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BoloOfEarth

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BoloOfEarth last won the day on September 10 2020

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  • Birthday 06/17/1964

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  1. Had a little time this evening to go over a few more pages: Page 6: SPEED – I’m unsure about whether you want to add this, but you might mention that a Segment is one second long. Also, suggest either capitalizing Segment throughout the text, or putting it in lower-case in the HAYMAKER paragraph on page 13. Personally, I prefer it being capitalized when referring to a game element, but YMMV. Either way, it should be consistent. You may also consider capitalizing Turn here. (It’s capitalized in How to Recover on page 9.) Actually, suggest in paragraph 1 changing to {how often you move and act in a 12-Segment period, called a Turn.} DEXTERITY – suggest you capitalize Phase throughout the text when referring to the Segment you get to act, or else put it in lower-case in the SPEED 2nd paragraph above and the How To Recover on page 9. Again, personally I prefer it being capitalized when referring to the game element of time, by YMMV here as well. Page 7: No correction needed on this first part, I just really loved the “Eric the Half-a-Phase” heading. EVERYTHING!, paragraph 4 – suggest {but do have fun and contribute; don’t feel limited}. Also suggest adding to end something like {This is role playing, after all.} UNTIL, paragraphs 1 and 2 – suggest change “unit” to “agency”. Suggest adding a very brief paragraph at the bottom of the page to get the players ready for the intro adventure. Something like: {MEMORIES Now that you’re familiar with your friends and foes, it’s time for your GM to give you your first taste of Champions with an introductory adventure called Memories.} Page 8: Chapter Two, paragraph 3 – the second half reads a bit clunky, and the “might already know” vs. “until the adventure is over” feels discouraging. Suggest something like: {Some of it you might already know from the initial adventure; other parts you can discover now and in later chapters. A few things you may not find out about until the adventure is over.} Skills to Pay the Bills, paragraph 1 – error {role playing, have your character} Same paragraph, suggest adding {don’t just tell the GM} Skills to Pay the Bills, paragraph 2 – suggest change to {various skills your character can use} Page 9 BONK!, paragraph 1 – capitalization and punctuation errors {Someone who is Stunned is dazed, unable to act} (Capitalize Stunned and add comma) How To Recover, paragraph 2 – suggest {But, you also get a free}
  2. I wasn't sure how to get edits to you, so I figured I'd post them here. Sorry, only got up to page 6 in the Player book, too many things going on right now. But I figured something is better than nothing. Where I'm quoting text, I put it in curly brackets, and tried to denote words to be added or changed in red. I also tried to differentiate between actual errors to be fixed and suggestions to maybe improve pieces. Champions Begins – Player book Page 1: Intro, paragraph 2 – error {not have any, it’s all great fun.} What is Champions, paragraph 4 – suggest {and how to get out there punching bad guys} Page 2: Play That Role, paragraph 1 – suggest {rules to make it work well with others.} Same section, paragraph 4 – error {across the street.” Ask the old fellow} Same section, same paragraph – suggest {The Game Master (GM) is playing…} – It’s not hard to figure out in context, but it can’t hurt, and won’t mess too much with formatting. Don’t Hate the Game…Master, paragraph 2 – error {you’ll get through it somehow, even} Page 3: Enough Already!, paragraph 1 – error {I agree, let’s get to the game.} Enough Already!, paragraph 1 & 2, suggest: I agree, let’s get to the game. This adventure is set up in several parts. The first scenario has some basic concepts and a simple plot to get things rolling. Later parts add more info and new things you can do, as the story unfolds. So let’s open this comic book and get started! In Character, paragraph 4 – error {Your GM will have character cards} Getting Personal, paragraph 1 – suggest {so you can see what you can do in each chapter. The Character Sheet, graphic of character sheet – suggest you use a shot of the first one (with only STR, DEX, INT, OCV, DCV, PD, ED, SPEED, and STUN). The reader is likely to refer to it while reading the next page. Page 4: Characteristics, paragraph 2 – suggest not hyphenate “baby” Same section – suggest moving paragraph 3 {Strength…} above 2 {How Good Is My Stat?}. I think that might flow better, since paragraph 1 mentions three “primary” characteristics. Characteristics, paragraph 10 – the first character card (in the Character Book) also lists SPEED in the characteristics. You may want to mention it among the other Combat characteristics. Also suggest putting STUN in all caps, throughout the doc, when referring to the characteristic. Movin’ On Up – suggest reword first sentence, maybe something like {The PURPLE section of the character sheet shows how the character can move around.} If so, perhaps have the next sentence start {Some characters have} Combat – suggest {and the base OCV roll (explained below) you have with each.} A newbie is likely to see an OCV of 5 in the Characteristics, and the OCV of 16- in the Combat section, and get confused, since both are labeled OCV. Page 5: Fighting Words – error {It’s not a Superhero story} Punching Bad Guys, paragraph 1 – error {When it’s your chance} Punching Bad Guys, paragraph 4 – suggest {you hit that DCV (or less).} Also suggest {then you hit a 6 DCV or less.} Punching Bad Guys, Example – suggest {Apex hit any DCV up to 7.} You Look Stunning, paragraph 2 – error {grouping the dice in tens} Page 6: SPEED – you refer to SPD (both in here and in the Character Book) in the text, though the character sheets have it spelled out SPEED. I’d suggest you keep it SPEED here as well, or note it as {First on the block is SPEED (or SPD),} Sorry I didn't get through more, but hope this helps.
  3. They preface your name with "Trump sycophant and all-around liar"
  4. That's it. You're all fired.
  5. Maryland man accused of killing his pharmacist brother wanted to confront him for administering the Covid-19 vaccine, court documents say "Jeffrey Allen Burnham, 46, also allegedly told a tipster "that his brother was 'killing people with the COVID shot,'" according to the statement of charges." One wonders whether anti-vaxxer media types might bear some (legal) responsibility for things like this.
  6. A scene not unlike the final event of the Upper Class Twit of the Year competition NT: NASA is going to intentionally crash a spacecraft into an asteroid, reportedly to test the ability to redirect an oncoming asteroid and protect Earth from an impact. But what is the REAL reason for the DART mission? (Go ahead, go all QAnon on us here. The crazier, the better.)
  7. The signs on the rear of the American cycles that say "Beware of Rocket Exhaust" are a bit suspect.
  8. I knew he had a mental block that he didn't think he could alter molecules of living things, but didn't realize he used a wand at first.
  9. I don't care so much about that. I'm more concerned about women being made of Kleenex. NT: Okay, so some people have hyped anti-malarial drugs (chloroquine), horse de-wormers (ivermectin), and guzzlilng bleach. What's the next non-vaccine "miracle cure" to be touted for coronavirus? (The crazier, the better - let's see if we can come up with things that won't actually be touted in a few weeks.)
  10. Nope. " Jones and InfoWars managed to burn through six separate defense attorneys throughout his legal defense and is now on his seventh, Brad Reeves."
  11. Oh, were they actually trying to say "Detroit Lions"?
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