BlueCloud2k2

All a bunch of pikers! At first everybody is like "Make it real, man! Make me it feel, man!"
 
Then you make it real and make them feel and then it's like "How dare you decapitate my goofer! Out! And take the scalps with you!" Sheeesh!
 
BlueCloud2k2 likes to listen to the lamentation of the women of dead enemies!
 
Then: Who doesn't?
 
But you shouldn't record them and offer them to the families of the deceased on the Homeshopping Channel!
 
That is sick! Profitable - but sick! I guess ... (Why didn't I come up with that idea?)

Following an encounter with a Bard, we were interrogating him and he refused to talk. Finally I threatened him with a fate worse than death.
 
"If you don't talk, I start singing," I deadpanned.
 
"You wouldn't dare! You're tone-deaf and sing like cat's fighting!" he shrieked (DM hates it when I sing cuz I'm a deep Bass and most the music I like is High-Baritone and Tenor range).
 
Me: "Fine, if that's the way you want to play it... 'I feel pretty, oh so pretty! I feel pretty, and nifty, and bright! And I pity, any girl who is not me..."
 
My Wife: "Fa-la-la-LAlala!"
 
Bard: "No! I'll talk, just please stop that horrible noise!"
 
Our DM got smacked in the head with my hat after the game.

Emo-Kid Barbie.

When discussing a former co-worker with my boss.
 
Me: "When he doesn't bother to call or show up for a week, it means he quit. If he doesn't understand that then he's a moron. Even if he is your nephew."
 
Boss Laughs. "I know he is but you should be nice!"
 
Me: "He doesn't work here anymore, so I don't have to."
 
Boss laughs even harder.
 
I should point out that any boss who laughs her butt off and agrees when you call her nephew a moron is a good person to work for. Especially when you are me.

I found a picture of Cancer and "Madame Balvatsky" in a compromising situation.
 
Excuse me while I go bleach my brain and cauterize my retinas.

I don't remember much of the 80's save the really bad fashion.
 
Of course, those were my developmental years... (born December of 83, baby!)
 
And I will be 30 in less than a month and a half

This one is from a dnd game that took place a while ago, as in back in 2nd edition AD&D. I am reminded of the incident whenever I see my signature. Now that signatures are visible again, I am reminded every time I post. So here we go
 
The setup: We were in the DMs homebrew setting. Bear in mind that said DM did not understand the concept of foreshadowing. Whenever he mentioned an evil menace, we'd end up facing said menace in no less than 2 gaming sessions (depending upon the length of the dungeon crawl.
 
We had just rolled into town, taking note of large scorch marks across the country-side. As we had a wizard in the party with a staff of fireballs, we thought nothing of it as the DM liked to describe the scorchmarks left by said staff.
 
The townpeople told us they were besieged by the Dragon Dethpyr (DM lacked in creative naming - the town was named Hamletown). They told us Dethpyr laired in the Shadow Stone Mountains, and begged us to save them.
 
So after spending an entire session with the Cleric wanting to heal every person in town who was injured and the thief wanting to loot what was left of the treasury, we set out.
 
In the Black Forest we encountered a band of trolls that were fleeing the dragon. We killed the trolls and took their stuff, but the shaman said "May Dethpyr take your souls." That was the end of session one. After that we reached the mountains and had to deal with a city of stonegiants that was in the midst of a civil war. We saved the city, and the king gave us a sword of dragon slaying. That was session two. So far, no dragon.
 
Session three: we climbed Death Peak. Fought some gargoyles and other random encounters. Had many warnings about a dragon. No dragon.
 
Sessions four through six: Dungeon Crawl in what is supposed to be Dethpyr's lair. Lots of references by his minions about a dragon. But did we find a dragon? No.
 
Session seven: made our way to the bottom level of the dungeon after a quartet of iron golems and a swarm of rust monsters. Found the dragon's hoard in a small crater overlooking a cliff and a pool of magma. There were some guardians but no dragon. The thief is messing with a treasure chest, the cleric is healing the wizard while he uses detect magic to figure out what loot is magical so we can prioritize it. The ranger looks at my character, the paladin and gets a wide-eyed look on his face (same character kept pranking my paladin by saying the dragon was behind me) and points screaming "Dragon!"
 
My Paladin: "What dragon? I'm sick of hearing about the dragon! When I see the dragon, I'm gonna kick his @$$!"
 
Dethpyr: "Oooh, lunch!" Crunch!
 
The dragon ate my paladin and had a magma chaser. Needless to say I did not survive.

Hrm. Guess I did misspell it. Oops

When discussing a former co-worker with my boss.
 
Me: "When he doesn't bother to call or show up for a week, it means he quit. If he doesn't understand that then he's a moron. Even if he is your nephew."
 
Boss Laughs. "I know he is but you should be nice!"
 
Me: "He doesn't work here anymore, so I don't have to."
 
Boss laughs even harder.
 
I should point out that any boss who laughs her butt off and agrees when you call her nephew a moron is a good person to work for. Especially when you are me.

This one is from a dnd game that took place a while ago, as in back in 2nd edition AD&D. I am reminded of the incident whenever I see my signature. Now that signatures are visible again, I am reminded every time I post. So here we go
 
The setup: We were in the DMs homebrew setting. Bear in mind that said DM did not understand the concept of foreshadowing. Whenever he mentioned an evil menace, we'd end up facing said menace in no less than 2 gaming sessions (depending upon the length of the dungeon crawl.
 
We had just rolled into town, taking note of large scorch marks across the country-side. As we had a wizard in the party with a staff of fireballs, we thought nothing of it as the DM liked to describe the scorchmarks left by said staff.
 
The townpeople told us they were besieged by the Dragon Dethpyr (DM lacked in creative naming - the town was named Hamletown). They told us Dethpyr laired in the Shadow Stone Mountains, and begged us to save them.
 
So after spending an entire session with the Cleric wanting to heal every person in town who was injured and the thief wanting to loot what was left of the treasury, we set out.
 
In the Black Forest we encountered a band of trolls that were fleeing the dragon. We killed the trolls and took their stuff, but the shaman said "May Dethpyr take your souls." That was the end of session one. After that we reached the mountains and had to deal with a city of stonegiants that was in the midst of a civil war. We saved the city, and the king gave us a sword of dragon slaying. That was session two. So far, no dragon.
 
Session three: we climbed Death Peak. Fought some gargoyles and other random encounters. Had many warnings about a dragon. No dragon.
 
Sessions four through six: Dungeon Crawl in what is supposed to be Dethpyr's lair. Lots of references by his minions about a dragon. But did we find a dragon? No.
 
Session seven: made our way to the bottom level of the dungeon after a quartet of iron golems and a swarm of rust monsters. Found the dragon's hoard in a small crater overlooking a cliff and a pool of magma. There were some guardians but no dragon. The thief is messing with a treasure chest, the cleric is healing the wizard while he uses detect magic to figure out what loot is magical so we can prioritize it. The ranger looks at my character, the paladin and gets a wide-eyed look on his face (same character kept pranking my paladin by saying the dragon was behind me) and points screaming "Dragon!"
 
My Paladin: "What dragon? I'm sick of hearing about the dragon! When I see the dragon, I'm gonna kick his @$$!"
 
Dethpyr: "Oooh, lunch!" Crunch!
 
The dragon ate my paladin and had a magma chaser. Needless to say I did not survive.

My one and only experience with Jaeger ended up with me blacked out 15 minutes later and waking up with my head in the toilet the next morning.