Balabanto

Money Solves Problems
 
 
Dear Mister Wicked:
 
Sell the people for money. Use the money to buy respect. It works for Hugh Hefner.
 
Q.U.I.R.K.

Barbarians who don't have performance skills probably shouldn't sing in battle, but on a pathfinder game I had fun with this...
 
 
"When I was just a lad, trying to figure out my place
on how to answer questions that had long plagued the Ulfen race
My Grampa said to me, worn helm upon his brow
"My kin I know that look, you're asking why and how...
Not knowing all the answers, that's simply no disgrace
but an answer that almost always works is Axe to the face!"
"Axe to the face my boy, axe to the face!
Many a primal warrior has used it successfully in debate
For it severs a smug foe's silver tongue
And fights over land, or a maiden's hand
There's nothing like an enemy's head on a plate!"
"Trouble with the bill?"
"Axe to the face!"
"Tricked by a shill?"
"Axe to the face!"
"Bored and need a thrill?"
"Axe to the face!"
"Well, I heeded my grandda's advice
beyond his dying day
And it's amazing how well it works in each in every way
Axe to the face, my friends, Axe to the face!"
"Not knowing all the answers? That is simply no disgrace!"
"But the answer that almost always works is Axe to the face!"
 
the reactions of the other player characters varied wildly ... I may have scarred a few.

Solomon Grundy, Girl Genius
 
A Clockwork Orange is the New Black
 
True Detective Meets World

So, do we go with Groucho as Batman, with Chico as the joker and Harpo (in drag) as Harley Quinn, or Groucho as the Joker, Chico as Batman, and Harpo as Robin? (Either way, Zeppo is Commissioner Gordon, and Margret Dumont is Catwoman.)

Dance Dance Communist Revolution! Stalin vs. Trotsky under the roof of the Moscow Ballet!
 
Braveheart of Darkness  (I don't want to know. I don't even want to imagine what this might look like)
 
Red Dawn Showgirls (This might be a better movie than either of the movies they actually produced, or it might suck so badly that even Ross Perot couldn't imagine the sound.)

From Dusk Til Dawn of the Planet of the Apes

Tonight, I ran an adventure titled "The Secret Origin of Mechanon" because I'm not a fan of the one in Book of the Machine and my world has a weird history, but it's not Champions without Mechanon. Some very special quotes are below. Due to a character named El Caminante creating a Klein Bottle in a temporal echo zone, my entire game almost became "Mechanon and the Mecha Men."
 
Basically, Mechanon was "created" when an American satellite named the N1-MK1 crashed in Africa after falling through a radiation belt. The "camera" and recording apparatus/computer was the source of Mechanon's origin. However, this created a quantum "echo" that wouldn't appear until present day. In 1957, the Americans and Russians sent superteams to retrieve the key data from the satellite. The Americans retrieved what they believed was the key information, but one of the russians secretly palmed the operational (irradiated) core and brought it back to Russia. He didn't even tell his fellow team members. Over time, mechanon built itself and began it's plans.
 
So the Quantum echo occurs. The russians go to investigate. The PC's team hears of the echo and goes to investigate. Well...Mechanon, sensing a familiar signal without really understanding it, shows up.
 
So they fiddle around with the Quantum echo for a while and accidentally displace themselves a couple times, only El Caminante decides to use his MOBIUS FIELD power to teleport inside the Quantum Echo. Well, he successfully reached the center. Unfortunately, all he got out before Mechanon shot him in the face and kayoed him in a single shot was "Mechanon! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"
 
So the Russians and the PC's (after a brief explanation) fight Mechanon. And Mechanon isn't just winning. He's demolishing them. So El Caminante decides to put Mechanon in a Klein Bottle. (Yes. Inside the Quantum Echo. Clearly this is a great idea!)
 
Augenblick: DON'T DO IT! OOC: Do you really want to be the subject of the "I can't believe my players did this really stupid thing last night story?"
 
Me: OOC: No, this is more like you saying the same thing you said to Ryan in Mind over Matter. "I've done some pretty dumb things in Mike's game over the years, but this one has them all beat!"
 
Mechanon: You are the most dangerous one here! DIE!
 
Players (Except El Caminante): WE AGREE WITH MECHANON!
 
El Caminante misses. A Klein Bottle hangs oddly next to Mechanon.
 
Dr. Pranava's Player: I have never wanted a player to miss a villain so much! Oh my god!
 
(Game stops with laughter for five minutes here)
 
So Augenblick teleports the satellite into the path of Mechanon's attack. The satellite explodes, demolishing the Klein Bottle. The quantum backlash destroys Mechanon, who screams "NOOOOOOOOOO!" as he falls to the ground as a limp heap of parts.
 
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
 
Augenblick: "I wish to study you, but not invasively."
 
---------------------------------------------------------------------
 
 Augenblick (To El Caminante):                 "You have no understanding of your powers. Perhaps I could introduce you to a course in remedial quantum physics.
 
Shih Lin Yuan, the Dragon Sorceress: Excuse me? But how exactly does "remedial" enter into quantum physics?
 
--------------------------------------------------------------------
 
El Caminante's Player: So what would have happened if I had rolled an 18.
 
Me: There would have been a sickening pop, and you all would have to come back next week for the heroic adventures of "Mechanon and the Mecha Men!"

One of these won't be released for months, but so what...
 
When Rome is threatened, the insane emperor releases it's mighty heroic defenders!
 
Big Nero Six!

Mobsters vs Aliens

I don't know as this is what you're looking for, but I always thought it was appropriate for a world where superpowers are real--
 
"Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man's character, give him power”--Abraham Lincoln

A small dragon escapes a computer game causing freindly havoc in Manhattan
 
Yellow Rose of Spyro

Ugh.
 
I shall become a pervert in an bat suit!
 
Mike Meyers is Bruce Wayne in Blind Furry Convention!
 
50 Shades of G.I. Joe

Darkwalker on Moonshae, Texas Ranger
 
Robinson Crusoe meets Animal Farm in...Sheepwrecked
 
Lord of the Flies Dance
 
Die Hard Without A Trace (There are a lot of ways to make this movie, but the best one is 100 minutes of a blank screen)

George of the blackboard jungle
 
Like Water for Chocolate Easter Bunnies

The same thing. Only with feeling.

Reign over Me, Myself, and Irene
 
Reign of Fire Down Below

Last of the Boy Scout Mohicans
 
Zardoz: Ecks vs. Sever
 
Harold and Kumar Go to Logan's Run

The Long Dark Teatime of the Soul Train
 
Hitchhiker's Guide to the Guardians of the Galaxy
 
So Long and Thanks for All the Rumble Fish
 
Restaurant Wars at the End of the Universe

They Shoot Horse Whispers Don't They
 
The Apple Dumpling Gang Related

Watership Down Among the Dead Men
 
What's Eating Gilbert Grapes of Wrath?
 
How Green was My Valley Girl?

Captain Americathon: The Winter Soldiers of Fortune
 
The Mighty Wild Geese

Captain Americathon: The Winter Soldiers of Fortune
 
The Mighty Wild Geese

'
And whenever his Tardis lands on a boat, it sinks.

The Count of Monty Python
 
Brokeback Godzilla at the Mountains of Madness

A horse is a horse, of course, of course,
Unless it's Radical Ed.