Patriot Posted March 27, 2003 Report Share Posted March 27, 2003 Re: Ex-Hero seeking direction Originally posted by Proemial Dear QUARK I am having something of a dilemma: A few years back I started my career as a Hero. You may remember some of my exploits in the Pacific Rim theatre, and that messy business involving the orbital war for Earth's magnetic field. Without meaning to trumpet myself too loudly, I did manage to kick a few world-conquerering schemes drummed up by so called geniuses. However, a few months back I got possessed by one your villainous comrades. Nice chap by the name of Parasite. Sadly his possession went a bit awry, and resulted in me going on a murderous rampage up the Eastern Seaboard of the United States for a few months. Many innocent people died, as well as some heroes and villains. Since the rampage, my old friends don't want to associate with me. In fact, many of them consider me no better than you murderous scum. Anyway, to the point, I'm seeking some way of drowning the gnawing guilt that sits in my soul. Since I've noticed that you villainous types rarely seem to have attacks of conscience, I'm wondering if the villain route would be the way to go for a cure? So, if anyone out there is in need of a helper who can fly faster than fighter jets, and can channel the inferno of the sun in order to slag aircraft carriers and small towns, please contact me. Seraphim Darn Alien Invasions....had to be the only reason I wasn't informed.... If you send your credentials to The Vanguard base in Chicago, we are in the middle of a recruitment drive and you may be taken for consideration we are an equal opportunity team Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Proemial Posted March 27, 2003 Report Share Posted March 27, 2003 Patriot I thank you for your generous offer. However, I feel that my presence might cause problems in your ranks. Many amongst the community lost friends and loved ones when I went berserk, and most still hold that against me. I wouldn't want to be the cause of a rift in your organization. However, I am wondering, what sort of psychiatric/medical coverage does Vanguard offer? Seraphim Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Patriot Posted March 28, 2003 Report Share Posted March 28, 2003 Team Vanguards hiring Package 1)Life, health, dental, and vision coverage for you and up to 4 family members 2)One of our members is a psychiatrist at stronghold, and a mentalist on top of it so medical is covered 3) 2 weeks a year vacation at Sanctuary + 1 week for every 3 years that you remain a member 4) Room and board of course, with the option to house up to four family members at no charge. 5) A base salary of $100,000/ year after you become a full member you have the option to make withdraws from your personal marketing account(from sale of comics, toys pharmecuticals, electronics, some members have become wealthy, the amount withdrawn is matched to a charity of your choice, and a charity of the teams choice) 6) Trial member ship is for 4 months, then a vote is taken of full members in the 12 years the team has been around only 1 person has not been voted in. 7) Any Vanguard base has a full workout room/danger room tested to a virtual weight of 75,000 kilotons 8) you will have access to the full array of team vehicles, Including Pegasus Skycycles, Our Jet/spaceship, our submarine, Hum-vees , rocket-packs and more. 9) Our danger room is more then sufficient to hold you if you happen to go on another rant, The walls have been tested , and can withstand a 3 kiloton blast at Ground Zero 10) The base computer GALAHAD has the ability to body slide multiple heros at once, so if you lose it in the feild,our AI can lock on to your com unit, and slide you back(if this happens in combat , you may bee knocked out) 11) Dr. Daniel Hunter The base Doctor,has 20 years of experience dealing with the paranormal,and has blazed the trail for new treatments for them 12) And last but not least , You have seven bases to chose from : a)Chicago Sacremento California c) Cape Fear d)France e) south africa f) Australia g) Hong Kong Coming soon :Lunar Base Tranquility Thank you for your intrest in Team Vanguard, hope to see soon at one of our bases. Signed , Patriot Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Proemial Posted March 28, 2003 Report Share Posted March 28, 2003 Patriot The irony of discussing this topic through this particular medium (My sincere apologies to QUARK) is quite amusing, though I am sure that the remainder of the readership are taking notes on our conversation. However, back to the topic at hand. Team Vanguard seems to be quite impressive, not that I had any doubts. You certainly will run a hard bargain against anyone else. I am seriously considering the matter. I must admit that I find the offer attractive mostly for points two, and nine through eleven. I am curious about this "body-slide" though. I am capable of extremely high-speed aerial maneouvering. If I were to be subject to a "body-slide" would the "danger room" be able to control any wild inertia, to prevent a lethal impact with the walls? To calm any fears, I should assure Team Vanguard that I have only lost control -- gone "bezerk" -- a total of four times since the incident with Parasite. Each of these four times was of short duration, lasting no more than a few minutes, though I was still quite destructive. Since I am confident that the readership of this esteemed publication already is quite aware of my capabilities, I will outline my c.v. for Team Vanguard as a form of pre-application. Unlimited range high-speed flight. I have been clocked at 4x the speed of sound (measured at sea level, 15 C) at my maximum velocity in atmosphere. My flight mode is non-inertial, and as such I am capable of zero-motion hovering, 180 degree non-curving turns, and instant full range omni-directional acceleration. Outside of major gravity wells (near-planet, for example) I can attain supra-relativistic speeds during which my maneouverability and reaction time drops dramatically, though I am protected from incidental destruction by stray hydrogen atoms and particulate matter. I'll note that there is no time-dilation effect when attaining those speeds, as I do not use a "conventional" method for bypassing Einsteining special relativity. I am hardy in most environments. I need no special equipment to survive in hard vacuum, polar conditions, nuclear reactors, or solar coronas. I have neither the need to eat, nor breath. I have yet to test my high-pressure resistances as my capability to maneouver is obviously hindered underwater. I have tested my carrying capacity to 2.5 tonnes, and am capable of carrying this weight even at top flight speed. Carried objects suffer no integrity loss, due to the nature of my flight (solar-harnessed gravimetric control fields). I have minor resistances, enabling me to ignore most medium arms fire (both mundane and energy-projection form). I should note that this resistance will not protect me from a high-speed impact caused by my own flight powers. This has been tested, and I do not wish to be laid up in hospital again for that amount of time. My abilities to channel solar plasma have been severely limited since my encounter with Parasite. I theorize that he has somehow managed to siphon off a great deal of my power, and is capable of using it for himself. My current projection ability summons bolts of high-energy plasma capable of melting most mundane substances. This plasma, as I have had the unfortunate luck to learn, is lethal to unprotected individuals. I can project in a number of modes, including a rapid burst fire mode, a more powerful shorter range single beam, and an area projection centered on myself. I am also capable of constraining the plasma to a field around my hands, which affords me a devastating hand-to-hand capability. However, this field takes some time to build up, and I am not capable of using the plasma in both close-field and ranged mode simultaneously I hold a degree in Journalism (Columbia), and a Masters in High-energy Physics (Marseille). I am fluent in English, French and Italian. I am currently studying Arabic, Spanish and Tagalog. I have no family members, nor loved ones, who could conceivably be used against me. None survived my initial rampage. Those friends and loved ones that have entered my life since my rampage are quite capable of handling themselves. I will convey a complete printer-friendly c.v. under seperate, more secure cover to Team Vanguard's recruitment office. Thank you for this opportunity to prove myself, once more, as a useful member of the community. Seraphim Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Patriot Posted March 29, 2003 Report Share Posted March 29, 2003 Proemial Let them read it, no secrets are being given away, Besides, I can take'em! The body slide technology we have has itertail dampeners. so your accelaration will not be an issue it has teleported a member going mach 88 at one point in time Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QUARK Posted March 29, 2003 Author Report Share Posted March 29, 2003 Originally posted by Proemial Dear QUARK I am having something of a dilemma: A few years back I started my career as a Hero. You may remember some of my exploits in the Pacific Rim theatre, and that messy business involving the orbital war for Earth's magnetic field. Without meaning to trumpet myself too loudly, I did manage to kick a few world-conquerering schemes drummed up by so called geniuses. Yes, and it looks like they didn't listen to my advice. However, a few months back I got possessed by one your villainous comrades. Nice chap by the name of Parasite. I've known quite a few parasites in my time, the last one was my roommate in college. Sadly his possession went a bit awry, and resulted in me going on a murderous rampage up the Eastern Seaboard of the United States for a few months. Many innocent people died, as well as some heroes and villains. Oh, THAT Parasite. Unfortuately, this happens alot with him. I told him to stick to possessing mere mortals but he just has to be a big shot. Since the rampage, my old friends don't want to associate with me. In fact, many of them consider me no better than you murderous scum. Heroes can be so cruel with their value judgements Anyway, to the point, I'm seeking some way of drowning the gnawing guilt that sits in my soul. Watch a couple of hours of "reality television", that's enough to make anyone's soul go numb. Since I've noticed that you villainous types rarely seem to have attacks of conscience, I'm wondering if the villain route would be the way to go for a cure? Possibly, but if you plan to make a career of evil be prepared to go all the way. Nobody repects a bad guy who does things half-assed. So, if anyone out there is in need of a helper who can fly faster than fighter jets, and can channel the inferno of the sun in order to slag aircraft carriers and small towns, please contact me. Seraphim I'm sure a person of your talents will have no trouble finding a villain group or organization who'll be happy to have you as a member. Bad Probability, Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nightfire Posted March 30, 2003 Report Share Posted March 30, 2003 Originally posted by QUARK [ I'm sure a person of your talents will have no trouble finding a villain group or organization who'll be happy to have you as a member. Bad Probability, [/b] I don't have an organization persay, since as an Anarchist it would be a contradiction, but I'm alwas looking for someone willing to put the heroes in their place. The Pay is good and on a per diem basis, so no need to punch a clock. Bookworm Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gary Posted March 31, 2003 Report Share Posted March 31, 2003 Yo Patriot! Patriot, Just a friendly word of warning. Jenna has the power of truesight, so it's very possible that your butler isn't really your butler, if you know what I mean. I wouldn't imagine that Team Vanguard would hire perverted sickos, but this is your French base after all... Kosmic Krusher Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gary Posted April 5, 2003 Report Share Posted April 5, 2003 Dear Quark, I've made great progress in Project 792 PTS. However, I find that I need an ingredient called Chemical X. An insanely intelligent (but highly redundant) colleague of mine has assured me that he can produce some, but given his prior track record, I have my doubts. Should I just bypass the middleman and kidnap the professor who developed the formula? It would be highly risky as his three daughters make fearsome bodyguards. However, possession of Chemical X would greatly enhance my chances of conquering the world. Kosmic Krusher Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QUARK Posted April 5, 2003 Author Report Share Posted April 5, 2003 Originally posted by Gary Dear Quark, I've made great progress in Project 792 PTS. However, I find that I need an ingredient called Chemical X. An insanely intelligent (but highly redundant) colleague of mine has assured me that he can produce some, but given his prior track record, I have my doubts. Should I just bypass the middleman and kidnap the professor who developed the formula? It would be highly risky as his three daughters make fearsome bodyguards. However, possession of Chemical X would greatly enhance my chances of conquering the world. Kosmic Krusher Dear Kosmic Krusher, I just so happens I duped the professor into giving me the formula for Chemical X last week (I still can't believe he really thought I was my goody-two-shoes brother, what a sucker ). I'd be happy to share the formula in exchange for your help in stealing one of Mechanon's back-up robot bodies, I'm sick of being couped up in SSM headquarters all day. Bad Probability, Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gary Posted April 5, 2003 Report Share Posted April 5, 2003 Originally posted by QUARK Dear Kosmic Krusher, I just so happens I duped the professor into giving me the formula for Chemical X last week (I still can't believe he really thought I was my goody-two-shoes brother, what a sucker ). I'd be happy to share the formula in exchange for your help in stealing one of Mechanon's back-up robot bodies, I'm sick of being couped up in SSM headquarters all day. Bad Probability, You have a deal. I can make some custom improvements in the body if you wish, or my colleague Genesis (Jenna) could grow a custom clone android body for you. Being able to pass as human does have a few advantages. Kosmic Krusher Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue Posted April 7, 2003 Report Share Posted April 7, 2003 Dear QUARK, While cleaning out the recently confiscated base of the local group of evil-doers our team has run across some very interesting facts. I speak of the blow-up doll in the closet in the room of the team's leader (beneath a pile of stiff kleenex tissues), a past-due notice for electrolysis payments by the team's resident 'babe' villain, a collection of Strawberry Shortcake and My Little Pony paraphenalia in the room of the team's brick, and a series of badly written love poems to foxbat that belong to an unknown individual among the team. My question is... is it wrong of us to release all of this information? We're heroes.. But come on! Just how many scruples do we have to have! We can be good guys and still leak this info to the press, right? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
misterdeath Posted April 7, 2003 Report Share Posted April 7, 2003 Originally posted by Gary You have a deal. I can make some custom improvements in the body if you wish, or my colleague Genesis (Jenna) could grow a custom clone android body for you. Being able to pass as human does have a few advantages. Kosmic Krusher Beware of this, I tried sending QUARK a very nice biomorphic android for Christmas. Had it made up all pretty, with some nice enhancements, including a Reverse Phase Anti-photon Cannon. It came marked Undeliverable, and it blew up when I opened it. Inside was a note, "Please, do not attempt this again."--L.C.F. Sorry. Just an FYI. Took a few days to get bioplasm off the carpet. D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QUARK Posted April 7, 2003 Author Report Share Posted April 7, 2003 Originally posted by misterdeath Beware of this, I tried sending QUARK a very nice biomorphic android for Christmas. Had it made up all pretty, with some nice enhancements, including a Reverse Phase Anti-photon Cannon. It came marked Undeliverable, and it blew up when I opened it. Inside was a note, "Please, do not attempt this again."--L.C.F. Sorry. Just an FYI. Took a few days to get bioplasm off the carpet. D Uncle Lou did that? Damn... Okay, don't send the robot body to SSM HQ, send it to my idiot younger sibling Q.U.I.R.K. and he'll bring it to me (I bribed him with a copy of Grand Theft Auto: Vice City). In the meantime, it appears me and Uncle Lou need to have a little chat. Bad Probability, Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QUARK Posted April 7, 2003 Author Report Share Posted April 7, 2003 Originally posted by Blue Dear QUARK, While cleaning out the recently confiscated base of the local group of evil-doers our team has run across some very interesting facts. I speak of the blow-up doll in the closet in the room of the team's leader (beneath a pile of stiff kleenex tissues), a past-due notice for electrolysis payments by the team's resident 'babe' villain, a collection of Strawberry Shortcake and My Little Pony paraphenalia in the room of the team's brick, and a series of badly written love poems to foxbat that belong to an unknown individual among the team. My question is... is it wrong of us to release all of this information? We're heroes.. But come on! Just how many scruples do we have to have! We can be good guys and still leak this info to the press, right? Dear Blue, If they actually left embarassing items such as you've discribed just lying around, I'd say it's fair game. Infact, I for one would love to hear even more details if you have them. Bad Probability, Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue Posted April 7, 2003 Report Share Posted April 7, 2003 Alright, but you asked for it. And I quote: Cape wavers in the mid day breeze Your scent like fine, ripe cheese Bloodshod eyes the red of vibrant roses When you cough I can hear violins Conquer me o' caped rodent Bring me to your base of love Let me see your ping pong balls You're my fox and I'm your dove It was physically painful to retype that. I'd narrow down the author by saying that whichever of the team it was obviously has no taste, but it turns out that doesn't narrow anything down within that crew! Excuse me, I need to go take a cheese grater to my brain. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gary Posted April 7, 2003 Report Share Posted April 7, 2003 Originally posted by QUARK Uncle Lou did that? Damn... Okay, don't send the robot body to SSM HQ, send it to my idiot younger sibling Q.U.I.R.K. and he'll bring it to me (I bribed him with a copy of Grand Theft Auto: Vice City). In the meantime, it appears me and Uncle Lou need to have a little chat. Bad Probability, Quark, I just sent 8 bodies over. Male/Female "hunk"/"babe" Male "anonymous" Female "child" Male/Female "Old Fart"/"Old Crone" Generic dog Generic cat Unfortunately, the shape shift model is a trifle unstable. It's safer shipping separate bodies. Let me know what attachments and upgrades you want. By adding in Chemical X, these bodies can be greatly strengthened. Kosmic Krusher Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Space Cadet Posted April 7, 2003 Report Share Posted April 7, 2003 Originally posted by Blue Dear QUARK, While cleaning out the recently confiscated base of the local group of evil-doers our team has run across some very interesting facts. I speak of the blow-up doll in the closet in the room of the team's leader (beneath a pile of stiff kleenex tissues), a past-due notice for electrolysis payments by the team's resident 'babe' villain, a collection of Strawberry Shortcake and My Little Pony paraphenalia in the room of the team's brick, and a series of badly written love poems to foxbat that belong to an unknown individual among the team. My question is... is it wrong of us to release all of this information? We're heroes.. But come on! Just how many scruples do we have to have! We can be good guys and still leak this info to the press, right? YEEECCCCHH!!... And I thought the Freshmen's Dorm here at the Academy was a sleazy joint... Space Cadet:eek: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QUARK Posted June 11, 2003 Author Report Share Posted June 11, 2003 Originally posted by Gary Quark, I just sent 8 bodies over. Male/Female "hunk"/"babe" Male "anonymous" Female "child" Male/Female "Old Fart"/"Old Crone" Generic dog Generic cat Unfortunately, the shape shift model is a trifle unstable. It's safer shipping separate bodies. Let me know what attachments and upgrades you want. By adding in Chemical X, these bodies can be greatly strengthened. Kosmic Krusher Dear Krusher, Thanks again for the new bodies. If it can be arranged, I'm going to need a new shapeshifter body. You were right about the unstable part, though I believe there's a way to correct the problem (I'm sending you some specs and notes that might be helpful). In the meantime... A SPECIAL ANOUNCEMENT FOR ALL SUPER SCUM MAGAZINE SUBSCRIBERS: With the recent mysterious disappearance of Uncle Lou, I as the senior most member of the SSM staff will be acting editor and chief. Lou was last seen during the aftermath of an evil plot gone horribly wrong down at the Bad Sector Club. My contact at the Space Academy has recently informed me that he hasn't been by with the latest batch of Super Scum Magazines and other contraband goodies, so we here at SSM Headquarters fear the worst. I will keep you informed as further information becomes available Bad Probability, Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
death tribble Posted June 11, 2003 Report Share Posted June 11, 2003 I would just like to thank Quark for his timely return. Your astute and thought provoking advice has been sorely missed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
"V" Posted June 11, 2003 Report Share Posted June 11, 2003 Outraged, London I've just managed to get hold of a copy of the Swimsuit Edition referred to at the start of the thread. Imagine my delight and anticipation as I scuttled back to my Penumbratic Palace and bolted the doors behind me. Imagine my delight turning to horror as I unfolded the Centrefold and discovered some pneumatic wench in a sapphire blue micro-kini! I'd been promised Michael Jackson in a thong! Now admittedly his recent thongs have thucked, but I'm still outraged. Furnish me with semi-nude neo-albino pictures or it's firework time! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gary Posted June 11, 2003 Report Share Posted June 11, 2003 Originally posted by QUARK Dear Krusher, Thanks again for the new bodies. If it can be arranged, I'm going to need a new shapeshifter body. You were right about the unstable part, though I believe there's a way to correct the problem (I'm sending you some specs and notes that might be helpful). In the meantime... QUARK, Your new specs do not make sense. I do not see how the blood of a virgin, eye of newt, or thong from a semi-nude neo-albino will help stabilize the new body. Please explain. Kosmic Krusher Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Space Cadet Posted June 13, 2003 Report Share Posted June 13, 2003 Re: Outraged, London Originally posted by "V" I've just managed to get hold of a copy of the Swimsuit Edition referred to at the start of the thread. Imagine my delight and anticipation as I scuttled back to my Penumbratic Palace and bolted the doors behind me. Imagine my delight turning to horror as I unfolded the Centrefold and discovered some pneumatic wench in a sapphire blue micro-kini! I'd been promised Michael Jackson in a thong! Now admittedly his recent thongs have thucked, but I'm still outraged. Furnish me with semi-nude neo-albino pictures or it's firework time! I know that this board occasionally attracts some, shall we say, interesting people, but this... the only word in the English language that really fits here is: BLEEEAARRRGGGGHHHHHH!! Space Cadet Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
"V" Posted June 13, 2003 Report Share Posted June 13, 2003 How rude. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Southern Cross Posted June 13, 2003 Report Share Posted June 13, 2003 Fake Swimsuit Edition Err "V" you do know that the version with Michael Jackson in a thong was a fake? You have the REAL Super Scum Swimsuit Edition. And I have to concur with Space Cadet on this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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