BlueCloud2k2 Posted September 9, 2014 Report Share Posted September 9, 2014 Q: What did you say to the stripper that earned you a slap? A: There's not enough blood in my pudding. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Asperion Posted September 10, 2014 Report Share Posted September 10, 2014 Q: What did you say to the stripper that earned you a slap? A: There's not enough blood in my pudding. Q: Did you say that Dracula has gotta stop working at the butchers? A: When Vader stares at you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted September 10, 2014 Report Share Posted September 10, 2014 A: When Vader stares at you. Q: How do you know you're about to have trouble breathing? A: Now I'm dropping names almost constantly -- that's what Kanye West keeps telling me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BlueCloud2k2 Posted September 10, 2014 Report Share Posted September 10, 2014 Q: I find it hard to believe you have met half the people you mention in conversation. A: Next time base coat in black, dry brush in white, paint it brown and gradually blend it red, then wash it in yellow. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marcus Impudite Posted September 10, 2014 Report Share Posted September 10, 2014 Q: I find it hard to believe you have met half the people you mention in conversation. A: Next time base coat in black, dry brush in white, paint it brown and gradually blend it red, then wash it in yellow. Q: My DYI paint job looks like crap, where did I go wrong? A: "You idiots! You're supposed to kill the terrorists, not the tourists!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted September 10, 2014 Report Share Posted September 10, 2014 A: "You idiots! You're supposed to kill the terrorists, not the tourists!" Q: Those people taking pictures of the Capitol? I don't think they were really a family. They looked funny. So why are you annoyed at me for shooting them? A: You're either a prisoner or a jailer. There is no third status in America. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Asperion Posted September 11, 2014 Report Share Posted September 11, 2014 Q: Those people taking pictures of the Capitol? I don't think they were really a family. They looked funny. So why are you annoyed at me for shooting them? A: You're either a prisoner or a jailer. There is no third status in America. Q: So, are we now going to start calling everyone in America by the correct terms now? A: The Firefly Solution. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted September 11, 2014 Report Share Posted September 11, 2014 A: The Firefly Solution. Q: Is there a way to remind us that not everything Joss Whedon touches turns into enormous piles of money? A: This might not have been the best project to ask Peter Jackson to direct. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted September 11, 2014 Report Share Posted September 11, 2014 A: This might not have been the best project to ask Peter Jackson to direct. Q - Is Peter Jackson really on Hillary Clinton's short list for campaign director? A - Mister Rogers never fought the Viet Cong. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BlueCloud2k2 Posted September 12, 2014 Report Share Posted September 12, 2014 Q: Was it really necessary to urinate on Mr. Rogers's gravestone on veteran's day? A: Vodka Martini. Shaken, not stirred. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted September 12, 2014 Report Share Posted September 12, 2014 A: Vodka Martini. Shaken, not stirred. Q - What drink order demonstrates that you're a pretentious snob who prefers to water his liquor? A - No, your Honor, I am not now, nor have I ever been, a member of VIPER. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BlueCloud2k2 Posted September 13, 2014 Report Share Posted September 13, 2014 Q: I heard George W. Bush was arrested for being part of a criminal organization in his youth. I wonder how he got off? A: You do realize that back in the day 30 pieces of silver was chump change, right? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Asperion Posted September 14, 2014 Report Share Posted September 14, 2014 Q: I heard George W. Bush was arrested for being part of a criminal organization in his youth. I wonder how he got off? A: You do realize that back in the day 30 pieces of silver was chump change, right? Q: You said gold? I thought that the price was silver. A: Jedi Medical really leaves a lot to the power of the mind. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted September 14, 2014 Report Share Posted September 14, 2014 A: Jedi Medical really leaves a lot to the power of the mind. Q: Yes, the Empire were murderous bastards. I'll give you that. But don't you think they had a better public health system? A: Not everyone is John Galt, but if you're not you don't matter, Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BlueCloud2k2 Posted September 14, 2014 Report Share Posted September 14, 2014 Q: What's the moral of the story, so to speak, of Atlas Shrugged? A: I'm not lost. I know exactly where I am - I'm in the middle of the woods. I just don't know how to get out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted September 14, 2014 Report Share Posted September 14, 2014 A: I'm not lost. I know exactly where I am - I'm in the middle of the woods. I just don't know how to get out. Q - Did you hear the one about Werner Heisenberg's camping trip? A - Seasons will change, you must move on. Follow your dream. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BlueCloud2k2 Posted September 14, 2014 Report Share Posted September 14, 2014 Q: So what do you think of my idea to use Kickstarter to bring back Firefly? A: But I don't want to be a second-class-citizen! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted September 14, 2014 Report Share Posted September 14, 2014 A: But I don't want to be a second-class-citizen! Q: Why are you refusing the promotion from being a third-class citizen? A: You forfeited your right to call yourself a citizen when you joined that Secret Society of yours! Now go back to serving the Computer, who is your friend! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted September 14, 2014 Report Share Posted September 14, 2014 A: You forfeited your right to call yourself a citizen when you joined that Secret Society of yours! Now go back to serving the Computer, who is your friend! Q - Suffering from Paranoia much? A - We'll need more than a bulldozer for that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BlueCloud2k2 Posted September 14, 2014 Report Share Posted September 14, 2014 Q: Are we ready to clean up DC and install a new government? I have my Bobcat ready. A: I've heard of gun-shy but you're taking it to new levels. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted September 14, 2014 Report Share Posted September 14, 2014 A: I've heard of gun-shy but you're taking it to new levels. Q: Every time I see an AK-47 I start to blush and get nervous. Can I get one to go out with me? A: I napped and had a snack, and I debated how long I'd have to dig to bury stuff under the carpet. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BlueCloud2k2 Posted September 14, 2014 Report Share Posted September 14, 2014 Q: What makes you think you are a cat trapped in a man's body? A: I believe irony tastes like ham. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted September 16, 2014 Report Share Posted September 16, 2014 A: I believe irony tastes like ham. Q: I didn't know I ate that! Nobody told me what it was! And it was the most delicious thing I ever had! Does this mean I can't be a Jew anymore? A: I don't think that beverage is even legal in Idaho. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted September 16, 2014 Report Share Posted September 16, 2014 A: I don't think that beverage is even legal in Idaho. Q: Says here: Molten plutonium, Everclear, simple syrup, and a dash of Tabasco. Is that really what's in an Atomic Heartburn? A: I've got it! It's Ebola-Cola! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BlueCloud2k2 Posted September 16, 2014 Report Share Posted September 16, 2014 Q: What makes you think terrorists have seized control of the soda factory? A: She's less Queen of the Damned and more Queen of the Whining Emo Bitches. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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