My Summer Vacation: A Short Story

[Trebuchet]

Cassandra Johannsen

Sixth Grade English

Mrs. Castillo

My Summer Vacation

 

My dad owns the J Bar J cattle ranch and we also take guests in the summer. Usually these are fat old men or sometimes married couples with kids. This year was different. When the first dudes arrived Friday morning they were pulling a horse trailer of their own and they were two women! I watched them stop and get out of their SUV. One was a blonde woman with glasses. The other one was a blonde girl as tall as me with two braids down to her waist. I walked over to say hi. The woman introduced herself as Sarah. The girl’s was Pavla. I said that’s an unusual name. I thought they were mother and daughter but they said no they were just friends. Sarah said she was 36, and Pavla was 21. I’ve never met an adult my size before. Sarah and Pavla were from Norway! Norway is in Europe. They flew all the way across the Atlantic Ocean to ride horses on our ranch!

 

Pavla and Sarah stepped out of the big silver Suburban and Sarah looked around doubtfully at the picturesque ranch just north of the Lincoln National Forest. “I don’t know, Pavla, it seems sort of small.”

 

“Small? It is perfect! We wanted someplace out of the way so we could relax, did we not? And what could possibly be more out of the way than ‘historic Lincoln County, New Mexico, where Pat Garrett lived and Billy the Kid died’?” She grinned enthusiastically and bounced on her toes, as usual a bundle of barely constrained energy. “And unless I am mistaken, here comes our welcoming committee.” The women watched as a pony-tailed girl of about twelve exploded out of the ranch house door and scrambled towards them across the graveled driveway.

 

“Hi! Are you the new dudes… er, I mean guests? I’m Cassandra Johannsen, but you can call me Cassie! This is my dad’s ranch! What are your names? Did you bring your own horses?”

 

The two women shared a looked of amusement before Sarah answered. “Hi, Cassie, it’s nice to meet you. Yes, we’re your new ‘dudes.’ My name is Sarah Richmond, and this is my friend Pavla Sergetov.” She extended her hand and the girl gravely shook it, then Pavla’s hand.

 

“Pavla? That’s a weird name! She’s not your mom? Sarah’s pretty old, like in her thirties! Almost as old as my dad. But you can’t be more than a couple years older than I am. I’m twelve.”

 

“No, actually I have nine more years than you. I am twenty-one years old,” Pavla replied.

 

“Hey! Thirty-six isn’t ‘old’!” objected Sarah.

 

“Where are you guys from?” asked Cassie.

 

“We live in Norway, but we travel all over the world. We are on vacation now; and I wanted to ride my horse on the open range.” Her slight European accent and precise enunciation confirmed her foreign origin.

 

“Cool! I’ve never seen a guest bring their own horse before. Let’s get your horse unloaded and I’ll show you the stables. Come on!” She ran over to the horse trailer and unlatched the rear gate. “Oh wow! An Appaloosa!” Cassie watched as Pavla expertly backed the spotted gray stallion out of the trailer, then looked him over appraisingly. “He’s beautiful! Look at that deep chest! I’ll bet he’s fast! What’s his name?”

 

“Comanche.”

 

“That’s a good name! I have a horse too, his name is Lucky ‘cause he’s got a horseshoe shaped mark on his forehead! He’s a registered Quarter Horse!” Cassie said proudly. She let Comanche sniff her and gently stroked the spirited stallion’s nose to calm him, then led him off towards the stables, singing happily as she went. Clearly the girl had a way with horses.

 

“Well, she’s certainly energetic enough!,” exclaimed Sarah. “In fact, except for the auburn hair she seems appallingly similar to someone else I know,” she observed darkly.

 

“What exactly are you implying?” Pavla asked with raised eyebrow, trying hard to keep a straight face.

 

“Oh, I’m not implying anything. That was clearly an explicit statement of scientific fact!” The older woman was often hard pressed to keep up with her best friend’s nearly inexhaustible energy, but that was part of why they’d become so close. Left on her own, Sarah knew she tended to withdraw into her physics laboratory or the pages of a science fiction novel. But if Pavla thought her friend had been playing the reclusive geek too long she wouldn’t hesitate to drag Sarah off to go swimming, horseback riding, or shopping. Sarah liked Pavla’s joie de vivre and irrepressible enthusiasm. Pavla, on the other hand, admired the older woman’s calmer nature and sense of purpose. Their relationship was more that of older and younger sisters than just friends.

 

“Do you think they’ll have a gentle horse for me to ride?” Although Sarah often went riding with Pavla back in Norway, her riding skills didn’t even approach her friend’s. A spirited animal like Comanche was far too high strung for her to ride; Pavla by contrast rode her beloved stallion like they were two halves of a centaur.

 

“I am sure they will. Come on, let us get our gear unpacked.” She opened the rear door of the Suburban and started pulling out suitcases. Sarah shook her head in resignation. Saddled with two human dynamos for ten days, somehow she doubted this was going to be a restful vacation.

 

The other four guests arrived Friday evening and Saturday morning. They were all men. As usual the first day my dad assigned them all, including the two women, basic ranching chores. That way he could see how well they worked and rode and what he needed to teach them.

 

Sarah was a pretty typical guest and learned ranching OK. She liked to talk to me and play the piano with me after dinner. She didn’t think the fact I liked math and science was weird at all. She said those were her best subjects in school too. When I asked what she did she said she was a scientist. When I told her I wanted to be a scientist too when I grow up she said that was cool. I liked her a lot. It was almost like having my Mom back.

 

Pavla acted as if doing ordinary ranching chores was the most fun she’d had in ages. It didn’t matter if she was digging a fencepost hole, currying the horses, repairing a barbed wire fence, tossing hay down from the loft, or even mucking out the horses’ stalls. Dad said she was a better hand than most of the men he paid to work. Pavla was also the first person since I was nine I didn’t beat at chess. I found out later she was rated a Grandmaster which means she’s really really good. She was one of the best riders I’ve ever seen. The only thing she didn’t know was roping and she picked that up really quick. She was more like a friend my own age than an adult even if it was pretty weird that she liked to do chores.

 

Richard Johannsen smiled contentedly as Cassie chatted merrily with the two young women Sunday evening after dinner. Since her mother had been killed in an automobile accident near Alamogordo almost three years earlier their house had been devoid of feminine influence, and had exacerbated what had already been a marked tendency towards tomboyishness on Cassie’s part. But in three days these two young ladies – and they were ladies – had connected with Cassandra in a fundamental way her father simply hadn’t been able to. Without being unfeminine in any way they had adamantly refused to allow themselves to be pushed around or manhandled by the other guests or the ranch hands who worked for him. Richard couldn’t imagine two better, if very different, role models for his young tornado of a daughter. Cassandra had even been spotted wearing a dress (undoubtedly borrowed from Pavla) for the first time since her mother’s funeral. While Pavla Sergetov was the only person he’d ever met who actually made his daughter seem slothful; Sarah Richmond exuded a sort of “eye of the hurricane” calm around her friend and his daughter which he found increasingly beguiling. When Cassie and Pavla ran out into the yard and started an impromptu game of tag, Richard and Sarah wandered onto the front porch and watched the sun disappear behind the Sacramento Mountains in a typically glorious wash of reds and purples, and he couldn’t help admiring how striking his blonde dinner companion was in her yellow sundress. He grinned broadly as Cassie squealed in mock outrage when Pavla tagged her and then thundered off in hot pursuit of her braided nemesis.“Your friend really likes to play with Cassie.”

 

“She never really got to play when she was a child. She lost her parents when she was still a kid, but even before that she was working too hard. A Norwegian family took her in, and she still lives with them.”

 

He nodded in understanding. “Cassie’s mom died when she was eight, so I’m not surprised they’ve hit it off.”

 

“This is Pavla’s first real vacation ever. We’ve been friends for three years, but I must confess I’ve never seen her quite this… boisterous. I think they’re a bad influence on each other.” Sarah shook her head fondly.

 

“She’s a beautiful girl, but she’s certainly quite a handful.”

 

“Which one were you referring to?” The two thirtysomethings shared a mutual chuckle.

 

After a couple days of training the guests all knew enough to help the cowhands and my dad with the roundup. My dad doesn’t normally let me ride the roundup but this year he did I think because Sarah and Pavla were there. I was so excited that I’d be able to spend more time with my new friends! I hurried to get my sleeping bag and other gear ready. It normally takes about four or five days to round up and then move the herd fifty-five miles to the corral so we’d be gone just about a week. We finally rode out just after six o’clock in the morning Monday. It was cool outside so I wore a sweater under my denim jacket. Sarah was wearing a warm coat, but Pavla seemed fine in only a checkered flannel shirt. She had a really ugly brown hat so I gave her my tan Stetson with the braided horsehair hatband as a gift. It’s probably hard to get good cowboy hats in Norway.

 

Cassie didn’t have any particular duties to perform on the trail, so she alternated between riding around with either Sarah or Pavla and acting as a sort of gopher for the other guests and ranch hands. Not surprisingly she spent the majority of her unclaimed time riding with the two women. Late in the afternoon they reached the roundup camp. Except for Pavla all the guests were exhausted and saddle sore after nearly nine hours on the trail. Even the seemingly inexhaustible Cassie looked a bit wilted. Fortunately the chow truck had arrived hours earlier, so their tents were already set up and dinner was ready. A hearty meal of grilled steak, potato salad, and corn on the cob reinvigorated everyone.

 

I chatted with Pavla and Sarah a lot while we rode to our base camp. When we finally got to camp I was pretty beat so Pavla took my saddle and gear off Lucky and curried and watered him for me. After dinner we sat around the campfire and sang songs and told stories. Dad played his guitar and Frank Gonzales had a harmonica. Sarah had a really nice singing voice. Pavla juggled seven rocks at once! I noticed my dad and Sarah seemed to be spending a lot of time together. When I mentioned it later to Pavla she just smiled and said “It is about time. For a brain, sometimes she can be pretty slow.” She wouldn’t explain what she meant by that. I don’t understand adults sometimes.

 

“She’s very talented,” Richard observed as he and Sarah sat side by side watching Pavla juggle by the fire.

 

“You should see her ski sometime.”

 

He laughed, then his expression turned serious. “I know who you are, Sarah.”

 

“Excuse me?” Sarah turned to him in surprise.

 

“Dr. Sarah Richmond, recipient of the 2003 Nobel Prize in Physics for proving the existence of dark matter. I’ve got the January 2004 National Geographic with you on the cover. When you first booked your visit the name seemed familiar, so when you arrived I pulled out my back issue to be sure.” His tone of voice was clearly admiring.

 

“Oh,” Sarah replied in a small voice. She hadn’t realized it would be so simple to find out about her.

 

“I try to keep up with the outside world. This isn’t the nineteenth century any more; we’ve even got the Internet out here. I’ve got a master’s degree in animal husbandry and a B.S. in chemistry from Texas A&M.”

 

Sarah flushed as she realized of all people she should know that surface appearances could be highly deceiving. It didn’t help that he bore a more than passing resemblance to her favorite movie hunk, Viggo Mortensen, the Swedish actor from Peter Jackson’s The Lord of the Rings trilogy. Pavla was already teasing her about it; the wretch. She looked at Cassie’s father, suddenly acutely aware of how awful she must look after a long day of riding. Their eyes met and Sarah blushed even more deeply. In her limited experience most men seemed to find her intellect intimidating; she wasn’t sure how to react to a man who clearly found it attractive. Not that the attraction was entirely one sided, she admitted to herself.

 

Near sunset on Wednesday we finally got hit with a thunderstorm. It looked like it would be a real beauty as it rolled up from the southwest past the Sacramento Mountains. The lightning and thunder were amazing even from miles away. Dad had all the outriders gathering the cattle herd in as closely as possible to our hillside camp. Herds always scatter during storms because the thunder and lightning frightens them. Getting them close would make it easier to round them up again after the storm had passed. Right when it started raining lightly I saw one of our cows over by a narrow arroyo to the south of the herd. I recognized her as one who had recently calved, but I couldn’t see her calf. I thought he might have fallen into the arroyo so I rode over to look. Sure enough her calf was bawling twelve feet down. He looked scared but OK. I thought of calling for help but no one was close so I decided to do it myself. I rode Lucky west about seventy yards to a steep slope and took him carefully down into the arroyo. There was already a foot of water at the bottom. I’d just gotten to the calf when it started to rain hard. I knew I was in big trouble if I didn’t get out of there fast! I roped the calf and started pulling him towards the exit as fast as I could. The water was rising fast and was almost up to his shoulders!

 

“Where’s Cassie?” Richard asked Pavla and Sarah anxiously. “It’s getting ugly out here.” Indeed, the looming black storm clouds had made the early evening skies almost as dark as midnight. Deafening thunder and gusting winds made it necessary for them to all but shout to be heard even a few feet away.

 

“She is probably still helping pull in the herd,” replied Pavla as she finished pulling on her oilcloth duster. Sarah had been wearing a waterproof poncho all day as protection from the wind.

 

“I saw her about fifteen minutes ago. She was heading to the southeast.” Sarah said. She paused as a few drops of rain hit her cheek, then rapidly turned into a frigid downpour. “I think we’d better find her, and quickly.”

 

“We’ll split up. Sarah, you go east. I’ll look southeast, and Pavla you take the south.” He briefly considered summoning a couple more of his hands to help, but just as quickly realized he didn’t trust any of them more than he trusted these two women. If anyone could find her, they would.

 

The stupid calf couldn’t get up the slope to safety by himself. Lucky couldn’t quite make it up with me on his back and pulling the calf. I lashed the rope around the saddle horn and dismounted. The water felt ice cold! I stood in the water and slapped Lucky’s rear hard. He ran right up pulling the calf behind him. They were safe! I tried to crawl up the slope but kept sliding back down the slippery mud. The water was getting higher and it was really strong. If I couldn’t get out then I figured I’d better find something to hold onto. About a hundred yards away I saw an old fir tree on the south side of the arroyo downstream with some exposed roots hanging into the arroyo and figured I could hang onto those. I knew I needed to hurry because the water was over my waist and my legs were getting stiff from the cold. I moved towards the tree carefully. The water almost swept me off my feet a couple of times but I was able to grab the roots a minute later and pull myself partway up out of the water. I was soaking wet and wished I’d worn something warmer than a denim jacket.

 

Pavla had ridden over the low hills towards the south for only fifteen minutes before she spotted Lucky and two cows huddled in the rain near a deep arroyo, but she couldn’t see Cassie anywhere. She urged Comanche to greater speed. She rode up right to the arroyo’s edge a moment later, and her heart lurched as she saw the raging torrent below. Fast moving bits of wood and drowned animals showed how powerful the current was. There was no sign of Cassie. Figuring there was no way the girl could have moved against the flood from where Lucky was, Pavla turned Comanche east and jogged along the north bank shouting Cassie’s name. “Cassie! Where are you? Cassie!” She was beginning to fear the worst, but she wouldn’t stop searching until she found her young friend.

 

Pretty soon the water had risen almost to my shoulders and I couldn’t climb any higher. My arms and hands were sore and cramped from hanging onto the tree roots but I was afraid to let go for even a minute to relieve the ache. I was shivering so hard my teeth were chattering. Then I heard someone yelling my name. I turned my head and saw Pavla riding Comanche along the opposite bank of the arroyo. I’d never been so glad to see anyone in my life! I called her name and she saw me.

 

Just then Pavla heard Cassie. “P-Pavla! O-over here!” She pulled up Comanche and looked across the arroyo at a scrawny tree. Then she saw Cassie clinging to some of the tree’s exposed roots, the water over her chest. “Cassie! Are you OK?”

 

“I’m r-r-really c-c-cold, b-but I’m all r-right!” The relief on Cassie’s face matched her own, but Pavla could see the girl was in more distress than she was letting on. Unstoppable shivering was not a good sign.

 

“Hold on! I will throw you a rope!” Pavla dismounted on a protruding section of earth just across from Cassie and grabbed the thirty-foot-long lasso hanging from her saddle horn.

 

“O-k-kay!”

 

Pavla swung the lasso around and threw the end right over to Cassie, but Cassie didn’t move a muscle. “What is wrong?”

 

“I c-can’t let g-go! My h-hands are t-too c-c-cramped!” Pavla could tell Cassie was on the verge of panic.

 

Having been raised in northern Russia, Pavla recognized the symptoms immediately – Cassie was suffering from hypothermia. Her muscles were cramping up from loss of body heat, and her strength and coordination were also diminished. That meant she not only needed to be pulled out of the water promptly, she needed to be warmed up soon or she could freeze to death. “All right, Cassie! Just stay there; I am going to come get you!” She tied one end of the lasso securely to Comanche’s saddle horn, then held on to the other end and took a running leap towards the edge. Her twenty-five foot jump landed her precisely at Cassie’s position and she grabbed one of the tree roots to hang onto. Pavla pulled off her duster and helped Cassie put it on. She hugged Cassie closely for a few minutes to help warm her, then started rubbing the girl’s hands and arms to warm them up. “OK, honey, I am going to carry you on my back. I want you to wrap your arms around my neck and hold on tight. Do you think you can do that?” When Cassie nodded, Pavla smiled. “Good girl!”

 

Pavla tried to throw me a rope but I was too stiff to grab it. I told her I couldn’t do it because my hands were cramped. She said she’d come and get me. A few seconds later she somehow managed to jump twenty feet across the arroyo to me! She gave me her duster and rubbed my hands to get some warmth back in them. Then she asked if I could hang onto her back while she pulled us back to safety. I said I could and so we started moving back across the stream. The water pressure swung us over hard against the north bank. I could hear Pavla grunting with effort as she struggled to pull us both up the rope against the powerful current. It was slow going but she was doing it!

 

The two young women were about a third of the way up the length of rope when a waterlogged old fencepost, traveling nearly twenty-five miles per hour with the current, struck Pavla squarely on her right shoulder. The sledgehammer-like impact snapped her shoulder blade like kindling, and she screamed in agony and released the rope clenched in her right hand. Although only semiconscious she somehow managed to keep her hold on the rope with her left hand, but any possibility of her climbing that rope to safety was now over.

 

Then I felt a thump and Pavla screamed! She let go of the rope with her right hand and I knew she’d been hurt somehow! I heard her coughing like she’d swallowed some water wrong. A moment later she asked me in a weak voice if I was all right. I said I was OK. Then she wanted to know if I was strong enough to climb the rope myself. I told her I didn’t think so. She said I’d probably better try because she didn’t know how much longer she could hold on to the rope with only one hand. I thought about that and told my friend I wasn’t going to leave her.

 

Richard watched silently as Sarah came galloping down from the north. The expression on her face said she didn’t have good news.

 

“I ran into Frank and he said was certain she wasn’t up further north, so I thought I’d come help you,” she said.

 

“I was about to look south. Let’s go!” The two riders turned their mounts and headed south at a trot. Ten minutes later a flash of lightning lit up Lucky and Comanche and the pair spurred their horses to a gallop.

 

“Richard, look!” Sarah shouted as they got close. “There’s a rope tied to Comanche’s saddle, and it’s pulled taut over the edge!”

 

“They may still be in the arroyo!” Richard replied, feeling a faint glimmer of hope.

 

They hurriedly dismounted near Comanche. Richard flicked on his flashlight and looked carefully over the edge into the raging torrent six feet below. About ten feet away they could see Pavla and Cassie; up to their necks in the cold water. Cassie was clinging to Pavla’s back, but Pavla was holding onto the rope with only one hand and it was obvious something was wrong.

 

“Cassie! Pavla! We’re up here! Are you all right?”

 

“D-da-a-ddy! I’m o-k-kay, b-but P-Pavla’s hurt-t-t!” Cassie’s face was pale and her lips were blue with cold.

 

“Hang on, sweetheart! I’m coming down to get you!” Richard shouted, then turned in surprise as Sarah reached over and stopped him.

 

“No, Richard. It’s much too dangerous. I’ll do it.” In the darkness he couldn’t see her face clearly, but strangely it now seemed blacker than the night and her eyes appeared to be glowing with an inner light. He gasped in astonishment as another flash of lightning briefly illuminated her and he realized he wasn’t mistaken – her entire body had turned totally black except for shock-white hair and glowing white eyes. She leapt confidently into the maelstrom below with an impact that made the very ground shake, and his jaw dropped as he suddenly realized who Sarah and her friend Pavla must be.

 

“I’m here, Pavla. I’ve got you.” The raging water broke against her ebon back as if it had no more force than a garden hose, and she gently picked up both girls and flew them up to rejoin Richard.

 

“I knew you would come, Sil. You always do,” her best friend mumbled weakly just before collapsing into unconsciousness.

 

A few minutes later Sarah and my dad came and rescued Pavla and me. The paramedics came and took us to the hospital in Roswell in an ambulance! I had hypothermia which means my body temperature got too low. They put me in electric blankets and gave me hot lemonade to warm me up. Pavla’s shoulder was broken so the doctors set it and put it in a big cast. We both stayed in the hospital overnight. Sarah and my dad fell asleep holding hands in our hospital room. We were real glad to go home the next day. All I wanted to do was sit in front of the fireplace and drink hot chocolate. I can’t wait for my friends to come visit again!

[Trebuchet]

Re: My Summer Vacation: A Short Story

 

Sarah Richmond is Blackjack's PC Silhouette, and Pavla Sergetov is of course my own character Zl'f. They are close friends in our MidGuard campaign.

 

I wrote this story largely to explore their friendship and personalities, and also to introduce a couple of (potential) DNPC's. Blackjack and I have discussed doing a "Silhouette and Zl'f duo adventure" for a year or so. This story developed out of that idea.

[Cardinal]

Re: My Summer Vacation: A Short Story

 

Good stuff.

[Supreme Serpent]

Re: My Summer Vacation: A Short Story

 

 

But good luck getting a sixth-grader to write that much.

[Zed-F]

Re: My Summer Vacation: A Short Story

 

Good story.

[El Tripon]

Re: My Summer Vacation: A Short Story

 

Nice job Trebuchet. You captured Silhouette's speech patterns perfectly. Often I could hear Blackjack speaking the words in my minds "ear." No promises, but perhaps I can run a duo game for you two during spring break.

[Trebuchet]

Re: My Summer Vacation: A Short Story

 

Nice job Trebuchet. You captured Silhouette's speech patterns perfectly. Often I could hear Blackjack speaking the words in my minds "ear." No promises' date=' but perhaps I can run a duo game for you two during spring break.[/quote']Thanks, El Tripon.

 

As you might expect I vetted the story past Blackjack while I was writing it (started writing last week, Feb 13th) and he was very pleased with my portrayal of Silhouette. To use his own words he thought I'd "nailed her five by five". I was a bit concerned about inflicting a possibly unwanted romance on his PC in a story and not even a game, but he really liked that part of it. In any case the "budding romance" between Richard and Sarah is vague enough to allow any desired resolution. Based on his reaction (and Sarah's ), I suspect we'll see Richard and Cassie Johannsen again.

 

We'd love a duo game.

[AliceTheOwl]

Re: My Summer Vacation: A Short Story

 

Yep. I still like it.

 

And the bold/normal formatting definitely keeps the sections separated out nicely without being too distracting or taking away from the story.

 

You're really good at slipping into your character's voices, Treb, which I hadn't seen as well with previous pieces I'd read. In this, the voice comes out really well. Excellent job. ^ v ^

[zornwil]

Re: My Summer Vacation: A Short Story

 

Excellent stuff, a good read. I liked the device you used of the alternating stories.

[Trebuchet]

Re: My Summer Vacation: A Short Story

 

From the Roswell, New Mexico, Times-Dispatch, Friday, August 25, 2006:

 

Nobel Prize Winner Saves Local Girl, Tourist, from Flash Flood

 

Roswell, NM - A local girl and a young Norwegian tourist were rescued from drowning Wednesday evening by the winner of the 2003 Nobel Prize in Physics.

 

Dr. Sarah Richmond, 36, was on vacation at the J Bar J Ranch near Lincoln, NM, when Cassandra Johannsen, 12, daughter of Richard Johannsen, owner of the J Bar J, and another guest, Pavla Sergetov, 21, of Oslo, Norway, got caught in an arroyo during a severe thunderstorm. Richmond and Sergetov initially joined Johannsen in searching for his missing daughter. Sergetov found the girl first but then herself got caught in the flood waters when she tried to pull the girl out. Richmond and the girl's father came upon the two clinging to a rope in the flooded arroyo and pulled them to safety from the turbulent waters. Johanssen was unequivocal in asserting that if not for the help of Richmond his daughter and guest would almost certainly have perished.

 

Miss Johannsen was suffering from moderate hypothermia; Miss Sergetov suffered a broken shoulder blade. Both young women were transported via ambulance to Roswell Medical Center, treated, and released the following day. Dr. Richmond said she just did what any normal person would do upon seeing a child in danger. Miss Sergetov declined to be interviewed. Dr. Richmond is originally from Toronto, Canada, but now resides in Norway.

[Dr. Anomaly]

Re: My Summer Vacation: A Short Story

 

Excellent work, Treb; I'm only sorry it took me until now to get over here and read it!

[Trebuchet]

Re: My Summer Vacation: A Short Story

 

Thanks for all the kind words, folks! I'm overwhelmed by the response, and am already planning a sequel since Blackjack has indicated he's interested in having Sarah follow up her budding romance with Richard. So there's no doubt we'll be visiting the J Bar J Ranch again.

 

Now if I can just think of a suitable scenario...

 

Suggestions welcome. (Hint, hint.)

[AliceTheOwl]

Re: My Summer Vacation: A Short Story

 

A slight criticism of the article, Treb: most newspaper articles are written with a third grade reading level. Yours is written at about an eighth grade level. Also, qualifiers are discouraged.

 

Were I to write a sequel to the above (granted, I'm not writing it, so take this with a grain of salt), I'd write a hostage scenario where a villain read between the lines and kidnapped the Johannsens to lure in Zl'f and Silhouette. Or, perhaps, attempted to, and are searching for them when our heroes arrive on the scene.

 

Another possibility is that, for whatever reason, the land shoots up in value and they can't afford the property taxes any longer, then the heroes visit for one last vacation before the place will be no more.

 

Er, sorry. That's all I got.

[Trebuchet]

Re: My Summer Vacation: A Short Story

 

A slight criticism of the article' date=' Treb: most newspaper articles are written with a third grade reading level. Yours is written at about an eighth grade level. Also, qualifiers are discouraged.[/quote']Well, this is a small town newspaper. Perhaps they don't have a staff as "qualified" as the New York Times.

 

To be honest, I just can't make myself write for that low a common denominator. Writing for (as) a bright sixth grader was challenging enough; at least I've seen sixth grade writing (My GF taught sixth grade for 19 years before moving down to first).

 

Were I to write a sequel to the above (granted, I'm not writing it, so take this with a grain of salt), I'd write a hostage scenario where a villain read between the lines and kidnapped the Johannsens to lure in Zl'f and Silhouette. Or, perhaps, attempted to, and are searching for them when our heroes arrive on the scene.

Well, nobody except the Johannsens know who Zl'f and Silhouette really are. But of course that doesn't mean Sarah Richmond or Pavla Sergetov might not have enemies in their own right...

[OddHat]

Re: My Summer Vacation: A Short Story

 

Very well done. I enjoyed the interplay between all four characters.

 

Cassandra, the truth speaker who won't shut up and who no one believes. Excellent name choice for this character, and an interesting potential DNPC.

 

A Secret ID coupled with OIHID powers is a real limitation; nicely portrayed.

 

I think I'd have liked to see the budding romance between Sarah and the rancher fleshed out little more. The mutual attraction I bought; the shopping for a mom for his girl element was true to life, and the rest of the elements that make Sarah attractive were absolutely in place. I think I'd have liked to see more of what Sarah found attractive in the rancher. Looks do mean something, and he's a good dad, educated, and a successful businessman in a romantic field; all of that counts. Still, we only see her really admiring the looks. Maybe a scene where she watches him with his daughter? It's slightly over-used, but it's also a real world scenario that plays out fairly often.

 

Anyway, repped, and looking forward to any future instalments.

[Trebuchet]

Re: My Summer Vacation: A Short Story

 

Thanks, OH! I'm really glad you enjoyed it. This was the first story I've ever written that seemed to write itself; the trick was to not make it too long.

 

I probably would have put in a bit more of the developing relationship between Sarah and Richard if I hadn't been determined to keep this a short story. I'd originally planned it to be 4 - 4½ pages in length; it ended up at a full six even though I cut out several scenes (Some of which in retrospect I'm very happy I did). As I indicated earlier, Blackjack is enthusiastic about expanding the romance so I will almost certainly write more about them. But ultimately this story was intended more to explore the friendship between Zl'f and Silhouette; the Johannsens were just intended to provided a focal point. That they turned into much better characters as I wrote the story than originally planned was just a bit of serendipity; in fact I hadn't planned the romance at all when I started writing. It just sort of happened (Kinda like the real thing!). Cassie's school assignment was meant as the story hook; Richard just had to be there.

 

As to the points of attraction; Richard Johannsen is good looking, educated, loves his daughter deeply, possesses a sense of humor similar to Sarah's, knows what it's like to hang around with a human tornado, is not intimidated by her intellect and/or credentials, and clearly likes spending time with Sarah. What's not to like besides the fact he lives 5100 miles away (a trivial detail in the age of e-mail and when the MidGuard starship can get Silhouette from Oslo to central New Mexico in less than half an hour)? Heck, my GF and I have managed 25 years with only half those qualities going for me!

[AliceTheOwl]

Re: My Summer Vacation: A Short Story

 

Well' date=' this [i']is[/i] a small town newspaper. Perhaps they don't have a staff as "qualified" as the New York Times.

I suppose that's true, though everything I've ever learned about writing journalistically says the same thing. I grew up with a relatively small-town newspaper, and theirs was at a fourth-to-sixth grade reading level. The idea is that you want to write in a way that most of your readers can follow; you write to your audience. So while I do believe that a reporter in a smaller town might not have heard of that rule, he might've figured out after a while that half his readers weren't following what he was saying after he got some letters.

 

Well' date=' nobody except the Johannsens know who Zl'f and Silhouette really are. But of course that doesn't mean Sarah Richmond or Pavla Sergetov might not have enemies in their own right... [/quote']

Also a good possibility.

[zornwil]

Re: My Summer Vacation: A Short Story

 

Well, also, it is actually a short story (or does it even qualify as a "short short story"?) and so escapes any real judgement as a newspaper article, anyway, even from a "realistic" perspective.

[AliceTheOwl]

Re: My Summer Vacation: A Short Story

 

Well' date=' also, it is actually a short story (or does it even qualify as a "short short story"?) and so escapes any real judgement as a newspaper article, anyway, even from a "realistic" perspective.[/quote']

I demand realism in my short fiction!

 

Well, not really, but 4 years of workshop Creative Writing classes make for a hard habit to shake, even after all this time. I MUST find something to nitpick, or I'll get a C!

[Basil]

Re: My Summer Vacation: A Short Story

 

Great stuff!

 

I'll keep an eye out for more.

[ghost-angel]

Re: My Summer Vacation: A Short Story

 

The flow was very well done, too often people tell instead of show in their stories and I read none of that here. Good stuff. I especially liked the switch back between the What I Did This Summer report and the actual story.

 

v.cool

[Trebuchet]

Re: My Summer Vacation: A Short Story

 

The flow was very well done, too often people tell instead of show in their stories and I read none of that here. Good stuff. I especially liked the switch back between the What I Did This Summer report and the actual story.

 

v.cool

Thanks for the kind words.

 

This was the first time I tried using "first person" narrative (via Cassie's report); although I used character thoughts to some extent in all the others. I wanted the two portions of the story to complement one another rather than be redundant. So I kept Cassie's point of view much less complicated (as befits a 12-year-old) than the narrative portions, but I also always had her portions provide at least some information which wasn't in the narrative to keep them from becoming superfluous to the story. And of course some of her story was written to make her come out looking better than her actual behavior at the time.

 

This was the fourth short story I've written about one of my player characters. Two others I've published here on the Hero boards (One in the Champions forum; the other in the Pulp Hero forum); a third long one about Zl'f remains unfinished after over three years although it's 95% complete.

 

It was a pretty successful writing experiment as far as I'm concerned, and I'm taking a serious look at whether I want to rewrite all 40 pages (so far!) of my unfinished story to use a similar method. It would be a pretty big task, but it might finally let me finish the story. I'm also going to consider using a first person narrative from Zl'f's POV for the entire story, but that faces some enormous difficulties since there is information I want the reader to have but not her.

[Trebuchet]

Followup to My Summer Vacation

 

This takes place two years after the events of My Summer Vacation:

 

 

After a late dinner on the third day of their visit Sarah and Richard curled up comfortably together on the front porch swing and watched the sun set over the Sacramento Mountains while Cassie and Pavla cleaned up the kitchen.

 

“I’ve noticed Pavla seems a bit subdued this visit,” Richard said quietly. “Anyone else I’d think was hyperactive, but her? Even Cassie’s noticed it. Is she sick?”

 

“She never gets sick. Well, almost never,” Sarah corrected, remembering a dreadful day over two years ago when her friend had nearly died from accidental exposure to an alien biotoxin 100 light years from Earth. “I think something has been bothering her lately, but it’s gotten worse since we came out here. But she hasn’t told me anything; and I don’t want to pry.”

 

They heard the phone ring in the house and Cassie’s loud “I got it!” A few seconds later they heard her exclamation of delight.

 

“Hey dad! Jessica’s big sister Marisella just had her baby! It’s a boy!”

 

“That’s great, Cass! We’ll send her some flowers tomorrow.”

 

A few seconds later the porch’s screen door slammed open and Pavla rushed past them without a word and ran out to the stables. Cassie came out a moment later with a puzzled expression on her face; the cordless phone still in her hand. “Did I say something wrong? She was fine until Jessica’s phone call, then she got this weird look on her face and ran out.”

 

“We’d better go see if she’s all right,” Richard said as he stood up.

 

“No, Richard.” Sarah put her hand on his chest. “This is probably a ‘girl thing.’ I’ll go talk to her.” She took a deep breath and headed out to the stables; an unpleasant suspicion about what had upset Pavla already in her mind.

 

As Sarah had half expected, Pavla was currying Comanche. This was something she often did to relax; but the past few days had seen the Appaloosa stallion curried to within an inch of his life. She walked up behind her friend and asked quietly in Russian, “Elena? Are you all right?” The two women were always careful to use Elena’s alias ‘Pavla’ but Sarah didn’t want to use the false name right now, it somehow seemed too impersonal. Elena stopped brushing Comanche, and Sarah noticed the hand holding the currying brush was trembling. “Elena, what’s wrong?” Elena turned slowly around to face Sarah, and the older woman was unsurprised to see tears sliding down her friend’s cheeks. “What is it, honey?” In five years of friendship Sarah had never seen the inexorably cheerful Elena look so utterly desolate. Elena stood motionless for several seconds, then her face crumpled as she threw herself into Sarah’s arms and began to sob inconsolably.

 

Nearly an hour passed before Sarah and Pavla walked back to the ranch house. Both Cassie and Richard were waiting on the porch, concern written on their faces, but Sarah signaled them to stay quiet as she took the red-eyed Pavla into the house. Sarah came back out ten minutes later; her own eyes swollen as if she’d been crying too. “I put her in the hot tub to relax her.”

 

“Is Pavla OK?” Cassie asked fearfully. Though they’d only known each other for two years, Pavla had quickly become one of Cassie’s closest friends. They exchanged e-mails or Instant Messages almost daily.

 

“Physically, she’s fine. Emotionally, she’s a total wreck.”

 

“We’ll do anything we can to help,” Richard said firmly. Cassie nodded agreement.

 

“Richard, can we go for a walk? Cassie, I promise I’ll explain it to you later, but right now I really need to talk to your dad alone.” Sarah took Richard’s hand and they walked out towards the corral under the bright summer stars.

 

The couple strode along silently for several minutes, Richard waiting patiently for Sarah to gather her thoughts. She stopped at the far end of the horse corral and looked up at her lover. “Hold me.” He folded her into his arms, and felt the tension in her body draining as they embraced.

 

“Richard,” she said against his chest a few moments later, “do you remember what I told you a while back about how Pavla got her powers?”

 

“Some sort of thingie in her brain.”

 

Sarah looked up at him. “You have to understand that all Pavla’s ever really wanted is to live a normal life. She just wanted to find a good man, get married, have a bunch of kids, the whole nine yards. Instead she got inflicted with an alien ‘thingie’ in her head.”

 

“That’s a strange way of looking at something that gives you superpowers. Do… do you feel your powers were inflicted on you?” They’d never really discussed her own metahuman abilities.

 

“No, but my powers haven’t effected me in as fundamental a way as they have Pavla.” She pulled away from his embrace, but held onto his hand.

 

“Not in as fundamental a way? Love, you can juggle tanks and walk through walls!”

 

“True, but only when I want to. My powers are like putting on a costume. Hers are different. They don’t shut off.”

 

“What do you mean? I’ve seen video of her in action. She doesn’t move at super speed all the time.”

 

“Doesn’t she? You’ve commented on her hyperactivity many times. Did you know her full reflexes are almost one hundred times faster than human norm; so fast she can literally catch bullets? Or that at full speed even most other metahumans look like they’re moving in slow motion to her?”

 

“No, I’d never heard that.” He frowned thoughtfully. “Then how does she interact with… oh no.”

 

“Oh yes. She’s taught herself to ‘dial down’ her metabolism in order to better relate to regular people, but it’s not perfect. Think of most of her abilities as having a rheostat that has ‘slower’ and ‘faster’ settings but no ‘off’ position.” She started walking again; and Richard matched her pace.

 

“I still don’t see where you’re going with this.”

 

“You’ve known her for almost two years. Have you noticed any physical changes in her?”

 

“No.”

 

“Neither have I, and I’ve known her for over five years. Since we first met you Cassandra has grown almost two inches and filled out quite a bit. Remember how Cassie borrowed one of Pavla’s dresses two years ago?”

 

“Yeah. It was the first time she’d worn one in years. It damn sure wouldn’t fit her now!” His fourteen year old daughter already threatened to be as tall and curvaceous as her late mother had been.

 

“Whereas Pavla still can. And thus we come to the crux of the problem.”

 

”What?”

 

“As near as we can tell she doesn’t age. Her body is essentially suspended at fourteen years of age.”

 

“So it’s not just that’s she’s physically small; it’s that she’s not growing, not aging, at all?” He thought about the implications of that for a minute. “You’re saying she’s immortal, aren’t you?”

 

“Very good, Richard! I’ll give you your reward later,” she said in mock-serious tones.

 

“Promises, promises.”

 

“Let’s try to stay on topic, shall we?” She smiled impishly to take the sting out of her words, then went on more seriously. “Because Pavla looks fourteen we all tend to forget she’s twenty-five, and she has the same concerns as any woman in her mid-twenties has. This whole thing came about because she learned last week that she can never have children. Not ever.”

 

“That would upset a lot of women.”

 

“Of course it would. A month ago her foster-sister Inge got engaged. Inge is Pavla’s age, and they’ve been best friends since they were sixteen. Then she learned she’ll never have kids, and she came out here on vacation and saw Cassie is growing up; saw you and I together,” Sarah squeezed his hand, “and she realized she’ll never have anyone to share her life with. Nobody will ever send her flowers for having a baby.”

 

“That’s why she got so upset! Christ, my comment about sending flowers must have been like rubbing salt in the wound!”

 

“You couldn’t have known, Richard. I didn’t know either until a little bit ago. The poor thing just wanted to fall in love and have kids and grow old like a regular person, and now she knows she never will. She feels terribly isolated; terribly alone.”

 

“Jesus. Did you know how she felt about all this?”

 

“I knew some of it. She poured the whole thing out to me a little while ago in the stable.” Sarah shook her head sadly. “So while she appreciates the ability her powers have given her to help others, she also feels they’ve taken something from her. Taken something she ultimately regards as being far more important – her humanity.”

 

“I can see why she might feel that way, but it seems to me that the fact she worries about this sort of thing kinda proves she’s as human as the rest of us.”

 

“Good point. I don’t quite understand it either. I honestly wouldn’t grieve much if I lost my powers. I like having them, but I’d still have a good life as an astrophysicist doing work I love, and I’d still have you. But sometimes Pavla feels she’s nothing but her powers; that without her powers she wouldn’t have anything to offer.”

 

“That’s not true!” Richard exclaimed vehemently. “Her powers aren’t what makes her special! She’s one of the most decent people I know. And I know damn well that even without powers she’d have gone into that flooded arroyo to rescue Cassie!”

 

“You’re preaching to the choir, reverend. But the person who really needs to understand that, deep down, is Pavla. I think she mostly needed a good cry, so hopefully we can help her get past this now that we’ve got it out in the open.” She stopped and looked back at the house. “We’d better get back. Cassie must be getting worried, and I need to get Pavla put to bed. She’s been wound pretty tight, and some sleep will do her good.” She hugged him tightly. “Thanks for listening. I really needed to share this or I’d have exploded.”

 

“She’s my friend too, Sarah. She almost died trying to rescue Cassie. As far as I’m concerned, that makes her family.”

 

“I knew there was something I liked about you besides the Scandinavian good looks.” She put her arm around Richard’s waist and the couple headed back towards the ranch house.

[OddHat]

Re: My Summer Vacation: A Short Story

 

A nice second chapter, and touching. Well done.

[Trebuchet]

Re: My Summer Vacation: A Short Story

 

Thank you.

 

I'd originally intended this vignette as the core of a longer story about how Zl'f "found herself" again sort of like Peter Parker rediscovered himself as the webslinger in Spider-Man 2, but I decided that was too clichéd and in any case I was unhappy with the rest of the story as it was going. If I'm going to be trite then I at least want to be original. I thought at least this little bit might be of sufficient interest in and of itself and so I decided to post it as is.

 

This story was a bit of an experiment in writing for me as I wanted the characters to show emotions and also have the central character in the story literally never say a word. I seldom if ever know where I'm going with these stories when I start them; I usually begin with a scene or two in my head and try to string the imagined scenes together in some kind of dramaticly logical order and just see where the story leads me. Often those "crucial" scenes end up on the cutting room floor so to speak. None of my stories have ever ended up exactly where I planned to take them. This one started with scenes of Pavla's flight from the kitchen and Sarah comforting her out in the stable as Pavla pours out her woes, but I soon realized it would be far more interesting with Sarah explaining the situation to her boyfriend. So, after clearing Sarah and Richard being future lovers with Sarah's player Blackjack, I did it this way and I'm fairly pleased with the results. I just wish the longer story had worked out. Someday I may pick it back up again if inspiration hits me.

 

Thanks for allowing me to indulge my narcissism again.