal it. "I May Wound Yet Shall Not Kill", which requires people to let their enemies in Vyre live in order to give them a chance to avenge themselves. "I Know None Are Below Me", which discourages all forms of prejudice and discrimination. "I Shall Let Closed Doors Remain Closed", meaning all private secrets and acts must remain private, and any broken promises are assumed to be intact unless sufficient evidence is provided.
 
Terzo’s player: It’s honestly astonishing that the Chellaxians haven’t had the city magically nuked. 
Rajira’s player: It’s too useful - You don’t seal off your safety valve.
Civilla’s player: It’s a good place to have agents. It’s their Casablanca. And it has rules, and doesn’t necessarily oppose Thrune. 
 
Civilla is going to take advantage of the fact that the prohibition on other gods isn’t complete across Chelliax, by wearing a full-face opera mask that references her own goddess of choice. It’ll also magically conceal her Alignment. 
 
Terzo: Well, going masked won’t be a hardship for me - I used to go about in disguise on a regular basis, back when I was younger and more handsome.
 
We have a few objectives in the City of Masks - make certain arrangements regarding a number of warehouses in the city on behalf of one Molly Mayapple, and contact the ‘kings and queens’ of Vyre to try and garner support for the rebellion. Of course the ‘rulers’ don’t exactly advertise their whereabouts, even if the existing advertisements leave nothing to the imagination.
 
Terzo: *stopping in front of one and turning his head sideways* Hmm. Haven’t seen THAT one in a while.

Civilla: You know, Terzo, there might still be copies of your work here.
Terzo: *cheers up*
Civilla: After all they’re illicit now.
Terzo: *cheers up even more*
 
There’s a lot of aspirant Hellknights hanging around Vyre, rounding out their life experience before joining own of the Orders. They’re pretty obvious. The Mask of Blades are less obvious, but still too much of a semi-official militia to be the kind of people we want to meet. 
 
Rajira: I’m trying to spot the *private* spies. 
 
Rajira spots at least three other factions following us around.  Most of them are probably from Vyre’s various interest groups, but she’s most interested in contacting one of the Masks of Blood, who oversee the legal affairs of the citizens of Vyre and assist them against foreign interests. She has Mahat drop a message where it can reach the appropriate personages. Molly Mayapple, on the other hand, is much easier to find - she’s running a hostel called The Seven Apples. Convenient, since we need a place to stay. And you can book the rooms for the entire night here, instead of by the hour. At least we’re more professional than most adventuring groups, so she doesn’t direct us into the queue for the corner booth.
 
Civilla: You know who has it worse? The bar wench. Adventurers putting on AIRS. Trying to pay with platinum, or rubies. That’s why I always carry copper and silver - the COMMON coin.
Rajira: And then the money changers take a cut anyway.
Civilla: Right! So you’re not doing the innkeeper a big favour anyway - instead of saying ‘let me know when this runs out’, at say ‘Let me know when this runs out - and charge me double’
 
Molly agrees to talk in a back room - she’s not pleased when she sees we have all those deeds we found in the Grey Spider’s lair.
 
Molly: So, what brings the Grey Spiders to my door?
Civilla: Grey Spiders? No no, we recently came into possession of these deeds.
Molly: And now you’re going to extort money from me, after stealing them?
Rajira: We’re just going to give them to you.
Molly: For FREE?
Civilla: I think you’re suffering a misapprehension. We’re not the Grey Spiders. We’re The Rumour. The Whisper. Chance Incarnate. A group of prisoners just *happened* to walk out of a salt mine. Another walked out of the gaol before they were due to be executed.
Molly: … you’re from Across The River.
Civilla: Yes. 
Molly: And you’re just giving them to me?
Civilla: As a display of good will and the benefits of future co-operation.
Molly: *tears welling up* Excuse me a moment.
Ayva: I think we’ve broken our hostess. In less that 5 minutes
Rajira: Still not our best effort.
 
Molly promises to get us an invite to one of the Masked Balls (of course all balls are Masques on Vyre) and 800 platinum in a Handy Haversack so we can enjoy ourselves in town - she’ll make that back easily now she has the warehouse deeds again. Of course Civilla came prepared for our trip, with everything she needs as letters of introduction - or the tools to forge them.
 
Terzo: This isn’t why I taught you calligraphy, young lady. 
 
The current Queen is an atheist, apparently, so Civilla’s mask might be a problem at the ball. The other advice we get include ‘don’t mention the King, even though he’ll be there’,  where to get the brand new outfits and masks expected for one of these functions, and suitable price ranges for the required gifts for the Queen. Spiders, onyx jewelry, fine mead, salacious works of art, lacy gloves, fancy potion vials, flowers with black petals, Ustalavic novels, or exquisite banquet utensils are preferred. 
 
Civilla: Unusual combination - Ustalavic literature is all ‘we’re cold and miserable and by the end of the book half of us will be dead’.
Terzo OoC: So she’s a rich goth.
Civilla OoC: A rich THIRSTY goth. 
 
Given the price of custom glassware made in three days, it’s just as well Molly gave us that bagful of cash. 
 
Terzo: Perhaps I can find her a collection of salacious poetry.
Rajira: Possibly, have you written any?
Terzo: I can always offer to customise it with one I make up on the spot. Well, claim I came up with it on the spot. 
 
Rajira commissions a pair of potion vials in the form of coiling snakes, Civilla brings an obsidian dagger in an ivory sheath with an onyx spider on the outward side and a concealed symbol of Noticula on the inward side. Shimza brings a corset with a spider motif (and another concealed symbol of Noticula). Ayva is bringing a painting of a naked woman with a strategically positioned variety of colorful spiders “Lady with Spider” (Not a Typo), but then she is the artist of the group.
 
Civilla: I didn’t have time to do a sculpture, OK?
 
Dressed to the nines and possibly elevens we arrive at Cobweb Manor, an apparently decrepit building guarded by flesh golems in suits, and infested by fist-sized spiders,  where a small group is already gathered. Nine guests and their assorted attendants who don’t count. Molly is with our group.
 
Ayva: Oh good, that makes 14 guests - otherwise one of us is bound to be murdered.
Civilla: Does Shimza count as a guest or attendant?
 
We decide that Shimza counts as Civilla’s plus-one, regardless of what that does to the likelihood of horrible murder. Molly helps us with the public names and backgrounds of the other guests, despite their masks, but Civilla already knows most of them anyway. 
 
Anca Verezzian: Female Varisian human; orphaned ex-circus acrobat; chief of security at the Final Throw; eager and curious. Asmerru: aristocrat from Hinji; interests in halfling slave trade; shameless gossip. Elitu Rosewinter: Female halfling; wanted for murder in Augustana; out-of-work assassin; sadistic and prone to using grisly metaphor in idle conversation. An unknown elderly Tian woman, her grey hair tied in a bun in traditional fashion. Notable feature is a mole on her chin. Kekza Zenk: Female gnome; ex-adventurer; dancer at the Nine-Tails pub; incorrigibly flirtatious Morvira Crispin: Female Chelish human; madam; owns the Night Tea Room, a local brothel; enjoys giving people embarrassing or salacious nicknames. Sefuri Dendru: Male Garundi human; businessman; owns the Coughing Carbuncle, a local tavern; heavy and proud of it.  
Terzo (OoC): I’m sure there’s a fascinating story why it’s called the Coughing Carbuncle and I’m equally sure I don’t want to know.
Civilla (OoC): Do you know what a carbuncle is?
Terzo (OoC): The gemstone or the cluster of connected boils?
GM: There’s also a kind of lizard that plays dead - that was probably the inspiration for the name.
Ayva (OoC): You’re welcome to ask.
Civilla (OoC): I’m not.
 
Strephian: Male half-elf; businessman; owns the Blue Monkey game hall; heavy drinker who never seems to get drunk. Xoshak Zabrinni: Elderly male Keles***e human; businessman; owns local curio shop Zabrinni’s Discoveries; refers to self in third person.  
All very plausible victims or suspects in a murder mystery, but we’ll see how things turn out.
 
Rajira arrives in an emerald green dress, backless and ankle-length, with a subtle scale pattern, accessorized with an emerald choker of ridiculous expense. Her hair is tied back with an emerald silk ribbon, and she isn’t hiding her non-human heritage at all. Mahat on the other hand is posing as her attendant, and is dressed in a monotone grey suit. Civilla and Shimza’s outfits are even more expensive, being black with blue and off-white highlights, augmented by corsets of black silk, their silver brocade accented with azurite insets, and both brought griffon mane reversible cloaks. Civilla’s outfit includes the purple and orange of her house. Ayva is wearing a dress of many hues of blue that look like paint on silk canvas with ‘drips’ of sapphires from the sleeves and dress. Ayva’s offsider Portia is wearing a Pink Plush dress out of a princess fairy tale. Terzo’s less expensive outfit includes a Chellish doublet with slashed sleeves, in red and yellow.
 
Civilla: Please tell me that’s noble standard. Or at the very least courtier.
 
Perhaps predictably for a place called Cobweb Manor, lair of the Queen of Delights, the interior decorations lean towards spiderweb, magical chandeliers, and numerous paintings both varied and scandalous. The dining room already has a guest seated in the door nearest the entrance - a skeleton in a tophat.  Presumably this is the King nobody is supposed to comment on. Portia is made to sit next to him.  When Manticce Kaleeki the Queen of Delights - a stunningly beautiful tiefling woman with blood-red eyes, prominent horns, and a scaled tail, and the star of some of the more salacious paintings in the building - enters, she is greeted with a standing ovation.
 
Terzo (OoC): Of course I stand and join the ovation, I taught Civilla half the etiquette she knows.
Civilla (Ooc): Of course that was only half of what he tried to teach me. And I then had to figure out for myself which half actually applied. 
 
She welcomes us with a short speech, and promises a meal that we’ll remember for the rest of our lives. That’s not ominous at all. 
 
The Queen of Delights: Greetings, new friends and old, to my home. I see some familiar faces here, and some delightfully unfamiliar ones as well. It is always a pleasure to serve new tongues the delectable offerings of House Kaleekii, and I trust you shall remember the meal to come for the rest of your lives. Tonight’s banquet is brought to us by master chef Annatolintis Tasetas, all the way from Katapesh, and consists of four expertly prepared courses. I expect the conversation to be lively and thought-provoking, and as always, I shall accept your gifts during the serving of dessert. Without further ado, let us begin!
 
Civilla and Shimza promptly down some antitoxin. 
 
The Queen of Delights snaps her fingers, and a small army of servants, all clad in diaphanous white robes and wearing wraps of gauzy veils over their faces, emerges. The servants quickly move with dishes to each of the dinner guests, and all at once they remove the covers to reveal the first course: In front of each guest is a tureen of heady, boiling-hot liquid sitting atop a nest of five short candles. The liquid has a hypnotically metallic appearance, like that of mercury. Also in front of the guests is a smaller bowl in which swim five live minnows. Finally are a set of utensils that include a two-tined fork; a sharp, slender knife; and a spoonlike sieve. This would seem rather more difficult than remembering which one is the snail fork. Careful glances at the other guests suggests we’re supposed to poach and fillet the fish, and blow out the candles to let the Quick Soup cool. Mahat performs flawlessly, but Civilla is slightly irritated that Terzo is more dexterous at catching the live fish.

Portia, unfortunately, manages to lose all her fish onto the table, as do some of the other guests. One of them just dumps his fish into the soup.
 
Civilla: This would seem to be the host’s chance to show that her guests are fools. 
Rajira: I’m seriously considering botching one of the fish on purpose. 
 
While we wait for the second course the Queen of Delights comments on the current political situation on the mainland.
 
Queen: If such a small group of rebels can fight back so easily against the powers of Hell, then is House Thrune really able to say they are in charge?
Civilla: Kintargo has never truly been Chelaxian - it’s always been its own creature
Queen: Interesting - I was more referencing events in Westcrown.
Civilla: Perhaps it is simply that Barzillai grips too tightly.
Rajira: If you squeeze too tightly, most things slip between your fingers.
 
The slave-trader is so offended by this that he spills his soup, denying that there’s any situation in Chelliax. Rajira murmurs an observation about how a slave-trader is hardly going to admit that an uprising is likely. 
 
Ayva: Ah, the slap you DON’T hear around the room.
Civilla: I’m not claiming that it’s the Empress’s fault - merely that of those she has act in her stead.
 
The second course appears to be a braised human head. Fortunately it’s a specially shaped boiled squash. The spices in the sauce are rather more of a problem, at least for those of us that didn’t grow up in areas where vindaloo is babyfood. Some of us are glad they brought vials of antitoxin AND antiflame.

Rajira (in vishkanya, to Mahat): Varisians, thinking they can handle spicy foods…
Civilla (In perfect Vishkanya): Who are you calling Varisian?

Queen: You know, this very aptly reminds me of the nation of Galt. The nation’s Red Revolution has been going on for years now, and so many have been beheaded by the ‘final blades’. It makes one think, don’t you agree? All the pain and death that comes from their actions, sometimes to oppose the rightful rulers. Is it any wonder that some would label these rebels as domestic terrorists.  How is it that these revolutionaries justify this?
Terzo: I imagine they’ll say something like ‘the rose of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants.’
Civilla: *hisses* Do not use language like that!
 
Funnily enough two of the other guests do use language like that, and their argument becomes quite heated.

Queen: It seems we have our own rebellion growing at this very table!

She claps her hands in delight as the meat course is brought in - three large pies with golden, flaky crusts. The servants with the empty trays then line up behind the servant with the pies, who begin cutting large slices of the pies and giving those slices to the other servants. These servants then quickly go to each of the dinner guests and place a single piece of pie in front of each of them. The process of cutting and distributing the pies is insanely quick—the servants deftly deliver the pies to the guests within a minute of the first cut being made! Although, once the slices of pie are given, we discover the strangeness of this dish. The pies themselves appear to consist of crust and nothing else—yet while physics would dictate that the top of the crust would sag from lack of support, it doesn’t. It simply floats. Prodding between the crust reveals that there is indeed something of substance there, but it is simply invisible. Apparently it’s made from the flesh of an Invisible Stalker, and is supposed to be eaten before it reacts with the air. Rajira eats the entire slice whole, by dislocating her jaw. 

The Queen: Sin is very strange, don’t you think? What constitutes a ‘sin’ is very much a societal and cultural notion. For example, I’m sure many here would agree with the notion that cannibalism is a terrible and monstrous thing to do. But the gnolls of Garund have a very different idea—for they feast upon their own as a sign of reverence to the person’s life—almost like a funerary rite. They would hardly think twice of the moral implications of cannibalism, because to them there is no moral quandary. And yet, the ‘civilized folk’ label them as monsters who feast upon their own for the hell of it. We label one culture’s actions based on the cultural norms of another. Or, for a more close-to-home example, I personally believe that the worship of a deity is a sin, and yet here in Cheliax, worship of Asmodeus is all but required to avoid political backlash. It is fascinating, is it not? What one considers normal, another might consider terrible. So, let me ask you, my esteemed guests, as we let closed doors remain closed: what do you consider to be the greatest sin one can commit?

The Queen extends her hand to invite her guests to speak. After an awkward silence, it is the well-dressed half-elf who speaks first.

Strephian: Well, I would say wasting booze. 

This elicits a soft chuckle from a few of the guests—including the Queen.

Sefuri Dendru: Well, why that specific? I would say wasting food in general is a terrible thing to do. *proudly smacking his rotund belly*.
Kekza Zenk the flirtatious dancer: Well, I would have to say chastity. Just…no!
Xoshak Zabrinni: Xoshak believes fraud to be a terrible sin! You would never catch Xoshak doing such a thing!
Molly:  *thoughtfully pauses* Racism.
Asmerru the slaver: *glaring at Molly* It is a horrid thing to be disobedient to one’s superior.
Elitu Rosewinter, the halfling assassin: Heh. Resurrection.
Anca Verezzian: To give one’s trust is a great thing, but to abuse that trust…I have no pity for such a man.
Morvira Crispin: *clutches at a necklace that she is wearing and whimpers* N-neglecting your children…
 
The Queen of Delights turns her attention to the elderly Tian-Shu woman whom the PCs now realize has not spoken since the dinner began. She meets the Queen’s gaze, and the Tian woman’s words are spoken with pure venom and contempt: ”To invade another’s home.”

Terzo: To act against one's true self.
 
That, of course, goes down like a lead balloon in Vyre, and there are audible gasps around the table, but the Queen acknowledges it with interest, apparently realizing that Terzo is being perfectly sincere.
 
Rajira: To enter into an action knowing failure is the only option.
Ayva: To toil without purpose.
Civilla: I would say Pride - pure and simple. To pretend that there is nothing left to achieve, that that there is nothing left to do. None of us are perfect and all of us have room for improvement. 
 
This is an oblique reference to her faith in the Redeemer Queen, and the Queen apparently recognises it as ‘maybe you just haven’t found the right god yet’ and narrows her eyes.
 
The servants come back out with the desserts. The servants place the following in front of each of the dinner guests: A small plate covered by a silver lid, a strange device that looks like a little corkscrew, and a curious fist-sized object in the shape of a dodecahedron. The servants all simultaneously lift the lids, and a tumble of fat candied spiders pour out, their abdomens are much larger compared to their heads. The disproportional abdomens are about the size of a grape.
 
Civilla OoC: ‘So, which PCs have Disable Device?’
 
Unfortunately most guests do quite badly figuring out how to eat the dessert (or even opening the polyhedral puzzle box) so it gets a bit messy. At least the transdimensional d20s weren‘t Lament Configurations, and the mess is merely the dipping honey rather than blood and assorted organs. Shimza expresses her displeasure by skewering the spiders on her claws.
 
Rajira: *in Undercommon* Delicious.
Civilla: *in Undercommon* I wouldn’t know.
 
Then the Queen accepts the various gifts. She is generally quite pleased with them.
 
Ayva: I present, my lady, a modest painting of an immodest woman.
 
The guests mingle and eventually start to disperse, and Molly nudges us to indicate that it’s time to actually talk business with the host.
 
Rajira: An excellent meal, O Queen - pleasing to the belly and stimulating to the mind.
Queen: Thank you
Rajira: But I’m sure you are aware we are here for another purpose.
Queen: I am indeed, my darlings. And your performance tonight has already decided me. Now it is time for me to calculate your score.
Civilla OoC: Was that last bit the queen or the GM?
Terzo: In character for either.
Ayva OoC: ‘I must now count your BANQUET POINTS!’
 
The Queen is ready to support our overthrow of Thrune.
 
Queen: Of course Vyre will support your bid for freedom—this little banquet is nothing compared to the complex political machine at work. When the time comes to throw off Thrune’s shackles, Vyre will be there to aid you! Now, with all due respect, if you would please see yourselves out—my staff must clean the ballroom posthaste. Oh, but before you completely leave… Rajira, would you care to linger for a private conversation?
Rajira: Of course, O Queen.
 
The rest of us don’t bother to mill outside - it’s pretty obvious that Rajira won’t be home tonight. 
 
Terzo: How did Rajira manage to dislocate her jaw like that?
Mahat: Like this *does the same*
Civilla: … wait, are you truly that oblivious? Out of everybody here there are only two pure-blooded humans. 
Terzo: … wait, what… Even you?!
Civilla OoC: ‘When a Hag and an unwilling male don’t love each other at all..’
Ayva OoC: ‘When a Hag successfully catfishes an adventurer…’