alexraccoon

Re: Jokes After being interviewed by the school principal, the prospective teacher said, "Let me make sure I've got this right: you want me to take a room full of kids, fill them with a love for learning, instill pride in their ethnicity, maintain a safe environment, modify their disruptive behavior, observe them for signs of abuse, check their heads for lice, censor their T-shirt messages and dress habits, wage war on drugs and sexually transmitted diseases, check their backpacks for weapons, raise their self esteem, teach them patriotism, citizenship, sportsmanship, fair play, how to register to vote, how to balance a checkbook, how to apply for a job, recognize signs of anti-social behavior, make sure they all pass mandatory state exams (even those who don't attend regularly or finish assignments), give every student an equal education (regardless of mental or physical handicaps), communicate regularly with their parents by letter, telephone, newsletter, email, and report card, provide many of my own supplies since you have no budget to do so, and all on a salary that qualifies my family for food stamps? You expect me to do all this and then you expect me to not pray?!"

Re: Jokes A man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer. All of a sudden, he said out loud, "Lord, grant me one wish." Suddenly the sky clouded above his head and in a booming voice the Lord said, "Because you have TRIED to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish. The man said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over anytime I want." The Lord said, "Your request is very materialistic. Think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific ! The concrete and steel it would take." "I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of another wish, a wish you think would honor and glorify me." The man thought about it for a long time. Finally he said, "Lord, I wish that I could understand women. I want to know how they feel inside, what they are thinking when they give me the silent treatment, why they cry, what they mean when they say 'nothing', and how I can make a woman truly happy." The Lord replied, "Do you want lights on that bridge ?"

Re: The Death Note and How To Stop It In some more superstitious societies a person would have their personal name and a use or given name. The use name would be the name they were commonly identified by and there would be nothing special to it, the personal name would be given only to your intimate and most trusted companions that would strike me as the name that counts for this. I would say that your baptised name as given you by your parents is a use name, your personnal name would be the one you most identify with when you think of yourself. This can be bypassed if the person making the curse has access to a personnal item or blood nails hair etc to give the spirit something to target. If they just say spiderman and visualise the costume then the first person in such a costume would be targeted (Lord help anyone in fancydress)

Re: Jokes Some of you might like to know what supervisors are really saying in all those glowing employee work performance evaluations they keeps cranking out. AVERAGE: Not too bright. EXCEPTIONALLY WELL QUALIFIED: Has committed no major blunders to date. ACTIVE SOCIALLY: Drinks heavily. ZEALOUS ATTITUDE: Opinionated. CHARACTER ABOVE REPROACH: Still one step ahead of the law. UNLIMITED POTENTIAL: Will stick with us until retirement. QUICK THINKING: Offers plausible excuses for errors. TAKES PRIDE IN WORK: Conceited. TAKES ADVANTAGE OF EVERY OPPORTUNITY TO PROGRESS: Buys drinks for superiors. INDIFFERENT TO INSTRUCTION: Knows more than superiors. STERN DISCIPLINARIAN: A real jerk. TACTFUL IN DEALING WITH SUPERIORS: Knows when to keep mouth shut. APPROACHES DIFFICULT PROBLEMS WITH LOGIC: Finds someone else to do the job. A KEEN ANALYST: Thoroughly confused. NOT A DESK PERSON: Did not go to university. EXPRESSES SELF WELL: Can string two sentences together. SPENDS EXTRA HOURS ON THE JOB: Miserable home life. CONSCIENTIOUS AND CAREFUL: Scared. METICULOUS IN ATTENTION TO DETAIL: A nitpicker. DEMONSTRATES QUALITIES OF LEADERSHIP: Has a loud voice. JUDGMENT IS USUALLY SOUND: Lucky. MAINTAINS PROFESSIONAL ATTITUDE: A snob. KEEN SENSE OF HUMOR: Knows lots of dirty jokes. STRONG ADHERENCE TO PRINCIPLES: Stubborn. GETS ALONG EXTREMELY WELL WITH SUPERIORS AND SUBORDINATES ALIKE: A coward. SLIGHTLY BELOW AVERAGE: Stupid. OF GREAT VALUE TO THE ORGANIZATION: Turns in work on time. IS UNUSUALLY LOYAL: Wanted by no-one else. ALERT TO COMPANY DEVELOPMENTS: An office gossip. REQUIRES WORK-VALUE ATTITUDINAL READJUSTMENT: Lazy and hard-headed. HARD WORKER: Usually does it the hard way. ENJOYS JOB: Needs more to do. HAPPY: Paid too much. WELL ORGANIZED: Needs more to do. COMPETENT: Is still able to get work done if supervisor helps. CONSULTS WITH SUPERVISOR OFTEN: Pain in the ****. WILL GO FAR: Related to management. SHOULD GO FAR: Please. USES TIME EFFECTIVELY: Clock watcher. VERY CREATIVE: Finds 5 reasons to do anything except original work. USES RESOURCES WELL: Delegates everything. DESERVES PROMOTION: (or anything else - just get him or her away from me!).

Re: Jokes The four scariest phrases ever heard in the military: The E-1 who says, "I learned this in Basic Training..." The O-1 who says, "Based on my experience..." The E-5 who says, "Trust me, Sir..." The E-9 who chuckles, "Watch THIS sh*t..." Even more scary: A Pfc with a badge. A 2nd lieutenent with a map.

Re: The things I learned playing a gunbunny Don't draw fire; it irritates the people around you If the enemy is in range, so are you Aim towards the enemy is not a redundant instruction

Re: Jokes Reasons why Chocolate is better than Sex Chocolate satisfies even when it has gone soft. You can safely have chocolate while you are driving. You can make chocolate last as long as you want it to. You can have chocolate even in front of your mother. If you bite the nuts too hard the chocolate won't mind. Two people of the same sex can have chocolate without being called nasty names. The word "commitment" doesn't scare off chocolate. You can have chocolate on top of your workbench/desk during working hours without upsetting your co-workers. You can ask a stranger for chocolate without getting your face slapped. You don't get hairs in your mouth with chocolate. With chocolate there's no need to fake it. Chocolate doesn't make you pregnant. You can have chocolate at any time of the month. Good chocolate is easy to find. You can have as many kinds of chocolate as you can handle. You are never too young or too old for chocolate. When you have chocolate it does not keep your neighbors awake. With chocolate size doesn't matter.

Re: Jokes Why Pilots Prefer Airplanes Over Women * Airplanes usually kill you quickly; a woman takes her time. * Airplanes can be turned on by a flick of a switch. * Airplanes don't get mad if you do a "touch and go." * Airplanes don't object to a pre-flight inspection. * Airplanes come with a manual to explain their operation. * Airplanes have strict weight and balance limitations. * Airplanes can be flown at any time of the month. * Airplanes don't come with in-laws. * Airplanes don't care about how many other airplanes you've flow before. * Airplanes and pilots both arrive at the same time. * Airplanes don't mind if you look at other airplanes. * Airplanes don't mind if you buy airplane magazines. * Airplanes expect to be tied down. * Airplanes don't comment on your piloting skills. * Airplanes don't whine unless something is really wrong. * However, when airplanes go quiet, just like women, it's usually not good.

Re: Jokes You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to Alibear again.

Re: What I Learned Being a Star Hero GM best defence of this is the bumblebee an insect that is theoretically impossible to fly yet it does. Another defence vs hard science types is that what they know based on today is subject to change, all they're showing is their ignorance and primitive 20th century ideas.

Re: Jokes A little boy was standing in front of a mirror in the restroom at John F. Kennedy Airport, when in walked a Marine staff sergeant, dressed in his dress blues. The little boy turned to the Marine and said, "Wow! Are you a Marine?" The Marine replied, "Why, yes I am, young man. Would you like to wear my hat?" "Boy, would I!," said the little boy. He took the hat and placed it on his head and turned to admire himself in the mirror. As he was looking in the mirror, he heard the door open and through a ray of bright light, a man entered the room. But, this was not just a man -- he was more than a man. He was an Airborne Ranger. The little boy turned and went over to the soldier. As he approached him, he could see the reflection in his boots. His eyes widened as he stared up at the soldier's chest full of medals and combat ribbons. He tried to speak, but he couldn't. Finally, he took a deep breath, and managed to say, "Excuse me, Sir. Are you an Airborne Ranger?" The Ranger replied with a thunderous voice, "Why yes, I am!! Would you like to shine my boots?" The little boy smiled, and said, "Oh, no sir!! I'm not a Marine. I'm just wearing his hat!"

Re: Jokes Dear Mrs. Fenton, Over the past six months, your husband, Mr. Bill Fenton has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this type of behavior and have considered banning the entire family from shopping in any of our stores. We have documented all incidents on our video surveillance equipment. Three of our clerks are attending counseling from the trouble your husband has caused. All complaints against Mr. Fenton have been compiled and are listed below. Mr. Wally Brown, President and CEO of Wal Mart Complaint Department MEMO Re: Mr. Bill Fenton - Complaints Things Mr. Bill Fenton has done while his spouse is shopping: 1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking. 2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals. 3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the Rest rooms. 4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone, 'Code 3' in housewares..... and watched what happened. 5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and asked to put a bag of Smarties on lay away. 6. September 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area. 7. September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department. 8. September 23: When a clerk asks if they can help him, he begins to cry and asks "Why can't you people just leave me alone?' 9. October 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a mirror, and picked his nose. 10. November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, asked the clerk if he knows where the antidepressants are. 11. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme. 12. December 6: In the auto department, practiced his "Madonna look" using different size funnels. 13. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browse through, yelled "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!" (And; last, but not least!) 14. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door and waited a while; then, yelled, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!"

Primitive does not equal stupid. Even though they are only armed with spears and you are in a tank, they have the sense to decoy you into a pit pile wood upon your tank and set it alight.

Advanced alien technology which no-one can figure out even as to its purpose is simpler for me than programming the vcr for my parents.

Nomatter how advanced the ship and the targeting computer is I can get a better result switching it of closing my eyes and reaching out.

Re: Alien Conversions http://paizo.com/store/downloads/wizardsOfTheCoast/alternity/starDrive Paizo have these as electronic downloads. Noticed them as I was after some old D&D stuff for maps. I have a copy of the rules I bought of ebay again looking for maps and ideas to convert but I wasn't too impressed with it and haven't given it too much of a look.

Re: Alien Conversions I would be interested in anything you've done on 2300 are you looking to post them on these boards.

Re: What I've Learned Playing An Alien The best proof that aliens are intelligent life is that they stay as far away from earth as they can.

Re: What I've Learned Playing An Alien Humans are better at war because aliens always seem to have daft concepts of honour(like native american indians idea of counting coup) where as humans are far better killers.Total war vs limited war. This is not just a negative view humans are good at doing whatever it takes especially when the chips are down and the odds seem against us.

Re: The things I learned playing a gunbunny Consider using a projectile knife good to catch somebody by surprise especially if they use that line.

Re: Namedropping Herbert George Wells prolific writer on numerous topics and genres,socialist who believed in personal freedom provided it did not impact on the freedoms of others - Pulp hero and/or temporal adventurer visionary ahead of his time.

Re: The Death Note and How To Stop It If your team know that they are being preyed on this way then they should pair up. If one person gets a heart attack then they can do cpr on them. They can defend themselves in a 'final destination' type scenario until they can figure who's out to get them and begin to fight back. You as the gm can prepare a number of extreme or strange fatal attacks that they must prevent in order to stay alive. Sounds like a fair amount of work on your part but it could be fun. I have'nt read this manga but am assuming that the previous victims are all human and that the characters being powered or super skilled /trained stand a better chance of survival.

Re: Good limitations for sonic based powers

Re: The Things I Learned Playing A Villain... Clones,robot duplicates sciences way to help you try try again.

Re: The things I've learned playing a HERO No matter what you do or sacrifice to protect the general public a large segment of them will not appreciate it and a small segment will actively resent it