mattingly

Re: "Neat" Pictures

Re: "Neat" Pictures

Re: "Neat" Pictures

Re: Creepy Pics. I want to use Santa's Flesh to paint my Easter Eggs.

Re: "Neat" Pictures

Re: Creepy Pics. Barbie-cue chicken?

Re: "Neat" Pictures Expected view at Giza on December 3, 2012:

Re: "Neat" Pictures

Re: "Neat" Pictures

Re: Foods for those that just don't care anymore

Re: A Thread for Random Videos

Re: A Thread for Random Videos

Re: A Thread for Random Videos http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bJVCaxGTbTU

Re: Creepy Pics. Angry chocolate milk will be watching you.

Re: Jokes Two engineers were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking up. A woman walks by asks what they were doing. "We're supposed to find the height of this flagpole, but we don't have a ladder." The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a couple bolts, and laid the pole down on the ground. Then she took a tape measure from her pocketbook, took a measurement, announced, "Twenty one feet, six inches," and walked away. The men laughed. "Ain't that just like a woman! We ask for the height and she gives us the length!"

Re: Jokes Jack is on his death bed, and he says to his wife, "Can you give me one last wish?" She says, "Anything you want." He says, "After I die, will you marry Larry?" She says, "But I thought you hated Larry." With his last breath, he says, "I do."

Re: Creepy Pics. That's the last time I eat calamari sushi...

Re: A Thread for Random Videos Star Wars: The Musical http://www.salon.com/2011/04/06/star_wars_the_musical_full/ Courtesy of Salon.

Re: Ross Watson’s Top 5 Superhero RPG Oddballs The Stupor Powers game has powers like prehensile nipples, and the power of Tor. It has my favorite monkey pun character ever, too. Mighty Joe Jung, the extra large gorilla master of psychology.

Re: Creepy Pics.

Re: Creepy Pics. My Funny Valentine. "Hey, baby. You know what they say about the size of a clown's shoes..."

Re: Jokes $5.37! That's what the kid behind the counter at Taco Bell said to me. I dug into my pocket and pulled out some lint and two dimes and something that used to be a Jolly Rancher. Having already handed the kid a five-spot, I started to head back out to the truck to grab some change when the kid with the Elmo hairdo said the hardest thing anyone has ever said to me. He said, "It's OK. I'll just give you the senior citizen discount." I turned to see who he was talking to and then heard the sound of change hitting the counter in front of me. "Only $4.68" he said cheerfully. I stood there stupefied. I am 56, not even 60 yet? A mere child! Senior citizen? I took my burrito and walked out to the truck wondering what was wrong with Elmo. Was he blind? As I sat in the truck, my blood began to boil. Old? Me? I'll show him, I thought. I opened the door and headed back inside. I strode to the counter, and there he was waiting with a smile. Before I could say a word, he held up something and jingled it in front of me, like I could be that easily distracted! What am I now? A toddler? "Dude! Can't get too far without your car keys, eh?" I stared with utter disdain at the keys. I began to rationalize in my mind! "Leaving keys behind hardly makes a man elderly! It could happen to anyone!" I turned and headed back to the truck. I slipped the key into the ignition, but it wouldn't turn. What now? I checked my keys and tried another. Still nothing. That's when I noticed the purple beads hanging from my rear view mirror. I had no purple beads hanging from my rear view mirror. Then, a few other objects came into focus: The car seat in the back seat. Happy Meal toys spread all over the floorboard. A partially eaten doughnut on the dashboard. Faster than you can say ginkgo biloba, I flew out of the alien vehicle. Moments later I was speeding out of the parking lot, relieved to finally be leaving this nightmarish stop in my life. That is when I felt it, deep in the bowels of my stomach: hunger! My stomach growled and churned, and I reached to grab my burrito, only it was nowhere to be found. I swung the truck around, gathered my courage, and strode back into the restaurant one final time. There Elmo stood, draped in youth and black nail polish. All I could think was, "What is the world coming to?" All I could say was, "Did I leave my food and drink in here"? At this point I was ready to ask a Boy Scout to help me back to my vehicle, and then go straight home and apply for Social Security benefits. Elmo had no clue. I walked back out to the truck, and suddenly a young lad came up and tugged on my jeans to get my attention. He was holding up a drink and a bag. His mother explained, "I think you left this in my truck by mistake." I took the food and drink from the little boy and sheepishly apologized. She offered these kind words: "It's OK. My grandfather does stuff like this all the time." All of this is to explain how I got a ticket doing 85 in a 40 mph zone. Yessss, I was racing some punk kid in a Toyota Prius. And no, I told the officer, I'm not too old to be driving this fast. As I walked in the front door, my wife met me halfway down the hall. I handed her a bag of cold food and a $300 speeding ticket. I promptly sat in my rocking chair and covered up my legs with a blankey. The good news was I had successfully found my way home.

Re: Jokes I just saw a guy driving a tractor and shouting "THE END IS NIGH!" I also think his tractor was magic.

Re: Creepy Pics.

Re: need a name... Invicta.