Michael Hopcroft Posted January 25, 2016 Report Share Posted January 25, 2016 A. Ok, so dumping bleach into the ocean wasn't your brightest idea. Q: Want Whitefish? We've got Whitefish! White salmon, white flounder, white tuna.... A: If you don't know what calamari is, maybe you should think twice before ordering it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Asperion Posted January 29, 2016 Report Share Posted January 29, 2016 Q: Want Whitefish? We've got Whitefish! White salmon, white flounder, white tuna.... A: If you don't know what calamari is, maybe you should think twice before ordering it. Q: What is going on with the squid? I thought that I ordered calamri. A: We have discovered a forest that cannot burn. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted January 29, 2016 Report Share Posted January 29, 2016 A: We have discovered a forest that cannot burn. Q: How are we possibly going to get any timber? The tree-bark shatters our chainsaws! Tell me there's an upside to this place, will ya? A: Sometimes wildlife needs a refuge from Man. Other times Man needs refuge from the wildlife. It might have been a good idea to think about which is which before you went charging in with a bulldozer! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Asperion Posted January 30, 2016 Report Share Posted January 30, 2016 Q: How are we possibly going to get any timber? The tree-bark shatters our chainsaws! Tell me there's an upside to this place, will ya? A: Sometimes wildlife needs a refuge from Man. Other times Man needs refuge from the wildlife. It might have been a good idea to think about which is which before you went charging in with a bulldozer! Q: Where did that boulder that smashed our bulldozer come from? I thought that we were the only ones here clearing this place out. A: Return fire is the point. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted February 1, 2016 Report Share Posted February 1, 2016 A: Return fire is the point. Q: Place steady machine-gun fire over the enemy trenches, even if I don't see anyone? What's the point of that? A: I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Asperion Posted February 13, 2016 Report Share Posted February 13, 2016 Q: Place steady machine-gun fire over the enemy trenches, even if I don't see anyone? What's the point of that? A: I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty. Q: Now that those who are in the poverty line are the next great celebrities, exactly what your plans? A: I cannot see the forest for all the trees around. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted February 13, 2016 Report Share Posted February 13, 2016 A: I cannot see the forest for all the trees around. Q: We'll find Robin Hood any second now! All we have to do to clain the reward from the Sherrif is get to Sherwood Forest, and then ... what's wrong, Sir Guy? A: I told you this is what happens when Puppymonkeybabies grow up, but did you listen? You did not! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted February 14, 2016 Report Share Posted February 14, 2016 A: I told you this is what happens when Puppymonkeybabies grow up, but did you listen? You did not! Q - There are now more insane asylums than nursing homes in this country. What the [redacted] happened?! A - We're the best [censored] unit in the whole [unprintable] army! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted February 14, 2016 Report Share Posted February 14, 2016 A - We're the best [censored] unit in the whole [unprintable] army! Q: You're the composting and sanitation company for General Rapenunovitch's Freebooters? A: Plumbers' Poker: Where a flush beats a full house. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Asperion Posted February 14, 2016 Report Share Posted February 14, 2016 Q: You're the composting and sanitation company for General Rapenunovitch's Freebooters? A: Plumbers' Poker: Where a flush beats a full house. Q: What kind of crazy mixed up game is this where everything is thrown into the dealer's crazy imagination? A: That was my best death ever. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted February 16, 2016 Report Share Posted February 16, 2016 A: That was my best death ever. Q: What went through the Doctor's mind five minutes after that little incident on Androzani Minor? A: I refuse to be a citizen of any nation that would have me as a citizen. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marcus Impudite Posted February 16, 2016 Report Share Posted February 16, 2016 Q: What went through the Doctor's mind five minutes after that little incident on Androzani Minor? A: I refuse to be a citizen of any nation that would have me as a citizen. Q: Why are you living on boat in the middle of the Atlantic? A: Because you made a phone call. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted February 17, 2016 Report Share Posted February 17, 2016 A: Because you made a phone call. Q: Why is there a strange teenager at my door carrying a pizza? A: Tell me again how allowing 120 million random people to cast one ballot each, with the person with the most votes getting to lead the nation for four years, was ever considered a good idea. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted February 17, 2016 Report Share Posted February 17, 2016 A: Tell me again how allowing 120 million random people to cast one ballot each, with the person with the most votes getting to lead the nation for four years, was ever considered a good idea. Q: I'm sorry, Mr. Dubois, could you repeat the question? A: That's a juvenile fantasy, nothing more. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Asperion Posted February 17, 2016 Report Share Posted February 17, 2016 Q: I'm sorry, Mr. Dubois, could you repeat the question? A: That's a juvenile fantasy, nothing more. Q: What were they thinking when they created the Ms. Universe pageant? A: It will be found in the place where light and dark intersect. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted February 17, 2016 Report Share Posted February 17, 2016 A: It will be found in the place where light and dark intersect. Q: Where can I find a rational Force user? A: No, David, I didn't leave a donkey in New York. I don't even own a donkey. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted February 24, 2016 Report Share Posted February 24, 2016 Anyone? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted February 24, 2016 Report Share Posted February 24, 2016 A: No, David, I didn't leave a donkey in New York. I don't even own a donkey. Q: This is David calling, and I'm telling you that you need to get your ass out of New York! A: The illusion of sleep. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted February 25, 2016 Report Share Posted February 25, 2016 A: The illusion of sleep. Q: What's less restful than fantasizing about visiting grisly agonizing death upon your enemies? A: Doing it with your friends. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted February 25, 2016 Report Share Posted February 25, 2016 A: Doing it with your friends. Q: What can be better than spending the night gaming with a group of your mortal enemies? A: You really can't do that to someone who isn't Deadpool and expect a good result. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted February 26, 2016 Report Share Posted February 26, 2016 A: You really can't do that to someone who isn't Deadpool and expect a good result. Q - What? I'm just talking to the audience! A - It's not the fourth wall I'm worried about. It's the other three. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted February 27, 2016 Report Share Posted February 27, 2016 A - It's not the fourth wall I'm worried about. It's the other three. Q: I wonder what those little holes everywhere are for.... A: Really nice planet you've got here. Shame if something were to happen to it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Asperion Posted February 27, 2016 Report Share Posted February 27, 2016 Q: I wonder what those little holes everywhere are for.... A: Really nice planet you've got here. Shame if something were to happen to it. Q: So Lord Vader, what do you think of the planet Alderaan? A: That matter went dark. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted February 27, 2016 Report Share Posted February 27, 2016 A: That matter went dark. Q: How is it even possible to burn toast that badly?! A: Well, I agree with the first three words, anyway. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted March 2, 2016 Report Share Posted March 2, 2016 A: Well, I agree with the first three words, anyway. Q: What do you think of my new campaign slogan, "Vote against me and you will be reduced to your compnent atoms when I unleash my death ray upon the globe!"? A: I'm the first mammal to wear pants! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.