Mammoth Genome Decoded -- Clones on the Way?

[Basil]

I wasn't sure whether to put this here, or in the Dark Champions forum. Then I thought, "Would it be cooler to fight a Mammoth, made by cutting-edge science, with up-to-the-minute weapons; or to fight one made by Weird Science™ with Webley's and a Tommy Gun (if you're lucky!)?"

 

That's why this article is in the Pulp forum.

[Trebuchet]

Re: Mammoth Genome Decoded -- Clones on the Way?

 

I wasn't sure whether to put this here' date=' or in the Dark Champions forum. Then I thought, "Would it be cooler to fight a Mammoth, made by cutting-edge science, with up-to-the-minute weapons; or to fight one made by Weird Science™ with Webley's and a Tommy Gun (if you're lucky!)?"[/quote']Who cares as long as it has frickin' lasers on its head?

 

I can see the perfect title of the pulp magazine story (scenario): Mystery of the Mammoth Master

[jtelson]

Re: Mammoth Genome Decoded -- Clones on the Way?

 

Conciliari Shonufi, the Masta-Don

[Basil]

Re: Mammoth Genome Decoded -- Clones on the Way?

 

Who cares as long as it has frickin' lasers on its head?

So, you're voting for Dark Champions?

 

 

I can see the perfect title of the pulp magazine story (scenario): Mystery of the Mammoth Master

Ooo! Good one! Very Pulp-sounding title.

 

Conciliari Shonufi' date=' the Masta-Don [/quote']

 

 

[Narratio]

Re: Mammoth Genome Decoded -- Clones on the Way?

 

Cloning Mastodons as a step towards returning the earth to a pristine age before man and his perfidious technology came along?

 

Hmmm, calling Sax Rohmer! Where are you when we need you?

[Captain Obvious]

Re: Mammoth Genome Decoded -- Clones on the Way?

 

So, you're voting for Dark Champions?

 

 

Replace "lasers" with "death rays" and pulp still wins.

 

Oh, and I want one, whether or not it comes with lasers and death rays.

[Basil]

Re: Mammoth Genome Decoded -- Clones on the Way?

 

Replace "lasers" with "death rays" and pulp still wins.

Good one!

 

Oh' date=' and I want one, whether or not it comes with lasers and death rays.[/quote']

Heck, I'd take one without anything on its head, except the hair and tusks.

[Narratio]

Re: Mammoth Genome Decoded -- Clones on the Way?

 

Heck' date=' I'd take one [u']without[/u] anything on its head, except the hair and tusks.

Do that and your cover art would be really naff.

 

Nope, what you need for a decent cover is a herd of these things with a scantily clad 10 rated babe riding the leader, waving a spear. Then lightly springle your heroes down in the front, haev a decent splash title acoss the top (Uncanny Jungle Adventures, The Misplaced Country, something like that), add a bar code and you're done.

 

And leave the lasers alone, that sort of stuff is over of the Champions / Dark Champions threads.

[Tom Carman]

Re: Mammoth Genome Decoded -- Clones on the Way?

 

Do that and your cover art would be really naff.

 

Nope, what you need for a decent cover is a herd of these things with a scantily clad 10 rated babe riding the leader, waving a spear. Then lightly springle your heroes down in the front, haev a decent splash title acoss the top (Uncanny Jungle Adventures, The Misplaced Country, something like that), add a bar code and you're done.

 

And leave the lasers alone, that sort of stuff is over of the Champions / Dark Champions threads.

 

Lasers no, death rays yes. Misty of the Mastodons and Our Heroes charging toward the Evil Genius (with Diabolical Ray) and minions! There's a good cover for you. (Racial/ethnic stereotype {German/Chinese/Japanese} of villain optional.)

[Michael Hopcroft]

Re: Mammoth Genome Decoded -- Clones on the Way?

 

[folgio]But all our mammoth-cooking gear is obsolete![/foglio]

 

Mimmoths (miniature mammoths, if you can imagine such a thing) feature nicely in the steampunk universe of Girl Genius.

[Captain Obvious]

Re: Mammoth Genome Decoded -- Clones on the Way?

 

[folgio]But all our mammoth-cooking gear is obsolete![/foglio]

 

Mimmoths (miniature mammoths, if you can imagine such a thing) feature nicely in the steampunk universe of Girl Genius.

 

I've heard that, but I don't remember ever seeing them in the comic anywhere. Maybe I just wasn't paying enough attention.

[Narratio]

Re: Mammoth Genome Decoded -- Clones on the Way?

 

Let us look at this from the perspective of a criminal mastermind.

 

A problem with mammoths is that, like elephants, they have to eat a lot to stay healthy. Nobody wants wants to come rampaging out of a jungle leading a herd of skinny, malnourished Mammoths or Mastodon or even plain elephants. Your street cred as a viable threat to peace and harmony would go right down the drain.

 

So, as soon as they're decanted, you'll be sending your goons out to rob banks just to buy food to feed the growing herd. I mean yes, the goons could rob stores for fruit and veggies to feed the herd, but that, once again, lowers your credibility as a threat to world wide peace and harmony.

 

And then there's the whole time factor. You'll never make it onto the 10 most dangerous list if it takes you 12 years to bring your herd of Mammoths from infant to adulthood before embarking on your rampage against "The Society That Did You Wrong" . Which means you need some form of fast growth time compression technology. And if you've got that, why bother with Mammoths?

 

Likewise death rays mounted on the mammoths. Unless you're bolting the death rays to the Mammoths heads (which will cause you serious grief with the animal rights community - and those guys are nasty!) it'll take a lot of time and effort to mount them onto the beasts, what with all the straps, chains, battery packs etc. (Yes, batteries. What, you want them to trail extension cords while rampaging down the high street?) And thus you're time table for world domination will have to include days out for mounting, dismounting and servicing all this equipment.

 

I just can't see Mammoths as being viable in this, the year of the fruit bat.

[DevilInSatin]

Re: Mammoth Genome Decoded -- Clones on the Way?

 

Let us look at this from the perspective of a criminal mastermind.

 

A problem with mammoths is that, like elephants, they have to eat a lot to stay healthy. Nobody wants wants to come rampaging out of a jungle leading a herd of skinny, malnourished Mammoths or Mastodon or even plain elephants. Your street cred as a viable threat to peace and harmony would go right down the drain.

 

So, as soon as they're decanted, you'll be sending your goons out to rob banks just to buy food to feed the growing herd. I mean yes, the goons could rob stores for fruit and veggies to feed the herd, but that, once again, lowers your credibility as a threat to world wide peace and harmony.

 

And then there's the whole time factor. You'll never make it onto the 10 most dangerous list if it takes you 12 years to bring your herd of Mammoths from infant to adulthood before embarking on your rampage against "The Society That Did You Wrong" . Which means you need some form of fast growth time compression technology. And if you've got that, why bother with Mammoths?

 

Likewise death rays mounted on the mammoths. Unless you're bolting the death rays to the Mammoths heads (which will cause you serious grief with the animal rights community - and those guys are nasty!) it'll take a lot of time and effort to mount them onto the beasts, what with all the straps, chains, battery packs etc. (Yes, batteries. What, you want them to trail extension cords while rampaging down the high street?) And thus you're time table for world domination will have to include days out for mounting, dismounting and servicing all this equipment.

 

I just can't see Mammoths as being viable in this, the year of the fruit bat.

 

That's Century of the Fruit Bat.

 

Azhural and M'Bu had no problem get a thousand elephants to Ankh-Morpork. All you need is the same level of determination, and the knowledge that a thousand elephants (or mammoths) go where they want to go. And remember, "mountain go up, mountain go down"

[Basil]

Re: Mammoth Genome Decoded -- Clones on the Way?

 

Do that and your cover art would be really naff.

Who said anything about cover art? I want one.

 

Nope' date=' what you need for a decent cover is a herd of these things with a scantily clad 10 rated babe riding the leader, waving a spear. Then lightly springle your heroes down in the front, haev a decent splash title acoss the top (Uncanny Jungle Adventures, The Misplaced Country, something like that), add a bar code and you're done. [/quote']

You ought to commission someone to draw that.

 

And leave the lasers alone' date=' that sort of stuff is over of the Champions / Dark Champions threads.[/quote']

Hey, Trebuchet mentioned lasers; don't yell at me!

[Narratio]

Re: Mammoth Genome Decoded -- Clones on the Way?

 

Basil, I'd never yell at you... where you could see or hear it anyway.

 

But cloning Mamoths is not an efficient use of your would be world dominators time and energy. Stick with something that makes sense. New York taxi's that turn into rampaging robots or mutant killer whales - okay, WITH lasers in thier heads. These both make sense. But unless you can make the Mamoth run off a small nuclear reactor embedded in its carcas, with possibly a hibachi oven or microwave cooker mounted on the top for when the rider needs a quick meal, I don't see them being viable.

[Michael Hopcroft]

Re: Mammoth Genome Decoded -- Clones on the Way?

 

Basil, I'd never yell at you... where you could see or hear it anyway.

 

But cloning Mammoths is not an efficient use of your would be world dominators time and energy. Stick with something that makes sense. New York taxi's that turn into rampaging robots or mutant killer whales - okay, WITH lasers in thier heads. These both make sense. But unless you can make the Mammoth run off a small nuclear reactor embedded in its carcass, with possibly a hibachi oven or microwave cooker mounted on the top for when the rider needs a quick meal, I don't see them being viable.

 

Since when has a Pulp story depended on the efficiency of the bad guy's Master Plan? Most stories that involve cloned armies of whatever assume that cl;ones grow up far, far faster than a normal member of their species -- sometimes even virtually instantly. It's like Marvin and his vending machine of Instant Martians (just add water).

[Narratio]

Re: Mammoth Genome Decoded -- Clones on the Way?

 

I can partially agree. I always assumed that for Marvins race it was a population level vs space problem, so they just powdered thier excess population until needed.

 

But for a would be world conqueror and his Master Plan, unless laid out properly I can see the suspension of disbelief we all use grinding to a halt.

 

UNless you miniturize them! Miniaturized cloned Mammoths? Now that I can support!

[Lord Liaden]

Re: Mammoth Genome Decoded -- Clones on the Way?

 

Note that Mammoths are a temperate-to-cold climate species (hence the "wooly" part), so no herds coming out of the jungle. You'd need to keep them up in the tundra and taiga regions of the north to graze. Canada and Russia/Soviet Union are the only nations with enough of that kind of territory to sustain a sizeable herd. Without spy satellites during the Pulp era they'd be easy to hide up there.

 

You realize what this means, of course: COMMUNIST MAMMOTHS!!

 

The sneaky Bolsheviks march their herds of death-ray-equipped mammoths across the polar ice cap, massing in the wilderness of northern Canada, before sweeping south to overwhelm the entire continent!

 

(And once again, Canada gets screwed for being between the Russians and the United States.)

[Captain Obvious]

Re: Mammoth Genome Decoded -- Clones on the Way?

 

Note that Mammoths are a temperate-to-cold climate species (hence the "wooly" part), so no herds coming out of the jungle. You'd need to keep them up in the tundra and taiga regions of the north to graze. Canada and Russia/Soviet Union are the only nations with enough of that kind of territory to sustain a sizeable herd. Without spy satellites during the Pulp era they'd be easy to hide up there.

 

You realize what this means, of course: COMMUNIST MAMMOTHS!!

 

The sneaky Bolsheviks march their herds of death-ray-equipped mammoths across the polar ice cap, massing in the wilderness of northern Canada, before sweeping south to overwhelm the entire continent!

 

(And once again, Canada gets screwed for being between the Russians and the United States.)

 

What do you mean Canada gets screwed? Canada's right there to roll up their sleeves and punch the Russkies in the jaw, mammoth or no mammoth. Glory hogs!

[Lord Liaden]

Re: Mammoth Genome Decoded -- Clones on the Way?

 

What do you mean Canada gets screwed? Canada's right there to roll up their sleeves and punch the Russkies in the jaw' date=' mammoth or no mammoth. Glory hogs![/quote']

 

Oh, absolutely. We'd have no shortage of Johnny Canucks throwing righteous roundhouses at the Russkies, and our Prairie cowboys could mammoth-wrangle with the best of 'em.

 

It's just that we wouldn't need to if we weren't always watching the Yanks' backs.

[The Main Man]

Re: Mammoth Genome Decoded -- Clones on the Way?

 

Put 'em in Alaska and you have Sarah Palin, Mammoth Huntress!

[Lord Liaden]

Re: Mammoth Genome Decoded -- Clones on the Way?

 

Put 'em in Alaska and you have Sarah Palin' date=' Mammoth Huntress![/quote']

 

Except she'd want to shoot them from a helicopter.

 

Now Palin in a fur bikini and glasses, waving a spear... that I could work with.

[Michael Hopcroft]

Re: Mammoth Genome Decoded -- Clones on the Way?

 

Now Palin in a fur bikini and glasses' date=' waving a spear... that I could work with. [/quote']

 

"Is it cold out here, or is it just me?"

[Narratio]

Re: Mammoth Genome Decoded -- Clones on the Way?

 

Hmmmm, Communist Mammoths, a fur Bikini clad, glasses wearing, spear wielding Sarah Palin lookalike on the leader, thundering across the border and into the Canadian Tundra. Being met by a resolute band of lumberjacks and mounties throwing mighty punches, wielding tree felling axes and Webley revolvers.

 

Publish it as a Robert Adams style alternate history story and, as a cover art idea, that's got to be worth an extra 100,000 copies sold.

[The Main Man]

Re: Mammoth Genome Decoded -- Clones on the Way?

 

Hmmmm, Communist Mammoths, a fur Bikini clad, glasses wearing, spear wielding Sarah Palin lookalike on the leader, thundering across the border and into the Canadian Tundra. Being met by a resolute band of lumberjacks and mounties throwing mighty punches, wielding tree felling axes and Webley revolvers.

 

Publish it as a Robert Adams style alternate history story and, as a cover art idea, that's got to be worth an extra 100,000 copies sold.

 

Next year in NaNoWriMo...