Roter Baron

Bazza gained weight over the weekend and now IS A COUNTRY! With a brand-new anthem,too: "Holy Bazzania, thy thighs are round as thy behind is wide and streches from sea to shining sea! Oh, how we love thee, Bazzania, Mother of Ham and Father of Beer Where the syrup runs high and we feel only fear When you go to all-you-can-eat and we stand near to thee!" There is no president in Bazzania, only a Mighty Big 'un.

I'll cry with you, brother! Let's cry together bitter tears of ... well, let's just cry bitterly!

Says the man who was almost nibbled to death by one of the rodents! Yes, so much for "Great White Hunter of Hyde Park" - welcome "Running and screaming and hiding in park"!

"Cannibal Women in the Avocado Jungle of Death" is a fun parody on the Indy-Films. "Firewalker" with Chuck Norris is pulp, too. Both are set in the 80s, meaning they aren't set in the usual 30s/40s-period. And hwat about "The Three Amigos" - from what I have heard (I haven't seen the film yet) it is a Western parody set in the 20s. Sounds at least pulpish to me.

Four generations of tribbles - the money lasted for 56 minutes then! BlueCloud2k2 is the composer of "Moon over Bourbon Street". The song earned him good mones but then the trouble started and he fell on hard times: First he had to sell the "street" part, then the "moon" - all he can do now is cling to Bourbon.

It is all L. Marcus' fault: He told me chicks would dig guys with hooks instead of hands. Boy, was that a lie! And he is the biggest seller of hand-hooks and peg-legs North of Kopenhagen. And stop spamming me - I am certainly NOT falling for the "Chicks dig guys with peg-legs instead of real legs"-crap .... again.

BlueCloud2k2 armwrestled King Kong and Godzilla at the same time and won! While he was doing that he beat Mothra at chess. While first competition earned him the recognition as a super-macho man in the International Ultra League of Monster Arm-Wrestling He-Men, his winning at chess against a giant moth and boasting about it gave him a reputation as an über-douche amongst the Chessplayers International Union of Frankensteiners and other Monsters Inc.

BlueCloud2k2 is human-trafficking and white-slaving Glow-in-the-Dark-Aussies to China and Singapore. The Chinese billionaires there love 'em and they are all the rage at after dark garden parties. And don't they look adoreable!

So are all my books in my home library. And the text-books we use at school (usually made out of unruly pupils - as the saying goes: "Once you disturb you a warned. Twice you disturb and you are scorned. And if you do it thrice, we wring your neck and bind a book nice'." So: What's the big deal?

L. Marcus is a Master of Terraforming - with his fists: He grabs a planet, holds it in a real tight headlock with one arm and rubs its polar-region so long till the planet yells "Uncle!" and produces an atmosphere, sandy beaches with nice surfs and warm summer evenings. Sometimes the planets even provide the beer and babes for beach parties like in the Baccardi-commercials.

Bazza is a Half-hydra. His mother was a Hydra, his father a card-holding member of the National Party and a Cyclops, an immigrant from Greece - his hydra-mother is Aborigine from the Northern Territory. Thus Bazzas real and full name is Byron Windradyne Bazzadoupoulos. The good thing about being a hydra-cyclops-hybrid is that while Bazza has only one eye in his head (and thus lacking depth vision) he can make up for it because he has nine heads!

L. Marcus conducts his ritual sacrifices with a Swedish howitzer. Fun for him and quite a spectacle, but it is really annoying for the neighbours because he insists on staging the rituals during the week at midnight when normal people want to sleep because they have to get up and work the next day. And the Finnish government keeps complaining about the rain of body parts in Helsinki. Why can't he drown his thralls like decent, neighbourly people do?

It wasn't tkdguy on a surfboard - it was tkdguy on a surfboard with his pants down! He stopped the alien invasion of 1938 the same way. Death Tribble falsifies history by leaving out the embarassing and juicy parts.

Who cloned Dolly the Sheep? DT knows the answer.

You have a deadly silent butt?

Death Tribble used to be Idi Amin's consul in the UK. He quit when Idi commanded the consulate staff to wear kilts - and nothing else! Death Tribble found this an intolerable act of discrimination against believers in the Porno Church of Butt-Nakedness and left as God created him.

I am kinda lucky - when it comes to career related things (lottery is not for me). I usually get nice jobs, sometimes even without asking, in one instance even while basically rejecting it! But then I am a guy who worries a lot beforehand so coming out on top is easy when you contrast it to the anticipated catastrophe that wasn't likely to happen in the first place. BTW: That is a good way to come out ahead - naive optimism, "can-doerism" and chalking failures and bad luck up as "experiences" that "make you grow" because you "learn" from them is irrational, will make you depressive (I have experiences while other people have successes) and will give you a brain-tumor the size of a lemon - which isn't so bad because that is an experience that makes you cherish the (meager) rest of your life more which you can use to make tumorlade ... But I have quite a high Presence Attack - even adults are sometimes startled when I am telling unruly pupils off. But that is probably a mixture of Perk: Head of Department Year 7/8 ( school principal), Reputation: Don't f**k with him 11- (I am new in my school; used to be 14-) and appropiate setting (my office/ school) - so that alone plus PS: Teacher/ Principal should give me a +3D6 at least. But I also had to practice it against a bunch of drunken Russian and Jugoslavian youths who insulted a friends' wife. Was a tough one and I almost got the crap beated out of me but in the end everybody was calm and they apologized and headed their way. In game terms that was: -1D6 at a disadvantage (outnumbered 3 to 1 at least and the other guys on my side were 55 to 65, so no help really) -1D6 Presence attack againts existing mood (their mood was "Fuck you" and they were under the influence of alcohol +1D6 I probably made my appropiate Interaction Skill Roll (Oratory or PS: Teacher (they were 15 to 19) Let's say they had a PRE/ EGO of 10 and I was at -1D6 and I still got Target's PRE+10 (may comply with order "Apologize and behave!"). And I am usually the guy who is "naturally" picked when it comes to presenting things in front of an audience - which is a piece of cake for me. I am NOT a slaesperson but I can give a speech in front of a TV-camera or address a crowd at the drop of the proverbial hat. So I guess my PRE is at least 15, maybe 18-20 gamewise.

After the Norman Invasion of Britain Death Tribble made Hastings Pudding out of King Harold Godwinsons's brain! Some said it was bad manners and rather tasteless - but that was because they didn't try it with hot curry sauce - D E L I C I O U S !

Last time BC crashed my couch! And I told him selveral times: NO JUMPING! But did he listen? - Yes. And jumped and jumped and jumped anyway! Now the thing looks like a heap of firewood.

Blue Cloud2k2 was as a heavy weight boxing champion in his younger days. He was known as RedWhite'NBlue Kid cuz he is very patriotic. Later he changed that to BeatchaBlack'N Blue Claude cuz that was he did to his opponents and to honor his French grandpa who fought in the French Resistance (as Europe's only Bare-Knuckle Savate Nazi-Ass-Kicking Partisan). At the end of his career he shortened it to Blue Claude to make it more printable on the billborads. BlueCloud2k2 is the current version. It should still be just Blue Claude but that is what you get when you drop out of high-school for heavy-weight boxing and you fired your manager to check for spelling. And no, it is not a "boxing related disability" as he wants people to believe - he always sucked at spelling!

Blue Cloud knows that the same difference is usually good enough. From what or for what - he doesn't tell.

Yes, I got it! Since I was in the German-speaking part of Switzerland that was how I had to do it properly. And I paid for the secret copies and got a receipt (tax-deductable)! Like it should be done. Orderly, with discipline, at office-hours - not this chaotic NSA-spying! L. Marcus still has romantic memories of the anarchic Swedes when they roamed the European countryside, plundered and raided and were generally reavers who put terror in the hearts of foreigners. No, not about the Vikings. I am talking about the Swedish football fans attending the World Cup in Germany 2006! But BlueCloud2k2 beat me to complicate L. Marcus. That wasn't Swede at all!

@ Rebar: That is EXACTLY what I meant. And take heed of Steve's advice: Some thugs who do some violence for some reason always entertain the players! But let the players win. They like that, too.

L. Marcus nome de guerre is "Old Wino". Beats "Beer Bottle Bert", "Whiskey Dick" and "Anton Aquavit" I guess. His catch-phrase is: "Myaaah name is Ole Winooo .... (phhh) ... and I don't care if you stirr it or shake it - gimme some, man, cuz am about TO GETTA SHAKES, MAN!" Yep, the Försvarets radioanstalt surely hasn't the class of MI6. But then their Double Nil Nothing Agents don't run a tap like Bond and his ilk.

All adventures are basically dungeons: You go from scene to scene (or room to room) and there is some action. Clues (doors) lead to the next scene (room). Sometimes you find clues that lead into cul-de-sacs. Sometimes you you find a shortcut (secret door) and so you don't have to do one scene (fight the monster) in between. I run a lot of Mutant City Blues adventures - basically Superhero Cops in a world where 1% of the population has superpowers - and I draw a map for each adventure - a flowchart. That helps greatly. So you can decide which clues the players need to get the adventure rolling further. And I also skip through scenes that are not important for the adventure. Example: Let's say the adventures surprise a smugglers' ring in a warehouse. This was supposed to be a warm-up for the adventure (start with action!) and to get them into contact with Policeman Jones who is supposed to be in the vicinity, hear the ruckus and arrest the beaten smugglers. He is then so impressed with the heroes' conduct that tells them about an observation that me made walking the beat lately (the hook for the adventure "Ghouls in the Sewer"). But then you have just for the heck thrown in that one of the smugglers looked Asian. And even before Policemna Jones can enter the scene our heroic investigators have wrongfully deducted that there must be something foul in Chinatown! And off they go! So now what? Do you really have an adventure ready pitting our heroes against the foul plans of The Jade Mandarin, Secret Ruler of Chinatown? Well, if you do - save the Ghouls for later! Well, if your answer is no, skip and tell the players: "After three days and nights in the dark and brooding alley of Chinatown you come home, tired and without a hot trail to pursue. Suddenly there is a knock at the door!" - ENTER - no, not the Dragon - Policeman Jones who was so impressed with the heroes that he found out where they live/ have their office/ hang out after their exploits. Might be more difficult if they have a Secret ID or a hidden base. Well, then use the damn Batsign (that's what it is for!) or maybe Cop Jones put a contact ad in the newspaper. Trust me - players want to play the adventure, not run around looking for clues that you haven't ready.