mikeward2534

Unfortunately I was overruled. We agreed to give it to the Dragon and owe the favour. Neither the Dragon nor my Teamates asked about the base I attached it to.

When the Dragon failed and the Idol Corrupted it the team was maneuvered into killing the Dragon and securing the idol we reluctantly agreed.

When I casually asked the GM if the Base was still attached he said we would have to find out ourselves.

Shrugging, my character checked his time piece (asking the GM the game time). Smiling at him I handed him my notes with another Player's noted date and time.

Within 5 minutes it detonated. The exasperated look I got from the GM was satisfying, but the head banging on the table was disturbing.

The shadowrunners were an ork/troll group. Against stereotype, they specialized in stealth, subtlety, bluff, illusion, deception and misdirection.
 
Dent: ork, rat shaman
No-Step: ork, snake shaman, healer
Byte Force: ork, decker, chemist
Eye Spy: ork, rigger, drones, paramedic
Audacity Jane: ork, combat, stealth, security systems
Jonathan Bridges / Happy Jack: troll, combat, disguise, negotiator
Topal (NPC): a raven shaman, and the team's temporary employer
 
Bottled Demon (my least favorite module of all time)
This module was previously described by Drhoz (here).
 
The team had been hired to protect Topal at a meeting taking place at Black's Junk Yard.
 
The team prepared the meeting site by seeding it with radio-activated noisemakers. If necessary, they could distract threats by creating simulated gunfire in nearly any part of the junkyard. Dent and Jane stayed behind (hidden) to keep an eye on the place. Eye Spy also parked two of her drones (lighter-than-air drones in station-keeping mode) over the junkyard. Then the rest of the team headed back to town.
 
Topal met them promptly at 3am ... driving up in his runabout.
 
Eye Spy: "That's his idea of a 'suitable' vehicle for a trip into the Barrens? Jack, I think you outweigh his car. You definitely have more armor."
Happy Jack: (to Topal) "Unless your car is bulletproof, you're riding with us."
Topal: "But..."
Happy Jack: "And if you're not sure whether your runabout is bulletproof, we'll be happy to test that right now."
 
Topal decided he would ride in the team's van, instead of having his runabout turned into swiss cheese.
 
Eye Spy's van had photoelectric paint, so the color/design could be quickly changed to a wide variety of preprogrammed schemes. Eye Spy always tried to use paint schemes that would be left alone.
 
Eye Spy: (accelerating) "We've got a dozen go-gangers chasing us."
Byte Force: (to Eye Spy) "What paint scheme are you using?"
Eye Spy: "HAZMAT !! What kind of idiot goes after HazMat?"
Byte Force: "So we're being attacked by illiterate go-gangers..."
Happy Jack: (with his grenade launcher at the rear gunport) "Stupid ... soon to be blind and stupid."
Jack airburst a flash grenade in front of the go-gangers, then followed it up with a thermal smoke grenade. To add insult to injury, No-Step commanded his city spirit to use its Accident power on the go-gangers.
 
Surprisingly, three of the go-gangers were lucky enough to be able to avoid crashing and continue the pursuit. Eye Spy, not to be outdone, triggered the van's thermal smoke generator and lubricant sprayer, then threw the van into a 90 degree bootlegger skid.
go-gangers: [WHAM, WHAM, WHAM] (into the armored side of the van)
Eye Spy: "You boys aren't the only ones who know how to cause an accident."
No-Step: "We know that you can cause accidents. You do that with your normal driving."
 
Eye Spy hid the van a few blocks from the junkyard. She and Byte Force stayed in the van, while Topal led Jack and No-Step to a secret tunnel leading under the fence.
 
Happy Jack: (stopping Topal from going through the tunnel first) "You don't go first. One bodyguard goes first. One bodyguard goes last. You stay in the middle."
Topal: "Who goes first and who goes last?"
Happy Jack: "If things are going well, you follow me. If shooting starts, you follow him." (pointing at No-Step)
 
The tunnel was almost too small for Happy Jack (and Topal) to fit through.
 
Happy Jack: (to No-Step) "New plan. If things go sideways, we choose another exit."
No-Step: "Any preference?"
Happy Jack: "This place is surrounded by a fence. If I'm in a hurry, I'll make an exit."
 
The meeting with the elves was to take place in a large clear space in the middle of the junkyard.
 
Elf #1: (speaking loud enough to be heard) "Are you ready, Raven-man? I am here for the trade."
Topal: (quietly and clearly frightened) "This is wrong. All wrong. Take this." (trying to hand the briefcase to Jack)
Happy Jack: (interposing himself between Topal and the elf) "What is 'all wrong'?"
Topal: "Stay here with the briefcase. I'll go talk to him."
Happy Jack: (placing his massive hand on Topal's chest) "No. You tell me what is wrong. You stay here. I go talk to the elf."
Topal: "He's not the one I made the deal with."
Elf #1: (suspiciously) "What's going on over there, Raven-man?"
Happy Jack: (to Elf #1) "You're not the one my client here made the deal with."
Elf #1: "You deal with me, Raven-man. I have the oath price. Where is your part of the bargain?"
Happy Jack: (to Topal) "Do you actually care who you close the deal with? I'm flexible if you are."
 
[rant]This is one of my big problems with this module. Topal hired bodyguards. His bodyguards for the evening cost far more than his personal vehicle. And when things looked like they were about to go really wrong, Topal wanted to walk into the killzone alone ... and he wanted his bodyguards to stay back where it was safer.[/rant]
 
And this was the point when everything went sideways.
 
Eye Spy: (over the radio link) "It's a setup. Lone Star is here. Go, go, go!"
 
Everything went sideways ... for everyone ... especially the GM.
 
According to the module, the PCs and the elves are both supposed to assume that the other betrayed them, and a three-way fight is supposed to break out between PCs, elves and Lone Star ... with plenty of opportunities for Topal to take a stray shot and die.
 
Things going sideways (for all parties):
Byte Force triggered the noisemakers around Lone Star, and the ones behind the elves.
Everybody was surprised. The elves were surprised by the arrival of Lone Star. The PCs and elves were surprised that Lone Star managed to sneak some light helicopters overhead without being heard in advance. The helicopters were surprised to discover that some stealth drones were parked even higher overhead. And Lone Star and the elves were suprised to find themselves outflanked. (Mostly outflanked by noisemakers, but that was still pretty surprising.)
Everyone assumed that they were in a trap.
Jack reacted to the warning by grabbing Topal to his chest, shielding him from the elves ... and any other stray shots.
Jane reacted to the warning by shooting Elf #2 and Elf #3 (the mages) with narcojet rounds.
Elf #1 fired a SMG burst into Jack's armored back, but it was too small of a caliber to leave much impression. Elf #2's Power Bolt left even less of an impression on Jack's back.
Further fire from the elves was prevented when Eye Spy's drone dropped a flash grenade and a thermal smoke grenade between the elves and Topal/Jack/No-Step.
Everyone dove for cover ... mostly to avoid being attacked by noisemakers or unseen opponents.
Lone Star and the elves started returning fire ... mostly at the noisemakers.
With everyone distracted by the chaos, the team ignored the other combatants, headed for the quietest corner of the junkyard and slipped out.
And finally ... despite having avoided all overt threats, Topal slipped into a delerium as the team drove away.
 
No-Step knocked himself out (literally) trying to heal/cure whatever was wrong with Topal. Since he was unsuccessful, it was up to Eye Spy, the team paramedic, to try to save his life.
 
Eye Spy: "Other than basic life support, I don't know what to try. I don't know what's wrong with him."
Byte Force: "Does he have any medical conditions that could be causing this?"
Eye Spy: "How am I supposed to know that?"
Byte Force: "You're not. Dent, does he have any medical conditions that could be causing this?"
Dent: "I'm not a healer. How am I supposed to know that?"
Byte Force: "You're a mind reader. Remember?"
Dent cast Mind Probe on Topal.
Dent: "There's some kind of idol in the briefcase. Topal thinks it's killing him. That's why he was trying to get rid of it ... by selling it." (long pause) "WOW !! It's a really powerful focus."
Audacity Jane: "Sounds more like a trap to me."
Dent: "I wonder if it's possible to uncurse it?"
Eye Spy: "It's more likely that you'd end up like Topal."
Dent: "But it's a really powerful focus."
Audacity Jane: (skeptically) "Really? How powerful?"
Dent: "I don't know."
Happy Jack: "Did Topal use it? If so, how much did it amplify his magick?"
Dent: "He tried a simple conjuration ... which failed ... so he doesn't know exactly how powerful it is."
Audacity Jane: (rolling her eyes) "Is there anyone here who can explain the concept of 'It's a trap' better than I can?"
 
In the meantime Topal was fading fast.
 
Happy Jack: "Does he have a DocWagon account? KrashKart account? Any other kind of insurance?"
Dent: "No."
Happy Jack: "Any friends who would be willing to pay for his medical care?"
 
Topal had a friend named Caw Caw, another raven shaman.
 
Happy Jack: "I'll call Caw Caw using Topal's phone. If he's willing to answer the phone at 4:30 a.m., we'll know they're good friends."
 
Caw Caw insisted that the team bring Topal to him, so Caw Caw (and his friends) could save Topal. By the time the team got there, Eye Spy was basically performing CPR on a lifeless body.
 
Byte Force: "It's going to be hard to collect the second half of our pay from Topal."
Dent: "Nope. Super-easy. I went through his pockets for loose change."

Yes. It's amazing what a game turns into when you have a great GM and a team of great roleplayers.
 
Definitely a flexible GM. He didn't even blink when the ubersaur got two-shotted.
 
----------------------
 
The shadowrunners were an ork/troll group. Against stereotype, they specialized in stealth, subtlety, bluff, illusion, deception and misdirection.   Dent: ork, rat shaman No-Step: ork, snake shaman, healer Byte Force: ork, decker, chemist Eye Spy: ork, rigger, drones, paramedic Audacity Jane: ork, combat, stealth, security systems Jonathan Bridges / Happy Jack: troll, combat, disguise, negotiator Topal (NPC): a raven shaman, and the team's temporary employer   Bottled Demon (my least favorite module of all time) This module was previously described by Drhoz (here).   While out maintaining ties with fixers and potential employers, Jonathan was approached by an obese, unhealthy looking man with a metal briefcase handcuffed to his wrist.   Topal: "Thank the stars! We must talk at once! You can't know what I've had to do to find you!" Jonathan Bridges: "Most people call a fixer, then pay some money. The fixer puts them in touch with me." The Penguin: "Let us retire to a restaurant and enjoy our midday repast. Time is of the essence, and there's business to discuss." Jonathan Bridges: "Your offer of lunch is appreciated, but if this is time-critical, we can skip lunch and discuss business first."   They sat down in the restaurant to discuss business, while Topal crunched jawbreakrs non-stop...   Topal: "I require the services of several bodyguards to accompany me to a business meeting tomorrow morning. I have sought you out because of your reputation." Jonathan Bridges: "It must be an unusual bodyguard job, if you were directed to us." Topal: "The location must, of course, remain a secret, but I can tell you it will take no more than three hours of your time, start to finish." Jonathan Bridges: "We specialize in secrecy. That's probably why you were referred to us."   The two negotiated a price for the services, with half paid immediately, and the other half paid upon completion.   Topal: "I knew I could count on you. Meet me here at 3am. Don't be late. Bring your own transportation. I will be travelling in a separate vehicle." Jonathan Bridges: "If you have a suitable vehicle, we'll just put one or two guards with you. The rest will be in my team's vehicle. If your vehicle isn't suitable, you'll ride with them." Topal: "Yes. Yes. My vehicle is perfectly suitable." Topal stood up to leave. Jonathan Bridges: "Aren't you forgetting something?" Topal: "What's that? I paid you half up front already." Jonathan Bridges: "What's the location of the meeting? My team needs to check it out in advance." Topal: "Its. A. Secret." Jonathan handed the credsticks back to Topal. Topal: "What's this?" Jonathan Bridges: "I'm returning your advance. We're refusing the job. My team isn't going to allow you to get killed by walking into an ambush. If you want to get killed that way, hire someone less competent." Topal: "I can't have you scaring off the people I'm meeting with." Jonathan Bridges: "Several members of the team specialize in being unseen. Furthermore, anyone who works in the shadows expects that sort of precaution."   Topal argued, but Jonathan absolutely refused to budge on the issue. Eventually, Topal caved.   Topal: (clearly unhappy) "The meeting is at Black's Junk Yard, in the Puyallup Barrens." Eye Spy: (eavesdropping over Jack's radio link) "Tough neighborhood. We'll have to dress 'appropriately'."   The team spent the evening scouting the junkyard, which turned out to be a security nightmare (even with Eye Spy's drones providing overwatch).   Audacity Jane: "Too many ways in. Too many places to hide. No clear lines of sight. If I wanted to pick off a heavily guarded target, I'd tell him to meet me here." Byte Force: "So how would you guard him?" Audacity Jane: "Anyone want to volunteer to be a body double for Topal?" No-Step: "That probably won't work. Topal is awakened; probably a shaman. His business probably involves magick. They may not be able to see through a Physical Mask spell, but if they have the ability to assence the astral, they have a good chance of recognizing the spell." Happy Jack: "And Topal is a really difficult client. He'll probably refuse to have a body double." (long pause, followed by an evil grin) "I have an idea, but it will only work if they have someone assence him." No-Step: "You're going to use a physical disguise?" Happy Jack: "Nope." (pause) "Dent and No-Step, I need a professional opinion. If we were after a target, and you spotted him, but then realized that there was a Mask spell on him, what would you tell us?" Dent: "It's a trick; a distraction. That's not the real target." No-Step: "Yes" (pause, dawning realization) "Damn you ... you're ..." Audacity Jane: (interrupting) "You're a sick man, Jack. You want to use Topal as his own body double." Happy Jack: "If you really want to lie to someone, tell them the truth in a completely unconvincing manner. They'll be sure they've caught you in a lie ... and they'll believe anything except the truth."   Bodyguarding a difficult client in the middle of an ambush. What could possibly go wrong...?

Me: Your neighbours asked me if I was here for Dungeons and Dragons when I got here.
Weldun: Ha! They love the fact we're gamers. They used to have party animals.
Titus' player: And now they have nice quiet nerds.
Weldun: Nice quiet nerds – plotting murder and arson, but at least we're not ravers

Shadowrun 2050: Paradise Lost Continued
 
Inkubus: We came to Hawaii for a holiday, discovered we're shit at them, so now we have a job.

Having theorised that Molokai Microtonics (2M) staged an attack on their own premises to steal the plans for a biofeedback filter they'd just perfected, we head off to retrieve the valuables. Despite the fact that 2M's head of security is a dragon, and probably came up with the scheme to kill his fellow employees, steal the prototrypes and plans, and apparently implicate the terrorist organisation ALOHA in the first place. We must be insane – this visit to Hawaii was supposed to be a holiday.

Inkubus: Back to Basics, baby.

Labrat: I'm in my hotel room with a hula-orc.
Greenlight: Trying to get the maximum number of spins.

Warhammer: I've been at the firing range. But it was already on fire.
Inkubus: Wait, back up, what kind of firing range is already on fire? Please tell me you weren't lobbing grenades into the volcano.
Warhammer: OK. It wasn't grenades.

But first let's go hit those terrorists that got framed for the attack. Apparently they were sent some of the files we need to retrieve, and attacking them will satisfy the actual conspirators and frighten off ALOHA. At least, that was our working hypothesis. We will be disillusioned soon enough.

Titus: Al Queda, ALOHA, Alamos 20K – all terrorist organisations are secretly run by Weird Al Yankovic.

Mary Falls has arranged a tilt-wing and pilot for us.

Inkubus: Great, you can be extraction if we screw up.
Warhammer: When do we ever screw up?
Felix: Well, we did hand over that possessed amulet and had to deal with a possessed dragon.
Greenlight: Hey, we warned them.
Titus: That was us dodging a bullet.
Felix: And we did do major structural damage to a historical building.
Inkubus: What? Wait, that Bavarian castle?
Felix: And the Munchkin Riots made the international news.
Inkubus: That was a micronation, that doesn't count.

Inkubus: I'm supposed to be on vacation. I expect to spend at least half my time with my dick sheathed in something.
Titus: Bags not it.
Warhammer: I've got a pot of jelly...

Pilot: Think of the money, chummer, think of the money.
Titus OoC: Distinctive Style: External Monologuing

Greenlight: You're the magical troll, Titus – we rub your belly for luck.

We rappel in and our pilot flies off to disguise the tilt-wing as a crashed WWII plane. The ALOHA base has an assortment magical alarms and wards. Happily, a competent team of adepts – or even a team of adepts like us – can sneak on in anyway. Greenlight tiptoes up to place explosives around their shamanic longhouse while Warhammer and Labrat overwatch. The Geese Shamans are meditating.

Inkubus: Put a parcel of explosive behind each one, like a little explosive bum-bag.
Greenlight OoC: We have gamed together too long, Tony – I was about to do that >

Greenlight: Let's blow this popsicle stand.
Inkubus: That's not fair – Hawaiian architecture really does look like it was made from popsicle sticks and matches.

(Weldun has some right to disparage Hawaiian architecture compared to his native Maori designs)

The explosion is quite gratifying.

Inkubus: Now it really DOES look like it was made from matchsticks.

Inkubus: They should have had some actual geese on guard. Them and ducks - total bastards.
Felix: They should be grateful to Peter Scott that there are any Hawaiian Geese to be shamans of.

Orc guards boil out of the base and get a nasty surprise.

Felix: As bits of longhouse and shaman rain down around them.
Inkubus: At least these guys just want Hawaii for Hawaiians – they're not COMPLETELY nuts.

Titus: I run up and bring the sledgehammer round right into the middle of his chest.
Inkubus: By which we mean the middle of his chest caves right in.
Warhammer: well, we have the musical accompaniment for this mission – Peter Gabriel.
Inkubus: sings SledgeHAMMER.

Felix: One of these days we're going to run into a group that has a sniper overwatching just for circumstances like this.
Inkubus: That's the way I'd do it. Or a bunch of Ares Sentinel P's with sniper rifles.

Inkubus magically glues the base's door open.

Inkubus: gestures with devil horns at the door
Titus: Why am I not surprised Metal Magic uses that finger position.
Inkubus: I'm trying to think of a good song for gluing stuff.
Felix: Stuck On You?
Warhammer: That's what I was thinking.
Inkubus: Nah, I need something Metal.
GM: Spice Girls?
Inkubus: Metal, not the Anti-metal!

The underground ALOHA base has a stage for live bands and a jumbo screen.

Inkubus: You see? See? This is what we need for the apartment!
Greenlight: Not a stripper pole?
Inkubus: Well, if it was MY apartment sure, but this is OUR apartment.
Felix: StripperBowl?
Warhammer: The single most-watched TV show in American history.
Inkubus: Hey, Titus, can you carry the Jumbotron out to the tilt-wing?

Felix casts Catalogue on each room as we go – we are here for a reason, after all.

Inkubus: Catalogue – How To Search A Room In Three Seconds.

There's a roomful of jamming musicians who haven't even noticed the explosion yet.

Inkubus: …. it's beautiful.... Stunball.

Titus: Warhammer can treat you for that Drain before you cast Catalogue again.
Felix: Sure. Pass me that damp cloth.
Greenlight: More like 'Slap you a few times and tell you to Stop That'
Felix: I don't know what half this stuff is! What's a Fuchi Cyber-6?
Inkubus: Expensive! Yoink!
Greenlight: Thanks for your contribution to the Orphans and Cheerios Fund.

We hit the kitchens next, where the staff are making dinner and can't even see our ninja girl as she ghosts through the room.

Greenlight: Right – Titus wants two pears, Warhammer wants a nutbar. Any other orders?
Inkubus: How about you?
Felix: Dunno – a sandwich would be nice.
Greenlight: I'll see what I can do.
Inkubus: What does it say about this group that in the middle of a run we stop for a snack?

The off-duty guards, who REALLY should have noticed all the commotion on the surface, fall easily. Some don't even wake up.

Felix: I know it works in our favour, but does anybody else get annoyed at how unprofessional our opponents are?

The next room has a woman typing away at her computer, and a white cat.

Felix: Well, there's the evil mastermind.
Labrat: Aims his gun at the woman. Hi there. Get away from the computer and move over there.
Cat: hisses and spits lightning bolts at Labrat
Felix: F**K! I TOLD you it was the mastermind!
Greenlight: And you were right!
Inkubus: It's a pokemon! Smash it!
Titus: sledgehammer
Greenlight: You really know how to pound that pussy.
Titus: I should have held it up to the sprinklers. Electric-type pokemon and water don't mix.

Woman: My cat! Do you have any idea how much that cost?
Inkubus: Stunbolt.
Warhammer: IOU One Magical Cat...
Inkubus: No we don't! People should be responsible for their own pets.

Her desktop includes the files and specs we're after.

Labrat: I drain it. And then drain it again.

Unfortunately the moment Labrat tries anything else the ALOHA decker notices something is going on, and every alarm in the place goes off. Coming up the ramp from below are more guards. Not really a threat. Although the ramp does puzzle us. Perhaps they'll be tracked drones soon? We're in for a rude shock soon - it's not drones.

Felix: They should have had a silent alarm
Greenlight: They need it loud – to wake up all the sleeping security.

Titus: We could have snuck in under an Air Spirit.
Inkubus: The Watcher Spirits would have reported it.
Felix: Well, they probably did try to report – to those dead shamans.
Inkubus: Hey! Hey listen! You want to know annoying watcher Spirits can be? Try Navi.

Titus: Hey, guards, you have a choice – Stun patches or stun batons. No need to be total arseholes here.
Guards: F**k, it's them!
Greenlight: You have five seconds to decide.

But with Inkubus' Concealment spell up we can Riverdance through the complex, or play the Metal cover of Mission Impossible. Which will make for interesting security footage later. Or slip interesting things into people's pants.

Greenlight: Reverse pickpocketing grenades.

But our confidence takes a major hit when we run into the Load-bearing Boss – 2M's Head of Security. A fully grown Feathered Serpent. Well, at least we know the connection between 2M and ALOHA now.

Felix: Can we go now?
Inkubus: We could....
Labrat: Do we really want to try and run away from a dragon, in an aircraft with no weapons?
Inkubus: Sigh... good point.

Dragon: You walk into my house. You steal my stuff. You KILLED MY ACCOUNTANT'S CAT.
Inkubus: It started it.

Felix: We're fucked. Either he kills us, or we kill him and we're still fucked.
Inkubus: Nah – straight up fight – the other dragons are OK with that sort of thing.

The hissing of fury becomes gurgling when Inkubus hits it with a maximised Orgasm.

GM: This is probably the first time you've seen a dracoform penis in the flesh.
Inkubus: Well, now I know why Hestaby doesn't return my calls.

Titus, however, manages to swing his own giant hammer, and Greenlight her own big expendable rod, so efficiently that the dragon manages to knock ITSELF out absorbing the damage (one of the quirks of the system).

Titus OoC: You rolled so well you knocked yourself out! Suck on that, you bastard!

And then we just pile on to make sure he never gets up again. And Inkubus harvests the body for reagents.

GM: I hate you all.

Felix' Catalogue spell produces a list so long he have to flick through multiple mental pages.

GM: There's sets of Simsense goggles
Titus: Simpsons Goggles?
Inkubus: The goggles! They do nothing!

It also lists the entire contents of the dragon's hoard, the most valuable items of which are a small case of unique bootleg recordings, which we would never have even noticed without Felix' Catalogue spell, and Inkubus to recognise them for their true insanely high value.

Felix: We buy a Hawaiian island. Possibly this one.

And now we can retire. After one last job – helping Greenlight hunt down her remaining family, and killing the Soft-eyed Man.

Felix: We're supposed to be on vacation, and we JUST KILLED A DRAGON.
Inkubus: Is anybody hurt?
Titus: Bubbles has a slight headache from all that casting.
Inkubus: F**k, killing dragons really is a holiday for us.

But we have a not-so-happy homecoming to Seattle. All our homes have been bombed out by an unmarked chopper. And all our friends and contacts are missing.

Inkubus: This is insane. We live in a high security area. Lone Star can't afford to ignore this. RENRAKU knows we'll escalate. I want a five tonne fuel-air bomb and a delivery order for Renraku arcology.
Felix: Actually... maybe it was the Soft-eyed Man
Inkubus: Hmm. Good point. First Gen flesh drone – probably has driven the original loopy.

Titus: I want to point out that I'm angry for the first time in years.

We get a phone call from a Renraku exec.

Inkubus: You'd better have something for me or I'm dropping an eight-tonne FAE on that fucking eyesore you're building.
Renraku Exec: One of our agents appears to have gone rogue. We apologise for any inconvenience. We would like to hire you to deal with him.
Felix: laughs hysterically
Greenlight: I demand the assistance of the Red Samurai.
Inkubus: Why, they're only good for soaking up bullets.. oh, OK.

And thus our final adventure will be a full-scale assault on Renraku Arcology, and getting paid to do something we would have done for free.
 

Quotes from Owlcon #4
 
Savage Worlds - Fallout Metroplex
Presidential Detail
 
Normally I tolerate the GM's backstory. Other times I suffer through it. On very rare occasions, I enjoy hearing about it.
 
This is the first time the backstory has been funny enough to share.
 
When the nuclear war began, the Chinese launched three nuclear warheads at the Dallas region:
A 20 megaton nuke at Dallas to destroy the city and its inhabitants.
A neutron bomb at Fort Worth to kill the population and the cattle.
A bunker-buster at the super-conducting super-collider in Waco.
 
That was what they intended to fire. There was a mix-up with the serial numbers on the nuclear warheads, so they ended up launching:
An EMP burst at Dallas, which knocked out the technology, but left the population intact.
A bunker-buster at Fort Worth, which shook up the cows a little bit, but had no other effect.
A neutron bomb at Waco, which killed the population, but left the super-collider intact.
 
The President of the tri-state region is going to visit Dallas tomorrow. The Texas Rangers will be out in force to protect him, and the President has complete confidence in them. But the Texas Rangers have started hearing unsubstantiated rumors that someone is going to assassinate the president ... because that's what you do to presidents in Dallas.
 
The Texas Rangers can't investigate, because an official investigation would lend credibility to the rumors. But they can hire someone unofficial to investigate the rumors ... because unofficial people are just crackpots with weird theories.
 
The cast of characters:
J: the bloodthirsty heavy weapons expert; carries a full-automatic
Jimmy: the overweight, balding techie; relies heavily on "liquid courage"
Hector: the spy; a cross between "the most interesting man in the world" and "the truth is out there"
Rodger: the brawn; believes robots are trying to take over everything
 
Jimmy decides to ingratiate himself with one of the local techies ... by repairing a broken logic board for him.
 
techie: "That's great! I can sell this now! Is there anything I can do to help you?"
Jimmy: "Yes. Actually there is something you can help me with."
techie: (dejected) "Oh."
 
Little Tokyo seems to be the haven for the weirdos in town. It caters to the tech crowd ... but not the big, bulky, beautiful, chrome-and-steel American tech. This is small, sleek, weird, "Japanese" tech. It also has a lunch counter specializing in "foreign" food.
 
Just down the counter, five people crowd around a small "Japanese" tech box. J and Rodger are able to overhear part of their conversation.
 
Little Tokyo Patron #1: "... and next we kill the president ..."
Rodger bursts into action, tackling Little Tokyo Patron #1. J turns on his Pipboy's audio recorder, then pulls his automatic and covers the four friends. As everyone stares at those two, Hector slides over the counter to "get away from the violence". Staying out of sight, he reaches over the counter, slips the box out of Patron #2's hands and replaces it with a menu.
Rodger: (ready to pummel Patron #1) "How are you going to kill the President?"
Little Tokyo Patron #1: "I put the nuclear bomb in the briefcase."
Hector glances at the box and sees a the "Kill the President" computer game. The game is at the point where the nuclear bomb can be put in the briefcase.
Hector: (to himself as he tucks the tech box into his coat) "Well, it sounded like a confession to me."
As J starts shooting Patron #1's four friends, Hector grabs his binto box and strolls out of Little Tokyo.
 
The people in the tech area of Little Tokyo seem completely unconcerned with the violence occurring at the lunch counter. Jimmy is over there, making friends with Kenny, a teenaged techie who is showing him the energy cell charger that he built.
 
Jimmy: "Be careful. That will blow your face off."
Kenny: "I know. That's how I got thrown out of my last apartment."
 
Later, the team takes a walk (through wide open places) in order to talk privately.
 
J: "We did it. We stopped the assassins. We killed four of them."
Rodger: "And the fifth is in jail."
Hector: "Did you find the nuclear bomb?"
J and Rodger: "No."
Hector: "Then we're not done yet. There also may be a second group of assassins."
Rodger: "What makes you think there's a second group?"
Hector: (shows them the tech box) "It looks like those five may have been playing a game."
Rodger: "Are you saying that we killed a bunch of innocent people?"
Hector: "That's certainly possible."
J: "We got a confession. I recorded it."
Hector: "Yes, which is why I'm not worried about it."
Jimmy: (freaking out) "The one in jail, he's going to tell the Rangers that it was just a game."
Hector: "He's going to have a hard time proving it without this box."
 
It appears that The Church of 565 Kilocycles doesn't like the President. Someone in City Hall doesn't like him either.
 
The Church of 565 Kilocycles keep their radios tuned to 565 kHz. Acolytes perpetually meditate while listening for the voice of God through the static.
 
Hector: (to Jimmy) "Could you build a transmitter that broadcasts on 565 kilocycles?"
Jimmy: "Yes. Why?"
Hector: "I want to send them a 'message from God.' Tell them to go out into the wasteland and wait for the sign. That should narrow down the number of people we need to watch tomorrow."
Jimmy: "I'll need to visit the church to figure out how to do it convincingly. Do you want to come with me?"
Hector: "No. I want to snoop around City Hall before it closes."
Jimmy: (looking over at Rodger and J, and cringing slightly) "Um ... ah ... I'll take Rodger with me."
Hector: (completely undisturbed) "Perfect. I'll take J with me."
 
As Jimmy subtly pumps the Priest on how God reveals himself through the static, Rodger begins to have a dawning realization.
 
Rodger: (interrupting) "Wait, are you telling me that God is a robot?"
Priest of 565 kHz: (rolling his eyes to the heavens) "Fine. If that's what it takes to reach you. Yes. Sure. God is a robot."
Rodger is stunned by this revelation. As the Priest and Jimmy continue their conversation, he looks at the bible at the front of the church. On the cover it says, "The New Revised Lolcat Bible." Inside he finds a reference to the robot Roomba.
Rodger: "I knew it! God is a robot."
Thanks to the helpful priest, Jimmy learns enough (maybe) to fabricate a convincing transmission.
Rodger: (to Jimmy, after they leave the church) "If God's a robot, then me and him aren't on the same side."
 
Meanwhile, on the way to City Hall...
 
Hector: (to J) "I need you to wait inside the lobby. While you're standing there, I need you to try to peer in the back and glare, then check your Pipboy, then peer in the back and glare. Keep that up until I send a message to your Pipboy, or until they close City Hall."
J: "Why do you want me to do that?"
Hector: "If there is an assassin in City Hall, they're going to be worried about you. I'm going to slip into the back and see who reacts to their presence."
 
With J aggressively stationed in the lobby, Hector slips into the back and takes a seat at an unoccupied terminal.
 
Hector: (typing in the City Hall chat room) "Isn't the guy in the lobby the one who killed the assassins? What is he doing here?"
 
Following the clues, it appears that the mayor is involved in the assassination plot. It also appears that he's tied in with The Church of 565 Kilocycles. Fortunately, the ruse to get the Church out of town appears to be working. Most pack up and leave Dallas around midnight. The few remaining appear to be having a crisis of faith.
 
Hector: "I think the church members are patsies. I can't be the only person who figured out how easy it would be to manipulate them."
 
But there may be more of the plot to uncover. And how much should the Texas Rangers be told?
 
Hector: "... and we should tell them that The Church of 565 Kilocycles may be involved, but we've tricked most of them into leaving town."
Jimmy: "Do you really want to tell them that? One of the Texas Rangers may be tied in with the assassins."
Hector: "True, but there's not much they can do about that. What are they going to do? Broadcast that the previous voice of God was lying?"
 
There appears to be a sniper's nest in the library. Rodger will hide near the sniper's nest, ready to attack the sniper (or patsy) when he shows up. J will wait in the park across the street to watch for other gunmen.
 
GM: (to J) You can keep a watch for gunmen from there (gives a knowing look at J), because you know what a crazed gunman looks like.
 
There's also a Texas Ranger standing in the park near J.
 
GM: (to J) Do you want to point out the library window to the Ranger? Every bullet going in the window is a good thing.
Rodger: Not for me!

Quotes from Owlcon #3
 
D&D 5th Edition
Blagarm's Basement
 
150 years ago a clan of dwarves sailed to the continent of Avenrock. 120 years ago, one of the dwarves returned, carrying a dagger capable of cutting through anything. 50 years ago, humans established the colony of Rioc Alair on Avenrock. Today, the adventurers have been hired to travel to Avenrock and find out what happened to the lost clan of dwarves.
 
The trail may be a little cold.
 
Cast of characters:
Brelk: dwarven paladin, a noble
Mari: dwarven fighter
Alek: human wizard
Mikara: wood elf ranger, surprisingly crude and uncultured
Gallidan: wood elf monk
Lisara: half elf bard
Alverten: halfling rogue
Hemrick (NPC): dwarven merchant
 
Of course, the adventure starts in a tavern.
 
Lisara: (picking up her lute) "I play better when I'm drunk."
Alek: "You think you play better when you're drunk. There's a difference. It may be subtle. It may be lost on you, but there is a difference."
 
A group of dwarven merchants at the bar is having a loud debate ... which is easily overheard.
 
dwarven merchant: "We need to find someone capable enough or foolhardy enough to undertake this task."
Alek: (a couple minutes later, to Hemrick, the youngest of the dwarven merchants) "What kind of capabilities do you seek?"
Hemrick: "What?"
Alek: "You're looking for someone capable enough or foolhardy enough to undertake a task. Hopefully we fit the former description more than the latter."
Hemrick: "Just a minute." (he walks back over to his companions at the bar) "Some of you need to learn how to lower your voices."
 
As Hemrick is talking, Mikara stretches, clearly displaying her bushy underarms.
 
GM: Hemrick is starting to get a little turned on by that.
Mikara: Not the reaction I was going for.
 
Mari: (to Hemrick) "Why didn't you send anyone to look for them before now?"
Hemrick: "We've been sending parties of adventurers for the last 40 years. We haven't heard back from any of them."
Allverten: "At least your expectations will be at the right level."
 
As the party's ship arrives at Avenrock, the first visible landmark is the 500' tall lighthouse adjacent to Rioc Alair.
 
Gallidan: "I need to see what I can perceive about the lighthouse."
Lisara: "Someone was compensating for something."
 
Brelk was impressed by the honesty of the first gate guard he met.
 
Brelk: "I never thought I'd meet a human who wouldn't take a bribe. I find it rather refreshing."
Alek: "You may not have. Perhaps you met one who wouldn't take a bribe that small."
 
Discussing ale kegs...
 
Allverten: "I'm surprised dwarves would use kegs like that. Wood is rather impermanent."
Brelk: "We use special wood. It's made of stone."
 
Mikara "borrowed" a dinghy from the port, in order to scout the coastline.
 
GM: As you took the dingy, nobody gave you a second look.
Mikara: They don't know it's not mine.
GM: You're an elf. They can guess.
Mikara: (grumpily) I'm being racially profiled.
 
Lisara woke up to discover a thief breaking into her room, so she cast Charm Person on him.
 
Lisara: And this is why I always sleep in the nude.
GM: The spell lasts one hour.
Lisara: That gives me plenty of time to ask all of my questions and leave him tied up.
GM: As soon as you try to tie him up, the spell will end.
Lisara: Not the way I do it.
 
The trail eventually (and unsurprisingly) led to Blagarm's basement, where the climactic battle occurred.
 
Brelk was struck by a couple crossbow bolts.
 
Lisara: "I see you know how to be penetrated."
 
Mikara took aim at the assassin with her longbow, even though Gallidan and Mari were directly on the other side.
 
Alek: "If you shoot from there, you'll be using the dwarf and monk as a backstop."
Brelk: "That's what I'm there for."
Alek: "It's the other dwarf."
Brelk: "I know. I'm volunteering her."
 
 
Needing no additional context:
 
Brelk: "Being noble is the ultimate skill for opening doors. Being a paladin is the ultimate power for establishing credibility."
 
GM: I regularly GM for 11 people aged 9 to 37. This can't possibly get as chaotic.
Lisara: So, what you're telling us is that we're not trying hard enough.

Quotes from Owlcon #1
 
Serenity RPG
 
Miranda is going to be recolonized, but first the wreckage of the Alliance and Reaver fleets needs to be removed from the space lanes. Hundreds of independent salvagers have shown up for a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to salvage these wrecks. It's the space equivalent of a wild west land grab.
 
What could possibly go wrong?
 
 
Best without explanation:
 
GM: You tend not to find much intelligence in a library.
 
GM: Just so you know, the name of our regular game group is The TPK Roleplayers.
 
Cast of characters:
Oddo: captain
Carina: first mate
Marcelyn: pilot
Raakel: mechanic
Bertram: hacker
Wayfarer: the PCs' ship
 
The Wayfarer arrives at the staging area a day before the "salvage grab" is scheduled to begin.
 
Space station flight control: "Newly arrived vessel, please state your ship's name."
Marcelyn: "Wayfarer."
Space station flight control: "Please verify that your crew has no communicable diseases."
Marcelyn: "Uh ... verified."
Bertram: (muttering) "Not unless you count the computer viruses and worms I intend to distribute to the other crews."
 
Oddo: "Remember loose lips, something, something."
Marcelyn: "What's that about tacos?"
 
In order to make salvage operations fair, all of the independent salvagers will start the same distance from the cloud and cannot head toward the cloud until the designated moment. While waiting, we see one ship in the distance try to sneak in early ... and get promptly blown to bits by a missile from an Alliance cruiser.
 
Bertram: "I guess we're not getting much salvage off that."
Marcelyn: "Somebody on the cruiser didn't get their coffee this morning."
 
The crew locates the Drake, a Seraphim class cruiser, apparently in remarkably good condition and showing no signs of having been turned into a reaver vessel.
 
GM: The air is breathable, but smells of methane.
Bertram: "Don't light 'em up unless you really want to light 'em up."
 
Oddo and Marcelyn board the Drake (through the airlock) and proceed to engineering. Carina and Betram proceed to the Drake's bridge. Marcelyn remains on the bridge of the Wayfarer.
 
And then Marcelyn hears footsteps outside the bridge, in the direction of the airlock.
 
Marcelyn: (over the commlinks) "Did any of you come back to the ship?"
everyone else: "No." "Negative." "Nope." "No."
Marcelyn: "Shiiiiiit."
 
The Drake isn't a reaver vessel. It's a reaver habitat....
 
Bertram: "They're reavers. They're not right in the head."
 
Things look desperate, until Raakel manages to open the Drake's hold ... rapidly depressurising the ship. Of course, since the Wayfarer is connected to the Drake by an airlock (which has been reopened by the reavers), the Wayfarer is also rapidly depressurizing.
 
The boarding party is wearing pressure suits, and all of them are near chairs which they manage to buckle themselves into. Marcelyn on the other hand, has moved away from her pilot's seat ... and she isn't wearing a pressure suit. She barely manages to grab a handhold at the corner leading to the Wayfarer's airlock, but it seems unlikely that she can hold on for long.
 
So Bertram hacks into the Wayfarer's controls and shuts the airlock.
 
Marcelyn: (cursing in Chinese) "Who thought that was a brilliant idea?"
Bertram: (over the comm) "Well, you still have air to cuss, so it seems to have worked out just fine."
 
As the atmosphere blasts out of the Drake's hold...
 
GM: Is anyone doing anything else?
Bertram: (waves goodbye to the reavers)
Oddo: "And that's why I told everyone to stay in their pressure suits."
 
GM: (to Raakel) It's going to be difficult for you to reach the controls to close the hold without getting sucked out yourself.
Bertram: "If you wait until there's no air left in the ship, it becomes much easier."
 
Carina: "Technically the air is being blown out of the ship, not sucked out of the ship."
Bertram: (suggestively) "Suck ... blow ... it's all the same to me."
 
The ship finishes depressurizing...
 
Raakel: "I can repressurize the Drake now."
Bertram: "Feel free to give it five minutes ... just in case any of the reavers managed to strap themselves in."
 
Bertram: (to the GM) Does the pew pew still work?
GM: Yes. Do you know how to use heavy weapons?
Bertram: I'm thinking that a warning shot would be sufficient for most problems.
 
Marcelyn moves over from the Wayfarer's helm to the Drake's helm.
 
Marcelyn: (excitedly, looking at all the Drake's switches, monitors and controls) "This is awesome! I don't know what any of them do!"
 
In addition to its own firepower, the Seraphim carries six one-man fighters.
 
Oddo: "I think we're going to need a bigger crew."
 
For a number of reasons (particularly to conceal the fact that they had acquired an extremely valuable prize) the crew decides to grab a second, far less valuable, piece of salvage.
 
Bertram: "The next ship we grab, let's empty the atmo first."

Food Fight - The classic intro Shadowrun module.

GM: Seattle. 2070. The Night is Cold. The Rain is wet. And you are HUNGRY.
Ryleigh: I'd be surprised if rain wasn't wet.
Dr. Rubicante: Back in my day, the rain was wetter.
Backup GM: In the manasphere it has been documented to rain fish.
GM: It's the Great Equaliser. It'll stop a troll the size of a car just as easily as the smallest dwarf or thinnest elf. It ain't a weapon, spell, or even a dragon. It's Hunger. When it's time to eat, you just gotta get the stuffers in your stomach before you go berserk. What are stuffers? they used to be called Junk Food or Munchies. They're probably about as good for you as nutrisoy and krill-filler, regardless of the ads from the UCAS nutrition council.
Ripper K: I'm hungry. Wanna go get some protein bars?
GM: When the Pangs hit, there's only one place to go (especially when the sun rises in about an hour) to find that kind of chow. It's the place everyone loves to hate: Stuffer Shack.
Ryleigh: Let's raid the shack.
Dr. Rubicante: Back in my day, 'Stuffer Shack' was the title of porn. It was one of those cross-genre horror/smut pieces.
Anders "Hogfather" Lee: Still is Grandad, get with the times
Dr. Rubicante: I got with the times once. It was awful.
Ryleigh: They'd done porn in a Stuffer Shack
Ripper K: *looks smug* I know

Ripper K heads straight to the energy bars - 150% protein with added caffeine and red food food colouring.

Ripper K: Anybody want some Soya-Bulk? It's on special. Hey, banana flavour!

An elf-woman and her kid come in, a car explodes in the car park, the cashier gets knocked out, and four gangers come in and order everybody onto the floor.

Dr. Rubicante: You spilled my soykaf. Prepare to die, obviously.
Anders "Hogfather" Lee: You should all back the f**k off right now, you're not getting between me and my pie!

Ripper K points at the largest of the raiders

Ripper K: Hey! Hey, you! You allergic to nuts?
Ganger: Yes, what's it to you, blubberhead?
Ripper K: Hope you've got your Epipen. *kicks the ganger's nuts into his throat*

The GM (and temp GM while the GM had a guy thrown at his car at Subway) are still learning how to use roll20 for Shadowrun.

Ripper K's player: It's a learning experience for all of us. Especially for the ganger, who has just learned 'Wear a cup'

Another ganger screams, and unloads his shotgun at Ripper.

Ganger 2: What the f**k ARE you?! DIE!
Ripper K: What am I? Pissed off, chummer. Or should that be 'Chum'? *showing all those pointy pointy orca teeth*
Ganger 2: *starts backing off* Holy shit! I signed up to knock over a stuffer shack, not fight monsters! Frag this!
GM: He f**kin' Books it. There's a little something called Professional Rating. It's the WHAT THE F**K EVERYTHING IS GOING WRONG RUN AWAAAAY Stat.

We interrogate the remaining gangers. They claim they were paid to intimidate the elf. Blowing up her car was the chosen method.

Anders "Hogfather" Lee: Ngong Kau, idiot. Explosives on this kind of run? More likely to blow your idiot asses up.

Dr. Rubicante sighs softly, producing a scalpel from his medkit.

Dr. Rubicante: Do you know how much a Mortimer of London Berwick Suit costs? Soykaf stains are so hard to get off... I may need to sell some organs to help pay for it. Unless of course... you have some information interesting enough to keep me from cutting off that pretty little tongue?

But they really don't have much more to share. They don't know who or why they were hired. The elf doesn't want to explain either, at least while her kid is within earshot. Ripper volunteers to keep him distracted.

GM: The kid jumps up on you and gives you a hug, going wooow at your big muscles ans the fact that you look like big willy from the movies
Dr. Rubicante: Free Willy 7
Backup GM : big willy, hurr hurr
GM: (The KIDS MOVIE, not the Porno!)
Anders "Hogfather" Lee: Free Willy 11" more like it....
GM: Anyway - who's going with the mom?
Ripper K: LOL. wow, the accidental innuendo is strong today

Anders "Hogfather" Lee: Cute kid. So whats the situation here? You on the run, abusive husband, dealt with a dragon?

Apparently the kid's dad is an exec at one of the AA corps, and she was being paid a small remittance to never bother him again. She has no idea why the money has been replaced with explosives.

Ripper K is giving the kid piggyback rides around the store.

GM: Before you can plow deeper into this dilemma, however, You hear sirens in the distance. Knight Errant patrol this area, and they're on their way. Unless you want to have a nice chat with a nice officer who wants to know your SIN, I suggest you hightail it out of there, chummers.
Anders "Hogfather" Lee: Look, lady, do you and the kids want a lift home or something? I don't know what else we can do, I'll talk to the others...But uh, for obvious reasons we needs to make like a tree and fuck off

Dr. Rubicante OoC: I still don't know how to cast magic. XD Can I have some practice casts? Like, OOC targetting dummies. XD
Anders "Hogfather" Lee: Just use the ganger Ripper stuffed in the fridge.
Dr. Rubicante: Let's take the gangers with us! 8D Make them dump all their equipment in your trunk first. If they really just want to scare the lady, they've done their job and they're gonna get paid- but if they were paid to kill a woman and her child, well, sympathy is a privilege they do not have.
Anders "Hogfather" Lee: Fair enough, besides, they owe you for that free medical treatment
Dr. Rubicante: These medkits don't refill themselves, after all!

Black Crusade : The Sundered World

The alternate Black Crusade campaign, where the PCs are surrounded by enemies and have far less agency than devotees of Chaos have when they're at large in the Screaming Vortex.

On the other hand, the perpetually rainy Imperial world of Sinophia is so financially and spiritually bankrupt that it's a miracle it hasn't fallen to Chaos already. It's degenerated so far that the Imperium hasn't bothered to raise a Guard regiment in three centuries, and even the Planetary Defence Forces have been judged unfit for purpose, and it's only a matter of time before Holy Terra orders the execution of the Governor for gross incompetence, installs a military dictatorship, and then raises the taxes to pay for the bullets. Of course, the planetary nobility are so far in denial that can see the Pyramids. Until then they can while away the time in mutual loathing of the criminal underclass.

Anyway, the characters - an assemblage of villainy that warmed my cold cold heart.
 

Lord-Captain Robin Daniels: A minor Rogue Trader with a very peculiar name. "Robin because its what he likes to do and Daniels because its what he likes to drink!" A name and a joke so old it predates the Imperium and nobody knows why it's supposed to be funny anymore. He's an alcoholic too, spending every available coin on more booze while his ship is stuck in orbit undergoing vital repairs, and the Sinophian authorities try to milk him of every cent he has. Such crew as he brought down with him are little more than another armed gang now. As the plater puts it, 'Stumbling out into the ever-present rain, a bottle in hand and unsure legs to carry him he seeks yet another night of adventure and delight to while away the time, the hope of something to break the tedium and throw him free of this forsaken planet.'

Digna FeM8xr97MR: "You comment on my hair. I blame the Genetor who failed to notice the faulty recessive melanotropin receptor in my paternal gamete." A heretek from the Lathe Worlds, and no mere tech-priest at that. She was a member of the Prefecture Magisterium, the Diagnostic Covens that are the tech-priest equivalent of the Imperial Inquisition and law enforcement. And as far as they know she still is. She's certainly been interrogating every suspected heretek on Sinophia she can catch up with. There's enough of them - the Adeptus Mechanicus are just one of the Adepta that use Sinophia as a dumping ground.

Digna's realization of the hypocrisy of the Adeptus Mechanicus preaching the "Knowledge is Holy" in one breath, only to decry certain knowledge as profane and blasphemous, was her first step into darkness. The Dark Gods simply offer yet another path on which to acquire knowledge, including knowledge that the Mechanicus wilfully keeps itself ignorant of. She has been careful to hide the clues of her true allegiance from her masters within the Prefecture Magisterium, but knows that all it will take is some diligent archivist uncovering the faint clues within the records of her interrogations or, worse, reconstructing the original recordings of her more "blasphemous" ones.

But she has made the acquaintance of a certain Heretek with an affinity for the squishier sciences (and reported him as 'requires further surveillance').

Dr.Eniek, aka The Surgeon, The Consultant, The Chirugeon, AC7^2 : Gender: probably male. Build: Of adjustable height and width. Favourite Sleeping position: Curled into a ball while tethered to the ceiling. Favourite thing to collect: used optical implants. Current Occupation: Chirugeon to the Upper-class; on days off, runs a high turnover homeless shelter/street clinic. The surgeon's goals are noble, his methods are not - he has long ago shed his morality in the face of pure logic. Morals merely delay or undo the necessary work. To whit: implanting alien organs and DNA into humans to improve the species. Hence his presence on Sinophia, where the Logician Cult were doing that to the PDF a few years back. When they got found out, the entire garrison went into berserk cannibalistic frenzy, and most of the local garrison of Adeptus Arbites went up in a mushroom cloud.

Digna has an offsider too.

Vlad-9: A skitarii tribune assigned to assist her in her investigations, actually assigned to surveil her. Given that he's a heretic too, somebody at the Lathes must have REALLY screwed up when they set the assignments. Presumably, somewhere, two loyal servants of Mars got sent to the Vapourisation Vats. Vlad's mutation is what the players refer to as 'Godzilla breath'.

Vlad: When it happen I just started throwing up lighting
Digna OoC: Which was a bitch to repair since he had his helmet on at the time.


Skerrit: A Sinophian street urchin and tarot reader, once the servant of a Sinophian noble who used him to spy on his rivals. Poor but pious, Skerrit was lucky. Too lucky. Rumours started that he was a witch, and since even the suspicion that his master was harbouring a psyker could be disastrous, his lordship staged a prominent execution - using him as bait for the North End Monster. What actually happened is that Skerrit found himself the slave of the lord's underworld colleague, and his life infinitely worse. Only after Skerrit admitted that the God-Emperor of Man did not care what happened even to the most desperate of his followers did he escape - and his precognitive powers blossomed to their full strength. His other mutation is a long hairless tail, which at least matches the rat-like plague mask he wears.

Archimedes: Another rogue psyker - this time a telepath. His wife was killed in a skirmish between the criminal conspiracy that held him, and one of the equally corrupt private armies of the nobility who wanted him for themselves. He surrounds himself with beautiful women, knowing that they are much more expendable than his wife ever was. On top of his mind-bending abilities, Archimedes enjoys a profitable sideline in addictive substances.

All these heretics have been having headaches, and migraines, and increasing nightmarish visions of a figure wreathed in black flame.

Ominous Vision: BENEATH THE SIGN OF THE SUNDERED WORLD. FIND THE HERSILIAD CODEX. THE KEEPER DIES. FIND THE CODEX, AND THROUGH IT FIND POWER. FIND KNOWLEDGE. FIND REVENGE.

This, quite likely, is Cassius, moving mortals into place as he prepares for his return. No doubt he will trouble their dreams with other psychic sendings whenever the players need more plot hooks, or are being especially obtuse.

Lord-Captain Daniels OOC: I could just imagine Cassius in the warp, big hulking deamon prince, very powerful.....with a tiny headset going 'This is the deamon helpline, how can I help you?'

Like all Black Crusade characters, the PCs are already completely beyond the pale.

GM: You've gone right through insanity and out the other side.

As it happens, one of the players is running a Dark Heresy game set on the same planet - so he knows the module I'll be cribbing from.

GM: So I trust you'll keep your player knowledge and character knowledge separate?
Eniek's player: .......*looks away* ...yes
All: Laughter ensues.
Eniek's player: I put all my points into knowledge skills and implants - if I do get player knowledge mixed up with character knowledge, that'll be my excuse.

Either way, they figure out what the Sundered World reference is - it's one of the major arcana of the Emperor's Tarot, and there's an establishment called the Turning Hand that once catered to off-world visitors, back when Sinophia still got them, and that is decorated with hanging brass versions of each card. Skerrit occasionally does readings for the handful of customers it still gets.

GM: Yes, you're meeting in a tavern.
Vlad-9's player: But a SPACE tavern.
Digna's player: At least it's not a cantina so there is no jizz being poured in our ears.

GM: The Hand is nearly empty, apart from a few customers, servitors, an offworlder at the table under the Sundered World card, and a mysterious hooded stranger in one corner impatiently waiting for another group of PCs.

The offworlder is Lord-Captain Daniels, who has been amusing himself by drinking the bar dry, building a model hive city from them, and playing a tune on them with the butt of his bolt pistol - while his other pistol, under the table, is trained on the tech-priests approaching him. Digna's activities have been causing some comment around the city, especially among the few that recognise her Collegia Extremis insignia.

NPC: Hey Joe you have some knowledge skill, what's that symbol mean.....oh....Joe's run off

GM: Actually, none of them seemed to recognise you, per se. They were more alarmed by your friend walking in with the rifle. Not that Master Thall had many customers tonight. Or this century, really.

A conversation (in Binary Cant) between the two AdMech.

Digna: My interrogation methods include my Medicae Mechadendrite. As you learned when I interrogated you, Subject Eniek-AC7^2
Eniek: *shrug* I gave you pointers.
Digna: Why are you here?
Eniek: I received a message from a legitimate source.
Digna: The kind of source that gets more illegitimate the more I torture you?
Eniek: Please don't, I only just got my kidney back in the right place

Digna's circling Pict-skull reports the approach of the other PCs and the bar's amiably absent-minded Master Thall.

Digna OoC: Picture-in-picture view, gotta love it

Master Thall: We don't get many of your lot in here, Reverends. What can I get you?
Digna: Chairs. Ensure they are well reinforced.
Eniek: And a high-chair for this one. *gesturing at the rat-masked Skerrit*
Digna's player: Sorry, dude - five minutes in-
GM: And we're already shitting on THIS character too.

Lord-Captain Daniels OoC: Nobody returns a book late to a space marine Librarian
Hypothetical librarian: Please wait while I perform a personal augury to see if you will be returning it *30 minutes rolls by*

Archimedes introducing themselves causes some confusion from the captain's player.

Archimedes: I am Archimedes. I sit.
Lord-Captain Daniels OoC: Did you just say in-character 'I Sit'?
Digna's Player: Are you the kind of person who narrates his own life? 'I go!' 'I come back!'

Regarding that mysterious psychic message, which the hereteks received as unsourced messages from inside their own cortical implants.

GM: They even came with animated GIFs.
Digna: I hate scrap code. How did that even get in there, that's an output-only port!
Vlad-9: That's what she said

Skerrit: I check the bottles.
Lord-Captain Daniels: They're empty, I saw to that earlier

Since discussing heresy out in the open is probably a bad idea, they retire to one of the private rooms.

GM: Discuss among yourselves
All: *Silence*
GM: Well this is a group of heretics - such paranoia is entirely apt.

Eventually someone admits they got the vision about the book (Skerrit had already figured this out with an augury while doing a tarot reading for Vlad) and everybody relaxes slightly.

Digna: For such a message to appear in my cortex suggests the source to be the Warp.
GM: Maybe its a really small xenos.

After discussion, the locals suggest a number of Sinophian nobility and one eccentric loan shark as bibliophiles. Perhaps one of them is this 'keeper' of the Hersiliad Codex? Hersilia itself, Digna knows, was a planet discovered during the Angevin Crusade, that had the entire human population exterminated, was renamed and resettled, and expunged from the record. That's all she knows - poking around in the Black Datastacks after something the authorities wanted expunged wouldn't have looked good. They decide to target the loan shark first - kidnapping and interrogating some of his staff about any especially mysterious books.

Digna: The streetrat can tail someone
Skerrit: They can't even see that, its in my pants
All: *laughter*

Eniek: What's the book keepers name?
GM: Sigmun Barnfarter
All: *silence followed by laughter*
GM: BarnfahRER

GM: It's said he's quite approachable - if you need money.

Digna: Soylent Pink is heretical.
GM: Pink is not a grimdark-enough colour

Archimedes uses his telepathic powers silently and is in heavy concentration - the pirate doesn't know.

Lord-Captain Daniels: He looks constipated, I hope he's OK

A maid gets interrogated.

Maid: Please lord I have 2 children!
Digna: What age?
Maid: 11 and 7
Digna: Good, old enough to fend for themselves

This does at least terrify her enough to ensure she spills everything she knows, which isn't much. But in return for tactical info she gets a free lung-scrubbing, some precancerous tumours removed, cosmetic surgery and the suggestion she find a new boss. Right now.

Lord-Captain Daniels OoC: Come for the interrogation, stay for the boob job.

On the nature of human life :

Digna: A complex mixture of compounds that happens to sustain an intellect.

Further interviews (and telepathic interrogation) with some of the Loanfather's leg-breakers and steward reveals that he isn't the Keeper - but one Regimius, recently deceased, probably is, and the Loanfather has arranged a team of thieves to go raid the place the next night. Regimius' heir is currently trying to restore the reputation of the Sinophian PDF, said some things regarding this that irritated the rest of the nobility, and his father's creditors have descended en mass as a result.

But rather than befriend this potential ally, the group decides to just wait until the team of thieves have the book, and mug them for it.

The rest of the group wait until they're already inside then move into the empty townhouse they'll be using as an exit. Skerrit follows the GM's advice and hides on the Regimius' roof, and nearly gets spotted as a result.

Digna's Player: He used to GM Call of Cthulhu
GM: He's got a point. Just because I suggest something, doesn't mean it's in any way a GOOD idea.

Carnage ensues. One of the thieves even gets entangled in Eniek's servo arm as it's retracting after decapitating and dismembering two others.

Eniek: Excuse me while I remove this femur from my armpit.

The Hersiliad Codex is indeed among the bagfuls of books. So is something else - a case resembling a data-slate, locked and leather-bound. It tickles Skerrit's psyniscience.

GM: Do you open it?
Skerrit OoC: You run Cthulhu games, I'm not opening the book!

The enforcers have been attracted by all the screaming. Eniek and Digna just bluff their way out, relying on the enforcer's reluctance to get involved in apparent Adeptus business, while the rest of the PCs leave across the rooftops.

Eniek OoC: And we'll leave the enforcers to clean up the mess.

 

The shadowrunners were an ork/troll group. Against stereotype, they specialized in stealth, subtlety, bluff, illusion, deception and misdirection.
 
Dent: ork, rat shaman
No-Step: ork, snake shaman, healer
Byte Force: ork, decker, chemist
Eye Spy: ork, rigger, drones, paramedic
Audacity Jane: ork, combat, stealth, security systems
Happy Jack: troll, combat, disguise, negotiator
Goldi (NPC): the local Director of Tourism ... and secretly the Baron's Chief of Intelligence
 
The Adventures of Baron Munchmaussen - A Trip to the Local Library
This was the same adventure previously described by Drhoz (here and here).
 
The team had been hired to steal a rare book from Baron Munchmaussen.
 
Discussing infiltration plans:
Byte Force's ability to spoof security cameras was critical to the plan. However, in order to do it effectively, he would need to coordinate with the team members infiltrating the castle.
 
Byte Force: "I don't think Jack can bluff his way through the tram's security. There are only two trolls in the castle, the Baron and one guard. Neither of them has come down to the village since we arrived."
Audacity Jane: "We really need Jack's headware up there, so we can have secure communication with you."
Dent: "How do you expect to sneak his lard butt around a castle?"
Audacity Jane: "That's easy. You're the one who uses magick. I intend to tell you to figure out a way."
 
Happy Jack: "Even if I'm sneaking into the castle using stealth, I would still like to disguise myself as the Baron, just in case I'm spotted inside."
No-Step: "I'm sure everyone in the castle knows the Baron well. Your disguise won't fool them for long."
Happy Jack: "It should make them hesitate for a few seconds ... and I've seen what Jane can do to someone in just a few seconds."
 
The plan was fairly simple:
Dent would make himself invisible, then ride to the castle on top of the cable car.
Once there, Dent would hide in one of the unused towers until night came.
No-Step would cover for Dent's absence by putting in several appearances as Dent during the afternoon.
Since Goldi was the only person capable of detecting Dent's invisibility or No-Step's illusion, Jack would divert her if it seemed likely that she would encounter either one.
After dark, Dent would secure a rope to the tower crenelation, then lower a rope down the cliff face below.
Using the rope and climbing gear, Jane and Jack would scale the cliff face and the castle wall.
Byte Force would use the security cameras in the castle and main keep to track the movements of the guards.
Byte Force would also selectively use video looping to prevent the cameras from seeing Dent, Jack and Jane.
The infiltration trio would use the grapple gun to scale the outside of the keep, then enter through the window of the library.
If someone was encountered, the infiltration team would use tasers, silenced SMGs, magick and melee to quietly deal with them.
The team would exfiltrate by using the rope down the side of the cliff.
The rope would be destroyed behind them, concealing the method of entry/egress.
If the castle became alerted to the presence of the infiltrators, No-Step and Eye Spy would use illusions and missile fire to distract the castle guards.
 
Happy Jack seemed to enjoy diverting Goldi.
 
Happy Jack: (approaching Goldi as she left her office) "Goldi! Could you help settle a bet I have with one of my friends."
Goldi: (cautiously) "Maybe."
Happy Jack: "Was the hamburger invented in Hamburg?"
Goldi: "No."
Happy Jack: "Are you sure?"
Goldi: "Yes."
Happy Jack: "DAMMIT ... um ... I mean, thanks for the information."
Goldi: "Is that all?"
Happy Jack: "Yes." (pause) "Hey! If you're leaving work, come have a beer or two with me."
Goldi: (turning slightly green) "Actually, I have an important call that I have to make right now."
Goldi quickly retreated back into her office.
 
Later that night, while Jack and Jane were waiting for Dent to lower the rope...
 
Happy Jack: (checking his watch) "It's time for me to convince Goldi we're not worth watching tonight."
Audacity Jane: "How do you plan to do that?"
Happy Jack dialed Goldi's number.
Goldi: "Hallo."
Happy Jack: (slurring his words slightly) "Hi Goldi. Do you know the waitress at the bierhall? The brunette with the two braids?"
Goldi: (sighing) "I know her. Why?"
Happy Jack: "Do you know if she has a fetish for trolls?"
Goldi: (icily) "Probably not."
Happy Jack: "Oh." (long pause) "My friend has a question. Does she have a fetish for orks?"
Goldi: [click]
Happy Jack: "Hello? Hello?"
Audacity Jane: "You have such a way with women."
Happy Jack: "It's a gift."
 
Things went according to plan until the team found the book in the library.
 
Audacity Jane: "This isn't the right book. It's a fake. It doesn't have the engraved cover."
Happy Jack: "He put the fake where thieves would expect to find it. The real one must be secured somewhere else."
Dent: "I know the fastest way to find the real one."
Happy Jack: "And that is...."
Dent: "The Baron's bedroom is just down the hall. I bet he knows where it is."
 
The Baron was a light sleeper ... until he was tasered, koshed and tranqued. He slept more soundly after that.
 
Dent: "The book is on his bedside table."
Audacity Jane: "That was easier to retrieve than I expected."
 
Dent's Mind Probe turned up some other interesting information.
 
Dent: "He didn't get a good look at us when we entered the room, but he thinks we're assassins sent to kill him."
Audacity Jane: "Then he'll be pleasantly surprised when he wakes up tomorrow morning."
 
Dent: "The maglock key around his neck is his secret escape route. There's a helicopter in a room upstairs. He can open the roof, raise a platform, and fly it out of here. We could use the helicopter to fly all the way back to Berlin!"
Audacity Jane: "Great plan ... except half of our team is still down in the valley ... including the pilot."
Happy Jack: "What kind of helicopter is it?"
Dent: "A high-end luxury one. Why?"
Happy Jack: "If it has a good enough autopilot, the helicopter can fly itself out of here. If it does that, everyone is going to assume that we, and the book, are on board."
 
No-Step and Eye Spy returned to Byte Force's room in order to facilitate secure communication between the two halves of the team.
 
Happy Jack: "Eye Spy, the Baron has a Hughes Airstar. If Byte Force gives you a route, can you you tell us how to program the autopilot to follow it?"
Eye Spy: "Of course."
Byte Force: "I don't have a route, though."
Happy Jack: "Find a route from the roof of the Keep to the middle of the Rhine-Ruhr toxic zone. I want the flight to buzz Graf Eisenstein's castle on the way there."
Byte Force: "Okay. Why?"
Happy Jack: "Munchmaussen has been shooting down Eisenstein's drones every week. Graf Eisenstein might want to return the favor with Munchmaussen's helicopter. I'm also fairly certain Munchmaussen won't be given permission to examine the wreckage."
Byte Force: "That's easy enough."
Happy Jack: "And have the route avoid passing over Munchmaussen valley. The Baron's SAM systems may be automated, and I don't want flaming wreckage to land on my head."
Byte Force: "I'll have it in one minute."
Happy Jack: "Eye Spy, we'll need the autopilot to be set on a timed delay. I want to be down in the valley before it goes tearing out of here."
Eye Spy: "Ooookay."
Happy Jack: "No-Step, I need you to cast and maintain an illusion covering the northwest side of the Keep's roof."
No-Step: "An illusion of what?"
Happy Jack: "An illusion of the roof. That's where the helicopter is going to be."
 
The Baron (presumably) woke the next morning to find the book missing, a metal briefcase in its place, the perpetrators gone, and his helicopter long gone.
 
Dent: "After what we did to him, he's going to wake up with the mother of all headaches."
Eye Spy: "Maybe the briefcase was full of Exedrin."

"NO NO NO. I speak Orcish natively, and what you have mistranslated as 'big prick' is actually a COMPLEMENT, not an insult."

Titania: I'm not crazy about fire. Things haven't gone well for us since you people invented it.
 
Lucius Alexander
 
The palindromedary notes that Troll are vulnerable to fire.

Faris: Hold on. Just wait a tic. Basically, everything that just had nothing to do with us had everything to do with us?
Melissa: Yeah, pretty much.
Faris: (low, out-of-character): So much for my high Perception score...
GM: What was that?
- pause -
Faris: (more enthusiastically) What a sly deception, and more!

I love that an ork street samurai goes by "The Hogfather". Just shows that people still read Pratchett in the 2070s.

Our Shadowrun GM is planning another occasional series, with mostly different players, to be set in the 2070 era. However, the PCs so far are such a pack of deviants it’s likely the game reports will be unprintable.
 
The GM does point out that our rather conspicuous appearance gives the team plausible deniability. Who’s going to believe a report that Santa, an anthro orca porn star, Disney’s Robin Hood, and a geriatric elf just broke in? Or that anybody would be insane enough to hire such a team?
 
Ripper K: Class III orca-form changeling, niche porn star (by the name of Dick Moby), and BDSM-powered Physical Adept. “A few hours being flogged on the X-frame? Great – just the thing to get me in the mood for headbutting trolls unconscious”
 
Ryleigh ‘Fox’: Another changeling, who as the novelty of Changelings wore off went from media darling, to b-grade tri-D flicks, to porn, to prostitution, just to make ends meet. Now working as a rigger.
 
Vell ‘ The Red Angel’ Rubicante: Mystic Adept. One of the first generation of elves in the Sixth Age. Runs a mobile black clinic.
 
Nelson ‘Hogfather’ Bodie: Ork street samurai. Took one look at his team and said ‘f**k it, I’m wearing a Santa Suit’.
 
 
Fox’s player: Do I get to keep the money that's left over or should I use it all up?
Ripper K’s player: Keep it, it could be useful in an emergency. i.e. ‘F**k, we pissed off a dragon, how much are plane tickets to Antarctica?’
 
Red still has trouble staying ahead of the bills, even though the white van housing his black clinic/operating theater is a fixture in the nastier parts of town.
 
Ripper K: "Free Cand^h^h^h Medical Help" spray painted on the side
The Red Angel: "30% Off!"
Fox: "get your penile enlargement today!"
Ripper K: "want illegal cyberwear implanted? See my very reasonable repayment plans!" "Frightened of catching Sentient Herpes? Get your STI Screening here!"
The Red Angel: "Did your boss find out you were banging his daughter AND his wife? Come on in and get a new face!" ‘Back Alley Bris! 20% off! I guarantee this isn’t a rip-off!’
 
Red Angel’s player: 'Welp, this guy died. On one hand, I don't get paid. On the other, free organs!’ I wonder if I go around harvesting organs from homeless people. ‘I’ve got food for you. Surprise, it was drugged.’
 
Ripper K: Discount kidneys – ‘Buy two, get one free’
Fox: If someone needs two kidneys, he's got issues
Ripper K: So, how much of a Bad Rep do YOU have?
The Red Angel: Uhm, I dunno. Does it even out with my terrific prices? XD ‘Get your blood by the litre!’
Ripper K: Or is all this rumour and the graffiti that gets sprayed on your van wherever you park?
The Red Angel: F**KING KIDS, STOP VANDALIZING MY ESTABLISHMENT
 
The Red Angel: I'M 61 YEARS OLD, YOU DON'T GET TO BE AN ELF AND LIVE THAT LONG BY BEING A GOOD PERSON
 
The Red Angel: Can you sign this contract stating that I get your bodies if any of you die?
Fox: No.
The Red Angel: And is it okay if I grab the organs from anyone we kill?
Fox: Keep in mind I have microscopic vision, I'll read that fine print
The Red Angel: It's gonna be in bold. No trickery here, I just need the organs. I mean, if you die, you won't be needing them!
Fox: I wanna be cremated XP
The Red Angel: My my, what a waste. What about you, big guy? It's for a good cause.
Ripper K:shrugs I'm not going to die, I'm immortal. Or is it delusional? One of those things
The Red Angel: Then you have nothing to worry about if you sign it. ^ ^
Ripper K: Patient dumped onto the operating table, bleeding out, liver on the floor "I just need you to sign this organ donor consent form.... thumb print will do. Let me help you..."
The Red Angel's player: Good lord I sound like an awful person. I'm 61 though, so I guess my fuckbasket is empty.
 
It’s not just surplus organs either.
 
Ripper K: Salvaged cyberwear - don't forget that
The Red Angel: Oh, yes, yes! Those will probably sell, right? XD
GM: .....
Ripper K: ‘Going Cheap - one Husqvarna Rippa chainsaw arm. Previous owner - a little old lady who only ever used it when she went to church on Sundays’
 
Red Angel’s player: I need to learn future slang! XD Oh wait, not really. Being old and stuff, I can insist on talking like it's still 2015 or something. Only 10s kids would get it.
Fox’s player: Born in 2011 and already talking slang in 2015, huh?
Red Angel’s player: Yes. Just like my neighbour's kids. 2011-2019 are his 90s. XD
Ripper K: Teeners
Red Angel’s player: And yes, he's a Teener! XD
GM: You were teased pretty harshly as a kid btw - long ears, legolas, tinkerbell, the list goes on
Red Angel’s player: Yes, and that's why I started cutting people - TO HELP THEM (It may have been because I've become a sociopath.)
Fox’s player: Now I have this image in my head of you stabbing someone, putting your hand on their mouth and going "Shhh... shh...."
Red Angel’s player: "Shhh... shh..." *Dark smile* "Think happy thoughts..." "Nice hair, Amy Lee!" *Young self adds name to his list and tries to think of ironic last words*"Your eyes are wrong. Let me fix that." XD
 
Red Angel’s player: XD Poor young Vell. Vell Rubicante isn't even his real name! He changed it to that later. XD His real name is Alvar Mørklöf, which is sufficiently Nordic, I believe. Alvar translates to "Elf", and Mørklöf is "Dark Leaf"!
Fox’s player: Now you need a habit of drinking wine out of human skulls
Red Angel’s player: XD That's a classy habit, I guess!
 
And I’m sure they’ll be a few skulls lying around the van after a busy night anyway.
 
Generic NPC: R-Red Angel
The Red Angel: You forgot 'The'. 'The Red Angel'. Everyone forgets 'the'.
Generic NPC: Y-you're The Red Angel!
The Red Angel: Oh there's no need to use my title! 'Your Highest Eminence' is also an acceptable moniker.
Generic NPC: Isn't that a little... egocentric?
The Red Angel: I will cut you.
Generic NPC: I-
The Red Angel: YOU WILL FEED MY EGO OR YOU WILL BLEED. EITHER WOULD MAKE ME HAPPY.
 
Red’s religious beliefs – what does he worship?
 
The Red Angel: Myself, I guess. What self respecting elf wouldn't worship themselves? Ooh, I worship Taco Tuesdays? ‘Oh mighty Tacoest of Tuesdays, please let my evening be completed with sour cream, cheese and flavoured meat, ahem *Crunch* I mean, I could just worship the Flying Spaghetti Monster to be ironic, but "MAY THE FLYING SPAGHETTI MONSTER SMITE YOU" doesn't sound very impressive.
 
The Red Angel also has a combat runestone. In the form of a bloodstone cockring.
 
The Red Angel: According to the GM, other mages will notice my astral signature on my willy. And I get to call them out on staring at my junk!
The Hogfather: And you can just tut and tell them "third eyes up here"

The shadowrunners were an ork/troll group. Against stereotype, they specialized in stealth, subtlety, bluff, illusion, deception and misdirection.
 
Dent: ork, rat shaman
No-Step: ork, snake shaman, healer
Byte Force: ork, decker, chemist
Eye Spy: ork, rigger, drones, paramedic
Audacity Jane: ork, combat, stealth, security systems
Happy Jack: troll, combat, disguise, negotiator
Goldi (NPC): the local Director of Tourism ... and secretly Baron Munchmaussen's Chief of Intelligence
 
The Adventures of Baron Munchmaussen - Learning the Lay of the Land
This was the same adventure previously described by Drhoz (here and here).
 
The team had been hired to steal a rare book from Baron Munchmaussen.
 
Upon arriving at the village, the train was met by the local Director of Tourism. She immediately started pumping the team for information. Happy Jack (expecting more use of the Analyze Truth spell) defused the questions in his normal manner ... he gave answers that were true, but contained no useful information.
 
Goldi: "What do you do for a living?"
Happy Jack: "I'm a negotiator. I ensure my clients get the best possible prices for their goods and services while paying the lowest possible prices to their suppliers."
Goldi: "I didn't realize that there were people who did that."
Happy Jack: "Of course there are. Do you know the hard part about hiring a negotiator?"
Goldi: "What?"
Happy Jack: "You have to negotiate his salary without the benefit of his expertise."
 
Jack also asked lots of questions.
 
Happy Jack: (seeing the castle for the first time) "The castle looks like a Disney castle."
Goldi: (drily) "I suppose it does."
Happy Jack: "Did the Baron build it to look like a Disney castle?"
 
Jack and Goldi chatted non-stop until she dropped them off at their hostel.
 
Byte Force: (quietly, before they entered the hostel) "You're being very friendly with the local [air quotes] tour guide. You even got her phone number."
Happy Jack: "I'm not being friendly. I'm being 'that guy.' The ignorant tourist who's completely in love with the sound of his own voice. By the time our trip is over, I want her to dread seeing me or hearing from me."
Dent: "Just act like you normally do. I feel that way about you already."
 
Byte Force rigged the camera in the hostel room so it showed a video loop of the team taking a nap. With that cover in place, the team unpacked the gear that Ms. Johnson sent. Obviously, they had some critiques.
 
Happy Jack: "For snowsuits we have a choice of dark blue, dark green and dark brown. Is she completely unfamiliar with the concept of camouflage?"
Byte Force: "Those colors blend in very well at night."
Audacity Jane: "Not against snow."
 
Eye Spy: "Six pairs of low-light goggles. Useless. Is there anyone here that can't already see in the dark?"
 
Byte Force: "There's no crypto-circuit or scrambling on the micro-transceivers. If we use these, we'll be broadcasting everything we say to the local security."
No-Step: "You're sure they're monitoring every radio channel?"
Byte Force: "They have spy cams in every room, so I'm going to assume they are."
 
Eye Spy: "No vehicles. No drones. Lovely. There's absolutely nothing for me to do on this mission."
Happy Jack: (handing Eye Spy the missile launcher) "You use heavy weapons. You're 'Plan C'."
Eye Spy: "Normally the weapons are mounted on vehicles."
Dent: "I can steal a car and a roll of duct tape."
 
The team's first stroll through the village was interrupted by an explosion overhead ... as a SAM fired from the castle blew up a drone.
 
Villager: (explaining the noise) "Every week, Graf Eisenstein sends a spy drone, and Graf Munchmaussen always shoots it down. Our Baron is paranoid about the skies."
Eye Spy: "And apparently they can both afford to blow up a few thousand nuyen each week, just to make a point."
 
Planning in a heavily monitored environment became its own challenge.
 
Audacity Jane: "When and how are we going to do our planning? We're going to be watched anyplace we go in town."
Byte Force: "We could use the snowshoes and go for a hike in the woods. I saw no evidence that the woods are monitored."
No-Step: (staring at Byte Force) "Did you actually suggest that we go outside and take a walk? In nature?"
Byte Force: "Yes ... but only out of desperation."
 
Securing communications posed an even bigger problem.
 
Happy Jack: "I keep telling you, I shouldn't be the only person with an internal commlink. If just one other person had one, we could have a secure line of communication."
Byte Force: "I should be able to wire a micro-transceiver to my cyberdeck. That will allow me to run it through an encryption program. That way the two of us can talk to each other securely."
Dent: "No-Step and I can use watcher spirits to send messages to each other."
No-Step: "We'll have to be careful about that. If a spirit shows up at the wrong time, we'll blow each other's cover."
 
Happy Jack: "We can pass some messages using code words."
Dent: "Aren't you the one who claims those are only used by amateurs?"
Happy Jack: "That's because they use code words that sound like code words. Real code words sound innocuous."
 
Happy Jack: "If we absolutely need to send a message in the open, Eye Spy, Byte Force, Jane and I can use these linguasofts. They may eventually figure out what we've said, but it will buy us some time."
Audacity Jane: "These linguasofts make us speak in code?"
Happy Jack: "No. They allow us to speak Tagalog ... and on this side of the world, that might as well be in code."
 
Happy Jack planned to seduce one of the ork servants working for the Baron, then drug her, allowing Dent to Mind Probe her for details about the castle. Dent remained skeptical of the plan.
 
Dent: "What makes you think you can seduce anyone? Last time I looked, you were really ugly."
No-Step: "You're forgetting something. Jack was also really ugly the first time you looked. He's very consistent that way."
Happy Jack: "I have two secret weapons. First, the Baron keeps detailed files on each of his employees. Not only do they tell me which servants are security risks, but they also describe their personal weaknesses."
Dent: "So you can find someone who's easy. Big deal. There's a difference between 'easy' and 'blind'."
Happy Jack: "And I also got some new bioware last month ... cultured tailored pheremones."
 
Dent's Mind Probe, combined with the castle's security camera footage, provided an excellent map of the castle's interior. Unfortunately, Goldi realized that Happy Jack had spent the night with a castle servant ... which made the Baron's spy very suspicious.
 
Happy Jack, noticing Goldi's interest in him, decided to defuse her interest in him.
 
Happy Jack: "Goldi! I'm on my way to the bierhall. Come have a drink with me!"
 
Goldi, being a skilled operative, joined Jack and dropped subtle hints that she might have information about the castle. Happy Jack chose to deflect her subtlety with complete and unmitigated obtuseness.
 
Goldi: "The castle isn't open to visitors, but I go there once a week to meet with some of the bureaucrats."
Happy Jack: "Is there a dragon in the castle?"
Goldi: "A dragon? Why would there be a dragon in the castle?"
Happy Jack: "Well, if the Baron lived in a castle -and- rode a dragon, that would make him the most AWESOME troll ever."
Goldi: "..."
Happy Jack: "Do they sell dragons around here?"
 
After the trip to the bierhall had ended...
 
Audacity Jane: "You just spent all afternoon drinking and BSing with a spy. Do you think you actually accomplished anything?"
Happy Jack: "I think I achieved my goal, and kept Goldi from achieving hers."
Audacity Jane: "Her goal was to get you to say something incriminating."
Happy Jack: "Not quite. Her goal was to get me drunk enough that I would slip up and say something incriminating."
Audacity Jane: "You have the same full-spectrum immunization that I do. You can't get drunk."
Happy Jack: "I may have neglected to mention that to her."
Audacity Jane: "What were you trying to accomplish?"
Happy Jack: "I was trying to convince her to keep up with me, beer for beer."
Audacity Jane: "She couldn't be that stupid."
Happy Jack: "Not quite. She started out having one beer to every four of mine, then one for every three."
Audacity Jane: "How long did that last?"
Happy Jack: "Until she passed out. She's going to have one hell of a hangover tomorrow."

The Game: Monster Hunter International
 
The Game Operations Director: My long-suffering friend Mike
 
So far the characters are
 
Titania "Call Me Fiona" Melungeon, my character, a basketball playing  computer hacking female Troll
 
Kylie "Don't call me Crocodile Dundee!," a young woman from Australia here on the Monster Hunter's Exchange Program, with a boomerang enchanted by an Aboriginal shaman as thanks for saving some of the tribe's children from were-dingoes. 
 
John Lee Pettimore III, the hillbilly army veteran from the song "Copperhead Road" who inherited the family business of moonshining and branched out into more profitable prohibited substances. We took the write up from Surbrook's Stuff and expanded it.
 
And then there's Don Gunn, the guy giving us our marching orders and Mike's "GMPC" who runs Don Gunn's Guns. He's not in it to make money - he just LOOOOOVES to sell guns. If you're not from around here (we're in Indianapolis) don't worry about not getting that, it's an inside joke.
 
 
When last I posted about the lazy Trollop Titania, she was taking a nap. Upon awakening, she checks email.
 
Titania: Something from some Nigerian prince. Someone selling Viagra. Ha, if some guy's with me he shouldn't need that stuff. Someone peddling canned pork processed food product, that's just spam. No one ordering giant Australian hunting spider repellent?
 
We get dispatched to the next outbreak, and find an MCB liason as well as the facility manager waiting outside.
 
Note for the uninitiated: In Monster Hunter International, the MCB is the Monster Control Bureau, a super-secret government agency that licenses and regulates monster bounty hunters, and insists on keeping the public at large completely ignorant of the existence of monsters. After we bag up the bodies of monsters (we need the remains to claim the bounty later) the MCB comes in and cleans up, disposes of the bodies of innocent victims, etc.
 
Bill, the one playing John Lee Pettimore, asks if one of those "butt can" ashtrays is around outside. There is. Then he asks the local liason where the nearest janitor's closet to the entrance is, and gets directions. We're all mystified. He says "I have a plan, but I can't do it if that MCB guy is watching.
 
Titania tells the facility official to go talk to the MCB representative about the compensation the government owes his organization for this incident, he really needs to start right now if he wants to file a claim, etc - so as to get both of them distracted.
 
Mike: Roll it, you have +3 because you're telling him what he wants to hear.
 
Titania, OoC after making the roll: Ok, that should keep them busy but he hates me now.
Mike: Oh?
Titania: Yeah, remember, I bought Persuasion with a Limitation, so I convince people that what I'm saying makes sense, but I alienate them in the process. So it was probably something like, Look you idiot, you need to go talk to the man about filing a claim for compensation, unless you're as dumb as you are ugly you'll insist on him getting the forms out right now, the longer you delay the more chance you'll lose out like a chump, etc.
 
So we go in. It's dark and we make our way by flashlight towards the janitor's closet so John Lee can get the broom for whatever his big plan is. Then Kylie's Danger Sense goes off.
 
Kylie: Wait, something's wrong.
Titania: Shh. Listen.
 
We don't hear any skittering - I was expecting they might be in the closet. Then I look up.
 
Mike: Three spiders are dangling on threads from the ceiling overhead.
 
After ascertaining that they are dangling low enough to reach with a leap, Titania jumps and Grabs. The spider Grabs back. Titania fails, spider succeeds, both fall to the floor. John Lee makes a Fast Draw roll, and Kylie Dodges that first phase.
 
Without Kylie's Danger Sense, we'd probably have all been bitten.
 
While the other two are unloading firearms at point blank, I make my second grab roll and announce Titania is grabbing the head so it can't bite. The spider wraps its center two pairs of legs around Titania, hugging her to the underside of its abdomen, and rushes off on its other four legs. At least it's not running up the wall.
 
Kylie OoC: I don't want to hit you by accident.
Titania OoC: You'll only have a chance to hit me if you miss the spider. It's at half DCV for the grab. And remember, I can Regenerate.
 
Kylie opens fire and blows the thing away.
 
And that's where we left it. It only occurred to me afterwards that we should all have been penalized for fighting in the dark (Titania was carrying the flashlight, and had to have dropped it to make that Leap and Grab.) Next session, I'll see about restoring the lights (how did giant spiders cause a power outage anyway/)
 
Lucius Alexander
 
The palindromedary suspects the spiders can see in the dark.

Shadowrun : Paradise Lost
September 2052 - The party have decided to take a sudden holiday. True, Renraku corporation might think we're dead, what with the nuke and all, but a low profile might be a good idea. So we'll be lounging around on a beach in Hawaii until the Red Samurai watching our apartments get bored and go home.

It's certainly more pleasant than hiding in Seattle and hiding in cheap dives with cheaper beer.

Greenlight: Cheap beer? I hang out at Panzerwaffle! F**k your cheap beer!
Inkubus: I got banned from Panzerwaffle, becase of the hourly weapons check. Personally, I think they're jealous. It's not my fault my d*ck is the best weapon the party has.

Inkubus: *escorted from Panzerwaffle, shirtless, between two trolls, singing* I'm, too sexy, for my shirt, too sexy for my shirt....

And a completely out of context quote from the troll.

Titus: Just because I bought more warehouse space is not an excuse for people to fill it with elephants.

But we won't be using our own boat - Renraku will probably be looking for it, too. So it's disguise, false Ids, and flying to the island kingdom on a newly acquired plane.

Felix: If we ever get a zeppelin I expect at some point to cry "Oh the metahumanity!'

And as we enjoy ourselves the Renraku operatives watch from the empty buildings opposite our empty homes.

Renraku Agent One: You'll never see the dwarf.
Renraku Agent Two: Why?
One: He's a sniper.
Two: Oh. Well that's not too bad.
One: And you'll never see the human.
Two: Why?
One: They're a master of disguise. They could be anybody. That's why we're not wearing masks.

And the empty pot noodle containers start piling up.

Two: What's that smell?
One: Oh, I needed the containers. For something.
Two: Dude! We HAVE a toilet!

September is the least popular time to visit Hawaii, thanks to the temperature.

Felix: At least the hotel rooms are cheap.

Felix: So have any of islands been set up as Jurassic Park yet?
Greenlight: Don't tempt me.

Inkubus has all sorts of improvements planned for his plane.

Inkubus: I want it to be my Love Castle in the Sky.

Inkubus: I used to be a air chauffeur, but I had to get out of the business.
Felix: So when was the first time you fucked someone while flying a plane?
Inkubus: *thinks* Well. ... no, she was earlier... after... Oh right - my flight instructor, first time out.

GM: There's something weird about Hawaii - there's sunlight.
Felix: The Daystar! It burns!
Inkubus: The sky! It's blue! I know they told us to colour it like that when we were kids, but...
Felix: You thought it was artistic license?

Felix: What are those berries Pele likes? We probably want to stay on the right side of the local fire goddess while we're here.
Inkubus: Are you sure you want to take the risk of ME possibly coming into contact with the local goddess?
Titus: *has panic attack*

We enjoy the good life and sunburn for a few days.

Felix: Coming out of tourist shops with armfuls of stuff.
Inkubus: You do - I come out with armfuls of the local girls.

One evening, enjoying the entertainment and open bar at the Kona Kalaa Luau, we're interrupted by an elven woman running across the dining area pursued by three humans and an ork. She drops a parcel on Greenlight en route - who dodges, fearing C.O.D deliveries of grenades from Renraku.

Felix: Unusual sort of cabaret they have in these places *sips from pineapple*

It's a job offer, from somebody who knows our rep. Although the messenger apparently needs our help. Titus picks up the two mages and we set off in pursuit.

Inkubus: Wait, I'm being given permission to chase after a tall Elven girl? *pursues, tongue lolling*

Inkubus: Do we ever do any actual work on one of our jobs?
Felix: We're not that Ork Underground team.
Greenlight: It's been two days, I'm tired of holidays! I never knew I was such a workaholic.
Inkubus: I'm not sure I ever could be debauched out. When i think i've plumbed the depths I break through and find even more.

Inkubus: You've given me an idea for my next holiday - two weeks, and fourteen doses of that amnesia drug.
Greenlight: He calls it the Jason Bourne package. We wipe his memory, drop him somewhere in the Middle East, and when he figures out who he is he comes home.

Pursuing the group down the street -

Felix: We didn't pay our bill
Titus: It was a banquet - we paid on the way in.
Felix: Good point.
Greenlight: Frankly I think we were the ones that got ripped off.

Greenlight and Titus (despite the additional load) easily overtake the group. Titus intends to pick up the elf as we do so.

Inkubus: Charging Mah LAZEEERRRRRRR!
Greenlight: You should yell to the humans as you overtake 'You do realise I'm carrying two mages, right?'
Felix: Do we need to start singing the Katamari Damacy theme at this point? If you're collecting everything we run over?

Titus stops dead.

Felix: And does the ork manage to stop?
Inkubus: One way or the other he will be.

The pursuers pause to econsider their careers, and actually leave.

Greenlight: 'My subordinates are getting shock batons to the groin - I'm out'
Inkubus: Don't knock it til you've tried it.
Greenlight: 'I'm going back to surfing'

Serena, the elf, thanks us for rescuing us from the 'discipline team' sent to chastise her for accepting the courier job. Her gang patch is 'Haoles Don't Surf'.

Inkubus: I'm trying to think what gave us away as Shadowrunners - I think it's the way that whenever we entered a room we checked all the corners.

Greenlight: You ever had the feeling you want something, but don't know what it is? I think I want a holiday...
Inkubus: But you don't know how to have one?

Greenlight: *sighs* Let's go have our holiday.
Inkubus: A working holiday. Defined as 'working in a holiday setting'

La Maison D'Indochine is a very high-end and elegant restaurant. Just as well we packed our best suits.

Titus: We do tend to do the high-paying jobs. Sometimes because they're bullshit difficult, and the rest of the time it's for dragons who have to pay extra before anybody will agree to work for them.

Felix: The string quartet are playing Pachelbel's Canon, and the cellist has this expression ಠ_ಠ
Inkubus: D, A, B, F Sharp, G, D, G, A
Greenlight: What?
Inkubus: Cellist's part. Repeat indefinitely.
Greenlight: Oh, I thought you were trying to learn the alphabet.

The Johnson is a woman in her mid-30s, exuding an air of innocence.

Inkubus: An air of niceness so complete it makes the idea of violence against her seem-
Titus: Entertaining?

Felix: Before we accept the job how did you know we were here? That sort of operational leak is of concern to us.
Inkubus: We're supposed to be on holiday... Actually all it takes is one guy to recognise us.
Felix: 'Hey, it's that guy that had the Renraku heads!'
Inkubus: *wince* and the shiteating grin.
Renraku Underling: Sir, we have found-
Frothing Renraku Exec: Silence! We will find them with spies!
Renraku: But sir, he is trending on Facebook!

The job is to investigate the theft of a product known as an "AFD". to develop it, the Johnson's client company entered into a joint venture with a company called 2M to develop it. Two weeks earlier, the client company and 2M met at the latter's corporate offices in Honolulu, when an assault team showed up, stole the prototypes and files, and assassinated everyone present. We need to investigate the theft, find the culprit, and retrieve the prototypes.

And 2M's Head of Security is a Feathered Dragon.

Felix: Another f**king dragon????

Off to the skyraker where the attack happened.

Greenlight: All this talk of the 34th floor means I'm going to throw somebody out the window. If I can.

Inkubus: I'm going back to the elevator and squeezing the rest of my...
Felix: Lube?
Inkubus: Sunscreen, over the floor. Just in case there's a security team coming up after us.

There's a thumb-scan lock on one of the doors. So we make a Titus-shaped hole in the wall. Felix hears something move in one of the other offices.

Felix: What was that noise? No, the other noise.

It's a nervous guy with a gun. Greenlight appears a foot away.

Greenlight: Hi.
Nervous Guy: Fuck! Hands up! Where I can see them!
Inkubus: *snickers* Sure. Not a problem. Orgasm.
Greenlight: Is that wise when he's holding a gun on us?
Felix: He shoots. Twice.

Nervous Guy was already logged into the computers - helpful. He's the Vice-president of Accounts Management.

Greenlight: An Ares Predator for self-defence, at the Office? I can't imagine why. *sarcasm off*
Felix: Were you here during the attack?
Inkubus: He's alive, of course he wasn't.
Felix: Good point. WHY weren't you present?

Then Titus accidentally sets off the alarm. Just before the strike team open the elevator door, startling everybody including them. And as they rush in, they hit the sunscreen on the floor and go arse-over-tits.

Inkubus: You know what we call this sort of situation? Stunball practise. I'm just glad it's not a septuagenarian nightwatchman. 'Argh, my hip!'

Greenlight effortlessly picks them all off with gel rounds. None of them are wearing uniforms, but it’s possible they're the replacements for the murdered security. On the other hand, at least one of them was a shaman, and another suspiciously unarmed.
Our new captives include one Mark, the President of Accounts.

Inkubus: This is sad - these guys thought they were shadowrunners. Hey, Mark, were you diddling the company? Mindprobe.

Greenlight: I wonder if their street samurai is just a guy with a plastic arm.
Felix: Winter Soldier cosplayer.

Mark IS working with Aloha, a Hawaiian terrorist organisation – those AREN’T the new security team he’s with. They were after the AFD - the Anti-Flatline Device, a biofeedback filter first devised by Mary Falls Inc in Seattle. Possibly the first ever built. But he doesn't know who raided 2M, apart from the fact it wasn't Aloha, but Aloha somehow ended up with the info anyway. And then they heard the woman in charge of the project may have extra files hidden at one of the company labs, and came to find out which lab. Good news for Nervous Guy - he can pretend he caught the terrorists and company traitor on the condition he lets us finish poking around inside the company servers.

Inkubus: Congratulations on your promotion.

And now WE know where the extra files are, and where Aloha hide out. Greenlight writes FAIL on their chests, one letter for each.

Terrorists: F, A... oh you d*ck!

Oh, and our Johnson IS Mary Falls. Inkubus figures out what happened - 2M realised how valuable the AFD is, and staged an attack on their own offices and lab so they could steal the data and run off with it without being under suspicion. 2M tried to incriminate Aloha, not knowing their own President of Accounts was already associated with Aloha.

Greenlight: 'And we would have got away with it too'
Inkubus: 'If it wasn't for you meddling Shadowrunners.'

And then Mary Fall hired us personally.

Mary: I want the best team you have. Money is no object.
Fixer: Er... are you willing to pay 3 or 4 million?
Mary: OK, money is an object.
Fixer: But if you want a team that will change the parameters of the mission halfway through - TO YOUR BENEFIT - then you should still hire them.

Johnson: I hired Them.
Exec: Them? Them who?
Johnson: THEM.
Exec: Oh, THEM.

Inkubus: I think they were close to perfecting the AFD. That's when I'd scrag my own research team if I was a total amoral bastard.
Felix: Like a dragon.

Indeed, it seems likely this was 2M's Head of Security that came up with this plan.

Titus: Dragon's have achieved perfect self-awareness.
Inkubus: 'I'm a dick... and I'm OK with that. Sometimes the world needs a good d*cking.'
Felix: Well, you should know.

Mary Falls is quite startled by our report, and that we figured out who she is and what the AFD is.

Greenlight: Isn't this exactly like all your other relationships with woman? They're dumbfounded but impressed with your efficiency.

Next week! Off to Molokai and Waimea!

And then there's Don Gunn, the guy giving us our marching orders and Mike's "GMPC" who runs Don Gunn's Guns. He's not in it to make money - he just LOOOOOVES to sell guns. If you're not from around here (we're in Indianapolis) don't worry about not getting that, it's an inside joke.
 
I showed Mike the Base Template in Hero Designer, and he went a little nuts designing Don's eponymous emporium. I don't know what the walls are made of, but they have DEF and BOD scores I'd expect from bank vaults or main battle tanks. Speaking of tanks, there's a tank on the extensive grounds, of a type Mike went out of his way to state that no one would recognize.
 
Titania the Trollop: Are we going to get driving lessons for this thing?
Don: No, you are not getting driving lessons for this tank.
Titania: So it drives itself? Cool!
 
 
Don ("Big Boomstick" to Titania) doesn't know it yet, but Titania is going to hang a basketball hoop on that tank's gun to have a place to practice.
 
Speaking of practice we all got a little target practice on Don's Gun Range, once we argued him into letting us have the ammunition and charging it back to MHI as a training expense. Between Don's attitude and John Lee's, I expect haggling over money will be a major theme.
 
 
So. Our first assignment was to respond to a giant spider infestation in a public park. They attacked one at a time because Mike is getting used to the system and feeling out what would be a challenge vs. what would walk all over us. The last two take off running and jumping through the trees, and we pile in the pickup truck (borrowed from Don) and give chase.
 
John Lee Pettimore III is the only one of us with Combat Driving, so he's driving. He misses the roll by 1. Mike rules that he crashes into a tree.
 
I think someone said "Don's not gonna like that."
 
He (John Lee) fires one last burst at the spiders in hopes of wounding one so it leaks and leaves a trail, but misses. We end up heading in the direction they vanished into, eventually coming out on the north side of the park.
 
Mike, the Game Operations Director: You see no sign of giant spiders. Some passers by are giving you funny looks given that you're carrying heavy weapons. And a boomerang.
 
Titania, to anyone who pauses to stare: Counterterrorism drill. Carry on with your business.
 
We all stand still and shut up and listen for the sound of screams (indicating someone had seen the spiders.) Nothing.
 
Two thirds of the characters are skilled Trackers, but admittedly out of their element, and not even allowed to roll. So Titania whips out her smart phone. We're in Washington DC: There IS surely a spy satellite overhead, it's just a question of hacking into it. With an overhead view, maybe we can spot the spiders.Alas, I fail the roll.
Titania OOC: Okay, I'm going to roll to cover my tracks. (after making that roll) Now I'm indistinguishable from the 10 Chinese and 2 North Korean hackers who were trying to access that same satellite at the same time I was.
 
Reluctantly, we turn back to the damaged truck with three dead giant spiders in back. John Lee calls AAA for a flatbed.
Titania: You realize they're going to come into the park by the same route we took? Meaning they'll see the swollen corpses of two police officers and a couple of ordinary citizens that the spiders got before we showed up?
 
Titania OOC to the G.O.D.: You say the rear of the truck is undamaged? Okay, I'm going to pick it up by the front and pull it to the park entrance so it can be picked up there. There are advantages to being a Troll.
 
John Lee, back on the phone to AAA: Don't come into the park, we're moving it to the entrance. No, I DO still need the flatbed! We can get it to the entrance but no further, trust me.
 
Titania: Yeah, there's no way I'm hauling this thing any further than I have to. (Titania Melungeon is a lazy Trollop. I took an Extra END Limitation on a portion of STR, and a Costs END Limitation on the ENDurance itself - so that every time I expend END, I have to expend 1 extra. I figure my character will be exhausted.)
 
Titania OOC: Before AAA gets here we cover the spiders with a tarp, and I put up the signs.
Mike the G.O.D: Signs?
Titania OOC: Yeah, the ones that say "Temporarily Closed to the Public" and "Exercise in Progress." I know we have signs like that in the truck, hiding the monsters from the public is part of the job description.
Kylie OOC: Then fitness fanatics will see "Exercise in Progress" and come in to join the exercise.
Titania OOC: Really? When I see the word exercise, I turn the other way.
 
 
One of us can ride in the truck. John Lee takes it because he wants to be there when Don sees the truck so he can immediately start negotiating to pay to have it fixed. He figures he wrecked it, he'll pay for it, and he has the Wealth perk (his regular business is profitable apparently.) But he is starting to wonder if monster hunting is going to be a paying sideline.
 
Titania OOC: FlatBED? Bed sounds like where I want to be. After hauling the truck onto it, I lie down there.
Mike: There's no room.
 
Kylie has Direction Sense (why the heck is it called "Bump of Direction" anyway?) and good Navigation skills and is accustomed to hiking for days in the Australian outback, and wants to get to know the city better anyway, so it's obvious how she's getting back to base.
 
Titania is tired and goes to rest under the tree we hit.
 
John Lee gets through his negotiations, and Kylie does her walkabout, and then it's back to me. I get out the smart phone and then log onto the MHI site and look up the bounty for giant spiders, and then for animated trees. (in reality, I had my laptop handy and have the game in PDF.) Then I call Don.
 
Titania: Hello, Don? Yeah, I was looking up the bounties and I can't find the bounty for an animated tree.
Don: Animated tree?!
John Lee OOC: I wish I'd thought of that
Titania: Yeah, the one that saved the giant Australian hunting spiders by jumping in front of us. You saw what it did to the truck? Anyway, do I need to bring the whole tree in for a bounty? (I lean against the tree and begin exerting my Trollop STR, so he can hear it creaking as I start to push it over.)
Don: Leave that tree alone, you can't collect a bounty on it!
Titania: We can't? Anyway, I think I hear the MCB people down by the entrance and I don't want to run into them, I'm going to go catch a bus back to base.
 
Note for the uninitiated: In Monster Hunter International, the MCB is the Monster Control Bureau, a super-secret government agency that licenses and regulates monster bounty hunters, and insists on keeping the public at large completely ignorant of the existence of monsters. My character IS a monster, but I paid points for a Perk to be bounty-exempt, but I still want to keep out of their sight.
 
Kylie OOC: Can you even fit on the bus?
Titania OOC: I have Contortionist. I figure I'll go to the back, sit on one side of the aisle, and stretch my legs into the seat on the other side. On the long ride, I'll be on the smart phone setting up a website to sell Giant Australian Hunting Spider Repellent. I figure if it gets any hits, it's from people who saw our spiders.
John Lee OOC: What are you going to do, sell them grenades as spider repellent?
Titania OOC: No, I figure we show up and tell them WE ARE the giant spider repellent.
 
I'm the last to make it back to base, and start writing up the team's report on the incident. I mention that 5 spiders were spotted, 3 were killed and collected, and the other 2 escaped with the assistance of an animated tree that interfered with the pursuit. I include a suggestion that a bounty be established for such trees, as they are a definite hazard to vehicular traffic.
Mike: Your character is much too smart to believe that.
Me: Did I say she believes it? I said it's what's going in the report. Once that's done, Fiona is taking a nap.
 
 
That's probably enough for now. To be continued...
 
Lucius Alexander
 
The palindromedary explains that Lucius is sticking to the name Titania in these accounts on the assumption that wanting to be called Fiona is something the Trollop will probably grow out of.

The shadowrunners were an ork/troll group. Against stereotype, they specialized in stealth, subtlety, bluff, illusion, deception and misdirection.
 
Dent: ork, rat shaman
No-Step: ork, snake shaman, healer
Byte Force: ork, decker, chemist
Eye Spy: ork, rigger, drones, paramedic
Audacity Jane: ork, combat, stealth, security systems
Happy Jack / Jonathan Bridges: troll, combat, disguise, negotiator
Mr. Johnson: the name used by/for anonymous individuals hiring shadowrunners
 
The Adventures of Baron Munchmaussen - Getting There is Half the Fun
This was the same adventure previously described by Drhoz (here and here).
 
Unlike Drhoz's team, this team of shadowrunners was not hired by a dragon. (At least not directly. With dragons you never know.) Instead, they were hired by a normal Ms. Johnson in Seattle, and flown to Germany on a sub-orbital. From there, they took a train to the village of Schloss Munchmaussen. They were to break into the medieval castle overlooking the village, home to Baron Munchmaussen, an elderly troll. Once inside, they were to steal a rare book and leave a metal briefcase in its place.
 
Eye Spy: "Wait ... his name is actually Baron Munchausen?"
Dent: "He's a hypochondriac."
No-Step: "All the stories about him are greatly exaggerated."
 
Ms. Johnson made the travel arrangements ... and the arrangements for equipment to be provided upon the team's arrival.
 
Byte Force: "I'm taking my cyberdeck with me. I'm not trusting Mr. Johnson to give me a decent deck with useful software."
Eye Spy: "Isn't customs going to confiscate your cyberdeck? It's illegal."
Byte Force: "A legal cyberdeck has matrix identifiers. An illegal cyberdeck doesn't. My cyberdeck is a custom job. I can change it from a legal deck to an illegal deck by flipping a switch."
Eye Spy: "What if they look at the programs?"
Byte Force: "They're not going to recognize anything. I wrote them myself."
Dent: "Byte Force doesn't believe in documenting his software."
Byte Force: "It's called 'code' for a reason."
 
Byte Force did some recon through the Matrix prior to the trip.
 
Byte Force: "Baron Munchaussen is a paranoid, not a hypochondriac. The castle is covered in security cameras. There are cameras in all of the hotel rooms. It looks like there are even cameras in all of the private houses."
No-Step: "The walls have ears."
Dent: "The toilets and showers have eyes."
 
Byte Force: "Jack, I found the personnel files for the castle. You might want to look at the Director of Tourism first."
Happy Jack: "Is he an ork or troll?"
Byte Force: "No. She's the Baron's chief of intelligence. She's also a mage."
Audacity Jane: (laughing) "I think I like the Baron. He thinks like me."
 
Byte Force: "I can't quite figure out the castle interior from the camera angles. I could really use some humint."
Happy Jack: "I'll see what I can do. Send me the personnel files for any female orks and trolls on the Baron's staff."
Dent: "The females? Are No-Step and you going in drag?"
Happy Jack: "No. I'm planning on seducing one of the servants, then you can read her mind."
Dent: "..."
Happy Jack: "And I would really prefer to seduce one of the women."
 
Security on flights is a bit different in the Awakened World of 2051. Cyberware can't be confiscated for the duration of the flight. Therefore, passengers with dangerous forms of cyberware are required to wear cyberware restraint cuffs - CRCs. (This assumes that security detects and properly identifies the cyberware.) If the dangerous cyberwear is activated, the cuff applies a taser charge to the wearer. (Nastier versions contain an explosive charge instead.)
 
Eye Spy's player is the most pessimistic gamer I've ever met. She's perpetually convinced that a total party kill is going to happen in the near future.
 
Eye Spy: (while waiting for the flight) "Something terrible is going to happen on this flight, and we're all going to die. The flight is going to crash, or we'll be shot down by a missile, or something. I'm not sure what yet. But just watch."
Happy Jack: "For once, I think you're right to be concerned."
Eye Spy: "You're actually agreeing with me?"
Happy Jack: "Not completely, but we're going into a situation where we lack the ability to respond to a crisis. You can't fly a semi-balistic vehicle. You don't have your drones with you. We don't have weapons. For part of the flight, magick won't work. Accessing the Matrix won't accomplish much. Jane is good at unarmed combat, but she's wearing CRCs."
Audacity Jane: "And part of the flight will be zero-G. It's extremely difficult to fight in that environment unless you have training and experience. I don't."
Eye Spy: "Oh @#$%! This time, we really are all going to die."
 
Hijack - We Should have Seen This Coming (Actually ... We Did)
The hijack started when someone set off a smoke bomb, filling the entire cabin with smoke. Happy Jack grabbed a fire extinguisher, using his spare hand to brace against the ceiling of the cabin (preventing problems with zero-G).
 
Happy Jack: "I don't see any fire."
Audacity Jane: "But there are three of them ... headed this way."
Happy Jack: (cheerfully) "I have a fire extinguisher."
Byte Force: "Are you using that as a rocket?"
Happy Jack: "No. I'm using it as a club."
 
Dent: "They have cyberspurs. How come their CRCs aren't shocking them?"
Happy Jack: "I would complain that they're cheating somehow, but we cheat all the time."
 
The hijackers appeared to be as inexperienced at zero-G combat as the team was. That gave Happy Jack (fully braced) a tremendous advantage. His long arms and "club" gave him an additional reach advantage.
 
Eye Spy: (watching Jack smack the three hijackers around) "Sometimes I forget that you're almost as dangerous as Jane."
 
In the zero-G environment, Jack was able to smack the hijackers flying into the cabin wall for even more damage.
 
Dent (ooc): I'm having flashbacks to Champions.
Happy Jack (ooc): Nah. For Champions I'd need at least six more dice.
 
After the flight, the polizei wanted to interview Happy Jack, due to his pivotal role in thwarting the hijacking. The polizei seemed suspicious of Happy Jack. To complicate matters, Jack got the distinct impression that a polizei mage was using an Analyze Truth spell during the interview.
 
Polizist: "You must be very brave."
Happy Jack: "Not really. Just looking out for myself. If they crashed the sub-orbital, we would all die."
Polizist: "How did you manage to defeat three hijackers all by yourself?"
Happy Jack: "I'm a troll."
Polizist: (long pause) "You were unarmed, against three armed men. Jah?"
Happy Jack: (shrugging) "I had a fire extinguisher."
Polizist: "What made you decide to pick up a fire extinguisher?"
Happy Jack: "The cabin was full of smoke."
Polizist: "How could you tell the hijackers apart from the other passengers?"
Happy Jack: "They were heading for the cockpit, and they had cyberspurs out."
Polizist: "How could you see that, when the cabin was full of smoke?"
Happy Jack: "I'm a troll. I have thermographic vision."
 
The polizei eventually decided that they weren't going to catch Jack in a lie (and the flight attendent insisted he was a hero), so they let him go catch the train with the rest of the team.
 
Each time the train crossed from one petty German kingdom to the next, the passengers had to deal with customs officials and security forces. Finally, in one of the kingdoms, the "security forces" were indistinguishable from organized crime extortionists. They were even shooting their guns in order to intimidate the passengers into paying.
 
Audacity Jane: "Amateurs."
Happy Jack: "Leave the amateurs alone. I would rather pay a reasonable bribe to some amateurs, rather than prove to everyone that we're not."
 
Unfortunately, one of the bandits decided that he wanted Byte Force's cyberdeck.
 
Bandit #1: (in a Bavarian-German dialect) "Give me that."
Happy Jack: "You want what? Oh! You want money. Geld. Geld? Jah, jah?"
Jack stood up, pulled out the team's biggest, heaviest carry-on down from the rack and shoved it into Bandit #1's arms, nearly causing him to drop his gun.
No-Step's watcher spirit: (suddenly appearing behind the bandits) "DROP YOUR WEAPONS. I KILL YOU."
The bandits spun around. One fired a burst (harmlessly) through the watcher spirit. Happy Jack pulled the hardest carry-on off the rack and smashed it down on Bandit #1's head. Simultaneously, Audacity Jane stood up behind Bandit #2, pulled Bandit #2's sidearm from its holster, then used it to shoot Bandit #2 and Bandit #3 in the head.
Audacity Jane: "This car's clear."
Dent: "You should have let me cast a Silence spell. The gunfire will attract the ones in the rest of the train."
Audacity Jane: "These amateurs keep shooting their own guns in order to intimidate people. As long as I space my shots out, they aren't going to realize that I'm shooting their guns instead."
 
A second group of armed men showed up and started attacking the group extorting the passengers.
 
Audacity Jane: (as the team ducked down to avoid being struck by stray rounds) "This is very convenient."
Eye Spy: "What part of this do you find convenient?"
Happy Jack: "We no longer have to explain how these three men ended up dead."

Roadtrip! Traveling to the Isle of Skye in order to find the missing elven decker Quicksilver. Why we're doing this is not entirely clear, since the person who was going to be paying us is dead, but we Shadowrunners are free spirits, unbeholden to the petty rules that govern society, and free to do any damn stupid thing that occurs to us.

Warhammer: We've been paid repeatedly for every other job we've done, we can cover one where we don't get paid at all.

Labrat arrives, delayed due to the fact his boat isn't rated from Seattle to London, especially since global warming apparently didn't happen in the Shadowrun universe and the Arctic Ocean is still, in fact, arctic. The bigger problem was all the giant underground brigadoons that suddenly appeared and that promptly filled up with seawater. And all those mined-out deposits that suddenly reappeared, along with their surrounding mountains.

Felix: Well, BHP-Billiton must have been pleased. The miners who were underground at the time, not so much.

Greenlight: Can we hire a crop-duster and spray the island with Agent Orange?
Felix: I don't think the druids will appreciate that, somehow.
Greenlight: That's the point

Labrat picks up a few toys en route.

GM: You meet up with a fixer named Angus McNab
Greenlight: So Scottish he secretes alcohol.

The involvement of druids - especially on their home turf, continues to make us nervous.

Inkubus: We're just going to go up there and see what the situation is.
Greenlight: Oh, thank f**k for that!
Inkubus: We're not going up there to piss in their cereal.

Labrat: So what's been happening?
Greenlight: We're in England now-
Felix: Scotland. Don't get them confused
Greenlight: We're in SCOTLAND now where everybody is drunk, eh-
Titus: That's Canada
Greenlight: WE'RE IN SCOTLAND NOW WHERE EVERYBODY IS DRUNK AND I KEEP GETTING INTERRUPTED-
Labrat: So I see
Greenlight: THE NEXT PERSON THAT INTERRUPTS ME GETS TASED IN THE FACE

Labrat: So you called me all the way from Seattle for a job where I won't get paid.
Greenlight: Yes. Mostly to f**k with you.

Plus, we can sing as we drive.

Warhammer: How about a drink-a-long?
Felix: If you really want to. 'If you need a job done that would land you in jail / Shadow-runrunrun, Shadow-runrun'
Warhammer: Rumrumrumrumrum, rumrumrumrum
Felix: 'As assets we're deniable in case we fail / Shadow-runrunrun, Shadow-runrun'
Warhammer: Rumrumrumrumrum, rumrumrumrum

There's a castle on the fair side of the loch, and a village on this side. Surveilling the fishing village while pretending to be birdwatchers -

Labrat: Nudist beach!
Inkubus: In Scotland?!
Felix: They don't even need the blue body paint.
Labrat: Oh wait, that's ice sculpture.

There is a circle where the druids from the isle hold a daily ritual.

Inkubus: Is anybody else wishing we had a mortar?

Greenlight: We so didn't bring enough firepower for this.
Warhammer: Uh-huh.
Felix: Who needs firepower, we have a troll.
Greenlight: You can't fire a troll long distances.
Felix: Labrat, you're an engineer, aren't you?

Labrat goes looking for the towns most disreputable fisherman.

GM: He's a grizzled old man-
Greenlight: "...but you f**k one fish!"

Whilst the anecdote about his various careers is no doubt fascinating, Labrat is actually after explosives.

Felix: I'm heading down to the quay early to scan the surface of the loch and beaches for birdlife. That is our cover story after all.
Labrat: And you've got that loched down.

They're also a small crowd of tourists here to see the druids.

Greenlight: Am I a bad person because I look at them and think 'meat shield'?

In fact, the way the whole castle-full-of-druids seems to be a tourist trap is a relief. Plus, there's no giant wicker man on the hill.

GM: The furry comes across the loch
Inkubus: Furry or Ferry?
Greenlight: Because if it's a furry I'm out of here
Inkubus: I want nothing to do with giant furries - it inevitable leads to vore.
Felix: Or insertion.
Labrat: Or both.
Greenlight: Alright, we'll go Attack on Titan for you.
Felix: 'In 2050 humanity received a grim reminder'
Titus: 'Then blew it up with C12.'

GM: Seven druids emerge and come across the grass towards the tourist bus
Labrat: I think they're all on the grass
Titus: There's Happy and Grumpy and...
Labrat: And Dopey is the leader
Labrat: Nah - he thinks he's in charge. It's actually the live-in maid.

Greenlight: Can I talk to Fiona, please?
Dwuid: Excuse me?
Greenlight: A friend of hers is in mortal danger.
Dwuid: That's... alarming news. I need to go talk to some people.
Inkubus: I think we need to go to the old rule - Greenlight doesn't get to talk to anybody until she gets over this 'honesty' thing.

Fiona: And what is your connection to Quicksilver?
Labrat: Merely to ensure he doesn't come to harm (which is true XD)

Quicksilver apparently left part of his lifeforce with Fiona. That on top of of the deck he left with Amelia is adding up to something alarming.

Inkubus: We think he's done something... very silly. Such as forcing his own reincarnation as a being of pure data.
Felix: He's basically been making horcruxes. I told you Harry Potter would be involved in this somehow.

None of us can figure out how Quicksilver managed this trick.

Felix: We're in a magical castle in Scotland.
Titus: Horcruxes.
Felix: Horcruxes.

Fiona will entrust Quicksilver's essence to the group in return for something commensurate from one of our mages.

Inkubus: Well....
Felix: You're at least closer to their tradition
Inkubus: Really? Really? I invoke the spirit of Metal!
Titus: *flips a coin and points at Inkubus*
GM: She wants to perform a ritual with you.
Inkubus: *tries to resist temptation*
Felix: *sigh*
Inkubus: What kind of ritual?
GM: Candles and shuffling around on the grass.
Warhammer and Greenlight: *snicker*

Inkubus: Am I going to to need protection? Because you hear stories.

GM: You're all invited to witness the ceremony
Greenlight: Oh my
Inkubus: It's not every day I have an audience. And you get to see what seven charisma looks like under the hood.

If the ritual is a busty there's still one way we can profit from this trip.

Inkubus: We can still sell his deck, right?

The ritual involves a dozen dwuids, various spirits, and a metric f**kton of power - the leyline through the area might have something to do with that. It also leaves Inkubus with the distinct impression of being repeatedly shot.

Fiona: I know he followed the ley to Loch Ness and met a presence there - I don't know what happened there.
Titus: We get to fight a plesiosaur! *high-fives Greenlight*

GM: You've got ten minutes til the last furry.
Greenlight: Gotta catch that giant wolf.
Felix: Wolf-fox. Herm wolf-fox.
GM: What?
Felix: You said furry instead of ferry again.
GM: *sigh*
Greenlight: Giant herm wolf-fox.
Inkubus: With wings. Part angel.
Titus: And a keyblade.
GM: And a pink and purple colour scheme. *sigh*

Quicksilver's horcrux is a black box sealed with wax and a silver clasp.

Titus: I was wrong - it's actually a phylactery.

Inkubus: Who wants to assense Quicksilver's box?
Warhammer: *snicker*

The box apparently contains something relieved that somebody has finally come for it. Inkubus speculates Quicksilver's mind is in the Matrix, his soul in the box, and his body bullet-riddled somewhere near the Loch. The box actually contains a very unconventional chip and a transponder inside a block of plascrete.

Greenlight: I think we've seen more innuendo in one square mile than I've seen in the whole of Seattle.

There's certainly a lot of mention of Elven Deck. But for now, off through the deep dark woods around Loch Ness.

Greenlight: We'll just follow the trail of rubbish left by earlier tourists.

The transponder and the chip's mystic glow leads us towards Castle Urquhart on the shore of the loch.

Inkubus: I feel so metal now I'm a glorified bloodhound.
Titus: Oh, I dunno, bloodhound sound pretty metal.

A Nature Spirit materialises in our path.

Nature Spirit: I know why you are here.
Felix: You're doing better than us then.
Greenlight: Yup.
Titus: Just stumbling blindly along after map points.

The spirit opens an astral gate and invites us through.

Inkubus: If what I thinking is going to happen, happens, we will learn things about each other
Warhammer: STAYING.

GM: Things are weird in the Astral
Inkubus: Shit be whack

The spirit wants us to perform a quest, if we still want the portion of Quicksilver it's guarding.

Felix: Let's just call it the third horcrux, shall we?

Greenlight: Will I get a magic sword?
Felix: If I reject the first offer will I get a better one?

We are promptly menaced by the Dweller on the Threshold.

Felix: The Antimatter Monster from Planet of Evil.
Inkubus: Ozzy Osbourne. 'What the f**k are you doing here?' The godfather of Metal.
Greenlight: 'Shaarrron! Who the f**k is this?'
Greenlight: Greg the Grim Reaper - "Alright, what the fuck do you lot want then? Oh, right, let me guess, you want to cross over. Oh, wonderful, like I haven't had to deal with this before. Magically active pricks, you think that just because you can magically assense means you've got the fucking right to cross over. Obnoxious shitheads."
GM: For Felix it probably looks like Zardoz
Felix: ?
Greenlight: Sean Connery in a mankini.
Warhammer: Now there is a mental image I didn't need

The dweller wants a confession from us before it will let us through.

Titus: I don't have any deep secrets
Labrat: You're just very shallow

Felix: *blushes bright red and mutters something inaudible*
Dweller: Speak up.
Felix: She was my cousin, alright? It was a family gathering. We wandered off over the hill...
Dweller: *transforms into Felix's grandad and royally chews him out*

Inkubus admits he kept a lock of Euphoria's hair, even before she was kidnapped.

Greenlight: What, not standard Shadowrunner paranoia?
Inkubus: No - she was the only innocent thing I've ever found in this life, OK?
Dweller: *transforms into Euphoria and expertly denounces Inkubus as a disgusting creep*

There are also Trials - reliving our most traumatic experiences. Inkubus re-enacts his horrible encounter with the deamon Twilight. Inkubus relives his encounter with the fire-demon Inkubus summoned.

Felix: *flees the burning factory, but this time making sure to kick the image of Inkubus repeatedly in the arse as we run, and re-emerges from the Trial gate on fire*
Inkubus: What happened to you?
Felix: *gives Inkubus a look that should make him burst into flame*

Luckily Warhammer and Titus are out in the real world to patch up the bullet-holes and stab-wounds our comatose bodies are sprouting.

Felix: Interesting thing about ganglions - they're the only medical condition that can be cured by literally hitting it with a book.
Greenlight: I like that wordplay - 'literally'

Inkubus relives the Dwuid ritual, but such is his own self-confidence that the danger touches him even less than it did the first time.

Inkubus: And in the real world I have an erection.
Titus: Not touching that one.
Felix: I'm not hitting it with a book.

Past and Present trials faced, we turn to the future. Felix is still annoyed at having to relive the factory.

Felix: Do we get to see what happens to Inkubus in the future?
Nature Spirit: It doesn't work like that.
Felix: F**k.
Inkubus: The same that happens every morning - I wake up surrounded by beautiful women.

Instead we all find ourselves in a limousine driving through Washington D.C., with a man with very blue eyes and an American flag lapel pin, who yells "What are you doing here?!" and then the car explodes.

We then find ourselves back in the Astral clearing, and staring at each other. For once, Felix's Conspiracy Theory hobby comes in handy.

Felix: What the f**k was that?
Greenlight: WHO the f**k was that?
Felix: ... I think that was a dragon.

Felix: We are never going to DC
Inkubus: Yeah. Right. You keep on believing that. We are going to DC. Just pray we can stay away from limousines.

Time to go back to Edinburgh, which will give Inkubus and Felix a chance to catch up on their social media, sad addicts that they are.

Inkubus: We'll catch the next bus
Greenlight: It's not for an hou-
Inkubus: WE'LL CATCH THE NEXT BUS

Back at Prof. Amelia's lab at the university where the extremely, almost impossibly advanced deck that Quicksilver used has slots for four custom chips - such as the two we've so far acquired at Skye and Castle Urquhart. It looks like we're going to have to stick our brains into the deck for some clue as to what to do next.

Felix: This is a bad idea - I've read Harry Potter, no good comes of messing with horcruxes.

And besides, none of us have datajacks. On the other hand, there are 'trode helmets.

Felix: And Edinburgh is part of Silicon Glen.

'trode-jacking in reveals the poorly resolved image of a slumped dead woman data-labelled Morag McDonald. This, presumably, is a clue. Warhammer manages to identify her via the death register and her tartan - apparently she was murdered the same day Quicksilver went missing. And that the fourteen homicides she was part of may reignite the murderous history of the Campbells and McDonalds. Certainly, the local authorities are very much afraid the McDonalds are plotting reprisals.

Titus: There's only way to end this feud
All: KILL THEM ALL
Inkubus: Or pick a side.
Titus: Or convince them both to meet a particular place to get the social XP, then betray them both for the combat experience.
Inkubus: But who we betray first depends on who doesn't have the hot daughter.

 

Double-face-palm bonus!

Bulletproof Samaritan - Flying Brick 
Hombre Panthera - Were-Jaguar 
<UTF> (Universal Translation Fail - his name is never said the same way twice.) - 2 headed alien with Luck Manipulation and a ray gun.
 
We introduced a new character to the group last session: Ivy.
 
Ivy's a descendant of the druids living in a magically shielded location in Canada's far NW. She has druid magic powers over plants and animals etc. 
 
Scene: Ivy is out front of the UN Building giving a (boring) speech about the damage that pollution and over industrialisation are doing to the world.
The other heroes have come along to hear her speak. Hombre Panthera is an environmentalist and keen. The other two are curious as Ivy has been in the news of late as she has made her way across North America on a public awareness raising tour. 
 
Ivy is holding up a small branch from a rare species of tree as an example of what pollution is doing. <UTF> is bored and so he adjusts the dial on his luck manipulator "to make something interesting happen." 
Ivy feels her magic go off involuntarily and the branch grows into very large, fully grown pine tree. It starts falling toward the crowd but it's caught by Bulletproof Samaritan just in the nick of time.
 
Samaritan: (nods toward <UTF>) He fiddled with his knob and she got wood.
Ivy (wondering how her magic could have activated without her will): I will have to get to the root of this problem.
Hombre Panthera (pretending to be sick of the jokes): We should leaf it here.
<UTF> (supporting Hombre's suggestion): We should branch off at some point...
 
My girlfriend comes into the room wondering what all the laughing is about:
 
My GF (OOC): It took me a moment to twig, but I caught on.

That reminds me of a couple things I pulled in MMOs. (In general, names have been changed ... because I can't remember them.)
 
-------------------------
 
in Everquest (the original one)
 
I was running my bard (Staccato) through West Freeport (one of the starting cities), when I heard the following...
 
Newbie: "Everyone watch out! There's a druid killing noobs in the arena!!!"
Dr00d: "free druid buffs in the arena"
 
I checked the list of players in the zone, and the Dr00d was the second highest level player ... a 34th level druid.
The highest level player was Staccato ... a 60th level bard.
 
The list didn't mention that Staccato worshiped the Tribunal ... the gods of justice.
 
What happens when a follower of the Tribunal discovers that a druid is making false promises in order to trick newbies into getting killed?
What happens when the druid announces that he's located in a free-for-all PvP Arena?
 
Staccato entered the Arena invisibly. The Dr00d didn't notice Staccato until Staccato charmed him. When you're charmed, your avatar responds to all the normal pet commands. Some of them are lots of fun in PvP.
Dr00d: "Staccato is my master."
Dr00d: "Staccato is my master."
Dr00d: "Staccato is my master."
Staccato: "You got that right."   Charm only lasts for 30 seconds, and you have to wait for it to break before you can reapply it. I was a little worried that the Dr00d might escape when charm broke, so I quickly switched over to mezzing him ... because I could do that forever.  
Well, maybe not forever. After about 5 minutes, the Dr00d decided that he could disconnect from the internet, which would disconnect him from the game and log him out. Of course, his avatar stayed in the game for another 15 seconds. How long do you think it takes a 60th level bard to kill a 34th level druid?
 
Less than 15 seconds.
 
Staccato: using guildchat "There was a druid offering free buffs to newbies in the Freeport Arena, then killing them."
Guildmember #1: "That's horrible."
Guildmember #2: "I ought to go there and kill him."
Staccato: "Too late. I beat you to it."
Guildmembers: "lol"
 
Two minutes later...
 
Dr00d: in a private message "u killed me"
Staccato: "Yep. If I catch you killing newbies again, I'll kill you again."
Dr00d: "u made me lose xp."
This was surprising. PvP kills aren't supposed to cause XP loss.
Staccato: "Serves you right."
Dr00d: "i reported u to the gms"
Staccato: "For killing you in the Arena? Let me know when they laugh in your face."
Dr00d: "im goin 2 report u 2 ur guild get u kicked out"
Staccato: in guildchat "The druid is back. He wants to report me to my guild."
GuildOfficer #1: "Give him my name. I want to tell him off."
GuildOfficer #2: "Me too."
GuildOfficer #3: "Definitely give him my name."
Staccato: in a private message to the Dr00d "Several officers are online. Would you like a list of names?"
 
-------------------------
 
In City of Heroes
 
This took place in The Hollows, which is a low-level zone. The Hollows were very dangerous to travel through. There were obstructed lines of sight, so you could run into enemies before you spotted them. The enemies hung out in large groups, capable of quickly killing most newbies. And newbies didn't have advanced travel powers (Fly, Superspeed, Superleap, Teleport), which would help them cross the zone quickly and safely.
 
Newbies could get access to low level travel powers (i.e. Hover, Recall Friend). Even though Hover was painfully slow (slower than walking, and who does that in an MMO) it was popular because it was the only safe way to get yourself across The Hollows. Recall Friend was also useful. It allowed you to teleport your teammates to a spot near you. If you could get to the entrance of the mission (without dying), you could safely bring your teammates to the mission. This saved time, since newbies would sometimes die multiple times when trying to get to missions.
 
Good samaritans would also offer to use Recall Friend to help newbies leave The Hollows. You would invite them to your team, they would teleport you to a spot near them (and they'd be near the zone entrance), and you'd safely leave.
 
On the day this occurred, I was playing my Warshade. Warshades were a prestige class, and they got one perk that set them apart at low levels ... Warshades got the Teleport power for free at level 1. I had also chosen the Recall Friend skill, since it's useful for helping teammates.
 
...
 
I was using Teleport to leave The Hollows one day, and I noticed something strange. Near the entrance, there was someone standing on top of the guard tower, and there were several heroes inside the guard tower. The person on top of the guard tower wasn't too strange. Newbies could hover to get to the roof of the guard tower. But it wasn't possible for people to run, jump or fly through the windows of the guard tower. They weren't big enough.
 
I watched for a few minutes until I figured out what was going on. The windows were big enough to teleport through. One person had used Hover to get to the roof of the guard tower. He then offered to team up with people and use Recall Friend to help them leave The Hollows. The inside of the guard tower was close enough to the roof for him to dump the newbies inside. Once they were there, he would disband from the team and they were stuck.
 
I snuck back out into The Hollows, and pretended like I needed a ride out. He used Recall Friend to dump me into the guard tower -but- as soon as I landed in the guard tower, I used Recall Friend to teleport him right next to me. He disbanded, then realized he was stuck inside with everyone else. I then invited all of his victims to team up with me. I used Teleport to get out of the guard tower, then used Recall Friend to get everyone else out too.
 
Except for the "hero" who had pulled the stunt. I left him there.

The team is heading off to the UK, despite the surveillance state, draconian laws, and the fact the entire country is secretly run by Druids.

Felix: It was more of an excuse to get out of town for a while. The number of gunslingers coming after you to prove themselves was getting annoying.
Inkubus: Were they female and hot?

Our metal Mage also has misgivings about the climate in Scotland.

Inkubus: You guys are so insistent on getting me one day to wear a shirt.

The team busy themselves getting ready - in Felix's case, the props and books and trivia he'll need to pass as a birdwatcher.

Inkubus: I'm heading down to DocWagon's to get my venereal shots. If you're going in as a bird watcher, and they ask 'are you own too?' I want to at 'sure, here's my papers.... You do call them birds over here, don't you?'.

Felix: What the hell is a Cosmic Mindf**ker?
Inkubus: I don't think there is such a thing.
Greenlight: Will you be quiet? I'm on the phone!
Inkubus: She'll think you're out with me with a comment like his.

But since it'll be a week until our fake Ids, visas, and tickets can be arranged, we accept the offer of a job in the mean time (more to the point the game was three players short, so the GM had to bring another scenario forward). Plus, a little extra pocket money for the trip will be nice.

The client wants to meet at a wildly stereotypical Japanese-themed club.

Inkubus: If the doormat starts sprouting haiku I'm out of here.

Greenlight: Hey, Bubbles - you know the difference between you and me? I had an alias picked out when we met.

The club serves wild-caught tuna.

Felix: Hang about, I want to run the mercury wand over this.

Client: Have you ever herd of the Policlub 'Association Paranobilis'?
Inkubus: Do I get to f**k with them? Do I get to f**k with them? Do I get to f**k with them?
Client's fixer: ...yes?
Inkubus: I used to be one of them. Elven lifestyle supremacists and wannabes. Riding around on swords and waving unicorns and that shit.

GM: They've been killing elves that don't live up to their standards of skipping through meadows singing.

The unidentified client wants us to assassinate a number of the APN leadership, and as many of the others as we can, with a bonus if we leave a certain letter with the bodies, and bring back the tips of their surgically altered ears. We decline to do the last - we'll kill them, but we won't mutilate them, even if they are arseholes. We have SOME standards.

The APN are certainly worth mockery and contempt - not least because of their eschewing of modern technology, and especially weaponry. Inkubus is more cautious.

Inkubus: Don't knock a bolas, that shit can f**k you up.

The APN is in the shadow of the Renraku arcology.

Felix: The place where the sun don't shine.

Felix check the letter we're supposed to read - it's the front page of that manuscript we stole from the publishers. That probably explains why we were hired for this job, but it doesn't pay in this business to be TOO inquisitive. Plus, we'll be out of the country when the shit hits the fan, hopefully.

Inkubus: Hold these.
Greenlight: A Mage with three guns?
Inkubus: Happiness is a warm gun.

Inkubus uses the Fashion spell to redesign his clothes to fit in to the Policlub.

Greenlight: I take back everything I said - you DID learn fashion sense after you left these arseholes.

Inkubus: I'm going to need help with this...
Felix: Is this where you quote more Beatles songs?

Inkubus: I have no problem with you calling these guys PEGs
Greenlight: The only elf slur I've heard is knife-ears and that just sounds badass.
Inkubus: They call them dandelion-eaters around here.
Greenlight: Never heard of it - and I've seen you put some weird stuff in your mouth.
Felix: Hey, dandelion leaf salad is bloody good, ok.
Greenlight: Alright, dandelion-eater.
Inkubus: Actually, he's right - his dandelion salad is really good - you should try it. And this is the perfect conversation to be having when we walk in

And indeed, that's what we do, walking in the door like we own the place, overwhelming the guards with Inkubus' silver tongue and knowledge of elven 'culture'.

GM: They're wearing studded armour and carrying swords.
Felix: And they're Lvl 20 bards, every one.

Greenlight: And Inkubus has to resist prancing around like Peter Pan.

Guard: Did you hear that, that guy was speaking Sparathiel!
Greenlight: 'I'm so freaking hard right now!'

Greenlight: These guys better not have made Tolkien an honorary elf.
Felix: Too late.
Inkubus: And all the banners are in Quenya. *headdesk*

Greenlight: You have to admit they take their LARPing seriously.
Inkubus: The only problem is people die.

Greenlight: What was the proper Elven name for Elrond's domain?
Inkubus: ....* Hisses* I wouldn't f**king know.

Greenlight: I'm sorry, but hippies don't kill people - this is a cult.
Inkubus: Tell it to Charles Manson

Our swing through the building is interrupted by a young elf girl, who apparently is allowed to wander the building, sleeping on couches, except when the Policlub can actually bother to notice her. We are righteously annoyed at this evident neglect, and plan to get her out of the building before we start shooting people in the face.

Felix: Your little brother is going to need a playmate.
Greenlight: My little brother could break someone's arm.... This is going to be such a f**ked-up family.
Inkubus: Who said you get to keep her? ... Actually you're right, I'd be a terrible father

Inkubus amuses the child with a summoned Watcher spirit. Tinkerbell from the movie in polished chrome instead of green, jet black hair, and lots of piercings.

GM: There's a little parking lot.
Greenlight: Do they have Flintstone cars?
GM: Bikes.
Greenlight: Heresy. I'm pretty sure Elrond's didn't have a bicycle.


GM: Part of the garage has been converted into a stable for at first glance appears to be a unicorn.
Greenlight: At first glance a donkey with a ice cream cone on it's head would pass.

GM: I don't even know why the girl is even in this module.
Felix: To make us feel guilty is we just blow up the building.
Greenlight: Seeing a girl running around on fire after we nuke the place WOULD be pretty dark, even for Shadowrun.

GM: You don't see many red-headed elves.
Inkubus: Praise be for the long Elven lifetime. I can afford to wait.
Greenlight: .... No. NO. Just f**king NO.

We return to the foyer to abuse the guards about the neglect of the girl, and threaten to come back and give a very harsh appraisal of the policlub's standards of proper elven behaviour.

GM: I hate it when I feel as guilty as the NPC

Guards: Audit? Audit? What's an audit? Oh f**k, they audit!? I know what we do to people we don't think are elven enough!

We drop the girl off at Titus'.

Greenlight: You know what a naga is? They're the coolest babysitters ever!
Inkubus: Just don't pull on his tail, they don't like that.

The child isn't stupid - certainly she's smarter than the guards - and she's already figured out we're actually hunting people. She does ask us not to kill the Woman in Red, since that one is occasionally kind to the girl, and has expressed misgiving about the policlub's various murders. Awkward, since she's one of the targets, but I'm sure we can come up with something.


Driving back to the APN to carry out the kills. Greenlight and Inkubus discuss a woman they've been calling the Bubblegum Orc.

Greenlight: That's what you call Distinctive Style. She's a perfect match for you.
Inkubus: You're right. I think I might actually be considering becoming a one-woman elf... Actual mono... Monog... Monog... Mon.
Greenlight: Monogamy.

The guards, as we hoped, have fled their posts ahead of their threatened audit. After that, it's easy for us to sneak through the building, magically disguised or invisible, silencers and gun-cams ready.

One of the bodyguards gets picked off while he's using the toilet facilities.

Felix: Is he targeting the Jar-Jar Binks urinal puck?

We find the Woman in Red asleep in her room. She is somewhat alarmed to find three gunbarrels prodding her in the head.

Greenlight: Hi. Twenty-first century calling.

Inkubus: You know why we're here. We're here to kill you. But you've been lucky - you have an advocate - someone who's asked us to spare your life. So, is it true? Are you against the killings? Because if it is we're going to give you a second chance.

She agrees (but who wouldn't, at this point) so Greenlight fakes a few bulletholes with her makeup kit, Felix shoots her with gel rounds so we have gun-cam proof of the hit, and we press on - we'll pick her up on the way out.

Inkubus and Greenlight also shoot somebody that attempts magic on them. Not because he was a magician, but because he was out of his gourd on Better Than Life chips and the two magic-users are personally affronted by this travesty.

Inkubus: I've done some bad things. My friend over there has done some bad things as well, but he's gone out of the way to do good things too, and his life isn't as f***ed up as mine.
Felix: Donated to the 'Save the Northwest Tree Octopus' fund.
Inkubus: Maybe there's something to this Karma thing.

Inkubus tries to summon a metal spirit to conceal our progress. Given this is a former fire station, maybe he can summon a fireman-slash-nude calendar model? He and Inkubus can compare pecs.

The spirit proves difficult to summon. Perhaps the way Inkubus wanted its aid against elven posers, and Inkubus is elven himself, was complicating things.

Greenlight: This firefighter is racist as f**k.

Inkubus: I'm picturing the Old Spice guy. 'Look at him. Now look at me. Sadly, I'm the elf you can't be. But you can smell like me.'

Magically shrouded by Old Spice Guy, we press on. Two of the Policlub members are enjoying themselves in the shower. This earns a thumbs up from Purrdence, in the Peanut Gallery. They're both male, earning two thumbs up.

We consider the scene for a while, before Greenlight advances. Inkubus hopes she isn't about to kill them both.

Inkubus: You want their last thought in life to be being cockblocked?

Instead, she uses the shock baton somewhere sensitive.

Inkubus: In a few years we're going to hear about an elf that used to be in a poser gang, who gets to the verge of orgasm and then needs his partner to hit him with a cattle prod.

GM: Roll dodge.
Greenlight: Dodge what?!?!

Inkubus: You know how hard it is -
Greenlight: I don't want to hear about how hard you are!

Inkubus: You're the first Shadowrunner I've heard of that's had to dodge an ejaculation.
Felix: I filmed it all with my phone XD
Greenlight: I'm tasering you next

GM: You have one remaining target - he's down in the basement.
Felix: The unicorn?
Greenlight: The unicorn was the mastermind the whole time!

We collect the Woman in Red and have the spirit expand its invisibility effect over all of us.

Felix: Otherwise there's be some very odd looks as her body floats past.
Greenlight: And they can't quite see us.
Felix: I suppose we could always do the Weekend at Bernie's thing with her.

Greenlight: He's probably sleeping with the unicorn - wouldn't put it past him.
Felix: Unicorn f**kers - new name for them.
Inkubus: For elf posers, anyway.

Job down, we head off to collect the rest of the money - only the one paypacket for this job. And, indeed, it's lacking the bonus bounty on ears.

Felix: If the client is annoyed about not getting the ears, I do have have film footage he might find amusing, anyway XD

Felix: You know, we may have just killed those wannabes on behalf of an actual elf supremacist.
Greenlight: Do you care?
Felix: Not particularly. The pay was good.