Pariah Posted March 13, 2014 Report Share Posted March 13, 2014 A: If it was good enough for John Hancock, it's good enough for me! Q - Why do you write everything in a super-large font? A - I would not wish that on my worst enemy, Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted March 13, 2014 Report Share Posted March 13, 2014 A - I would not wish that on my worst enemy, Q: A molten cesium enema? A: It goes well with the hydrofluoric acid eye wash. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Asperion Posted March 13, 2014 Report Share Posted March 13, 2014 A: It goes well with the hydrofluoric acid eye wash. Q: Has anyone seen my skull? A: Hades blessed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted March 14, 2014 Report Share Posted March 14, 2014 A: Hades blessed. Q: Your halo is red, flaming and smells like sulphur. Why should I believe you're a saint? A: Business! Business! Numbers! This is working! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BlueCloud2k2 Posted March 14, 2014 Report Share Posted March 14, 2014 Q: Why is our aggressive marketing strategy still leaving us in the red? A: Two words - Scarlet Johansson. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted March 14, 2014 Report Share Posted March 14, 2014 A: Two words - Scarlet Johansson. Q: Tell me, young man, what you mean when you say you want to be in the red? A: I suppose that's better than Jack Black. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted March 14, 2014 Report Share Posted March 14, 2014 A: I suppose that's better than Jack Black. Q - Ben Affleck as Batman? Seriously? A - Burn, Scarecrow. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Asperion Posted March 14, 2014 Report Share Posted March 14, 2014 A - Burn, Scarecrow. Q: Why are you taking that flamethrower into the cornfield? A: I am happy in my insanity. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted March 14, 2014 Report Share Posted March 14, 2014 A: I am happy in my insanity. Q: You sacrificed your cat and all her kittens to Nyarlyahotep in an especially cruel and vicious manner, so what gives you the right to be so bloody cheerful? A: Forget it, Emmett. It's Cloud Cuckoo Land. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BlueCloud2k2 Posted March 15, 2014 Report Share Posted March 15, 2014 Q: Where the heck am I and how do I escape? A: Push the button, the world ends, and we can all go home happy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted March 15, 2014 Report Share Posted March 15, 2014 A: Push the button, the world ends, and we can all go home happy. Q - What's a satisfying day's work for a Vogon? A - I'll take a triple. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BlueCloud2k2 Posted March 16, 2014 Report Share Posted March 16, 2014 Q: You can have Jack Daniels or Jack Daniels. We don't do no frilly-frou-frou drinks here! So, what will it be? A: There is not enough brain bleach in the world to get that image out of my head. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted March 16, 2014 Report Share Posted March 16, 2014 A: There is not enough brain bleach in the world to get that image out of my head. Q: Like this picture of six different Pokemon doing interesting things I found on alt.sex.cthulhu back when Usenet was still a thing? A: The structural problems involved with building skyscrapers out of gingerbread apparently failed to occur to you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted March 16, 2014 Report Share Posted March 16, 2014 A: The structural problems involved with building skyscrapers out of gingerbread apparently failed to occur to you. Q: The pigeons have eaten my high-rise? How did this happen? HOW?!?!?? A: It is NOT TRUE that cartoon is to car as spitoon is to spit. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted March 16, 2014 Report Share Posted March 16, 2014 A: It is NOT TRUE that cartoon is to car as spitoon is to spit. Q: Why can't I find a comic book as big as a garage? I need one! A: We catch fish! We shoot bucks! We raise chickens, cows and ducks! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BlueCloud2k2 Posted March 17, 2014 Report Share Posted March 17, 2014 Q: How do you Survivalists whack-jobs feed yourselves? A: I still think they should have gotten Tim Curry to Voice Mechanon. Though that just put the image of Mech in drag singing "Sweet Transvestite" in my brain. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted March 17, 2014 Report Share Posted March 17, 2014 Q: Tell me again what you said to Doctor Schwartz that made him run down the hall screaming, "He's f***ing nuts and I fear it's communicable!" A: In his defense, he never had sex with cashews. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BlueCloud2k2 Posted March 17, 2014 Report Share Posted March 17, 2014 Q: What's wrong with Jonny Cash this time? A: Look out! Here comes the Spider-Man! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted March 17, 2014 Report Share Posted March 17, 2014 A: Look out! Here comes the Spider-Man! Q: I'm having a lot of fun at this Fruit Fly Fan convention. Can anything spoil it? A: Fruit flies like an arrow. Time flies like a banana. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BlueCloud2k2 Posted March 17, 2014 Report Share Posted March 17, 2014 Q: How does one catch an insect made out of the time vortex? A: It looks like it was Bob's turn to buy lunch. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted March 17, 2014 Report Share Posted March 17, 2014 A: It looks like it was Bob's turn to buy lunch. Q - Bob was taken hostage when Professor Muerte took over the sandwich shop? A - Honestly, I had no idea he was even still around. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted March 18, 2014 Report Share Posted March 18, 2014 A - Honestly, I had no idea he was even still around. Q: We're Meet the ****ing Press! We shouldn't have to settle for Joe Biden as a guest! A: WILL YOU PLEASE STOP SCREAMING! Thank you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BlueCloud2k2 Posted March 18, 2014 Report Share Posted March 18, 2014 Q: WHERE ARE MY PANTS? WHO STOLE MY F***ING PANTS? A: There are some days it just doesn't pay to get out of bed. And this is one of them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted March 18, 2014 Report Share Posted March 18, 2014 A: There are some days it just doesn't pay to get out of bed. And this is one of them. Q: Welcome to Dozing For Dollars, the game where the more you sleep, the bigger the jackpot! A: Sadly, some people seem to think that's what lecture is for. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted March 18, 2014 Report Share Posted March 18, 2014 A: Sadly, some people seem to think that's what lecture is for. Q: Would you mind not waking me up? I have a terrible hangover from last night's kegger. A: A "Yes" vote counts as yes. A "No" vote counts as yes. Not voting at all counts as yes. Being dead for the last ten years counts as yes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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