New Hero

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...
 

 
Well, I'll tell you one. Party, already paranoid, but not paranoid enough, peer cautiously around a corridor. At the far end, a sword is hanging in mid-air, glowing faintly. They withdraw to consult, decide it's some sort of ghost guardian, and elect to rush it en masse.
 
It's not a ghost. It's a gelatinous cube that ate a guy with a magic sword, earlier. Scratch half the party.
 
Ian's Pit Traps with Gelatinous Cubes are fun too.
 
"Hey, a soft landing! Hang about, why can't I move. Or talk? Oh, ****."
"Hang in there, we'll throw a line down to you! Grab the end! He's not grabbing the end. We're coming down for you!"

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...
 
A quick handful of quotes from teh Bunneh's Fantasy HERO campaign - Chronicles of Foxton.
 
---
 
Lady Isobelle Hawthorne: Noblewoman and duelist from neighboring Shelinsibeau appointed Captain of the Baron's Guard. Takes her responsibilities very seriously.
Quion Rake: Taciturn and emotionless (by choice) alchemist serving as records clerk to the Baron. Tortured by guilt over a perceived crime from the past.
Wythri Majaera: Young Elf exiled from her homeland of Pasion and working as an apprentice sage in Foxton. Slightly mad due to the influence of her Wild Magik.
Wallace Gunn: Humble and simple druid and woodsman hired on as the Baron's Forester. Slow-witted and uneducated but dedicated to his duty.
Bri Leith: Boisterous and rough-and-tumble taleweaver from the realm of Kalon across the southern bay. Takes the same fervor to both the battlefield and the bedroom.
 
---
 
Opening the session with the indomitable Captain Hawthorne making her way through the town...
GM: The sunrise creeps up over the horizon...
Quion (OOC): The sunrise has to creep because it noticed that Hawthorne is angry and it's scared.
 
It's the truth...
Bri: We don't just embrace crazy here - we buy it a drink and start french-kissing.
 
During a description of Lady Hawthorne's duties in town...
Hawthorne (OOC): Hawthorne keeps the peace.
Wythri (OOC): Yeah, and it's a .45 Colt.
 
Annoyed with Quion, Wythri drops him from the magical Mindlink...
Quion: I believe I've been unFriended.
 
Opening statement during an interrogation...
Hawthorne: Let me put you at ease. You cannot run fast enough.
 
Regarding one of the other players...
Quion (OOC): He's like a onion with feet.
 
During a discussion on Charisma/Presence and how much it relates to personality or just a nice set of bewbs...
Gunn (OOC): It's really just theoretical charisma versus practical charisma.
 
---
 
Enjoy!
 
Lonewalker

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...
 
Age of Mythology boardgame. With, for some reason, two Egypts in play. Naturally, we split this into Upper and Lower Egypt, and I promptly started a campaign to unify them. Bwahahaha.
 


Lower Egypt : Stop it or I'll sic my mummies on you
Upper Egypt : You're going to go complain to your mummy?
 
The Norse bemoan the lack of building resources.
 


Upper Egypt : He needs to get stoned. Or possibly his rocks off
 
Upper Egypt : I'm tempted to send my elephants down the river to stomp all over Lower Egypt
Lower Egypt : Greater Egypt, thank you, you inbred southern weirdo.
Upper Egypt : Definitely Lower, after my elephants have trampled all over you.
Lower Egypt : Greater!
Upper Egypt : Spread out over a Greater area maybe.
 
Lower Egypt : Don't call me fat
Upper Egypt : Yeah, call him flat, after the elephants have finished with him
Lower Egypt : ....damn zombie elephants...
 
One of my regular Cthulhu players, bemoaning AD&D's abundance of cloakers, mimics, carnivorous walls, floors and ceilings, man-eating trousers, etc.
 


Player : **** you, this is Dungeons & Dragons, not Dungeons & Furniture
 
Of course, he WAS talking to my brother, a GM of such evil genius he can - and has - wiped out parties with a stretch of featureless corridor.

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...
 

 
Man, I should be getting royalties from this!

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...
 
Late July, 1924 – In which the Mansion of Madness casts long shadows over the sanity of our investigators, not least of which is McGinty inviting an Eldritch Abomination to move into his house.
 
Some asides :


McGinty : Of course Julius likes tools. That’s why he hangs out with us.
 
Julius’s Player : The mosquitoes! They’re huge! I swear that one had Boeing stencilled on the side.
Rondale’s Player : Just look out for the one stencilled “Airbus”
 
Scattering in various directions after fleeing the mansion, carrying armfuls of mouldering books as they do so, McGinty and Rondale return to Arkham, bearing the unconscious Dr McPool with them. There, for reasons best known to himself, Rondale deposits the woman in one of the guest rooms, and locks her in. Naturally, upon waking in a strange house, after the events at the mansion, and hearing a horrible non-stop screaming from the walls, her first reaction is to try and escape out the window, failing utterly, and is found in the backyard with two broken ankles.
 
Understandably questioning Alicia’s sanity, McGinty bandages her up and moves her back into the ground floor of the house. Her apprehensions are hardly soothed by lengthy speculation about hidden doors, and heavily armed monkeys.
 


McGinty : *humouring the lunatic* Were you trying to fly?
Alicia : *glares* Not I was not trying to fly
McGinty : Were you trying to land?
 
GM : I’m picturing you opening the back of the truck and a horde of chimps with aviator’s helmets pouring out waving trench guns and revolvers.
McGinty : McGinty’s Monkey Army! I’ll teach them not to make me Governor! We’ll take the zoo first. Go, my pretties! Free your brothers, and arm them!
 
McGinty : Now, no more jumping out windows – doors are what you come in and out of.
 
The screaming only she can hear doesn’t stop. Rondale diagnoses tinnitus, caused by the storm of gunfire and explosions that ensued at the mansion. He’s completely wrong, but never mind.
 


Julius : It’s actually a tiny, tiny woman stuck in her inner ear hairs
GM : So where is the microscopic sub with the laser?
 
Come the dawn, McGinty and Rondale go about a normal day. This starts with dusting the entire house with corrosive sublimate bedbug powder, de-lousing the wolfhound, and checking the mosquito screens. McGinty has recalled the curse the hyena-werewolf thing laid on him a few years back, in the event he ever interfered with its plans. Breaking his leg with a voodoo doll probably counts. This is followed up with a few rounds of boxing practise with the teenaged burglar that McGinty hired to work at Rondale & McGinty’s Electrical & Automotive Repair. The lad is understandably apprehensive of entering the ring against McGinty.
 


McGinty : Don’t worry lad, you won’t last five minutes.
 
A significant amount of McGinty’s income comes from equipping and repairing the many vehicles bootleggers use for smuggling booze. One result of this is an increasingly large pile of car tires piling up alongside the building. His proposed solution is to buy the Arhkam Rubbish Tip.
 


GM : Ok, why?
McGinty : It’ll be a moneymaker. Privatise! Plus I’ll install an incinerator. That’ll get rid of the car tires. And other things.
GM : *facepalm* I should have seen that coming.
Rondale : Yes, yes you should have
GM : How many ways do you have to dispose of inconvenient corpses now?
McGinty : There’s that plot down at the cemetery; the tip; the vegetable garden...
Julius : And the advantage with the incinerator is if you throw in a few car tires no-one will notice the smell of roasting meat.
GM : And if you’re really desperate there’s that stone arch you have in the basement.
McGinty : Yeah! Although you have to be quick with that one. So you can shove the corpse through and close it again before the monsters come out.
Rondale : I can picture the scene – me holding the corpse, you ready to open the Gate – ‘Ok, on the count of three.. no, ON three... one.... two... THREE!’
GM : I’m more interested in how many things are gathering on the far side to take advantage of this regular supply of fresh meat.
 
McGinty furthers his political aspirations by meeting with various movers and shakers in Boston and Arkham. After one such meeting, he comes out to find a figure sitting in his Packard. Drawing a gun, McGinty sneaks up and demands an explanation, only to discover that he’s talking to a six-foot-tall white rabbit with waistcoat and fob-watch. Apparently its name is Harvey. McGinty thinks this is amusing enough to play along and the two drive up to Arkham enjoying a long chat about friendship, reciprocity, and the dark crystal McGinty took from the smoking corpse of Josephine Garsetti, after being hired to recover it by the late unlamented Ezekiel Crater. McGinty even offers to let the bunny stay at his house, thereby allowing an eldritch abomination access to this reality.
 
Rondale and Dr McPool don’t find the situation amusing, and they don’t even know about the abomination that’s installed itself in one of the upstairs bedrooms yet. They’re just alarmed that McGinty is talking to a six-foot-tall bunny that no-one else can see.
 


Rondale : Oh God, the alcohol has finally done for him, he’s got the D.T.s
McGinty : What are you talking about, he’s sitting right there!
Rondale : McGinty, there’s nothing there
McGinty : You’re a fooking looney
Rondale : Of course, we’re completely insane because we can’t see a six-foot-tall white rabbit named Harvey Wallbanger
 
Over the next few days Rondale despairs for McGinty’s sanity and ops to sleep across the road at the shop ( lucky for him ) and McGinty spends time at the classier local speakeasy to continue his politicking and talk the council into selling him the tip. Dr McPool cuts a rug on the dancefloor, despite being confined to a wheelchair.
 


McGinty : And this is Alicia McPool. As you can see I broke both her legs to stop her getting away.
 
Alicia and the rest are also concerned that McGinty flatly refuses to let anybody else even touch the crystal he acquired. According to one of the books they acquired, and Harvey, the crystal is the key to great power, and is the source of the sudden rush of power and charisma McGinty has been enjoying since he stole it.
 


GM : Yes, you certainly do seem to be very popular these days – you even have women wanting to fondle your stones.
McGinty : They’re always after me lucky charms.
 
McGinty, searching the house for Rondale, discovers the Thing that now occupies one of the bedrooms, and is understandably upset. Harvey placates him by pointing out that he and it are essential the same, that McGinty did invite him to stay, and that he only wants to be McGinty’s friend and teach him how best to use the powers of the Dark Stone. All he has to do is bathe it in the blood of the next person he kills, just like Garsetti and Crater used to do. McGinty in turn insists that his extradimensional houseguest move to the greenhouse, which it is compliant enough to do. It’s not like the outbuilding wasn’t already a deathtrap, anyway. Rondale comes around the corner of the house to witness half of the conversation McGinty has with the bunny only he can see or hear.
 


Rondale : So the greenhouse will have an eldritch abomination in it?
McGinty : Sounds like a plan!
Rondale : Where’s the rock, McGinty
McGinty : Er... in the safe in the greenhouse.
 
Rondale, now certain that this is not going to end well, elects to get Alicia the hell out of town, and try to get The Amazing Julius up here as quickly as possible. There were a few rituals in an ancient scrapbook they’d ‘acquired’ earlier that might be very useful here. At the very least it’ll take two people to hold McGinty down as they strap him into a straightjacket.
Rondale stops by Amy and Lucy’s flat in Boston en route to Alicia’s home.
 


Rondale : Hi Lucy... McGinty’s not here! Put down the bottle!
 
Meanwhile, McGinty goes about business as normal, despite regular advice from a spectral bunny. This business includes a visit from an obvious G-Man, nosing about after bootleggers, and clearly incredulous about the modifications to McGinty’s fearsome battletruck.
 


Undercover Prohibition Agent : What’s with the cow-catcher? And the whitewalled tires? And the hatch in the roof of the cabin?
McGinty : You ever been caught in a blizzard? The white-wall tires keep the snow off better. And the cow-catcher pushes the drifts out of the way. And if you DO end up in a snow-drift you can climb out the hatch and get out that way.
GM : .... you jammy git.
 
Guiliano manages to find a gap in his busy tour of the Tri-State area to drive overnight up to Arkham, bringing along one of his pre-prepared devices and his notes for the Seal of Solomon, apparently an extremely powerful version of the Elder Sign that will permanently bind an entity into a now indestructible item, as long as the entity is actually present, and only at massive cost to your soul, even assuming the spell works. The smaller box he’s bringing isn’t the only one he’s prepared in advance.
 


Julius : There’s that coffin in the basement! You know, the one with the plaque that says ‘Reserved for previous occupant’
 
McGinty attempts to justify his intention to bathe the stone in the lifeblood of his next victim.
 


McGinty : It’s hungry. It’s a fooking big rabbit. I tried carrots but it wants blood.
 
They do manage to persuade him to fetch the stone from the greenhouse, despite Harvey’s insistence that McGinty can’t trust them near it. With good reason, since despite McGinty’s armed refusal to hand it over, Guiliano had a hypnotic compulsion prepared to make sure that he did.
 
Guiliano attempts to flee, as Rondale attempts to hold down the now enraged McGinty, and both fail. Ignoring the intervening glass, the mad Irish bastard launches himself through the car window and pummels the Italian magician unconscious, but soon succumbs to a dastardly attack from behind by Rondale. Who then shoves Guiliano into the passenger seat and takes the wheel, fleeing town ahead of certain vengeance.
 


The Amazing Julius OOC : I can just picture a policeman coming down the street now – McGinty, stinking of booze, clutching his groin and rocking and hissing over and over “Don’t listen to the rabbit, don’t listen to the rabbit”
McGinty : Ooooh, me lucky charms!
 
Alas for Rondale and Guiliano, McGinty soon succumbs to the influence of the Thing ( for one thing the theft of the stone has left him spiritually gutted ), and guided by the voice in his head boards the battletruck and roars off in pursuit. Rondale is naturally horrified to see the view in the rear view mirror of the cow-catcher, and McGinty’s fury-twisted face peering over the top, bearing down on their vehicle at speed. Shaking the Italian awake and screaming at him to start the binding spell, Rondale attempts to stay ahead of the truck and fails, and is driving off the road, narrowly missing trees and rocks, and frantically arms himself as McGinty brings the truck around and lines up to ram them dead.
 
The first round of gunfire does nothing – McGinty armoured the truck for a reason – but the second takes out a wheel and leaves McGinty’s truck stuck in a ditch. That doesn’t stop McGinty, who is climbing out the hatch in the roof and heading into the back of the truck to fetch his machine gun, as Rondale desperately steels himself to murder a friend, and Guiliano completes the ritual and prays he has enough psychic ability to contest the will of an Abomination and survive the experience. Also, that the entity actually exists, and isn't just a product of McGinty's deranged imagination.
 
Happily for most of those concerned, he does. Although all three are utterly shaken by the experience, Guiliano needs to be hospitalised, and Rondale has to admit that an angry McGinty is the most terrifying enemy they’ve yet had to face.

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...
 
Nothing is wrong with Flight of the Valkyries...
 
Flying the night skies,
Flashing our white thighs,
Picking up dead guys,
This is our job...
 
Yes, this is our job....

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...
 
Heh. Nice one, Egyptoid. Rep ya if I could.
 
In our 'Rogue Trader' campaign, there is an NPC Inquisitor who is kind of a permanent passenger on our ship. Doesn't go out much - his main function seems to be to mess with the Rogue Trader's head, usually in the nicest possible ways. RT Player is a Good guy, but with very strong views about how ####ed up the WH40K Church is. So, his Character has .... somewhat .... radical leanings. Which, since he has an Inquisitor (and associates thereof) residing onboard, he has to moderate somewhat.
 
Then there is the small (5 women) Sisters of Battle contingent on board as well (headed by my Character). When riding in a vehicle or otherwise unoccupied, we often have sing-alongs.
 
Unfortunately, our music tends to bother some of the other PCs. Can't imagine why. Rousing tune (and just what is wrong with 'Flight Of The Valkyries'?) with nice simple lyrics (and what could be more uplifting than "Kill The Mutant. Kill The Mutant. Kill The Mutant. Kill The Mutant. Kill The Mutant. Kill The Mutant.. etc."). But people like the Navigator have a problem with Inspirational Hymns. Dunno why.

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...
 
Death-Watch Space Marines
 
we're on a mission to accompany an Inquisitor, with two goals:
 

A) to protect him & his henchmen, and
bring back at least two prisoners back alive for interrogation.

Later, We are attacked by hordes of hybrids led by a magos (Old Genestealer Cult)
 
most of the squad goes left, and assaults down a hall as a group: big messy fight.
 
my devastator marine goes right, and covers the other hallway with Metal-Storm
bolter fire (area effect ammo) on the last roll of the damage, the dice went open-ended three times.
the templates scored 122 points of damage each (~12 points can kill a man)
and then the GM asked me to roll another dice (got 5 degrees of success)
roll again he says. (another great success)
My weapon hed laid down five AoE templates, and then the GM lays down 6 more.
 
turns out Some troopers in the enemy horde were carrying satchel charges,
and in the tearing of the Metal Storm, the dead man switches went off prematurely.
 
All told, 65 people died in one round, 55 on the right side,
and the right hallway collapsed, cutting off the right side advance completely.
 
at this point, the Inquisitor bleeps me on my communicator:
reminding me "Remember, Brother, we do need prisoners."

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...
 
After some delay, and sans Amy, but with a new player and a reappearance by the infamous Lucy Smith.
 
Mansion of Madness, Part Deux
 
When last we met, McGinty & Rondale had dived from a second storey window, Amy, half stupefied herself, was dragging a shell-shocked sheriff out by his collar, and McGinty & Rondale were bleeding and battered as they ran around the house frantically firing incendiary rounds through every window. This is the point when they heard the screams for help from upstairs, and realised that they'd probably just left the man they'd come to rescue inside the house they just set on fire. Incidentally, making 5 counts of arson that the authorities can connect to McGinty. Not counting the ones they can't.
 


McGinty : That's just me arsin' about.
 
The Amazing Julius : I've got an Arts degree, thank you!
Me, GM : And a police record
 
McGinty : We don't have Molotov cocktails, we have Warmth Enhancers.
 
A rescue is enacted, and with the Sheriff catatonic and his deputy totally outclassed, they have no difficulty in putting everything down to the actions of the cult leader the Boston Police have been hunting down. Two mob goons that have been hanging around are extremely unhappy about all this police involvement, even though they're only there to give McGinty $2500 for another little errand he was commissioned to perform. But not, presumably, as unhappy as they were later when something tore them limb from limb on a lonely Pennsylvanian road, mere minutes after McGinty's fearsome battletruck almost drove them off it. Possibly it was the same thing that landed on the roof of the truck later, and ripped the gun hatch off the top of the cabin.
 
Safe driving practices
 


Me, GM : You're going to try to restrict McGinty's access to alcohol?
McGinty : I'd like to see you try
Rondale : I'll fight monsters, but I'm not going to fight you!
 
New character, Dr. Alicia McPool, a linguist at Radcliffe, and friend of Amy Wells and Lucy Smith. My wife, of course, instantly puts her notorious Smut Field back into action, with speculation as to why she was over at Lucy & Amy's apartment when the Boys rocked up.
 


Lucy OOC : Is she a cunning linguist?
 
McGinty et al don't make an overwhelmingly good impression on Dr. McPool on their arrival, as they deposit the catatonic Amy on her bed in Cambridge and prepare to head back up to Arkham to investigate the aftermath of the third robbery attempt ( the one McGinty hoped to thwart by rigging his house to explode ).
 


Rondale : At least he's dressed. He could have been wandering the streets drunk and naked.
Julius as McG : 'Wait... wait... I've got my underwear on... that means I'm awake.'
 
Alicia : *eavesdropping on the whispered conference between McGinty and his co-conspirators* Thing in the truck? What thing in the truck?
McGinty OOC : It's something new. Call a GPS
 
Once again, despite having done the police's job for them, and despite the trail of dead and mutilated bodies that turn up wherever he seems to go,. McGinty somehow turns this all to his advantage, and gets the police to hold yet another press conference in his honour. And announce his candidacy for Governor of Massachusetts. Alarmingly, his policies would seem to have high popular appeal. And he has a long list of people he can influence or blackmail to achieve it. They also run into another person they know, a flapper they met at a speakeasy a few nights before. Her friend has gone missing, after sneaking into the office of the owner on a dare. This is probably not good, but McGinty and friends nonetheless think it a better idea to spend the next few days Resurrecting Colonel Lancaster; being worried by the discovery that the third burglary attempt involved something flying in through a second storey wall and shrugging off 24 grenades with no obvious injury and the theft of the Voodoo Doll he'd used on the hyena-thing he had a grudge against; writing reports to ONI; recruiting political advisers; and buying a $20,000 Dusenberg J complete with custom hatbox.
 


McGinty : It's for Heady LaMarr there *jerks thumb at Lancaster's Braincase*
 
Whilst Rondale is on phone to Agent Landing at ONI
 


McGinty : Don't forget to say 'McGinty for Governor'
 
Alicia : *eyeing the damage to the truck* What did that? It almost looks like something tried to rip the roof off the cabin.
The Amazing Julius : Nepalese Attack Boar. There's been a rash of them.
Alicia : *prodding Lancaster's Braincase, which is wisely keeping schtuum* And what's this?
McGinty : That's... er.... Look! Squirrel!
Alicia : *long pause* You are a very odd man
 
Alicia like so many of the other investigators, has an interest in the occult. Unlike them, she's convinced that the more mainstream stuff actually works. They find this blackly hilarious.
 


The Amazing Julius : Why bother standing around a cauldron? THAT *points* tradition needs you to dance naked under the moon.
McGinty : Oh, yes, do that one, do that one! ... er, sorry.
 
All this time spent, and the missing flapper hopefully still alive ( well, she was alive ), the group truck up to the eponymous Mansion in the title. Whereupon scenes of such horror, filth, and degradation ensue that McGinty is persuaded NOT to take credit for this one, and they grab any books that look interesting and flee, before the police arrive to investigate the machine-gun fire, explosions, screaming, and the like. Alicia, alas, does not take the evening at all well, and the fortunately amnesiac Lancaster has to be dragged out. I do not envy the police when they arrive and discover the ghastly remains that have been left behind.

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...
 
More quotes from BunnySue's Chronicles of the Agency campaign.
 
---
 
The Agents:
 
The Patriot - Mild-mannered Army Captain Tom Jefferson transforms in the star-spangled powerhouse when he shouts the magic words, "By the Dawn's Early Light!"
Rocket Ranger - Aviator and inventor Brett Tucker uses his murdered uncle's advanced rocket pack and weapon gauntlets to protect the innocent.
Clubber - Folk musician Charlie Varens uses his superhuman strength and nigh-invulnerability to defend the common, working man.
Havoc - Mysterious Annabelle Leonard gained ghost and luck powers and gave up the thieving life to seek new, more worthwhile challenges.
The Mighty Huntress - A blood transfusion gives mousy librarian Elsie Ashby the ability to take on a half-tiger and all-woman feline form.
Nightwatch - Texas Ranger Jeb Kane utilizes his dark shadow powers to deal with kind of threats even Rangers cannot handle.
Artifact - World-traveling archaeologist Esther Rausch is determined to protect the unknowing public from dangerous magical devices that don't stay lost and uses some of those devices in her quest.
 
---
 
The Agents face down a Mummy guardian who hits them with a Presence attack totaling somewhere in the high 40's. Patriot is unlucky enough to be the first one it attacks...
Rocket Ranger: Remember, Patriot, these colors never run! These! Colors! Never! Run!
Patriot: They never run. They can stand here in a puddle of their own urine with a snot bubble up their nose...
 
Still rattled by the Mummy's Presence attack, Patriot's oratory skills are not up to their usual flash...
Patriot: Don't move another step, you fiend from another dimension...or world...or time...or whatever!
 
In the middle of the Mummy fight...
Patriot: I'm not thinking rationally.
Rocket Ranger: Do we ever think rationally?
Patriot: We're 1930's pulp heroes - what you do expect?
 
The Mighty Huntress tries her hand at some of Clubber's tactics...
Mighty Huntress: The best thing to hit a mummy with ... is his own arm!
Clubber: Actually, a leg is better. It's a heavier limb.
 
The Agents find themselves in an empty burial chamber...
GM: According to the scents, three people came into this room and six came out.
Mighty Huntress: That math doesn't make sense! It still doesn't make sense.
 
The Agents track down the evil cult in the midst of a resurrection ceremony. A number of goons take aim at Nightwatch...
Patriot: Don't shoot this man - he's from Texas. It'll make him mad!
 
The GM's damage dice hated Nightwatch...
GM: Wow - they're really mad at you or something.
Nightwatch (OOC): And that makes their bullets hit harder??
 
During a brief pause in the climatic battle, Patriot and Rocket Ranger discuss tactics against the horde of armed cultists...
Rocket Ranger: Y'know, I'm seriously thinking about using my flamethrower on these guys.
Patriot: Sure. Why not?
Rocket Ranger: That's been your question every time I consider one of my more destructive weapons.
Patriot: And you have yet to give me a satisfactory answer.
 
Havoc is too far away to use her Healing Power on the badly wounded Patriot...
Havoc: Could someone hike Patriot over to me?
 
Artifact takes control of the magic wand animating several mummies and orders them to attack the evil priests...
Rocket Ranger: Go, mummies! Wow - never thought I'd say that.
 
Artifact uses an enchanted blade to sever the soul of the resurrected dark priest...
GM: His scream is so horrible it will haunt your nightmares forever...
Patriot (OOC): After this adventure, it's going to need to stand in line!
 
Good advice in any setting...
Nightwatch: Important diplomatic note - do not walk up to the ancient Egyptian secret society and say 'Sup?'
 
Their mission in Egypt completed, the Agents return home to New York to meet with their commander - Agent Libby Belle...
GM: The duty watch tells you that Agent Belle is on the roof.
Havoc: Oh, no! I didn't think we did that badly!
 
During the debriefing with Agent Belle...
GM: Agent Belle is aware that you succeeded in your mission.
Rocket Ranger: How? We only just got back.
Patriot: Well, the world hasn't come to an end.
 
Patriot's mild-mannered alter ego tries to balance the books following the Egypt mission...
Tom Jefferson: You all saved your receipts, right?
Havoc: Yes, for everything that I actually bought.
 
At the session's cliffhanger ending, a vessel from outer space lands in New York. Stunningly beautiful women dressed in bikini tops, mini-skirts, and fish bowl helmets emerge...
Rocket Ranger: Bet you wish you hadn't worn spandex today, huh?
Patriot: Kind of regretting it, yes.
 
---
 
More in a few weeks.
 
Lonewalker

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...
 
Session Three of 1000 Suns Play Test
 
The cast:
Captain Douglas Reginald Archibald Grant
Count Akira den Ulrike
Jenni Phan
Esther Okavango
 
Captain Grant: "I can give you a detailed plan of the Captain's activities, down to the quarter hour."
GM: "Save that for your Star Trek fanfic."
Jenni: "Captain, do we have to take the Kobayashi Maru test again?"
 
"Granny Smith Mensa Bar"
 
GM: "In this game, space hears you scream."
 
GM (speaking as an NPC): "If UTI hears I talked to you... I'll be getting cyber knees."
 
Jenni: "Uh oh, Sparky... busted."
 
Esther (OOC): "Sometimes when a shipping agent and a kleptomaniac love each other very much...."
 
Jenni OOC explains some new gear: "If you press this button, it goes *ping*."
 
Captain Grant (OOC): "I've let my hair down and gone out for hookers and blow."

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...
 
More from the 1964 DC Origins campaign (although its about to be 1965 just any day now)
 
----------------
 
The League has weekly meetings. Superman has recently encountered a young woman calling herself "Supergirl", though in truth she is the daughter of the WW2 hero Commander Steel
 
Superman: Im going to be taking on a protege...
 
Green Arrow: How exactly do you plan to teach someone to do what you do!?
 
Batman: I wasnt aware that you had an apprentice position open.
 
-----------------
 
Batman (OOC): I am the dark, mysterious d*ck of the Justice League.
 
----------------
 
Superman: Bruce, youve spent all week working on the Isley case. Now you want to break into Lex Luthor's office? Dont you ever take time to relax?
 
Batman: Breaking into Luthor's office is how I relax.
 
------------------
 
GM: Superman shows up in the Batcave
 
Superman: .....S'up? ;P
 
GM: *cracks up*
 
----------------
 
Superman: Being devious and sneaky is part of your design, Bruce. Its really not a part of mine. *Indicates his costume* I made it as bright as I could.
 
-----------------
 
Perry White: JIMMY! Get in here! Do you KNOW who just called me?
 
Jimmy Olsen: *hesitantly* ...A....Am I supposed to?
 
------------------
 
Perry White: We need to get ahold of Superman!
 
Jimmy Olsen: I...dont know how to get ahold of Superman...
 
Perry White: Think of something! Throw Lois off a building!

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...
 
Dark Heresy - Several hundred human POWs holed up in a crater with a Rok full of Goff Orks just over the horizon, looking for a fight. Major Schott feels our best option is to deliberately attract the Ork's attention so they don't head off after the civilians. Happily, the terrain is slightly in our favour - a ravine runs through the crater rim, and would be a good chokepoint if the Orks attack.
 


Major Schott : So you'll be acting as the cork in the bottle
Guildenstern to Rosenkrantz : Hello, Cork
Rosenkrantz to Guildenstern : Hello, Bottle
 
Luckily, we form a good team to reassure the men that they will be well looked after.
 


Polonius : Rest assured, the Private here will take care of your physical life, I can guarantee your spiritual life, and Brother Guildenstern will deal with your death, should that become necessary.
Guildenstern : *Cocks pistol and looks around for deserters. *
 
Brother Guildenstern is actually looking forward to the fight. This is probably the brain damage talking
 


Guildenstern : I'm going to get me a pet Squig!
Polonius OOC: Is it entirely wise to have a pet smarter than you are?
Guildenstern : Sure is. I can dump it in your tent at night.
 
Less happily, all we have for armaments are Gretchin stubguns that we managed to wrest off the greenskins earlier. Thus, we are dispatched to beg assistance from a Void-born religious settlement off over the other horizon. Arrival at their landing platform -
 


Rosenkrantz : Nice pad
 
The architecture is typically black, gothic, and spiky.
 


Rosenkrantz : Reminds me of home. And band-aids.
 
GM : Can somebody check whether it would violate the Guild Code of Conduct if we roleplay through half-an-hour of flagellation in honour of the God-Emperor?
 
GM OOC : The ritual is conducted to hymns by the ancient Terran poet Devo
Polonius OOC : Whip it, whip it good.
 
Fears are raised about the fate of anybody captured by the Orks.
 


Polonius OOC : Save a bullet for yourself, Brother Guildenstern, we all know how pretty you are.
 
Cyborg Tech-Priest : I must return to my ritual duties *clanks off*
Rosenkrantz OOC : And I must dance the Robot *dances*
GM : *headdesk*
Rosenkrantz OOC : Did you really ever expect us to take this game seriously?
 
Some inspirational carols for the troops
 


Polonius : On the first day of Kringlemass, the Emperor gave to me, a knife with a very sharp blade
On the second day of Kringlemass, the Emperor gave to me, two autoguns, and a knife with a very sharp blade
On the third day of Kringlemass, the Emperor gave to me, three heavy stubbers, two autoguns, and a knife with a very sharp blade
Rosenkrantz : Yes yes, Brother Polonius, there are people dying on the front here
Polonius : Fiiiiive frag grenaaaaades
 
Major Schott : This is going to be like the Battle of Stalingrad
Rosenkrantz : *looks blank* Stalingrad?
Polonius : Isn't that that agri-world on the far side of the Damocles Gulf?
Major Schott : No, no, Stalingrad was on Holy Terra
Polonius : During the Age of Apostasy?
Major Schott : No, this was back in the Second Millennium
Rosenkrantz : *boggles* Did they even have guns back then?
Polonius : Of course they did Private Rosenkrantz, the Emperor would have taught them. The Emperor has always been with us.
GM : I just gave Stalingrad as an example, OK? The Imperium can probably give us thousands of examples just as bad.
Polonius OOC : We know. We're just taking the piss
 
Brother Guildenstern inspires the troops and some rocks, by shouting at them and waving a gun.
 


Guildenstern : You will hold the line! You are all either troopers or sandbags!
 
GM : The rebreather masks also have visors
Polonius OOC : 'Aren't you a little short for a stormtrooper?'
Guildenstern OOC : 'Well you can just stay here, bitch'
 
GM : Most of the troops still only have improvised weapons, such as rocks and crowbars
Rosenkrantz : If it's good enough for Saint Gordon Freeman, it's good enough for you

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...
 
Call of Cthulhu, opening the year with a bang. In which the players shoot a house and set fire to an enemy, and the opening salvos in an intercontinental magical war between Vitus of Clan Scorpion and McGinty of Clan Mad Irish Bastard.
 
June 1924 - First half of Fred Behrendt's Mansion of Madness from Mansions of Madness. In which a collector of some really creepy paintings has gone missing, and they volunteer to track him down. It'll get Lancaster out of the house, for one thing, even though he's still just a brain in a jar.
 
Elsewhere, Agent Landing of the Office of Naval Intelligence has put together a brief file regarding one Jackson Elias, occult writer. According to the investigator's pet spook, he's just arrived in Nairobi, and has a subject for a new book in mind - apparently not all the members of the infamously ill-fated Carlyle Expedition are dead! And according to Elias it looks like a cult was involved!
 
Despite the difficulty of running your business when you're a head in a jar, word HAS reached Lancaster, via the rare book network, of an odd development in the trade. Somebody in Cairo is sending out standing orders for any rare or unique Arabic texts on Astronomy & Magic they can get hold of. And they're willing to pay a premium.
 
And McGinty also received word that somebody broke into his farmhouse/Warehouse 23 in Charing Cross. The burglars searched the house top to bottom but they weren't caught, alas. Nor did the the neighbours get a good description of them. By an odd co-incidence somebody bearing an exact resemblance to the minion used by the hyena-headed werewolf-thing that repeatedly kicked McGinty testicles up into his abdominal cavity, a few years back, came sniffing around Rondale & McGinty's Automotive & Electrical Repair shop whilst McGinty was out. They were apparently attempting to track down and purchase a unique Arabic text on Astronomy, Maths, and Magic he for some reason thought McGinty had acquired.
 
One thing McGinty has acquired - or at least acquired legally, with actual money and receipts changing hands - is a funeral plot.
 


McGinty : In case I need somewhere to hide a body in a hurry
GM : *headdesk* I'm sure you'll have no trouble finding someone to fill it.
 
He also blows $1400 on an apartment in Arkham for his friend Kelley and his vampire sibling Hal. And lets them stay there rent free. Thus turning a large pile of stolen gang cash into a tax write-off for himself.
 


GM : How does he keep doing this? He does things that at first glance seem outright insane, and they all turn out to be brilliant ideas.
Lancaster's player : He's a Drunken Master of life.
 
Back in Massachusetts it's good to know that the Boston Police are good for something - they've just broken up an occult group that was planning a human sacrifice! Too late for the victim, alas. Two of the members were taken alive by the police, but the leader apparently got away. In other occult news, Mina "Margery" Crandon, wife of a wealthy Boston surgeon and socialite, Dr. Le Roi Goddard Crandon was submitted as a candidate to Scientific American magazine, as a medium who could demonstrate telekinetic ability under scientific controls. Her séance circles include luminary members of the Boston upper class and Ivy League elite. Sir Arthur Conan Doyle gave her significant credibility. She's became so popular that her prayers are read by the US Army. And Committee Secretary Malcolm Bird has leaked to the press that the Committee are leaning toward a positive vote - it looks like she's the real McCoy!
 


GM : McGi... Lancaster's Brain. I was about to say McGinty's Brain... but what brain would that be?
 
Rondale : I don't have any problems with my sister dating, I just don't want her dating any occult types or anybody remotely connected to the Mafia.
GM : So Irish gangsters, Jewish gangsters, Yakuza, Triads, and the Union Corse would all be fine?
 
Threatening to tell Lancaster's daughter everything that's happened to him if he doesn't agree to be sawn open like a tin of beans, reduced to calcined powder, and reconstituted as a probable vampire.
 


McGinty : *holds up Lancaster's jar* This is your father's brain. *holds on his head like a hat and dances around* This is your father's brain on McGinty
 
GM : What about your late brother, Amy?
McGinty : I could bring him back for you.
Amy : No! Just no!
McGinty : Not even to ask his ghost if he's happy?
Amy : No!!! I just hope he isn't lingering, that's he's gone to wherever people finally go when they die!
GM : I suspect he means he could bring your brother's ghost back whether it wants to or not
Amy : Oh god! *hugs knees and shakes*
Rondale : McGinty, let's not violate natural order today, ok?
Amy Wells : But McGinty casting any spells whilst sober is against the nature order!
 
To the considerable shock of the Detective Sergeant that's been handling both the kidnapping and the the cult cases, McGinty and company soon make significant breakthroughs in both, AND correctly identify the informant the police has been protecting with a false name. All this and still find time to play Lancaster's canister like the bongos. And are promised $2500 by seriously ill mob boss Zeke the Geek Crater if they can track down and return a stolen crystal carving.
 


GM : And having just expertly milked you of everything you know of the case without saying more then ten words, Crater continues.
 
Rondale : What's the difference between crazy & eccentric?
GM : About $20,000 a year
 
Lancaster's Brain usually occupies a hatbox on long-distance travel.
 


Rondale : It's got a lock on it.
Lancaster : It's the only hatbox in America with chains.
 
Lancaster OOC : Oh god, I asked her prop me up on the dashboard. I'm the first bobble-head in history.
 
Amy : Let's just get Lancaster's Resurrection over with, shall we???
GM : You really want to risk him coming back as a vampire, like Hal?
Amy : ... that may have been an accident....
 
On Star Trek sanitary facilities
 


Amy's player : The Enterprise plans show hundreds of crew... and one toilet.
Rondale's player : I guess the queue must get pretty long sometimes.
GM : Nah, after some of the things Kirk puts the ship through they just need the laundry
Amy player : Still it's better off than the Klingon ships. They have none.
McGinty's player : Guess that's why they call them Klingons
Everybody else : *facepalm*
 
Lancaster's player : No wonder they're so mean-tempered. They've been holding on since they left the homeworld.
 
Watching McGinty smoothly pretending to be a normal concerned citizen when somebody breaks into the Arkham house they've been illegally occupying.
 


GM : I still can't understand how, with all the things he does, he still manages to maintain a Credit Rating in the high 70s. It must his Irish charm. Or whenever people get near him they suffer catastrophic brain damage from the alcohol fumes.
 
Whoever broke into Bernie's old place ( or what WAS Bernie's place before McGinty frightened him into fleeing the country ) apparently searched it from top to bottom, finding one of the secret room... and punching a heavy steel door out of it's frame. McGinty leaps to the conclusion that it must have been the hyena-thing and his human minion, and digs out the voodoo doll that featured so horribly in the New York case. On the other side of the world, Vitus's leg suddenly breaks. Happily for Vitus, it's the work of moments to figure out where the attack originated ( yet another 01 roll! I must be getting two or three of these a session the last few games!) and dispatch a response in kind. Less happily, McGinty has had time to rig the saferoom with a crateful of grenades, whilst he himself heads back down to Boston and anticipates a phonecall from the police about his house exploding.
 
Amy and Lancaster's Brain have been having their own problems. Such a rather alarming thing that's been knocking on her apartment door. And third-storey windows, trying to get in.
 
The Thing is less than clear-spoken about its nature or mission.
 


McGinty : Hey! You! Where's Keetling!
Thing : Where the wish is father to the thought.
McGinty : An address would be nice
 
Rondale : Right! Let's go!
McGinty : t' wot?
Rondale : Muskrat Falls
McGinty : t' wot?
Rondale : In Pennsylvania!
McGinty : t' wot?
GM : You're just calling him that deliberately, aren't you?
 
But once interstate things start going slightly awry. For one thing Rondale empties a dragon's breath shotgun round into an unarmed woman as soon as he sees her. In front of a Sheriff. And then uses a normal round to blow a doorlock off and kick his way in. Which is when the room beyond unfolds into infinite space and impossible light poured down on them from above.
 
The session closed with Lancaster's view from the dashboard of the truck - McGinty & Rondale diving from a second storey window, Amy dragging a stupefied sheriff out the door by his collar, and McGinty & Rondale ignoring their injuries as they run around the house frantically firing incendiary rounds through every window....
 
For Fans Of The Foul Tempered Gnoll, a new tag - Sic Vitus Est. Revisit all your favourite stories about one of the Guild's more memorable utter bastards.

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...
 
The heroes are receiving their mail. As a replacement team, none of them are particularly famous.
 
Siafu: Oh! I got a fan letter! (reads) "Dear Siafu, Our teacher said we have to write a letter to our favorite superhero. I don't have a favorite superhero, so I threw a dart at a national list and I got you..."
 
A rather creepy necromantic villain has developed an obsession with the team leader. Also in the mail came a large wooden box. There's no return address, and the label reads "every woman deserves flowers and a puppy."
Beater: All right, I'd like everyone to take a step back. You don't all have to see this.
Heavy Metal: (slow on the uptake) Wait -- Shouldn't that box have holes in it?

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...
 
Kingmaker Campaign in Pathfinder:
 
The dwarf cleric is the team diplomat, who attempts to calm a witch.
aided by the half-elf bard and the druid, The Bard and druid both roll Nat.20s on their helper
checks, but the dwarfs diplomacy roll is a natural 1.
The diplomacy fails, but at least the witch was not angered.
Moral of Story: never send a Dwarf to do an Elf's job.
 
 
We're building up our town in the Pathfinder system.
We had a castle, so First of course after that
was built the tavern, brewery and brothel.
We're trying to force the DM to prove to
us that you can't run a country on an Ale & Whores economic model.
 
 
Later the dwarf drunkenly reminds us that the portraying of his
people as lushes is an unfortunate and uncalled-for stereotype.
 
 
We got the nearby Kobold chieftain to join our side,
and in fact hired him as our assassin, thus giving him
a minor seat on our ruling council. The downside to this is
that now our brothel maintains a small contingent
of Kobold Hookers in case he's in a mood.
 
 
GM: the Plant-Monster has swallowed the Druid whole,
Bard it is your phase...
Bard: What else can I do? I drop the mother of all F-Bombs. @
 
 
Again we try to cajole the witch. We brought her a gift.
It was a Cauldron-2OOO, plus with the Brew-Master option kit,
and other accessories.
 
 
Our city is called the Barony of Tusk-Water.
Our heraldry has a razor-back on it.
Dwarf: what's the name of our place again?
Druid: Hogwart's
Bard: Boar's Head Tavern.
Wizard: Pig-Sty.
GM: Sigh.
 
 
An evil sneaky Treant was supposed to wreak havoc on us PCs.
Character cast detect plants. so we zeroed in on it with Druidic Gaydar.
Then to really tick off the DM, the sorceror got a critical hit with a ray,
and one-shotted the big beast, even before it could step out of hiding.

 
The GM notes that cantankerous Lizard-Men tribe are not simply barbaric cannibals,
since they do not eat reptilian people.
 
 
For a battle, the fighter goes down the line of PCs to receive his buffing up:
The players roleplayed this a tiny bit by getting the fighter's player attention,
raising their hand to him, and telling him what spell they just cast,
as he relinquishes his saving throw.
Cleric: Shield Other.
Fighter: Thanks.
Wizard: Bull Strength
Fighter: Thanks.
Druid: Barkskin.
Fighter: Thanks.
Sorceror:Cat's Grace
Fighter: Thanks.
Bard: Daze.
Fighter:
 
 
 
Note @: actually the Bard did more than nothing, he lassoed the Druid's foot,
thus making his recovery possible.
Also, Daze only lasts one phase, so the effects was just a joke.

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...
 

 
Actually in this case the Smut-field had been spiked. The good Doctor had been warned to keep the smut to a minimum this week, after the incessant tea-bagging, fishy fishy, and McGinty's Giant Wang comments from the week before. The result? I start describing the vandalized bibles and they ask me what's been graffiti-ed over them. And Rondale's player - the one that asked us to stop it, pipes up with 'Wang'
 
I did of course chastise him about it, and he buried his face in his hands and cried "I know! I just couldn't help it!"

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...
 
Some quotes from Sunday's D&D 3.5 game. And I'll start by apologizing in advance to anyone here from Tennessee:
 
Il'Marcum (OOC): If a couple in Tennessee get divorced, are they still brother and sister?
 
The prior session, we were tracking down Teva, who is our rogue Devlyn's former teacher. Teva had information sought by big-bad-evil necromancer Cinedra, whose underlings kidnapped Teva and transformed her first into a horse, and then into a saddle. We stole the saddle while it was enroute to Cinedra, but got spotted. Also, we found out what Teva knew and an angry Devlyn only allowed us to reverse the latter transformation, so Teva is still a horse.
 
The party is now in Coven, attending a festival, when Cinedra shows up and begins questioning our party members individually, starting with Il'Marcum.
 
Cinedra: Why would you concern yourself with a 2-bit thief?
Il'Marcum: ... Devlyn?
 
Best without context:
Leila: Is his dog as big as my dog?
 
Later that evening, Cinedra shows up at Leila's birthday party dinner at a fancy restaurant.
 
Aren (patting the wall behind him and speaking to waiter): This isn't a load-bearing wall, is it?
 
Il'Marcum (to Leila): Embrace the fear.
 
Yllek (to Cinedra): So, raise anybody interesting lately?
 
Ryan has been trying to recruit teammates into his employ for when his father steps aside and Ryan becomes the next baron.
 
Il'Marcum: You're trusting Devlyn and I, aren't you?
Ryan: You're just looking for "Grand Vizier," aren't you?
 
Last time we saw Cinedra, she had dozens of face- and body-piercings. But now she looks very different...
 
Cinedra: No piercings. It was a phase.
Yllek (OOC): She got enough XP to buy off all the OIFs. (pause) Oh, wait, wrong game.
 
Cinedra: I thought Teva would have an ounce of decency, but no...
Ryan: Well, she can give pony rides.
 
GM: ... unless you guys are asking for trouble."
Il'Marcum: I'd like 2 orders of trouble, please!

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...
 
In Cthulhu, some proud moments for me as a Keeper. Including Investigators refusing to read clues because they don't want to know what's going on, and two of them chanting "I disbelieve! I disbelieve!" in the vain hope that will work. This session was recorded by Pastor Joe's player, Mark, but there's no way in hell I'm going to release it to the general public. Partly because the players were somewhat out of control without the moderating influence of Ratfan and Purrdence ( and imagine a session where Purrdence is a moderating influence!), partly because the session began a playtest of Pelgrane Press's Cthulhu Apocalypse, but mostly because listening to my own voice in playback was a mortifying experience.
 
At least I can transcribe dialogue at my leisure.
 
But as usual, it's the downtime between sessions that provides some of the best lines. Such as double-checking which spells party members have actually learned.

Me, to McGinty's player : I'm already worried by what McGinty might do when he finally snaps. Dispatch a Star Vampire to assassinate the Pope, perhaps. To my considerable and unprintable alarm, McGinty's repertoire now includes both Summon/Bind Star Vampire, and Brew Space Mead, which makes Interstellar monster-assisted flight survivable by putting the imbiber into suspended animation.

McGinty OOC : Woohoo!!!! First Irishman in Space! No-one can take the sky from me! I'll plant the Irish flag on the moon!
Me, GM : 'I claim this satellite in the name of Belfast!' Anticipating the consequences of the Irish Space Program

Prof. Engeleins : The Irish are leaving the planet - at last we can build Utopia.
 
McGinty : How far away is the Sun?
Me, GM : Why, are you planning on being the first Irishman there, too?
McGinty : ... We'll be fine, we'll travel at night. The first Irish Interstellar Voyage

All : Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?
McGinty : If you don't shut up back there I'm turning this thing around!
 
McGinty : Somebody open a window so Growler can stick his head out
Growler : *explodes in the vacuum*
Me, GM : Thank goodness for Space Mead is all I can say Further discussion reveals just how many options the party has in the event they're too late to rescue poor Lancaster.

Pvt. Rondale : McGinty here invented classic gangsterism ten years early. He's got a tommygun in a violin case in one hand...
McGinty : And a trumpet case in the other!
Me, GM : ... And the trumpet raises the dead.
McGinty : I'm a one-man marching band!
 
Me, GM : You'd think that after the incident with the chicken lunch, the party would steer well clear of fowl necromancy.
 
Me, GM : If you're serious about getting into Lucy's knickers I'd recommend plying her with absinthe, if it hadn't been banned 13 years earlier. It has quite a reputation as an aphrodisiac. It might be the wormwood oil, it might be the fact it's 180° proof, but it's apparently true what they say - absinthe makes the tart grow fonder.
All : *dead silence*
Me, GM : ...aw...
Engeleins' player : *slow clap*
Rondale's player : Well. Done. Drhoz. How Droll.
Pastor Joe's player : I heard it, I appreciated it!
Rondale's player : Oh, I heard it. I just didn't appreciate it.
Colonel Lancaster, carted off into the black Vermont skies by hideous arthropoid things. Lucy & Amy run ahead to the waiting vehicles, to get the missing reporter and themselves to safely.

McGinty : Hang... *rolls dice* Yes, I physically piss myself laughing at the thought of Lucy driving anywhere.
Me, GM : McGinty has apparently gone into hysterics again
Pastor Joe : ... and wet himself
Prof. Engeleins : *slaps McGinty*
McGinty : Where the fook did that come from? *slaps the Professor back*
Pvt. Rondale : *intervenes. squabbling ensues*
Me, GM : *turning to Lancaster* Aren't you glad these people are coming to rescue you.
 
Me, GM : So, Pastor Joe, what are you going to do whilst these three go through their Three Stooges routine?
McGinty, Rondale, Engeleins OOC : Woo-woo-woo-woo-woo! Nyuk! Nyuk! Why I oughta...
 
Pastor Joe OOC : I'm probably still terrified - this is the first unearthly thing I've ever encountered.
McGinty : Aw padre, don't you worry about it, it's just fooking big crayfish
Me, GM : Flying crayfish
Pastor Joe : Flying glowing crayfish
Pvt. Rondale : So, easier to hit?
McGinty : It's all to do with the French. You can't trust the bastards. They're doing stuff to the fooking crayfish now.
All : *long pause as we consider this statement and McGinty's previous blaming of all the world's ills on, variously, the English, the Catholics, the Satanists, and fishmen cults.*
Pastor Joe : Riiiiiight. The end result of McGinty's megalomania and paranoia.

Col. Lancaster OOC : Oh that's just wonderful. After you've wiped out the English, the French, and the Germans, what have we got left? The Irish and the Scots.
McGinty OOC : *pauses. Then picks a fight with himself*
 
Me, GM : The things have landed on a ledge, and pin your limbs before dragging you into a sort of cave
Pvt. Rondale player : Thank god this is not an anime
Col. Lancaster OOC : 'I'm not comfortable being grabbed there!'
Prof. Engeleins' player : You're confusing anime with hentai, and hentai with yaoi... If they give you a sex change it could be yuri.
Col. Lancaster's player : *rolls dice* woohoo!
Pvt. Rondale's player : Was that a sex change roll?
Col. Lancaster's player : Yes! Lancaster tries to bluff his way out.

Col. Lancaster : By the power vested in me by the King himself and the Greater British Empire I hearby order you to return to the nearest parallel dimension of convenience! And elsewhere the party disregards McGinty's warnings about dimensional engineering.

Me, GM : [The Pastor] just vanished into thin air before your eyes.
McGinty : I told ya! I fooking TOLD ya! Nobody listens to the drunk Irishman!
Col. Lancaster OOC : Nobody listens to the drunk Irishman? For fooking good reason! The only that's worse than a drunk Irishman is a sober Irishman!
 
Col. Lancaster OOC : I just love how [McGinty] keeps asking which button it was, when it's been said there's one button. 'WHICH BUTTON IS IT?'
The Peanut Gallery : 'I'll give you six bucks if you shut up'
McGinty OOC : He hasn't got any money, he's being held down by giant crawdads
Pastor Joe OOC : Space Crawdads
McGinty OOC : No, it's a fooking buffet. Six claws and six wings on each, it's fooking grand. Which gives us various recipes for Mi-Go barbecue

McGinty OOC : What do we do with these glowing head things?
Pastor Joe OOC : Nah, it's great, you don't need lights or anythin', 'cause the heids still 'lluminated
 
Pvt. Rondale : Do you know how to use a tommygun?
Pastor Joe : No...*takes gun* but I'm willing to learn.
 
Me, GM : The only noise is the hum and susurration of the machines. There's no screaming, no cursing, no English accent demanding to speak to the Ambassador
Pastor Joe : We've got two choices...
Prof. Engeleins : We follow the drag marks
Pastor Joe : Sure, let's go!
Prof. Engeleins : German efficiency
 
Me, GM : When you sneak up to the bend in the tunnel and peer around into the sickly yellow-green glow, you can see a chamber - not as large as the last, and with fewer machines, if that's what they were. There's also a raised slab of grey, polished stone. It looks a bit like an altar. Lancaster's body is lying face-up on it, and three of the crayfish things are crowded around one end - where it looks like they've gnawed off the top of his head. One is busy scraping the last bits of flesh out of the cavity.
Prof. Engeleins : *screams and hoses the room with a looted Mist Projector* Mein Gott! Estanglatten liegenstatten! Nein! Nein! Nein! Further hysteria -

Me, GM : There's an assortment of curious tools, or possibly holy sacrificial knives, laid out around the remains. One of them resembles a large ice-cream scoop.
Pastor Joe : Are there any weapons?
Me, GM : Well, there's the ice-cream scoop.
 
Me, GM : *To Lancaster's Brain* All you can see is is these three, moving back and forth. And it's all grey. Perhaps it's moonlight, or you were hit in the head. But you can't turn your head.
Col. Lancaster's Brain : *flat mechanical voice from the speaker rig* Why. Can't. I. Move. My. Head.
Prof. Engeleins : You're in a jar, my friend.
All : *pause*
Pvt. Rondale : You could have said it a little bit nicely, but then again -
Prof. Engeleins : I don't think there's a nice way to say it.
Pastor Joe : And he did say 'my friend'.
Prof. Engeleins : You're a brain in a jar. And by the way now is a good time to talk about my outstanding debt at your antique shop.
Col. Lancaster's Brain : I. Know. I Am In. A Jam. Wait. Jar?
Prof. Engeleins : Yes, they scooped out your gooey gooey bits and put them in a jar. It's quite humorous.
 
Prof. Engeleins : I'm moving the rig around, without showing him his body, until he can get a good straight-on view of the hole
Me, GM : Are you really doing that?
Pastor Joe OOC : He's German, what do you expect?
Prof. Engeleins : Schadenfreude
Col. Lancaster's Brain : Where. Are. You. Taking Me? Why Can't. I. Feel. My. Legs?
Pvt. Rondale : Don't worry, I can feel them, they're fine.
Prof. Engeleins : Are you sure you want to see your body?
Col. Lancaster's Brain : Yes.
Prof. Engeleins : Are you reeeeeaaaally sure you want to see your body?
Col. Lancaster's Brain : Yes.
Prof. Engeleins : Are you going to erase my debt at your shop?
 
Pvt. Rondale's player : He lost ten points of sanity, he's a brain in a jar... and he's still the most sane of us???
 
Col. Lancaster's Brain : *Is shown his remains - assorted choking noises* If... If We've. Got All. The Bits. I'll Be. OK!
 
Prof. Engeleins : *Finds the Colonel's bloody and snap-frozen scalp and skullbones and props them at a jaunty angle on top of Lancaster's jar.*
Col. Lancaster's Brain OOC : So I have a literal skullcap.
Pastor Joe OOC : You're might be a brain in a jar but at least you have a hairstyle At this point I lead them into the actual playtest. Which reduces most of the party to utter bafflement, confusion, and shock, despite their disturbingly high genre-savvyness, correctly predicting half the plot without realising it, and ongoing totally wrong guesses about what's really going on that they'll soon be regretting very much indeed.

Prof. Engeleins : *shouting hysterically* Everything's wrong! We have to get Lancaster's brain back out of his head!
Pastor Joe : We can't, we don't have the jar!
Prof. Engeleins : *almost in tears* I don't care!
 
Col. Lancaster's Player : I'm sorry, but the best thing about this sequence is that Paddy has been unconscious - FOR ELEVEN YEARS
 
Me, GM : There's two dead men - both of them frothing at the mouth.
McGinty : I've seen that. That's the crazy person look.
Pastor Joe : *chokes on laughter* Yeah, you should know it...
 
Weldun, coming in to see what was keeping Lancaster's Player : How long does it take to get killed?
Col. Lancaster's Player : A long time, apparently. He was a brain in a jar, and that didn't stop him.

Pastor Joe : Do they usually have earthquakes in England?
McGinty : No! That's the fooking problem! Otherwise the whole place would have disappeared under the waves! Finding a tearful survivor

Survivor : Have you come to help?
Prof. Engeleins : Sure, why not?
 
Prof. Engeleins : Ma'am, do you drink?
Survivor : .....socially...
Prof. Engeleins : I drink socially. Also unsocially and antisocially. Updating Lancaster

Prof. Engeleins : The entire city is dead
Me, GM : They did find two survivors though. And killed half of them.
 
Prof. Engeleins OOC : We have a tank full of alcohol and guns... And we have a woman!
Me, GM : Oh God. British Road Warriors. 'Eccentric Max'
Pvt. Rondale's Player : This is the best campaign ever!
An Englishman, an Irishman & a German walk into a bar. But only to loot the place of anything potable. The group swiftly descend to further looting, defenestration, arson, and other mayhem. Possibly because they're still half-convinced all of this has to be some sort of shared hallucination

Me, GM : I think we've proven that Lovecraft was right when he wrote that civilisation is a thin veneer over -
Pastor Joe's player : Comedy?
Me, GM : Insanity. Have we fled into a new Dark Age? I say yes! Rondale does a stocktake on the increasingly crowded armoured car.

Pvt. Rondale : So we have two dogs, two Irishman, and a zombie colonel...
Prof. Engeleins OOC : That's no way to talk about the Colonel's daughter! Lancaster is losing it.

McGinty : Why is he talking into a fooking pistol?
Pvt. Rondale's : It's the only thing that understands him.
McGinty : Then why doesn't he stick it in his mouth and talk even closer?
 
Me, GM : Around the hull the water is thick. White. Gelid with seeds.
McGinty : ...That's the problem with seamen
Me, GM : *facedesk*
Prof. Engeleins' player : You didn't see that coming?
Me, GM : I should have seen that coming.
Pvt. Rondale's Player : That's what she said! And that's where I'll leave it for now. Apart from three minutes of dead air where I'd left the room and the buggers all ran out of the building to see how I'd react to having no players when I came back. We're only halfway into the tape! But much more would give too much of the Cthulhu Apocalypse plot away and we aren't even at the end of the first chapter yet...

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...
 
In our last episode, the PCs had decided to camp out at the suspect's house for the night, since they were suddenly nervous about walking four miles back to town as it got dark. Especially since they had no idea what the 'new friends' he'd been working for were. Although somebody back in town had mentioned giant crawdads. There was one moment when Lancaster's player bounced upright off his seat because, I suspect, he was alarmed by the possibility they'd be running into Vitus again. But I wouldn't be that mean to my players. Usually.
 
They did have to subdue their captive a few times. But since it was Lancaster doing the subduing, and that gentlemen is infamously poor at fisticuffs (despite having somehow punched him out a short while previously ) ...


Me, GM : "How much damage?"
Col. Lancaster : "I don't know! I don't want to roll it!" That was the same player who facepalmed and said "Oh god" when the first emissary turned up and started buzzing, because now half the players did know what they were up against, and were very unhappy about it.
 
The first arguments began after that whisperer in darkness was blown apart. Half the party immediately wanted to run for it, but the rest were too afraid they'd be picked off one by one in the forest. So they barricaded the place and hoped like hell the thing's friends wouldn't come to investigate. Unfortunately, after the second scout reported back, they returned en masse. At this point, as McGinty waved a Tommy-gun at the things through a crack in the door, and the things out beyond the ring of lamplight buzzed back claiming benign intentions, the players had an ace up their sleeve. As far as the things knew, there was only one human in the shack.
 
Unfortunately they blew this almost immediately. When the things flapped off to prove their good will, the party neglected to check whether they had all flapped off, and started arguing with each other again.
 
And pretty soon it was the group blazing away through windows and the roof hoping like hell they would actually hit something.


McGinty : Bat Country! I told you! Bat Country! Amy, Lucy and the dog tried to crowd together under the bed hoping the things wouldn't notice them when they eventually stormed the building, McGinty sprayed machine gun fire into the night, and the rest of investigators emptied their guns at anything that might be a flapping or scrabbling noise. And they kept on arguing and barking and swearing about what to do next throughout it all.


Rondale : *to Lucy* "If you don't have a gun in your hand, your opinion doesn't count!"
Col. Lancaster : "As the person with the most guns, I have the swinging vote; so SHUT UP!"
During a pause, McGinty decides to pull out his other ace - a spell apparently called Call Spirit Of The Air that he picked up in one of the books he's been jealously hoarding. Understandably, the rest of the investigators were deeply suspicious, and I was highly amused by the way the players all moved a little further away from him without even realising they were doing it. So, after the chanting and waving... nothing happened.


McGinty : Er.....
Rondale : What was supposed to happen?
McGinty : A flappy thing was supposed to turn up.
Me, GM : And that's my cue for the monsters to drop the first log through the roof. More gunplay ensues


Prof. Engeleins : Can we see any glowing heads flying about through the hole?
Me, GM : Not this time. It looks like they're going for silent running... The things fall back to regroup, and McGinty tries again - and successfully summons a Worse Thing to deal with the Bad Things. And promptly going stark raving bonkers. Luckily for him, the result isn't catatonia or worse. It's megalomania. Possibly that IS worse.
 
The resulting gush of blazing overconfidence as he sics his invisible tittering beast on the other creatures includes the following, and much else.


McGinty : Get 'em! Get all the flappy things! Kill all the flappy things! Kill them all! Kill them all, my pretty!"
This does seem to disrupt the arrival of an even bigger log, at least. Which is McGinty's cue to launch into a rowing dance of victory, and song. Lancaster's player just encourages him.


Lancaster OOC : Who did it?
McGinty : I did it!
Lancaster OOC : Who did it?
McGinty : I did it!
Lancaster OOC : And hip-hop is invented 60 years early, by the wrong minority.
Me, GM : You've never heard of the Black Irish? Unfortunately, McGinty's little episode shows no sign of abating, and he can't seem to making up his mind whether he's a sorcerer supreme, St Patrick, or God. Lancaster attempts to subdue him so everybody can get the hell out of there whilst the creatures are away regrouping for another assault. Instead, McGinty soon has Lancaster by the shirt and is punching him in the face.


McGinty : "I punched him because he said I was an idiot! No one says that to a god!" Lancaster rebuts with a punch to the groin (not quite the Queensbury rules, there ). Despite having a constitution which would shame an asthmatic hamster, as Amy puts it, he manages an impale.


McGinty : Ha! Didn't feel a thing!
Lancaster : *rolls second lot of damage*
McGinty : GGHNN! ... felt... it.. that time!
Prof. Engeliens : And St Patrick descends, waving his Sword of Justice!
Me, GM : And St Patrick is on the floor, curled around his Sword of Justice
McGinty : *clutching groin* Ahg! Me lucky charms!
Lancaster OOC : Who's a god now, bitch? Having put a temporary end to McGinty's rant, the party decide now is a good time to bug out. Sad to say, the bugs find it quite convenient too, and grab the colonel from the rear of the line as the party flees into the night.


McGinty's player : You mean my critter didn't get all the other critters?
Me, GM : Doesn't look like it
McGinty's player : Dammit
Me, GM : Well think about it. Is invisibility really going to be that helpful against creatures that don't have eyes? Carried off into the sky by flying Mythos beasties, screaming what may be his last words:


Lancaster OOC : "I have a right to a phone call....I regret nothing!" Which is where we left it for the night, apart from my aside to Lancaster's player


Me, GM : 'My legs! Why can't I feel my legs!'
Lancaster OOC : Oh god, they didn't.... HE knows what's happened... the rest of the newbies will have to find out... BWAHAHAHA

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...
 
Last night's Cthulhu session, in which the party recover from unwise use of grenades and Buttercup the Eldritch Cow
 
Many opportunities for investigators to update each other on what they've been doing. Plus, Lancaster's player is back!


Lancaster's player : *comes in, backs out slowly*
Lucy's Player : Where are you going?
Lancaster's Player : I'm sorry, but Drhoz is entirely too pleased to see me
 
Lucy : I accidentally shot someone... seven or eight times
Pvt. Rondale : I'm sorry, but after the sixth time it stops being an accident
Lucy : My finger slipped!
McGinty : She has a nervous twitch! McGinty pays Lucy for the ruins of her house and land, and sets her up in one of the bedrooms at Bernie's


McGinty : Here's $6000 - the land is mine! And by the way, rent is $500 a night
 
McGinty : There was this Private Investigator nosing around. Asking questions about your fire. We told him to go away, he didn't, he died.
Lucy : What?!? Prof. Engeleins suspects government agents have been pumping him for information whilst he was semi-concious from painkillers. McGinty doesn't think his has to worry about it.


McGinty : I get gaps in my memory all the time! I sit down with a full bottle and when I wake up somebody has stolen all me booze!
Rondale : And you're in a gutter with no pants and the policeman is saying 'Hello again, McGinty'
McGinty : Bat Country!
 
Me, GM : It is still Bernie's house, after all...
McGinty : And I said I'd look after it right up until I track him down and shoot him in the head He also intends to turn the conservatory into even more of a deathtrap then it already was. Complete with bait in the form of suspicious old books on a shelf, and doors that can't be opened from the inside


Me, GM : ..... *struggling to find the words* You're a bastard Roping in a new PC - A Protestant priest. Also Irish. Also a heavy drinker. What passes for Paddy's confession takes place in a speakeasy whilst the two of them are getting utterly smashed.


McGinty : I've sinned. I've sinned a lot. And fooking 'ell I enjoyed it.
 
McGinty : I've held what's left of my friends in my hands..
Rondale : In what's left of your hands... Pastor Joe is all in favour of alcohol for healing the sick


Pastor Joe : It's sterilising the wounds, from the inside! Naturally the two of them are completely drunk by the time they stagger out of the speakeasy and head back to Bernie's to drink some more. I'll gloss over what happened on the way, because there's no way in hell it's SFW. Suffice to say it involved a rat, a small blue-white humanoid, and Paddy getting home with the arse out of his pants.
 
Paddy, gesturing to Lucy.


McGinty : This.... this 'ere gel.. with the bottle... this 'ere gel's Lucy. Knew 'er dad. She's one of the gels staying 'ere.
Pastor Joe : *stares blearily* One of them? I can see two... One comment that ran for the rest of the night


Prof. Engeleins : Nipples are much fun when they're automated. This worked out quite well for me, actually. I could run through the actual investigation with Amy Wells, Col. Lancaster, and Pvt. Rondale, whilst the rest of the players argued about whether the sparks would fly clockwise or widdershins from an electrified nipple. Admittedly it also lead to synchronised miming with sound effects of aforementioned automated electric nipples.
 
Engeleins would quite like to know what happened to his friend that invited them all out to the Eldritch Cow incident. Having been in hospital for 5 weeks and unconscious for most of it he hasn't been told yet.


Prof. Engeleins : So what happened to my ex-colleague?
McGinty : Well... let me put it in as few words as possible... *pops cheek* SPLATCH
Prof. Engeleins : *a tad upset* Thank you for so informing me of the death of an old friend!
McGinty : Oh, no problem. And see, I nabbed his occult collection too! Not that Engelein's collection is safe either. McGinty has been sent around to look after the flat, and has a good search of the place while he's at it.


Me, GM : Our friend is in a coma! Quick, let's loot his house!
 
McGinty : What do cats eat? Alcohol, right?
 
Prof. Engeleins OOC : Darn, I was hoping for facial injuries. If I can get my Appearance low enough it'll start being positive again! It's like a train wreck! I can't look away.. and yet I'm strangely aroused.... The rest of the players update Lancaster on how the little ghost girl was dealt with.


Chorus : Ding-dong, the witch is dead, which old witch, the wicked old witch, Ding-dong the wicked witch is dead! Which leads to ...


Prof. Engeleins OOC : We've faced horrors Man Was Never Meant To Know! Traversed non-euclidean spaces that will blast our sanity beyond repair! But now we're in Kansas and I want to kill myself
Rondale : I'm sorry Toto, but there's only one bullet left and I'm using it on myself. Party drives to Jenning in multiple vehicles. Amy & Lancaster get there first, by virtue of being sober.


Prof. Engeleins : What about Rondale and I! We were in your car!
Col. Lancaster : You get there second, by virtue of being in the back seat.
 
Col. Lancaster : Did you just say 'a drunken mob of Irishmen'? i believe there's a redundancy there...
 
Col. Lancaster : *booking rooms for the party* And here's another $20 to pre-pay for damages.
 
Lucy : I have standards!
Me, GM : The same standards as Chinese manufacturing?
Prof. Engeleins OOC : Oh, burn!
 
Col. Lancaster : His name is going to cause us so many problems in diners. Pastor Joe? 'I'm sorry, I didn't mean we want more coffee...' Eventually the group follow clues, punch a suspect into unconsciousness, and set up shop in his shack for the night. Entities arrive, and are responded to with the usual screaming and shouting and swarms of bullets.


Me, GM : Can I at least finish my description of the creature?
Lucy's player : No! Descriptions mean sanity loss! And for the time being, we'll pause it. But believe me we I say the Siege At Rooger's Shack went on for hours yet, and the quotes were golden

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...
 
Sorry for the long posts, but I’ve been having way too much fun with this adventure arc.
 
Part 1:
In my Champions campaign, we finished things up with the guest teen heroes:
 
Elemental: Pretty but bossy cheerleader able to control earth, water, air, and fire.
Piccolo: Cute band geek with musical abilities.
Powerplay: Transplanted loud-mouth redneck, now brick/speedster hockey player.
Specs: Brainy but klutzy guy with a penchant for steampunk gadgets.
Stretch: Basketball player / prankster with stretching abilities.
 
Powerplay (to Piccolo): So a flute player is called a flautist. Does that make you a piccolist?
Piccolo: Very funny.
GM: I’m just amazed he knew the word “flautist.”
 
To recap, the teen heroes discovered a deserted 1950s-era hero base, which had a secret area containing a supervillain (Black Oak the druid) in stasis. When we ended last time, the robotic custodian Jason had alerted the teens the stasis tube was failing, and they were rushing from their homes to the base, communicating via bulky Liberty League-issue videophone watches, or as Stretch put it: “We’re using our Farnsworths.”
 
Elemental: But that whole area is covered with traps. Won’t that keep him in?
Jason: It appears Black Oak has summoned a number of large rock creatures and they’re breaking through the traps.
Powerplay (OOC): Squirrels?
GM (sarcastic): Yeah, you got it, they’re giant squirrels in disguise.
Specs: We could call in the Squirrel King. He’ll save the day.
 
The teen heroes decide to alert the local adult hero team (S-Squad), just in case.
 
GM: You’re all on the north side of town, and S-Squad is on the south side of Chicago… in the baddest part of town…
Stretch: Do they have Leroy Brown working for them?
 
Stretch arrives first, calls S-Squad, and is trying to convince their receptionist that it’s not just a prank call.
 
Receptionist: And what is the supervillain’s name that you say you found?
Stretch: Black Oak.
Receptionist: (typing) I don’t see any record of a Black Oak in our files.
Stretch: You’re gonna have to use the way-back machine, lady. This is a really old dude.
GM (OOC, imitating a teenager): He looks like he’s in his late 30s, man, he’s ancient!
 
Receptionist (to Synergy): We have a call, some guy calling himself Stretch says he and his friends found an abandoned secret superhero base, and there was a supervillain named Black Oak in stasis there, but he’s breaking free. I looked Black Oak up online - he existed and was active back in the 1940s and 50s. The caller sounds like a kid, so it might be a prank. Do you want to take it?
Synergy: Well, this one’s original, I’ll give him that. At least it looks like he did his homework. Yeah, I’ll take it.
 
The other teens arrive, and they all go to fight Black Oak and friends. The earth elementals are blocking the hallway, so Elemental creates a sheet of ice under them. Despite this, two of the elementals make repeated DEX rolls and remain standing through almost all of the fight.
 
GM: … number 6 is bracing himself against the walls, and number 5 is moving like he’s Michael Jackson.
 
Piccolo wants to use her No-Range AOE attacks against multiple elementals.
 
Piccolo: I need to get into the middle of them, but I don’t have a way to get there.
Powerplay: You’re in marching band! You know how to walk!
Piccolo: But I’m too far away!
Powerplay: (begins imitating marching music)
 
In the heat of battle, Powerplay has been making crass, suggestive comments to the two girls.
 
Elemental: You are so shallow!
Powerplay (leering): I go deep enough.
GM: (grins and begins scribbling down that exchange)
Piccolo (OOC): Just how R-rated is this website where you post these quotes?
GM: Compared to some, yours are pretty tame.
 
The teens are trying to figure out what Black Oak’s other abilities might be.
 
Specs: (Makes his KS: RPG Games roll) Well, he summoned multiple earth elementals, so he’s at least an 8th level Druid…
 
Piccolo uses her Pied Piper tune (3d6 Mind Control, Cumulative) to try to affect the elementals.
 
GM: What are you commanding them to do?
Piccolo (shrugs, figuring she hasn’t rolled enough effect yet): Just to hold for further orders.
GM (rolls EGO rolls): Okay, that’s something they’re inclined to do, so these three stop moving.
Piccolo: It worked?!
Stretch: Think about it. What do rocks like to do the most? Just sit there.
 
Elemental has been sand-blasting individual elementals, wearing them down slowly but seems to feel she’s not highly effective.
 
GM: Too bad you guys don’t have, oh, I dunno, someone who commands the elements!
Elemental: (pause) I can do that?!
Specs (OOC): You have a Cosmic Variable Power Pool. You can do pretty much anything you can think of!
 
Despite their efforts, Black Oak gets out of view and up to the underground river. When Stretch and Piccolo arrive, they see Synergy approaching from down the opposite tunnel.
 
Synergy: Okay, where is he?
Piccolo: I think Black Oak turned into a bird and flew off.
Stretch: Did you see a budgie on your way in?
Synergy: No, sorry, didn’t see any birds.
Powerplay: He hopped into the river and turned into a carp! An old gnarly one with a bunch of those feelers hanging down in front!
Stretch (OOC): Hush. You’re not there.
Powerplay: I’m telling you, put some bacon on a hook. They can’t resist!
 
While Synergy, Stretch, and Piccolo compare notes, the heroes down in the security level hear two voices behind them.
 
Voice 1: Dang it! I was sure these kids would stop him!
Voice 2: Ha! I win!
Stretch (OOC): Oh, great, we have house elfs.
 
Two imps, Mischief and Mayhem (former teammates of Black Oak in the Alliance of Evil) appear in midair.
 
GM (describing their height by hand): They’re about this tall. They’re tiny…
Piccolo (singing): They’re tooney…
Others join in: They’re all a little looney… (all continue the Tiny Toons Adventures theme song)
 
The heroes discover why Black Oak’s stasis tube failed.
 
Mayhem: Think Black Oak’s gonna be pissed?
Mischief: Hey, he commanded us to set him free if he was ever captured. He didn’t say how quickly we had to do it!
 
Specs: So what are you two up to?
Mayhem: We’re thinking of getting the band back together.
Specs: Band? What do you two play?
Mischief: (banjo appears, starts Dueling Banjos)
Mayhem: (accordion appears, starts playing a Weird Al medley)
 
Elemental gets tired of the two irritating imps and creates a globe of water around Mayhem’s head to shut him up.
 
Mayhem: Glub! Glub, glub, glub! (sticks tongue out at her)
Mischief: (giggles, then puts his rear end into the water and lets out some gas)
Stretch (to Elemental): Any way you can light that up?

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...
 
Yar's Cosmic Supers Game
In which 6 700-point PCs save the Earth from an alien invasion.
(It's basically an excuse to learn the ins and outs of 6E combat and toss around lots of dice.)
 
The Cast:
Sidewinder -- power-armor and lots of weapons
StarPower -- fire-using pop-singer
Gravitas -- gravity manipulator
Quantum Girl -- size changer, can go from a few inches in height to 100'
Bedlam -- the Absorbing Man meets Plastic Man meets Elemento
Force Majure -- basically Ultra Boy
 
Bedlam (OOC): I'm unconscious, so I can only see the inside of my eyelids.
Force Majure (OOC): I've seen you shape shift, I'm not sure you have eyelids.
 
Force comments on the feasibility of a tactic: "Well, if it worked for Doctor Who."
 
"The alternative press call [this form] Bondage Bedlam."
 
"Oh look, there's a 50-foot woman lying on the ground!"
 
Bedlam moves some miniatures: These guys are lying on top of one another.
Force: I didn't need to know that.
 
"The boots are made for squashing."
 
GM: "I never thought I'd say this.... the [single] mook goes."
 
"My brain Dodges."
 
Bedlam responds to an incoming attack: "This is gonna hurt."
 
StarPower to Quantum Girl: "What's with you and landing on people?"
 
We discover the alien boss is vulnerable to sonics. So StarPower hacks into the PA system in order to sing it to death. It's suggested she sing "Never Going To Give You Up." The GM asks her to make a PS: Singer Roll. The result? A "3."
"[starPower] just crited a rickroll!"
 
The GM rolls a 10d6 Aid to all Characteristics, and gets... 19.
 
Sidewinder on his ability to accomplish a task: "I will not make this roll!"
He rolled... a 3.
 
StarPower: "My General Ackbar senses are tingling... it's a trap!"

Well, here's my first contribution to this thread:
 
From last week’s Ghostbuster’s filler game.
 
Characters: (using first/nick names since I don’t recall all of the PCs names at the moment).
 
Me: Bumbling Crypto-zoologist determined to lead the way in the new field he calls Ecto-zoology. Defacto leader, not because of any leadership ability but because he has the money and bought into the Ghostbuster’s franchise. Has the unfortunate habit of trying to name and classify the specters that are currently attacking him.
 
Austen: 17 year old savant physicist with multiple Phds and a complete lack of social skills
 
Mike: Former infantryman hired as the team’s muscle. He has the unfortunate habit of being completely unconcerned with the collateral damage the particle beam weapons can produce.
 
Whitty: Former host of the worst “ghost hunters” type show to ever hit cable TV. It was so bad even the paranormal conspiracy theory nuts considered it a joke. Very charming and persuasive, and a bit of a skirt chaser, he is the teams spokesperson.
 
NPC Girl: Director of the local Historical Society in the small town where we are investigating the Pumpkin Jack urban legend and the disappearance of several young children. Very cute and has my character constantly bumbling over everything he says.
 
 
The quotes (mostly without context since they seem more humorous that way):
 
NPC Girl: Crypto-zoology? You mean like bigfoot?
 
Mike: Bigfoot, Sasquatch, whatever you want to call it. He has a dozen names, Skunk-ape, the Wedi, err Wundi, um…
 
Me: Wendigo. It’s called the Wendigo, which is not the same as the Sasquatch, and which I’ll never get to study since we’re no longer allowed in Canada!
 
NPC Girl: Wait, your team got kicked out of Canada?!
 
Whitty: There was an…incident…
 
Mike: Yeah, an “incident” with you and that Mountie’s daughter.
 
Whitty: Hey, they overreacted. That was blown way out of proportion just ‘cause we involved the horse.
 
Me: ANYWAY!….
 
 
 
Austen’s character wandered off in the woods following his PKE Meter and comes out near the high school football field where the cheerleaders are practicing. One particularly bubble headed cheerleader wanders over to see who the weird kid that just wandered out of the woods is. His PKE seems to indicate that the source of the reading are coming from the girls torso, so without so much as an introduction he says:
 
Austen: I need your shirt.
 
Cheerleader: Hi, I…What?
 
Austen: Your shirt, the energy readings are coming from your shirt. I need it.
 
Cheerleader (looking confused and a little scared): Energy, you mean like radiation or something?
*Being worried about the “radiation” she takes off her shirt and hands it to him, standing there awkwardly. Austen scans the shirt, which doesn’t give off any readings. He turns the scanner back to the girl and it immediately goes off again when aimed at her…upper torso.
 
Austen: Huh? I need your bra.
 
Cheerleader (now looking really nervous and a little angry): What?!
 
Austen: It’s not your shirt; it must be coming from your bra…
*At this point the girl’s football player boyfriend comes up from behind looking really pissed off. The Jock starts yelling something along the lines of “what the hell’s going on” as he shoves Austen from behind, startling the small nerd who accidentally discharges his handheld positively charged slime thrower…all over the Jock.
Jock: What the @#$%, I’m gonna kick your @#$%ing %$#@!
*He takes a swing at Austen, slips in the slime and ends up flat on his back. Austen is saved by Mike and the coach before he can get beaten to a pulp.
 
Later, when relaying this story to the team rest of the team,
Mike: So what you’re saying is, while looking at the shirtless cheerleader you shot goo all over the football player…
 
Austen: What?
 
Me: Can we get back on topic here?!
 
Austen (about 3 minutes later in the conversation): Oh, I get it. It was a penis joke.
 
Other 3: *group facepalm*
 
 
 
NPC Girl (flirting): So, have you studied the Loch Ness Monster?
 
Me: Um, actually we don’t like to use that term…
 
NPC Girl: What term?
 
Me: (launching into lecture mode): You see, Nessie is most likely a vegetarian and we believe her to be peaceful, tranquil creature. We try to avoid the “M word”, as it further propagates the negative stereotype that has… (Interrupted by Mike and Whitty simultaneously blowing raspberries).
(And yes, I stole that last bit from Marshal from ‘How I Met Your Mother’).
 
 
Me (looking at the PKE readings as we enter the woods): God I hope that’s some sort of portal or rip in the fabric of space and time and not just a single entity.
 
Austen: If it’s a portal who knows how many things are coming through. If it’s a single creature at least we can just deal with it.
 
Me: The last time we dealt with a single spector with reading this high I almost got eaten by a hotel!

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...
 
It's been a while since our last game session 4th edition DnD.
Our cast
 
Mahni LeGuin, Halfling Wizard and madman
Tor, Shifter Druid and monosylabic husband of
Theo, Human Rogue and Assassin
Carlos, Shadar-Kai Invoker and homocide
Susie, Eladrin Paladin and confused
Norgrim, Dwarf Cleric and absent
Rok, Dragonborn Warlock and also monosylabic
Arthabulus, Tiefling Warlock and fabulous
Lukas. Half-Elf Warlord and asking for it
 
Rok needs assistance, and the wizard is up
Rok: Help me Mister Wizard, I don't want to be a DnD character anymore!
 
Mahni takes an action
Gm: What do you do?
Mahni: I scream in terror.
GM; That's a rational response.
Mahni: Oh, in that case, I attack with my dagger.
Susie: Why would you do that?
Mahni: What part of "Insane Halfling Wizard" is confusing you?
 
Theo is rescued by her husband
Theo, to Tor: Nothing says "I love you" like a critical.
 
One villian refuses to die
GM: He's still standing.
Arthabulus: What is he on?
Carlos: PCP.
Rok: He should know, he sold it to them.
Mahni: Stop dealing to the monsters!
 
The GM is tired of the arguement
GM: The next person to contradict me loses 500 xp
Carlos: 400!