New Hero

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...
 
From Teh Bunneh's Bludmater D&D 4th
 
Boots: Dragonborn Warlord and future car insurance spokesthing
Pax: Human Fighter, a flank unto herself.
Hakkoz: Dwarf Cleric and living wall of velcro.
 
On Backstory:
Boots: "I come from a noble clan; we own lots of mud."
 
On generic boss fights.
Boots: "Ah, Captain Stereotype, we meet again."
 
On inspirational speeches:
Pax: "I rolled a critical success on questioning their manhood."
 
On Dwarven theology
Hakkoz: "I am the patron saint of burning logs."

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...
 
I would post from my current Necessary Evil Champions campaign, except…
 
They’re all villains. The dialogue tends to run like a blooper reel from The Osbournes TV show. “$%*@ you, you alien &$*@%. Right in your &*$@%$ ear!”
 
They’re saving Planet Earth, one potty-mouthed tirade at a time…

Quotes from Owlcon - part 1
 
Hero 6th Ed., "Lucha Libre Hero"
GM: Theron
El Espectro: well-respected scion of a line of luchadores; very skilled technico
Craneo Llamamente: El Espectro's tag team partner and sidekick; smaller but acrobatic technico
Supergran, the Atomic Aztec: an Aztec demigod; large and strong technico
Dr. Pershing (NPC): a rudo
El Monstro (NPC): Dr. Pershing's large, dumb and ugly tag team partner.
La Hija de Frankenstein (NPC): the main villainess
 
The PCs responded to a zombie attack at la universidad.
GM: La universidad is overrun with scientific zombies. You can tell they're scientific zombies because they have blinking lights attached to them.
 
Two zombies prepared to throw a concrete bench at Craneo Llamamente.
El Espectro: "Duck under it! Duck under it! It is too early in the movie to get injured. Wait until the third reel."
 
Zombie #1 threw zombie #2 at Supergran, but missed badly.
El Espectro: "Look! They fly!"
Supergran: (glancing over his shoulder) "Into things."
Supergran: (grabbed zombie #1 and threw him after zombie #2) "Your amigo went that way ... and amigos should stay together."
Zombie #1 hit zombie #2 and they crashed through a window.
Supergran: (yells at the zombies) "You're going to have to pay for that."
El Espectro: (to Supergran) "They were doing enough damage without your help."
 
El Espectro: "Let's see if the zombies bend in two. Look! They fold for easy storage!"
 
At the lucha libre match, the rudo team failed to appear. The PCs investigated and found them in their dressing room, but they had been transformed into old men.
Dr. Pershing: (describing the villains who did this two them) "The big one was uglier than El Monstro."
El Espectro: "I did not believe that was possible."
Supergran: "That is a lot of ugly."
 
The evidence indicated that la Hija de Frankenstein was the mastermind behind this plot, but Supergran saw her die.
El Espectro: "Are you sure she died? Did you see the body?"
Supergran: "No ... but I saw the explosion!"
El Espectro: (pointing to the security footage of the villainess) "Then how do you explain this?"
Supergran: (Suddenly coming to a realization...) "She must have had a twin sister!"
 
The luchadores arrived at the burned out castle of la Hija de Frankenstein. While El Espectro and Supergran discussed plans, Craneo Llamamente decided to sneak into the castle.
El Espectro: "Wait! Where did the little one go? Is he under the car?"
Supergran: (Picking up one end of the dune buggy) "No."
El Espectro: "Oh no! You know what happens when one person goes ahead alone..." (the two luchadores charge into the castle after Craneo Llamamente) "Wait for us!"
GM: The camera cuts to the next shot, where El Espectro and Supergran go charging past the stealthy Craneo Llamamente.
 
The luchadores succumbed to a gas attack.
El Espectro (ooc): We've been beaten over the head with box text.
 
The luchadores awakened shackled to wooden gurneys, while la Hija de Frankenstein (with her diabolical Vider Ray) gloats. The luchadores tried to get her monologuing so they can free themselves from their shackles.
El Espectro: "So ... what is your plan?"
Hija de Frankenstein: "Isn't it obvious?"
Supergran: "No."
 
El Espectro: (to la Hija de Frankenstein) "How did you survive the explosion?"
Hija de Frankenstein: "I escaped in my transistor monorail."
El Espectro: (to Supergran) "And you did not consider this possibility?"
Supergran: "Who puts a monorail in a castle?"
 
El Espectro tried to convince la Hija de Frankenstein's fanatical midget minions that her plan to put the power of los luchadores into them would be fatal to them.
El Espectro: (to the midgets) "You do not want this honor. The power of los technicos will destroy you."
The midgets: (in spooky unison) "It is an honor to serve the mistress. It is an honor to die for the mistress."
El Espectro: "No it's not. There's a flash of light, a little dust, and you're gone. I had to scrape two of you off my suit already."
 
Two scientific zombies approached Supergran wielding medical equipment.
Zombies: "Sesos. Sesos."
 
Supergran threw a Frankenstein monster at the Vider Ray device.
El Espectro: (to Supergran) "Don't destroy it! Professor Oses will need it to fix the others."
Supergran: (watching the monster fly toward the device) "Maybe he can rebuild it later..."
The monster missed and slams into the wall.
Later, la Hija de Frankenstein fired the ray at Craneo Llamamente, but he kicked a scientific zombie into the path of the ray. The scientific zombie was utterly destroyed.
El Espectro: (to Supergran) "I take it back. Destroy the machine!"

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...
 

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...
 
My brother's Neverwinter sorceress again


Suna : Well, I could sit around and tell you how I just managed to stun your entire party and turn half of you into chickens, but torture is quicker. Explanations take time and Chain Lightning is a one-phase action Edge City 3D, final episode!
 
Trawler : 12-ft tall, about the same wide
Terminus : Genetic warrior, now with a family of clone-brothers
Avatar : Autonomous fragment of the Sun, and mobile Chernobyl
Zero : Won't use his his powers for evil - unless he's in his civilian ID


Trawler : You might not be aware of this Zero, but you're actually scary now
Terminus : The sword helps
Zero : Is it the way I talk to it and giggle?
 
Zero : I've got a question... What does the radar... profile...thingy... say about that cloud? We're not going to get millions of vampire seagulls, are we?
Weldun, GM : Nah, vampire ducks - 'KVACK! KVACK!'
 
Zero : Pity they're obsolete and it's the wrong season anyway, or you could kiss her under the TOW missiles.
 
Terminus : Hey, Paladin! We're here to kick your ass!
Zero : ...again.
 
Avatar : I'm going to try knocking the Black Paladin off his horse...
Zero : His high horse. They are flying after all
 
Weldun, GM : Picture the Stargate effect ...
Zero : Not 2001?
Weldun, GM : I'm not that mean
From other table : Yes you are
 
Weldun, GM : Looking out over Edge City you see the fires are spotty...
Me: They just hit puberty In Cthulhu, Col. Lancaster, Lucy Kennedy, Amy Wells & Paddy McGinty return to Innsmouth, after several months of getting their names in the paper for frustrating Deep One plans, shooting unarmed hybrid nannies in the head, and so on. They also sign the Gilman Hotel guestbook with their real names & addresses, and are installed on the fourth floor of the hotel, with Lucy's invalid mother and wheelchair. Naturally, as GM I could barely keep my grin from splitting off the top of my head.
 
They start the session way off-balance, because as far as they can tell the monsters are killing each other.


Me, GM: You're pretty sure that was Ralsa's shoe you found in the vitrified crater. At the very least he left his foot in it. McGinty's player gets his geography slightly confused...


McGinty's player : We should have a horse, like the Massachusetts Rangers.
Me, GM : The who??? Do you mean the Texas Rangers?
McGinty's player : Oh yeah. Texas & Massachusetts are next to each other, aren't they? The group are unimpressed by the food in the dismal diner. Even the toast leaves much to be desired.


Paddy McGinty : It could be a raisin ... No, it's a weevil They also speculate somewhat wildly about the disappearance of the First National Grocery manager.


Col. Lancaster : The shelves aren't laid out in an occult symbol, are they? Customers walking from aisles 1 to 5 re-enacting an ancient Babylonian ritual?
Me,GM: No, the grocery is entirely Euclidean. The walls are flat, the floor is flat, there are no acute angles behaving as if they were obtuse.The only obtuse things around here are sitting in front of me.


Me,GM : Maybe his girlfriend had PMS?
Amy Wells, OOC : PMS doesn't make you break into groceries
Me,GM : But you do grow three-inch claws and punch in windows?
Amy Wells, OOC : Well, yes. But you don't break into groceries.
Lucy Kennedy, OOC : Sugar rush?
Amy Wells, OOC : Good point. Maybe it WAS her
Lancaster's opinion of McGinty hasn't improved


Col. Lancaster : I served in the Great War four four years and met quite a few of his countrymen who thought they'd got a wedding ring from a pineapple
 
Paddy McGinty : I've got an alarm - it's a hand-grenade and a piece of string. It sure gets you up in the middle of the night. See?
Col. Lancaster : Put the wedding ring back in the pineapple, McGinty.
 
Me, GM : No you can't buy a man-trap at the variety store! I don't want you getting out of bed in the middle of the night and loosing a leg!
Paddy McGinty OOC waves mangled hand I already nearly lost an arm! I could lose a leg too and still be useful!
Me, GM : As busy as a one-legged Irishman at an arse-kicking contest...
Col. Lancaster : What do you call an Irishman with one arm and one leg?
Me, GM : cautiously Whaaaat?
Col. Lancaster : A half-wit
Eavesdropping -


Dr. Marsh to persons unknown : Is this some punishment on me because I'll never change?! You let Averill kill my only son!
Paddy McGinty OOC : I knew that Lavigne woman was evil...
 
Me, GM: Must I remind you again that there's a slight difference between the IRA & the Ulster Volunteer Force?
 
Me, GM: You do have money. Lancaster throws cash around with as much enthusiasm as McGinty throws improvised explosives. Admittedly with more constructive results.

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...
 
A pair of assassins "decloak" from their invisibility ward and attack.
 
Vaela: Assassins!
 
Later another pair decloak
 
Vaela: Assassins!
 
And another pair
 
Vaela: Assassins.
 
Kale: Stop it! Every time you say "assassins" more show up!
 
Two more appear behind Vaela
 
Vaela: ...assassins
 
-------------------------------
 
The Evil Prince has a cadre of soldiers, twelve assassins, and about six notable individual NPCs guarding him when the three PCs and their one NPC friend attack.
 
Kale: Their giant has broken our Sorceress' mind control! We're dead!
 
Talik: Hes only one man! Youve killed LOTS of men! You can take him!
 
Evil Prince: *Haughtily* Quality will always trump quantity.
 
Talik: THATS why we've killed all YOUR men!
 
Vaela: (Oh burn!)
 
---------------------------------------------------
 
GM: Okay, you take a Bruise and an Injury (in M&M thats like a "Captain Kirk cut"; the cut Kirk got from Spock when he sliced Kirks shirt open in the fight on Vulcan which barely scratched Kirk's skin)
 
Utar (OOC): *Sings*
 
MAIMED!
 
Im gonna bleed forever!
 
I was just cut by this guy
 
WHY?!?
 
[Chorus] Dismember...Dismember...Dismember...Dismember...
 
Everyone: *Air guitar rock solo*
 
The Housecats:

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...
 
Last gaming session I was reminded of an old quote from D&D. Often the group I was in was distrusted in villages, even if they were needed. We got irritated at it and decided to get snarky. We had a halfling rogue who had a babyface and therefore looked like a human child (And used it shamelessly). We started doing a chant. I wish I could say it, it has a good meter. Group: "Rape. Kill. Pillage and burn. Rape kill pillage and burn." Halfling: "Eat babies!" Repeat as needed. Everyone in the group always gave the halfing a "Whaa???" look even though he always did it. (Part of the routine.) Became a running gag.

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...
 

 
Occasionally, but I've learned to stop doing such in public. It scares the mundanes.

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...
 
ProdigyDuck ran a Pathfinder conversion of Keep on the Borderlands at Gen Con, where we played the 1st Level versions of the iconic Pathfinder characters. Characters in play were:
 
Harsk: Dwarf Ranger with a 6 Charisma
Leni: Gnome Druid with green hair
Merisiel: Elf Rogue
Valeros: Human Fighter
Amiri: Human Barbarian girl with a Frost Giant sword
 
------------------
 
[The last Player to join the game is trying to pick a character]
 
Harsk (OOC): Im not saying that you have to play the Cleric. Im just saying that we're going to kill every other character until the Cleric shows up!
 
-------------------
 
Inkeeper: We have ale, cheese, roast fowl, roast jopint...
 
Harsk: Did you just offer me a JOINT!?!
 
Merisiel: Hey, this town might not be so bad
 
------------------
 
Harsk sees Valeros picking a bug out of his tankard and flicking it across the room.
 
Harsk: Hey longshanks! Theres a trash barrel right over there!
 
Leni: *GASP!* You DO care about the environment!
 
Harsk: :/
 
----------------
 
Harsk has made a big production out of brewing himself some tea. He finally finishes the process.
 
Leni: *Swipes Harsk's tea out from under his nose, sips it, and then giggles*
 
Harsk: I'LL WEARYOUR SKIN AS A HAT!
 
Leni: *looks herself up and down* Thats about all you'd be able to GET!
 
--------------------
 
GM: A vulture peers down at you from the barren tree
 
Leni: *Makes big Bambi-eyes, then makes kissy noises at it*
 
------------------
 
Valeros (OOC): So, the Kobolds are just standing there, in the light from Merisiel's lantern?
 
GM: Yeah, basically
 
Harsk (OOC): If they were smart, they rule the world.
 
-----------------
 
Valeros: I think that Harsk has had too much of that tea.
 
Amiri: Is that what they call the "crazy juice"?!?
 
---------------
 
Valeros (OOC): When a rat comes around a corner and roars at you, its a bad sign
 
--------------
 
Amiri (OOC): So let me get this straight...the Kobolds' entire pursuit force fell into their own pit trap?
 
Harsk (OOC): If they were smart...theyd rule the world.
 
---------------
 
Harsk: *Looks down into the pit at the pile of dead Kobolds, who fell in while trying to chase us* So.....when we get back to the keep...we LIE!
 
Merisiel: *sigh*....Agreed.
 
----------
 
Leni (OOC): I prestidigitate everyone clean.
 
Harsk: MY DEFENSIVE BUTT-GRIME!
 
--------------
 
Leni is writing down the treasure
 
GM: In the first sack you find 250 copper pieces. In the second, a large, hard cheese...
 
Leni: 200 and how many cheeses? ......

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...
 
Quotes from a Shadowrun4 game I am playing in, but not running.
 
----------
 
Team (I don't know their names yet):
Female Orc Sniper
Male Elf Mage
James: Male Human Hacker (Me)
 
----------
The team is following clues left by an abductor that lead to a Native American biker bar.
 
GM: You enter the bar and its like a scene out of those old west movies where everyone stops what their doing and stares at you.
 
James: I raise my hand and say, "How."
 
GM: Roll Initiative.

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...
 

 
Characters:
Magical Bunny Princess Moxie: A magical girl from an imported Japanese cartoon.
Bunbun: Her bunny/monkey pet. He grows into a giant bunny when Moxie is threatened.
Glamoura: Bad girl from the hit rock-n-roll cartoon Jewell and the Monograms
Shaolin Shark: The number two rated undersea martial arts cartoon! Sort of a cross between Hong Kong Fooey and Jabberjaws.
Scorpio Commando: A grunt trooper from the GI Jim series.
Groovy Dog: The mystery solving dog who travels around with a gang of teenagers in a van.
Bernie: Groovy Dog's much smarter sidekick.
Jacques Quack: French super-spy duck.
 
The plot (such as it was): All of our cartoons were getting moved to the post-midnight slot. They were going to make us edgier and more "adult" oriented. None of us wanted this, so we set out to find out who switched our timeslots, and make them switch us back!
 
We need to get past a security guard. Magical Princess Moxie decides to seduce him:
Guard: Your eyes are huge. And your mouth is tiny. And I can hardly see your nose.
Moxie: Well, I'm from Japan.
Guard: You don't sound Japanese.
Moxie: I've been dubbed.
Guard: Oh. Did that hurt?
Moxie: No, but sometimes now my lips don't match my words.
 
Sad Panda is sad:
Sad Panda: I got moved to the midnight slot. So they're going to kill my mom now.
Everyone: Awwwww!
Sad Panda: Guess I'll see you guys later. At my mom's funeral.
 
We run into mob boss Bobster entering his favorite resturant...
Groovy Dog: Bobster is a lobster?
GM: He's a reputed lobster. Nobody's ever proven anything.
 
We decide we need to set a trap for the reputed lobster:
Bernie: First, we'll grease the stairs with butter. Then we'll put a skateboard out, with a ramp.
Groovy: And at the end of the ramp, we'll put a pot full of boiling water.
Jacques Quack: Why don't we just cut a hole in the floor right above the boiling water?
Bernie and Groovy: *stare*
Groovy: Have you never set a trap for a bad guy before?
Bernie: Your plan is not nearly overcomplicated enough! Trust us, we do this all the time. And somehow, it works.
 
Several times during the game:
Groovy: Dammit!
Bernie: Groovy! Language!
Groovy: Oh my god! This new time slot is changing me already!

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...
 
Edit: Just to add that I'm having a blast and really glad I made it to GenCon this year!
 
Tonight I played Muppet Hero.
 
Now, one of the things I love about Hero System is that you really can do just about anything with it; but for this purpose, I do have to wonder why he didn't just use Toon! But in any case I had a blast.
 
I played Gonzo the Great. Even for a Muppet, he's a weirdo.
 
We're coming up on the big finish and there's an erupting volcano and rivers of lava in addition to killer robots and frog bounty hunters and Muppet Hammerhead Sharks etc. (which we can't escape because of rivers of lava you see) and he breaks for a "Public Service Announcement." He had the players who were playing Bunsen Honeydew and Beaker (the mad scientist and assistent from Muppet Labs) improvise a commercial for kids emphasizing the importance of learning math. As part of that, Beaker demonstrated multiplication - resulting in a multitude of Beakers.I state that Gonzo was listening and watching carefully and asks if he's learned to multiply too. Before you know it, we have a horde of Gonzos. Now, Gonzo's weird performance art involves a lot of fires and explosions and so forth, so written on the character sheet was a power representing resistance to "Energy Damage" which includes things like fire and heat - and lava. So I announce "I am going to use my multiple selves to make a living bridge across the lava so everyone can flee to safety. Like a bridge over troubled lava, I will lay me down."
 
And I asked "Do I get my theme music?"
 
The Game Operations Director turns to the group and says "all together now...." and they sang in chorus :whistle:"Like a bridge over troubled lava, I will lay me down...."
 
That's when I lost it. I literally fell out of my chair and lay on the floor laughing. I haven't laughed so hard in a long time.
 
Should I tell you about Miss Piggy and the hot tub?
 
Lucius Alexander
 
The palindromedary always wanted to be a guest on the Muppet Show

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...
 

 
Brontus: That wasn't me! It was the gnome! Why am I always getting blamed for his burrito cravings?
 
 
- Lonewalker

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...
 

 
Just don't stand behind him when he breaks wind.

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...
 
Last night's D&D 3.5 game. Trying to work from memory, without my trusty-rusty notebook, so I'm sure I'm forgetting something. But here goes nothing!
 
Before the game, Leila's player was talking about working at the police department, and some of the local wackos that repeatedly stop in at the front desk for various nutty reasons (i.e. complaining that one of the officers can "turn invisible").
 
Leila (OOC): The sergeant calls them "frequent fliers"...
Yllek (OOC): With the empasis on the "freak" part...
 
On to gaming. Last session, while I was out of town, the heroes defeated some sort of mega-giants, three of whom were bullying a tribe of stone giants. The DM is telling me what happened.
 
DM: ... so one of the Big giants picked up the nearest fighter (points at Aren) and used him to beat on everybody else.
Yllek (OOC writes something and hands it to Il'Marcum's player): Note -- have Kalen [Yllek's woodworker brother] carve a club in the likeness of Aren.
Il'Marcum (OOC): Ooo! And I can get a permanent Magic Mouth scroll, so it says "Ow! Ow!" every time it hits someone or something!
 
Some goat-people allies bring an eight-sided box to us, wrapped in a deer skin. They found it but refuse to touch it because "it has bad juju."
 
DM: ... and there are eight small hexagon-shaped holes, one on each side of the box.
Yllek: I look inside. What do I see?
DM: Nothing. All you see is darkness.
Yllek (jokingly): I shoot a magic missile at the darkness!
Devlyn (picking up the reference and starts talking like a whining teenage boy): Are there any chicks in the room? If there are, I want to DO THEM!
 
We go to the river where the goat people found the box. To search the water, Leila had turned all of us except Ryan into otters. We find odd pieces of carved stone, then eventually spot a half-buried stone room 40 feet up in the cliff face. (Over time, mudslides uncovered it and one corner collapsed and caused the box to fall from the room, into the river and roll downstream where the goat people eventually found it.) Unfortunately, Ryan can't communicate with all of us otters.
 
Yllek: I go over to Ryan's pack, rummage around until I find a piece of cloth, tie it around my neck like a cape, and then stand like this! (Poses dramatically, like Superman)
Ryan: What? You want me to throw you up there?
Yllek (nods vigorously)
DM: All right. Ryan grabs Yllek by the tail and begins spinning him around his head...
 
We all eventually get up there and discover that the room leads to two others, with no apparent entrance other than the corner that collapsed. The walls are intricately carved and brightly colored, with eight lines (each a different color) leading from starting points in one room to the corner that collapsed, and presumably to the mystery box.
 
Through trial and error, we discover that spells from different magic schools cause different carved lines to light up. So we come up with a plan to direct magic into all eight lines and position the mystery box at the other end to see what happens. The whole thing is very complicated and requires a lot of effort on our part.
 
Ryan: You know, we have absolutely no idea what all of this does. All we know is that the room will generate some sort of epic-level spell, way past our level, but no idea of even what kind of spell it is. The box holds pure magic and appears to temporarily suck away our highest level spells. And apparently, if we cast a bunch of spells in the right order, we can probably activate the box. Again, with no idea of what it's going to do once it's activated. Only adventurers would be stupid enough to actually do something like this...
 
We teleport back to town to pick up some supplies first, and Yllek realizes that he forgot his new wife's birthday, so he goes to the best jeweler in town.
 
Yllek: I explain to the jeweler that I forgot my wife's birthday, so I need to find a nice present. Something that will keep her from killing me.
Jeweler: Oh, that's okay, we have many fine pieces.
Yllek: Her birthday was last week.
Jeweler: Ooo. I don't know if we have anything *that* nice.
 
Yllek: I knock on the front door and kneel there. I hold out the flowers, the necklace, and my dagger, while exposing my neck...
Kalina: (rolls her eyes and sighs in exasperation) Get in here!
 
The next day, we go back to the mystery box and the mystery room. Il'Marcum casts the spells and we activate the box. It generates a 4-foot globe of white energy, and Ryan and Yllek are immediately sucked inside. Il'Marcum and Leila approach the globe.
 
Il'Marcum: What the heck. I jump in. Geronimo!!!
DM: Oookay. Leila, you see Il'Marcum jump into the globe, yelling some weird name, you have no idea why.
Leila: (shrugs) I jump in too.
DM: Do *you* yell anything?
Yllek (OOC): Sitting Bull!
 
After everybody finally jumps in, we find ourselves in a 2-mile across pastoral setting, deserted except for a few sheep. The thing is floating 50,000 feet up in the air. It is also apparently sitting outside time, and Il'Marcum can't teleport us out, nor can Leila tree-walk out of there. So we're trying to figure out how to get home.
 
Il'Marcum: There *has* to be a way out. After all, we got in, didn't we?
DM: Yeah, and the only way in was from a room that was, until recently, completely buried. Before that, it had no other entrance. You had to have been to the room before, and then use Teleport to get inside. Then, to activate the gate, you needed spells from *every* school of magic, and position the box *just right.* It's not like they just left the front door open for anyone to slip in...
 
Yllek: Well, since we're apparently stuck here for a while... (goes into full Cleric mode)... have you heard the Good News about Autumn Willow?

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...
 

 

 
*blink* *blink*
 

 
I am so yoinking that line to use somewhere, somehow.
 
It's about as bad as the vampire referring to one of the NPCs as his personal "juice dispenser."

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...
 
The Skull: Was: A vigilante with a cybernetic arm and leg; quite strong, but not too bright; used a sledgehammer and ranged weapons built into his arm.
Is: A robot with big guns; still quite strong and not bright...
Ronin: A martial artist with the ability to manipulate darkness/darkforce.
 
Just before the session:
Skull's player is drawing something.
GM: Thanks for destroying the atmosphere...
Ronin's player is drawing something.
GM: Maybe I should start drawing too?...
Ronin (OOC): So when do we start playing?
 
The Skull: Is this powered armor resistant to MP3 grenades?
Everyone else:

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...
 
At the risk of tooting my own horn, I had a brief flash of wit at our game last night.
 
We're starting a new game, playing low-level superheroes in a gritty street-level campaign. The PCs were invited to the funeral of a reclusive rich man and the reading of his will, wherein it's revealed the deceased was a retired superhero who fathered all of them.
 
Everybody's introducing themselves to each other, and it comes out my character's the only one without powers (I'm playing basically a Tony Stark / Bruce Wayne type without the angst).
 
One of the other characters, a Paris Hilton-clone with ice powers, commiserated with him, "Aw, poor baby! No superpowers for you!"
 
With a deadpan voice, I riposted, "Yeah, I guess I'll just have to console myself with being obscenely rich. It's such a burden to bear."

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...
 
Discussing my efforts at dialogue and cut scenes in Spore : Galactic Adventures
 


Pukusian General inspiring his soldiers before they go into some vicious door to door fighting : Try not to kill too many civilians. Remember, lads, we're not at home to Captain Collateral
 
Which got us onto one of Ian's old characters - Captain Collateral, whose power was a ranged hole-in-the-middle energy blast, with cascading sixes. Thus, he could target somebody or something, and leave them unharmed, but fry everything in a ring around that. He once managed to get an 80 out of 6 dice. Unfortunately that vaporised the bad guys, the rest of his own team, and half of the Sydney CBD.
 


Captain Collateral - a danger to himself and others... but mostly others
 
After the Captain fled the country (after warning the world that if anybody came after him he'd destroy the rest of the city) Ian came up with another character with a knack for convincing bluff
 


Incredibly Tough Man : *bursts into room* Never fear, Incredibly Tough Man is here!
Bad Guys : Er, how tough are you?
Incredibly Tough Man : You know Sydney? I was there
Bad Guys : Ok, we're going to shoot this other guy then. No point wasting missiles.
 
In fact, his only super powers were super-human intelligence and incredible amounts of overacting. He built himself some powered armour later
 


Incredibly Tough Man : *bursts into room* Never fear, Incredibly Tough Man is here! Now, in ARMOUR!
 
But onto last night's game -
 
Paddy McGinty - Mad Protestant Bomber
Sydney Delthorn - Mad Unitarian Student
Lucy Smith - Half Mad, Half Pickled
Alexei Petrovich - Russia's Mad Monk Parapsychologist
 


Me : "That reminds me - I have to do some research on vampires before Saturday's game"
My wife : "What kind of vampires?"
Me : "All kinds - hungry ghosts, vampire tools, hair-eating Burmese vampires, blood-sucking squash..."
My wife : "If any of them sparkle, they're getting staked on the spot"
Me : "No, no sparkles - well, there may be fireworks, but no sparkles."
Finally got to run the homebrewed Cthulhu adventure I've been planning for months - the one that ties together all the clues about Boston crime bosses, stolen gold, the Miskatonic library's lending policy on the Necronomicon, and the reclusive 'Mr Smith'.
 
And to my utter pleasure, and no little thanks to deliberate red herrings such as the quote above, they went in armed for vampires, and got Vitus.
 


My wife, player of Lucy Smith and, formerly, 3 : Oh, you ****er. You ****ing ****er. Come here so I can slap you. AND you're sleeping on the couch tonight.
 
My wife, for the rest of the evening : Bastard
Me : But am I a magnificent bastard?

 
The rest of the players from the previous Vitus-featuring Champion campaign, invited over to spectate on the reveal, were all vastly amused or grudgingly impressed. Players currently in this campaign, not so much
 
It was an understandable error on the investigators part- weirdo moves into country house, he never comes out during the day, he's never been seen by anybody other than his assistant, who goes into town to buy strange chemicals, rare books, and human blood by the bottle...
 
They just didn't know it was the assistant that drank the blood.
 
In case anybody thinks having Vitus turn up is a Cthulhu game is out-of-genre, I point out that dimension-hopping animal-headed sorcerers are not only Chaosium-canon ( Wrona Bors and his demonic familiar The Man In Black from With Malice Aforethought) they're Lovecraft-canon, too! Through The Gate of the Silver Key, anyone? And the tapir-snouted Swami from Yaddith had the advantage of his own TARDIS - Vitus has been trying to locate another way to the Great Library in the Pleiades.
 
But that was all at the end of the session - Game opens with the PCs waiting at one of the Arkham cinemas for their friend the PI 'Hammer' Dragovic, before they go in to see the evening movie - Nosferatu, as it happens ( it just so happened to be released that year IRL, by a happy coincidence - ). He's a no-show - apparently he had a hot lead on $40,000 worth of stolen mob bullion. He doesn't show up the next day, either, and his friends start getting nervous.
 
Elsewhere, Sydney Delthorn is delivering the Miskatonic U's copy of the John Dee Necronomicon to the farmhouse 'Mr Smith' is renting. As Mr Masters takes the book upstairs to the unseen 'Smith's' room, he hears what might be muffled shouts and thumping coming from the root cellar. He later discusses his fears with his colleagues.
 


Paddy OOC: Are you sure it wasn't a raccoon-camel? (referring to the party's theories about the Thing in the Attic, last session)
 
Paddy: I'm just the glorified chauffeur around here
Lucy : ...and don't you forget it
 
Lucy doesn't feel up to anything energetic - she's still recovering from being slashed half open by her great-uncle Gregory last session.
 


Lucy : Going to the flicks is one thing - dancing is right out - I wouldn't want my guts to fall out on the dancefloor
Me, GM : Yes, the 20's gave us so many great dances - the Charleston, the Foxtrot, the Intestine Skid...
 
Other musical accompaniment for the game
 


To the tune of The Lion Sleeps Tonight -
 
Teke-li-li, teke-li-li, teke-li-li, teke-li-li
Teke-li-li, teke-li-li, teke-li-li, teke-li-li
 
Down in R'lyeh, in Sunken R'lyeh
Cthulhu sleeps tonight
Down in R'lyeh, in Blackest R'lyeh
Cthulhu sleeps tonight
 
TekeeeeeeEEeeEEEee-li-li, teke-li-li  


Alexei : I was down at the speakeasy feeling merry. Then Mary left.
 
Me, GM : what will the neighbours think of you leaving a strange man on the doorstep?
Lucy : That I've got standards.
Me, GM : Lucy? Standards? When did that happen?
 
Their choice of movie viewing colours their theories about what's actually going on at the farmhouse. My efforts to dissuade them do nothing but strengthen their conviction that they're up against a vampire. BWAHAHAHAHA
 


Me, GM : Why are you leaping to all these conclusions? Because you just saw Nosferatu? Just as well you didn't see The Circus, or you'd think you the upstairs room was full of murderous clowns. Or A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court - is there a bunch of knights on bicycles in the bedroom too?
Sydney : But the noise was coming from the basement
Me, GM : Ah, that makes sense - there's more room down there.
 
I will make no comment about the PCs lewd theories about what Hammer Dragovic was really up to, other than to say Dr Horrible's Sing-along Blog got a reference, and party raised eyebrows when they discovered he'd pulled off into a off-street.
 


Alexei : *trying to get back in to Lucy's good books* We brought the beautiful scenery with us
Paddy : Stop blowing smoke up her arse or I'll have to start calling her a chimney
 
Group starts planning ways to get to the house
 


Paddy : Gottit! Protestant doorknockers
Me, GM : You already got a pair of Catholic knockers here *points at Lucy*
Lucy: Lapsed Catholic
Alexei : You know a better bra will stop them lapsing so far
 


Alexei : Lapse any further and the underwear will be a camel toe.
Me, GM : Raccoon-camel toe.
 
Underwear also feature when they finally manage to get to the house, at 2 in the morning on a moonless night, and realise they've left the lockpicking tools back in the truck. Lucy suggests they use the underwire from her bra. They don't even think about the wisdom on trying to sneak up on a suspected vampire in the middle of night until they're already at the house. Arguments get increasing heated, and loud, but that's all irrelevant - Vitus has been awake and watching them from the bedroom window since they fell into the drainage ditch earlier. Not that they realise this until too late. The PCs realise they really should be trying to be stealthy, and pretend to be chickens.
 


Me, GM : *long look at Lucy's player* As far as I know chicken don't go *uck *uck *uck *uck. Although maybe Lucy chickens do?
 
The Guild gets a bit chilly in winter - Alexei's & Lucy's players rug up under one blanket
 


Paddy's player : Oh look, it's the Siamese Idiots
Alexei's & Lucy's players : *sing the Siamese cat song from Lady and The Tramp, complete with dance moves*
 
They discover that the kitchen door has already been kicked in anyway. Paddy privately thinks that this is a good thing, since it means the three business partners' he arranged to go in earlier have already been, and obviously three armed men against one would easily overpower anybody that was in the house. There's no need to be stealthy anymore. Then they discover the three mobsters beaten unconscious in the root cellar.
 


Paddy : ****

 
Dragovic is there too, chained to the wall & gagged. His first words once they get the gag off is "Run! For the love of God run!" Alexei, Lucy, & Sydney consider this eminently wise advice and flee for their lives. Paddy, on the other hand, elects to stick around.
 


Lucy, later : That's Dragovic for you - always thinking of others. Unlike that Irish bastard McGinty, who throws grenades into the kitchen the rest of us are in
 
Paddy still expecting Nosferatu: I'm waiting for a creepy bald head to come round the corner. Then I'm going to blow it off.
 
Of course I wanted to be fair to the players - Vitus was not going to use any magic with two exceptions ( and in the end didn't even need to use those) and his physical skills all wound down to merely competent. I also scripted his actions and responses in advance, unless the players did something silly to give themselves away ( happily, they did). On the other hand, I did split the players up, so that they couldn't use player-knowledge to inform their reactions, when, say, their point-man sticks his head around a corner, screams, and starts blazing away at something on the stairs. It upped the panic wonderfully. The enchanted knife they picked up in an earlier adventure would have been an advantage - if they had remembered to bring it.
 


Me, GM : The bullet whines off into the darkness
Alexei : Stupid whinging bullets
 
Vitus takes them down hard, leaving half of them with broken jaws, hairline skull fractures, and so on. It's not pretty. They resign themselves to a dramatic fade to black, and are quite surprised to wake up in the basement.
 


Me, GM : It would appear the werewolf-thing has run out of chain. But that's ok, since you so thoughtfully brought all that rope with you.
 
Vitus is standing in a chalk circle consulting the Miskatonic copy of the Necronomicon he 'borrowed', chanting and gesturing violently in a bestial tongue.
 


Alexei : *looking at Lucy, understandably worried* you're not a virgin are you? *thinks this statement through for a moment, visibly dismisses it, and turns to Sydney instead*
 
Vitus pierces his own palm with the tip of a dagger, and presses it to the foreheads of the eight captives, and snarls
 


"Take heed, humans. Should you ever raise your hand against me again, I have given my creatures leave to drink your soul. Every flea, every louse, every tick and bedbug and floor maggot will be free to pierce your skin and kill you by degrees. One bite, and every chill and fever is more of your being gone to feed their kind. Do not cross me - for I am Wrath, and every crawling creature of your your world can be my eyes."
 
And then left town, leaving the Necronomicon behind, since the starmaps Dee re-drew for his edition are uselessly inaccurate for his purposes. Not that the PCs know this, and they now fully intend to read the book cover to cover to find out just what that bastard did to them - BWAHAHAHAHAHA
 
And the best thing about this? It's all a total bluff. The chant was Vitus's commentary on humanity's incestuous ancestry, and what he'd like to do to them, in the gnoll language Uruak. Sure, there are enchantments and geases but Vitus is prejudiced against that particular college of magic.
 
Anyway, I prepared a Mythos CYOA, in advance -
 


Understandable Mistakes
 
Anyone would have made the same error - the reclusive SCHOLAR, who never left his HOUSE in the DAY, and his regular order of human blood from the SANITARIUM. Of course you thought he was a VAMPIRE. Who would have expected an alien WEREWOLF-thing, who now has you and your ALLIES chained in the basement for further SPELL research?
 
Heroic Adventure, +8, +3 San

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...
 
From the latest campaign
 
Someone wanted to get skills to be more "undercoverous"...
 
Out of context...
GM (OOC):How do you like gaming so far?
Player (OOC): I gotta change my pants…
 
Female player OOC: Do you have any popsicles?
Male OOC: Just one – but it’s not cold.
 
After way too many bad jokes: I’m not sure who to punch anymore…
 
In a discussion on "lubricating the gears of his mind"
Female PC: If you need me to lubricate the gears of… (OOC) don’t go there!
 
Sounds like they need power sensitivity training…
 
OOC: I think Dick Harder was the roommate of Harry Beaver
 
On aiding with computer skills…
Dash: You can be the left hand.
Graviton: I was thinking I might get lucky…
 
After going to a night club
Willow: (Asking the GM)Oh? I don’t get laid?
GM (OOC): Was that a goal?
Players OOC quoting 8-Bit theatre: If there are any guys there, she wants to do them!
 
On discussing how "functional" Prism (a brick with a humanoid diamond form) is in his shape shifted form... all OOC
Player 1: Doesn't it have facets? That would be sharp!
GM: Well, he could always "smooth out the edges"...
Player 2: Gives a new meaning to the terms "polishing his jewels"
 
In describing doing a telepathic mind-reading
GM: You get into his brain…
Player 1 (OOC)… it is dark
GM (OOC): You may be eaten by a Grue…
 
Player 1 (OOC):I’ve been jerking around too much… let me rephrase that...
 
Player 1 (OOC):Do you have a paper-clip sized tool?
Player 2 (OOC):Anything *I* have would be too big…

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...
 
Oh there's mess of them...
 
Star Wars: A New Hope
 
10. "Get in there you big furry oaf, I don't care what you smell!"
9. "Luke, at that speed do you think you'll be able to pull out in time?"
8. "Put that thing away before you get us all killed."
7. "You've got something jammed in here real good."
6. "Aren't you a little short for a stormtrooper?"
5. "You came in that thing? You're braver than I thought."
4. "Sorry about the mess..."
3. "Look at the size of that thing!"
2. "Curse my metal body, I wasn't fast enough!"
1. "She may not look like much, but she's got it where it counts, kid."
 
The Empire Strikes Back
 
10. "I thought that hairy beast would be the end of me."
9. "Size matters not. Judge me by my size, do you?"
8. "There's an awful lot of moisture in here."
7. "But now we must eat. Come, good food, come..."
6. "That's okay, I'd like to keep it on manual control for a while."
5. "Hurry up, golden-rod..."
4. "I must've hit it pretty close to the mark to get her all riled up like that, huh kid?"
3. "Possible he came in through the south entrance."
2. "And I thought they smelled bad on the outside!"
1. "Control, control! You must learn control!"
 
Return of the Jedi
 
10. "Hey, point that thing someplace else."
9. "I look forward to completing your training. In time you will call me master."
8. "I never knew I had it in me."
7. "There is good in him, I've felt it."
6. "Grab me, Chewie. I'm slipping -- hold on. Grab it, almost... you almost got it. Gently now, all right, easy, easy, hold me Chewie."
5. "Hey, Luke, thanks for coming after me -- now I owe you one."
4. "Back door, huh? Good idea!"
3. "She's gonna blow!"
2. "I think you'll fit in nicely."
1. "Rise, my friend."

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...
 

 
Which reminds me of the most suggestive line uttered by a character in Star Wars:
 
"Pull out, Wedge! You're not doing any good back there!"
 

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...
 
Some quotes from this week's Cthulhu session, The Crawford Inheritance from Escape From Innsmouth , but first one I neglected to include from last weeks sadly sub-par Edge City 3D collection. ( We didn't even play our version of Game of Life in it's stead - darn, I was lookng forward to the Back To The Future, and Martian War Machines rules...)
 
We had arrived at the Gamer's Guild and almost immediately my wife and Barbara vdB starting talking about wool supplies.
 
 


Barbara vdB : "I've never seen balls that big"
Everybody : *long pause*
Purrdence ( Lucy's player ) :*starts to snigger*
Me : *counts to ten* "Two minutes. We're here for two minutes...
 
I haven't decided whether 'Always On' is an Advantage or Disadvantage on Purrdence's Smut Field.
 
The absence of the group's other elemental smut-being this week may or may not affect the game - the two together has a notably synergistic effect, but I fear Purrdence just stepped up the innuendo-power to compensate.
 
We play Chez Geek whilst we wait for players to turn up.
 
 


Me : *reading the 'Gaming Nookie' text* " 'Hey baby, want to see my miniatures?' "
Purrdence: "Isn't that a line you used on me?"
 
Me : *plays a fourth cat card*
Purrdence: He likes pussy *leers*
Me : smugly Indeed I do *plays next card - 'Nookie Monster'*

 
Anyway - the PCs continue to nibble away at the edges of my campaign's central horror - at its penumbra, as it were - but I'm still ensuring enough unrelated nightmares to keep them off balance. I'm also throwing in plenty of minor incidents in between sessions of play - minor incidents that will no doubt come back to bite them on the arse when they put two and two together. Purrdence is getting very suspicious about the way I grin broadly and giggle to myself when I think about up-coming sessions.
 
 


Me, GM : "[Alexei's player] can't make it this week, alas."
Lucy, OOC : "Darn, I'll have to get my booze elsewhere."
 
We're missing Dr Elliot's player too - he's been incapacitated by an unliving hybrid, monster - i.e. A flu virus.
 
The new P.I. never showed, either - perhaps he was got by a dimensional shambler.
 
On the other tentacle, we have another new player - my brother, a gamer of such masterful bastardry he has his own Livejournal tag ( you may have heard of some of his previous exploits, such as the Wimbledragon Tennis Open, Breeding Mimics for Fun & Profit, and the spell Mass Chicken). He also came to my wedding dressed as a Ringwraith. In the Cthulhu campaign he's playing an ex-army sapper, who now drives trucks and does quarrywork, operates steamshovels and the like, for a living. Sure, this gives the party access to explosives, but I'll be filing that under "Rope, Sufficiency Thereof"
 
 


GM, Me : "You lost half a hand in the Great War, when one of your subordinates did something stupid with a satchel charge. Of course the subordinate lost half his head, but that's OK - he clearly wasn't using it."
 
He's been hired to drive the truck the party will be using to remove the warehouse contents and furnishings that Lucy's mother has apparently inherited in the shunned town of Innsmouth. Only the three PCs... But what could possibly go wrong? BWAHAHAHAHA
 
There was some initial confusion - Ian thought the campaign was set in Old England.
 
 


Me, GM : "But you're not in Ireland anymore - you moved to America after the GREAT War - specifically, Arkham.
Paddy McGinty's player : "Oh God."
Sydney Delthorn, Scholar, OOC : "There is no god here - only Cthulhu"
 
I describe the decaying town in some detail - the encroaching salt marsh, the abandoned farms swallowed by wind-blown sand, the town itself, half it's buildings empty and collapsing in ruin.
 
 


Paddy McGinty : "Oh look, a slanty shanty."
 
An Innsmouth local helpfully giving directions : "Across the river and take the first left. Hancock street will be on your right."
McGinty's Player to me, suspiciously "The bridge is still standing, isn't it?"
 
Ian is playing McGinty as a cheerfully underhanded, argumentative drunk. All of it in the correct accent, too. I just wish someone had recorded more of his glowing report on Innsmouth to mob boss Dan O'Bannion.
 
 


Paddy McGinty : "I'm in this little place called Innsmouth, have ye heard of it? Beautiful little place - three police in the whole town, empty warehouses all along the water there " etc.
 
Innsmouth Police : "Where'd you git that axe?"
Paddy McGinty : "From that shed right over there, ya see"
Innsmouth Police : Then you're all under arrest for breaking and entering
Paddy McGinty : Ah, but the shed's already falling down, ya see - no breaking anything to get in. So technically, that'd be 'entering with intent'.
 
Me, GM : "...And the kitchen with the old upright stove that you're in."
Lucy Smith's Player : "He's in the stove?"
Me, GM : "The kitchen - he's in the kitchen"
 
The Esoteric Order of Dagon gets it's first mention, and three of us spontaneously burst into song.
 
 


"Daaaaagon. Da-aa-aa-gon...
Dagon's coming and me wanna go home.
DAY-aa-aa-aa-aa-aaaaa-gon...
Dagon's coming and me wanna go home.
Six-foot, seven-foot, eight-foot TEETH
Dagon's coming and me wanna go home.
No Mister Preacher-man, I am not bananas,
Dagon's coming and me wanna go home. "
 
Harry Belafonte is spinning in his grave
 
And now that we've got an argumentative Irish Protestant in a party that already had a Roman Orthodox, a Unitarian, a lapsed Catholic, and so on, we can expect more appallingly in-character arguments about religion as we got today
 
 


Lucy Smith : "But I haven't been to church in ages!"
Paddy McGinty : "So, you're not only a dirty catholic heathen...
Me, GM : "...they aren't even a good dirty catholic heathen."
Sydney Delthorn, ( Unitarian ) meekly resigning himself to mediate : "I guess I'll be baking some cookies then."
 
Paddy McGinty regarding deceased npc: She's gone to a better place... If she was Protestant.

 
My wife hasn't read much Lovecraft - so she's unaware of the history of Innsmouth and the biology of the Deep Ones. As such, she as yet has no idea why this line, about one Ralsa Marsh, great-grandson of Obed, reduced me to hysterics.
 
 


Lucy Smith : *sniffs* Men like that never change.
 
McGinty, as part of his repairs to the house Lucy's mother has inherited, has declared war on the raccoon the PCs have assumed lives in the attic. This includes getting caught in his own improvised fish-hook lined raccoon-trap, setting off fireworks at 3 in the morning, and making home-made grenades from glass bottles stuffed with blackpowder and rusty nails.
 
The other player-characters are getting slightly annoyed with the explosions and gunfire late at night, and want to know why he's so enthusiastic with "His little bang-bangs"
 
 


Me, GM : It's his wild Celtic spirit that loves to blow things up ... Just ask the IRA.
 
Continued next fortnight, when the PCs figure out it isn't a raccoon and go running for help.
 
And overheard from another table
 
 


Hagadorn: *after blowing both legs and an arm off a vampire* "And now I'm splashing holy water on the stumps. 'The power of Christ compels you - bitch' "

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...
 

 
My brain is worse. It tortures me by translating songs I hear on the radio as sung by other people.
 
I was driving to work one day and the radio started playing "Hotel California." For some God-forsaken reason, my brain started singing along in a William Shatner voice:
 
"There she stood... inthedoorway,
I hearrrrd... a mission bell.
And I was thinking... to myself,
This... could be heaven... orthiscouldbehell."
 
I nearly ran off the road.
 
Then there was the time Sean Connery started singing "I Can't Get No Satisfaction"...

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...
 
Ive got an evil brain that LOVES to mangle lyrics. Usually in "Weird Al" type ways.
 
Vixen's "Love made me blind to the truth" becomes "Love made me blonde to the roots".
 
Its been happening since I was a kid. The BeeGees "More than a woman (more than a woman to me)" became "Bald-headed wombat! (Bald headed wombat with fleas)".
 
It never ends.
 
My room mates have threatened me with violence if I dont keep this stuff to myself