Mister E Posted March 22, 2010 Report Share Posted March 22, 2010 Re: A Robert E. Howard moment..... Conan vs. Captain America the above link to ("What If Conan the Barbarian Walked the Earth Today?") is a prelude to this ("What If Conan the Barbarian were Stranded in the 20th Century?"): http://www.htmlcomics.com/Book/html.asp?Series_Name=What%20If%20(V1)&Book_No=043&Page_Number=1&Alpha=|&Lookup=what%20if Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lord Liaden Posted March 22, 2010 Report Share Posted March 22, 2010 Re: A Robert E. Howard moment..... Well, if we limit the barroom brawlers to the roster of Robert E. Howard's protagonists, I still have to give the crown to the star of Howard's "planetary romance" novel Almuric, Esau Cairn. Cairn is the ultimate extension of Howard's thesis that civilization makes men soft -- while Conan is the supreme barbarian, Cairn is even closer to the primal savage. Extraordinarily strong and athletic compared to civilized men on modern Earth, Cairn is transported to a wilderness on a distant planet, alone among ferocious beasts, compelled to fight like an animal to survive. Over many months this lifestyle toughens him like an animal. When he encounters a civilization of Neanderthal-like barbarians, the Guras -- essentially a whole culture of Conans -- Howard explicitly states that Cairn's savage existence gives him the edge in quickness and endurance over his barbaric opponents. That, and his great natural skill in fisticuffs, enabled him to effectively battle several Guras at once. The parameters of the original challenge play to Esau Cairn's strengths, so I have to give him the nod. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest steamteck Posted March 22, 2010 Report Share Posted March 22, 2010 Re: A Robert E. Howard moment..... the above link to ("What If Conan the Barbarian Walked the Earth Today?") is a prelude to this ("What If Conan the Barbarian were Stranded in the 20th Century?"): http://www.htmlcomics.com/Book/html.asp?Series_Name=What%20If%20(V1)&Book_No=043&Page_Number=1&Alpha=|&Lookup=what%20if I'd still bet on Cap despite this. It was a pretty believable fight though. Not as crazy about the rest of the story . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RexMundi Posted March 22, 2010 Author Report Share Posted March 22, 2010 Re: A Robert E. Howard moment..... Cap beats everyone no matter what version. HOWEVER, He, Doc, and Tarzan aren't part of the initial line up in the bar (though, that would be an interesting thing to contemplate)......Cairn though, could be added.....then I would of course have to add a few more that would turn a Barroom Brawl into a Blood Bath....heh. ~Rex Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ranxerox Posted March 22, 2010 Report Share Posted March 22, 2010 Re: A Robert E. Howard moment..... the above link to ("What If Conan the Barbarian Walked the Earth Today?") is a prelude to this ("What If Conan the Barbarian were Stranded in the 20th Century?"): http://www.htmlcomics.com/Book/html.asp?Series_Name=What%20If%20(V1)&Book_No=043&Page_Number=1&Alpha=|&Lookup=what%20if I'm sorry. I meant to link to the issue that you linked to, not issue 13. Have some rep for providing the correct link. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RexMundi Posted March 22, 2010 Author Report Share Posted March 22, 2010 Re: A Robert E. Howard moment..... All's good when the links are fixed. ~Rex Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest steamteck Posted March 22, 2010 Report Share Posted March 22, 2010 Re: A Robert E. Howard moment..... Cap beats everyone no matter what version. HOWEVER, He, Doc, and Tarzan aren't part of the initial line up in the bar (though, that would be an interesting thing to contemplate)......Cairn though, could be added.....then I would of course have to add a few more that would turn a Barroom Brawl into a Blood Bath....heh. ~Rex Conan is still my bet in the original line up. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RexMundi Posted March 23, 2010 Author Report Share Posted March 23, 2010 Re: A Robert E. Howard moment..... And I'm siding with Costigan. ~Rex Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Susano Posted March 23, 2010 Report Share Posted March 23, 2010 Re: A Robert E. Howard moment..... I'm siding with whoever has the most pluses. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RexMundi Posted March 23, 2010 Author Report Share Posted March 23, 2010 Re: A Robert E. Howard moment..... It's a Bar Fight. Sailor Steve Costigan is nigh unstoppable in a Barfight. Head of wood fists of Iron. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest steamteck Posted March 23, 2010 Report Share Posted March 23, 2010 Re: A Robert E. Howard moment..... It's a Bar Fight. Sailor Steve Costigan is nigh unstoppable in a Barfight. Head of wood fists of Iron. but in Howardworld more barbaric is always superior. No blades would certainly put most of the others at a disadvantage though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mister E Posted March 24, 2010 Report Share Posted March 24, 2010 Re: A Robert E. Howard moment..... The parameters of the original challenge play to Esau Cairn's strengths, so I have to give him the nod. And I'm siding with Costigan. I'll be the referee... "...I felt low in spirits..."[steve Costigan "The Bull Dog Breed"] "... all the constrained energy in me was pent up almost to the snapping point, giving me a terrific store of nervous power which stood me in good stead in my battle."[Esau Cairn "Almuric"] Hm... "I went into him like a whirlwind, lamming head on full into that left jab again and again, trying to get to him, but always my swings were short." [steve Costigan "The Bull Dog Breed"] "He exasperatedly grabbed my face in his broad hand and shoved me violently-down. That was a mistake. My jaws locked on his thumb, evoking an ear-splitting howl, and it was only with the aid of his comrades that he extricated the mangled member."[Esau Cairn "Almuric"] Try punching each other in the stomach. "He kept reaching me with that straight left, until finally I dived under it and sank my right deep into his midriff. It shook him--it should of brought him down." [The Bull Dog Breed] "I hooked my left into his belly with all the might of my heavy shoulders and powerfully driving legs behind it. The breath went out of him in an explosive gasp, and my fist sank to the wrist in his belly. He swayed, his mouth flying open, and I smashed my right to his sagging jaw. The punch started at my hip, and carried every ounce of my weight and strength. He went down like a slaughtered ox and lay without twitching, blood spreading out over his beard. That last smash had torn his lip open from the corner of his mouth to the rim of his chin, and must surely have fractured his jawbone as well."[Esau Cairn "Almuric"] The next thing I knowed, I was writhing around on the canvas feeling like my jaw was tore clean off..." [steve Costigan "The Bull Dog Breed"] Ouch! Steve is tough! "My whole frame was a throb of wrenched, twisted agony. Some of my muscles were numbed and useless. Blood poured from my nose and mouth."[Esau Cairn "Almuric"] "I woke up and bent him double with a savage left hook to the liver, crashing him with an overhand right behind the ear before he could straighten. He shook his head..." [steve Costigan "The Bull Dog Breed"] "Go home and don the skirts of women!"[Esau Cairn "Almuric"] Sticks & stones... "You gotta kill me to stop me, you big hash!"[steve Costigan "The Bull Dog Breed"] "I'll take the chance..."[Esau Cairn "Almuric"] "I drove my knee with terrific force up against his jaw. The impact must have broken his bull-neck like a twig. His shaggy head shot back between his shoulders, his bearded chin pointing straight up. He went down like a slaughtered ox, his head crashing hard on the stone floor."[Esau Cairn "Almuric"] Steve looks kind of dead... "I was on the canvas and this time I felt that it was to stay..."[steve Costigan "The Bull Dog Breed"] ... and the winner is... Esau "IRONHAND" Cairn! ~Mister "at least how I sees it" E Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RexMundi Posted March 24, 2010 Author Report Share Posted March 24, 2010 Re: A Robert E. Howard moment..... Heh, I'll rep that. Though when I shake out the REH box at home, the rematch may look a little different. ~Rex Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RJB Posted March 31, 2010 Report Share Posted March 31, 2010 Re: A Robert E. Howard moment..... There's an old saying: Never bring a knife to a gunfight. Kane has pistols. Kane wins. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Burrito Boy Posted March 31, 2010 Report Share Posted March 31, 2010 Re: A Robert E. Howard moment..... If we're going to get all technical and start quoting from REH's stories, here's an excerpt from "Guns of the Mountains" that proves Breckenridge Elkins would win. I seen red and didn't even shoot back. A mere rifle was too paltry to satisfy me. Suddenly I realized that the big boulder in front of me was just poised on the slope, its underside partly embedded in the earth. I throwed down my rifle and bent my knees and spread my arms and gripped it. I shook the sweat and blood outa my eyes, and bellered so them in the hollow could hear me: "I'm givin' you-all a chance to surrender! Come out, your hands up!" They give loud and sarcastic jeers, and I yelled: "All right, you ring-tailed jackasses! If you gets squashed like a pancake, it's your own fault. Here she comes!" And I heaved with all I had. The veins stood out on my temples, my feet sunk into the ground, but the earth bulged and cracked all around the big rock, rivelets of dirt begun to trickle down, and the big boulder groaned, give way and lurched over. A dumfounded yell riz from the cabin. I leaped behind a bush, but the outlaws was too surprized to shoot at me. That enormous boulder was tumbling down the hill, crushing bushes flat and gathering speed as it rolled. And the cabin was right in its path. Wild yells bust the air, the door was throwed violently open, and a man hove into view. Just as he started out of the door I let bam at him and he howled and ducked back just like anybody will when a .45-90 slug knocks their hat off. The next instant that thundering boulder hit the cabin. Smash! It knocked it sidewise like a ten pin and caved in the wall, and the whole structure collapsed in a cloud of dust and bark and splinters. I run down the slope, and from the yells which issued from under the ruins, I knowed they hadn't all been killed. "Does you-all surrender?" I roared. "Yes, dern it!" they squalled. "Get us out from under this landslide!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RexMundi Posted March 31, 2010 Author Report Share Posted March 31, 2010 Re: A Robert E. Howard moment..... No boulders in my Bar. Besides no self respecting bar would allow Elkins past the front door. ~Rex Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lord Liaden Posted March 31, 2010 Report Share Posted March 31, 2010 Re: A Robert E. Howard moment..... If it's a self-respecting bar, most of Howard's heroes would be stopped at the door. Which could be what starts the fight. Come to think of it, what's Solomon Kane doing in a bar anyway? He's a Puritan. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Susano Posted March 31, 2010 Report Share Posted March 31, 2010 Re: A Robert E. Howard moment..... If it's a self-respecting bar, most of Howard's heroes would be stopped at the door. Which could be what starts the fight. Come to think of it, what's Solomon Kane doing in a bar anyway? He's a Puritan. He's looking for someone. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RexMundi Posted March 31, 2010 Author Report Share Posted March 31, 2010 Re: A Robert E. Howard moment..... And you think Puritan meant Nice and Non violent and wouldn't be in a bar? *has to wander off to laugh for awhile.......* ~Rex Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Burrito Boy Posted April 1, 2010 Report Share Posted April 1, 2010 Re: A Robert E. Howard moment..... He's looking for someone. Le Loup. Red Shadows Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lord Liaden Posted April 2, 2010 Report Share Posted April 2, 2010 Re: A Robert E. Howard moment..... And you think Puritan meant Nice and Non violent and wouldn't be in a bar? *has to wander off to laugh for awhile.......* ~Rex Nope, it meant, "Doesn't drink, nor patronize dens of iniquity like bars." OTOH historical Puritans definitely weren't non-violent. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Obvious Posted April 2, 2010 Report Share Posted April 2, 2010 Re: A Robert E. Howard moment..... Kane has business in bars. When you're chosen by God to scourge the world of evil, you have to go where the evil lurks. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lord Liaden Posted April 2, 2010 Report Share Posted April 2, 2010 Re: A Robert E. Howard moment..... You could certainly create a plot justifying Solomon Kane going into a bar; I was just pointing out that he's not a "walk in and hang around 'til a fight breaks out" kinda guy, like the others. I really just wanted to make what I thought would be an amusing comment -- I'm sorry if it fell flat. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RexMundi Posted April 5, 2010 Author Report Share Posted April 5, 2010 Re: A Robert E. Howard moment..... Only thing falling Flat, is Bran Mak Morn when Sailor Steve wallops him in the bread basket! ~Rex Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Susano Posted April 5, 2010 Report Share Posted April 5, 2010 Re: A Robert E. Howard moment..... Only thing falling Flat, is Bran Mak Morn when Sailor Steve wallops him in the bread basket! ~Rex Provided Steve can hit Bran. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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