Bazza is breeding a strain of sugar gliders that instintively drop grenades on conservative politicians. The great obstacle to success is the little creatures forget to pull the pin first.
At one university I worked at, a proposal came out for a mandatory ethics class. I commented that I could support such a proposal only if being caught cheating in that course was grounds for summary expulsion from the institution.
Missed a session of Black Crusade, so Jrska's input in the first part of this report is limited. No doubt she was taking advantage of the post-battle chaos in the Ragged Helix to acquire various shineys no longer needed by their previous owners. Such as a Beguiling Gem, which worn as a necklace will give her weaponised cleavage.
Aladar's player, prior to roll: *Muttered sentence*
Cassius' player: what? Laxatives what?
Aladar's player: blacks are tens
To reduce the odds that the Warp entity acts up at a most inauspicious moment, Cassius feeds his staff-bound demon a soul.
Cassius: Now don't say I don't get you anything.
Cassius decides that now is the time to hunt down that alien psychic beacon and attendant pre-Horus Heresy Ultramarines, somewhere Spinward of what is now the Calixis Sector. Although there's no need to rush - instigating trouble en route will hone our skills. Describing warp travel, en route -
Cassius: They've gone to Plaid.
Returning to the Thirteenth Station, and after donning the guise of a Chaos warship and paying a toll of human souls to the blockade fleet, the Chains of Judgement encounters the 'asteroid belt' of human sacrifices floating in space.
GM: You'll need a cleaning crew after this.
Aladar OOC: *Makes Windscreen wiper swishes and squeeky noises*
Cassius OOC: Nah, we'll just use the Sunsear laser batteries.
Having used the warp currents of the Thirteenth Station to fling us off into the Imperium, the first thing to do is switch the chameleonic hull back to Imperial allegiance.
Cog OOC: First thing we do is change the desktop
Cassius OOC:Back to Windows classic, none of this heretical Windows 8 S!@#
And once in the Imperium, our ship's appearance makes it easy to browbeat a passing Rogue Trader into handing over up-to-date (if admittedly incomplete) star maps, if he knows what's good for him. Sure, the real Inquisition will hear about us imposters eventually, but there's so many horrible, horrible things we can do between now and then.
Cassius, who has been somewhat irritated that his minion is more notorious than himself, has been carefully undermining her status by given her gifts. After all, anybody that requires a patron is clearly of lower status.
GM: The most passive-aggressive in-party conflict ever.
Jrska has her own theory about his lack of infamy.
Jrska: My lord, may I act as Devil's advocate?
Cassius: You may.
Jrska: Your reputation as the Scourge of Leman's Solace, and Bearer of the Doomwind, is all very well, but I fear our peers in the Vortex will ask 'Yes, but what have you done lately?'
Jrska's brother Prince Pseudanor may have the aftermath of a coup attempt to deal with, but at least he was smiling again when they saw him last.
Jrska: I cheered him up with a good long pegging.
En route to the Spinward Margin of the Calixis Sector, where the Sevarian Dominate has declared independence of the Imperium, and the Imperium is predictably attempting to stomp the planets flat. We're more interested in what sort of trouble we can cause on the way. At least the fact our ship looks like an Inquisitorial vessel means we can sail right through Imperial systems without anybody daring to pay us much attention. We do get a good look at the defences of the system as we go through - valuable information, in the right hands.
Cassius: 'That matches an Inquisitorial transponder, and they're telling us to naff off. Naffing off, sir!'
Jrska: 'Curiosity is Heresy'
Cassius has a way of discouraging them from spending fuel to get a closer inspection of our ship - appending each transponder ping with an apt proverb.
Cassius: 'Waste is Sin'
Cassius: I looooove the Secutor-class ships.
Jrska: I'll try to get you one for your birthday, my lord.
We do pick up an ominous signal as we're on the way out, however. Cassius grabs a random crew member and slips headphones on him.
Cassius: Put it through the headphones
Crewmember: There's a sort of droning, sir
Cassius: I just needed to see if your head exploded.
What it actually is, is an Ork fleet breaking out of Warpspace, and looking for a fight. We have time for a few comments about Ork psychology and biology while Cassius decides our next move.
Jrska: feh. Orks don't have any appreciation for the finer things in life.
Cog: How well do Orks get on with Chaos?
Cassius: They don't even get on with other Orks.
Aladar: How would you feel if you were sentient fungus?
Cog: I think I'd feel pretty good about myself
Cassius decides to send the Imperial defenders in the system a quick heads-up about the incoming war fleet, then does something bold but suicidally insane - dive the Chains of Judgement into Warpspace via the rift the Orks just opened. The crew scramble to obey, praying they can get the Gellar Fields warmed up before the deamons of the Warp swarm to eat our eyeballs.
Jrska: Will we open fire on the Orks as we pass, my lord?
Cassius: Why? That might weaken them. We are not allies of the Imperium. The enemy of my enemy is my enemy's enemy.
We don't even have time to crank down the shutters that stop us gazing unprotected into the Warp. Most of the crew are merely terrified out of their minds at the sight, and suffer no more than the usual psychoses and loss of sphincter control. Aladar, however, lives up to his reputation ( and rolls 150 on a d100 test ).
Jrska: You... Useless... F**k.
GM: You came throughout it without any mental traumas.
Jrska: No additional traumas beyond the trauma of being Aladar.
Cassius manages to keep the crew at their posts through simple intimidation and lots of shouting.
Cassius: The warp is scary but I'm right here.
GM: They have a force-field protecting them from the Warp...
Cassius: And they don't have a force-field protecting them from me.
Of all the places the jump can take us, we arrive in one of the Fringe's Forbidden Systems, where automated defenses pause in their endless bombardment of the planet below, in order to tell us to fuck right off.
Auto-systems: This system is under Inquisitorial quarantine.
Jrska:
Cassius:
Auto-systems: Leave immediately or be labelled heretics.
Jrska: *Snicker*
We bluff the battle stations into thinking we need to pause here for repairs, and determine which of the crew we need to cull. Fairly standard practise, even more so on Imperial vessels.
Cassius: Blood doesn't make a good lubricant.
Jrska: It does for Khornate war engines.
We demand an situation report from the stations, and press on. The next destination is even more fraught - a system where an entire fleet of Loyalist space marines are currently gathering. It's the Millennial Wardens (a fleet-based chapter Weldun invented and played in the Deathwatch campaign, although he's playing a renegade Storm Crow in this one) who are scholarly, highly intelligent, and even worse for us, regularly work alongside the real Inquisition.
Cassius: The Storm Crows are a fleet-based chapter with incredibly bad luck. Wherever they go there's a disaster.
Cog: Sounds like us.
Cassius: *glares* Not that they respond to disasters, they just happen wherever they go.
Cog: Again, sounds like us.
GM: A space marine's voice comes over the box. You all know what that sounds like.
Jrska: I've been taking Cassius' orders long enough. Although generally there is more shouting involved.
The Wardens are politely forceful - their scans of the Chains of Judgement have revealed no blatantly Chaotic features - continent-blasting weapons powered by tortured kittens, that sort of thing - but they do recognise the alien origin of our chameleonic hull. They quite want a closer look and demonstration. Cassius and Jrska hasten to find some reason to keep them from coming aboard, so they won't discover the mutant crew, or little things like the temple-slash-bondage-dungeon Jrska built in the chapel. Eventually she convinces the increasingly suspicious marines that it's for their own safety.
Jrska: You are Space Marines, and we are reluctant to expose you to possible corruption. Unlike our own acolytes, who are by definition expendable.
Arch-Magos 'Father': They are being exceptionally inquisitive.
Jrska: More so than us, and we've got the inquisition ship .
But Jrska's talented tongue persuades them to limit their study of the hull to the outside of the hull, as well as offering us resupply of food, fuel and volatiles, which was becoming a problem.
Jrska: Wow. Talk about Refuge in Audacity - a shipful of mutants, cultists and traitors, turns up to a space marine fleet and says 'right, give us stuff'
The Millennial Wardens take the pursuit of knowledge very seriously - in their Hall of Ancients, they consult the chapter's many Dreadnoughts for advice on past events and future strategy.
Dreadnought: Today's lecture will be about the Assault on Garrus VII.
Marine: Sir? I have always thought the official account of that assault was exaggerated.
Dreadnought: THUMP. I WAS THERE. Do you dare argue with me?
The Marines are persuaded to send us an up-to-date starmap, too. Where to next? A Shrine World dedicated to one or more of the Imperium's innumerable saints has a certain appeal.
Jrska: I'm going to re-read one of my favourite books - 'The Lives of the Saints'. I find it very inspirational. Look at this one for example - 'Flayed alive with a belt sander'. See what I mean?
Jrska: I've got very fond memories of shrine worlds. One of my best outfits was made by some nuns on a shrine world. Sorry, I misspoke - made *out of* some nuns on a shrine world.
Cassius: *sigh*
Plus, there's the claim that the Sisters of Battle have never ever fallen to Chaos, which is a challenge to our ingenuity and evil.
Cassius: Maybe you can find some Sisters Repentia and teach them they have nothing to repent.
Jrska: Let's demand 600 of their most pious warriors.
Cassius: Let's not. No more treats for you until you're finished the tasks at hand.
Eventually we decide that turning up at one of the temples of seclusion, where such battle-nuns retreat when dealing with crises of faith, and posing as suspicious Inquisitors, will be an ideal way to seed corruption across the entire planet. Hie thee to a nunnery!
"Victor Vector gets punched so hard in the face that the player starts bleeding." Then we looked over and the player was indeed bleeding from his face.
BlueCloud2k2 once had a fairy puppy. He loved it dearly.
It then grow older, bigger and finally left him to discover the world outside.
Blue was heart broken but knew that was the way it is with fairy puppies growing into dragons.
And hey - did Little Smaug make it big Hollywood or not?
BlueCloud2k2 reacted to Lonewalker in Quote of the Week from my gaming group...
BlueCloud2k2 got a reaction from Cancer in NGD Scenes from a Hat
BlueCloud2k2 got a reaction from Pariah in The Last Word
BlueCloud2k2 got a reaction from death tribble in Complicate the Person Above
BlueCloud2k2 got a reaction from tkdguy in Complicate the Person Above
