archer

I was in a job interview today when the manager handed me his laptop and said, "I want you to try to sell this to me."

So, I put it under my arm, walked out of the building, and went home.

Eventually, he called my mobile and said, "Bring it back here right now!"

I said "$200, and it's yours."

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar
   The first mathematician orders a beer 
The second orders half a beer 
"I don't serve half-beers" the bartender replies 
"Excuse me?" Asks mathematician #2 
"What kind of bar serves half-beers?" The bartender remarks. "That's ridiculous."
"Oh c'mon" says mathematician #1 "do you know how hard it is to collect an infinite number of us? Just play along"
"There are very strict laws on how I can serve drinks. I couldn't serve you half a beer even if I wanted to."
"But that's not a problem" mathematician #3 chimes in "at the end of the joke you serve us a whole number of beers. You see, when you take the sum of a continuously halving function-"
"I know how limits work" interjects the bartender 
"Oh, alright then. I didn't want to assume a bartender would be familiar with such advanced mathematics"
"Are you kidding me?" The bartender replies, "you learn limits in like, 9th grade! What kind of mathematician thinks limits are advanced mathematics?" 
"HE'S ON TO US" mathematician #1 screeches 
Simultaneously, every mathematician opens their mouth and out pours a cloud of multicolored mosquitoes. Each mathematician is bellowing insects of a different shade.  The mosquitoes form into a singular, polychromatic swarm. "FOOLS" it booms in unison, "I WILL INFECT EVERY BEING ON THIS PATHETIC PLANET WITH MALARIA"
The bartender stands fearless against the technicolor hoard. "But wait" he inturrupts, thinking fast, "if you do that, politicians will use the catastrophe as an excuse to implement free healthcare. Think of how much that will hurt the taxpayers!" 
The mosquitoes fall silent for a brief moment. "My God, you're right. We didn't think about the economy! Very well, we will not attack this dimension. FOR THE TAXPAYERS!" and with that, they vanish. 
A nearby barfly stumbles over to the bartender. "How did you know that that would work?" 
"It's simple really" the bartender says. "I saw that the vectors formed a gradient, and therefore must be conservative."

I just hired a beautiful 21 year old girl to look after my 1 year old baby. Now I have two issues:
 
How to tell this to my wife.
Where to find a 1 year old baby.

Two blonde robbers were robbing a hotel.
 
The first one said - I hear sirens. Jump!
 
The other replied - But we are on the 13th floor.
 
The first one yelled - This is no time to be superstitious.

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar
   The first mathematician orders a beer 
The second orders half a beer 
"I don't serve half-beers" the bartender replies 
"Excuse me?" Asks mathematician #2 
"What kind of bar serves half-beers?" The bartender remarks. "That's ridiculous."
"Oh c'mon" says mathematician #1 "do you know how hard it is to collect an infinite number of us? Just play along"
"There are very strict laws on how I can serve drinks. I couldn't serve you half a beer even if I wanted to."
"But that's not a problem" mathematician #3 chimes in "at the end of the joke you serve us a whole number of beers. You see, when you take the sum of a continuously halving function-"
"I know how limits work" interjects the bartender 
"Oh, alright then. I didn't want to assume a bartender would be familiar with such advanced mathematics"
"Are you kidding me?" The bartender replies, "you learn limits in like, 9th grade! What kind of mathematician thinks limits are advanced mathematics?" 
"HE'S ON TO US" mathematician #1 screeches 
Simultaneously, every mathematician opens their mouth and out pours a cloud of multicolored mosquitoes. Each mathematician is bellowing insects of a different shade.  The mosquitoes form into a singular, polychromatic swarm. "FOOLS" it booms in unison, "I WILL INFECT EVERY BEING ON THIS PATHETIC PLANET WITH MALARIA"
The bartender stands fearless against the technicolor hoard. "But wait" he inturrupts, thinking fast, "if you do that, politicians will use the catastrophe as an excuse to implement free healthcare. Think of how much that will hurt the taxpayers!" 
The mosquitoes fall silent for a brief moment. "My God, you're right. We didn't think about the economy! Very well, we will not attack this dimension. FOR THE TAXPAYERS!" and with that, they vanish. 
A nearby barfly stumbles over to the bartender. "How did you know that that would work?" 
"It's simple really" the bartender says. "I saw that the vectors formed a gradient, and therefore must be conservative."

Don't praise him with faint damn's.

What's the similarity between hamsters and cigarettes?
 
They're both harmless until you put them in your mouth and light them on fire.

At a Diplomats' dinner, a waiter tripped and shattered the beautiful plate in which he was carrying a large turkey.
 
Hushed silence turned into a roar of  laughter, when the quick-witted Diplomat  announced:
 
"Gentlemen ! You have just witnessed 4 major international events happening :
 
Fall of Turkey
 
Breakup of China
 
Spillage of Greece and
 
Frustration of Hungary !

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar
   The first mathematician orders a beer 
The second orders half a beer 
"I don't serve half-beers" the bartender replies 
"Excuse me?" Asks mathematician #2 
"What kind of bar serves half-beers?" The bartender remarks. "That's ridiculous."
"Oh c'mon" says mathematician #1 "do you know how hard it is to collect an infinite number of us? Just play along"
"There are very strict laws on how I can serve drinks. I couldn't serve you half a beer even if I wanted to."
"But that's not a problem" mathematician #3 chimes in "at the end of the joke you serve us a whole number of beers. You see, when you take the sum of a continuously halving function-"
"I know how limits work" interjects the bartender 
"Oh, alright then. I didn't want to assume a bartender would be familiar with such advanced mathematics"
"Are you kidding me?" The bartender replies, "you learn limits in like, 9th grade! What kind of mathematician thinks limits are advanced mathematics?" 
"HE'S ON TO US" mathematician #1 screeches 
Simultaneously, every mathematician opens their mouth and out pours a cloud of multicolored mosquitoes. Each mathematician is bellowing insects of a different shade.  The mosquitoes form into a singular, polychromatic swarm. "FOOLS" it booms in unison, "I WILL INFECT EVERY BEING ON THIS PATHETIC PLANET WITH MALARIA"
The bartender stands fearless against the technicolor hoard. "But wait" he inturrupts, thinking fast, "if you do that, politicians will use the catastrophe as an excuse to implement free healthcare. Think of how much that will hurt the taxpayers!" 
The mosquitoes fall silent for a brief moment. "My God, you're right. We didn't think about the economy! Very well, we will not attack this dimension. FOR THE TAXPAYERS!" and with that, they vanish. 
A nearby barfly stumbles over to the bartender. "How did you know that that would work?" 
"It's simple really" the bartender says. "I saw that the vectors formed a gradient, and therefore must be conservative."

Don't praise him with faint damn's.

An interesting website here showing a map of Ukraine and stories as they are reported pinned on the map. A lot of the stories aren't big enough to make major news on western media sites. So there's a lot more incidents being shown than you'd get following only traditional sources.
 
https://liveuamap.com/en/2022/18-february-occupation-authorities-in-parts-of-donetsk-region

Subscribe to a brand-new K-8 science education podcast for a free mug from Amplify.
 
Available to teachers and administrators.
 
https://go.info.amplify.com/science-connections-podcast-subscribe-mug? 

A humorous exchange in a not-very-serious discussion about the Democrats' mid-term elections chances:
 
 
Tongue-in-cheek pretending to be Biden: "The Democrats will do well in the mid-term elections. And anyone who says otherwise is a dog-walking My Little Pony soldier."
 
Reply from a random guy: "I disagree fats! I challenge you to a push-up contest!"
 
From the Peanut Gallery: "Judging from the pictures, I don't think Biden wears push-up bras. So you'd probably win...."

I'm angry that she was allowed to compete, in multiple events, after they knew she'd broken the doping rules.

A humorous exchange in a not-very-serious discussion about the Democrats' mid-term elections chances:
 
 
Tongue-in-cheek pretending to be Biden: "The Democrats will do well in the mid-term elections. And anyone who says otherwise is a dog-walking My Little Pony soldier."
 
Reply from a random guy: "I disagree fats! I challenge you to a push-up contest!"
 
From the Peanut Gallery: "Judging from the pictures, I don't think Biden wears push-up bras. So you'd probably win...."

Kind of a rough day today. Today would have been my Mom's 74th birthday.
 
So far, I've made it through one class period without having a meltdown. Wish me luck for the rest of the day (as well as the meeting after school).

Good luck, Pariah. 
 
 

https://www.nature.com/articles/s41598-022-06629-2
 
...Thus, our data indicates that mRNA vaccination may generate more neutralizing RBD antibodies than natural immunity. It further suggests a potential need to maintain high RBD antibody levels to control the more infectious SARS-CoV-2 variants.

Perhaps NSFW
 
https://grrlpowercomic.com/archives/comic/grrl-power-1013/

I think at worst a base should be treated exactly as a power a PC purchases which isn't apparently very useful. (Example: Transform skin color to Caucasian, only works on humans who are already Caucasian.) 
 
1) It isn't the GM's job to make the base useful in any way. Instead it is the player's job to make it useful if it is going to be useful. If the player can't figure out a way to make it useful, he'll spend his points differently on the next character.
 
2) It also definitely isn't the GM's job to treat the base as if it were a disadvantage that the PC took on his character sheet but had to pay points for instead of getting additional points for.
 
Now if the PC took disadvantages on the base, fine, those disadvantages exist. But having a base doesn't cause disadvantages to spontaneously appear out of nowhere if the PC isn't doing anything to create a disadvantage or purchase a disadvantage. 
 
 

In warning to U.S., COVID rates soar after Denmark lifts all restrictions

In any campaign, I like to check if there is a form of in-universe "official" *Evil*, like hell and demons. If so, then "Evil" is merely any connection to a hell or a demon, which is a potentially still moral person/place. You are theoretically capable of finding nice, moral demons, who sense as "Evil" because they are demons. You could also find nasty and immoral angels, who sense as "Good" from their angelic divinity. You mostly find those who are neither "Evil" nor "Good" whether or not they are moral, immoral, neutral or anything else.
 
Often, however, there is no such thing as a "Detect Alignment" spell or any such thing, and the only form of evil is the regular kind with people being selfish or immoral. For a quick judgement, generally speaking, any who cause pain, sorrow, stress, and things like that, either intentionally or, to a lesser extent by simply not bothering to consider other people, is said to be an evil person.
 
People who either restrict other's freedom or their free will, and those who deny that which others need while they could give it relatively simply, are the worst sort of evil. Slavers, tyrants, merchants who're making money from droughts, plagues, and wars. 
 
Bigots, such as racists, sexists, and terfs, are not even brought up in the games I'm playing in. If they were, they'd be killed by everybody on any side, good or evil, very quickly. Which is part of why we don't use bigots as villains. They don't last long to become major plot elements, and they're unpleasant to be around while they remain.
 
If you want a pithy saying, maybe:
 
Good Guy: There is no such thing as "Evil". There is only freedom, and those who would oppose it.
 
Bad Guy: There is no such thing as "Evil". There is only power, and those too weak to take it.

I think at worst a base should be treated exactly as a power a PC purchases which isn't apparently very useful. (Example: Transform skin color to Caucasian, only works on humans who are already Caucasian.) 
 
1) It isn't the GM's job to make the base useful in any way. Instead it is the player's job to make it useful if it is going to be useful. If the player can't figure out a way to make it useful, he'll spend his points differently on the next character.
 
2) It also definitely isn't the GM's job to treat the base as if it were a disadvantage that the PC took on his character sheet but had to pay points for instead of getting additional points for.
 
Now if the PC took disadvantages on the base, fine, those disadvantages exist. But having a base doesn't cause disadvantages to spontaneously appear out of nowhere if the PC isn't doing anything to create a disadvantage or purchase a disadvantage. 
 
 

If you applied a stringent water-use tax to blatant excesses like, for instance, the rich white guys' golf courses throughout the desert southwest ....