BlueCloud2k2

The shadowrunners were an ork/troll group. Against stereotype, they specialized in stealth, subtlety, bluff, illusion, deception and misdirection.
 
Dent: ork, rat shaman
No-Step: ork, snake shaman, healer
Byte Force: ork, decker, chemist
Eye Spy: ork, rigger, drones, paramedic
Audacity Jane: ork, combat, stealth, security systems
Happy Jack: troll, combat, disguise, negotiator
Goldi (NPC): the local Director of Tourism ... and secretly the Baron's Chief of Intelligence
 
The Adventures of Baron Munchmaussen - A Trip to the Local Library
This was the same adventure previously described by Drhoz (here and here).
 
The team had been hired to steal a rare book from Baron Munchmaussen.
 
Discussing infiltration plans:
Byte Force's ability to spoof security cameras was critical to the plan. However, in order to do it effectively, he would need to coordinate with the team members infiltrating the castle.
 
Byte Force: "I don't think Jack can bluff his way through the tram's security. There are only two trolls in the castle, the Baron and one guard. Neither of them has come down to the village since we arrived."
Audacity Jane: "We really need Jack's headware up there, so we can have secure communication with you."
Dent: "How do you expect to sneak his lard butt around a castle?"
Audacity Jane: "That's easy. You're the one who uses magick. I intend to tell you to figure out a way."
 
Happy Jack: "Even if I'm sneaking into the castle using stealth, I would still like to disguise myself as the Baron, just in case I'm spotted inside."
No-Step: "I'm sure everyone in the castle knows the Baron well. Your disguise won't fool them for long."
Happy Jack: "It should make them hesitate for a few seconds ... and I've seen what Jane can do to someone in just a few seconds."
 
The plan was fairly simple:
Dent would make himself invisible, then ride to the castle on top of the cable car.
Once there, Dent would hide in one of the unused towers until night came.
No-Step would cover for Dent's absence by putting in several appearances as Dent during the afternoon.
Since Goldi was the only person capable of detecting Dent's invisibility or No-Step's illusion, Jack would divert her if it seemed likely that she would encounter either one.
After dark, Dent would secure a rope to the tower crenelation, then lower a rope down the cliff face below.
Using the rope and climbing gear, Jane and Jack would scale the cliff face and the castle wall.
Byte Force would use the security cameras in the castle and main keep to track the movements of the guards.
Byte Force would also selectively use video looping to prevent the cameras from seeing Dent, Jack and Jane.
The infiltration trio would use the grapple gun to scale the outside of the keep, then enter through the window of the library.
If someone was encountered, the infiltration team would use tasers, silenced SMGs, magick and melee to quietly deal with them.
The team would exfiltrate by using the rope down the side of the cliff.
The rope would be destroyed behind them, concealing the method of entry/egress.
If the castle became alerted to the presence of the infiltrators, No-Step and Eye Spy would use illusions and missile fire to distract the castle guards.
 
Happy Jack seemed to enjoy diverting Goldi.
 
Happy Jack: (approaching Goldi as she left her office) "Goldi! Could you help settle a bet I have with one of my friends."
Goldi: (cautiously) "Maybe."
Happy Jack: "Was the hamburger invented in Hamburg?"
Goldi: "No."
Happy Jack: "Are you sure?"
Goldi: "Yes."
Happy Jack: "DAMMIT ... um ... I mean, thanks for the information."
Goldi: "Is that all?"
Happy Jack: "Yes." (pause) "Hey! If you're leaving work, come have a beer or two with me."
Goldi: (turning slightly green) "Actually, I have an important call that I have to make right now."
Goldi quickly retreated back into her office.
 
Later that night, while Jack and Jane were waiting for Dent to lower the rope...
 
Happy Jack: (checking his watch) "It's time for me to convince Goldi we're not worth watching tonight."
Audacity Jane: "How do you plan to do that?"
Happy Jack dialed Goldi's number.
Goldi: "Hallo."
Happy Jack: (slurring his words slightly) "Hi Goldi. Do you know the waitress at the bierhall? The brunette with the two braids?"
Goldi: (sighing) "I know her. Why?"
Happy Jack: "Do you know if she has a fetish for trolls?"
Goldi: (icily) "Probably not."
Happy Jack: "Oh." (long pause) "My friend has a question. Does she have a fetish for orks?"
Goldi: [click]
Happy Jack: "Hello? Hello?"
Audacity Jane: "You have such a way with women."
Happy Jack: "It's a gift."
 
Things went according to plan until the team found the book in the library.
 
Audacity Jane: "This isn't the right book. It's a fake. It doesn't have the engraved cover."
Happy Jack: "He put the fake where thieves would expect to find it. The real one must be secured somewhere else."
Dent: "I know the fastest way to find the real one."
Happy Jack: "And that is...."
Dent: "The Baron's bedroom is just down the hall. I bet he knows where it is."
 
The Baron was a light sleeper ... until he was tasered, koshed and tranqued. He slept more soundly after that.
 
Dent: "The book is on his bedside table."
Audacity Jane: "That was easier to retrieve than I expected."
 
Dent's Mind Probe turned up some other interesting information.
 
Dent: "He didn't get a good look at us when we entered the room, but he thinks we're assassins sent to kill him."
Audacity Jane: "Then he'll be pleasantly surprised when he wakes up tomorrow morning."
 
Dent: "The maglock key around his neck is his secret escape route. There's a helicopter in a room upstairs. He can open the roof, raise a platform, and fly it out of here. We could use the helicopter to fly all the way back to Berlin!"
Audacity Jane: "Great plan ... except half of our team is still down in the valley ... including the pilot."
Happy Jack: "What kind of helicopter is it?"
Dent: "A high-end luxury one. Why?"
Happy Jack: "If it has a good enough autopilot, the helicopter can fly itself out of here. If it does that, everyone is going to assume that we, and the book, are on board."
 
No-Step and Eye Spy returned to Byte Force's room in order to facilitate secure communication between the two halves of the team.
 
Happy Jack: "Eye Spy, the Baron has a Hughes Airstar. If Byte Force gives you a route, can you you tell us how to program the autopilot to follow it?"
Eye Spy: "Of course."
Byte Force: "I don't have a route, though."
Happy Jack: "Find a route from the roof of the Keep to the middle of the Rhine-Ruhr toxic zone. I want the flight to buzz Graf Eisenstein's castle on the way there."
Byte Force: "Okay. Why?"
Happy Jack: "Munchmaussen has been shooting down Eisenstein's drones every week. Graf Eisenstein might want to return the favor with Munchmaussen's helicopter. I'm also fairly certain Munchmaussen won't be given permission to examine the wreckage."
Byte Force: "That's easy enough."
Happy Jack: "And have the route avoid passing over Munchmaussen valley. The Baron's SAM systems may be automated, and I don't want flaming wreckage to land on my head."
Byte Force: "I'll have it in one minute."
Happy Jack: "Eye Spy, we'll need the autopilot to be set on a timed delay. I want to be down in the valley before it goes tearing out of here."
Eye Spy: "Ooookay."
Happy Jack: "No-Step, I need you to cast and maintain an illusion covering the northwest side of the Keep's roof."
No-Step: "An illusion of what?"
Happy Jack: "An illusion of the roof. That's where the helicopter is going to be."
 
The Baron (presumably) woke the next morning to find the book missing, a metal briefcase in its place, the perpetrators gone, and his helicopter long gone.
 
Dent: "After what we did to him, he's going to wake up with the mother of all headaches."
Eye Spy: "Maybe the briefcase was full of Exedrin."

The shadowrunners were an ork/troll group. Against stereotype, they specialized in stealth, subtlety, bluff, illusion, deception and misdirection.
 
Dent: ork, rat shaman
No-Step: ork, snake shaman, healer
Byte Force: ork, decker, chemist
Eye Spy: ork, rigger, drones, paramedic
Audacity Jane: ork, combat, stealth, security systems
Happy Jack: troll, combat, disguise, negotiator
Goldi (NPC): the local Director of Tourism ... and secretly Baron Munchmaussen's Chief of Intelligence
 
The Adventures of Baron Munchmaussen - Learning the Lay of the Land
This was the same adventure previously described by Drhoz (here and here).
 
The team had been hired to steal a rare book from Baron Munchmaussen.
 
Upon arriving at the village, the train was met by the local Director of Tourism. She immediately started pumping the team for information. Happy Jack (expecting more use of the Analyze Truth spell) defused the questions in his normal manner ... he gave answers that were true, but contained no useful information.
 
Goldi: "What do you do for a living?"
Happy Jack: "I'm a negotiator. I ensure my clients get the best possible prices for their goods and services while paying the lowest possible prices to their suppliers."
Goldi: "I didn't realize that there were people who did that."
Happy Jack: "Of course there are. Do you know the hard part about hiring a negotiator?"
Goldi: "What?"
Happy Jack: "You have to negotiate his salary without the benefit of his expertise."
 
Jack also asked lots of questions.
 
Happy Jack: (seeing the castle for the first time) "The castle looks like a Disney castle."
Goldi: (drily) "I suppose it does."
Happy Jack: "Did the Baron build it to look like a Disney castle?"
 
Jack and Goldi chatted non-stop until she dropped them off at their hostel.
 
Byte Force: (quietly, before they entered the hostel) "You're being very friendly with the local [air quotes] tour guide. You even got her phone number."
Happy Jack: "I'm not being friendly. I'm being 'that guy.' The ignorant tourist who's completely in love with the sound of his own voice. By the time our trip is over, I want her to dread seeing me or hearing from me."
Dent: "Just act like you normally do. I feel that way about you already."
 
Byte Force rigged the camera in the hostel room so it showed a video loop of the team taking a nap. With that cover in place, the team unpacked the gear that Ms. Johnson sent. Obviously, they had some critiques.
 
Happy Jack: "For snowsuits we have a choice of dark blue, dark green and dark brown. Is she completely unfamiliar with the concept of camouflage?"
Byte Force: "Those colors blend in very well at night."
Audacity Jane: "Not against snow."
 
Eye Spy: "Six pairs of low-light goggles. Useless. Is there anyone here that can't already see in the dark?"
 
Byte Force: "There's no crypto-circuit or scrambling on the micro-transceivers. If we use these, we'll be broadcasting everything we say to the local security."
No-Step: "You're sure they're monitoring every radio channel?"
Byte Force: "They have spy cams in every room, so I'm going to assume they are."
 
Eye Spy: "No vehicles. No drones. Lovely. There's absolutely nothing for me to do on this mission."
Happy Jack: (handing Eye Spy the missile launcher) "You use heavy weapons. You're 'Plan C'."
Eye Spy: "Normally the weapons are mounted on vehicles."
Dent: "I can steal a car and a roll of duct tape."
 
The team's first stroll through the village was interrupted by an explosion overhead ... as a SAM fired from the castle blew up a drone.
 
Villager: (explaining the noise) "Every week, Graf Eisenstein sends a spy drone, and Graf Munchmaussen always shoots it down. Our Baron is paranoid about the skies."
Eye Spy: "And apparently they can both afford to blow up a few thousand nuyen each week, just to make a point."
 
Planning in a heavily monitored environment became its own challenge.
 
Audacity Jane: "When and how are we going to do our planning? We're going to be watched anyplace we go in town."
Byte Force: "We could use the snowshoes and go for a hike in the woods. I saw no evidence that the woods are monitored."
No-Step: (staring at Byte Force) "Did you actually suggest that we go outside and take a walk? In nature?"
Byte Force: "Yes ... but only out of desperation."
 
Securing communications posed an even bigger problem.
 
Happy Jack: "I keep telling you, I shouldn't be the only person with an internal commlink. If just one other person had one, we could have a secure line of communication."
Byte Force: "I should be able to wire a micro-transceiver to my cyberdeck. That will allow me to run it through an encryption program. That way the two of us can talk to each other securely."
Dent: "No-Step and I can use watcher spirits to send messages to each other."
No-Step: "We'll have to be careful about that. If a spirit shows up at the wrong time, we'll blow each other's cover."
 
Happy Jack: "We can pass some messages using code words."
Dent: "Aren't you the one who claims those are only used by amateurs?"
Happy Jack: "That's because they use code words that sound like code words. Real code words sound innocuous."
 
Happy Jack: "If we absolutely need to send a message in the open, Eye Spy, Byte Force, Jane and I can use these linguasofts. They may eventually figure out what we've said, but it will buy us some time."
Audacity Jane: "These linguasofts make us speak in code?"
Happy Jack: "No. They allow us to speak Tagalog ... and on this side of the world, that might as well be in code."
 
Happy Jack planned to seduce one of the ork servants working for the Baron, then drug her, allowing Dent to Mind Probe her for details about the castle. Dent remained skeptical of the plan.
 
Dent: "What makes you think you can seduce anyone? Last time I looked, you were really ugly."
No-Step: "You're forgetting something. Jack was also really ugly the first time you looked. He's very consistent that way."
Happy Jack: "I have two secret weapons. First, the Baron keeps detailed files on each of his employees. Not only do they tell me which servants are security risks, but they also describe their personal weaknesses."
Dent: "So you can find someone who's easy. Big deal. There's a difference between 'easy' and 'blind'."
Happy Jack: "And I also got some new bioware last month ... cultured tailored pheremones."
 
Dent's Mind Probe, combined with the castle's security camera footage, provided an excellent map of the castle's interior. Unfortunately, Goldi realized that Happy Jack had spent the night with a castle servant ... which made the Baron's spy very suspicious.
 
Happy Jack, noticing Goldi's interest in him, decided to defuse her interest in him.
 
Happy Jack: "Goldi! I'm on my way to the bierhall. Come have a drink with me!"
 
Goldi, being a skilled operative, joined Jack and dropped subtle hints that she might have information about the castle. Happy Jack chose to deflect her subtlety with complete and unmitigated obtuseness.
 
Goldi: "The castle isn't open to visitors, but I go there once a week to meet with some of the bureaucrats."
Happy Jack: "Is there a dragon in the castle?"
Goldi: "A dragon? Why would there be a dragon in the castle?"
Happy Jack: "Well, if the Baron lived in a castle -and- rode a dragon, that would make him the most AWESOME troll ever."
Goldi: "..."
Happy Jack: "Do they sell dragons around here?"
 
After the trip to the bierhall had ended...
 
Audacity Jane: "You just spent all afternoon drinking and BSing with a spy. Do you think you actually accomplished anything?"
Happy Jack: "I think I achieved my goal, and kept Goldi from achieving hers."
Audacity Jane: "Her goal was to get you to say something incriminating."
Happy Jack: "Not quite. Her goal was to get me drunk enough that I would slip up and say something incriminating."
Audacity Jane: "You have the same full-spectrum immunization that I do. You can't get drunk."
Happy Jack: "I may have neglected to mention that to her."
Audacity Jane: "What were you trying to accomplish?"
Happy Jack: "I was trying to convince her to keep up with me, beer for beer."
Audacity Jane: "She couldn't be that stupid."
Happy Jack: "Not quite. She started out having one beer to every four of mine, then one for every three."
Audacity Jane: "How long did that last?"
Happy Jack: "Until she passed out. She's going to have one hell of a hangover tomorrow."

The Game: Monster Hunter International
 
The Game Operations Director: My long-suffering friend Mike
 
So far the characters are
 
Titania "Call Me Fiona" Melungeon, my character, a basketball playing  computer hacking female Troll
 
Kylie "Don't call me Crocodile Dundee!," a young woman from Australia here on the Monster Hunter's Exchange Program, with a boomerang enchanted by an Aboriginal shaman as thanks for saving some of the tribe's children from were-dingoes. 
 
John Lee Pettimore III, the hillbilly army veteran from the song "Copperhead Road" who inherited the family business of moonshining and branched out into more profitable prohibited substances. We took the write up from Surbrook's Stuff and expanded it.
 
And then there's Don Gunn, the guy giving us our marching orders and Mike's "GMPC" who runs Don Gunn's Guns. He's not in it to make money - he just LOOOOOVES to sell guns. If you're not from around here (we're in Indianapolis) don't worry about not getting that, it's an inside joke.
 
 
When last I posted about the lazy Trollop Titania, she was taking a nap. Upon awakening, she checks email.
 
Titania: Something from some Nigerian prince. Someone selling Viagra. Ha, if some guy's with me he shouldn't need that stuff. Someone peddling canned pork processed food product, that's just spam. No one ordering giant Australian hunting spider repellent?
 
We get dispatched to the next outbreak, and find an MCB liason as well as the facility manager waiting outside.
 
Note for the uninitiated: In Monster Hunter International, the MCB is the Monster Control Bureau, a super-secret government agency that licenses and regulates monster bounty hunters, and insists on keeping the public at large completely ignorant of the existence of monsters. After we bag up the bodies of monsters (we need the remains to claim the bounty later) the MCB comes in and cleans up, disposes of the bodies of innocent victims, etc.
 
Bill, the one playing John Lee Pettimore, asks if one of those "butt can" ashtrays is around outside. There is. Then he asks the local liason where the nearest janitor's closet to the entrance is, and gets directions. We're all mystified. He says "I have a plan, but I can't do it if that MCB guy is watching.
 
Titania tells the facility official to go talk to the MCB representative about the compensation the government owes his organization for this incident, he really needs to start right now if he wants to file a claim, etc - so as to get both of them distracted.
 
Mike: Roll it, you have +3 because you're telling him what he wants to hear.
 
Titania, OoC after making the roll: Ok, that should keep them busy but he hates me now.
Mike: Oh?
Titania: Yeah, remember, I bought Persuasion with a Limitation, so I convince people that what I'm saying makes sense, but I alienate them in the process. So it was probably something like, Look you idiot, you need to go talk to the man about filing a claim for compensation, unless you're as dumb as you are ugly you'll insist on him getting the forms out right now, the longer you delay the more chance you'll lose out like a chump, etc.
 
So we go in. It's dark and we make our way by flashlight towards the janitor's closet so John Lee can get the broom for whatever his big plan is. Then Kylie's Danger Sense goes off.
 
Kylie: Wait, something's wrong.
Titania: Shh. Listen.
 
We don't hear any skittering - I was expecting they might be in the closet. Then I look up.
 
Mike: Three spiders are dangling on threads from the ceiling overhead.
 
After ascertaining that they are dangling low enough to reach with a leap, Titania jumps and Grabs. The spider Grabs back. Titania fails, spider succeeds, both fall to the floor. John Lee makes a Fast Draw roll, and Kylie Dodges that first phase.
 
Without Kylie's Danger Sense, we'd probably have all been bitten.
 
While the other two are unloading firearms at point blank, I make my second grab roll and announce Titania is grabbing the head so it can't bite. The spider wraps its center two pairs of legs around Titania, hugging her to the underside of its abdomen, and rushes off on its other four legs. At least it's not running up the wall.
 
Kylie OoC: I don't want to hit you by accident.
Titania OoC: You'll only have a chance to hit me if you miss the spider. It's at half DCV for the grab. And remember, I can Regenerate.
 
Kylie opens fire and blows the thing away.
 
And that's where we left it. It only occurred to me afterwards that we should all have been penalized for fighting in the dark (Titania was carrying the flashlight, and had to have dropped it to make that Leap and Grab.) Next session, I'll see about restoring the lights (how did giant spiders cause a power outage anyway/)
 
Lucius Alexander
 
The palindromedary suspects the spiders can see in the dark.

Shadowrun : Paradise Lost
September 2052 - The party have decided to take a sudden holiday. True, Renraku corporation might think we're dead, what with the nuke and all, but a low profile might be a good idea. So we'll be lounging around on a beach in Hawaii until the Red Samurai watching our apartments get bored and go home.

It's certainly more pleasant than hiding in Seattle and hiding in cheap dives with cheaper beer.

Greenlight: Cheap beer? I hang out at Panzerwaffle! F**k your cheap beer!
Inkubus: I got banned from Panzerwaffle, becase of the hourly weapons check. Personally, I think they're jealous. It's not my fault my d*ck is the best weapon the party has.

Inkubus: *escorted from Panzerwaffle, shirtless, between two trolls, singing* I'm, too sexy, for my shirt, too sexy for my shirt....

And a completely out of context quote from the troll.

Titus: Just because I bought more warehouse space is not an excuse for people to fill it with elephants.

But we won't be using our own boat - Renraku will probably be looking for it, too. So it's disguise, false Ids, and flying to the island kingdom on a newly acquired plane.

Felix: If we ever get a zeppelin I expect at some point to cry "Oh the metahumanity!'

And as we enjoy ourselves the Renraku operatives watch from the empty buildings opposite our empty homes.

Renraku Agent One: You'll never see the dwarf.
Renraku Agent Two: Why?
One: He's a sniper.
Two: Oh. Well that's not too bad.
One: And you'll never see the human.
Two: Why?
One: They're a master of disguise. They could be anybody. That's why we're not wearing masks.

And the empty pot noodle containers start piling up.

Two: What's that smell?
One: Oh, I needed the containers. For something.
Two: Dude! We HAVE a toilet!

September is the least popular time to visit Hawaii, thanks to the temperature.

Felix: At least the hotel rooms are cheap.

Felix: So have any of islands been set up as Jurassic Park yet?
Greenlight: Don't tempt me.

Inkubus has all sorts of improvements planned for his plane.

Inkubus: I want it to be my Love Castle in the Sky.

Inkubus: I used to be a air chauffeur, but I had to get out of the business.
Felix: So when was the first time you fucked someone while flying a plane?
Inkubus: *thinks* Well. ... no, she was earlier... after... Oh right - my flight instructor, first time out.

GM: There's something weird about Hawaii - there's sunlight.
Felix: The Daystar! It burns!
Inkubus: The sky! It's blue! I know they told us to colour it like that when we were kids, but...
Felix: You thought it was artistic license?

Felix: What are those berries Pele likes? We probably want to stay on the right side of the local fire goddess while we're here.
Inkubus: Are you sure you want to take the risk of ME possibly coming into contact with the local goddess?
Titus: *has panic attack*

We enjoy the good life and sunburn for a few days.

Felix: Coming out of tourist shops with armfuls of stuff.
Inkubus: You do - I come out with armfuls of the local girls.

One evening, enjoying the entertainment and open bar at the Kona Kalaa Luau, we're interrupted by an elven woman running across the dining area pursued by three humans and an ork. She drops a parcel on Greenlight en route - who dodges, fearing C.O.D deliveries of grenades from Renraku.

Felix: Unusual sort of cabaret they have in these places *sips from pineapple*

It's a job offer, from somebody who knows our rep. Although the messenger apparently needs our help. Titus picks up the two mages and we set off in pursuit.

Inkubus: Wait, I'm being given permission to chase after a tall Elven girl? *pursues, tongue lolling*

Inkubus: Do we ever do any actual work on one of our jobs?
Felix: We're not that Ork Underground team.
Greenlight: It's been two days, I'm tired of holidays! I never knew I was such a workaholic.
Inkubus: I'm not sure I ever could be debauched out. When i think i've plumbed the depths I break through and find even more.

Inkubus: You've given me an idea for my next holiday - two weeks, and fourteen doses of that amnesia drug.
Greenlight: He calls it the Jason Bourne package. We wipe his memory, drop him somewhere in the Middle East, and when he figures out who he is he comes home.

Pursuing the group down the street -

Felix: We didn't pay our bill
Titus: It was a banquet - we paid on the way in.
Felix: Good point.
Greenlight: Frankly I think we were the ones that got ripped off.

Greenlight and Titus (despite the additional load) easily overtake the group. Titus intends to pick up the elf as we do so.

Inkubus: Charging Mah LAZEEERRRRRRR!
Greenlight: You should yell to the humans as you overtake 'You do realise I'm carrying two mages, right?'
Felix: Do we need to start singing the Katamari Damacy theme at this point? If you're collecting everything we run over?

Titus stops dead.

Felix: And does the ork manage to stop?
Inkubus: One way or the other he will be.

The pursuers pause to econsider their careers, and actually leave.

Greenlight: 'My subordinates are getting shock batons to the groin - I'm out'
Inkubus: Don't knock it til you've tried it.
Greenlight: 'I'm going back to surfing'

Serena, the elf, thanks us for rescuing us from the 'discipline team' sent to chastise her for accepting the courier job. Her gang patch is 'Haoles Don't Surf'.

Inkubus: I'm trying to think what gave us away as Shadowrunners - I think it's the way that whenever we entered a room we checked all the corners.

Greenlight: You ever had the feeling you want something, but don't know what it is? I think I want a holiday...
Inkubus: But you don't know how to have one?

Greenlight: *sighs* Let's go have our holiday.
Inkubus: A working holiday. Defined as 'working in a holiday setting'

La Maison D'Indochine is a very high-end and elegant restaurant. Just as well we packed our best suits.

Titus: We do tend to do the high-paying jobs. Sometimes because they're bullshit difficult, and the rest of the time it's for dragons who have to pay extra before anybody will agree to work for them.

Felix: The string quartet are playing Pachelbel's Canon, and the cellist has this expression ಠ_ಠ
Inkubus: D, A, B, F Sharp, G, D, G, A
Greenlight: What?
Inkubus: Cellist's part. Repeat indefinitely.
Greenlight: Oh, I thought you were trying to learn the alphabet.

The Johnson is a woman in her mid-30s, exuding an air of innocence.

Inkubus: An air of niceness so complete it makes the idea of violence against her seem-
Titus: Entertaining?

Felix: Before we accept the job how did you know we were here? That sort of operational leak is of concern to us.
Inkubus: We're supposed to be on holiday... Actually all it takes is one guy to recognise us.
Felix: 'Hey, it's that guy that had the Renraku heads!'
Inkubus: *wince* and the shiteating grin.
Renraku Underling: Sir, we have found-
Frothing Renraku Exec: Silence! We will find them with spies!
Renraku: But sir, he is trending on Facebook!

The job is to investigate the theft of a product known as an "AFD". to develop it, the Johnson's client company entered into a joint venture with a company called 2M to develop it. Two weeks earlier, the client company and 2M met at the latter's corporate offices in Honolulu, when an assault team showed up, stole the prototypes and files, and assassinated everyone present. We need to investigate the theft, find the culprit, and retrieve the prototypes.

And 2M's Head of Security is a Feathered Dragon.

Felix: Another f**king dragon????

Off to the skyraker where the attack happened.

Greenlight: All this talk of the 34th floor means I'm going to throw somebody out the window. If I can.

Inkubus: I'm going back to the elevator and squeezing the rest of my...
Felix: Lube?
Inkubus: Sunscreen, over the floor. Just in case there's a security team coming up after us.

There's a thumb-scan lock on one of the doors. So we make a Titus-shaped hole in the wall. Felix hears something move in one of the other offices.

Felix: What was that noise? No, the other noise.

It's a nervous guy with a gun. Greenlight appears a foot away.

Greenlight: Hi.
Nervous Guy: Fuck! Hands up! Where I can see them!
Inkubus: *snickers* Sure. Not a problem. Orgasm.
Greenlight: Is that wise when he's holding a gun on us?
Felix: He shoots. Twice.

Nervous Guy was already logged into the computers - helpful. He's the Vice-president of Accounts Management.

Greenlight: An Ares Predator for self-defence, at the Office? I can't imagine why. *sarcasm off*
Felix: Were you here during the attack?
Inkubus: He's alive, of course he wasn't.
Felix: Good point. WHY weren't you present?

Then Titus accidentally sets off the alarm. Just before the strike team open the elevator door, startling everybody including them. And as they rush in, they hit the sunscreen on the floor and go arse-over-tits.

Inkubus: You know what we call this sort of situation? Stunball practise. I'm just glad it's not a septuagenarian nightwatchman. 'Argh, my hip!'

Greenlight effortlessly picks them all off with gel rounds. None of them are wearing uniforms, but it’s possible they're the replacements for the murdered security. On the other hand, at least one of them was a shaman, and another suspiciously unarmed.
Our new captives include one Mark, the President of Accounts.

Inkubus: This is sad - these guys thought they were shadowrunners. Hey, Mark, were you diddling the company? Mindprobe.

Greenlight: I wonder if their street samurai is just a guy with a plastic arm.
Felix: Winter Soldier cosplayer.

Mark IS working with Aloha, a Hawaiian terrorist organisation – those AREN’T the new security team he’s with. They were after the AFD - the Anti-Flatline Device, a biofeedback filter first devised by Mary Falls Inc in Seattle. Possibly the first ever built. But he doesn't know who raided 2M, apart from the fact it wasn't Aloha, but Aloha somehow ended up with the info anyway. And then they heard the woman in charge of the project may have extra files hidden at one of the company labs, and came to find out which lab. Good news for Nervous Guy - he can pretend he caught the terrorists and company traitor on the condition he lets us finish poking around inside the company servers.

Inkubus: Congratulations on your promotion.

And now WE know where the extra files are, and where Aloha hide out. Greenlight writes FAIL on their chests, one letter for each.

Terrorists: F, A... oh you d*ck!

Oh, and our Johnson IS Mary Falls. Inkubus figures out what happened - 2M realised how valuable the AFD is, and staged an attack on their own offices and lab so they could steal the data and run off with it without being under suspicion. 2M tried to incriminate Aloha, not knowing their own President of Accounts was already associated with Aloha.

Greenlight: 'And we would have got away with it too'
Inkubus: 'If it wasn't for you meddling Shadowrunners.'

And then Mary Fall hired us personally.

Mary: I want the best team you have. Money is no object.
Fixer: Er... are you willing to pay 3 or 4 million?
Mary: OK, money is an object.
Fixer: But if you want a team that will change the parameters of the mission halfway through - TO YOUR BENEFIT - then you should still hire them.

Johnson: I hired Them.
Exec: Them? Them who?
Johnson: THEM.
Exec: Oh, THEM.

Inkubus: I think they were close to perfecting the AFD. That's when I'd scrag my own research team if I was a total amoral bastard.
Felix: Like a dragon.

Indeed, it seems likely this was 2M's Head of Security that came up with this plan.

Titus: Dragon's have achieved perfect self-awareness.
Inkubus: 'I'm a dick... and I'm OK with that. Sometimes the world needs a good d*cking.'
Felix: Well, you should know.

Mary Falls is quite startled by our report, and that we figured out who she is and what the AFD is.

Greenlight: Isn't this exactly like all your other relationships with woman? They're dumbfounded but impressed with your efficiency.

Next week! Off to Molokai and Waimea!

And then there's Don Gunn, the guy giving us our marching orders and Mike's "GMPC" who runs Don Gunn's Guns. He's not in it to make money - he just LOOOOOVES to sell guns. If you're not from around here (we're in Indianapolis) don't worry about not getting that, it's an inside joke.
 
I showed Mike the Base Template in Hero Designer, and he went a little nuts designing Don's eponymous emporium. I don't know what the walls are made of, but they have DEF and BOD scores I'd expect from bank vaults or main battle tanks. Speaking of tanks, there's a tank on the extensive grounds, of a type Mike went out of his way to state that no one would recognize.
 
Titania the Trollop: Are we going to get driving lessons for this thing?
Don: No, you are not getting driving lessons for this tank.
Titania: So it drives itself? Cool!
 
 
Don ("Big Boomstick" to Titania) doesn't know it yet, but Titania is going to hang a basketball hoop on that tank's gun to have a place to practice.
 
Speaking of practice we all got a little target practice on Don's Gun Range, once we argued him into letting us have the ammunition and charging it back to MHI as a training expense. Between Don's attitude and John Lee's, I expect haggling over money will be a major theme.
 
 
So. Our first assignment was to respond to a giant spider infestation in a public park. They attacked one at a time because Mike is getting used to the system and feeling out what would be a challenge vs. what would walk all over us. The last two take off running and jumping through the trees, and we pile in the pickup truck (borrowed from Don) and give chase.
 
John Lee Pettimore III is the only one of us with Combat Driving, so he's driving. He misses the roll by 1. Mike rules that he crashes into a tree.
 
I think someone said "Don's not gonna like that."
 
He (John Lee) fires one last burst at the spiders in hopes of wounding one so it leaks and leaves a trail, but misses. We end up heading in the direction they vanished into, eventually coming out on the north side of the park.
 
Mike, the Game Operations Director: You see no sign of giant spiders. Some passers by are giving you funny looks given that you're carrying heavy weapons. And a boomerang.
 
Titania, to anyone who pauses to stare: Counterterrorism drill. Carry on with your business.
 
We all stand still and shut up and listen for the sound of screams (indicating someone had seen the spiders.) Nothing.
 
Two thirds of the characters are skilled Trackers, but admittedly out of their element, and not even allowed to roll. So Titania whips out her smart phone. We're in Washington DC: There IS surely a spy satellite overhead, it's just a question of hacking into it. With an overhead view, maybe we can spot the spiders.Alas, I fail the roll.
Titania OOC: Okay, I'm going to roll to cover my tracks. (after making that roll) Now I'm indistinguishable from the 10 Chinese and 2 North Korean hackers who were trying to access that same satellite at the same time I was.
 
Reluctantly, we turn back to the damaged truck with three dead giant spiders in back. John Lee calls AAA for a flatbed.
Titania: You realize they're going to come into the park by the same route we took? Meaning they'll see the swollen corpses of two police officers and a couple of ordinary citizens that the spiders got before we showed up?
 
Titania OOC to the G.O.D.: You say the rear of the truck is undamaged? Okay, I'm going to pick it up by the front and pull it to the park entrance so it can be picked up there. There are advantages to being a Troll.
 
John Lee, back on the phone to AAA: Don't come into the park, we're moving it to the entrance. No, I DO still need the flatbed! We can get it to the entrance but no further, trust me.
 
Titania: Yeah, there's no way I'm hauling this thing any further than I have to. (Titania Melungeon is a lazy Trollop. I took an Extra END Limitation on a portion of STR, and a Costs END Limitation on the ENDurance itself - so that every time I expend END, I have to expend 1 extra. I figure my character will be exhausted.)
 
Titania OOC: Before AAA gets here we cover the spiders with a tarp, and I put up the signs.
Mike the G.O.D: Signs?
Titania OOC: Yeah, the ones that say "Temporarily Closed to the Public" and "Exercise in Progress." I know we have signs like that in the truck, hiding the monsters from the public is part of the job description.
Kylie OOC: Then fitness fanatics will see "Exercise in Progress" and come in to join the exercise.
Titania OOC: Really? When I see the word exercise, I turn the other way.
 
 
One of us can ride in the truck. John Lee takes it because he wants to be there when Don sees the truck so he can immediately start negotiating to pay to have it fixed. He figures he wrecked it, he'll pay for it, and he has the Wealth perk (his regular business is profitable apparently.) But he is starting to wonder if monster hunting is going to be a paying sideline.
 
Titania OOC: FlatBED? Bed sounds like where I want to be. After hauling the truck onto it, I lie down there.
Mike: There's no room.
 
Kylie has Direction Sense (why the heck is it called "Bump of Direction" anyway?) and good Navigation skills and is accustomed to hiking for days in the Australian outback, and wants to get to know the city better anyway, so it's obvious how she's getting back to base.
 
Titania is tired and goes to rest under the tree we hit.
 
John Lee gets through his negotiations, and Kylie does her walkabout, and then it's back to me. I get out the smart phone and then log onto the MHI site and look up the bounty for giant spiders, and then for animated trees. (in reality, I had my laptop handy and have the game in PDF.) Then I call Don.
 
Titania: Hello, Don? Yeah, I was looking up the bounties and I can't find the bounty for an animated tree.
Don: Animated tree?!
John Lee OOC: I wish I'd thought of that
Titania: Yeah, the one that saved the giant Australian hunting spiders by jumping in front of us. You saw what it did to the truck? Anyway, do I need to bring the whole tree in for a bounty? (I lean against the tree and begin exerting my Trollop STR, so he can hear it creaking as I start to push it over.)
Don: Leave that tree alone, you can't collect a bounty on it!
Titania: We can't? Anyway, I think I hear the MCB people down by the entrance and I don't want to run into them, I'm going to go catch a bus back to base.
 
Note for the uninitiated: In Monster Hunter International, the MCB is the Monster Control Bureau, a super-secret government agency that licenses and regulates monster bounty hunters, and insists on keeping the public at large completely ignorant of the existence of monsters. My character IS a monster, but I paid points for a Perk to be bounty-exempt, but I still want to keep out of their sight.
 
Kylie OOC: Can you even fit on the bus?
Titania OOC: I have Contortionist. I figure I'll go to the back, sit on one side of the aisle, and stretch my legs into the seat on the other side. On the long ride, I'll be on the smart phone setting up a website to sell Giant Australian Hunting Spider Repellent. I figure if it gets any hits, it's from people who saw our spiders.
John Lee OOC: What are you going to do, sell them grenades as spider repellent?
Titania OOC: No, I figure we show up and tell them WE ARE the giant spider repellent.
 
I'm the last to make it back to base, and start writing up the team's report on the incident. I mention that 5 spiders were spotted, 3 were killed and collected, and the other 2 escaped with the assistance of an animated tree that interfered with the pursuit. I include a suggestion that a bounty be established for such trees, as they are a definite hazard to vehicular traffic.
Mike: Your character is much too smart to believe that.
Me: Did I say she believes it? I said it's what's going in the report. Once that's done, Fiona is taking a nap.
 
 
That's probably enough for now. To be continued...
 
Lucius Alexander
 
The palindromedary explains that Lucius is sticking to the name Titania in these accounts on the assumption that wanting to be called Fiona is something the Trollop will probably grow out of.

Some guys at work are running a PathFinder game, my office mate is one of them. The other day, J came in to talk about latest character.
 
J: I'm building a new monk. They just have so many options I want to try! I can do this or this or even this! I'm planning on taking X bonus feats and going down Y path.
 
T: Sounds interesting.
 
J: He'll probably be killed quickly. Then I'll just make another monk. I do that frequently.
 
Me: To quote Belkar Bitterleaf, "It's not my fault your core class is fundamentally broken. So you can attack four times per round? Do any of them actually hit?"

Hey, grading whiskey is VERY important. Then you'll know the good stuff from the bad.
 
Life is too short to drink bad booze.

Just finished giving an exam, so I have 70-odd papers to mark, and I don't have to come to campus tomorrow. So I am leaving a sign on my door saying

Q: Are we not masters of the universe around us? Can we not subvert the very forces holding together the atom and bend them to our will? Can we not reshape our environment into something more felicitous for ourselves and wholly murderous for our adversaries? Why, then, should we suffer those parasitic, mindless little militant vegetables, and their noise, their egos, their demands for corner offices? Could we not cast them into agony beyond their comprehension, where only by literally devouring each other could they end the infinite torment of their pointless existence? So why have we not done this? What possible reason could there be for refraining from expunging even the memory of them from this reality? Heed me, my brethren! Shall we consign ourselves to more dreary hours of torment from those ... those things barely worthy of recognition as gnathostome vertebrates? Let us destroy them, and use the fetid sludge that is their substance as the muck we use to fertilize a new life, a new paradise, a world without want, or spite, or envy? What say you? Are you with me?!?
 
A: What we do every night, Pinky: try to figure out what to have for breakfast in the morning.

Q: Anybody seen where Orpheus went?
 
A: I'm afraid the only person on Earth who has a hope of understanding anything you just said lives in an island fortress off the coast of Long Island with his robot legions and death rays.

"How can I confuse thee, let me count the ways"? Or "I cannot begin to enumerate the flaws in that fractally wrong misconception"?

"Kent. This is God. Have you been touching yourself again?"

Voldemort: Knock Knock.
Harry Potter: Who's There?
Voldemort: You Know.
Harry Potter: You Know Who?
Voldemort: Exactly!
 
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Daisy.
Daisy who?
Daisy me rollin', they hatin'!

Voldemort: Knock Knock.
Harry Potter: Who's There?
Voldemort: You Know.
Harry Potter: You Know Who?
Voldemort: Exactly!
 
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Daisy.
Daisy who?
Daisy me rollin', they hatin'!

"Kent. This is God. Have you been touching yourself again?"

Q - What's the difference between doctors and chiropractors?
 
A - Doctors don't go around telling people they're chiropractors.
 
(Told to me by a chiropractor, incidentally.)

A small boy named Jim lived in a town in the Midwest. None of his classmates liked him because of his stupidity, especially his teacher, who was always yelling at him "You are driving me crazy Jim!!!!!"
 
One day Jim's mother came into school to check on how he was doing. The teacher told his mother honestly, that her son is simply a disaster, getting very low marks and even she had never seen such a dumb boy in her entire teaching career!!!! The mother was shocked at the feedback and withdrew her son from the school & even moved to another town!!!!!
 
25 years later, the teacher was diagnosed with an incurable cardiac disease! All the doctors strongly advised her to have an open heart operation, which only one surgeon could perform. Left with no other options, the teacher decided to have the operation, which was successful…
 
When she opened her eyes after the surgery she saw a handsome doctor smiling down at her! She wanted to thank him, but could not talk. Her face started to turn blue, she raised her hand, trying to tell him something but eventually died!
 
The doctor was shocked and was trying to work out what went wrong, when he turned around he saw our friend Jim, working as a cleaner in the clinic, who had unplugged the oxygen equipment to connect his vacuum cleaner!!!!!
 
Don't tell me you thought that Jim became a doctor!

After the barbarians invaded and set everything aflame, what did you have?
 
Alexander the raisin toast.
 
If there are a couple of psychotically delusional guys who think they're Alexander the Grape, what do you have?
 
Alexander the Grape Nuts.

Who was purple and conquered the entire then-known civilized world?
 
Alexander the Grape.
 
Who is buried in Alexander's tomb?
 
Alexander the Raisin.

Invader Zim also showed how being small (really small) can even be a special effect for Mind Control...

Ads for feminine hygiene products . . . featuring Betty White.

An all-mime a cappella group.  (Though to be fair, their air guitar bit is pretty impressive.)
 
NT:  The worst possible advertisement to air during the Super Bowl.

I don't have habits. That's for monks and nuns.

The shadowrunners were an ork/troll group. Against stereotype, they specialized in stealth, subtlety, bluff, illusion, deception and misdirection.
 
Dent: ork, rat shaman
No-Step: ork, snake shaman, healer
Byte Force: ork, decker, chemist
Eye Spy: ork, rigger, drones, paramedic
Audacity Jane: ork, combat, stealth, security systems
Happy Jack / Jonathan Bridges: troll, combat, disguise, negotiator
Mr. Johnson: the name used by/for anonymous individuals hiring shadowrunners
 
The Adventures of Baron Munchmaussen - Getting There is Half the Fun
This was the same adventure previously described by Drhoz (here and here).
 
Unlike Drhoz's team, this team of shadowrunners was not hired by a dragon. (At least not directly. With dragons you never know.) Instead, they were hired by a normal Ms. Johnson in Seattle, and flown to Germany on a sub-orbital. From there, they took a train to the village of Schloss Munchmaussen. They were to break into the medieval castle overlooking the village, home to Baron Munchmaussen, an elderly troll. Once inside, they were to steal a rare book and leave a metal briefcase in its place.
 
Eye Spy: "Wait ... his name is actually Baron Munchausen?"
Dent: "He's a hypochondriac."
No-Step: "All the stories about him are greatly exaggerated."
 
Ms. Johnson made the travel arrangements ... and the arrangements for equipment to be provided upon the team's arrival.
 
Byte Force: "I'm taking my cyberdeck with me. I'm not trusting Mr. Johnson to give me a decent deck with useful software."
Eye Spy: "Isn't customs going to confiscate your cyberdeck? It's illegal."
Byte Force: "A legal cyberdeck has matrix identifiers. An illegal cyberdeck doesn't. My cyberdeck is a custom job. I can change it from a legal deck to an illegal deck by flipping a switch."
Eye Spy: "What if they look at the programs?"
Byte Force: "They're not going to recognize anything. I wrote them myself."
Dent: "Byte Force doesn't believe in documenting his software."
Byte Force: "It's called 'code' for a reason."
 
Byte Force did some recon through the Matrix prior to the trip.
 
Byte Force: "Baron Munchaussen is a paranoid, not a hypochondriac. The castle is covered in security cameras. There are cameras in all of the hotel rooms. It looks like there are even cameras in all of the private houses."
No-Step: "The walls have ears."
Dent: "The toilets and showers have eyes."
 
Byte Force: "Jack, I found the personnel files for the castle. You might want to look at the Director of Tourism first."
Happy Jack: "Is he an ork or troll?"
Byte Force: "No. She's the Baron's chief of intelligence. She's also a mage."
Audacity Jane: (laughing) "I think I like the Baron. He thinks like me."
 
Byte Force: "I can't quite figure out the castle interior from the camera angles. I could really use some humint."
Happy Jack: "I'll see what I can do. Send me the personnel files for any female orks and trolls on the Baron's staff."
Dent: "The females? Are No-Step and you going in drag?"
Happy Jack: "No. I'm planning on seducing one of the servants, then you can read her mind."
Dent: "..."
Happy Jack: "And I would really prefer to seduce one of the women."
 
Security on flights is a bit different in the Awakened World of 2051. Cyberware can't be confiscated for the duration of the flight. Therefore, passengers with dangerous forms of cyberware are required to wear cyberware restraint cuffs - CRCs. (This assumes that security detects and properly identifies the cyberware.) If the dangerous cyberwear is activated, the cuff applies a taser charge to the wearer. (Nastier versions contain an explosive charge instead.)
 
Eye Spy's player is the most pessimistic gamer I've ever met. She's perpetually convinced that a total party kill is going to happen in the near future.
 
Eye Spy: (while waiting for the flight) "Something terrible is going to happen on this flight, and we're all going to die. The flight is going to crash, or we'll be shot down by a missile, or something. I'm not sure what yet. But just watch."
Happy Jack: "For once, I think you're right to be concerned."
Eye Spy: "You're actually agreeing with me?"
Happy Jack: "Not completely, but we're going into a situation where we lack the ability to respond to a crisis. You can't fly a semi-balistic vehicle. You don't have your drones with you. We don't have weapons. For part of the flight, magick won't work. Accessing the Matrix won't accomplish much. Jane is good at unarmed combat, but she's wearing CRCs."
Audacity Jane: "And part of the flight will be zero-G. It's extremely difficult to fight in that environment unless you have training and experience. I don't."
Eye Spy: "Oh @#$%! This time, we really are all going to die."
 
Hijack - We Should have Seen This Coming (Actually ... We Did)
The hijack started when someone set off a smoke bomb, filling the entire cabin with smoke. Happy Jack grabbed a fire extinguisher, using his spare hand to brace against the ceiling of the cabin (preventing problems with zero-G).
 
Happy Jack: "I don't see any fire."
Audacity Jane: "But there are three of them ... headed this way."
Happy Jack: (cheerfully) "I have a fire extinguisher."
Byte Force: "Are you using that as a rocket?"
Happy Jack: "No. I'm using it as a club."
 
Dent: "They have cyberspurs. How come their CRCs aren't shocking them?"
Happy Jack: "I would complain that they're cheating somehow, but we cheat all the time."
 
The hijackers appeared to be as inexperienced at zero-G combat as the team was. That gave Happy Jack (fully braced) a tremendous advantage. His long arms and "club" gave him an additional reach advantage.
 
Eye Spy: (watching Jack smack the three hijackers around) "Sometimes I forget that you're almost as dangerous as Jane."
 
In the zero-G environment, Jack was able to smack the hijackers flying into the cabin wall for even more damage.
 
Dent (ooc): I'm having flashbacks to Champions.
Happy Jack (ooc): Nah. For Champions I'd need at least six more dice.
 
After the flight, the polizei wanted to interview Happy Jack, due to his pivotal role in thwarting the hijacking. The polizei seemed suspicious of Happy Jack. To complicate matters, Jack got the distinct impression that a polizei mage was using an Analyze Truth spell during the interview.
 
Polizist: "You must be very brave."
Happy Jack: "Not really. Just looking out for myself. If they crashed the sub-orbital, we would all die."
Polizist: "How did you manage to defeat three hijackers all by yourself?"
Happy Jack: "I'm a troll."
Polizist: (long pause) "You were unarmed, against three armed men. Jah?"
Happy Jack: (shrugging) "I had a fire extinguisher."
Polizist: "What made you decide to pick up a fire extinguisher?"
Happy Jack: "The cabin was full of smoke."
Polizist: "How could you tell the hijackers apart from the other passengers?"
Happy Jack: "They were heading for the cockpit, and they had cyberspurs out."
Polizist: "How could you see that, when the cabin was full of smoke?"
Happy Jack: "I'm a troll. I have thermographic vision."
 
The polizei eventually decided that they weren't going to catch Jack in a lie (and the flight attendent insisted he was a hero), so they let him go catch the train with the rest of the team.
 
Each time the train crossed from one petty German kingdom to the next, the passengers had to deal with customs officials and security forces. Finally, in one of the kingdoms, the "security forces" were indistinguishable from organized crime extortionists. They were even shooting their guns in order to intimidate the passengers into paying.
 
Audacity Jane: "Amateurs."
Happy Jack: "Leave the amateurs alone. I would rather pay a reasonable bribe to some amateurs, rather than prove to everyone that we're not."
 
Unfortunately, one of the bandits decided that he wanted Byte Force's cyberdeck.
 
Bandit #1: (in a Bavarian-German dialect) "Give me that."
Happy Jack: "You want what? Oh! You want money. Geld. Geld? Jah, jah?"
Jack stood up, pulled out the team's biggest, heaviest carry-on down from the rack and shoved it into Bandit #1's arms, nearly causing him to drop his gun.
No-Step's watcher spirit: (suddenly appearing behind the bandits) "DROP YOUR WEAPONS. I KILL YOU."
The bandits spun around. One fired a burst (harmlessly) through the watcher spirit. Happy Jack pulled the hardest carry-on off the rack and smashed it down on Bandit #1's head. Simultaneously, Audacity Jane stood up behind Bandit #2, pulled Bandit #2's sidearm from its holster, then used it to shoot Bandit #2 and Bandit #3 in the head.
Audacity Jane: "This car's clear."
Dent: "You should have let me cast a Silence spell. The gunfire will attract the ones in the rest of the train."
Audacity Jane: "These amateurs keep shooting their own guns in order to intimidate people. As long as I space my shots out, they aren't going to realize that I'm shooting their guns instead."
 
A second group of armed men showed up and started attacking the group extorting the passengers.
 
Audacity Jane: (as the team ducked down to avoid being struck by stray rounds) "This is very convenient."
Eye Spy: "What part of this do you find convenient?"
Happy Jack: "We no longer have to explain how these three men ended up dead."

Every so often UNIT has to go in and try to deal with that nasty Cybermen infestation.