Michael Hopcroft Posted April 25, 2016 Report Share Posted April 25, 2016 A: and i wont use capitalization or punctuation either Q: How do you except to write a decent term paper when you don't want to use footnotes? A: No problem you don't have a stockbroker! My advice is free -- and worth every penny! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JohnnyAppleseed098 Posted April 25, 2016 Report Share Posted April 25, 2016 A: No problem you don't have a stockbroker! My advice is free -- and worth every penny! Q: What would the worst person to talk to about financial advice would say to you? A: The worst weapon to have in an alien apocalypse, but the best one in a zombie apocalypse. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted April 25, 2016 Report Share Posted April 25, 2016 A: The worst weapon to have in an alien apocalypse, but the best one in a zombie apocalypse. Q: You're saying we should fight Plan Nine with chainsaws? Chainsaws? A: I'm not giving this dog a name, because I don't want him to come when I call. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted April 27, 2016 Report Share Posted April 27, 2016 A: I'm not giving this dog a name, because I don't want him to come when I call. Q - Not to be insulting, but that dog looks like what would happen if Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton had a love child. What are you going to call it, anyway? A - Schrödinger's panther. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted April 27, 2016 Report Share Posted April 27, 2016 A - Schrödinger's panther. Q: Who is that who simultaneously is and isn't helping Mowgli get out of the jungle? A: It's a Pig's -- er, Man's Life as a First Order Stormtrooper! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted April 27, 2016 Report Share Posted April 27, 2016 A: It's a Pig's -- er, Man's Life as a First Order Stormtrooper! Q: Why is your unit called "The Long Pork"? A: No, it's not a name for an act. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted May 2, 2016 Report Share Posted May 2, 2016 A: No, it's not a name for an act. Q: You really want to call yourselves the Aristocrats? A: She got legs. She knows how to use them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted May 2, 2016 Report Share Posted May 2, 2016 A: She got legs. She knows how to use them. Q: How'd the date with the martial arts instructor lady go? And why are you walking all bent over and moving your thighs minimally? A: Just for kicks. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted May 3, 2016 Report Share Posted May 3, 2016 A: Just for kicks. Q: Why have you taken up soccer? A: remember when I bet at 5,000-1 odds that Leicester City would win the EPL? Well, I'm here to collect. In small bills, please. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JohnnyAppleseed098 Posted May 3, 2016 Report Share Posted May 3, 2016 A: Remember when I bet at 5,000-1 odds that Leicester City would win the EPL? Well, I'm here to collect. In small bills, please. Q: What was the best investment you have made in your life? A: Instead of Organization XIII, it is now Organization XIV. The new member has a terrible name. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted May 6, 2016 Report Share Posted May 6, 2016 A: Instead of Organization XIII, it is now Organization XIV. The new member has a terrible name. Q: You supervillains are like cockroaches! The more we kill, the more show up to take their places! How can you actually grow your evil superteam after getting slaughtered time and time again by the MetaDuperHero League? A: In case you had any lingering doubts, you are in fact dead and this is in fact Hell. You know what they say about Hope around here. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted May 6, 2016 Report Share Posted May 6, 2016 A: In case you had any lingering doubts, you are in fact dead and this is in fact Hell. You know what they say about Hope around here. Q - Wow, I never knew Heaven had such an awesome barbecue pit! I hope you'll be serving the slow-roasted wild boar soon! A - The sky looks threatening. And I'm not talking about the weather. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JohnnyAppleseed098 Posted May 6, 2016 Report Share Posted May 6, 2016 A - The sky looks threatening. And I'm not talking about the weather. Q- Do you have any idea why the entire Earth is shaking? A- Gods who live well, eat well I guess. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted May 6, 2016 Report Share Posted May 6, 2016 A- Gods who live well, eat well I guess. Q: Is the food really that good on Mount Olympus? A: If you climb Mount Olympus and find no gods there, it doesn't neccesarily invalidate Greek Myth. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted May 6, 2016 Report Share Posted May 6, 2016 A: If you climb Mount Olympus and find no gods there, it doesn't necessarily invalidate Greek Myth. Q - What do you mean, 'Zeus has a time share in Tahiti'? A - That should be illegal, except in Saskatchewan. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JohnnyAppleseed098 Posted May 6, 2016 Report Share Posted May 6, 2016 A - That should be illegal, except in Saskatchewan. Q- You know what, building a border wall was not a great idea was it? A- James Bond knew you were coming. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted May 6, 2016 Report Share Posted May 6, 2016 A- James Bond knew you were coming. Q: Miss Moneypenny, how about -- BANG ...urrkkkkkk A - That should be illegal, except in Saskatchewan.Q: Hey, baby, let's ... well ... there's this really interesting sensual set-up that includes a moose, and fifty liters of maple syrup, and a hockey stick, and (now that it's early May) 22 centimeters of snow on the ground, and nine cases of Pilsner or Great Western, and ... how about it? A: I don't really associate "moose" with much besides "squirrel" and "fatal one-car auto accident". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted May 6, 2016 Report Share Posted May 6, 2016 A: I don't really associate "moose" with much besides "squirrel" and "fatal one-car auto accident". Q - Wouldn't it be nice to see a return of the Bull Moose Party this election cycle? A - I've never seen someone so excited about felt. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted May 6, 2016 Report Share Posted May 6, 2016 A - I've never seen someone so excited about felt. Q: She enjoys sex on billiard tables?!? A: Well, it's hard. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted May 6, 2016 Report Share Posted May 6, 2016 A: Well, it's hard. Q - How is it that none of you simians can do a simple calorimetry calculation?! A - I'd be surprised if that's really what happened. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted May 7, 2016 Report Share Posted May 7, 2016 A- James Bond knew you were coming. Q: SPECTRE has enough resources to conquer the world five times over, but can't throw a decent surprise party? A - I'd be surprised if that's really what happened. Q: First Noah had to sail to Australia to drop off the kangaroos, because he knew he couldn't leave them with the velicoraptors in Antacrctica.... A: O for a Muse of Fire! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted May 12, 2016 Report Share Posted May 12, 2016 A: O for a Muse of Fire! Q - Do you really want to burn down the world with a song? A - An extra large pepperoni and sashimi pizza. With a medium Diet Sprite. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted May 12, 2016 Report Share Posted May 12, 2016 A - An extra large pepperoni and sashimi pizza. With a medium Diet Sprite. Q: What do Pastafarian missionaries have when they go out to dinner with potential converts? A: Six Charlies in search of an author. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JohnnyAppleseed098 Posted May 12, 2016 Report Share Posted May 12, 2016 A: Six Charlies in search of an author. Q; Why are there only 6 people at this Charitable Hunt for Authors that Read Lies, Interrogate, and Exterminate rally? A: Edmodo is your new best friend! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted May 12, 2016 Report Share Posted May 12, 2016 A: Edmodo is your new best friend! Q - What the heck is Edmodo, anyway? A - As it turns out, the root of all evil is actually 25.8069758.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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