Ockham's Spoon

In the days before the internet, the conventional wisdom was that collective stupidity was a result of lack of access to information. Well ... it wasn't that.

Kids today don't know how easy they have it. When I was young, we had to walk 9 feet through shag carpet to change the channel.

You know, the year 2020 was bad, and 2021 hasn't proved to be much better, and I am starting to feel like my life is in season 5 of a TV series where the writers are just making up ridiculous shit to keep it interesting.

The fact that some people can't distinguish between etymology and entomology bugs me in ways I can't put into words.

It is so hard to deal with all the double standards these days. Burn a body at a mortuary and you are 'doing your job'. Burn a body at home and you are 'destroying evidence'.

I recently read this review of the movie Alien: "Alien is a movie where no one listens to the smart woman, and they all die except for the smart woman and her cat. Four stars."

Okay, my D&D knowledge is a bit out of date, but since when did they have Pokemon balls?

Pro Tip: When making a sex tape, be sure to have Disney music playing in the background. That way if it gets leaked online, Disney attorneys will make sure all of them get taken down.

I honestly think that modifying Teleport is the most logical way to approach this, but the Hero system allows multiple ways to do things frequency, so how about buying an Apportation power as Indirect Stretching, only useable to grab things at a distance and bring them back to you? Flavor-wise, the power is going to be based on STR now, so if you want to apport the villain's gun you are going to have to do a Disarm maneuver, which might not be what you are looking for, but on the other hand it might keep the power from getting out of control.

A little boy tells his nursery school teach that he found a dead cat. "How did you know it was dead?" the teacher asks. "Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't move." the boy explains. "You did what?!" the teachers asks, appalled. "You know," the little boy explains, "I leaned over and said 'Pssst' into its ear, and it didn't move."

Pro tip: Collect the business cards of people you don't like. Then if you ever accidentally hit a parked car, just write "Sorry" on the back of the card and leave it under the windshield wiper.

Two guys shooting the breeze in a bar. The first one asks "So, if you choose anyone, alive or dead, to have sex with, who would you choose?" Second guy answers "Well, probably the one who's alive."