Klytus

Q: Name something Publix would hate to see in the hands of the homeless. A: A 500 hour subscription to Playboy.net

Q: "Klytus?" asked Rachel twirling her bat, "why do you have your face pressed against my chest..?" A: I don't care - I'm still going to do it!

The quotes were crawling out of the woodwork in last Saturday's D&D game. First, the party rogue (Ashe) gets turned to stone by a beholder. This prompts a few jokes about Ashe being "scared stiff". When the party realizes no one has Stone to Flesh, the wizard (Jehan) quipped "Did you ever get that not-so-flesh feeling...?" Later, the party wizard (Jehan) gets hit with a spell that ties him up in flaming chains. The party dwarf (Serilde) offers. "I'll help ya, mage. I spit on ya!" Still later, Ashe (now feeling much better) flanked an enemy monk and, from behind, delivered a sneak-attack with a Bastard Sword of the Sun. Somebody remarked. "Wow! I guess the sun really does shine there after all!" Which drew the remark, "Cruel, but funny." Which is what drew the follow-up remark. "Butt funny, indeed!" And finally, in that same fight, Ashe declares he is using a spring attack. The party cleric (Des) asked (out of character) "What's a spring attack?" So Ashes player starts to explain, "Well, I start here, and then I...." at which point, the sorceress' (Hanna) player interrupted and said "... wait until the Spring!"

Q: What do Eskimo Boy Scouts send the newbies to find insted of left-handed smoke shifters? A: Chewy on the outsdie, crunchy on the inside.

Q: Dude, why is that awful smell making you hungry? A: I'm sorry, but the lime jumpsuit is just inappropriate.

Q: They're actually selling rocket-powered roller-skates at K-Mart? A: A few more commas and I'm in.

Q: Why are you not worried about victory? A: A one ton magnet

Q: Who just mauled Brent? (PvP reference for those scratching their heads ) A: A long little doggie

Q: What do you want me to do? A: Its more than long enough - even for you

Q: When supporters of the Iraq war march, what do their signs say? A: She lost the fight with an ugly-stick.

Q: What new gaming company publishes the d20 versions of Diablo and Warcraft? A: Betty Paige in a pair of frumpy old pajamas

Q: How much will those nude photos of Kara and Rachel cost me? A: Mars, Zeus, and an atomic wedgie.

Q: Tell me about this new menace, the Ever-Shadow? A: Big... small... I'm the girl with the cleavage!

Q: What is that in the air after the Candy Man has just gone on a rampage? A: She had legs all the way to the floor

Q: What told Enforcer84 about the double bill of Led Zepplin and The Dixie Chicks A: The First Church of the Cult of Santa

Q: Why did the dyslexic's attempted bank robbery fail? A: A pocket full of adventure

Q: I just saw Rachel on a rampage... what happened here? A: I see. What started it? Q: Knowman, that's who.

Q: What half-assed lyric forever torpedoed Robin's future as a song writer? A: Dick Cheney, in the West Wing, with a claymore.

Q: How about we use a barrel for going over the falls? A: I'm just about sick and tired of monkeys, waterfalls, and barrels.

(People think I'm cute? Who knew....? Q: What second movie in the double feature made all the parents willing to sit through the first one? A: Don't ask.

Q: Oh no! It's Rachel! And death tribble just made a sexist remark...! Are we doomed? A: It exceeds the legal limits of cute in several jurisdictions

Q: What objects of opportunity will almost guarantee that you never run out of ranged throwing weapons again? A: Don't panic, I brought the spoon.

Q: Who's the jerk on the pogo stick? And why does it stink in here? A: 33,000 Kobolds

Q: Did you se that new action flick where the main hero makes Arnie and Jackie Chan look tame? A: Ok, ok, so it can get worse...

Q: What features are most noticable on the dream girl of Twinkie the Kid? A: The Blessed Cloak of Obscurity of Doom.