Ockham's Spoon

I have got to stop saying "How stupid can you be?" I'm beginning to think people are taking it as a challenge.

When the pandemic started, I began recording my classes so that students who couldn't be there in person could watch them later. This proved popular enough that I still record my lectures, even though most of the students are present in class. Things do not always go smoothly though. There were invariably technical difficulties, particularly with the microphone. So the other day I started the class by saying "I need to make sure the microphone is working. So if you can hear me, and your name is Michael, please stand up." Both my students named Michael complied, which allowed me to continue. "Thank you for helping me out. That concludes our mike check." This may come back to bite me during the student evaluations...

Kandiss Taylor is running for governor in Georgia. This is her campaign tour bus, which I found eye-opening, because I don't remember the place in the Bible where Jesus guns babies.

Why is it when Miley Cyrus is naked and licks a hammer it is "art" and "music", but when I do it, I'm "wasted" and "have to leave Home Depot"?

When I was young and naive, I used to wake up in the morning hoping that good things would happen that day. Now when I wake up in the morning, I just hope that whatever bad things happen will at least be funny.

My boss: "I've been getting complaints about your snide comments. You know that sarcasm won't get you anywhere." Me: "Yeah? Well it got me to the Sarcasm World Championships in Paris in '98." My boss: "Really?" Me, rolling my eyes: "No."

I got a job at ComCast and completed the training, which is great because now I can fix my own cable. That might seem extreme, but it was faster than being on hold with customer service.

Eating too much cake is the sin of gluttony. But eating too much pie is okay, because the sin of pi is always zero.

A lot of people got angry at me the other day for letting an elderly lady have my seat. How was I supposed to know she couldn't drive a bus?

I was channel surfing and came across this one where this lady was listing all sorts of fun things to do. Then I realized it was one of those religious channels and she was reading a list of sins.

Someone told me that signing my emails with "Best" was passive-aggressive so I am changing it to "See you in hell" to eliminate any confusion.

Tangentially related, I had an empath who fed off the emotions of others. This was represented as extra REC, Triggers when strong emotions were present in others nearby. By default in combat he got the first third of the extra REC since emotions run high in dangerous situations, as long as he wasn't fighting robots or zombies without emotion. If he was able to step on people's Psychological Complications, he got the second third of the REC. If he managed to trigger an Enraged or Berserk, he got the full REC. He was not allowed to manipulate emotions to generate this energy, the emotions had to occur 'naturally' or it didn't count. He was really good a trash talking and inspiring oratory though. The most satisfying instances of the power triggering was not when people got angry, but when they acted out of compassion or love, because from a story-line standpoint saving the day with the power of love is beautiful, but cheesy if you don't have something behind it.

A German shepherd, a Doberman, and a cat die and find themselves facing God, who asks what they believe in. The German shepherds says "I believe in discipline, training, and loyalty to my master." God says "Very good, come sit at my right side. Doberman, what do you believe?" The Doberman says "I believe in love, care, and protection of my master." God says "Very good, come sit at my left side. Cat, what do you believe?" The Cat answers "I believe you are sitting in my seat."

Pro-tip: If you can't think of a word, say "I forget the English word for it." That way people will think you are bilingual instead of an idiot.