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Marcus Impudite

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Everything posted by Marcus Impudite

  1. Q: Why on Earth would the Coca Cola company stop putting fruit flavors in their soft drinks? A: Most likely the same time they finally green-light "Spaceballs 2: The Search For More Money."
  2. Perhaps, though I doubt the fact that they ventilated an innocent 6-year-old child will win them very many points with any jury (provided it goes to a jury trial). Plus there's the fact that they're behind bars right now instead of enjoying a paid vacation. I'm not going to jinx it by saying it's a sure thing, but this one sort of looks like justice might be done... for a change.
  3. So Stafford and Greenhouse been thrown in the slammer and their bail is set at a cool million each? Unexpected, but promising.
  4. And the two sh*theads who shot the rancher get a paid vacation while their buddies at the department play CYA for them. Just lovely.
  5. Though it might be amusing to watch some cop try to be Billy Badass and end up chucking himself in the twig and berries...
  6. Usually in the family jewels... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d0tBMNNOA18
  7. Q: Why are you guys attempting to build a Hot Tub Time Machine? A: Roads? Where we're going, we don't need roads...
  8. Q: What's it say in the first chapter of the NSA's new interrogation manual? A: This could only be an evil plot of Satin and his rouge angles.
  9. To everyone who has ever said 9 out of 10 cops are good: Okay fine, I'll give you that for the sake of argument. That, however, is not an excuse to let the 1 out of 10 who are sh*tbags just run amok without suffering any meaningful consequences for their misdeeds. Don't kid yourselves; bad cops, if left unchecked, will endanger the lives of good cops as well as the those of citizens. Bank on it.
  10. Q: Why is that entire flock of sheep running away in terror? (JK) A: And the jailer man, and Sailor Sam were searching everyone...
  11. Q: Is Michael singing in the shower again? A: Two bad tastes that taste absolutely awful together.
  12. Creepypasta.com, home of some wonderfully creepy short stories, include many tales about the infamous Slenderman.
  13. WARNING: The contents of this thread may be too disturbing or terrifying for some people. If you have a low PRE score and/or are easily squicked out, now would be a good time to head for the exit. If you're at the office right now, we cannot guarantee that everything here will be 100% work-safe, so please use discretion. To kick things off, a little something from Mr. Nightmare's YouTube channel:
  14. Q: What was that explosion? And why is that Dodge Dart airborne? A: Achievement Unlocked: Killed By A Gazebo.
  15. Let me see if I got this straight: they damned nearly killed this guy over a slice of pizza? *facepalm*
  16. Knuckle-Dragging Moron Cop: "Why you no have clothes under towel?" Oh, I don't know, MAYBE SHE JUST GOT OUT OF THE $#%@ING SHOWER, YOU BRAINLESS WASTE OF OXYGEN!!!!!!!!!!!
  17. It's also possible they're just scumbags who get off on killing defenseless pets, laughing in the face of devastated pet owners who had to watch helplessly as the life of their beloved animal companion was taken right in front of them, and knowing they'll never be brought up on charges for it. But don't worry, an ever ravenous pack of demon hounds await such miscreants in Hell. When those so-called "police officers" shuffle off their mortal coils, they can look forward to a painful eternity of their souls (or what laughably passes for such) being ripped, shredded, and torn into little pieces; over, and over, and over again. Because that's what Hell is all about: repetition.
  18. Q: How do you defeat an enraged Anita Sarkesian? A: Neither dogs nor humans are allowed in the dog park.
  19. In addition to body cameras, I find myself of the opinion that cops should have a remote-triggerable high-voltage device implanted in their rectums. First time they commit so much as a tiny abuse their authority, they get 10,000,000 volts up the ass.
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