BlueCloud2k2 Posted June 7, 2014 Report Share Posted June 7, 2014 Q: You say the last place contestant for "The Biggest Loser" bought a cabin in a Nudist Community? What effect do you think that will have on the property value of his neighbors? A: I refuse to work under these conditions any longer! I quit! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted June 7, 2014 Report Share Posted June 7, 2014 A: I refuse to work under these conditions any longer! I quit! Q - I can't just fire you or have you killed because your daddy's the Nest Leader, so instead I'm assigning you to VIPER's latest project: the infiltration of C.L.O.W.N.! A - Stop digging. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted June 7, 2014 Report Share Posted June 7, 2014 A - Stop digging. Q: What, you mean I'll come out in the middle of the South Pacific? What do you want me to do about it? A: When your nation is run largely through nepotism, you tend to see things like this happen. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted June 7, 2014 Report Share Posted June 7, 2014 A: When your nation is run largely through nepotism, you tend to see things like this happen. Q - Do you really think the next election will feature Jeb Bush vs. Hillary Clinton? A - Be somewhere else. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted June 7, 2014 Report Share Posted June 7, 2014 A - Be somewhere else. Q: What's the best way to survive when Godzilla attacks your city? A: You know you bought the wrong video when everyone in Japan speaks fluent Italian. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted June 7, 2014 Report Share Posted June 7, 2014 A: You know you bought the wrong video when everyone in Japan speaks fluent Italian. Q - Wait, are the gangsters in this movie Yakuza or La Cosa Nostra? I'm so confused.... A - That's pretty ugly, even for an iguana. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BlueCloud2k2 Posted June 8, 2014 Report Share Posted June 8, 2014 Q: How do you like my new pet? I cross-bred this iguana with a chihuahau. I call it, a Chiguana! A: I'd buy that for a dollar! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted June 8, 2014 Report Share Posted June 8, 2014 A: I'd buy that for a dollar! Q: I have to change my diet, which means I really have to get rid of this candy bar right now. Can you help me? A: All the boys upstairs want to see how much you'll pay for what you used to get for free. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BlueCloud2k2 Posted June 8, 2014 Report Share Posted June 8, 2014 Q: We're being charged for the Air we breathe? WTF? A: Because I said so! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted June 8, 2014 Report Share Posted June 8, 2014 A: Because I said so! Q - What is the name of the worst chick flick, and arguably the worst movie of any genre, of all time? A - That's not my nose. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BlueCloud2k2 Posted June 8, 2014 Report Share Posted June 8, 2014 Q: What's the ugly lump on the front of your face? A: I think Darth Vader had it right: subordinates need a firm hand for maximum efficiency and failure is never an option. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted June 8, 2014 Report Share Posted June 8, 2014 A: I think Darth Vader had it right: subordinates need a firm hand for maximum efficiency and failure is never an option. Q: The receptionist is sitting in her chair, apparently dead. Did you have something to do with it, sir? A: As we all know, meetings are the enemy of work. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BlueCloud2k2 Posted June 9, 2014 Report Share Posted June 9, 2014 Q: I don't understand why no one shows up for the MANDATORY staff meetings anymore. Do you know why? A: I'll have a triple bacon cheese-burger with onion-rings and a massive coronary. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted June 9, 2014 Report Share Posted June 9, 2014 A: I'll have a triple bacon cheese-burger with onion-rings and a massive coronary. Q: You are required to commit suicide, but you are permitted to choose the means of your demise. How do you want to die? A: Take comfort, son. Someday, all of this will be yours! Well, at least what's left after the estate taxes come due.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BlueCloud2k2 Posted June 9, 2014 Report Share Posted June 9, 2014 Q: Dad, why are you taking your Last Will and Testament with you to your IRS audit? A: There isn't enough Vodka in the world to make me forget that! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted June 10, 2014 Report Share Posted June 10, 2014 A: There isn't enough Vodka in the world to make me forget that! Q: You saw Putin kissing WHAT? A: When True Simplicity is gained, to bow and to bend we won't be afraid. That's why I don't want to gain True Simplicity. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BlueCloud2k2 Posted June 10, 2014 Report Share Posted June 10, 2014 Q: Why do you hate the Amish so much? A: Kill the Dragon, eat its Soul. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted June 11, 2014 Report Share Posted June 11, 2014 A: Kill the Dragon, eat its Soul. Q - What's on the menu tonight, garçon? A - Children of the night . . . shut up! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted June 11, 2014 Report Share Posted June 11, 2014 A - Children of the night . . . shut up! Q: STAR PARTY TONIGHT!! Hey girls, ya wanna see my 14-inch Dobsonian and try it out for a ride? A: Of course, the 82-inch on that mountaintop is 75 years old now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BlueCloud2k2 Posted June 11, 2014 Report Share Posted June 11, 2014 Q: You say you lost your big-screen in time vortex? Have you checked the top of Mt. Rushmore? A: They have enough C-4 to put Arnold Schwarzenegger into orbit. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marcus Impudite Posted June 11, 2014 Report Share Posted June 11, 2014 Q: You say you lost your big-screen in time vortex? Have you checked the top of Mt. Rushmore? A: They have enough C-4 to put Arnold Schwarzenegger into orbit. Q: What did the reviewer mean when he said the new Terminator movie would be a blast? A: Apparently, the new password is, "Open the damned door, you asshat". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted June 11, 2014 Report Share Posted June 11, 2014 A: Apparently, the new password is, "Open the damned door, you asshat". Q - What do you mean, the password isn't 'Swordfish'? The password is always 'Swordfish'! A - I'd rather not spend the evening with that man, if it's all the same to you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted June 12, 2014 Report Share Posted June 12, 2014 A - I'd rather not spend the evening with that man, if it's all the same to you. Q: Gilbert Gottfried needs a date to the Tonys. Interested? A: Even if I would make a million dollars for it, I'm not quacking like a duck for your movie. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted June 12, 2014 Report Share Posted June 12, 2014 Q: Gilbert Gottfried needs a date to the Tonys. Interested? A: Even if I would make a million dollars for it, I'm not quacking like a duck for your movie. Q - So, Gilbert, since you got fired from those Aflac commercials, I hear you could use some extra cash. Have I got an offer for you.... A - The kiss my lover brings, she brings to me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted June 12, 2014 Report Share Posted June 12, 2014 A - The kiss my lover brings, she brings to me. Q: So you're the only person she gives extra-large chocolate chips to? A: The human race was dying out -- no-one left to scream and shout. Pariah 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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