BoneDaddy

Look, America, I know you were in a hurry this morning.  An early appointment, slept in, forgot to buy milk for breakfast. There's lots of good excuses for missing your meds this morning. I get it. I'm not judging. All I'm saying is, you have to go home, sit down, and take them now.

at some point in my thirties I became very weepy. 

Sadly not surprising. Gotta keep their stooge on the payroll.

Not true. I just taught my students how to solve systems of equations with two and three unknowns.

So it was "sham"-pagne.

Prank call causes $35,000 in damage

Unlikely goat and tiger friendship tragically ends in fight
 

Some of my best friends are people I only know from an obscure message board for an obscure pencil and paper RPG.  I too would mourn.

I don't know what I will be without it. It has been my armor, my skeleton, my muscle and sinew, my will, my drive, my voice, my laugh and my cry.

Compounding that: a portion of those around you resents you for that.

As for the Oscars (and the 500 hundred other hollywood award shows)...I will focus on REAL minority causes like police assassinations of young black men, thank you very much.  Pretentious pampered rich people giving silly statues to other pretentious pampered rich people based on total subjectivity in razor specific genres (no comedies, no action movies, no martial movies, no horror movies, etc.).

"We" started naming winter storms when the Weather Channel decided they needed to sensationalize weather. When I am crowned emperor, those jackasses will be put up against the wall and shot. Right next to the guys who started capitalizing "Realtor" as though it were a royal title.

The ear hair is the worst.  It feels like there's a horde of tiny spiders living in there.

How many Germans does it take to change a lightbulb? 
One. They are efficient and they aren't funny.

When I was twenty, I really-really cared.
 
Past forty, I really-really don't care.
 
Call it cause exhaustion.
 
Give it a rest.

The lion and the lamb may lay down together, but the lamb will not get much sleep. I wonder if the same applies to tigers and goats.

Only fired?  If that was my kid the bus driver would have to beg to go to prison where I couldn't get to him.

How many Germans does it take to change a lightbulb? 
One. They are efficient and they aren't funny.

"Atlas Slugged."

Been a long time since I've felt the need to block someone, but when you repeatedly insult someone and tell them to calm down when they weren't worked up until you insulted them... I just can't handle that kind of intentional jackassery anymore. 

I'm sure most cops want to get a little ass in the back of the squad car.

I'm sure most cops want to get a little ass in the back of the squad car.

I'm sure most cops want to get a little ass in the back of the squad car.

Thanks, tkdguy, FrankL, and gewing. It's actually not as bad as I first thought. She came back to San Antonio less than a week after I found out she had moved. We got to hang out and I finally got the courage to tell her how I feel about her. We're not a couple but at least the possibility is there now and she might be staying here for good.

We are ready for the return of this yell:

https://youtu.be/m0U6h5mvr9E