FrankL Posted October 31, 2013 Report Share Posted October 31, 2013 This is for a story I am writing, not a game. The story has an adventuring party consisting of two paladins, a dashing swordsman, and two ranged fighters (the paladins have powers from their divine patron). This arc belongs to one of the knights, Sir Michael. He just earned his spurs. In the final fight, he needs to decisively prove that he has the character of a White Knight by overcoming several tests of character.Four tests came to mind, and I like them. However, it seems like that's one too many. The story needs to be about 18,000 words long. It's on pace for that length so far. Here are the tests I have planned for Michael as the party faces Queen Vivian. Desire-Mike is tempted to unchastity by an illusion of Dame Helen the Gracious (the other knight in the party). He does not know this is an illusion, and I don't want him to invalidate the test by piercing it. He will refuse the illusion's charms. [There has been heavy sexual tension between the two already.] Fear-Queen Vivian summons a great monster. Michael and the others will fight it, with Mike taking point, even though Mike is "quivering in [his] steel boots." It's the act of cowardice not the feeling of fear that is wrong. And they still have to win. Dark Self-Michael and the others face their evil doppelgangers. (If not here, Michael has to defeat his earlier as the doppleganger has taunted them already with his visor down (that is, they don't know the black knight is Michael's doppleganger)). Pride-Queen Vivian offers Michael a place as her new right hand [the Black Knight was her champion]. He will become a legend if he accepts. Naturally, he won't. Please tell which of the four you would drop OR if you would leave all of them in place. I'm not just looking for a majority vote but the best reasoning. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lucius Posted October 31, 2013 Report Share Posted October 31, 2013 Desire-Mike is tempted to unchastity by an illusion of Dame Helen the Gracious (the other knight in the party). He does not know this is an illusion, and I don't want him to invalidate the test by piercing it. He will simply refuse the illusion's charms.Blast it, the new software won't let me break a quote up will it? Oh well... Consider dropping this one unless there is some kind of lead up to it. Has there been sexual tension between these two? Has Michael perhaps already once made advances on Helen and been rebuked and reminded of the vows both have taken....but rebuked in such a way as to make it obvious she wants him too, and therefore changing her mind is believable? Don't include the test if just "comes out of nowhere." Fear-Queen Vivian summons a great monster. Michael and the others will fight it, with Mike taking point, even though Mike is "quivering in [his] steel boots." It's the act of cowardice not the feeling of fear that is wrong. And they still have to win.By this point, hasn't he already demonstrated courage in the course of the story? Dark Self-Michael and the others face their evil doppelgangers. (If not here, Michael has to defeat his earlier as the doppleganger has taunted them already with his visor down (that is, they don't know the black knight is Michael's doppleganger)).Might as well include this one, you've already foreshadowed it. Pride-Queen Vivian offers Michael a place as her new right hand. He will become a legend if he accepts. Naturally, he won't. This might work, especially if someone ALREADY holds that position and Sir Michael can point out that it would be unjust to displace a champion who already serves honorably and well. Lucius Alexander Passing the Test of the Palindromedary Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FrankL Posted October 31, 2013 Author Report Share Posted October 31, 2013 [if you type the quote blocks or make them for each piece and paste it in, you can break it up.] Desire-Mike is tempted to unchastity by an illusion of Dame Helen the Gracious (the other knight in the party). He does not know this is an illusion, and I don't want him to invalidate the test by piercing it. He will simply refuse the illusion's charms.Blast it, the new software won't let me break a quote up will it? Oh well... Consider dropping this one unless there is some kind of lead up to it. Has there been sexual tension between these two? Has Michael perhaps already once made advances on Helen and been rebuked and reminded of the vows both have taken....but rebuked in such a way as to make it obvious she wants him too, and therefore changing her mind is believable? Don't include the test if just "comes out of nowhere." Yes, there has been heavy sexual tension between the two. They came very close to falling when he opened up to her emotionally once before on this mission. The rebuffing was mutual, and the mutual desire, obvious. Fear-Queen Vivian summons a great monster. Michael and the others will fight it, with Mike taking point, even though Mike is "quivering in [his] steel boots." It's the act of cowardice not the feeling of fear that is wrong. And they still have to win.By this point, hasn't he already demonstrated courage in the course of the story? Very good point. This test can be the one earlier in the story where he goes from squire to full knight. I needed something for that place, also. Dark Self-Michael and the others face their evil doppelgangers. (If not here, Michael has to defeat his earlier as the doppleganger has taunted them already with his visor down (that is, they don't know the black knight is Michael's doppleganger)).Might as well include this one, you've already foreshadowed it. And Chekov's Gun must be fired. Yes. It wouldn't do to move it forward. Pride-Queen Vivian offers Michael a place as her new right hand. He will become a legend if he accepts. Naturally, he won't. This might work, especially if someone ALREADY holds that position and Sir Michael can point out that it would be unjust to displace a champion who already serves honorably and well. There's an opening. Her prior champion was the Black Knight who served honorably. In honor, he and Michael were identical. This test really has to stay as it holds the crux of Mike's arc. Thank you, Lucius Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted October 31, 2013 Report Share Posted October 31, 2013 If you have to drop one, EITHER drop the first one (desire) or the third one (dark self). Pride always goeth before a fall, so you have to have a pride test in there. Feeling fear but not letting overcome you is another core test that I think is essential. An idea about the first one is sharpen it with e.g. jealousy or envy (that is, double-down on the internal drives Michael must overcome or fail the test ... if he gets resentful and is tempted to challenge a new worthy suitor for Dame Helen, for instance). I can't but think that would lengthen your story, but that's one idea. The dark self test could play out many different ways, depending on which character aspects in the dark self that you choose to play up. Since you mention the dark self taunting them earlier, that suggests something of pride at least in that test, which makes this something of a duplicate of the fourth test at least in some sense. Without knowing what you have in mind for this one, that duplication would lead me to drop this one, but if you've got something spiffy in the mill that you haven't let on then I'd be easily swayed otherwise. So my vote gets cast for this one, but there's lots of conditionals on that which the vote can't cover. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Old Man Posted November 1, 2013 Report Share Posted November 1, 2013 I voted to drop the test of fear, since it's kind of redundant. The doppelganger test would be best if he has to do some self analysis to figure out what his own weaknesses are, and use them against himself. (Of course, the doppelganger will be doing the same thing, so...) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lucius Posted November 1, 2013 Report Share Posted November 1, 2013 [if you type the quote blocks or make them for each piece and paste it in, you can break it up.] the quote blocks Okay, typing that didn't seem to do anything? Lucius Alexander The palindromedary is as confused as I Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tasha Posted November 1, 2013 Report Share Posted November 1, 2013 the quote blocks Okay, typing that didn't seem to do anything? Lucius Alexander The palindromedary is as confused as I Use the switch in the upper left hand corner of the text controls. This will put the post into plain text mode and show all of the formatting commands you have to do [ quote] and [ /quote] without the spaces just like on the old boards. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lucius Posted November 1, 2013 Report Share Posted November 1, 2013 Use the switch in the upper left hand corner of the text controls. Oh! This will put the post into plain text mode and show all of the formatting commands you have to do [ quote] and [ /quote] without the spaces just like on the old boards. Like that? Thanks Tasha! You're fantastic! Lucius Alexander Insert palindromedary tagline here Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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