mikeward2534

Quotes from Owlcon, part 2
 
Champions 3rd Edition "School Holiday"
 
Some supervillains and mercenaries took over a local junior high school. Strike Force was called in to rescue the students and faculty.
 
GM: Theron
 
Strike Force roster
Phosphene: teleporting martial artist
Lightrune: flying brick, can manifest an energy sword
Plasma Ranger: energy projector
Shadow Walker: ninja
La Panthere: enhanced human martial artist
Sammael: shapeshifter with 4 distinct forms (monkey, hawk, gorilla, allosaurus), uses a neural whip
 
While players were picking their characters...
Player: So, Night Walker is kind of like a ninja?
GM: No. He's exactly like a ninja.
 
Plasma Ranger jammed the mercenaries' radios.
Phosphene: "They're playing your song."
 
Sammael: (switching to gorilla form) "I'm a gorilla with boobies."
Phosphene: "I need to scrub my brain with bleach."
 
Strike Force quickly dispatched the mercenaries guarding the larger group of students and teachers. A smaller group of students and teachers was being held in the basement cafeteria by the supervillains and more mercenaries.
 
Supervillain roster
Denier: demon, leader
Briareus: 4-armed brick, unintelligent construct
Flare: fire projector
Sliver: martial artist, also used flechettes
Scanner: mentalist
 
As Phosphene teleported the members of Strike Force into the cafeteria's kitchen, the supervillains began to suspect that something was going wrong.
Flare: "Sliver, Briareus: go check out the gym. There's a problem upstairs."
Lightrune: (yelling from the kitchen) "No there's not."
 
Denier: "Impudent mortals! You will pay for this!"
Plasma Ranger: "Do you take credit?"
 
Sammael, back in gorilla form, slashed Denier with her whip. Then she turned to the mercenaries and made an exceedingly lewd gesture.
Sammael: "Who else wants a piece of this?"
Phosphene: "I need to scrub my brain with bleach ... again."
 
Lightrune slammed his fist down onto Sliver, knocking her out and cratering the floor beneath her.
Phosphene: "You knocked her into the sub-basement."
Night Walker: "There is no sub-basement."
Phosphene: "There is now."
 
 
Night Walker's player had forgotten to take his ADHD meds ... and talked non-stop.
Sammael (ooc): "You're the noisiest ninja I've ever met."

The shadowrunners were an ork/troll group. Against stereotype, they specialized in stealth, subtlety, bluff, illusion, deception and misdirection.
 
Dent: ork, rat shaman
No-Step: ork, snake shaman, healer
Byte Force: ork, decker, chemist
Eye Spy: ork, rigger, drones, paramedic
Audacity Jane: ork, combat, stealth, security systems
Happy Jack: troll, combat, disguise, negotiator
Mr. Johnson (NPC): generic name used by/for secretive employers who hire shadowrunners
Euphoria / Amanda Lockhart (NPC): an A-list simsense star
simsense: a virtual reality entertainment where the viewer experiences the sensations the actor/actress experiences
 
Euphoria, part 1 - So you want to abduct a simsense star
This was the same module previously described by Drhoz (here).
 
An ork/troll team does not have the benefit of Inkubus' libido to distract a simsense star. Fortunately, they found other options.
 
Mr. Johnson requested a meeting at night, at a little used part of the docks. Happy Jack went to the meeting wearing coveralls, a hard hat and a safety vest. He was met by a too-slick Mr. Johnson, a corporate bodyguard/driver in a cheap kevlar-lined suit, and a leather-clad street samurai.
 
Mr. Johnson: (to Happy Jack) "You're not what I was expecting."
Happy Jack: "You're hiring us, in part, for our ability to blend in. Of the four of us, I'm absolutely certain that I'm the only one who looks like I belong here."
 
Euphoria had been hired to make several appearances to promote Amber Gel for Strice Foods. Mr. Johnson wanted the team to ensure that she missed all of her scheduled appearances.
 
Mr. Johnson: "As part of the deal, no harm comes to the lady. Treat her like royalty. You get half your pay after you abduct her. You get the other half after she misses her final appearance."
Happy Jack: "Just to be clear, you are going to deliver the first half of the money before her first scheduled appearance."
Mr. Johnson: "I suppose that could be arranged."
Happy Jack: "If we don't receive the first half of the money by then, we will arrange for Euphoria to arrive at her first public appearance on time."
 
Mr. Johnson wanted the team to hold Euphoria at an apartment that he was providing.
 
Mr. Johnson: "As I said before, treat her like royalty. Here is a keycard to an apartment in the Barrens. Your first half of the pay will be delivered to you at the apartment."
Happy Jack: "What kind of intrusion countermeasures are there on the apartment?"
Mr. Johnson: "Um ... I'm not sure...."
Happy Jack: (raising an eyebrow) "What rating are the magickal wards on the apartment?"
Mr. Johnson: "I ... uh ... I don't believe there are any."
Happy Jack: "What kind of countermeasures are there to block implanted tracking devices?"
Mr. Johnson: "What? I'm not sure what you're talking about."
Happy Jack: "We'll be holding Euphoria at a location of our choosing. A secure location."
Mr. Johnson: "Okay. But your pay will be delivered to the apartment."
 
The team had been instructed to treat Euphoria "like royalty," but they weren't certain what Mr. Johnson expected. So they visited the apartment in the Barrens to see what level of luxury Mr. Johnson had been planning to provide.
 
Audacity Jane: "The security on this complex is pathetic. Aside from the card key at the apartment door, the only other security was the sleeping guard in the lobby ... and I'm not sure what's going to kill him first: heart failure or old age."
Dent opened the door to the apartment, then abruptly stopped.
Dent: "Brace yourself. I know you make fun of my housekeeping, but this place is bad by my standards."
No-Step: "I didn't think that was possible. Particularly because you don't have housekeeping standards."
No-Step entered the apartment.
No-Step: "I guess I was wrong. Compared to this, even you have standards."
Dent: (looking through the kitchen) "They supplied us with food. All of it seems to be produced by Ludivenko Foods, one of Strice Foods' competitors. Do you think our employers were incompetent enough to leave a clue to their identity, or do you think this is a clever bit of misdirection?"
Eye Spy: (looking through the closet) "They also provided some women's clothing." (looking at the tags) "And it's for an average-sized woman. Who in the hell thinks a simsense star is 'average-sized'?"
No-Step: "I think we can rule out clever misdirection."
Byte Force began hiding a couple wireless microcams at the apartment.
Dent: "Are you planning to record the mating habits of cockroaches?"
Byte Force: "No. I want to see who backtracks our employers to this trap."
 
The team had about 30 hours before Euphoria's first public appearance. As usual, the decker proved an invaluable information-gathering resource.
 
Byte Force: "Euphoria has a personal bodyguard who lives with her full-time. It looks like they recently picked up a second personal bodyguard who also stays on the premises. For the next few days she also has temporary security. Rotating shifts of Knight Errant guards, four guards per shift." (pausing dramatically) "But there's good news. The first shift of Knight Errant guards doesn't start until this evening."
Happy Jack: "So we try to get her before the shift starts. Is there anybody on staff that No-Step and I can impersonate?"
Byte Force: "The building has a rather small staff. They probably know each other well."
Audacity Jane: "We have to assume her personal guard is professional. He should know the building staff too."
Happy Jack: "Are her personal bodyguards hired through Knight Errant?"
Byte Force: "They appear to be independent."
Happy Jack: "So they probably don't know the Knight Errant guards. We capture the first shift of guards before they get to the apartment, then impersonate them."
Audacity Jane: "I like it. Guards don't expect to be targeted when they're not working."
 
Things went according to plan until the team entered the apartment. The second personal bodyguard, who turned out to be a hermetic mage, noticed that there was a lot of magick for four supposedly "mundane" bodyguards. Fortunately, Audacity Jane borrowed a rule from the Han Solo guide to tactics ... she shot first.
 
Removing Euphoria from the premises was even simpler. We put her in a padded box and sent her out with a "courier" (Eye Spy).
 
Happy Jack: (calling the building's concierge) "We have a box in the foyer of Ms. Euphoria's penthouse. A courier will be coming to pick it up shortly."
Concierge: "Where is Mr. Adams? Usually he calls this kind of request in."
Happy Jack: (rolling his eyes) "He's busy pacifying her royal highness. I hope he gets hazard pay for dealing with her."
Concierge: "He does. We don't."
 
After that, the team just killed time until the next shift arrived. They were dropped in the penthouse foyer, largely through the use of neurostun gas grenades which were hidden in the houseplants.
 
No-Step: "I'm never going to trust a ficus after this."
 
With every potential witness drugged and unconscious, the team was back at the safehouse before anyone realized Euphoria was missing.
 
Of course, then the team needed to treat Euphoria "like royalty" for three days. Some jobs are harder than others....

According to this online conversion tool http://whitehall-paraindustries.com/Hero/Conversions/Firearms/rw_conversion.htm (which is pretty well written in my opinion) the .577 Tyrannosaur would do 3d6+1K with 1 point of Piercing and a +4 Stun Multiplier.

It makes me wonder what religious schools are like in fantasy worlds. Do most clerical aspirants not take an elective in Undead Lore?

Happened a while ago, but...
 
Thor Clone winds up with his trusty mystic mace and brings the doomhammer down upon the villianous flying brick's head. First time we'd ever encountered these people, and as a consequence the TC didn't know exactly what his opponent (Taurus, one of 12 based off the houses of astrology) could do. *Wham!!*
 
TC: *rolls dice* "Okay, 16 Body, 52 STUN, and ..." *rolls 1d6 for Flying Knockback* "... 14 inches of Knockback."
GM: "He doesn't go anywhere. In fact, he only bobbles a little in the air, then sort of growls at you."
TC: *eyes widen, then pantomimes whipping out a comb, fixing the guy's hair, then grabbing the mace and waggling it* "Let me try that again..."

We were playing a modern-day horror game. One of the players had a disadvantage of "Doesn't Believe in the Supernatural".
 
We had tracked a vampire to his lair. He was going around, taking us out, one at a time. He comes to this particular character, who dumps a whole clip from a MAC-10 into the vampire.
 
The vampire picks himself up, dusts himself off and says "I am NOT amused!"
 
The merc looks at the vampire. Looks at his trusty MAC-10 and then back at the vampire and says in a very whiny, almost crying voice, "Neither am I."

The quote that my last PC, The Templar, will NEVER live down (nor will I, for that matter) occured when we were infiltrating the fortress of Tyrannon - our campaign's Galactus. Some of our number had been captured by him and were being held in his dungeons. We snuck in and initiated a systematic check of each cell, looking for our lost friends. The mood the GM created was great. It was so dark and foreboding..very little light, eerie sounds, etc. Well, that's when I looked into one of the cells and saw our friends manacled to the wall, hanging over what seemed to be a bottomless pit. Overjoyed at the sight of my lost comrades, I turned down the hall to the others and shouted, "I Found Them!"
 
GM: "Mwa ha ha ha ha ha ha ha......."
 
A 30d6 fireball later.....
 
We all awoke to find ourselves manacled to the wall, hanging over what seemed to be a bottomless pit....
 
My GM said it's the first time he can remember a player screwing up what he had in mind where the players ended up suffering the consequences. Man. Getting out of that one was a b*tch.
 
This gag actually carried so far as to show up on our team website, which is down currently...if you click on the link to go to The Templar's character page, you hear the sound byte from The Empire Strikes Back, where Zev (I think that was his name..) radios in to Echo Base saying, " I found them, repeat, I found them!"

Super-Dude (picture surfer that is 6ft tall, 3 of which is mohawk) is flying on his mystical surfboard as we are fighting a 2000ft "Killer Robot" The rest of us have been a bit injured but nothing bad.
 
Super-Dude: Ok I think I have enough running room for a move-thru.
GM: Ok you set up your move-thru, is there anything your going to do before you start the manuver?
Super-Dude: yea, I'm jumping off my board so it doesn't get messed up when I punch a hole in this guys chest.
-[side note: Super-Dude's powers came from his board, all of them]-
--Moment of silence--
GM: Are you sure?
Super-Dude: yep. cowabunga!!!
 
We all laughed VERY hard when Nate(Super-Dude) figured out that he was in trouble. He didn't really do a move-thru... well, not exactly.
 
Flowers were sent to the hospital.

Sooooo didn't need that image in my head.
I love this message!
Standard Adventuring Party: One each.

Inkubus: I knew a Runner that managed to black out the entire Seattle Metroplex because he went "Oooh, buttons!"
Titus: Never press buttons - never press any buttons! It never ends well

Having somehow, in a feat of inductive reasoning that would make Sherlock Holmes say "Oh come on, now you're just taking the piss", that after Renraku kidnapped Greenlight's brother they've been growing clones of him complete with biochip memories, we consider our next move. Rushing into it will be a very bad idea - Renraku is a ruthless corporation, and it's unlikely that they appreciated us dumping their surviving samurai at a capsule hotel with nothing to wear but "I Love Orcs" t-shirts. But we do get to wait like hungry vultures as Titus calculates how much we can get from selling off their gear and cyberwear (selling off their armour and helicopter will have to wait until we can arrange an auction).

Inkubus got banned from choosing the movies for Movie Night.

Inkubus: 'Barbarella' was my high-class choice. After that it was 'Valley of the B-Girls'.

Inkubus: Did you hear? They've redone The Gigolo - as a Sim-sense.

Our latest client is offering a paltry amount to extract somebody. But we can at least listen before turning him down.

Felix: We can amuse ourselves by doing impersonations of him later.

Mr. Johnson: This will be an easy one for you.
Greenlight: ...uh-huh.
Felix: The moment he said 'This an easy one' I doubled how much we're charging him.
Inkubus: Doubled? I tripled.

He offers us 5000 nuyen each.

Inkubus: Why did you wake me up? That won't even by a bottle of my favourite drink!

Titus: It might another case of 'we can do this this afternoon and then go back to the pub'

Inkubus: I spend a lot of money on Cheerios.
GM: Nobody ever calls then the right name - Nurps.
Inkubus: I meant the cheerleading squad - the Seattle Cheerios XD

Inkubus: Never, never EVER let a troll go Cowgirl.
Warhammer: ?
Inkubus: I don't want to talk about it.
Greenlight: You were very brave.
Inkubus: I had to try it at least once.

As it happens the woman - one Shirley Marquee - that we're supposed to extract works for a Nurps factory. We're supposed to approach her in a plaza park, and give the code-phrase 'We're from the Easter Bunny', then hustle her off to the van.

Inkubus: I'm sorry but I can't make the approach. I'm court-ordered from saying things like that.
Felix: Is it a white van with 'Free Candy' written on the side?
Warhammer: Can I wear a bunny suit?

Greenlight drives the white van provided (the rest of us are too paranoid and follow in the Mystery Mobile) and cross the park to meet her on a bridge. But it turns out Shirley Marquee is drugged to the eyeballs. To quote a famous military figure "It's a trap!" It turns out every civilian in the park is a heavily armed plainclothes operative. And two more squads boil out from kiosks and copses and run forward laying down a hailstorm of angry lead.

Felix: This is why we should have launched the surveillance drone!
Titus: Who have we pissed off enough to arrange this?
Inkubus: Renraku, Aztechnology, Alamos 20K, the great dragon Lofwyr...

On the other hand we're so paranoid we were already in the best positions to react to this kind of thing, almost before it happens. And it's always possible the attackers don't actually know exactly who we are, and we are still obliged to TRY and get Shirley out of here.

Inkubus: We still a job to do. Maybe their security just got lucky and intercepted her plans to escape.

But if they ARE prepared to blow up the white van, it's just as well we turned up with the Mystery Machine, and can lay down our own suppressing fire from an unexpected direction. And, of course, one of Inkubus' Maximised Orgy spells can make for a really memorable afternoon. Titus strolls up behind two of the supposed chessplayers who are now drawing SMGs to fire at Greenlight as she leaps off the bridge into the creek.

Greenlight OoC: 'King me!'
Felix: 'Now kiss!' *miming slamming their heads together*
Inkubus: We see your ambush, and raise you another ambush! And our ambushes are better because we never plan them!

Inkubus: Yeah, no. No, yeah. No. Yeah.
Felix: 'Yeah, no. No, yeah. No. Yeah?'
All: Yeah.

In fact, our pre-emptive counter-attack demoralises them so completely they retreat, and we can complete our extraction before the cops turn up to investigate all this gunfire in downtown Seattle.

Greenlight: Hello drugged lady, lets get you out of hear.

Titus: The best escort missions are when you can taze the client and say 'Good. Now get in the bag.'

We make our way to the drop-off, our Watcher spirits reporting nothing amiss.That goes without incident, and we return to the bar for payment. Warhammer goes around the back way, in case THIS is a trap.

Greenlight: No-one will care that you stink of booze if you jump over the bar.

But apparently the Johnson genuinely had no idea the ambush was going to happen. And as the bagman in this deal, he can't tell us who DID know about it.

Mr. Johnson: Sorry about that.
Felix: At least some of the security team enjoyed themselves.
Inkubus: I do try to spread a little joy in the world.

Of course at this point the GM headdesks, because by leaving the white van, and succeeding in the extraction, means we miss two important plot hooks. Inkubus books an evening at Cobalt Marie for himself and Miss Winter, the client from the Dreamchipper case. Of course he has to do it under his own name (and there wont be a table free for weeks, anyway).

Inkubus: Felix knows my real name - I had to put it on the lease - but I've told him if he ever tells anybody I'll hit him an Orgasm spell and mainline caffeine to keep it running all night.

Inkubus wants to learn the spell Shockwave, so he can make people loose control of their bodily functions.

Felix: Brown Note
Greenlight: What was it Soundwave said? 'Large Butts preferred. Lying Impossible.'

But his date won't be for weeks, so he spends the night at the Convenience Store, a nightclub. The bouncer is dressed as a greeter.

Bouncer: Welcome to the Convenience Store. We love you. Welcome to the Convenience Store. We love you. No Shirt? No shoes? No problem.

Inkubus is promptly seduced by a statuesque brunette by the name of Ariel.

Greenlight: The next time somebody is described as statuesque they'd better be be a statue!
Felix: And have no arms.

Greenlight: When you say she's coming on hard...
Inkubus: She's a squirter, apparently.
Warhammer: Clean-up to Aisle Four.

And, of course, she's a trap too. Inkubus wakes up naked, hungover, and drugged in a concrete cell. And the drug he's been given makes it impossible to cast magic and get himself out, even though he knows the spell Detox. And it might be a week before the others even start wondering where he got to.

Inkubus: They really kidnapped the wrong one.
Kidnapper: Why haven't your friends come looking for you yet?
Inkubus: Have you got more of that hallucinogen? It's trippy.
Greenlight OoC: He's tied up and being stuffed to the gills on drugs.
Inkubus OoC: Sounds like my version of a day spa.

His kidnappers unlock the door and cover him with assorted firearms, ordering him to not try anything. He declines to oblige, and manages to cast Hot Potato. All the metal they're holding suddenly feels red hot.

Felix OoC: And do any of them have Prince Alberts?
Greenlight OoC: Everywhere he goes people just tear their clothes off in front of him.

But they still manage to fire some warning shots.

Kidnapper: He can still cast - give him another dose!
Inkubus: Please! This stuff would go gangbusters on the club scene.

The kidnappers threaten to shoot him. Inkubus points out that if they wanted him dead he already would be.

Inkubus: I DO do this for a living, you know.

So they pistol-whip him unconscious instead, and he comes around in the lab of one Doctor What.

Dr What: And how are you today?
Inkubus: A little out of it. And your guards have no sense of humour.

What hooks him up with electrodes.Inkubus tries to pretend he's enjoying it.

Inkubus: I've done this! It's fun!

Inkubus: Please! I've been to BDSM parties more extreme than this.

He's got an ulterior motive. Endophins bond really well to toxins (or rather, block them) so the more pain, the less the hallucinogen is affecting him.

Inkubus: And then I can get a message to Felix - HEEEEEEEEELLLLLPPPPPP.

Felix: Where IS Inkubus? I'd have expected at least an SMS by now. It's Movie Night!
Greenlight: That SOB better be watching Sailor Moon with us.

What starts asking pertaining to that manuscript we stole last year.

Inkubus: Torture is a really stupid way to extract information. And I don't talk to stupid people. Now give me more volts - I wanna see if I can paint the ceiling this time.

He manages to get a Watcher Spirit out to Felix.

Spirit: Message Begins: I'm being tortured and interrogated by an idiot! HELLLLPPP! Message Ends.

Inkubus is being held in a cliff-top bungalow that used to a UCAS listening station.

Inkubus OoC: For some reason they thought Canada was a threat. Go figure.

Happily, Warhammer's government and military contacts have all the details of its construction. And it being cliff-top, it's good excuse to use the boat again. Greenlight swims ashore under cover of darkness and gets to work. Hopefully our lack of an Air Spirit for concealment won't cause us any problems.

Greenlight: I'm going to find Dr What then I'm sticking this shock-baton up his arse.
Felix: What DOES seem quite fond of electric shocks.
Inkubus OoC: I've got plans for What - Orgasm : Permanent.

At least the guards around the building are hilariously ill-prepared for Greenlight's ruthenium fibre cloak and Mad Ninja Skillz.

Inkubus: Oh god. These guys are bargain bin. Low-end mercs out of the African Wars.
Felix: The kind of person who watched too much Mad Max as a child and read Soldier of Fortune.
Inkubus: No, that assumes they had access to television and know how to read.

Greenlight's shock-batons ensure they do the Dance of the Electric Cockroach, and calls in the rest of the team. Our boat roars towards the shore.

Labrat: I don't need to go swimming, I had a bath last week.
Inkubus: This is why I don't go pub-crawling with him more often. I had a girl for breakfast, a girl for lunch, a girl for dinner. So why does he hang out with me? Leftovers.

We storm the building - now we're in the building gunfire won't attract so much attention from the police - which would have arrived promptly given the average income in this part of town. Titus kicks his way into Inkubus' cell. Greenlight corners Dr What, holds out the end of his shock-baton, and uses Commanding Voice.

Greenlight: Here, hold this.
Dr What: *confused, does so, and dances the Dance of the Electric Cockroach*
Greenlight: Thanks

Inkubus is chained to his chair, covered in his own fluids.

Titus: Bubbles, you know Sterilise right? *sigh* well, at least I can get my armour professionally cleaned.

Inkubus grins horribly at our captive torturer.

Inkubus: You and I are going to have a lot of fun together!

Warhammer uses White Phosphorus grenades on the surviving mercs.

Inkubus: And they call ME evil.
Felix: It sends a message to the next group that kidnaps one of us.
Inkubus: Mess with us and we will BURN YOUR SHIT TO THE GROUND.
Greenlight: I like this message.

To our very great relief, the inferno does NOT set the building's armoury on fire. Not least because Inkubus's stuff is in the armoury.

Inkubus: You're carrying hand-held WP grenades AND launched? Do me a favour - next time there's a fire fight, make sure you're on the next continent.

Inkubus OoC: There's the Holy Trinity weapon used by the Sisters of Battle. Combi bolter-melta.
Felix OoC: With strap-on one-shot Flamer.
Warhammer OoC: Unless it explodes on you.
Felix OoC: That's Plasma weapons.
Warhammer OoC: Oh right - meltas are the safe ones.
All: For a certain value of 'safe'

Felix OoC: And the GM wanders off to try and salvage the adventure again.
Warhammer OoC: He does that a lot.

We loot the armoury and depart (weighed down under the sheer weight of stuff and duffle-bags of more stuff). Only to find Inkubus' seducer waiting on the prow of our boat. And she's a fearsomely powerful Free Air Spirit. But Warhammer has a fearsomely powerful gun and the battle appears to over in less than a second, and one shot.

GM: Deskflip.
Warhammer: Actually her vanishing like that scares me more than a drawn out fight.

He's right to be concerned. There is nothing to stop such a powerful spirit returning from the elemental planes seeking revenge.

Inkubus: There's only one way to deal with this.
Greenlight: Toga Party.

We're going to have to go into the Elemental Plane of Air to find her True Name, then summon her, and bind her, to stop her coming after us. And if Inkubus uses the Life Pact, he can swear to never command her, and she can never be Bound by anybody else, and he'll never age. Everybody wins! Assuming we survive the Plane of Air and can actually bind her.

Warhammer OoC: This was a good game - it had everything in it.
Felix: Something for all of us to do, a set-up for next session...
Warhammer: And we screwed over the GM repeatedly.

GM: Everyone gets a 'Derail the Adventure' Karma point.
 

We're all three dice away from an 18, my friend.

That image search also turned up this work of art:
 

Confidence is what I do not feel when I see that picture.

Me: A Gelatinous Cube is an amusing monster - unless Ian is GMing, in which case it's a Total Party Kill.

This got us onto the topic of deathtrap dungeon design - and yes, Ian and his Gelatinous Cube with a glowing sword it ate earlier was referenced - including dungeons that seem minor enough to attract lesser adventurers, but are in fact designed to harvest their loot. The nearest village, of course, gets a fifty-fifty split.

Greenlight's player: The problem with that plan is that adventurers have families. Oh wait, no they don't. They spontaneously generate.

The next hour is spent talking about My Little Pony, and interesting examples of the Human in Equestria genre of fanfic, such as the one recently written by Greenlight's player, featuring a English knight from the period of the War of the Roses, and which has already attracted enough attention to reach the top of the front page of FiMfiction.

GM: Anyway, let's begin.
Greenlight's player: Yes, let us begin and stop alienating my brother.

Anyway - Mr B of the Orc Underground wants us to go back into that Aztechnology research park to rescue the geneticist responsible for the mutagenic virus. As it turns out, this isn't quite true, but since we're pretending to be virtuous Shadowrunners this week we agree to do so. This, on top of the initial 'finders fee', advance on the job, and looted Alamos20K funds, means we've already been paid four times for one job. If we rescue our Johnson from the NeoNazis, and if Felix's grandfather reacts the way he anticipates, we might end up bring paid 6 times.

Anyway, since we blew up the the sewer as we left last time, we're going to need another way in. One of orcs leads us to the wall behind the Aztech complex's security and communications node. Blow that up, and the complex will be cut off from the outside world.

GM: You're getting a tour of the sewers
Inkubus: I really didn't need to know where lost his virginity

Labrat gets to work. We still have a dose of the wall-softening catalyst, but Labrat is running short of shaped charges that will let us out again. Happily, if he leaves a few small blocks of hi-ex INSIDE the wall as we pass through, on a ten minute fuse, we can destroy the wall with ease.

Inkubus: The chunky salsa rules

Felix nips into the Astral to check for magical security, and sticks his head through the wall - and comes face-to-face with an Aztech security Mage just finishing his own astral patrol.

Felix: I've just done the astral equivalent of climbing over the chain-link fence while the security guard was waiting on the other side.

Inkubus comes to the rescue, after the initial exchange of spell fire and the other Mage rubs back to his body to raise the alarm. He does so by hitting the guy's Focus amulet with a Glue spell, neatly attaching the opponent to his chair in real life. He follows up with a summoned spirit to make sure the alarm isn't raised.

Inkubus: What would a summoned Spirit of Man look like down here, anyway?
Felix: They've been doing unholy experiments on people and making chimeras down here, and he's still glued to the chair, so... *grin*
Security Mage: *looks up at the Frankenstein's Monster that just materialised* F**k.

Happily its orders are merely to restrain the Mage (actually killing employees tends to annoy Megacorporations, who otherwise treat Shadowrunners as an unavoidable part of business life). We blow the security node and enter the facility, chatting about assorted ephemera while we wait for the plasteel wall to liquidise.

Greenlight: So there's Monster High and My Little Pony : Equestria Girls.
GM: They're making a live action movie of that.
Felix: *boggles*
Greenlight: Bullshit!
GM: Monster High, not MLP
Felix: Ah, THAT makes sense. How would they have gotten the ponies to talk, anyway?
Inkubus: They're ordering peanut butter by the tonne.

Inside the complex, they've obviously been slacking off on fire drills and the like. Practically everybody is continuing with their stocktake or card games despite the boom and the emergency lights coming on. Strolling through the complex shock-batoning or gel-bag shotgunning various technicians and security guards is a walk in the park.

Technicians: Why have all the lights gone - ooof! What the? There wasn't a wall here before! *look up at the wall of troll*
Inkubus as Titus: 'Group hug!' *grab*

Felix: Now, who brought the plastic cuffs?
Inkubus: Only the furry ones, and I didn't think they were appropriate.

Felix: This is going to look very bad on their mid-year performance review.

Felix: If my grandfather DOES question me about this I'm going to be very critical of the security in here.
Titus as Felix: '*I* managed to get past it!'
Felix: Twice! In one day!

Some of the doors are closed, and arguments ensue. After all, the woman we're seeking might be in one of them. Should we pick the lock or just kick the door in?

Felix: I've got an idea. *knock knock* No answer? Right then, on to the next room.
Inkubus: *applause* Welcome to the world of using your brain in Shadowrun.

Felix: I fear the main reason no-one has come running in response to the gunfire is because of all the extra sound-proofing on the rooms - to keep the screaming down

Labrat: I shoot the dog
Felix: pew pew pew!
Titus: I'm now picturing an entire team of Shadowrunners that do nothing but make 'Pew pew pew' noises.

One reason it's so easy is that we blast anybody that actually opens the door, and that we've already taken out the biggest danger - the Mage back in the first room, who currently has Frankenstein's Monster sitting on his head.

Inkubus: Yay for circumventing the plot. And we weren't even in a boat this time!

Some of the people in the complex have finally noticed the gunfire and are hiding under computer consoles, etc. We attempt to reassure one terrified young woman that we're not actually killing anybody - merely keeping everybody out of the way while we get on with the job - before stunning her and adding her to the pile.

Greenlight: *to Inkubus!* Get the sexy on!
Inkubus: Please tell me you didn't say that aloud.
Greenlight: No?
Inkubus: Preemptive cockblocking, wow.

Labrat: *to Greenlight* you're up.
Greenlight: What, I've got two X chromosomes and therefore I get to talk to women?
Labrat: No, I'm inviting you over because you've got the stun baton.
Felix: I'm sorry, could you repeat that? I think my brain derailed.


Titus stocks his head into one room, notes the sneering corporate-type, his PA, and a nervous security operative, and closes the door again. These guys apparently noticed all the noise and decided staying put and hoping we'd pass them by was the safer option.

Avatar: Could you tell whoever owned the dog that we're sorry about that? One of us really *really* doesn't like dogs.

Especially heavily cybered Rottweilers.

The last room is the main security centre of the Alpha complex, where a handful of technicians and security guards stand around in the emergency lighting being useless.

Felix: You could always pop out from under a table and taser them in the groin.
Greenlight: That's unsporting. I like it.

Greenlight: Zapping a guy in the junk is very effective
Inkubus: Yes.
Felix: We know.

It turns out our target is in one of the holding cells. There are Orc captives, apparently prepped for experimentation, in the others.

Dr Carol Oates: I won't fall for any of your tricks, Peterhoff!
Inkubus: Do I look like somebody that would work here?

GM: There's two Ork women and three children. They're in hospital smocks. They huddle.
Felix: Right. Can we shoot that Peterhoff guy on the way out?
Inkubus: Labrat!
Labrat: I pop my head in and tell them to come with us.
Inkubus: Except we just called him Labrat. *headwall* Thud. Thud. Thud.

Actually using our names during a run was probably a bad idea, too.

Labrat sets up a large bucket of bleach and other cleaning chemicals, and a proximity detonator, outside the room with that exec - presumably Peterhoff.

Labrat: This guy f**ks with orcs, I f**k with him.

Apparently Peterhoff was planning to scapegoat Owens for the virus release that caused all the giant cockroaches etc earlier. Is there anything else in the complex we should know about?

Dr Carol Owens: Just the bodies of the virus victims.
Felix: That explains why they didn't answer the door then.

Inkubus and Felix go Astral to clean up our forensic fingerprints. Titus carries our bodies off to the first rendezvous point. After all, we can return to them anytime, providing we don't get lost.

Inkubus: That can be embarrassing. Mages - Do you know where your meat is?

We deliver Owens to Mr B, and discover we may well have delivered her to her own execution.

Mr B: Oh, Doctor Owens, I am ashamed.
Inkubus: I am disappoint.

Mr B: I want one good reason why I shouldn't have you shot.
Warhammer: I'll do it for free.
Greenlight: Shut up, Warhammer.

Mr B and Owens knew each other before the former's goblinization, and he's followed her work on the metahuman gene complex. He is not happy, in the least, that she went on to work on creating chimeras, lethal viruses, and experimentation on orcs.

The party convince Mr B that even if she had a choice about the way the way Aztechnology used her research, shooting her in the head and dumping her body in Puget Sound is wasteful, when she could instead be kept under house arrest in the Orc Underground and her knowledge put to good use.

Inkubus: Never, ever, ever get rid of a potential asset. Sure, she done goof, but if you kill her she can't fix it. What are you, stupid?

Inkubus: Not everybody gets a second chance - make the most of it.
Felix: For one thing if Warhammer ever sees you on the street he'll probably shoot you.
Titus: To be fair, that's a danger for everyone Warhammer meets.

Time to deal with the other loose end - the Johnson from Biogene that hired us to steal the data in the first place. The terrorists that hijacked the run are holding him at an Alamos 20K safehouse out in the Barrens. If we rescue him, he may prove grateful, especially after the FBI raid Biogene to arrest his terrorist-sympathiser superiors.

Happily, none of us have any particular qualms against killing NeoNazis - after all, they want to exterminate every nonhuman in the world, and they're just as phobic about magic.

GM: Magic is bad, m'kay?

Happily, their antipathy to magic means they have no defences against Felix and Inkubus scouting out the building Astrally. We even try to give the Johnson the heads-up about the imminent rescue.

Inkubus: Don't worry, we're coming to get you out.
GM: He's unconscious
Felix: Eh, it's the thought that counts.

GM: He's injured.
Warhammer: Oh, that must be painful.
Felix: ?
Labrat: Having your Johnson injured.
Inkubus: What is it with groin injuries and this group tonight?

Felix, Inkubus, Labrat and Warhammer set up to snipe, and Greenlight sneaks right past the guards without being noticed. One even fails to notice strolling past three feet away.

GM: He's too busy watching television - critical glitch XD
Greenlight: Sieg Heil!
Neonazi: *doesn't even look up* Ja, ja, Sieg Heil.
Titus: Probably watching Orc porn
Greenlight: Sounds about right

The rest of the team drop all the terrorists they can see, and Titus charges the building to introduce the survivors to his little friend the five-foot sledgehammer.

Titus: I run across the road. Straight at the wall. Ooh yeah!
Felix: You know, we really need to rename him Kool-Aid.
GM: You crash right through the drywall.
Felix: 60-year-old drywall.
Greenlight: Hulk smash!

GM: He didn't even get to the end of the sentence.
Greenlight: I'm not surprised - his pants were around his ankles.

Felix: So what were his last words before Titus got to him?
Greenlight: 'Protect me mien Fuhrer!'
Labrat: '....troll!'

Titus: To be fair, being responsible for twenty-five deaths isn't that different from your average Shadowrunner.

Greenlight: Add it to the list - hit a Neonazi so hard he explodes.

Greenlight: We exfiltrate, the Johnson over one shoulder.
Felix: Does the house explode behind you for no apparent reason?
Greenlight: Sure, why not.

We're just getting back to our vehicles when two nondescript Ford Americars roar up, and street samurai get out. They aren't reaching for weapons, so we refrain from the obvious response. And then Felix's grandfather, the Aztechnology exec, gets out.

This is going to be an interesting conversation...

The continuing stoooooory of a band of traitors, renegades and cultists who are masquerading as acolytes of the Imperial Inquisition in order to corrupt a loyal order of battle-nuns, and instead found, as Aladar puts it "A nut-house built on an Indian burial ground".

As we players arrive for the game -

Me: They're just bees. They have no interest in you unless you actually molest them.
Cassius's player: And that must be Drhoz. It's not just the volume, it's the content - bees and molesting.

Speculation as to what the Emperor would actually think about the sorry state of the Imperium, if he ever woke up.

The Emperor: I close my eyes for 10 millennia! You've trashed the front room! I told you, no parties!

On the gaming rooms' collection of malfunctioning and naked Furbys.

Cog's player: This is like one of Jrska's dreams.
Cassius's player: I don't want Jrska to find out about Furbys. Especially the one with the realistic tongue.
Cog's player: I want to find a planet with cute furry harmless animals.
Me: No such thing in 40K.

Cassius's player: Now we have two pun swords
Me: Pun swords?
Cassius's player: You make a pun, I hit you with this. It is your punishment.
GM: Should you hit yourself then?
Cassius's player: *does so*
GM: It's a bit pun-y.
Cassius's player: Puny? A Pune, a play on words?
GM: I'm not good with words, ok?
Cog's player: Zombie Shakespeare is rising from the grave...
Me: So he can hit him with the pun sword?
Cog's player: So he can die again.

Aladar's plan to appropriate a trophy from the convent's reliquary room presents major difficulties, including the fact the Sisters of Battle will probably notice if one of their most treasured relics suddenly goes missing. And, of course, how do you smuggle out a giant 40K pauldron anyway? Perhaps by replacing Aladar's codpiece with it?

The Sister assigned to guard our chambers goes off to see if she can find our missing servoskull, but comes back claiming there's no sign of it. Has it been appropriated by the Sisters, and the contents of its memory currently studied? This paranoia may explain our jumpiness that night, although it's possible the raised hackles and little noises in the corridors have a more supernatural cause.

Jrska: I would have quite liked to hear battle-nuns sneaking to each other's cells. It would give me hope for the future.

We insist on speaking to the Celestan after her morning prayers, claiming that the disappearance of the servoskull may be evidence of traitorous activity in the convent, and that we sent the skull searching because the ongoing security outage (that we instigated) would be the moment for any cultists to make their move. Cassius also reveals that he is a telepath, and given the Imperium's distrust of psykers, it's understandable that the Celestan doesn't react well. In fact, she draws her sword. Jrska instantly moves to reinforce the idea that Cassius is some kind of bound, conditioned psychic servitor, and not a traitorous space marine librarian that could make the Celestan's head explode with mind bullets.

Jrska: Take heed. Protocols x345, Zeta 9, Zeiton 11. The Celestan is designated ally - you are not to attack her. Defensive programs only. Acknowledge.
Cassius: *long pause, and bows, and telepathically glowers at Jrska* Don't enjoy this too much.

We insist on letting our 'bound psyker' do a full psychic sweep of the convent. Cog and our pet idiot Aladar will review the psychic defences of the convent. Jrska has her own priorities.

Jrska: Have Sister Bilitis brought to the interrogation room ( may as well achieve my personal goal in case we have to leave in a hurry > )

We have until noon to achieve whatever we want to do, before the security systems come back online.

Jrska: Pity I won't have a camera record of what I'm going to do with Sister Bilitis
Cog: You'll have your memories.
Jrska: Such happy memories.
Cog: Don't salivate too much
Jrska: They can't tell through the mask anyway >
GM: Do you have some sort of sponge in there?

Cog and Aladar manage to convince the Battle-nuns that the hexagrammic wards inscribed around the tower are faulty. And 'helpfully' demonstrate how to inscribe the 'correct' ones.

Cog: What they don't realise is the arrange of hexagrams forms an eight-pointed star in the middle.
Jrska: The Hidden Octed

That they can get away with this is a inditement of the Imperium's record keeping. Sure, they'll record everything. But most of those records are hand-copied, and archives will be indiscriminately purged if even one line ends up sounding heretical.

Cog: In 40K Grammar Nazis have fusion bombs.

GM: You'll be finished about the same time Jrska does.
Jrska: Stamina. Advantage of being female - no refractory period XD


Cassius is taken outside the convent walls to charge up his mind-fu.

Cassius: I don't want to make them any more nervous than I need to.

Jrska: Just nervous enough XD

The sisters assigned to escort him stand well back, and cheerfully offer to blow his head off if it looks like he's losing control. Actually, given some of the side effects of psychic powers, if Cassius really was an Imperial asset, euthanasia really is the merciful option. As it is, he merely corrupts everything for 20 meters around.

Jrska: All the caterpillars nearby go insane.

It's fortunate he didn't induce any of the more spectacular perils, such as rains of blood, or gravity inversion.

Cog: 'Wadd'ya know - a flying nun.'

A brief digression into why humanity is hopelessly devoted to Slaanesh, using banana-derived alcohol as evidence.

Cassius OoC: We're humans. If we can ferment it, we'll drink it.
Cog: Although possibly only the once.
Jrska: Ferment it and they will come.

Jrska continues her efforts to corrupt the cuter nuns.

Cassius: The convent's confessor - that's who you want to corrupt.
Cog: That'd be quite the confession.
Cassius: 'Forgive me sister, I have sinned. In fact I'm sinning right now.'
Jrska: You might want to compose yourself - we'll be here some time.
Cog: 'I brought a whiteboard '
Jrska: And a PowerPoint presentation.
Cassius: Although Jrska thinks PowerPoint presentations involve a strap-on.
Cog: And actual power points

Jrska: I suspect the main reason daemons have a problem with faith is that daemons exist by altering reality on a whim, and faith involves denying it.

Cassius is discovering interesting things - little trickles of psychic energy flowing up through the convent towards the reliquary. And other interesting things about the convent.

Escort: That area is sealed. We had a unfortunate faith incident.
Cassius: I tug on the handle.
Jrska : Testing that it is actually sealed

Aladar: When are you meeting with us?
Jrska: After I've given Sister Bilitis so many orgasms she passes out.
GM: Actually you haven't done that quite yet.
Jrska: Bringing her around. Expanding her horizons - and other things.

Eventually they end up in the reliquary chapel - where the missing servoskull is hovering in front of the dead saint's armour, and Cassius can detect the presence of something probing and altering the minds of the sisters as they enter and leave. He can also read the inscription around the armour's neck.

GM: Here Lies St. Recluse, May Her Faith Forgive Her Psychic Curse
Jrska: Called it.

Cassius plans to have a servoskull purposed to burrow through the psychic-active plateau beneath the convent, carving out Chaotic runes in the rock around the convent, to encourage and corrupt whatever entity he has discovered.

Cassius: This way if I get killed my dying words can still be "And I will still have my revenge." And the hero will dismiss it as the blustering of Chaos, and the Inquisition will go "oh, fuck".

That the skull was here, but our escort never found it, is odd, since according to the thing's log, it's been hovering here the whole time, while something rifled through its memory. It appears the escort was made to forget she saw it here.

Aladar: What happens in the reliquary stays in the reliquary.

GM: Your communicator buzzes
Jrska: I got a use for that

Aladar: Why does your servo-skull have so much porn on it?
Jrska: It's called life-blogging.
Cog: ... dear lord.

Jrska interrogates the escort, to confirm that her memory was altered, and to ask what her recurring nightmares are about. Hers are about a power failure trapping her in her power armour.

Jrska: Gee, I wonder where she's getting THAT idea from XD
Cassius: Faith can bind more securely than any witchery
Jrska: It's looking more and more like it's the psyker's spirit bound to the armour that's the problem. Well, their problem. Our opportunity.

Cassius and Cog team up to investigate the limits of the dead saint's power. And to talk it around to their point of view - perhaps easier than it sounds, since it's been feeding on the resentment and madness of the inmates for decades, and is almost ready to lash out anyway.

Cassius: There's something mechanical going on with me, and something mechanical going on with you.
Jrska: And sometimes something mechanical going on with me, but it generally involved Sybians.
Cassius: And lots of lube.
Cog: *facepalm*

Cassius: I'm making the Sign of the Aquila but I'm focusing on these two fingers.

Cassius decides the best way to test the spirit's telepathic editing abilities is to 'discover' Aladar's desecration of a minor relic, and see if the Celestan promptly forgets about it.

Jrska: Time to call in the expert - and I know all about how to deal with sin and corruption. Usually it involves lots of lube and pauses for refreshment.
Cassius: Sports drinks. Lots of sports drinks.

Jrska follows the mortified nun up the stairs to the the chapel, while Cassius amuses himself by plodding along ahead, filling the corridor with his hulking size.

The Celestan: How can this be? How could such evil have been hidden right beneath our gaze?
Jrska: The enemy is perfidious - it could be right behind you the whole time, ready to stab you in the back.

The Celestan is also desperate that word of the discovery doesn't reach the outside world.

The Celestan: We have many enemies
Jrska: *pats her sympathetically on the shoulder* I know, I know.

The Celestan wants to talk to us privately, after she takes the desecrated sword off to be re consecrated, and we go over the chapel with a fine tooth comb, to give it a 'clean bill of health'. She promises us interesting details of the convent's history.

This will give Cassius and Cog a chance to replace the sacred pauldron with one of Aladar's own, suitably altered. And by doing this themselves, they'll steal a little bit of Aladar's Infamy.

Jrska OoC: Like that neural whip you got me - 'I've got something for you, Jrska' and my ears pricked up and I said 'How do you want me, lord?'

Happily, Aladar's player is OK with being the party's butt-monkey.

Jrska: Although I am a bit irritated with how jaded Aladar has become. He's not even any fun in bed any more. He's the human equivalent of a yeast infection.

DNA DOA Pt 2 : The Run : Break into a high-security Aztechnology research park, steal all the data on a particular project, and deliver it to our client who is presumably from a rival biotech company. Complications - somebody is blackmailing Greenlight into handing the info to them, or they'll kill his brother. And Felix used to work for Aztech, and half his family still do, and he still has some loyalty to the brand. But at we know that some of the third party's claims about bugs on his person are bogus, which is a relief to Greenlight, and Felix can always email his grandfather after they have the data.

Felix: 'Dear Grandfather - if you know anybody involved in Project X, tell them to abandon ship now.'
Inkubus: 'A little bird tells me it's just been torpedoed'

Plus, Felix doesn't believe the rumours about Aztech anyway.

Inkubus: Half of Aztechnology feeds the world, the other half is ... Demon-spawn Incorporated.
Felix: That's just propaganda by other megacorps.
Inkubus: .... This is why you need to stick with me.

The client provided us with a map of the Tacoma sewers, and a catalyst to soften the plascrete walls of the Aztech lab. Aztech's formidable security is still a worry.

Titus: It's Aztechnology, they'll have some sort of poison gas to pump in after us.
Felix: It's the sewers, they don't have to ADD gas.

Inkubus: The sewers are the one place in Seattle you don't behave to worry about devil-rats!
Labrat: The demon-rats eat them.

Demon-rats notwithstanding, the sewers do have inhabitants. Three sleeping orcs that Warhammer stuns, just in case, and a team of apparent Shadowrunners, who are lost, and that we avoid.

GM: They're hiding from the cops.
Greenlight: They're hiding from a group of trees?
Inkubus OoC: .... I want to rearrange the table. Drhoz up here, punsters down there.

Breaking in through the wall proves relatively simple, although at Felix's suggestion Labrat sets explosives to collapse the sewer after we leave. The ventilation shaft on the other side is cramped - especially for Titus - but a bigger concern is the torn out gratings, flashing emergency lights, and blood trails. The cells next to the lab, and mutilated bodies, don't bode well.

Felix: I think I've seen this movie
Greenlight: Well, none of us are black, so we can't be killed.

Apparently some airborne agent has been released.

Felix: So, who's glad I insisted on portable air supply?
Greenlight: Um.
Titus: I brought mine.

But that doesn't explain the state of the bodies, or the THINGS scurrying around the premises.

Labrat: There are lots of things that have claws. Rats, cats, dogs....
Felix: Deinocheirus
Labrat: Exactly

Felix: Was there provision for extra danger money in this contract?

Felix photographs everything - he is rather upset.

Felix: I think I'll be sending a strongly worded email to my grandfather. It doesn't do the company's reputation any good when they actually ARE doing stuff like this!

Felix: Somebody remind me why we're doing this job?
Inkubus: We're being paid.

Something is eating, noisily, in one of the side rooms. We unhook assorted incendiary, concussion, and frag grenades, toss them through the door, and slam it.

Felix: There's no kill like overkill.

Unfortunately, whatever was in there is annoyed, not dead, and comes out to complain.

GM: It's a flaming troll
Labrat: Its dress is FABulous
Felix: Well, it DOES look like the dress from Hunger Games.

Labrat: I know what it is and I'm panicking
Felix: YOU'RE panicking?! We threw four grenades at it and it's mildly pissed off!!!

Happily massed firepower does take it down, although it was just as well we added a few more white phosphorus grenades and Titus introduced its skull to his sledgehammer, since it was getting up again. That probably explains the Aztech security team we find barricaded into one if the offices. We claim to be Aztech security sent to back them up, and warn them to stay put until the decontamination teams arrive.

Felix: What I want to know is why the rest of Aztech security hasn't turned up to reinforce these poor fuckers
Labrat: They're currently chasing something worse.
Inkubus: This is a good thing and a bad thing.... I mean, I'm sure they'll catch it.

The dead thing appears to be a mutated, knobbly troll, with grotesquely long and muscular arms.

Greenlight: Evidently it skipped Leg Day

Labrat sucks the data from the computers, and carefully sets thermite and high-ex in the vault to destroy the rest of their research and bio-weapons. Apparently Aztech have been making sentient lions, tigers, and bears. Oh my. And whatever did THAT to the troll, cockroaches, and nematodes, is not something we want to exist, anyway.

We blow our way back out through the re-hardened wall with a shaped charge - that way we can save the other dose of the softening catalyst for another time. We're sure it will prove useful. And then off to the frieghter for the hand-off, wondering when whoever blackmailed Greenlight will show up, and musing about the cover of Shadowrun 2050, where a dwarf is breaking a cyber deck over the head of a security operative - very stupid, given the ridiculous expense of 2050 cyber decks.

Labrat: That's because we don't see what happens next - the dwarf screaming "what did I just do?!?!?"
Titus: There is the chance that it's not the Dwarf's cyber deck.
Greenlight: It's the elf that's jacked into something.
Inkubus: *wince* in that case, once he gets over the dump shock, the elf will kill the dwarf

We arrive at the docks - being paranoid, Felix checks the astral landscape before we proceed, and discovers there are at least 12 people waiting, instead of one. Also, they've apparently chosen the locale because of its proximity to the warehouses where thousands of orcs and trolls were burned alive during the Night of Rage some years ago. Felix and Warhammer climb to a roof where they can snipe from, just in case, although the storm and rain aren't helping visibility. Labrat tells everybody to head to Dock 90 if shit goes down, for some reason. We soon discover that the client's operative has been replaced with the asshole holding Greenlight's brother. We play it cool, even after ten armed men come out of hiding, and even after we notice most of them are wearing Alamos 20K armbands. These are the genocidal terrorist group that claimed responsibility for the Night of Rage atrocity, and many other murderous attacks.

Greenlight demands they bring his brother out, which they do, keeping a gun to his head. Greenlight hands over a corrupt data chip, and the terrorist - apparently rather startled it's all going so smoothly - says he's going to go check. Labrat warns them to not try anything, and holds up the insurance he had in his pocket - a bundle of extremely hi-ex and a detonator.

Labrat: I have a C12 grenade.
Warhammer: I want one.

This is when the entire deck is lit with spotlights, a dozen Aztech security choppers descend from the sheets of rain, Aztech combat vehicles roar down from the gates, and a loudspeaker bellows at to all remain where we are. We had, unfortunately, neglected the possibility of magical pursuit. At least we'd all been wearing generic environment gear, and didn't use any magic, while we were inside Aztech - with any luck Aztech will assume it was all Alamos 20k.

The Alamos 20K gawp, Greenlight yells "Go!", Felix drops the one holding Greenlight's brother with a stunbolt, Titus drops the leader with a sledgehammer to the jaw, the leader and the hostage are grabbed, and the team jump overboard as more terrorists pour out of the warehouse and Aztech and Alamos 20k open fire on each other.

Warhammer and Felix linger on the roof, since nobody has spotted them yet, assisting the chaos by sniping anybody about to throw a grenade, then cover the team's motorbikes with a tarp and scampering off to Dock 90. The others have already been there for some time - luckily they still had those self-contained air supplies. It turns out Labrat had bought an Aztechnology cruiser after our last run, and by a happy co-incidence he'd had it berthed at these very docks the whole time. We head out into Puget Sound to enjoy the fireworks as Aztech and Alamos start using RPGs and the like on each other.

Greenlight's brother wakes up, and surprises us with something Inkubus and Titus had already figured out, but was news to the rest of us.

Greenlight's brother: SIS!?
Inkubus: Yeah, Greenlight is actually a girl.

Then there's the terrorist we brought with us, who proves completely unable to resist Inkubus's mind proves, spilling every secret he knows, including Alamos 20k banking details, the identity of his superiors in the organisation, the fact that our client's superior at Biodyne is a Alamos 20k sympathiser ( which explains how they managed to hijack the plan ), what they wanted the research for ( a virus to wipe out all meta humans ), and why he joined Alamos 20k in the first place.

Greenlight: He hates metahumans because an elf girl dumped him.
Labrat: He hates them because an Orc boy dumped him XD

We hand the terrorist and the info on Alamos 20k over to Warhammer's CIA contact, and drain their banking account. Labrat bundles the data on Homo felis, Homo ursus, and the other less horrible research, and sends it off to one of the independent broadcasters. Greenlight gets to work teaching her little brother what he'll need to survive, while they try to find their parents.

Felix: The Shadowrun equivalent of 'Operation' - 'Bomb Disposal'
Greenlight's player: I love the fact that whenever the PCs in any of my games have children, they immediately start raising them as the next generation of PCs.

One oddity is that her brother doesn't seem to have aged at all, since the day Renraku corps security bundled him and his parents into the back of a truck. He doesn't remember anything concrete about the intervening years, either.

Ah well, back to the main plot, which we've derailed again.

GM: What is it with you lot derailing my plots by getting on a boat?
Greenlight: We're just awesome that way.

Nonetheless, Labrat still gets a phone call from Mr B, who rumour holds is a big name in the Orc Underground. We've been invited to a meet.

Inkubus: I bring a six-pack of Hurlg. And manage to resist drinking any.
Greenlight: Good - I don't want to have to carry you.
Inkubus: If you have to carry Inkubus, there isn't any beer.
Labrat: If you drank so much Hurlg there won't be any Inkubus

The big mystery here is how did they figure out we were involved in the business at the wharves, and why would they trust us after that anyway?

Felix: If they noticed whose boat left the dock, and whose bikes were left behind, they may well figure that somebody embarrassed Aztechnology and got dozens of Alamos 20K assholes killed, and think 'these are our kinds of people!'

That appears to be the case. We're even given the incredible honour of a visit to the top-secret underground complex the Orcs have under Seattle's lava and ash flows. One of the things we discuss with Mr B is the fate of our original client. Apparently his boss had him 'delayed' and he's probably going to need rescuing. True, we failed on the run, as far as he knows, but rescue and the chance to climb the corporate ladder after his boss gets arrested for terrorist ties should go a long way. Besides, we got more money out of the terrorist accounts than we were going to be paid, anyway.

He's not the only one who needs rescuing. The scientist - a long time friend of Mr B - who made the virus possible is very upset with the way her work was perverted. But there's not they can do about it, since they're still effectively a slave to Aztechnology. And she wants out. And they're being kept secure in the same complex we raided earlier. Just as well we kept a dose of the wall-softening catalyst.

Felix: We should extract them soon. While they still think nobody would be stupid enough to try this twice

Hired to help a small dragon find his memory and some revenge, the team have already solved 3/4 of the mystery without leaving the hospital room. Psychometry and Mindprobe are wonderful things. Of course Inkubus is going to have to swear a geas not to reveal all the other secrets he pulled out of the dragon's head, but that should probably wait until the room ISN'T full of doctors and Tri-D technicians. Either way, that bracelet he's paying us with is a clue. Is it the same one Inkubus saw on Tri-D star Maria Mercurial?

Titus: Well, there's an easy way to check
Inkubus: ... well, I got to hand it to the troll.

As mentioned earlier, Psychometry is a wonderful thing.

GM: I'm trying to get you to go to a jeweller's shop!

GM: I'm never letting a character have Psychometry again
Greenlight OoC: I can't believe you gave it to him in the first place.
Titus OoC: 'It seemed inoffensive at the time'
All: LOL

The first of the evening's distractions.

http://31.media.tumblr.com/7343a30bad4a86fc7610efa7814282c7/tumblr_nf6he4PyZY1qeze3ho1_500.jpg

Felix: One of the more unusual products to come out of the Dungeons and Dragons stable.
GM: Wait, what? That's a licensed product?
Felix: .... Nooooo. D&D. The cartoon. Uni?
GM: .... EWWWW!!!
Felix: Took you long enough.
Inkubus: Prince Blueblood has to make money somehow.
Felix: Well, bull semen is the most expensive product, by weight, in the world.
Greenlight: The More You Know! The Less You Want To.

It's actually a Hungarian herbal liqueur.

Greenlight: How about we go to the jeweller? I don't want a repeat of last time, where I saw a hovering Elf's junk.
Inkubus: As long as we admit it's always a possibility.

It's a very upmarket jeweller's store, in a very upmarket mall.

Warhammer: I give preciselyyyyyy.... two rat's arses.

The jeweller at King Solomon's Mine identifies the bracelet as a replica he made for a particular client - not Mercurial. He heads out the back of his shop to check the records. Inkubus advises Felix to NOT astrally case the joint - they can probably afford mystic security. This isn't the kind of place the rest of the team usually hang out after all.

Inkubus: It's not like we're where these guys live.
Warhammer: I'm surprised that hasn't come up yet.
Greenlight: We've been stopped every five feet since we came in.

Despite that, a quartet of ragged street scum are wandering nonchalantly up to the shop. They are BLATANTLY casing the joint.

Felix: Obviously the security were too busy following us around to notice these guys come in.

Toughs: Freeze! This is a robbery!
Warhammer: *starts laughing his arse off*
Inkubus: *turns with enormous shit-eating grin*
Felix: *looking around.* Wait, who's doing the robbery?
Toughs: ... This is not going to plan
Felix: *glares suspiciously at the dwarf* Warhammer... we did NOT discuss this...

Warhammer punches one of them in the balls.

Warhammer: I don't know why I shoot people, I really don't.

Inkubus' spell fizzles.

Inkubus: ... I suspect there are Bavarians nearby.

So does Felix's.

Felix: The hell? *stares at finger and ceiling* What sort of magical defenses do they have in here?

Titus: I think it would be a good idea if you just left.

With dawning horror the attempted robbers recognise who they tried to hold up, and get down on their knees, hands behind their heads, and wait for the police.

Greenlight: Good plan.

Inkubus: They've got promise
Felix: Look on the bright side - a few months in stir and they'll pick up all sorts of useful tricks.

Assuming the police don't just sell them for medical experimentation, anyway. Apparently the replica was made for one Justine Greer, the CEO of EmergingFutures, a freelance research think tank in the Barrens. Two months ago a mystery man bought them out in a hostile takeover, and they're currently involved in a corporate brawl with RenrakuCorp.

Felix: Well, we know who's going to win that one.

Inkubus calls his fixer, to arrange phone numbers in the hope this Miss Greer responds to our inquiries.

Inkubus: Somebody is going to be calling you about a ring.
Fixer: Did you propose marriage to someone again?
Inkubus: I've never been that drunk! I can't even say the world!

Greenlight's drama senses are tingling - she has a deep hate for Renraku, after they kidnapped her family. She wonders if this mystery buyer is the same Soft-eyed Man behind the kidnap.

Titus: I'm confused - how did you make the leap to him being a Renraku man?
Felix: Paranoia.
Greenlight: I'm sorry, someone mentioned the R-word and my mental gears went CRUNCH.

Felix: Are there any stormwater canals running through the Barrens?
GM: Sure.
Titus: Great, we can use a boat.
Felix: And if can find some way to add Inkubus' dick to the equation, we can't fail!
Titus: Just stick him on the front as a figurehead.

Inkubus: Coke dissolves concrete. There's a divot down on the wharfs where they spilled the concentrate - they washed it off in minutes and it STILL etched a mark.
Titus: And it still glows faintly on moonless nights.

It would have been a good idea to track down Greer and her company sooner. Now there's a collapsed warehouse and a column of smoke where their labs used to be.

Titus: This is what happens when you piss off a Triple-A company.
Inkubus: Now why don't we get jobs like THAT?
Titus: Well there was that one time, but we were supposed to be rescuing somebody.
Inkubus: Yeah, don't mention that one around Felix, he glares at me whenever I bring it up.

After the requisite rubber-necking from the Mystery Machine, we move on - for one thing the circling drones overhead are highly suspicious. But at least we get a call. Whoever is on the other end - we're experienced enough to not to assume it's actually Greer - wants to meet us at the Emerging Futures corporate offices the next day. They've had problems - half the windows have been shattered. But at least nobody shoots us as we go in. And their security is quite good - it detects nearly all of the weapons we're covering. Felix occupies one of the plush seats like he was born to it.

Inkubus: You were.

Greer would quite like the item back. We, of course, want to know how it ended up in our client's possession. And if it at point it was stolen, we don't want to be charged with handling stolen property. Inkubus mentions our client's name, and Greer completely fails to hide her shock behind a stoic facade.

Greer: I hope you understand that individual is a major asset of our company.
Inkubus: Yes, he's quite large.

Greer has the conference room sealed. A good sign, since she locked herself in here with us. Greenlight is getting more and more jumpy as the circuitous conversation continues. The Renraku connection is preying on her mind. And caging somebody for medical experimentation - even if it was a dragon - is striking too close to home. Inkubus quietly hits her with a mood-calming spell, which effects Warhammer even more severely.

Felix: Somebody dropped a Zenade. AUUUUMMMMM.

At least the dragon was willing participant in the research, despite his episode. It seems likely we can sort all this out with a few non-disclosure agreements.

Inkubus: I don't think I've ever been in this situation before - working for two clients who DON'T want to actively screw each other.

But the drones aren't hers. It's now obvious that Renraku is funding the attacks, and waiting to see what the company considers a high-priority asset. Greenlight's artificial peace evaporates immediately.

Felix: It's how I'd do it.

Greer offers a contract - recover the lab's data before Renraku can.

Inkubus: How did Eliohahn end up with your bracelet anyway?
Greer: During the attack we -
Inkubus: *raises eyebrow* Do tell.
Greer: Nothing like that!
Titus OoC: And that's where Drakes came from.

But what of two other details Inkubus pulled from Eliohahn's scrambled memory? The name Cobalt Marie, and an Orc with a coin earring? Inkubus recognises the name, at least. It's a club. Of COURSE it's a club. And a very exclusive one, for high-level corporate types.

Inkubus: Forget I mentioned it.
Titus: The Power of RETCON!
Inkubus: THAT'S the superpower I want.
Titus: Ultimate level in the martial art of Deja Fu. But it's no good against against another practitioner - it just degenerates into a temporal slapfight until everybody goes home embarrassed.

True, Renraku security are fearsome. Lets hope we don't run into any, regardless of how much Greenlight wants to. The objectives : Examine the lab site. Recover the data, unless it's already been copied in which case track down those responsible and recover it from THEM. Wipe any data pertaining to Project Cerberus.

Inkubus: Do we have permission to eliminate those drones? They are flying over your corporate territory.
Greer: Yes.
Warhammer: *smiles*
Inkubus: Are you happy now?
Titus: It'll even be legal. Mostly.

We leave, showing Security all the weapons they missed on our way in. Inkubus demonstrates proper security wand technique.

Inkubus: One of the perks of doing security. You get to poke people with a stick.

There's already a Renraku chopper parked at the ruined lab. Grinning evilly, Felix Stunbolts the pilot, Warhammer shoots down the Renraku drones, and Inkubus slaps an Force Dome over it.

Pilot: What the hell? One of the drones just wen-THUD

Inkubus Buffs Felix, Felix calls down an Air Elemental to conceal us, and we head in to have fun with ninjas.

Greenlight: Samurai. They'll kill you if you call them ninjas.
Warhammer: They'll try to kill us anyway.
Greenlight: They'll TRY.

Titus disables the elevators by ripping off a door and jamming it underneath the car. Still less noisy than using grenades. Then we head down the stairs - Eliohahn's exit hole is a bit alarming.

(At this point the game pauses because the police show up, looking for a previous tenant. I'd wondered if the neighbours had overheard us plotting murder and burglary - this IS Shadowrun, after all. But I resisted the temptation to yell "Quick, hide the hookers and blow" and dive over the fence)

GM: Tooonny! The Lone Star are here. IRL!
Tony: What?!
Titus' player: As valid reasons to pause the game go, it's a good one.

We sneak invisible and inaudible into the computer room, and prepare to make the red-clad Renraku samurai very unhappy campers.

Felix: I can't Stunball them all if you go up and tase them.
Greenlight: In any other situation that is a valid tactical observation - but this is is Renraku and F**K Renraku!

We stroll up to point-blank range, Titus taking practise swings with his sledgehammer, Warhammer with shotgun aimed at crotch, Greenlight preparing to tase someone in the face, and Felix preparing to fire a Stunbolt into somebody's occipital lobe.

Felix: On the count of three.
.
The resulting carnage is a bit alarming.

GM: Whatever happened to 'We only use gel rounds?'
Felix: Hey, I'M using Stun.

Inkubus is already clearing a flightpath for the helicopter when we steal it. Greenlight browses through the data and spots a few familiar names in old biotech data. Such as his brothers. And that of the Soft-eyed Man. And the phrase 'universal donor'.

Inkubus: Oh no. Your has Type O System. He's *valuable*.
Greenlight: *growls* What's Project Cerberus?
Felix: Do we have time for this?
Greenlight: SHUT. UP.

Actually, Cerberus seems to have nothing to do with his brother - it's all about cybertech for animals, and nothing to do with whatever research EmergingFutures were doing on Renraku's behalf. We head out carrying the pile of unconscious and dead samurai, sending the Renraku chopper off on autopilot invisible under the air elemental to Warhammer's merc base, and leave in the Mystery Machine. We dump the living samurai operatives at a coffin hotel after stealing all their stuff, and go home. A good night's work. Our GM is perturbed that we managed to steal the chopper.

Inkubus OoC: Useful tip for GMs - If you don't want the PCs to have something, don't give it to their enemies.

And, of course, Greenlight has more clues to whatever happened to his brother, and the possible whereabouts of his family.

Greenlight: I'm not going to kill EVERYBODY. Just whoever is responsible.
Inkubus: I know. I know you pretty well be now. Sorry about the calming spell on the office.
Greenlight: ....
Inkubus: Remind me to get an insulated cup.

We get paid six times for this job - the dragon, Miss Greer, selling the chopper, selling the samurai's gear, selling the dead samurai to the organleggers, and a special auction to sell the Renraku samurai armour to anybody who really want to piss off the corporation with a rare collectible. The data Greenlight stole refers to multiple Jacks. Jack One, Jack Two, Jack Three...

Felix: Maybe they're all stem cell lines.
Inkubus: ...He was younger than he should be...
Greenlight: ....They cloned him.
Inkubus: ... But he had Jack's memories? F**k. Personality chips.
Greenlight: I'm going to kill them all.
GM: I was going to give you all the hints over the next three sessions!
Felix OoC: You solved it in 30 seconds!
Inkubus OoC: Sorry.

Having played the same modules, I think our team was more successful at running some of those modules off the rails.
 
Drhoz previously described your version of DNA/DOA (linked here), which we also ran ... or started to.
 
The module derailed as follows ...
 
The shadowrunners were an ork/troll group. Against stereotype, they specialized in stealth, subtlety, bluff, illusion, deception and misdirection.   Dent: ork, rat shaman No-Step: ork, snake shaman, healer Byte Force: ork, decker, chemist Eye Spy: ork, rigger, drones, paramedic Audacity Jane: ork, combat, stealth, security systems Happy Jack: troll, combat, disguise, negotiator Mr. Johnson: generic name used by/for secretive employers who hire shadowrunners Alamos 20,000: a murderous, anti-metahuman organization   The team met at No-Step's safehouse one morning in response to a frantic text.   Happy Jack: (arriving with the rest) "What's up No-Step?" No-Step: (obviously stressed) "Nothing." (he holds up a note for them to read) No-Step's note: "I'm being blackmailed! Alamos 20K has my mother! They're making me carry a bug/tracker!"   The bug/tracker was quickly resolved ... since standard operating procedure was to turn every safehouse into a farraday cage.   According to No-Step's blackmailers, the team was going to be offered a job that evening. After completing the job, No-Step was supposed to turn the data over to the hostage-takers, rather than Mr. Johnson. To make matters worse, the captors apparently intended to use the data to create an anti-metahuman bioweapon.   Dent: (to No-Step) "What's the big deal. You know what your mother looks like, right?" No-Step: "What kind of stupid question is that?" Eye Spy: (muttering to herself) "Sheesh. Not all of us do." Dent: "I didn't mean that literally. You've assenced her. Seen her aura." No-Step: "Yes...." Dent: "Piece of cake. I'll show you how to find her."   Dent, a rules-lawyer at heart, gave a step-by-step primer on how to track her using watcher spirits and overcome every conceivable obstacle ... while the GM planted his head on the table.   By early afternoon the team had rescued No-Step's mother and taken a dozen Alamos 20,000 members captive.   Dent (ooc): Why did you abduct No-Step's mother? This would have been more challenging if you'd done it to one of the unawakened. GM: He was the only one I was sure would care about his immediate family. Byte Force: "Everybody keeps telling me that I have to have a family somewhere. Given the state of modern reproductive science and cloning technology, I just think those people are old-fashioned luddites." Happy Jack: "My parents threw me out of the apartment when I was 14. I wouldn't have minded so much, except we lived on the third floor." Audacity Jane: "My older brother and I fought when we were kids. He didn't survive."     The hostage-takers were correct about one thing. That evening the team was offered a job. Mr. Johnson's assistant drove Happy Jack (disguised as his alter-ego, Jonathan Bridges) to the meeting.   Mr. Johnson: "Anything I tell you has to be kept absolutely secret by you and your team. If any word of this datasteal gets loose, I will know who is to blame." Jonathan Bridges: "Your name is Mr. Walker, isn't it?" Mr. Walker/Mr. Johnson: (looking stunned) "..." Jonathan Bridges: "You're about to offer us a job to steal genetic research from one of the big eight megacorps?" Mr. Walker: "What? How...?" Jonathan Bridges: "I'm afraid word of this run has already gotten loose, and I'm absolutely certain my team wasn't to blame." Mr. Walker: "..." Jonathan Bridges: "Besides you, who else knew the details of this run?" Mr. Walker turns and looks at his assistant, who bolts from the room. Jonathan Bridges: (over his comlink) "The pigeon is flying. It's my chauffeur for the evening."   Mr. Walker raced after the assistant, followed by Jonathan Bridges / Happy Jack. The assistant managed to escape in the elevator ahead of them.   Jonathan Bridges: "For 50,000 nuyen my team will scoop him up as soon as he hits the street." Mr. Walker: (sputtering) "That ... that ... that's an outrageous price!" Jonathan Bridges: (shrugging) "Secrets are expensive. And right now, you don't know how many of yours he compromised." Mr. Walker: "..." Jonathan Bridges: "If you have a second team sitting outside the building, feel free to call them for a competing quote. Otherwise, your window of opportunity is going to last as long as an express elevator ride."   After the assistant was captured, Mr. Walker still tried to hire the team for the shadowrun. He refused, however, to pay the asking price of 1 million nuyen, half up front. The team figured it was a fair price, since word had already leaked that Aztechnology was the target ... and that our team was being approached for the run.   Presumably Mr. Walker hired another team of suck... I mean shadowrunners ... to complete the job.   No-Step: "What are we going to do to the thugs who were holding my mother?" Eye Spy: "Sell them to the ghouls. Everybody needs to eat." Audacity Jane: "Sell them to the organ-leggers. They pay better." Eye Spy: "And they sell the scraps to the ghouls." Happy Jack: "Some of them may have family members who are willing to pay to have them returned alive." Byte Force: "That's risky. Lone Star may try to set a trap for you." Happy Jack: "They'll be setting a trap for the kidnappers. I'll be offering my services to the families as a professional ransom negotiator." Byte Force: "They pay you to negotiate a ransom with us? Twisted." No-Step: "I hate to interrupt your greed, but I'm not agreeing to let those monsters walk away scott free." Dent: "No problem. I'll rip a bunch of incriminating evidence from their minds. Turn it over to Lone Star anonymously, and they'll never go free." No-Step: "what if Lone Star ignores it?" Byte Force: "I can also send a copy to their Alamos 20K buddies. They'll kill them just to keep them from talking to Lone Star."

Indeed there is, fortunately myself and another player have been playing Shadowrun since 1st edition, so we're pretty good at being able to help the GM update things on the fly. Which is good because we play Inkubus and Labrat. The two characters who are arguably most responsible for running the game off of the module in question's rails.

I can answer that for you, BlueCloud. (For the curious, it is I who plays Inkubus.) We're using the Shadowrun 4th edition ruleset, mainly because it's the most up-to-date set that we have a large number of books for and the GM is running through a large number of the splat-book adventures. Although he did an excellent job of winging it at the end of our last session, so I look forward to the occassional home-brewed adventure.

Look for GI Joe cartoon episodes "The Funhouse" and "The Gamemaster" for ideas.

Not sure if it's a good thing this got my mind thinking of how to actually work this out... Would probably be interesting...

COBRA Commander in Wonderland

Shadowrun. June 2052, and we find ourselves mixed up in elven political shenanigans again. At least it makes a change from dragons.

Felix OoC: Purrdence is a Smut Field generator, Inkubus is a Smut Sink.
Inkubus: I collapse the Smut Field. With the Power of the D!
Felix: It's a lightning rod, is it?
Inkubus: I earth out the Smut Field!

Warhammer bemoans the lack of drinking on the trip out to the Puyullup Barrens slums.

Felix: Given how many vehicles use gasohol, these days, is it 'One for the car, one for me, one for the car, one for me'?

Sandii: This is your lucky night - you're going to a party.
Inkubus: *headdesk* And of course I said yes.

Our fixer is very attractive, right up until she flashes the stainless steel razorteeth.

Inkubus: Nope, nope, nope.
Greenlight: Maybe not the effect you were looking for, lady.
Felix: The Anti-Viagra.

The Johnson we're meeting wants to meet at a very noisy Elven nightclub.

Felix: *hums the Mos Eisley Cantina Band tune*
Inkubus: Hey, stop putting Jizz in my ear!

And yes, the Cantina Band's musical style really is called jizz. You have to wonder what the Star Wars writers were thinking, sometimes. Anyway, a club full of elves isn't that unusual - to the disgust of the elf nation Tir Tairngire, most elves has gone pop-culture instead of 'traditional'.

Felix: Not all elves are Galadriel.

As instructed, we mingle until the client comes to us. Greenlight hides in a corner, Titus passes for scenery, Felix bemoans the lack of anything worth ingesting at the bar, Labrat cuts a rug, and Inkubus completely botches his temptation check and promptly becomes the centre of Typhoon Inkubus.

Mr. Johnson: I believe you are the people I am here to meet. Is the rest of your team to hand?
Felix: *sigh and glance at the dance floor where one of the more obscure Hindu gods is apparently having an epileptic seizure.*

GM: How do you do an Elven accent?
Inkubus OoC: Start with Antonio Banderas
Greenlight OoC: And sprinkle with a bit of Paddy McGinty.
Inkubus OoC: As long as McGinty was sober.
Titus OoC: So, dead then.

Inkubus refuses to leave the mosh-pit orgy. Apparently it's a religious thing. Leaving Titus to keep an eye on him, just in case. The rest of us retire to the Elf Johnson's private room. According to the client, the Young Elven Technologists policlub have been doing naughty stuff. Felix's conspiracy dabblings ring a bell at this point, and he swears internally, because the YET policlub has links to Ehran the Scribe, the allegedly immortal author of that manuscript we stole, and an associate of that Scots elf Quicksilver. To avoid political embarrassment somewhere on the Watergate Scale - or possibly ensure it - we need to steal some data. A problem, since none of us are hackers.

Felix: If we walk off with their mainframe, they'll probably notice.

But we can at least call in some friends. Now all we need are passcodes, access to the suite that Ehran the Scribe will be using on his upcoming visit to Seattle, and hack a company from the club and incriminate the Y.E.T.

Titus: This guy is terrible at operational security - the entire team he just hired are in the damn building he wants a Run on.
Felix: He's probably relying on the idea 'It can't have been them, they walked right in here.'
Greenlight: Refuge in f**king audacity.
Felix: 'No shadowrunner would be so stupid as to start an orgy on the dance floor DURING A RUN.'
Inkubus: Speaking of which, I failed that temptation check too.
Felix: *facepalm*

Labrat calls in the assistance of his Korean hacker friend Kimchi. And while she's at it, we try to ID the Johnson. His facial scars, that look like he tried to make out with a kitchen blender, should help there. At least whatever we do, it's going to be hard to distract people's attention from Inkubus on the dance floor. Greenlight leaves the club, and returns disguised as an elf.

Inkubus OoC: I hope I recognise her.
Greenlight: I'm not going NEAR the dance floor.

Greenlight bluffs her way past the bouncers and into the policlub levels.

GM: What are you waving?
Greenlight: Fake security pass.
GM: Oh, I thought it was your stun-baton.
Felix: Admittedly a stun-baton is ALMOST as good for getting you into a secure area as an actual pass.

Felix tells Inkubus what the rest of the team are up to, including Greenlight's disguise.

Felix: Watch out for an elf in a blue dress.
Inkubus: Is she cute? Should I try and chat her up?
Felix: ..... *pokerface* Why yes! She is! You do that!
Inkubus OoC: You bastard.

Alas, Inkubus sees through Felix' deception.

Inkubus: You know, you're awfully eager about this. Usually you're the first one trying to shut me down.

Greenlight: Do you want to go get a drink with me at the bar?
Security: I can't leave my post
Greenlight: Pleasepleasepleaseplease?

Kimchi and the orc Labrat get caught in the server room.

Felix: Are you going to need help removing that guard's memories?
Warhammer: I'm going to remove the guard. *punches him out and stuffs him in a closet*

They've just finished getting the passcodes when an explosion rocks the building and automatic gunfire opens up from the lounge. Given Felix was the only one still in the actual club - Titus and Warhammer was playing cards in the team's 'garbage truck' and Inkubus is naked somewhere - this is bad news for Felix.

Felix: ... F**k!

He attempts to play dead while the gunmen - from the elven extremist group Paranobilis - wander around shooting survivors. We've brushed with before (well, assassinated some of their leadership). Inkubus flies in, naked and glowing.

Titus: Crotch first.
Inkubus: Worse - I was interrupted mid coitus. This is officially my weirdest fight yet. WHO'S MY BITCH

Titus charges in, using one of the exit hatches from the truck as a tower shield. Labrat was clever with his design. The first three gunman get trampled underfoot. We've probably got at least 15 minutes before the Lone Star cops show up. Assuming somebody calls them. Even though there was an explosion. This is the Barrens after all. Or, you know, you could have Greenlight pretend to be a cop.

Greenlight: This is Lone Star! Drop your weapons or you WILL be killed!

Certainly, the Paranobilis group are already on the back foot, what with the glowy flying naked elf, Warhammer hosing them down with gunfire, and the troll battering ram. So this bluff actually works.

Greenlight: If at first it doesn't work, rub Greenlight on it.

Felix: And the cameras are getting all of this.
Warhammer: We are the best team ever.

At this moment the GM is distracted by the snacks on the gaming table.

GM: That is not a frog.
Felix: *examines* Good god.
GM: This is a schlong.
Titus: Complete with testes. Who let Inkubus pick the nibblies?

Felix: By Somnos and Lethe, inTheNameOfHypnosGodOfSleepSLEEP!!!

The stunball works. VERY well - even Titus reels. No wonder Felix managed to take out that dragon. Inkubus has seen people killed by stun spells that powerful. And there's all those people already wounded by the bomb.

Felix: Whoops. Well, at least we can blame any deaths on Paranobilis.

The glowy naked elf hovers down.

Inkubus: Felix. We need to talk.
Labrat: We need to LEAVE.
Greenlight: This is Lone Star! Everybody remain on the ground.
Inkubus: F**k!
Greenlight: Ssh, it's me, you're fine.
Inkubus: Greenlight? Take that dress off, I want my boner to go away!
Greenlight: I want mine to go away too! Get some pants on!

For boner, read ladyboner. Greenlight's habitual cross-dressing might otherwise lead to confusion. Kimchi finishes framing the YET with the corporate hack, we leave the Paranobilis to whatever retribution is coming, and we all fuck off. True, we still have no idea who the Johnson was, but at least we all get well paid despite the elf-on-elf violence.

A few weeks later, we get another job offer - the latest Johnson has been badly injured and wishes to purchase some retribution.

Felix: Do we do retribution?
Inkubus: *shrug*

Felix wonders how notorious we are now.

Felix: You DID appear flying and naked on camera.
Inkubus: On private camera. It was an elf policlub. They just went "Yeah! Elf Power'. Admittedly some of them were a bit self-conscious about the dick, but...

Our new client is currently in a private room in Seattle General. Judging by the damage, someone tried to ice the Johnson WHILE he was at the hospital. Just as well for the assailants that it was a public hospital, and not a DocWagon facility - in that case it would have been "And how far did they get before the quad-guns reduced them to a crimson vapour?" Although the damage turns out to have been hospital security over-reacting when the Johnson crashed through the roof. The Johnson is a small Western Dragon.

GM: The dragon eyes you emotionally.
Warhammer: Unemotionally?
Felix: I'm not sure I want to be the target of a dragon's emotions.
Inkubus: I know one dragon who would eye us emotionally - Gayschlong.
Gayschlong: Oh f**k YOU guys.
Warhammer: Uh, yeah... this is awkward.

Actually, it's not Geyswain - but the tiny dragon has been badly shot up. We're still appalled that we're getting involved in the affairs of a SIXTH dragon, even one that seems more interested in Tri-D than his injuries, after everything with that 'human' in the limo, Celadyr, Lofwyr, Aleesh, and Geyswain.

Our client's most important injury is his total amnesia as to what happened to him, who he is, and why someone would try to kill him. The dragon offers to pay with a ring from one of his horns - a ring that Inkubus instantly recognises. He last saw it as a bracelet on Maria Mercurial, a current pop superstar. And it gets weirder - the dragon also has custom data-jacks. EXTREMELY rare and unusual.

Inkubus: So we're taking the job then - this is too damn interesting.

Lucky Titus has Psychometry, on top of his accounting, gardening, and grievous bodily harm skills. That should bypass half the plot. It would appear the dragon escaped from a cage, managed to fry his own brain with an experimental cyberdeck, dodged their security team, and eventually crashed into the hospital. This is a little alarming. If somebody is even CLOSE to inventing neural implants for dragons, this is huge news, especially since related technology - such as those Persona Chips from the first adventure - can then be used to CONTROL dragons.

Inkubus: I don't want a Jack the Ripper dragon.
Warhammer: I want a Ghenghis Khan dragon!
Inkubus: You wouldn't be able to tell the difference.

Inkubus: I'm going to have to probe your mind. I'm telling you this so when you feel the probe you don't...
Felix: Bite his head off.
Inkubus: Bite my head off. Or eat me. Or breath fire. Whatever.
Dragon: I see. I warn you a dragon's mind is sacrosanct.
Inkubus: I understand.
Felix: Besides, with that fee you get full confidentiality anyway.

The spell Mindprobe bypasses another quarter of the plot. He's the dragon Eliohann, who's always had a fascination with technology.

Inkubus: This is the first time I've Mindprobed somebody that wants me to go deeper.

Working for yet another dragon, and working so effectively, is going to do wonders for our reputation.

Inkubus: 'We work for dragons. Sure, you scare the shit out of us. But we're greedy.'
GM: At this rate the dragons are going to start bidding wars to hire you.

A few more sessions of that D&D game, where all the PCs are gnolls, bat-men, panda-kin, etc. It's one of those games. Speaking of games, go have a look at Paul Kidd's new GeneStorm RPG on Indiegogo - it's looking SWEEEET

Clearing out the rest of the old wizard's tower, after slaughtering the aforementioned old wizard and most of his minions. But if there IS anybody left down here, we might as well stake a claim on the moral high ground. Vitus shouts to any hypothetical listeners.

Vitus: Surrender now and there's a chance we will spare you life. Resist, and we'll probably kill you for wasting our time. Got that? And if you REALLY annoy us we'll cripple you then drown you in the pit of liquified undead bugbear.

Laudigan: Is that a room over there?
Vitus: Apparently.
Laudigan: *crosses his arms wearily.* I don't suppose it's the bathroom, is it?

The blue panda-kin is quite enamoured with the Cloak of Useful Items he loots from the dead wizard.

Adrian Vyn: Ooooh! Ooooh! There's a frigging portable ram in this cloak! and... a window... not sure why we'd need a window... Look at this! There's gems in here... and gold... coffer. Doggies!
Vitus: Obviously it's a cursed cloak of dementation

There is one more person in the dungeon, some kind of white-furred fox-kin or canine creature by the name of Sanmer, who was being prepared for sacrifice. Duly rescued, we head back to town. Vitus is a little uncomfortable with the casual flirtation between the various PCs. Even the bloody familiars are at it, apparently. And they, at least, are both crows. Of course, this could just be Vitus not being in touch with his own attractions again. Just look how badly things went with his concubine, 3.

Vitus: Is it just me or is every non-human on this plane a raving satryomaniac?
Laudigan: Don't look at me - it's a living.

Laudigan walks with a noticeable swagger, mostly to hide the fact that he is swaying with exhaustion as he walks. At least his yawns are incredibly photogenic. But he whimpers softly when Vitus orders a hot bath.

Laudigan: Please.
Vitus: Beat you to it. You'll just have to wait.
Laudigan: Can't I join you, Vitus?
Vitus: *flushes bright red under his fur, stammers, and hurries off*
Laudigan: Vitus, waaait- *tries to get up, but unceremoniously slumps down onto the ground, face-planted* Mnm, oh sweet ground, you've come to meet me, so suddenly.

The bartender wants to know what happened out at the ruins.

Vitus: Foul necromancy, giant monsters, swarms of terrible dire vermin. There's no way they were natural rats. Probably demonic.
Nig Llush, Bartender: You said Necromancy, did ye, wizard? and giant rats? ach, good thing you cleared em out..
Vitus: *suddenly remembering we let the Hob leader get away.* ....yesssss. Cleared them out.

Laudigan: Mmm... you wouldn't happen to have an extra bath, would you? One with perfumed water and rose shampoo? And- *trembles eagerly at the thought* A nice, warm bed?
Nig Llush, Bartender: You've got me best rooms for the night. As for a bath, I can give ye a tub, water, and soap, but ye'll have to find yer own perfume!

The ensuing scenes mostly revolve around the developing rom-com of Vitus and Laudigan. What WOULD that slash pairing be called, anyway? LaudiGnoll? Sounds like a sedative.

GM: Vitus is officially the campaign Butt-monkey. Possibly literally.

Vitus' red-hot embarrassment and hotel-room confusions aside, what now? Especially since it looks like the lightning storm was a distraction to allow the hobs a chance to kidnap villagers. Trying to talk the PCs into doing anything about it is potentially challenging, given our personalities.

Vitus: If we don't end the problem now, the one that got away could come back with all his friends. And even if they aren't planning anything like that, we should at least try to find the missing villagers.
Laudigan: Their leader got away.
Adrian Vyn: So? That's a good thing.
Vitus: We are not farming hobgoblins here. And as far as I know there is no standing bounty to encourage us to start farming them. I would like to point out that at least three of my problems over the years have arisen because I left enemies alive behind me.
Laudigan: I don't like leaving loose ends. And Hob outposts mean money.
Adrian Vyn: Is that so?
Laudigan: Perhaps even a chance at vengeance, considering what they did to Sanmer.
Adrian Vyn: Revenge doesn't end well.
Laudigan: It does when it ends in a hefty sack of loot. Search your feelings, you know them to be Chaotic.
Sanmer: Loot!
Adrian Vyn: We have more than enough money to adventure as we please. We don't need to go put ourselves at danger to....
Sanmer: Speak for yourself
Laudigan: Think of it less as revenge... and more of overdue compensation. Hobs kidnap people, many of them go dead, their belongings end up- ownerless. WE can be those owners.
Vitus: Let me offer a hypothetical - we all go our separate ways, dismissing the hobgoblins and any potential threat they might offer. And in a few years we hear that they DID come back, perhaps empowered by sacrifice of their captives, and did horrible, horrible things to the innocent-if-slightly-dim villagers here. Would any of you feel slightly guilty about that, knowing we had a chance to prevent it, here and now?
Sanmer: Loot! That's all I need to know
Laudigan: And even if you didn't care about these people, here's something to think about... sacrificial rituals aren't exactly done to summon a good barrel of mead. What ever they tried to do to Sanmer was something that was probably going to affect not just this town, but the world. And who of us are unlucky enough to live here? No world, no us. No loot.
Adrian Vyn: I will go if you shut your muzzle, bat.
Laudigan: That's the spirit.

Perhaps we can use some kind of poison to wipe out the hobgoblin encampment. As it happens, the village's bizarrely well-stocked Apothecary is among the kidnapped. We're sure he won't mind us looting his store if it gets him rescued.

Vitus: Even if they have a spellcaster, he'll exhaust all his magic long before he can stop the majority of the tribe puking out their own livers.

Vitus: Ooooh, Destroying Angel AND Foxglove seeds! *rattles ones of the vials and sniffs very cautiously* Metallic arsenic.
Narrator: Rust monster flakes, aluminium, Magnesium oxide...

Vitus opens a lead tube, is briefly illuminated by a green glow, & closes it again.

Vitus: No idea.

However, we soon discover that the biggest threat to the village isn't the Hobs, it's there own damn apothecary. Vitus freezes where he stands, having just opened a magical icebox. There's a canister of FOOF magically suspended in the magically frozen interior. Vitus veeeery slowly closes the icebox again, as if he's afraid it will explode. He is. Being such a planewalker, he recognises the stuff by reputation at least, but to the apothecary it was simply the most volatile explosive thing he could make to use in case something horribly wrong happened with his alchemy or the place was attacked. It would destroy the store and its contents to keep them out of the wrong hands.

Vitus OoC: Seriously??? I thought you were joking!
Narrator: It's the apothecary's secret weapon!
Vitus OoC: it's 'Why Is There A Crater Where Our Village Used To Be', you mean.

Vitus: Well, think of something that will not only explode on contact with anything, including ice, but will poison everything around you if you even survive using it.
Sanmer: Ooookay... lets avoid genocidal poison please
Vitus: You have to keep it frozen. You can't even MAKE it without running the vapours over red hot metal. Do you see the problem?

Laudigan: ...We should board that place up.
Sanmer: I say, lets just skedaddle!
Adrian Vyn: You do realised hammering will send vibrations through the building?
Laudigan: Then build a fence around it or SOMETHING, I don't want that to go off when we're in the vicinity!

Vitus starts to tremble, remembering all that lightning and thunder the other night.

Vitus: Sweet chilli and little puppies, we're lucky we are still ALIVE
Sanmer: I think it's better we debate our options AWAY from super deadly alchemy weapons...

FOOF is unspeakably dangerous but being PCs we immediately wonder about ways to use it to our advantage.

Vitus: And reducing the hob camp to a crater with a bombing run counts as 'advantageous' in my book

Vitus: I wonder if your familiars could carry it - on some sort of fibre. Held between their primaries.

Vitus: Ok then... does anybody have a Bag of Holding? Would the cannister fit inside one of the Metaplanar Bank bags?
GM: I don't think the boss of the bank would rather enjoy an alchemical grenade being dropped onto his gold hoard. XD

Vitus recalls a question he was asked right before he clenched his sphincters tight enough to turn coal into diamonds

Vitus: Oh, right, hostages. Well, I suppose we can mix up something that just puts them to sleep. Although explosive gut-wrenching diarrhea would be easier... Assuming they actually feed themselves and the captives the same food.

Laudigan: I haven't decided what my perform is yet... Perform: Dwarfstep. Perform: Rap battle Perform: Supersonic bat squeaks.
GM: Dwarfstep... DROP DA AXE!
Laudigan: Yeah, sounds like lotsa metal grinding and gears turning, and anvils being hammered.
GM: BWOOWWWM BWOOWWM BWOOWWM BWOOWWWM WUBWUBWUBWUBWUBWUB

Meanwhile, the group's corvid familiars Torio and Lockheed gabbing and gossiping while they preen.

Lockheed: Don't even get me STARTED on that empathic link- I tell you- Master may be a masochist, but I sure am not!

We track the hobgoblins, and soon come under sniper fire. Adrian puts Ventriloquism to good effect, two inches from the hob's ear, high in a tree.

Adrian Vyn: Boo!

The sniper clings to life, even after Laudigan cuts his throat. This might make interrogation difficult.

Vitus: He can still blink once for yes, twice for no

The Hobgoblin hideout is underground. We nearly fall victim to a spike-filled pitfall trap at the bottom of the first shaft. Vitus saves Laudigan by grabbing him by the pants.

Laudigan: Thank you for catching me, by the way. It would not have been the kind of penetration I'm used to.

The underground complex is considerably larger then we were expecting. And more full of goblinoids.

Vitus: you know, that FOOF would have been really handy right now

GM: But that's just the surroundings. you're probably more interested in the PHALANX of Hobgoblins, shields raised, spears at the ready just waiting for the order to attack. or the second line of archers behind. Or their leader, the Hobgoblin we ran into under the tower ruins, who glares, and thrusts his blade forward, roaring.
Sergeant Korvazz: DESTROY THEM!
Laudigan: Thank you! Your formations are impressive! I must make one request, however- PLEASE NOT MY FACE.

Fortunately, Vitus' Web spell removes their numerical advantage. Unfortunately, that's when an armoured Hobgoblin war-cleric emerges from a far room.

Nok'ral: Perfect. Good JOB, Adventurers! I couldn't have done it better myself!

The hobgoblin turns to the entangled sergeant and soldiers.

GM: Ah, Korvazz.. I meant to do this a little later, after the town had been razed, but alas, these adventurers have given me the perfect opportunity.
Laudigan: Sweet Bahamut, my bardic drama-sense is tingling.
Sergeant Korvazz: What are you talking about? Either let us out or attack the intrud- Wait, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
Nok'ral: You will make a fine sacrifice to Gho'Gath, warrior.. May your soul feed his insatiable hunger..!

The cleric then ignites the Web. Korvazz and his archers burn to death remarkably quickly. Their screams echo through the hall, all the while the Cultist Nok'Ral laughs with the most villainous of evil laughs. He then turns towards the party, and says he looks forward to seeing us again when will make even better sacrifices to Gho'Gath the Devourer. Vitus turns to the surviving Hobs

Vitus: I'd run away now, if I were you.

There's a heavy roar from the north. Two roars, in fact..

Hobgoblin Fighter: ...Oh, no..
Laudigan: By the gods, what now... What has he wrought?
GM: As it's technically their turn, the remaining hobgoblins drop their shields, turn and FLEE to the east.

It's two enlarged dire apes, who shouldn't be able to fit in these tunnels, actually.

GM: So, yeah, looked it up. 10x10 square......WHY ARE THESE IN THE BOOK. WHO DESIGNED THIS MODULE?!
Laudigan: I DON'T KNOW. THE PASSAGES AREN'T EVEN BIG ENOUGH

Happily, Greasing the floor of the corridor leaves the apes scrabbling wildly, shoulders jammed into the walls and feet sliding helplessly underneath.

Laudigan: A party member in the other campaign asked 'Why do you have pork rinds in your spell pouch?' 'Grease'. 'Why do you have grease?' 'Lube.'

Unhappily, the apes still have formidable reach, and even after one is killed the other grabs Laudigan. And Vitus is out of everything but 0th-level spells.

Vitus: ....Are these apes male?
GM: Sure, why not? Why?
Vitus: *uses Mage Hand to telekinetically seize the ape's scrotum and TWIST*
GM: Mage Hand only works on unattended items.
Vitus: Really? And how much attention was he giving his balls? I'll allow he's paying attention to them NOW.

After that, decapitating the traumatised ape is a mercy killing.Then there's just releasing the captives, Laudigan seducing a demon-axe, destroying an altar, and trying to decide what to do with a half-dozen goblin slaves.

Vitus: We can't keep them, regardless of how willing they are! We're already a party of non-humans - if we wander around with a pack of goblins they're shoot us on sight!