Pariah Posted December 28, 2014 Report Share Posted December 28, 2014 Q - So, you just signed up for cable service with Comcast? A - We don't really deal in that sort of thing any more. These days, it's all about ball bearings. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted December 30, 2014 Report Share Posted December 30, 2014 A - We don't really deal in that sort of thing any more. These days, it's all about ball bearings. Q: Dude, where's the lubricant? A: Sixth edition answers to seventh edition problems doesn't work real well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted December 30, 2014 Report Share Posted December 30, 2014 A: Sixth edition answers to seventh edition problems doesn't work real well. Q: Don't you think there are too many time travelers on the Hero boards? A: I want you here today as the Prime Minister's problems. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Asperion Posted December 31, 2014 Report Share Posted December 31, 2014 Q: Don't you think there are too many time travelers on the Hero boards? A: I want you here today as the Prime Minister's problems. Q: Just why did you invite Moriarty to this party? A: Death 2.0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BlueCloud2k2 Posted December 31, 2014 Report Share Posted December 31, 2014 Q: What makes you think the X-Box One has the same problems as the first generation X-Box 360? A: My doctor just prescribed me some paint pills for my back... now I'm bleeding rainbows and farting out unicorns. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted January 1, 2015 Report Share Posted January 1, 2015 A: My doctor just prescribed me some paint pills for my back... now I'm bleeding rainbows and farting out unicorns. Q: So you're saying the pharmacist can't make heads or tails of your doctor's handwriting? A: If that's not reason enough to behead the Royal Family, nothing is! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Asperion Posted January 1, 2015 Report Share Posted January 1, 2015 Q: So you're saying the pharmacist can't make heads or tails of your doctor's handwriting? A: If that's not reason enough to behead the Royal Family, nothing is! Q: Did you hear that the Royal Family declared war on God? A: God's Erector Set Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted January 1, 2015 Report Share Posted January 1, 2015 A,: God's Erector Set Q - How do you propose to build customized planet, anyway? A - Never mind, I don't care. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted January 1, 2015 Report Share Posted January 1, 2015 A - Never mind, I don't care. Q: Thank you for letting me in. Now, let me tell you about all the wonderful benefits of owning a set of encyclopedias! Shall I put you down for two sets? A: I never thought that would happen to me, so naturally it didn't. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BlueCloud2k2 Posted January 1, 2015 Report Share Posted January 1, 2015 Q: Not bitter over not winning the lottery, are you? A: When I'm done with you, you will eat Danger and s*** Victory! NOW DROP AND GIVE ME FIFTY! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted January 5, 2015 Report Share Posted January 5, 2015 A: When I'm done with you, you will eat Danger and s*** Victory! NOW DROP AND GIVE ME FIFTY! Q: I know you want to build a champion football team, Coach, but what's with all the heavy weaponry? A: Somehow I think this new planet to which we are relocating the human race, and for which we have abandoned the Earth, is not quite living up to the advertisements. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Asperion Posted January 5, 2015 Report Share Posted January 5, 2015 Q: I know you want to build a champion football team, Coach, but what's with all the heavy weaponry? A: Somehow I think this new planet to which we are relocating the human race, and for which we have abandoned the Earth, is not quite living up to the advertisements. Q: This is a wonderful planet - wide open spaces, 1.02g, oxy-notro atmo, plentiful resources. Just one question - where is the sun? A: A lightshade for the Sun. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BlueCloud2k2 Posted January 5, 2015 Report Share Posted January 5, 2015 Q: What does every party-goer wish for on the morning after a drinking binge? A: I didn't say I wasn't gonna eat it. I just said I'm gonna need hot-sauce. Lots and lots of hot-sauce. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted January 5, 2015 Report Share Posted January 5, 2015 A: I didn't say I wasn't gonna eat it. I just said I'm gonna need hot-sauce. Lots and lots of hot-sauce. Q - You do know that's a triple-decker toadstool and sauerkraut sandwich with arsenic sauce, don't you? A - A Swiss Army knife, 300 meters of copper wire, and a swimming pool filled with chocolate milk. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BlueCloud2k2 Posted January 5, 2015 Report Share Posted January 5, 2015 Q: What do MacGuyver's sexual fantasies typically involve? A: No way, no how, count me OUT! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted January 5, 2015 Report Share Posted January 5, 2015 A: No way, no how, count me OUT!Q: Wanna help us catch hyenas? We can always use fresh mea -- I mean, new help. A: Body count. It's all that matters. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted January 5, 2015 Report Share Posted January 5, 2015 A: Body count. It's all that matters. Q - Why don't you play D&D any more? A - I'd vote for the fettuccine Alfredo with the Parmesan-crusted chicken, myself. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BlueCloud2k2 Posted January 7, 2015 Report Share Posted January 7, 2015 Q: Do you want Chinese or tacos? A: But I don't want to be a second-class citizen! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted January 10, 2015 Report Share Posted January 10, 2015 A: But I don't want to be a second-class citizen! Q - This month's citizenship class is filled, but we may be starting a second one. Shall I put your name on the waiting list? A - It's all chocolate sauce and gibberish, I'm afraid. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted January 10, 2015 Report Share Posted January 10, 2015 A - It's all chocolate sauce and gibberish, I'm afraid. Q: Aliens are communicating with you through your banana split? That's incredible! What are they trying to tell us? A: When you told me you wanted to have my kids, I didn't think you had this in mind. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BlueCloud2k2 Posted January 11, 2015 Report Share Posted January 11, 2015 Q: I'll give you $100k to borrow your kids for the weekend. I'm testing the waters to see if I'm ready for parenthood. A: Y'know, I would totally have gone for it, up until you mentioned Clowns would be involved. NOTHING is scarier than Clowns. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted January 12, 2015 Report Share Posted January 12, 2015 A: Y'know, I would totally have gone for it, up until you mentioned Clowns would be involved. NOTHING is scarier than Clowns. Q: This circus is in town, Harley. Let's rob it! A: Thank you for pressing the button. Please do not press it again. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Asperion Posted January 12, 2015 Report Share Posted January 12, 2015 Q: This circus is in town, Harley. Let's rob it! A: Thank you for pressing the button. Please do not press it again. Q: Here is a giant, red, unmarked button for the universal control system. Shall we test it to see what it does? A: That was a monster of a sneeze. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted January 12, 2015 Report Share Posted January 12, 2015 A: That was a monster of a sneeze. Q: Sheboygan, Wisconsin just ceased to exist! Care to explain yourself, Godzilla? A: Thank you for oversharing, Miss Hilton. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BlueCloud2k2 Posted January 12, 2015 Report Share Posted January 12, 2015 Q: This circus is in town, Harley. Let's rob it! Do I even want to know how the hell you know my childhood name that I HATE? Q: Sheboygan, Wisconsin just ceased to exist! Care to explain yourself, Godzilla? A: Thank you for oversharing, Miss Hilton. Q: And that's when I realized I totally forgot to wear underwear when I met the President! A: I need another Scotch like you need a bullet between the eyes. Leave the damned bottle or leave in a body-bag! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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