Samuraiko

Re: The cranky thread

Re: A Thread for Random Musings After getting yet another private message about someone who has read the prologue of my book (and not publicly responded to it), I have come to the conclusion that reading my book is the "guilty pleasure" of this board. Like a certain, um, solitary pleasurable and physical entertainment. No one ever admits to it, but everyone likes doing it. Michelle aka Samuraiko

Re: The cranky thread Well, if it makes you feel any better, my mom FILLED, and I mean FILLED, a two car garage plus customized cabinets on both sides of the garage, and the attic, plus special shelves built into her bedroom, WITH ALL MANNER OF CRAP! Clothes she's only worn once. Shoes she's only worn once. Books. Movies. Pictures. Scads and scads of stuff. (And she gave ME crap about the fact that at one time, I had a 650-CD collection, and three solid bookshelves of books!) So out of the goodness of my heart, I taught her how to take digital pictures and post stuff on eBay. She will make more money than she's ever seen in her life once this s*** is out of the house. Michelle aka Samuraiko

Re: The cranky thread Yet AGAIN, Qwest shut off my phone with no notice or phone call, the bastards, so I had to cough up $75 to get the phone turned back on! ARGH! There went any excess Christmas funds, which I WOULD have paid mid-month, but NOOOOO, they wanted it NOW! If there is a God or Goddess or pantheon, and he/she/it/they are listening, may the District Manager of AIMCO Properties be struck by lightning if he or she doesn't have Cox Digital Phone Service set up for our building by the end of January. Michelle aka Samuraiko

Re: The cranky thread One word for ya, Dr. A... E-BAY. Michelle aka Samuraiko

Re: Musings on Random Musings There are actually two versions... posted here for your amusement... Cheers, Michelle aka Samuraiko The Devil Hello, nice to see you all again. Now, as the more perceptive of you have probably realised by now, this is Hell, and I am the Devil. Good evening. You can call me Toby, if you like - we try and keep things informal here, as well as infernal. That's just a little joke. Now, you're all here for eternity, which I hardly need tell you is a sod of a long time, so you get to know everyone pretty well by the end, but for now I'm going to have to split you up into groups. Are there any questions? Yes? Um, no, I'm afraid we don't have any toilets... if you'd read your Bible you would have seen that it was damnation without relief. So, if you didn't go before you came then I'm afraid you're not going to enjoy yourself very much... but then, I believe that's the idea. Right, let's split you up then. Can you all hear me still? CAN YOU HEAR ME AT THE RACK? All right, off we go... Murderers, over here. Looters and pillagers - over there please, thieves if you could join them, and bank managers... Fornicators, if you could step forward - my God there are a lot of you. Could I split you up into adulterers and the rest? Adulterers if you could just form a line in front of that small guillotine there. Okay... Americans, are you here? Look, I'm sorry about this, apparently God had some fracas with your founding fathers and damned the entire race into perpetuity. He sends particular condolences to the Mormons who He realises put in a lot of work. That's the way the wafer crumbles. The Iranians, I'm afraid, can't be with us - someone's been holding them in purgatory for about nine months. Sodomites, over there against the wall. Atheists! Atheists? Over here please. You must be feeling a right bunch of charlies. Okay, and Christians! Christians? Ah yes, I'm sorry, I'm afraid the Jews were right. Okay, Moonies, maniacs, marmite eaters, male models, masochists, mass murderers and masseurs, if you could take a pew at the back - with the Methodists that is. Now, you're the lot who used to kill whales, is that right? Ah, yes, I must remember - I've got some strips to tear off you bastards later. Everyone who saw Monty Python's "Life of Brian" - I'm afraid He can't take a joke after all. Alright now, one final thing. We're trying to implement some kind of exchange scheme with the Lord God Almighty, or Cliff as we know him. Some of you will travel up and have a decade in heaven and we're having some angels down here. Now, I hardly need tell you that in heaven you will be expected to behave in an exemplary manner, so I hope you will do the exact opposite - tear off their wings, use their haloes for frisbee practice, that sort of thing. Well, I have to go now, unfortunately, but Beelzebub here will show you the ropes ... and the chains, and electrodes. I'd just like to leave you with a favorite joke of mine, if I may. Quite apt to the circumstances, I think. It goes something like this: Knock, knock! Who's there? Death. Death wh...! A Warm Welcome Ah hello!. It's nice to see you all here. As the more perceptive of you probably realised by now, this is Hell. And I am the Devil (good evening), but you can call me Toby, if you like. We try to keep things informal in here, as well as infernal. That's just a little joke of mine. I tell it every time. Now, you're all here for... eternity! Ooh! Which I hardly need tell you is a heck of a long time, so you'll all get to know each other pretty well by the end. But for now I'm going to have to split you up in groups. WILL YOU STOP SCREAMING! Thank you. Now, murderers? Murderers over here, please. Thank you. Looters and pillagers over there. Thieves, if you could join them, and lawyers, you're in that lot too. Fornicators, if you could step forward? My God, there are a lot of you! Could I split you up into adulterers and the rest? Male adulterers, if you could just form a line in front of that small guillotine in the corner. Em... the French, are you here? If you could just like to come down here with the Germans. I'm sure you'll have plenty to talk about. Okay, atheists? Atheists over here please. You must be feeling a right bunch of nitwits. Never mind. And finally, Christians. Christians? Ah, yes, I'm sorry but I'm afraid the Jews were right. If you would come down here, that would be really fine. Okay! Right, well, are there any questions? Yes? No, I'm afraid there aren't any toilets. If you read your Bible, you might have seen that it was damnation without relief, so if you did not go before you came, then I'm afraid you're not going to enjoy yourself very much... but then I believe that's the idea. Okay. Well, it's over to you, Adolf! And I'll catch you all later at the barbecue. Bye!

Re: Musings on Random Musings *affects a cod British accent* "Ah, hello, it's so nice to see you all here. Now, as the more perceptive of you have probably realized by now, this is Hell. And I am the Devil. Good evening..." I love Rowan Atkinson... Michelle aka Samuraiko

Re: The cranky thread *waving her arms frantically* Nononononono! *stops, suddenly seeing an identical scene in Dragonball Z* Goku: *not realizing Shin is the Supreme Kai, overseer of the universe* What did that Shin guy say to you? He wasn’t rude was he? Do you want me to set him straight for you? I bet if I told him you were once the Guardian of Earth he’d have a little more respect! Piccolo: *who does know who Shin is* No! Don’t do that! Please! Don’t do anything! Please don’t! Michelle aka Samuraiko

Re: The cranky thread I so don't wanna know... Michelle aka Samuraiko

Re: The cranky thread *groans and bangs her head against her desk* Forgot about that. While it is true that an orgasm will often solve most problems (from allergies to jet lag), the only two people who can give me one are me and the guy sleeping behind me on the couch. Michelle aka Samuraiko

Re: The cranky thread If I were hungry for rabbit food, that'd sound appealing. But right now all I want is a bottle of red wine, a bag of gourmet potato chips, and a foot and back massage. None of which are currently possible. Michelle aka Samuraiko

Re: The cranky thread Come on by... hubby mine is asleep. Michelle aka Samuraiko

Re: Musings on Random Musings Robin Williams also makes that whole "There is no Devil" quote in his "Live at the Met" show. Which leads into, "If God drinks, then maybe God gets stoned too. Look at a platypus. I think he might!" Michelle aka Samuraiko

Re: The cranky thread I just worked my first real shift at my new job, and my feet and my lower back are killing me! Michelle aka Samuraiko

Re: A Thread for Random Musings I just worked my first real shift at my new job. And my feet and lower back are KILLING me. Michelle aka Samuraiko

Re: Musings on Random Musings There;a;limit;on;how;many;names;you;can;add;at;once? Michelle aka Samuraiko

Re: Musings on Random Musings I've got this image stuck in my head now of Gohan from Dragonball Z teaching Old Man how to fly, like he does with Videl and Goten... Michelle aka Samuraiko

Re: A Thread for Random Musings I wonder how I can send the same PM to about thirty different people without having to send each one individually like I can with email... :S Michelle aka Samuraiko

Re: A Thread for Random Musings I get to do eight loads of laundry today. Ugh. But I'm also setting up my Christmas tree, which I do like. Michelle aka Samuraiko

Re: Musings on Random Musings Sorry, I don't recognize the character... Michelle aka Samuraiko PS - Ren, that's got to be one of the more original things I've seen guys do to impress women... not very classy, but original.

Re: Musings on Random Musings See? It's thinking like that, that keeps guys like you from scoring the chicks like me. Yep, no tact at all, that's me... Michelle aka Samuraiko

Re: Musings on Random Musings No big... I know it'll come to me eventually. *rubbing her temples* Damn... I started crying while responding to another thread and now I have a headache... Michelle aka Samuraiko

Re: Musings on Random Musings Now I'm really curious... since I can almost write in my sleep, it'd be really nice to make some halfway decent spare cash by writing. Any way of getting specs on how to work with you guys? Michelle aka Samuraiko

Re: Musings on Random Musings Unfortunately I'm not really familiar enough with the Champions universe, although given some of the characters, I could probably write some killer short stories or novellas... Michelle aka Samuraiko

Re: Musings on Random Musings Gee, THAT covers a lot... Michelle aka Samuraiko