Tim

Re: "Neat" Pictures
 
And the "Alien Vessels" chart.
 

Re: A Thread for Random Musings
 
Find and read the "Heroes in Hell" series
 

Re: A Thread For Random Links
 

 
They BOTH have more than four legs and should DIE!

Re: NGD Scenes from a Hat
 
OOPS ! Someone beat me, but this typo must be added:
 
 
 
"The man who lives on hope dies farting."
 
(This is a typo that appeared in an actual book trying to quote Benjamin Franklin. The actual quote is "He who lives on hope dies fasting."
 
nt: Man found dead dressed in a six-year-old girl's school clothes, complete with patent leather shoes, with a gas mask over his nose and mouth with the other end of the hose stuffed into his rectum. ( I am NOT making this up !!!)

Re: A Thread for Random Musings
 
Subject: Spiritural One-Liners
 
 
"Don't let your worries get the best of you, remember, Moses started out as a basket case"
 
Some people are kind, polite, and sweet-spirited - until you try to sit in their pews.
 
Many folks want to serve God, but only as advisers. It is easier to preach ten sermons than it is to live one.
 
The good Lord didn't create anything without a purpose, but mosquitoes come close.
 
When you get to your wit's end, you'll find God lives there.
 
People are funny, they want the front of the bus, the middle of the road, and the back of the church.
 
Opportunity may knock once, but temptation bangs on your front door forever.
 
Quit griping about your church; if it were perfect, you couldn't belong.
 
If the church wants a better pastor, it only needs to pray for the one it has.
 
God Himself does not propose to judge a man until he is dead. So why should you?
 
Some minds are like concrete, thoroughly mixed up and permanently set.
 
Peace starts with a smile.
 
I don't know why some people change churches; what difference does it make which one you stay home from?
 
A lot of church members who are singing "Standing on the Promises"s are just sitting on the premises.
 
We were called to be witnesses, not lawyers or judges.
 
Be ye fishers of men. You catch them - He'll clean them.
 
Coincidence is when God chooses to remain anonymous.
 
Don't put a question mark where God put a period.
 
Don't wait for 6 strong men to take you to church.
 
Forbidden fruits create many jams.
 
God doesn't call the qualified, He qualifies the called.
 
God grades on the cross, not the curve.
 
God loves everyone,but probably prefers FRUITS OF THE SPIRIT OVER RELIGIOUS NUTS!
 
God promises a safe landing, not a calm passage.
 
He who angers you, controls you!
 
If God is your Copilot - swap seats!
 
Prayer: Don't give God instructions -- just report for duty!
 
The task ahead of us is never as great as the Power behind us.
 
The Will of God will never take you to where the Grace of God will not protect you.
 
We don't change the message, the message changes us.
 
You can tell how big a person is by what it takes to discourage him.
 
"Father, bless the person reading this in whatever it is that You know they need"

Re: Answers & Questions
 

 
Q: I feel gypped. Here I come to heaven for my 50 virgins, and the first 20 don't know how to have sex.
 
A: Once a virgin, well, not always a virgin.

Re: NGD Scenes from a Hat
 

 
Mighty Moth.- Attracted by Green lanterns Light, he soon absorbed it and became sentient.

Re: NGD Scenes from a Hat
 

 
 
this is the Batcave, not Neverland Ranch.

Re: Longest Running Thread EVER
 
<>TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America.
MARIA: Here it is.
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America?
CLASS: Maria.
-------------
 
TEACHER: Why are you late, Frank?
FRANK: Because of the sign.
TEACHER: What sign?
FRANK: The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."
----------
 
TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.
-----------
 
TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell "crocodile?"
GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L"
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
GLENN: Maybe it's wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
-----------
 
TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday, you said it's H to O.
-----------
 
TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WINNIE: Me!
-----------
 
TEACHER: Gus, why do you always get so dirty?
GUS: 'Cause I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
----------
 
TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with "I."
MILLIE: I is...
TEACHER: No, Millie..... Always say, "I am."
MILLIE: All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."
----------
 
TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree,
but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the ax in his hand.
---------
 
TEACHER: Clyde, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's.
Did you copy his?
CLYDE: No, teacher, it's the same dog.
----------
 
TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people
are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher.

Re: Longest Running Thread EVER
 
A client brought a litter of golden retriever puppies to my
veterinary clinic for inoculations and worming. As the
look-alike pups squirmed over and under one another in their
box, I realized it would be difficult to tell the treated
ones from the rest. I turned on the water faucet, wet my
fingers, and moistened each dog's head when I had finished.
 
After the fourth puppy, I noticed my hitherto talkative
client had grown silent. As I sprinkled the last pup's head,
the woman leaned forward and whispered, "I didn't know they
had to be baptized."

Re: A Thread for Random Musings
 
Announcing the new "Built-in Orderly Organized Knowledge" device, otherwise known as BOOK!
 
It's a revolutionary breakthrough in technology: no wires, no electric circuits, no batteries, nothing to be connected or switched on. It's so easy to use even a child can operate it. Just lift its cover. Compact and portable, it can be used anywhere--even sitting in an armchair by the fire--yet it is powerful enough to hold as much information as a CD-ROM! Here's how it works: each BOOK is constructed of sequentially numbered sheets of paper (recyclable), each capable of holding thousands of bits of information. These pages are locked together with a custom-fit device called a binder which keeps the sheets in their correct sequence. By using both sides of each sheet, manufacturers are able to cut costs in half. Each sheet is scanned optically, registering information directly into your brain. A flick of the finger takes you to the next sheet. The book may be taken up at any time and used by merely opening it. The "browse" feature allows you to move instantly to any sheet, and move forward and backward as you wish. Most come with an "index" feature, which pinpoints the exact location of any selected information for instant retrieval. An optional "BOOKmark" accessory allows you to open the BOOK to the exact place you left it in a previous session--even if the BOOK has been closed. BOOKmarks fit universal design standards; thus a single BOOKmark can be used in BOOKs by various manufacturers. Portable, durable and affordable, the BOOK is expected to enjoy tremendous demand of truly historic proportions. New titles continue to appear, due to the continued popularity of its programming tool, the Portable Erasable-Nib Cryptic Intercommunication Language Stylus.

Re: A Thread for Random Musings
 
Austrailian Humor.
 
Some more chuckles for you...............
 
After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet,"
which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics
correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots
review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that
ground crews lack a sense of humor.
 
Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots
(marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by
maintenance engineers. By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has
never had an accident.
 
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
 
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
 
P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.
 
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
 
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute
descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
 
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
 
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
 
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're for.
 
P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
 
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
 
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
 
P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
 
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
 
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
 
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget
pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.

Re: Answers & Questions
 

 
Q: What was the rejected battle-cry for the Avengers?
 
A: We can all be freinds.

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...
 
I pickewd up a few at Diecon this weekend and thought I'd share.
 
From Steve Long's Champions senerio:
 
SL: "You're Superheroes. You want to sneak in and smash the place up."
 
SL: "What time of day are you doing this?"
Defender (played by Scubahero): "Night!"
 
Sapphire to Witchcraft: "Drain them to Zero Presence and they become more like you."
 
Witchcraft "I Dex his Drain!"
 
From a Stargate Game:
two characters talking about General O'Neil:
"He can be serious."
"But not in a serious way."
 
"The Goa'uld would not duplicate Howard Stern."
 
"I was trying to rescue you, but this guy can walk thru walls."
 
While fighting our "evil" duplicates, one of the players mentioned our dupes not being who they were, I cracked a joke about RFK. (Doc Anomaly was also in the game)
DA: "Don't blindside me like that when I'm trying to shoot myself."
 
from a Dark Champions game:
"There is only enouhg room in a Lamborgini for the Driver and a good looking woman.
 
From a fantasy Hero game:
A large rat had just jumped on one of the characters.
me: "Is it a rodent of Unusual Size?"
ScubaH: "I don't think they exist"

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...
 

 
Also from the Fantasy Hero game:
The party is fighting a group of undead Orcs, all the hth types are engaged.
 
Mage: Should I cast a fireball guys?
Most everyone: Cast away, we can take it.
Mage: (Rolls a total of 2 on 2d6 rka, AER)
Me; Well, at least my armor is now dry.

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...
 
I pickewd up a few at Diecon this weekend and thought I'd share.
 
From Steve Long's Champions senerio:
 
SL: "You're Superheroes. You want to sneak in and smash the place up."
 
SL: "What time of day are you doing this?"
Defender (played by Scubahero): "Night!"
 
Sapphire to Witchcraft: "Drain them to Zero Presence and they become more like you."
 
Witchcraft "I Dex his Drain!"
 
From a Stargate Game:
two characters talking about General O'Neil:
"He can be serious."
"But not in a serious way."
 
"The Goa'uld would not duplicate Howard Stern."
 
"I was trying to rescue you, but this guy can walk thru walls."
 
While fighting our "evil" duplicates, one of the players mentioned our dupes not being who they were, I cracked a joke about RFK. (Doc Anomaly was also in the game)
DA: "Don't blindside me like that when I'm trying to shoot myself."
 
from a Dark Champions game:
"There is only enouhg room in a Lamborgini for the Driver and a good looking woman.
 
From a fantasy Hero game:
A large rat had just jumped on one of the characters.
me: "Is it a rodent of Unusual Size?"
ScubaH: "I don't think they exist"

Re: Answers & Questions
 

 
 
Q: Man you look trashed. What did you end up drinking last night?
 
A: That'll put hair on your butt.

Re: Musings on Random Musings
 

It has been suggested that the NGD boards have been clogged with multiple annoying threads, all linking to other, usually funny websites. It was also suggested that they be given a single thread where they may be posted, commented upon, etc., similar to the random musings thread.
 
Given that I tend to link to other sites quite a bit, and not wanting to be considered annoying, the Thread For Random Links is born. While it may be confusing at times with mixed comments and multiple links, at least it will be less annoying to others and hopefully contributory towards the new character of the NGD board.
 
I'll open this thread with the funny baby.

Re: Longest Running Thread EVER
 

Re: Musings on Random Musings
 

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...
 
Backstory:
at the game I run, the team Mentalist, Foxfire, is Hunted by PSI and Stalked by Menton (She's a mentalist with 20 com, he wants her to be his wife-without him taking over her mind.)
2 sessions ago, The team had a run in with part of PSI. Mindslayer and Torment were cptured. (A mentalist and an Android on the team helps)
At the end of last session, the Mnetalist got home to find a message from the Psyciatric Ward the two were being held at. (The mentalist thought the two had been brainwashed. So they had been put there, not prison) The message said that they had been released and the charges dropped, JUST LIKE SHE ASKED. (she hadn't)
Foxfire called the police and asked if they had ordered the release. They hadn't. As she is explaining what is happening to the Sgt. on the phone, Mindslayer turns herself in. She doesn't know WHY she has to turn her self in, but she knows she has commited these crimes and should be arrested.
An envelope is dropped thru Foxfire's mail slot. SHE CALLS The Entire Team OVer, before she opens the letter.
Letter:
My Dear,
Anything that puts a crimp in PSI's plans s more than welcome by me. So I thought I would help you out.
Alejandro Meddinni (I'm going by memory so it is spelled wrong)
 
Player: (looks at me) I Hate You!

Re: Longest Running Thread EVER
 
Edit: Okay, I managed to fill every line, but goodness knows I'm open to suggestions for improvement!
 
 
Welcome to the Forum NGD
 
Welcome to the Forum NGD
Such a lovely board
Find a common chord
Plenty of threads at the Forum NGD
Any time of year, you can find them here
 
'Bec's mind is totally twisted, Hermit's got the funny polls
Pup's got a lot of pretty, pretty pics, daily is his goal
How they post in the forums, argue and fret.
Some post to remember, some post to forget
 
So I called up Ben Seeman,
'Where's negative rep?'
He said, 'we haven't had that option here since before your first step'
And still that keyboard is calling from far away,
Wake you up in the middle of the night
Just to post and say...
 
Welcome to the Forum NGD
Such a lovely board
Find a common chord
They're flamin’ it big at the Forum NGD
With the grand designs, bring your party lines!
 
Flamers on the forums,
The trolls posting twice
And Alice said 'we are all just posters here, because we have no life'
And in the GM’s chat room,
They gathered for the game
They shake and roll their ivory dice,
But they just can’t dodge the blame
 
Last thing I remember, I was
Searching -- such a chore!
I had to find the linkage back
To the thread I had before
’relax,’ said Dan Simon,
We are programmed to receive.
You can logout any time you like,
But you can never leave!

Re: Longest Running Thread EVER
 

Thanks.

Re: Longest Running Thread EVER
 
it's at Men can Multitask
 
And I haven't even looked at it myself