alexraccoon

Re: Jokes A man in Jersey calls his son in Chicago two days before Christmas and says, "I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough." "Jees Dad, what are you talking about?" the son screams. "We can't stand the sight of each other any longer," the father says, "we're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Detriot and tell her." Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. "No way they're getting divorced!" she shouts, "I'll take care of this." She calls Jersey immediately and screams at her father, "You are not getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there by tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing. DO YOU HEAR ME?" and hangs up. The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. "Okay," he says, "they're coming for Christmas and paying their own way."

Re: Traveller Hero Update free trader to far trader cargo loses a quarter(82 to 60 tons) as per mega traveller which I happen to have on ebook at work,from recall I'm sure this is the same in classic.

Re: "Neat" Pictures [attach]23576[/attach]

Re: Jokes Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend Common Sense. He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as knowing when to come in out of the rain, why the early bird gets the worm, life is not always fair and maybe it was my fault. His health began to deteriorate when well intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place and lost ground when parents attacked teachers for disciplining their unruly children and when schools were required to get parental consent to administer sun lotion or a sticking plaster to a student but could not inform the parents when a student became pregnant. He finally gave up the will to live after a woman failed to realise that a steaming cup of coffee was hot, she spilled a little in her lap and was promptly awarded a huge settlement through the courts. Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents Truth and Trust, his wife Discretion, his daughter Responsibility and his son Reason. Not many attended his funeral because so few realised he was gone. He is survived by three stepbrothers I Know My Rights, Someone Else Is To Blame and I'm A Victim.

Re: Populate a 17th century galleon http://www.greatgridlock.net/Sqrigg/galleon.html http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Golden_Hind http://www.elizabethan-era.org.uk/the-golden-hind-ship.htm THE GOLDEN HINDE Length 37m Hull 31m Waterline 23m Displacement 300tons Speed 8Knots=14kph SHIP WEAPONS Poop Deck x2 Petras (small cannon) Fore Deck x2 Petras Focsle x2 Falcon (Two Pound shot cannon) Stern x2 Falcon Gun Deck x14 Minion (Four Pound shot cannon) Personal weapons Armoury Crossbows,Long Bows,Polearms, Swords,Daggers, Muskets(Arquebuse) Crew 16th century x20 gentlemen officers 40 to 60 crew members

Re: Jokes Dear Abby, I've never written to you before, but I really need your advice on what could be a crucial decision. I've suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me. The usual signs... phone rings but if I answer, the caller hangs up. My wife has been going out with the girls a lot recently although when I ask their names she always says, "Just some friends from work, you don't know them." I always stay awake to look out for her taxi coming home, but she always walks down the drive. Although I can hear a car driving off, as if she has gotten out of the car round the corner. Why? Maybe she wasn't in a taxi? I once picked her mobile phone up just to see what time it was and she went berserk and screamed that I should never touch her phone again and why was I checking up on her. Anyway, I have never approached the subject with my wife. I think deep down I just didn't want to know the truth, but last night she went out again and I decided to really check on her. I decided I was going to park my Harley Davidson motorcycle next to the garage and then hide behind it so I could get a good view of the whole street when she came home. It was at that moment, crouching behind my Harley, that I noticed that the valve covers on my engine seemed to be leaking a little oil. Is this something I can fix myself or should I take it back to the dealer? Thanks, Bob.

Re: Jokes A woman, standing nude, looks in the bedroom mirror and says to her husband, "I feel horrible, I look fat and ugly. Pay me a compliment." The husband replies, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect." He never heard the shot....

Re: Shadowcats Vehicular Insanity Shop: Leopard 2 MBT winzip Cannot open file: it does not appear to be a valid archive.

Re: A way to late idea for Ultimate Mentalist I would say that the issue lies with how much the character in question identifies with humanity or some other social group. For example in order to kill it is far easier if you have dehumanised the target,do not see them as human or of a group deserving the same rights and respect that you yourself deserve. If the character is similar to magneto in xmen 3 then people are screwed. If however the character sees themselves as human with a slightly different gift/ability then they are unlikely to use their powers in an immoral or antisocial way.

Re: Mental Regeneration The problem with this scenario is that once your mind has been 'changed'/transformed would the character person know or be aware enough to reboot/use their aid. I far prefer the idea of the natural regeneration that once its run its course snaps your characters mind back to normal.

Re: Jokes The secretary in a mental-health clinic chose a new screensaver -- a picture of a dancing teapot playing the children's song "I'm a Little Teapot." Seeing this, a child psychiatrist posted a message on the secretary's desk: "Your computer is suffering from an identity disorder." A woman was fascinated by the elegant calligraphy on the hand-written menu in a Chinese restaurant. She took it home and spent months knitting a sweater with Chinese characters down the front. She was wearing it at a cocktail party when a Chinese physician asked where she got the symbols. "From a menu," she admitted. "Do you know what they say?" "I'm afraid to ask," my wife said, "but tell me anyway." " 'Cheap, but good.' "

Re: New Idea For Mental Powers Rather than having ego divided by 5 added to your powers why not keep the idea that ego is the indication of your mental strengh by allowing power cost/5 no greater than your ego. Further to that you can add a form of latent limitation by perhaps diving power cost by 10 or higher.

Re: Jokes Communication One reason the Military has trouble operating jointly is that they don't speak the same language. For example, if you told Navy personnel to "secure a building," they would turn off the lights and lock the doors. Army personnel would occupy the building so no one could enter. Marines would assault the building, capture it, and defend it with suppressive fire and close combat. The Air Force, on the other hand, would take out a three-year lease with an option to buy.

Re: Jokes Things To Do When Jehovah Witnesses Visit You 1. Answer the door naked and carrying weaponry. 2. Pretend to be the slowest talking person in the world and see how long their spirit of Christian charity lasts. 3. Answer every one of their questions with "What do you mean by that?" This might take a while, but you and your loved ones can have fun placing bets on how long it takes for them to get flustered and leave. 4. Ask them to explain the story of Elisha and the Forty two children. You may have to resort to another method to actually get rid of them, but this will definitely make them sweat. 5. Excuse yourself from the front door and DO NOT come back. 6. Make a series of increasingly reprehensible fake phone calls - your bookie, order for pornography, drug deal, obscene call, and if they are STILL there, a tearful confession to the police for the murder of the last Witnesses who visited you. 7. Pick an often repeated word in their vocabulary (God, Jesus, heaven, it, the etc.) and giggle whenever they utter it. If they ask you what's going on, say "nothing, why?" in very even tones, and giggle again. 8. Same as above, except say "beep" instead of giggling. 9. Guys - part way through, begin putting on make-up, hosiery, a dress, the whole works. Make encouraging noises (uh huh, I see...) throughout and if they ask you what you're doing, pull a #7. If they're still there when you are done, ask them if they would please kindly leave as you have a hot date in ten minutes. 10. Look smug and tell them that your God can beat up their God.

Re: Music Instrument Familiarity The press over here are running a story that music lessons for children make them smarter and more intelligent so should music skills give you a bonus for intelligence characteristic:)

Re: Jokes Why God made Mums Answers given by 2nd grade school children to the following questions!!! Why did God make mothers? 1. She's the only one who knows where the sticky tape is. 2. Mostly to clean the house. 3. To help us out of there when we were getting born. How did God make mothers? 1. He used dirt, just like for the rest of us. 2. Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring. 3. God made my Mum just the same like he made me. He just used bigger parts. What ingredients are mothers made of? 1. God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything nice in the world and one dab of mean. 2. They had to get their start from men's bones. Then they mostly use string, I think. Why did God give you your mother and not some other mum? 1.We're related. 2. God knew she likes me a lot more than other people's mums like me. What kind of little girl was your mum? 1. My mum has always been my mum and none of that other stuff. 2. I don't know because I wasn't there, but my guess would be pretty bossy. 3. They say she used to be nice. What did mum need to know about dad before she married him? 1. His last name. 2. She had to know his background. Like is he a crook? Does he get drunk on beer? 3. Does he make at least $800 a year? Did he say NO to drugs and YES to chores? Why did your mum marry your dad? 1. My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world. And my Mum eats a lot. 2. She got too old to do anything else with him. 3. My grandma says that Mum didn't have her thinking cap on. Who's the boss at your house? 1. Mum doesn't want to be boss, but she has to because dad's such a goof ball. 2. Mum. You can tell by room inspection. She sees the stuff under the bed. 3. I guess Mum is, but only because she has a lot more to do than dad. What's the difference between mums & dads? 1. Mums work at work and work at home and dads just go to work at work. 2. Mums know how to talk to teachers without scaring them. 3. Dads are taller and stronger, but mums have all the real power 'cause that's who you got to ask if you want to sleep over at your friend's. 4. Mums have magic, they make you feel better without medicine. What does your mum do in her spare time? 1. Mothers don't do spare time. 2. To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long. What would it take to make your mum perfect? 1. On the inside she's already perfect. Outside, I think some kind of plastic surgery. 2. Diet. You know, her hair. I'd diet, maybe blue. If you could change one thing about your Mum, what would it be? 1. She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean. I'd get rid of that. 2. I'd make my Mum smarter. Then she would know it was my sister who did it and not me. 3. I would like for her to get rid of those invisible eyes on the back of her head.

Re: "Neat" Pictures [ATTACH]22918[/ATTACH] http://www.timesonline.co.uk/article/0,,13509-2356727,00.html I thought this was sweet but one of my work colleagues (catholic) thinks its in bad taste

Re: Help with alternate U.S. history? What happens to the armed forces and bases overseas. If they have been withdrawn then what keeps China out of Tiawan and North Korea out of South Korea. Who has control of the us navy. Or would the services abroad have all been run down over your 26 years history. Also what would have happened to Israel if the soviets are strong in the middle east. Never thought I'd ever really think/say this but God bless America

Re: Need help with Sikh and Gurkhas Actually they were known as gurkhas long before they ever served in the British army. Your character can very easily be a SiKh either with or without the Gurkha ancestry. There is a very large contingent of Gurkhas serving in the indian army far more than in the British army, There is a large Sikh population in the Punjab and until recently they got on quite well with their Hindu neighbours, given that in Nepal men far outnumber the women it could be very likely that your characters father decided to stay in India and get married to a local girl. another alternative lies with the fact that the Kurki is very likely introduced into the Punjab by the soldiers of Alexander the great. Your character could have found an ancient weapon bestowing mystical powers etc The Kurki is as much a tool as it is a weapon useful for digging,chopping wood slicing vegetables

Re: Supermax Prisons in Europe The Isle of Man is a local tax haven and the preserve of the rich. It's extremely unlikely that they would build a super prison or any other regional prison there. It would be like building a prison in the middle of Monaco.

Re: Supermax Prisons in Europe http://freespace.virgin.net/line.design/forts/sea_forts.htm These defence forts capable of holding one hundred men could give you a basic idea for a European prison. personally I'd place it in the North atlantic of Scotland as it can get a bit rough out there and would create a wonderful sense of isolation

Re: Jokes I'm not sure if this is true but it sounds stupid enough to be Does the expression, "We've always done it that way" ring any bells? The US standard railroad gauge (distance between the rails) is 4 feet 8.5 inches. That is an exceedingly odd number. Why was that gauge used? Because that's the way they built them in England, and English expatriates built the US Railroads. Why did the English build them like that? Because the first rail lines were built by the same people who built the pre-railroad tramways, and that's the gauge they used. Why did "they" use that gauge then? Because the people who built the tramways used the same jigs and tools that they used for building wagons, which used that wheel spacing. Okay! Why did the wagons have that particular odd wheel spacing? Well, if they tried to use any other spacing, the wagon wheels would break on some of the old, long distance roads in England, because that's the spacing of the wheel ruts. So who built those old rutted roads? Imperial Rome built the first long distance roads in Europe (and England) for their legions. The roads have been used ever since. And the ruts in the roads? Roman war chariots formed the initial ruts, which everyone else had to match for fear of destroying their wagon wheels. Since the chariots were made for Imperial Rome, they were all alike in the matter of wheel spacing. The United States standard railroad gauge of 4 feet, 8.5 inches is derived from the original specifications for an Imperial Roman war chariot. And bureaucracies live forever. So the next time you are handed a specification and wonder what horse's ass came up with it, you may be exactly right, because the Imperial Roman war chariots were made just wide enough to accommodate the back ends of two war horses. Now the twist to the story... There's an interesting extension to the story about railroad gauges and horses' behinds. When we see a Space Shuttle sitting on its launch pad, there are two big booster rockets attached to the sides of the main fuel tank. These are solid rocket boosters, or SRBs. The SRBs are made by Thiokolat their factory at Utah. The engineers who designed the SRBs might have preferred to make them a bit fatter, but the SRBs had to be shipped by train from the factory to the launch site. The railroad line from the factory happens to run through a tunnel in the mountains. The SRBs had to fit through that tunnel. The tunnel is slightly wider than the railroad track, and the railroad track is about as wide as two horses' behinds. So, a major Space Shuttle design feature of what is arguably the world's most advanced transportation system was determined over two thousand years ago by the width of a horse's ass.

Re: Hitler and the Himalayas The SS Mission to Tibet 1938-39

Re: Need some Scandinavian Villains ! http://www.morion.com/morion/wood/english/FRAME_english.html Swedish folklore a good source for a villian could be the Norwegian Draug a sort of sea zombie caused by somebody dying at sea and they go on to prey on boats and coastal areas

Re: Need some Scandinavian Villains ! http://www.internationalhero.co.uk/f/finland.htm'>http://www.internationalhero.co.uk/f/finland.htm http://www.internationalhero.co.uk/s/sweden.htm'>http://www.internationalhero.co.uk/s/sweden.htm http://www.internationalhero.co.uk You could try these the first two provide links for comic characters from sweden and finland