Guest WhammeWhamme Posted October 9, 2004 Report Share Posted October 9, 2004 Re: When I Am the Benevolent Ruler.... I will not force anyone under four feet tall to fight in my army. eh? What's this one about? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OddHat Posted October 9, 2004 Report Share Posted October 9, 2004 Re: When I Am the Benevolent Ruler.... eh? What's this one about? Hobbits? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKJAM! Posted October 9, 2004 Author Report Share Posted October 9, 2004 Re: When I Am the Benevolent Ruler.... If a mad scientist shows me plans for clearly unworkable or useless devices (other than doomsday devices or ultimate weapons), I will not laugh at him or exile him from the land. I will first attempt to cozen him into turning his talents towards research that could actually benefit our country, and if that fails, arrange for him to meet private investors and let them take the onus of turning him down. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue Jogger Posted October 10, 2004 Report Share Posted October 10, 2004 Re: When I Am the Benevolent Ruler.... If, by the nature of conflict, I am forced to attack another country, and if, by reason of neccessity, enemy villages must be burned down with entire families slaughtered, etc... I WILL make sure another team will go through the village and adopt any children left behind so they do not grow up to be the beloved hero who will kill me for slaughtering his family. Instead, he will be reminded that I am a benevolent ruler and be sure that he knows the knight who did the deed. By the time the hero grows up, that knight will surely be ready for the "early retirement package" or be able to deal with a hero with delusions of granduer and revenge on his mind. If the hero defeats the knight, I will immediately offer him to take the knight's place and thank him for the knight must surely been evil and would eventually killed me. This should satisfy his desire to rid the world of evil and if not, surely I can find evil places to point him to as my new knight. Blue "Surely my brother's kingdom is much more wicked than me" Jogger Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
S7Michelle Posted October 10, 2004 Report Share Posted October 10, 2004 Re: When I Am the Benevolent Ruler.... My wife will be advised in no uncertain terms against inviting Faerie Godmothers' date=' Witches, or supernatural creatures of any sort to our child's christening.[/quote'] My husband will be informed that not inviting Faerie Godmothers, Witches, or supernatural creatures to our child's christening is a certain recipe for disaster. An Evil one is bound to show up anyhow, insulted that she wasn't invited and claiming that we are biased against magic users. And worse, there will be no good creatures there to mitigate the effects of the inevitable curse. Instead we will perform extensive research to make certain everyone person of power in the Kingdom is invited. Also, we will have at least two extra places set and two extra gifts (golden plates, goblets, etc.) just in case someone we missed shows up. Finally, since supernatural beings are somewhat like children in that they take offense over the most trivial of things, all of the plates/goblets/etc. will look exactly the same. My daughter isn't going to be cursed because the Wicked Fairy wanted the star plate instead of the flower plate. Come to think of it, no flower plates. All the plates will have a nice abstract design. I will warn my children that witches and godmothers have a bad habit of pretending to be beggars. If any of my children get sent out on a quest, I will make certain that they have extra loaves of bread handy to share with any beggars they encounter. Additionally, I will encourage my husband to fund suitable public works programs to minimize the number of beggars in the kingdom. I will never make my husband swear that if I should die he will only marry a woman as beautiful as I was. It is a recipe for disaster and worse, seems to be a recipe for incest. Additionally, I will make arrangements with a faithful servant to ensure that should my husband go mad with grief after my death and decide to marry our daughter, she will be spirited away to someplace safe and given more than enough funds to support herself. Also, said faithful servant or loyal friend, will be asked to spirit away my daughter or son if their new stepmother is showing indications that she is abusing them or planning their deaths. My husband will be firmly informed that he is NOT placing our daughter on the top of a glass mountain in order to find a husband for her. Glass breaks. Likewise, I will not attempt to pick our sons wife based on whether or not she can feel a pea through a stack of mattresses. Any woman dainty enough to feel a single dried pea through one mattress much less dozens of them, is far to dainty to ever give me grandchildren. All family members will be informed that no matter how beautify it is, or how much they crave it, picking a flower, vegetable, or fruit that is growing in the middle of winter is a bad idea. Odds are very good that it belongs to a powerful witch, wizard, etc. Instead we will politely ask to buy it and if refused will either wait until the proper season or request that our court magician create one for us. If I find myself attracted to one of my husbands friends, knights or heroes. I will remember that one doesn’t always have to act on her fantasies. I will keep the thought of him a pleasant daydream, and keep my hands and loins where they belong. I will also attempt to avoid sleeping with rains of golden light, swans, bulls, etc. But if I should be unable to resist the seduction of a God, I will tell my husband and do my best not to get tossed in a tower or into a box in the ocean. Rather I will suggest that the child be offered as a priest to his godly father as soon as he is of age. If I discover that my husband has been cheating on me with one of my maids, I will not kill her and bury her body by the river. I will inevitably be found out and my actions will be turned into a song. (Obscure Fairy Tale. Rep to anyone that can guess it.) Instead, I will remember that it is my husband who broke his word to me and that she quite probably didn’t feel as if she could refuse. I shall find her a husband and a home well away from the capital and the King and I shall undergo marriage counseling. If the census determines that we have a seventh child of a seventh child in the kingdom, I will immediately offer to sponsor him or her to the Royal University and will keep a friendly but close eye on his progress. Seventh Children of Seventh Children always end up powerful, and I’d just as soon have that power on my side. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gawain Posted October 11, 2004 Report Share Posted October 11, 2004 Re: When I Am the Benevolent Ruler.... The Singing Bone? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
arcady Posted October 11, 2004 Report Share Posted October 11, 2004 Re: When I Am the Benevolent Ruler.... The Evil Overlord kills for fun and profit. The Good Overlord kills for the good of his nation. The "Pacifist Overlord" is more accurately described as "The Former-Overlord." Ergo... Teddy Roosevelt was evil and Adolf Hitler was good. Teddy was a hunter, and a bit of an adventurer, the real villain in his era though might better be William McKinley - who put us into the Spanish American war in order to sieze Spanish territory. We could say the same of presidents like Andrew Jackson and Lincoln who fought in Indian wars in order to sieze land... Hitler however, rebuilt a plundered economy, gave his people pride and took them from massive depression and the bottom of Europe to an industrial powerhouse with a strong sense of civic and national pride - and he did it all out of patriotism and protecting the nation in a pre-emptive strike against those who might attack it if they weren't stopped first - namely Jews, Gypsies, Communists, and the other European powers that had so devastated his nation in the Great War. Yeah... got to be careful about one-liners, they really let you put the wrong spin on things. The reall issue here is not good, evil, or neutral, but 'overlord.' Once you've got an overlord somebody's gonna get stepped on. So give me any evil overlord I will paint them as heroic, or any good overlord and I will show their villainy. So what would I do? Put in a document and a tradition of law that limits myself and all future people in my position. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OddHat Posted October 11, 2004 Report Share Posted October 11, 2004 Re: When I Am the Benevolent Ruler.... Yeah... got to be careful about one-liners' date=' they really let you put the wrong spin on things. [/quote'] Gosh, a one line joke can be used as the launch point for goofy sophistry? Who would have thought it? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Archangel Gabri Posted October 11, 2004 Report Share Posted October 11, 2004 Re: When I Am the Benevolent Ruler.... he did it all out of patriotism and protecting the nation in a pre-emptive strike against those who might attack it if they weren't stopped first - namely Jews' date=' Gypsies, Communists, [/quote'] While this is certainly what he believed (and his people believed) at the time, I think history has recorded it a little differently. The point being that spin *is* history, and the difference between "Good" Overlord and "Evil" Overlord is one of perception. So: I will designate an agency of my government to the goal of ensuring that I am seem by history as a Benevolent Dictator. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Agemegos Posted October 11, 2004 Report Share Posted October 11, 2004 Re: When I Am the Benevolent Ruler.... If my wife seems to be gathering a great deal of power to herself' date=' I will praise her for it, shower her with honors, and quietly assign her to take care of a massive and nearly impossible public works project,[/quote'] Put her in charge of reforming the health-care system. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKJAM! Posted October 14, 2004 Author Report Share Posted October 14, 2004 Re: When I Am the Benevolent Ruler.... I will not commission clothing made from a fabric I cannot see. Naturally, I am under no obligation to mention its invisibility as the cause. "Wrong color" will suffice. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue Jogger Posted October 18, 2004 Report Share Posted October 18, 2004 Re: When I Am the Benevolent Ruler.... Since it is human nature to desire and wish, I will, at all costs, avoid talking with such absolutes as "everything" and "forever" and cultivate putting limits on such desires so that I don't starve by having everything I touch turn to gold, living forever in complete misery, or having to keep my daughter imprisoned in a tower because she is the most beautiful in the land. If I fail to do so, I will make every human attempt to learn my lesson in humility as quickly as possible. And when such spellcasters are summarily executed for treason to the crown, I will offer a most humble apology for having such a barbaric law on the books to prevent the spellbinding of the royal family such that it endangers the kingdom. However, fair is fair, I will spare their life if they learn their lesson in humility. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
War Cry Posted October 19, 2004 Report Share Posted October 19, 2004 Re: When I Am the Benevolent Ruler.... When I have feel death creeping up on me, I will not make my heir promise me that he will have my body entombed within the sacred Halls of the Great in the Valley of Kings across the Desert of Despair and over the Mts of Agony a thousand leagues from my kingdom as proof of his legitamacy to the throne. My foresight should have already made sure that my heir was competent and such foolish ventures are unneccassary. Just dump me in the garden please. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grahariel Posted April 3, 2012 Report Share Posted April 3, 2012 Re: When I Am the Benevolent Ruler.... If a prophecy states that a villain will be born to challenge me, I will not have my soldiers kill every child in the realm in hopes of finding the right one. I shall instead hire a group of expert theologians and scholars from the local university and church to examine the prophecy and deduce a place and time. Then I shall send my most skilled diplomat to bring the family and newborn villain to become part of my courtier, his parents receiving wealth and title and land. The would-be villain shall be educated and trained to act as an adviser to me and later my heir when he eventually takes the throne to ensure he becomes a greater ruler than I. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKJAM! Posted April 3, 2012 Author Report Share Posted April 3, 2012 Re: When I Am the Benevolent Ruler.... Welcome, Grahariel! Note that the Benevolent Ruler is far more likely to have a prophecy that a villain will be born to challenge hm. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grahariel Posted April 3, 2012 Report Share Posted April 3, 2012 Re: When I Am the Benevolent Ruler.... After squashing a rebellion quickly and with economical efficiency and as little collateral damage as possible, and after trying and publicly executing the rebel leaders and letting the followers return to their homes and families with flogging marks, I shall not teach the populace a lesson by forcing them, their children, or their children's children to fight one another to the death in some arena once a year. Instead, I shall consult my advisers and have a thorough investigation into the grievances that gave rise to the rebellion in the first place and then amend my policies so that said grievances cannot arise to anger the people a second time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grahariel Posted April 3, 2012 Report Share Posted April 3, 2012 Re: When I Am the Benevolent Ruler.... Should any one of my daughters fall under a sleep spell by some malcontent sorceress or begrudging witch that can only be broken by the tender kiss of a loving prince, I shall not lock her away in some godforsaken tower for twenty years hoping that this mythical prince charming arrives to wake her from her eternal slumber. Instead, I shall secure her in a room within my castle with no windows or fire place, and post guards outside 24/7, as well as have my court and well trusted magician place a ward on her so that the caster of the sleep spell cannot touch her. After this has been done, I shall then send envoys or ravens to the various corners of my realm to the lords and dukes and counts under my fiefdom with news of the curse and demand they send their unmarried, and most honest and good sons to act as possible suitors. Upon arrival, each potential suitor shall be examined, questioned, and tested by my queen and I as well as a small group of my most trusted advisers to determine their worth. The one who receives my blessing shall then be allowed to enter my daughter's chamber to bestow the kiss that should wake her. This should take at least a month or two if the weather fares well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Weapon Posted April 5, 2012 Report Share Posted April 5, 2012 Re: When I Am the Benevolent Ruler.... My wife will be advised in no uncertain terms against inviting Faerie Godmothers' date=' Witches, or supernatural creatures of any sort to our child's christening.[/quote'] Are you kidding? Do you know how those weirdos react when you don't invite them? It's not pretty. No what you want is to invite them but time it so that none of them can make it. You know the same day as the Annual Faerie Godmothers, Witches and Supernaturals Drink Free Day at one of the better pubs. If there is no such day consider secretly funding it's creation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
McCoy Posted April 5, 2012 Report Share Posted April 5, 2012 Re: When I Am the Benevolent Ruler.... Wait Wait!! the Evil overlord kills everyone and the Benevolent Ruler dose also!! Is this just a function of goverment? Lord Ghee Just as a gangrenous limb must be amputated, sometimes it may be necessary for someone to be permanently removed from the kingdom. This si not a step to be taken lightly and all alternatives must be considered first. When I am the Benevolent Ruler, once it has been determined that a person must be euthanized for the good of the country, they will NOT be publicly/painfully executed "as a warning to others." If already in prison they will be pardoned, in all cases they will be offered positions in the government, treated like family, and showered with gifts. Sooner or later they will develop a minor illness, at which point I will order my personal physician to treat them. Treat them to a fatal overdose of opiates. Their happy and painless passing should preclude any curse with their final breath, their death by apparent natural causes should forestall any heirs seeking revenge, and public displays of my grief at their elaborate funeral would prevent them becoming a martyr for the rebellion. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Glupii Posted April 5, 2012 Report Share Posted April 5, 2012 Re: When I Am the Benevolent Ruler.... I would hire the best PR folks in the kingdom to continue to promote me as the benevolent leader and then start reading the book on being the Evil Overlord. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grahariel Posted April 6, 2012 Report Share Posted April 6, 2012 Re: When I Am the Benevolent Ruler.... if after I have successfully invaded a slice of territory and sacked it's capitol city, I shall not do as so many and burn the capitol's churches and institute my own religion. Instead, I shall allow the churches to stand and pay a sizable tax to be allowed to preach, as well as protection. I shall give it's highest ranked clergy a seat in my own royal court. In exchange for such things, this new church and religion would act as a second machine of state propaganda when asked should I eventually need to amass an army of religious fanatics for some crusade to retrieve the Holy Land, or a holy land. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grahariel Posted April 6, 2012 Report Share Posted April 6, 2012 Re: When I Am the Benevolent Ruler.... An educated member of the clergy will be dispatched to any village or town of importance to both preach the religion as well as establish an educational system to teach the children and youth of said village or town how to read and write and basic science and mathematics, after all, an ignorant society is a poor one. Also, a small squad of no more than twelve soldiers shall be stationed in each village or town to provide protection as well as train said villagers in combat techniques one hour a day so they have a better chance of surviving a raid from an enemy horde. If this is done well, the soldiers can then return to the larger cities confident in the establishment of a strong and capable militia formed from the people. Also, all towns and villages will have a surrounding wall of wood or brick, which is available and economically feasible. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Midas Posted April 6, 2012 Report Share Posted April 6, 2012 Re: When I Am the Benevolent Ruler.... After squashing a rebellion quickly and with economical efficiency and as little collateral damage as possible' date=' and after trying and publicly executing the rebel leaders and letting the followers return to their homes and families with flogging marks, I shall not teach the populace a lesson by forcing them, their children, or their children's children to fight one another to the death in some arena once a year. Instead, I shall consult my advisers and have a thorough investigation into the grievances that gave rise to the rebellion in the first place and then amend my policies so that said grievances cannot arise to anger the people a second time.[/quote'] You say "Killing off whiny annoying teenagers" like it's a bad thing. (I tried to like Hunger Games, I truly did: But did you ever see a monster or slasher movie where you started rooting for the monsters? That is how I feel about "Catnip." Oh please, please! Kill her and put her out of my misery!) Welcome to the board btw. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Midas Posted April 6, 2012 Report Share Posted April 6, 2012 Re: When I Am the Benevolent Ruler.... Just as a gangrenous limb must be amputated, sometimes it may be necessary for someone to be permanently removed from the kingdom. This si not a step to be taken lightly and all alternatives must be considered first. When I am the Benevolent Ruler, once it has been determined that a person must be euthanized for the good of the country, they will NOT be publicly/painfully executed "as a warning to others." If already in prison they will be pardoned, in all cases they will be offered positions in the government, treated like family, and showered with gifts. Sooner or later they will develop a minor illness, at which point I will order my personal physician to treat them. Treat them to a fatal overdose of opiates. Their happy and painless passing should preclude any curse with their final breath, their death by apparent natural causes should forestall any heirs seeking revenge, and public displays of my grief at their elaborate funeral would prevent them becoming a martyr for the rebellion. (Must spread rep) Are you angling for the post of Evil Vizier, by chance? > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Midas Posted April 6, 2012 Report Share Posted April 6, 2012 Re: When I Am the Benevolent Ruler.... if after I have successfully invaded a slice of territory and sacked it's capitol city' date=' I shall not do as so many and burn the capitol's churches and institute my own religion. Instead, I shall allow the churches to stand and pay a sizable tax to be allowed to preach, as well as protection. I shall give it's highest ranked clergy a seat in my own royal court. In exchange for such things, this new church and religion would act as a second machine of state propaganda when asked should I eventually need to amass an army of religious fanatics for some crusade to retrieve the Holy Land, or a holy land.[/quote'] You might have a political or even theological problem here. Say you are Aragorn, King of the United Kingdoms of Gondor and Arnor, and you've just won the War of The Ring. What are you planning to do with all those Dark Numenorean Priest of Sauron? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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