Steve

There was a medieval tradition of burying criminals and suicides at crossroads
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Crossroads_(folklore)
 
The Christian tradition was that if a person had been baptised and confessed their sins before death then they would go to Heaven. So it was that the unbaptised and heretics and those that led evil lives would become ghosts etc

Going back to the Turakian Age for a moment, the setting has a unique type of undead, known as the Unburned. The Drakine (dragon-men) of that world burn the bodies of their dead to ash, then scatter the ashes to the wind. The Drakine believe this releases the deceased's soul to pass on to the afterlife. If that measure isn't taken, the corpse may arise as a kind of powerful zombie, with a hunger for flesh, but sometimes also a hunger to kill those who failed to burn its body properly.
 
This is an example of a mirror for measures to prevent a corpse from arising in undeath; the corpse arising because the proper measures to permit the soul to pass on were not followed. In this case the undead are not the product of necromancy, but the consequence of negligent or deliberate desecration.
 
 

Hero Games' Turakian Age setting has some interesting funerary customs specifically aimed at keeping undead to a minimum.
 
"In southern Mhorecia, particularly Besruhan and Velkara, the custom is to bind the body tightly in a fetal position with special cords. The bound body, along with grave goods appropriate to its station and profession, is placed in a large pottery burial urn, which the dead person's family buries in the ground (or possibly a tomb of some sort). The southern Mhorecians believe these measures minimize or eliminate the risk of a person coming back to unlife or being subjected to Necromancy." (The Turakian Age p. 168)
 
"In 3943 SE, a terrible plague struck Shar. People died by the thousands, and so swiftly did the disease strike that not even the spells of the priests could stem the tide. At times, the streets of the cities were clogged with corpses, and the army was so weakened that Goblin-tribes ran amok throughout the land.
 
The Masked Lords rightly feared that so many unburied bodies would only cause the plague to worsen or linger, or lead to an infestation of the undead. Unwilling to risk the existence of the realm, with the help of the witch Badonrai they called to a pack of Ghouls, and formed with them an eerie Compact: the ghouls would carry away and consume the bodies of the plague-dead, and in return the folk of Shar would not harry or slay them, but treat them as they would any other people with whom they traded. The Ghouls agreed, and through their own mysterious pathways they sent word to their brethren. Many Ghouls came to Shar, and the people were saved from both plague and undead.
 
From that day to this, the folk of Shar have accounted the Ghouls as friends, and Ghouls live in the shadows throughout Shar, coming out at night to remove the dead, or perhaps to trade with stout-hearted merchants. To harm a Ghoul is no different, at law, than to harm a Man, and a Ghoul who harms the living is punished by his fellow Ghouls as if he had harmed one of them. Thanks to the Ghouls, both undead and Necromancy are rare in Shar." (The Turakian Age p. 107)

Regarding burial customs, people did this IRL. Not dissolving bodies in acid, but dealing with the dark energies either with religion or magic or various superstitions. Burning was apparently used at times though. Witches were often treated like vampires, with great measures taken to either trap the evil or prevent one from returning from the dead. I seem to recall anti-lycanthrope burials too, but didn't find anything in a casual web search. Some very common practices:
Burial face-down, to prevent the spirit from rising to heaven Burial under rocks to keep the body physically trapped. Also nailing a corpse to the floor of a coffin. Rocks in the mouth to prevent the spirit from escaping Unmarked graves are very common for witches and criminals but I'm unsure of the significance Cutting off the head Staking a body with wood or iron Misfortune subsequent to death was seen as a curse from a ghost or witch, so the body might be exhumed, exorcised or mutilated, have rituals performed, and then re-buried. Exhumation was also used to inspect a body for hair and nail growth, or to see if it had moved, etc. There's a ton of material out there if you are interested in historical practices, here's a few to get started.
 
https://www.businessinsider.com/ways-villagers-buried-vampires-to-stop-rising-from-dead-2023-8?op=1#bodies-were-buried-face-down-3
 
https://www.ancient-origins.net/unexplained-phenomena/witches-vampires-and-werewolves-10-ghoulish-archaeological-discoveries-004402
 
https://bigthink.com/the-past/5-ancient-rituals-prevent-zombies/
 
https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/world/workers-horrified-as-450-headless-vampire-skeletons-found-while-digging-up-road/ar-AA1cnG0F
 
https://www.historytoday.com/hidden-history-deviant-burials
 
Several practices are mentioned in https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Burial such as inverted burial, burial at a cross-roads, and exhumation.

Princess Moonray had her first adventure as part of the Avant Guard super-team. There hasn't been more because that's now a fill-in campaign if it's not possible to run either of two D&D campaigns. (Though I hope we can promote AG back to a running campaign once one of the D&D campaigns wraps up.) The other PCs heard her story but I didn't hit them with the full weirdness of the Magical Moon Realm just yet -- I'll bring that in next adventure.
 
Princess Moonray played well and was effective, which is no surprise because the player is hands down our best design mechanic. Of the other PCs, Night Train was boggled but Anunit, Daughter of Tiamat, accepted it with equanimity. When your mother is the Queen of Chaos, very little seems unbelievable.
 
Dean Shomshak

Returning to Selversgard to report that the old cemetery needs reconsecrating, we discover a violent argument in the marketplace - a number of the village women have Mikki, the entertainer at one of the village pubs, surrounded. Apparently they’re accusing her of being a bad influence on the morals of the town, saying that her admittedly lascivious stage shows encourage their husbands to attend the brothel, and that’s why the ghost attacked people.
 
Arram is forced to admit that the actual reason might be because he’s purchased the manor and THAT is what has disturbed the ghost. It’s certainly a hypothesis to consider. Mikki makes her escape.
 
Gonno moved in the wrong social circles to know if Emilia had any close friends she might have confided in. She’s probably just lucky that the arranged marriage was voided whe killed herself - none of us would put it past a Chelaxian to marry the corpse.
 
Arram: Chelaxians would check the contract first.
 
But examining the interior of the manor reveals that someone has definitely been in here - someone with small bare feet. They looked around the ground floor then headed upstairs. Shev’s study of the prints suggests a small woman or adolescent, used to going shoeless. 
 
Shev: I swear the locals are part-halfling.
 
The second floor includes the family bedrooms - only one door is open, and the tracks lead in and out. It’s probably Emilia’s. Her armoire has been opened, as well. There’s still a fair number of her personal items inside - brushes, combs, some jewelry, and a conspicuous triangular gap in the dust. About the right size for a broad-bladed dagger, in its sheath. But as Gonno muses, it doesn’t make any sense for it to be the suicide weapon - why would the family have put the weapon back in her armoire, and it has clearly been moved recently. It’s all very depressing - supernaturally depressing. Gonno, Arram, and Skave fail their saves against magically induced despair.
 
Arram: Well, let's find who's responsible, I suppose.
Gonno: Is there any point? Is there any point to anything?
Arram: Yes. I quite want to stab them for making me do all this extra work.
Miya: You have a small child, Gonno. There’s one reason.
Skave: *plaintively* I want to go home now.
Shev: Let’s all get out of here.
Miya: Don’t make me get the pointy stick.
 
The despair wears off after we leave the building. We really need to talk to some of Selversgard’s oldest residents, like Gelvert the dwarf and former mayor. And think about which teenager in town is most likely to break into a boarded-up building. Vok, following the scent of the tracks, leads the party back to the Garund household. And Toby Garund, the 12-year-old son of the family, certainly fits the build of the intruder.
 
Arram: Toby, you’ve been a very naughty boy. 

Shev: I’m just thinking of his terror when his school teacher turns up at the door. ‘No no no, you’re a school thing, you don’t come to my HOUSE’.
Miya: ‘BEGONE THE SCHOOL HOLIDAYS COMPEL YOU’
 
Toby is currently out in the fields with his father. Time to go scare the short pants off him. 
 
Toby: … how.. How did you know?
Shev: Hi. I know where all you kids go.
Arram: I was going to go with the whole “I’m your teacher, I know everything’ but suddenly it’s the rat that’s the scary one.
 
The dagger is gold chased and has a ruby the size of his thumb in the pommel.
 
Shev: … yeah that’s the fetter.
 
But even returning the dagger to its place won’t necessarily put the ghost to rest. We still don’t know exactly why Emilia took her own life, beyond the obvious. Mother Maybell doesn’t want the dagger anywhere nearby.
 
Mother Maybell: Don’t get me mixed up in this!
 
Gelvert and his son Gelbert are surprised to see us, and definitely remembers the tragedy - he was one of the people organising the wedding, and had considerable business dealings with the Tollands. The wedding would have reopened the silver mine. He also recalls the high turn-over of servants at the house - and the feeling of crushing gloom even before the wedding. Emilia’s grandfather was an excellent businessman, and much more likable than Emilia’s father.
 
Gelvert: A man of his family, but the son was always a man of business. I never really liked him.
 
Gelvert doesn’t understand why Emilia killed herself - even in Selversgard no-one would have stopped her fleeing town to escape the wedding. Arram has some suspicions about that despair aura.
 
Gelvert: Young Skave, isn’t it? I hear you’re an alchemist.
Skave: Yes?
Gelvert: Emilia’s father was an alchemist, as I recall. Certainly liked to take things apart to see how they worked.
 
That’s ominous, especially if he got on so well with the Chelaxians. We now have some suspicions about that stone-lined tunnel the Ysoki unearthed beneath the manor.
 
Gelvert: You know, it’s strange but I never did find out where his lab was. And I did rely on his potions from time to time. When you get old things stop working quite as well.
 
Sennsa-Auel the elven madam might know more - she’s been running the Yellow House since the time. Old Meg, one of the fishwives, is now deceased, but she was the queen of gossip in Selversgard at the time. Perhaps one of her daughters, granddaughters, or great-granddaughters recall something. Gelvert is happy he can still be useful.
 
The manor certainly doesn’t have a basement (too close to the river’s flood level) but we do find one end of the tunnel - hidden in the servant’s stairwell. And a suspicious gap in the floorplan behind the master bedroom. Gonno can’t find any hidden doors in the stonework, but Vok can sniff out an alchemical lab even decades later. Even if it’s a combination of alchemical lab and torture dungeon. 
 
Gonno: I think we’ve found where some of the servants got to. 
 
Most of the accouterments are long since dried out, but there’s one long tube filled with grey fluid that’s still intact. It does not Detect as magical. Skave gets out a q-tip and goes to take a sample - holistic investigation is certainly his modus operandi. It attacks him.
 
Arram: I think this is a teachable moment and leave him to it.
Skave: I think we should get that thing off him, he’s got a kid!!!
 
The Ooze is horribly caustic, and also inflicts psychic damage. The Ysoki alchemist is almost overwhelmed. Those of us without ranged attacks backpedal fast. Gonno dives for two magical daggers that Arram Detected earlier. The suicidal despair it radiates certainly doesn’t help. Skave throwing a firebomb into a confined space doesn’t help either.
 
Arram: Shev I’ve always liked you but I’m going to have to kill your brother.
 
We are extremely fortunate that the thing succumbs to Arram’s Burning Hands spell, eventually. We turn to the younger Ysoki with various expressions of wrath.
 
Skave’s player: … I’ll start making a new character, then.
Miya: Skave, get up on the torture table.
 
We turn - and face the ghost. She reaches out to Arram, who offers the dagger. Her hand passes right through it, she smiles, and fades away.
 
Miya: Remind me to make an offering to Pharasma when we get out of here.

 

Lord-Mayor Barzillai Thrune, AKA “The Dogf***er”, is a man with multiple strikes against him. Firstly, he’s an Inquisitor of Asmodeus. Secondly, he’s a member of the Thrice-damned House of Thrune. Thirdly, he doesn’t like mint ice cream. This all adds up to Evil with three ‘E’s. EEEvil. Unfortunately, he’s also a bit smarter than we thought.
 
Admittedly, that might be on us. The so-called ‘Ghosts of Kintargo’ have been running around the city with so little difficulty, and successfully distracting the authorities with our fake ‘Nox the Redeemed’, that we may have started underestimating him. The fake Nox was certainly a good idea, and must have enraged Thrune no end. Even the rumours that his devil-sworn bodyguard was now working for the rebels would have been terrible PR for his administration, and there was still the question of how the Ghosts could possibly have switched her allegiance. Assuming the ‘Ghosts’ actually exist.
 
Of course, illusion magic is a thing. And further, there is absolutely nothing stopping Thrune having his own Nox. Revealing his own version, real or fake, at the Ruby Masquerade is a masterstroke, since there are over 300 of Kintargo’s richest and most influential citizens in attendance. Thrune can probably also guess that some of the rebellion leadership are in the crowd - although the jokes on him, we all are.
 
The really bad news, however, is that the dogbotherer seems willing to kill all those attendees in an effort to slander the Ghosts of Kintargo, and just said as much, as his dotarri lock the doors to the opera house with ourselves and hundreds of mostly-innocent citizens inside. And there’s the urgent question of WHY, when we’ve already established that assassinating Thrune in front of hundreds of witnesses is a bad idea, Civilla Alazario unilaterally decided to attack him. The rest of the Ghosts aren’t privy to the deal she made with the contract devil Cizmerkis, current owner of Nox's soul - and that deal was just called due.
 
Although Thrune is hopefully right about one thing - the colours of the Ghosts of Kintargo are indeed the colors of blood, of betrayal, and of death. HIS blood, betrayal, and death. He certainly seemed surprised that one of the Ghosts was standing right next to him on the stage. It’s just a pity that the assassin Rajira wasn’t standing on the other side, to stab him in the neck when he turned to yell ‘Betrayer!’ at Civilla.
 
Terzo OoC: I am trepidatious about tonight’s session. The only combat monster in the party is you.
Rajira OoC: I’m not a combat monster.
Terzo OoC: If your opponents are asleep you are.
 
And then our situation goes from bad to SO MUCH WORSE.
 
True, we’re trapped in a building with hundreds of civilians, and dozens of heavily armed dotarri and a high level Inquisitor of Asmodeus, but we’ve got Vendelfek the faerie dragon in the crowd, and Captain Sargaeta planted our fake Nox upstairs earlier. Chough, the Dire Corby adopted sister of those Kenku we recruited, has also been busy - she’s been disabling those cockatrice cages just in case Thrune WAS planning to drop them into the crowd. Alas, she isn’t in position to drop on Thrune from 60 feet up. And then, suddenly, a huge beautiful bewinged serpentine creature appears in and emerges from the orchestra pit, and a bunch of flying angelic figures drop their invisibility in the crowd, or fly in through up-stairs windows. Apparently they’re Azatas, benevolent celestials native to the plane of Elysium. Perhaps Thrune’s actions have finally provoked a response, or it’s some protocol to defend the Opera House when mass bloodshed is imminent?
 

 
Civilla: Do they have horns and are they spitting fire? No? Then they might be on our side.
 
Perhaps somebody else made plans for this evening. The Lillend Azata moves from the orchestra pit into the crowd, which panics in abject terror. Several of the party goers are crushed. Not a good start.
 
The Ghosts of Kintargo: What?!?!
 
And then one of the other Azata attacks Terzo.
 
The Ghosts of Kintargo: What?!?!?!?!!
 
The Azata are actually magically disguised Devils. 
 
The Ghosts of Kintargo: !!!!!!!!!!!
 
Even with all the rest of this happening, Civilla is skeptical that the chained Nox on the stage is the real thing - after being dismembered and scattered over multiple graves, it would take a Wish spell to locate her, let alone raise her from the dead. Our fake Nox doesn’t seem to care - the moment she spots the original her attention is entirely focused on her. Possibly we should have provided a script. Appearing on the upstairs balcony and shouting “The rumours are true, Barzillai! You DO F*** dogs.”, perhaps.
 
Civilla Dimension Slides two stories straight up, onto the chandelier, and unleashes a Xill onto Barzillai. Xills are ethereal marauders with four arms that use their poisoned mandibles to paralyze their victims and implant eggs, but right now she’s beyond caring whether they're evil or not.
 

 
To her shock, Thrune shrugs off every attack. Happily another of the fake Azata goes after Shimza and comes within claws-reach of the Xill. Although it’s extremely alarming that the Barbed Devils seem to know exactly where the Ghosts of Kintargo are in the crowd. Although it’s likely they devils have been studying the crowd and marking everybody with a Good aura that is powerful enough to be a threat. Certainly they didn’t target Rajira.
 
Rajira uses her claws and her poisonous saliva to injure Thrune, but once again he shrugs off the venom. 
 
Barzillai: You DARE attack your Mayor?!
 
He attacks with his flaming mace, which is exactly when Avya explodes into a vortex of tattooed creatures, which is certainly surprising. Thrune certainly wasn’t expecting it. Nor was Thrune’s Nox. Shimza joins Civilla in the chandelier, and casts Euphoric Cloud on some of the Bearded Devils and dotarri. It might not drug a devil, but it DOES fill a large chunk of the dance floor with obscuring fog. 
 
The real Nox spots our fake - and Dimension Doors upstairs to fight her. Terzo leaps into the orchestra pit and sings a suitable aria to inspire his friends and the crowd. The crowd, thus encouraged, rush the doors. A few get shot down, but the dotarri get trampled and the exit forced open. 
 
Ayva: Do what you’re good at, Terzo - get people out of the opera!
Terzo: RUDE.
 
The big fake Azata seals the main doors again with a wall of Ice. Happily, we have Shimza, who is notably proficient with fire. Unfortunately, another devil cast Unholy Blight into the crowd, but thankfully doesn’t kill too many people. 
Thrune DOES goes down under the Xill’s next flurry of attacks, but is not revealed as another devil. This surprises Civilla - by this point she was expecting it to be Cizmerkis, who by provoking her original attack NOW, against the wrong target, was ensuring her damnation. Although, even if it’s another fake, seeing their Lord-Mayor violently disemboweled does shock the assembled dotarri.
 
Terzo’s performance inspires the crowd again, and they start pouring out of the building. At least somebody is going to get out of here alive. Because with all the devils now focusing their attacks on the Ghosts of Kintargo, it seems quite likely that we’re not getting out ourselves.
 

Pathfinder - Selversgard - Pt.12
 
4713AR
 
Shev has expanded his first business and now has a fellow Ysoki in his employ running a regular package run along the Skull River, taking advantage of the all-terrain nature of the riding rats that he has been breeding. He has also established a hunting lodge about half a day’s trek out of town to tend to the forest and hopefully host the occasional hunt for out-of-town worthies.
 
Shev’s player: There’s more than one way to read that last bit.
Gonno’s player: The Most Dangerous Game
GM: No, around here the Most Dangerous Game is the Tarrasque.
 
Arram is just on his way home one evening when he hears screams down the street, from the Yellow House, Selversgard’s brothel. The owner of the business, an elven sorceress, is helping one of her employees out of the building.
 
Sennsa-Auel: Oh thank goodness - I’ve driven it off, but can you get Mara to Mother Maybell?
Arram: What happened?
Sennsa-Auel: A ghost, if you can believe it. A f***ing ghost!
 
The wounds are certainly weird, and a wandering ghost is also very weird - as Selversgard’s only magical healer (aside from Remilda), Mother Maybell the Pharasman priestess is the closest thing we have to an authority on the undead. She suspects the ghost has a touch that causes flesh to tear itself apart.
 
Krigor, the current mayor, is just as baffled as everybody else. Why the heck would Selversgard have a ghost? Unless it’s because they’ve opened the Tolland Manor for the first time in years. There’s no sign of the John that was in the room with Mara - one Jesse Garund. Jesse is married, so his wife isn’t going to be happy when she finds out what he’s been up to during the evening. Doesn’t explain why some kind of ghost bride would take an interest in his extracurriculars, though. 
 
Remilda: You should get Shev, he hunts *anything*
 
Skave has some information - he’s been looking into the fall of the Tolland family. Their downfall began when their eldest daughter Emilia took her own life 40 years ago, rather than go ahead with an arranged marriage to an old mining magnate from Magnimar. It’s certainly a recipe for a ghost. Apparently she stabbed herself repeatedly on the morning of her wedding, in her room. Of course, there were no actual witnesses. And the room was locked. 
 
It would seem we have to investigate a 40 year old death. At least Krigor was captain of the militia at the time, and Gonno had been living in the town for decades. 
 
Miya: I believe you call that ‘being a suspect’
GM: Gonno is many things but ‘fitting through that window’ is not one of them.
Shev: I keep forgetting how old you people all are.
Skave: I’m going to go get as much holy water as I can carry.
Shev: You’ll have to wake Mother Maybell again.
 
Both Krigor and Gonno accepted the version of events they’d been given at the time, being unwilling to pry into the tragedy. This, in retrospect, was probably a mistake, especially if the ghost of Emilia is floating around. We should also check that Jesse Garund actually made it home. We’re met at the door by Liz Garund, who is about 8 ½ months pregnant.
 
Shev: Let’s not give her any shocks.
 
Jesse is not home yet - Liz was expecting him home from the pub an hour ago. She is distressed to hear that there was an attack, although we spare her the details such as where it happened. Shev panics a bit when Liz needs help, but after what happened to his sister-in-law that’s not surprising.
 
Shev blows his Vok-summoning whistle - we need to find the missing farmer, on a cold, moonless, windy night. Apparently he ran off into the woods, through one of the many gaps in the town’s palisade.
 
Shev: Of course they haven’t finished the palisade, they want to leave Selversgard room to expand - BUT THEN NEVER EXPAND. I’m getting very very tired of council meetings.
 
Vok and Shev track him down to where he is huddled shivering, under a bush.
 
Jesse: Shev? That you?
Shev: Let’s get you some pants and get you back to your wife - and no, I have no interest in telling your wife where you were. Do you need to ride Vok?
Jesse: I can’t ride your rat! I don’t have any pants!
Arram: Terrible manners to rub your junk on another man’s rat.
 
Shev also intends to order proper boots for everybody in town. Jesse has no idea why the ghost of Emilia Tolland is out and about.
 
Jesse: There haven’t been any Tollands in 30 years?
Arram: Famously, ghosts are of dead people.
 
Jesse has a few more details about the Tollands - the mother died of the Blue Plague shortly after the death of her daughter, and the father died of a heart attack while seeking a new and younger bride. There was a persistent rumour that he was ‘exerting himself’ with the young women at the time. Jesse also says that he was ‘exerting himself’ with Mara when the ghost appeared, moaned, and he fled in unreasoning terror.
 
Shev has heard that the ghosts of those who died in terror can inflict that terror on other people.
 
Arram: That’s not what I read into it when he said moaned. I just thought ‘coward’.
Shev: Okay. OK. I keep forgetting that it’s always sex with you hairless ones.
 
It’s also weird that the ghost was driven off by Madam Senn’s magic missiles. We can only speculate that neither Mara or Jesse were actually the ghost’s target. We’re going to have to check the family crypt - after we consult Mother Maybell.
 
Shev: She’s just going to have to live with being woken up.
Mother Maybell: At four AM?
Shev: Take it up with your goddess.
Mother Maybell: I do. Regularly.
 
Mother Maybell consults the books and diaries left to her by her predecessor, although his handwriting leaves something to be desired. Apparently Emilia’s family had the officiating cleric attempt to Raise Emilia from the dead, but she refused the call. Maybell even has the cleric’s account, but his handwriting was just as bad. It would appear the mining magnate was Chelish - no wonder the girl didn’t want to marry an Asmodean. But he DID note a force of Disruption on the Tolland house, but couldn’t identify it.
 
Arram: I can’t see an Asmodean cleric getting very far with bad handwriting. 
Miya: Imagine the Contracts. 
Maybell: Oh, I see what happened  - this is a copy. *sigh*
 
Apparently the priest in question is now one of the High Priests of Asmodeus in the capital of Cheliax - Mother Maybell has exchanged letters with him in the past.
But none of this explains why Emilia would come back NOW. We borrow the key to the old burial ground crypts. Of course none of us are equipped to face down a ghost - there’s a blanch Skave can make that will suitably enchant a weapon, but he needs Ghost Salt first to make it.
 
Shev: So first I need to take out this ghost, before I can take out this ghost. 
Arram: Right.
 
That probably explains why half of us completely botch the Perception checks at the crypt - we’re all glancing around so nervously we don’t actually see anything. We certainly don’t see the three Ghouls and a Ghast that burst out of the overgrowth and attack. Given their stench, speed, and paralysing bites, this could well be the end of us. Happily Skave stabs one right through the eye with his rapier, and Gonno literally punches one of their heads off. After the third ghoul gets killed the ghast runs off, despite the fact half of us are already paralysed.
 
Of course this MIGHT explain why Emilia is active - the ghouls have been disturbing the graves. At least there isn't some necromancer from the Twilight Academy in the crypt, and Emilia’s remains appear intact, apart from the stab wounds to her belly. Her mother’s body is not here - she would have been cremated as a plague victim. Her father is still here, as is his gold pocket watch. Nobody has been looting the bodies. We lock up the crypt.
 
 We’ll still have to hunt down the ghast - easier than it might be, given its horrendous stink.

Pathfinder: In Hell Bright Shadow - The Millionaire Waltz
 


 
While the rest of the party's outfits for the party are pretty elaborate, Terzo’s Red Death costume is the most elaborate at the entire Masque, but he’s prepared for any questions.
 
Terzo: I thought it was appropriate, given the venue, unless you think there’s already a monster lurking in the basement?
 
This rather barbed joke is, of course, aimed at Barzillai Thrune, but it does trigger some rather alarming conjectures in Civilla, particularly about what might have happened to Shensen, Kintargo’s opera diva who has been missing since the takeover.
 
Terzo’s player: How many feet in a mile?
Civilla’s player: I don’t f***ing know?!
Rajira’s player (and the only actual American in the group): I’m sorry, I don’t speak Obsolete. 
 
Terzo: We might not have a specific reason to be here but I wouldn't object if, say, Thrune falls down the stairs and breaks his neck.
Ayva: Oh look, he’s coming down the main staircase to make an announcement. I cast Grease.
Rajira: Let’s not do that because if you do they’ll crucify you and I’m not going to stop them.
Ayva: Oh Rajira, I thought you liked me.
Rajira: If they crucify you, we’ll have to rescue you and I might get killed.
Ayva: Ah, there it is.
 
We bring some of those potions of invisibility with us. It’ll help with our sneaking around, if any of the dotarri seems particularly observant.
 
Terzo: And we might have to get out in a hurry if it all goes Terzo-shaped.
 
We get to work mingling, picking up rumours, and sidling off to explore the off-limits parts of the Opera House while our other party members distract people with entertaining anecdotes and the like. And try to locate our allies in the crowd, since it seems half the attendees turned up in the same costumes. Rajira soon locates Lady Docur, although she’s as much a rival as an ally since they’re both spymasters. Terzo spots Vendalfek at the refreshments table, magically disguised as a drunken halfling and helping himself to platefuls of food. Ayva finds the Archbaroness, who is not pretending to be anything other than the frighteningly powerful woman she actually is. Civilla, with her plus-one, spots Captain Sargaeta and HIS plus-one nipping into one of the private booths upstairs.
 
Civilla: Huh. Well, that could be funny. For the dance. 
Ayva: Ooh, a Doubles!
 
The four of them on the dancefloor is certainly a great opportunity to whisper messages to each other and set up the next stage of Civilla’s masterplan for the evening. Terzo provides distraction by expounding at length about the future of Kintargo opera to a circle of partygoers.
 
Terzo: Because of course*Thrune’s announcement will be that he’s reopening the opera.
 
Ayva and Rajira are exploring the off-limits areas above the stage, and are rather surprised there are no guards around - it’s an obvious spot to snipe from. They do find a cache of various magical healing supplies, however. The underground areas will probably be rather more difficult to explore without being noticed, but Ayva and Rajira can be very sneaky indeed.
 
Civilla does get a bit of a shock at 10PM, when Thrune comes out onto the stage where she and the others were dancing.
 
Ayva: Hark, yon scary douche.
Civilla: Well, douche.
 
Thrune: Good evening, honoured guests, and citizens of Kintargo, and welcome to the Ruby Masquerade. I am glad that everyone has begun in earnest. Tonight, I shall make my first announcement short: I must thank all of Kintargo for bearing with me during my transition as lord mayor, and can finally announce that the worst is behind us - Effective tomorrow morning, Kintargo may return to it's former glory, as the city curfew will be no more!
Crowd: *Rousing cheers* 
PCs: *privately waiting for the other shoe to drop*
Thrune: I will be making one more announcement during the Unmasking ceremony at Midnight. I am sure that you will all be greatly surprised and delighted by the news I will be giving you all... But until then, I would like to ask any willing participants to come up onto the stage and perform in a classic Chellish competition: The Dance of the Damned!
 
Civilla rightly suspects that NOT participating will reflect badly on us, even if it IS a hell-themed dance-off. Terzo requires some encouragement - his own religious beliefs mean he wants little to do with devils, even if they’re merely dance judges with ornamental pitchforks.
 
Civilla: Terzo, come along - you might not be as spry as you once were but surely you remember this much.
Terzo: That’s not the problem - I have religious objections to the entire theme.
Civilla: *hisses* You have religious objections? I’m a follower of the f***ing Redeemer Queen. SUCK IT UP!
 
Civilla and Avya both last to the end of the dance contest, partly thanks to Ayva’s sorcerer-level Charisma. Thrune is not entirely pleased with this result. By the rules of the ‘Dance of the Damned’ that makes them the ‘Saviours’ and Thrune was clearly expecting everybody to be eliminated by poor dancing and fatigue so ‘Lord Asmodeus could feast well’. Plus, now Thrune has to split the prize - a gold and ruby crown - between two people.
 
Civilla: I saw her dance, she clearly out-performed me.
Thrune: Very well *crowning Ayva*  I'll keep my eye on you for the rest of the night.
 
(the MASSIVE XP reward is also welcome - nice to see a challenge that actually requires social Skills)
 
As well as various things we’ve already resolved (or as actually responsible for) we do hear a very odd rumor after the dance-off. Somebody saw a blue dragon with a pentagram carved on its chest perched on the roof of the opera house last night. That sounds like the kind of devil-binding Asmodeans do (and that was done to the real Nox).
Despite Thrune’s increased attention, Ayva manages to sneak away again, and among other things finds the room that Thrune’s been using as a bedroom, at least until very recently. One feature is a life-sized statue of an elven woman, holding a scimitar in a position of horrified defense. She looks familiar. We’ve found out what happened to Shemsen. We have a few ways to get the petrified diva out of here - one option is turning her into a tattoo. Of course we’ll still have to de-petrify her. 
 
Civilla: Give me four days…….Two days……..One day and I’ll make an option that’ll work twice.
 
Civilla: I’ve just had a nasty thought - he’s not sleeping in that room anymore but the statue is still there. Time for Nox to make her appearance.
 
We pass off that miniature painting of our fake Nox to our agents in the Opera House, to hide behind a curtain somewhere out of the way. Rajira also discovers one of the ways Thrune is preventing any exploration of the underground levels - six hellhounds on patrol. Happily, even they can’t spot Rajira when she’s about her business. 
 
Everybody hurries back to the main hall in time for the unmasking - Civilla and Ayva are invited to join Barzillai on stage.
 
Civilla: … Of course we are.
 
This could be very bad - he IS an Inquisitor, Civilla is carrying a concealed weapon, and Thrune already has reasons to dislike her even before the unmasking and realises who she actually is.
 
GM: Everybody make Sense Motive checks.
All: f**********.

Thrune: And thus we come to the conclusion of tonight’s festivities. I would like to thank each and every one of you for making the Ruby Masquerade a night to truly remember.
 
Thrune’s dottari guards have blocked all the exits. Others are leading a chained woman up onto the stage. A woman that looks very like Nox. The Ghosts of Kintargo and our various allies have a sudden premonition that the manure is about to hit the windmill.
 
Civilla has made more than one compact during her rise to power, and one of those deals was made after she and Ayva originally created the fake Nox. That contract was made with the Bone Devil Cizmerkis, who had been responsible for the binding of Nox to House Thrune.
 
"In return for a boon no later than one year that does not violate Civila's ethics or morals, the Bone Devil known as Cizmerkis shall provide and maintain absolute confidentiality on the following items. The Contract that he held with Nox. The disposition of Nox's Soul. The contract detailed herein.”  
But when you make a deal with a devil, they’re eventually going to collect. She hears a voice in her head.
 
Cizmerkis: Ah, good, you’re in a perfect position to strike. I’m calling in that favor now. The Thrune has angered me, and I would like to cause a bit of Chaos… Kill him.
 
Civilla’s thoughts race through every possible reading of the contract, and whether this is a valid boon for the devil to claim. Killing Thrune in front of 300 witnesses might reflect badly on House Alazario, for one thing. 
 
Civilla: … F***.
 
Thrune: We have reached a turning point, all of us in Kintargo, and from this night onward, the city will look to what occurred this evening as a rallying point. A point where the city’s true villains were revealed, and it's true heroes were forced to save the day. A point where the so-called Ghosts of Kintargo showed their true colors—the colors of blood, of betrayal, and of death! Thank you, loyal sacrifices of Kintargo, for offering yourselves as the martyrs this city so desperately needs!
Civilla: DISPEL MAGIC - THRUNE.
 
The spell strips off just one of the dogbotherer’s many protections. He whirls on her in surprise and outrage.
 
Thrune: BETRAYER!
 
 
 
 

Pathfinder : Hell's Bright Shadow : Hammer To Fall
 
When you’re living in an authoritarian state run by the literal forces of Hell, you soon learn to watch your words carefully. Kintargo might be wildly permissive compared to the rest of Chelliax, and being of Good alignment isn’t illegal (yet), and being a worshipper of one of the Good gods isn’t illegal (yet), but since Barzillai Thrune arrived and declared he was now in charge, the authorities don’t need much excuse to arrest you, torture you (with fire), Infernally Heal you (more fire), repeat the process until you’ve incriminated all your friends and family members (repeat applications of fire) and if you’ve been a suitably large nuisance Maledict you and send your soul to Hell (see above). 
 
Even if you’re somebody that puts their duty to their heart before their duty to their country - which shouldn’t be difficult when the country is Chelliax - there is the very real threat that actually acting on any of that will not only get you horribly killed but also everybody you care about, even if they weren’t involved. So, to protect them, you drop any contact with them, and don’t do anything that could threaten them. Of course, this is an entirely desirable outcome as far as the Chellish government is concerned, and one reason Terzo drinks more than is healthy for him.
 
But then you get somebody doing something so egregious he annoys a good chunk of the population, and suddenly there’s no shortage of people with similar points of view. And that’s why, in the months after Barzillai Thrune shut down the opera, there’s a highly motivated rebellion brewing in Kintargo, and why Terzo, his friends, and large number of the rebellion’s operatives, are currently attending a masquerade ball announced by Thrune, at the Kintargo Opera House.
 
Terzo: Hopefully he won’t have a Zone of Truth set up at the door and ask everybody if they’re acting against the government of Chelliax.
 
On the other hand, our various teams of ninjas and socialites have the opera house so thoroughly mapped we even know where the secret rooms are. And we also have that secret base under the coffee shop with the shrine to Calistria that will boost our will saves against hypothetical Zones of Truth or similar compulsions. And if they're checking people for sword canes it won’t help them either, since Civilla has a sword parasol. It Shrinks to accessory-sized too. Civilla is taking Shimza as their plus-one, although the effects of the of Sex Change Elixir they’ve both been taking have likely been interesting, given that there’s no real visible change in either of them.
 
The rebellion has confirmed that Barzillai has ordered the construction of chambers beneath the opera house, some of which almost certainly connect to the endless caverns that run beneath the continent. This is a bit odd - House Thrune is more likely to build connections to the depths of Hell rather than the depths of the Underworld. 
 
Since our rebellion is crafted around being completely unnoticed right up until it’s time to stab Thrune in the neck, we pass a number of secrecy checks without much difficulty.
 
GM: *sigh* you have one of your Tengu in place as a security guard. SOMEHOW. AND you have a copy of the skeleton key that opens most of the doors in the building.
Civilla: Oh nonono, it’s not a Tengu, it’s the Dire Corby. It’s HER.
Avya: We’re all going to die.
Rajira: Who needs a murder of crows when we can just have a murder.
 
Rumour has it that Thrune will make an appearance at the end of the Ruby Masquerade and announce a lifting of some of the restrictions he’s placed on the city.
 
Terzo: A velvet glove around the iron fist.
 
Civilla nonetheless passes on word to the various rebellion cells to hold back on any troublemaking for the time being - if Thrune thinks the rumour is actually working, he’ll be doubly surprised by the aforementioned neck-stabbing.
 
Terzo is going to the Masque in a ludicrously over-the-top Red Death costume. He looks completely ridiculous, given his build compared to that of the famous opera character, but it will hopefully come as a great shock to Thrune’s dottari that, like the character, Terzo is actually an accomplished fencer. 
 

 
Civilla has also created a Costume Bureau, a Wondrous Item that can generate four complete outfits a day. 
 
Civilla: You CANNOT go to the ball like that - here, put this on. 
 
Although the outfits disintegrate after 24 hours.
 
Civilla: I’m doing better than Cinderella’s fairy godmother anyway. Actually that’s not a bad retirement option, maybe I’ll be a fairy godmother for a while.
 
Rajira is coming in a scandalously sheer outfit dripping with rubies. Shimza and Civilla’s outfits are matching mirror-images. Although a Dispel Magic would be unfortunate, since it would dispel the Glamour and the actual clothing. Luster (Civilla’s Homunculus) has an exact match of Civilla’s outfit, which is cute right up until the homunculus smiles - all the way back to the ears. Vino (her Capuchin Familiar) is wearing a matching waistcoat.  Ayva’s outfit might not display the same level of wealth, but does reflect her position in the social strata appropriately.
Everybody that attends the ball in an exceptional outfit has an advantage going in.
 
Civilla: MERELY exceptional??
 
Apparently Barzillai will be leading the Dance of the Damned an hour after the 300 or so guests are let in. And after the unmasking at midnight he’ll be making an announcement about the future of the city. Surprisingly, it looks like there’s representatives from most walks of life. Whilst quite a few of our allies are supposed to be dead or otherwise keeping a very low profile, we ensure Captain Sargaeta and his plus-one; the halfling Laria Longroad; Mialari Docur (founder of Lady Docur’s School for Girls and spymaster); and Archbaroness Eldonna Aulamaxa are also in the crowd - if the situation does hit the fan we’ll need help holding Thrune down for the neckstabbing. The fairy dragon Vendalfek is also attending, in a snazzy waistcoat, but nobody can see him since he’s invisible. It’s not like he’d miss a party.
 
Among the changes Thrune has made to the public levels are taking out all the seating, replacing the statue of the Opera’s founder with one of himself, various vainglorious painting of himself or literal hellscapes, a shrine to Asmodeus, three caged cockatrices hanging over the crowd, and no paintings of Queen Abrogail II. That last bit is very odd, given Thrune’s own proclamations.
 
Proclamation the Second   All places of public business must display in a position of prominence within the first room accessible from the building’s primary entrance a portrait of Her Infernal Majestrix Queen Abrogail II. Said portrait must measure no less than 11×17 inches.  
Terzo: Hmm. ‘A Rule for thee, but not for me’.
Ayva: I think he’s got us on a technicality.
Terzo: True - I don’t suppose the Opera House counts as a place of business, after he closed it. 
Civilla: It’s exactly the level of sophistry that we operate at, so we’ll leave it alone.
 
It certainly doesn’t seem wise to provoke Her Infernal Majestrix - she became the Queen under unusual circumstances - if you count her father Infrexus drowning in a country with no shortage of high-level clerics who can cast Raise Dead as unusual. But be that as it may, removing the statues and pre-existing paintings is just another attempt to destroy Kintargo’s history, probably, after the Redactors and whatever weird circumstance altered the memories even of very long-lived individuals that were actually around for events that nobody can seem to recall anymore. It is, after all, very odd that nobody seems to know how Kintargo and the surrounding area actually became part of Chelliax.
 
Civilla: My family are rather invested in the question of what happened to Kintargo’s history. In fact that was my first thought when I heard Thrune was digging - *he knows something*.
 
Terzo: Anybody want to place a bet on him dropping the cockatrices into the crowd at the climax of the night?
Rajira: Probably not, but it won’t mean we won't.
 

Having converted the minotaurs into wedding attire, the troubleshooters of Selversgard turn back towards the village. Shev travels far ahead, no doubt out of his excitement about the upcoming wedding, leaving the rest of us at something of a disadvantage when the weather takes a turn for the worse.
 
Miya: How do we know it’s a bad storm? The Treants have f***ed off into a cave.
GM: Can I get a Survival check from somebody?
Arram: You COULD but Shev isn’t here.
 
We huddle under an overhang without even the benefit of a giant riding rat to huddle against. At least Prestidigitation and Ember Pots get us warm and dry-ish, so we won’t be reenacting any Jack London stories. 
 
Shev’s player: ?
Gonno’s player: To Build A Fire. A short story about someone who repeatedly fails his Survival checks. 
 
A conversation is had about adventurers, and exactly what kind of mental damage makes running off to clear out a nest of vampires sound like a good idea.
 
Skave: At least contracting vampirism might solve the problem of my 30 year lifespan? How am I supposed to get anything done in three decades, is what I want to know.
Gonno: *tactfully not mentioning that he has a potential lifespan of hundreds of years* You could always take a run at the Starstone.
Arram: As I understand it, if you survive it you either become a god or the servant of a god. Is that the kind of immortality you actually want?
Gonno OoC: I’m picturing exactly what kind of principles Skave The God would embody. Unnecessarily Large Explosions, probably. He’d get on well with Nethys at least.
 
Miya’s pregnancy has started to show - since she’s non-human, there’s a chance of complications. At least she’s told her husband about them.
 
Miya: There’s a non-zero chance of kits instead of babies.
 
We hear somebody yelling for help out in the torrential rain - after some mental calculations about the odds of a second Leucrotta lurking in the woods around here, we investigate. 
 
Gonno: Hopefully not another idiot wizard from the Twilight Academy.
Arram: Well I’m good, I’m a sorcerer from the Twilight Academy.
Gonno OoC: Somebody needs to investigate the water supply at the Academy, because at the rate that their students go mad, wander off into the woods, or express other antisocial behaviour, I suspect the lead pipes are corroding
Miya OoC: There is likely an eldritch horror in the Attic and the basement, the lunch lady is a lich and the whole thing can be described as Creepy Spooky Haunted and Hydrocolonic.

There’s two human men, one of whom has carelessly misplaced an arm, being carried by the other. Both need immediate medical aid.
 
Arram: Anything following you we need to know about?
Chist: I.. I think we got away from it?
Arram: Just in case you didn’t, what was ‘it’?
 
Alveson and his less-mangled friend are from the Order of the Nail - Hell-knights. Hopefully they don't notice the way Gonno tenses up, since there’s no way the hell-knights have forgotten about his wife who escaped Cheliax, and the Order of the Nail are one of the most hard-line of the lot.
 
Arram OoC: They’re basically everybody that’s ever played a paladin wrong. 
 
Apparently the Hell-knights were out here to open a Gate, so they could escort a pair of Devils back to their base. This is nothing particularly unusual for Hell-knights, but it wasn’t the devils they expected that came through. 
 
Chist: There were four of them - they were humanoid. But blue.
Arram and Skave: ….
Chist: And covered in chains!
Arram: I was just about to ask that. 
Miya: Welp, we’re stuffed.
 
It’s hardly surprising that four Chain Devils was two much for two hell-knights.
 
Chist: It wasn’t just the two of us, we came out here with five others.
All: ….
Chist: I think the mage got three of them with a Flame Blast.
Arram: Yes yes, very good, it’s just that I believe Chain Devils have Regeneration.
 
At least the Gate closed after the remaining Clive Barker ripoff ripped off his various limbs. Leaving an open doorway to Hell seems like a bad thing. Going after four Chain Devils would also be a bad thing. We decamp in a hurry, but note as we leave that the still-ambulatory Hell-knight has a glowing rune painted on his chest.  Apparently that was part of the Gate-opening ritual. 
 
Arram: Well. That’s not good.
 
None of us have the Erase spell to sever the connection. And while Miya will happily flay the skin off him ( ‘Create Treasure Map’ as Skave puts it ) we don’t know if the rune connects his body or his lifeforce to the gate. It’s likely that killing him wlll sever the connection, but messing with the connection will likely kill him even if we don’t want to. And it’s possible the devils can use the rune to track Chist down, and possibly use him to force the Gate open again.
 
Miya: It’s probably quicker to go home.
Chist: Where’s home?
Miya: Thattaway. Or thataway? Give me a second.
Arram: Selversgard.
Chist: I haven't heard of it.
Arram: It’s small. Small enough that four chain devils could kill everybody there.
 
It’s a ten-day trip south to reach the Order of the Nail’s keep. Although if we can get back to the boats we left on the riverbank on the trip down, we can go downriver much faster than on foot. Very much faster, given what the weather is likely doing to the river’s flow.
 
Arram: Shev is probably going overland back to Selversgard anyway, on the All-terrain Rat Express.
 
The problem is finding where we left the boats, in horrendous weather, at night, while trying to avoid pursuit. We recamp. After force feeding him some healing potions, Alveron comes to, and confirms that the head wizard with their party screwed up, and opened the gate into a Chain Devil slave camp.
 
Skave: …. Well, that’s the worst possible wrong number.
Arram: I feel beholden to suggest mounting a rescue mission. But that is well outside our capabilities.
Miya: So we’re going to leave that to the Hell Knights who screwed up in the first place.
Alveson: That’s fair, that’s really quite fair.
 
Alveson also confirms that the rune is connected to the gate.
 
Alveson: Well, we can resolve that. But it will require a sharp knife and a great deal of pain for my colleague here.
Miya: Oh good, the sensible solution works.
Arram: Hold still, I’m just going to do some Subdual Damage on you with this blunt instrument.
Alveson: Ah, no, that won’t work. He needs to be conscious to will away the connection as we physically sever it.
Skave: … how big is this rune again?
GM: Most of his chest. 
All: … 
Miya: Well, I suppose we could use Arram’s Acid Splash, but either way this is going to SUCK. 
 
Skave has to do the flaying. At least Chist is tied down and gagged as the Ysoki peels off his skin, piece by piece. He even stays conscious for the entire procedure, which takes nine rounds. No doubt because Skave’s paw is shaking a bit. 
 
Skave: You are *exceptionally* lucky you ran into me. 
All: ….
Skave: …Us, I mean Us.

At least the procedure seems to have worked, and when the sun rises we can hurry to the boats. Alveson isn’t going to be much use, sans spellbook and arm, but at least Chist can use that magical boar spear we found, and we still have the spellbook we found in the Leucrotta lair.
 
Arram: Oh gods, that thing - I warn you, the contents have a particular… flavour. Probably all necromancy, and we’re pretty sure it’s bound in human skin.
 
Arram: If that necromancer’s spellbook had Erase in it I’m going to be very embarrassed.
 
When we reach the boats, something is sitting on one of the boats combing her hair.
 
Miya: Don’t be Fae, Don’t be Fae, Don’t be Fae…
GM: It’s Fae.
Arram: Morning
Naiad: Oh! Good morning! Are these yours?
Arram: Yes, actually.
Naiad: I hope you don’t mind - I was merely using one as a place to sit.
Arram: Not a problem - but you might want to make yourself scarce. There’s a bunch of chain devils on the loose, and some of us have already run afoul of them.
Naiad: Oh, that is NOT good.
Arram: Quite. You might want to let everybody that needs to, know.
 
The Naiad leaves, without turning its Beguiling Aura on Arram or the rest of us.
 
Skave: Well, I’ve learned something - Arram has to be gay.
Miya OoC: He’s a sorcerer, his Charisma is ungodly high.
Arram: It’s all werewolves or Fae around here and personally I’d rather deal with the Fae.
Miya: Fae, werewolves or big f***ing spiders.
 
We leave a message for Shev in a waterproof sack, phrased ambiguously enough that the Chain Devils won’t immediately know which way we went, or that Selversgard is upriver, in case Shev comes looking for us when we don’t turn up. Unfortunately we’re attacked by a giant fish while we travel downstream.
 

 
Skave: *shakes Arram* SET IT ON FIRE, SET IT ON FIRE!
 
Miya gets engulfed.
 
Miya: Tell my husband I love him! Assuming I actually die!
 
Of course this about when Shev catches up with us, and sees us finally subduing the monstrous stickleback.
 
Shev: Pull that on board, that’s good eating!
Arram: Good luck with that, it’s bigger than the boat! Also it’s eaten most of Miya’s arm, we should probably do something about that.
 
We camp on the far side of the river to make things more difficult for the Chain Devils, just in case. Shev also has a camp oven that doesn’t produce smoke or light, which is also helpful in our current situation. For some reason the forest on this side of the river has been replaced with fens - fortunately we can find a dry hollow to camp in.
 
Skave: Keep an eye out for leeches… I need them for alchemy ingredients.
Gonno: Hopefully we’re all smart enough to avoid throat leeches.
 
And Shev never sleeps on the ground anyway - he has two hanging tents with excellent camouflage. Hopefully we won’t wake up with the rest of us dead.
 
Shev’s player: Won’t be the first time I’ve slept through combat.
 
Once again, the party is fortunate that Vokk the Giant Riding Rat is a light sleeper - something is happening near the boats.
 
Shev: Animal companions exist to show us up.
Shev: I’m pretty sure a gunshot is a suitable alarm, but I don’t want to wake the others up if I don’t have to. 
 
It’s a giant dragonfly nymph, settling itself to ambush us in the morning. Shev returns to the camp to prepare breakfast - we can deal with it in the morning. 
 
Shev: Welcome to camping in this forest.
Miya: Giant insects, arachnids, and Fae, oh my!
Shev (upbeat):  Don’t forget the werewolves!
 
Rather more problematic is that something eats half the giant nymph before dawn - and Shev didn’t see or hear what did it. (interesting fact -aquatic insect nymphs are called naiads)
 
Shev: Well, whatever it was it only ate half of it, so it’s not hungry.
 
The rest of the trip to the lake and the Hellknight keep is uneventful - Shev rides Vok in the river while the rest of us continue in the boat. Arrival at the keep is uneventful too - nobody challenges us as we approach. In fact the entire keep is still and silent. This is ominous. The boot sticking out under a bush is more so. It probably wasn’t the bush that beat the boot owner's head in. 
 
Arram: It might be a Whomping Wisteria
 
Whatever did it left all his gear here, including magical armour. And Chist identifies the body as one of the full Hell-knights. He didn’t even have his weapon out.
 
Skave OoC: Preliminary cause of death… murder-hoboes.
Miya OoC: But we’re murder-hoboes!
 
No we’re not - we haven't even looted the corpse yet. Around the corner some unfortunate woman has been pinned to the wall by multiple primitive javelins. And the portcullis has been jammed open with a man-sized boulder. Alveson identifies her as the head mage at the keep.
 
Arram: I’m really hoping whoever did this isn’t here anymore, to be honest. Can we make sure we move anything that’s been spilled on the floor? So we have a clear run for the door if we have to.
 
Neither Chist or Alveson recognise the make of the javelins, so it probably wasn't some group the Hell-knights annoyed recently. Perhaps some Orc warparty out of the Cinderlands? On the other hand, Miya recalls that the nearby town of Biston had a major problems with an infestation of Troglodytes recently, and there is certainly a smell in the keep that Vok does NOT like. Alveson finds the body of his brother among the dead, and is understandably distressed. 
 
We attempt to clear the portcullis - and hear rustling in the bushes. Shev takes aim.
 
Miya: Do we want to call out a warning? ‘Show yourselves or be considered bandits’
 
The warning is somewhat pointless - Troglodytes don’t speak Common. They speak Draconic.
 
Troglodyte: *in Draconic* This is our land now.
Arram: We WERE here to ally with the Hell-knights to fight devils.
Troglodyte: FIGHT devils? They SUMMON devils!
Arram: Yeah sometimes it doesn’t go to plan.
Troglodyte: You side with Hellknights?
Arram: Yeah, these two, at least - I like them.
Troglodyte: KILL THEM ALL
Shev: I don’t speak Draconic but the tone suggests ‘Talks have broken down’.
 
After the fight, which we survive and they don’t, we search the corpses and find a few lucky talismans their shaman gave them.
 
Gonno: I don’t think they worked.
 
Although we don’t have any reason to feel smug about our victory - we don’t know how many troglodytes the Hell-knights managed to kill before they were overwhelmed.
 
Shev: I actually got a second shot off before it misfired!
Miya: Clearly Erastil is pleased with you.
 
Miya: And now we have to deal with the Chain Devils by ourselves.
 
At least it’s only a day more travel to the lakeside fishing town of Biston. It has a population of over 200.
 
Gonno: If I knew we were coming to the big city I’d have got a shopping list from the wife.
 
There are quite a few Hell-knights at their building in the town - it appears they are mustering. That’s helpful - maybe they’re in the mood for a snipe hunt. Their leader Esteria receives Chist and Alveson’s report, and invites all of us up to her office, a small and tasteful room (the shrine to Asmodeus in one corner notwithstanding).
 
Esteria: Leave your rat in the stables, they’ll feed and water it.
Shev: Are they familiar with giant riding rats?
Esteria: They’d better be.
 
Apparently Biston and the outpost haven't been the only targets of troglodyte attacks in the area. She really can’t spare the men to deal with chain devils as well, even though she acknowledges we really aren’t equipped to deal with one, let alone four. On the other hand, if we help her with the troglodyte issue… at least she has a map of the tunnels the hero Biston used to attack the troglodytes from behind, back before he had the town named after him.  Vok can confirm that the tunnel only smells slightly of Troggies. On the other hand, it also smells of Something Else. We head in anyway - we have the advantage of Darkvision that the Hellknights don't. Hopefully we won’t be down here too long - our friends and family might start wondering where we are by the end of the second week. 
 
Before we find any cave dwelling lizard-types, we find a 60ft deep pit, lined with spikes, and including a noteworthy number of naked impaled dwarves. 
 
Arram: How long have they been there?
GM: Well, they’re not… 
Arram: Liquified?
 
It is possible the dwarves slid down the shaft we descended, and straight into the pit trap, but that wouldn’t explain why they’re naked. 
 
Arram: Hey Shev, we need you to climb down this hole full of naked dwarves.
Shev: Fffffffffff-
Arram: Don’t worry, they’re dead.
 


Miya: To be fair we haven’t actually *checked* they’re dead.
 
They are dead, but they’re not dwarves. They might be some other subterranean race, like the sadistic Dero.
 
Gonno OoC:  Richard Sharpe Shaver’s paranoid schizophrenia has a lot to answer for. 
 
It’s also not clear who or why somebody cut their throats and dumped them in the pit.
 
Shev: We’re here to kill trogs, let's go kill trogs. 
 
We find some trogs - guarding the ends of a rope bridge. Each has a gong.
 
Arram: The monk can bullrush one, and when the other one hits the gong you can fire your gun to cover the noise.
 
Gonno does, indeed, run up and push the first Troglodyte into the chasm. The rest of the party use a variety of ranged attacks, of the quieter variety. We are now in position to launch a sneak attack on a village of troglodyte non-combatants.
 
Gonno OoC: And here was me thinking we WEREN’T playing murder-hoboes.
 
Unfortunately, Gonno and Miya, both completely fail to notice that the party is being snuck up on from behind. Despite being at the back of the party precisely to stop this sort of thing happening. 
 
Miya OoC: I’m definitely going to retire and raise kids, things keep trying to eat me. 
 
Gonno doesn’t even notice Miya has been dragged off until a second tentacle wraps around his own neck. Fortunately the rest of the party actually glance over their shoulders and save the pair, without actually alerting the troglodytes with the sound of combat, or wheezing after the Oread and Foxmaid are released. Sneaking closer, we overhear the troglodyte leadership having some kind of argument with drow. This is a perfect opportunity for Arram to cast Web over the entrance to the chamber, and yell, in Draconic, “Our objectives are achieved! Slay the rest of the Troglodytes!”. 
 
GM: Well, you’ve done something very smart
Miya’s player: Are you sure you’re talking about the right game?
 
The drow and troglodytes promptly start murdering each other. We wait to see who survives - the drow priestess is a contender by the look of it. Although she probably wasn’t *planning* on killing one of her own compatriots with an area effect spell, but he was male and who knows with drow.
 
Arram’s player: We’ve just made the GM roll attacks against his own NPCs for 30 minutes.
Shev’s player: Sorry not sorry.
 
Killing a member of her own party was probably a tactical error, since the Troggie king follows up by cutting her in half. He’s also bright enough to start wondering why the supposed drow treachery was yelled in his language, and spots us waiting for more free XP. Still, now it’s 6-to-1 odds in our favour. 
 
Gonno OoC: Although after watching him bisect that elf, we probably shouldn’t have closed to melee range.
 
We find some documents proving the drow were conspiring to use the troglodytes as an organised threat to civilisations on the surface. Also evidence that quite a few drow have been through here. Miya has Arram leave a note - written in Draconic, in the drow’s handwriting, pinned to the late king’s eyesocket “Death to those that betray the Drow”.
 
Unfortunately we then have to sneak back out past the troglodyte village. 
 
Miya: We pick up the sorcerer and leg it.
 
After all these detours, we finally start heading home towards Selversgard.
 
Skave: Brother. This had better be the best wedding ever.
 
It’s also a relief that the chain devils haven’t found Selversgard, but we have a lot to tell the mayor and militia anyway, and a lot of apologies for everybody that's been worried about us. Certainly nothing really major happens for the next nine months, apart from the setting up of a Warrenguard by the ratfolk. 
 
Arram: The first I’m doing after we report to the Mayor is collapse into the bed for 24 hours, after all that bulls***t.
GM: Shev, would you care to make a Diplomacy roll?
Shev: I CAN but it’ll be abysmal.
GM: Would you prefer your brother address the Council?
Shev: He’s just as bad!
 
Although one discovery the ratfolk make while excavating is a hidden tunnel connecting the sewer, a hidden dock north of town, and the boarded-up Tolland Manor in the middle of Selversgard owned by a now extinct family. The rumours of a haunt are one reason it hasn’t been reoccupied. A bigger mystery is who would need a smuggling tunnel - Selversgard has no tariffs. 
 
To everybody’s surprise, Gonno & Galiante are already expecting a second child. Apparently, despite being a tiefling and a part-elemental, they are really compatible. Miya’s sister-in-law  moves in as a nanny for her & Falx’s apparently human son.
 
Gonno: If you ever want privacy again I know where a house is going unused.
 
Alternatively, we can use Tolland Manor as a proper school building - Arram is certainly willing and able to pay the requisite 5000gp to refurbish it, and it's not like potential undead are going to worry somebody who thinks the Twilight Academy is a fine educational institution. Arram is now one of Selversgard’s most eligible bachelors (certainly since the other PCs are all married now) which may explain why that teenager we rescued two years back is inexpertly trying to seduce him. 
 
Skave is a father again as well - but tragically his wife didn’t survive the birth. Even magical healing can only go so far. He’s emotionally ill-equipped to deal with this. So now he has three ratlings to raise, and a wet nurse to find.
 
GM: Miya might be able to do it.
Miya: I have seen rat teeth, so no. Especially if I have to deal with fox teeth as well.
 
Shev finds a bride as well, although is at a loss about what to do next - as far as social adjustment goes he’s not much better than his brother.
 
Miya: I’m afraid my perspective isn’t going to be very useful.
 
All these new children and new marriages (especially to forceful wives like the ratwoman Ranger Cidi) are good reasons to reduce the amount of stabbing gribbly-monster-stabbing we’ve been doing. What do we look like, adventurers?
 
Miya: Something has tried to kill me *every year*.
 
Miya sets up a dojo to train up the Selversgard Militia, but trying to get the council to actually fund the militia is like squeezing blood from a stone. At least we have all that loot from the troglodyte and drow incident to sell, and supply a proper armory and probably pay for a militia too. And maybe if we promote more business connections with the cities downriver, we might have an economy large enough to support actual taxation.
 

Pathfinder : Hell's Bright Shadow - Runing Up That Hill
 
Ayva and Civilla have combined their art and magic skills to create a painted construct version of Nox, Thrune’s late bodyguard. In a move that will no doubt infuriate Thrune when he finds out, the fake Nox is clearly now ‘redeemed’ and a follower of the good gods, in the form of less black leather. There’s also the advantage that the painted version is mostly unkillable.
 
Civilla: ‘We killed the traitor! Wait, she’s back’
Ayva: It could be a hundred years later and the painted version will still be protecting this city. I love that. 
 
They can even hide her inside a separate painted locket.
 
It’s probably just as well that Terzo isn’t around for some of his colleagues' discussions, such as their thoughts about a blood bank run by vampires.
 
Rajira: Bloooood.
Ayva: It’s the currency of the soul.
 
Ayva: ‘This one must be a diabetic, it’s quite nice.’
Rajira: ‘Very Sweet.’
 
Apparently this week we have to deal with the mountain fortress in the Menador Gap, one of the main passes between Kintargo and the bulk of the Chellish Empire - the most important pass now the Glorious Reclamation elsewhere in Chelliax is causing major international problems.
 
Terzo: How much do you want to bet they've improved their security protocols after that time we walked into the prison and walked out with all the prisoners.
Rajira: It’s hard to improve your security when you don’t know what went wrong.
 
Leaving nobody alive behind you (and more then once, no bodies either) is helpful that way.
 
GM: I need to send you some more images for NPC standees, the pawn package was missing some.
Rajira’s player: … oh, P. A. W. N. 
Terzo’s player: I was wondering.
Rajira’s player: Hey, I‘m Calistrian, we’re open-minded.
 
Our ally Raxus discovered something rather interesting about the keep - apparently the dwarven engineers that built the place included a self-destruct mechanism in case the pass had to be sealed completely. The Silver Ravens intended to use the mechanism, or an Earthquake spell, and weren’t particularly concerned by the subsequent loss of life since the keep is currently held by troops loyal to House Thrune. Lictor Octavio Sabinus, formerly of the Hellknight Order of the Torrent, points out that even a spell of that magnitude might not destroy the fortress, and might kill or destroy valuable prisoners, magical items, or information. And anyway, leaving any survivors is out-of-character of the Ghosts of Kintargo.

Terzo: I regret to say my first question is ‘how many taverns are there between Kintargo and the mountains’, because I can’t carry that much booze.
 
Fortunately the rebellion has enough funds and allies now that Terzo can acquire a second carriage and footmen we can actually trust. 
 
The current commander of the keep is one Lucian Thrune, who is not exactly pleased about being way out here, although it does keep him out of harm's way of the Glorious Reclamation, and rumour says he isn’t getting much sleep due to understandable stress.
 
Civilla: Interesting, interesting
Ayva: I can hear the evil laughter from here, Civilla
Rajira: I don’t suppose you have any dream magic?
Civilla: Funny you should mention that…
 
Lucien also has a pet wyvern that he raised from an egg. And they’re pretty scrupulous about only letting merchants with the proper papers, known agents of Thrune, and members of the Church of Asmodeus, into the keep and through the pass. The best idea we can come up with to get inside the keep and not be watched too closely is if we pretend to be retainers of House Thrune, there to collect a high-value prisoner on behalf of Lord Inquisitor Barzillai. Lucian Thrune might well have questions, but we can honestly say that the Inquisitor isn’t going to tell his minions anything they don’t need to know.
 
Civilla: ‘We don’t know the name of the prisoner, we don't know who is delivering them, our orders are simply to collect the prisoner and return to Kintargo.’
 
Of course we’ll have to have suitable uniforms, paperwork, and repaint one of the carriages.
 
Terzo OoC: So, anybody know the nearest chop shop?
Ayva OoC: Yes, the local butcher does a good line in sausages.
 
Fortunately, even when he rolls a Nat 1, Terzo’s Diplomacy is high enough that he clears the Ears of the City check and confirms that the soldiers in the Keep have heard all kinds of rumours about Nox - that she’s variously been killed, on a secret mission for House Thrune, or that she turned traitor, was captured, and welded into her own armour. We might still be able to use the fake Nox as a decoy.
 
Keep Soldier: Hail travelers! I must inform you that passage through the Gap is currently restricted! State your business!
‘Sergeant’ Rajira : *salutes* Soldiers of Thrune! Here to collect a prisoner! *holds up forged letters*
Keep Soldier: Enter for inspection! Open the gate!
Rajira: Come on you slovenly lot! And don’t embarrass me!
 
Ayva (not entirely out of character): It’s not that we mind the city being put under an iron boot, we just object to it not being OUR iron boot.
 
There are eight armed soldiers in the courtyard, and Lucian Thrune.
 
Ayva: Fortunately this courtyard is the exact right size and shape for a Fireball. 
 
Lucian doesn’t look like he’s slept in days. Rajira salutes and bows, explains why we’re supposedly here, and hands over the documents, which drip with all the dire penalties one might expect for anybody impeding the mission.
 
GM: *sigh* and like so many of the NPCs in this adventure Lucian does not have a Sense Motive skill.
 
Lucian directs us to the common rooms for now. Apparently he has some kind of minor genie servant, by the name of Zorumar, who doesn’t look very happy about being at Lucian Thrune’s beck and call, or being ordered to provide us with food and refreshments. 
 
‘Sergeant’ Rajira: Line up, you lot and look grateful!
Ayva: We are grateful for the slop we are about to receive!
‘Corporal’ Civilla: That might offend our hosts.
Ayva: Sir! Sorry Sir!
‘Sergeant’ Rajira: I’m a sergeant, I work for a living.
 
At least Zorumar appreciates our thanks, and even apologises that he can’t provide more than Created Food And Water for now. Rajira dismisses the rest of us and Terzo sidles off to join the nearest card game. Rajira and Civilla get one of the guest rooms - the rest of our party will be staying in the barracks. Apparently Zorumar cooks all the food for the keep, and does the cleaning, and is forbidden from using any of his magic apart from Create Food and Water. That does suggest one ‘in’ for us - if Sergeant Rajira orders us to help with the cleaning rather than stand around like soldiers with too much time on their hands, we’ll get a good look around. Instead, Civilla plans to send the fake Nox out to look around the fortress - she’s a very sneaky painting. And, after all, ‘Nox’ will be making a dramatic appearance as the keep is destroyed, anyway. 
 
Civilla has her Homunculus to scout out the keep while Terzo keeps the garrison amused with a singalong, but it couldn't find the self-destruct. Although there was a whole bit with the wyvern scaring the pants off Civilla when she was looking through the eyes of her homunculus and it got within licking distance...
 
Instead, we take advantage of Lucian Thrune’s massive sleep debt - it would seem he’s been hitting the Mwangian Marching Powder hard. One Sleep spell from Terzo cancels all the effects of the Insomnia Powder, and the commander promptly passes out. Rajira helpfully gives him an ear exam with a six-inch dagger.
 
Then we made friends with his captive Genie, who does know where the self-destruct is.
 
Terzo OoC: So as usual we identified and recruited everybody that was here under duress, and are preparing to murder everybody else
Rajira OoC: Yup. Civilla even talked the Genie into rescuing the two halflings in the cells when he leaves.
 
Civilla: Unfortunately none of us are dwarves, although Terzo might pass. 
Terzo: Alas, I brought wine, not ale.
 
The route to the Big Red Button has statues, which is about as likely to instill paranoia as a hall lined with suits of armour. There’s also pretty clear evidence that the dwarves set this place to their own tastes, so it’s just as well that we know enough about other religions (despite Chellish laws) to fake it. Unfortunately the security systems can also detect Evil, which means they take considerable interest in some of the party members. 
 
Terzo: Well, clearly they’re faulty, none of my friends are Evil.
Civilla: You KNOW some of us are selfish. You KNOW this.
Terzo OoC: And Denial is not just a river in Osirion.
Ayva OoC: Yes, it runs through some other countries too.
 
Although it turns out the actual problem is some of the equipment Rajira is using. Civilla conceals her true Alignment as a matter of course. Rajira hurriedly changes what she reads as.
 
Archon: WHY HAVE YOU COME
Rajira: To destroy this structure
Civilla: *headdesk* Because the gates have been taken by the enemy - forces loyal to Asmodeus.
 
Civilla: They’re ARCHONS, they probably aren’t even aware that Cheliax exists, that’s Prime Material Plane business.
 
Archon: So the time has come to destroy the keep. Make sure you set the timer correctly. 
Civilla: Right, how do we do that, exactly?
 
It’s also fortunate that Civilla’s insatiable appetite for book-learning included Dwarven Runes and engineering.
 
Civilla: This is arcane. In the normal sense, not the magical one, I mean. They’ve used fifteen different versions of the word for ‘chain’ and every different version for ‘crank’!
Terzo: Knowing dwarves, this probably wasn’t innuendo?
Ayva: Not unless they had a really intense fetish for technobabble.
 
It’s also pretty important that we know which timekeeping system the builders used - not a simple question. Hopefully we’ve set it to go off in 20 minutes. Even more hopefully, the garrison don’t stop us from leaving. Happily, it’s not like we had to fight our way out again. We can very easily claim to have received new orders by Shadow Eagle. 
 
Civilla: They kinda want us to leave anyway.
Terzo: Surely my singing wasn’t that bad.
Ayva: I would never tell you that.
 
We’re watching from a safe distance as the ground starts to shake, the building starts to crumble, and the mountain pass collapses into impassable rubble.
 
GM: For once, you guys are the load-bearing boss.
 
Terzo: I am feeling a bit guilty about that - these guys were just soldiers. It’s not like they were torturers or redactors.
Civilla: If they didn’t get out when the building started shaking it’s their own damn fault.
Rajira: You fight for Cheliax, you get the horns.
 
A few of the rank-and-file were fast enough to get out. The wyvern flies in circles over the wreckage, looking for its master.
 
Rajira: That’s the one I feel bad about, it’s just an animal.
Civilla: Rajira, Rajira, don’t weep for the stupid. You’ll be at it all day.
 
Zorumar, as promised, has left the halfling prisoners near our disguised carriage, and a generous gift for freeing him - a magic carpet. The halflings would no doubt prefer to escape to freedom, but it is unfortunately probably safer for them to stay with us, and act as Civilla’s slaves, which is the usual fate of halflings in the Chellish empire. But destroying the keep is very clear evidence that there is an organized conspiracy against Barzillai Thrune. He might well take the rumours seriously, now. Especially when we have our fake Nox drag some of the survivors out of the rubble, saying only “I’m sorry, but it had to be done”. There’s also the factor that our rebellion contacts and cells are so thoroughly established around Kintargo that it’s our influence, and not Thrune’s jackbooted thugs, that’s keeping the streets quiet. In fact a good number of his street patrols are actually on our side.
 
Civilla: Most rebellions fail because they launch their takeover before they have the populace on their side. We are not going to make that mistake.
 
Barzillai Thrune: It’s quiet. Too quiet. *distant boom* What was that? 
Minion: Uh… that was our only access to reinforcements. 
 

Fixing the cisterns is going to be a major engineering problem.
 
Gonno: Possibly we should hire some dwarves.
Shev: That's racist. Assuming Dwarves would be the best engineers available.
Miya: Quite. I've met some very capable elves.
Shev: Excuse me, we’re RIGHT HERE.
 
Certainly, the ratboi Skave has some good ideas regarding the first cistern. And the Ysoki probably have a cousin they can get in to draw up the blueprints. 
 
Shev: I’ll make sure any blueprints Skave draws up are kept away from any open flames.
GM: I don’t think he drew them on flashpaper.
Shev: You’ll be amazed what a trace of sulphur infused in the paper will do.
 
Kaegor, the head of the town militia, is elected the next mayor. He’s a retired fighter.
 
A joyous occasion! Miya’s wedding day! To the most eligible bachelor in town, Falx Vandruber, miller and grinder.
 
GM: So you take his surname?
Miya: Since I didn’t have one, yes!
 
Gonno makes sure to have a proper marriage bed carved in time for the wedding, so they can be carried into their house on it. He’s going to be busy - there’s four other marriages on the same day.
 
Shev: But not me. I’m starting to get some funny looks from the colony. I’m 19! I thought I’d met someone but they kept turning into a human every month. 
All: ….
Miya: I think I missed something. 
 
Skave has two ratlings now, though. Shev believes the reason that he isn’t married yet is because he’s an insufficiently good catch as a husband. Since he’s a follower of the god Erastil, he decides that the obvious solution is to hunt something suitably impressive - like a griffon. Gonno, who got his wife simply by being a nice guy, refrains from comment. Apparently, according to our friendly neighborhood dryad, there’s griffons nesting on some cliffs 5 days walk south of Selversgard that have been causing some problems. We’ll probably have to take silver, since we’re traveling during the full moon and werewolves are known from the area. Admittedly Gonno doesn’t have to worry about lycanthropy, since technically he isn’t a humanoid. It’s the same reason Enlarge Person didn’t work on him in the ant nest.
 
Arram: Tieflings make good werewolf hunters. Not much good if you're fighting Smokey the Were-bear though.
Shev: I don’t want to hear about bringing any of the eggs home to raise - they’re intelligent creatures and some of the gods consider that slavery.
Arram: A bit ironic given you plan on killing them
Shev: The gods can be funny that way.
 
Shev: If you see any unusual trees on the trip, DON’T TOUCH THEM. They’re probably dryad homes.
Miya: So don’t go around feeling up any dryads, Gonno, your wife will be annoyed.
Shev: It’s just occurred to me that the neighborhood dryad might be slightly pissed with me that I’m trying to find a mate (that isn’t her) and she’s sending me down there to die.
 
Arram also points out that griffons are sufficiently vengeful that any survivors will certainly follow us back to Selversgard.
 
Arram: In fact I’m pretty sure all the leonine creatures are sapients - although some of them are d***ks.
Miya: Nobody cares if you kill a Manticore.
 
Arram: It’s also a bad idea to pick a fight with anything powerful enough to generate a sorcerer bloodline.
 
So, it would seem the griffon idea is a bad one, although crossed wires are understandable when it comes to what a dryad considers ‘causing problems’. Perhaps they were using a dryad’s tree as a scratching post. She does suggest an alternate target - a minotaur. Those are certainly problematic.
 
Shev: When a minotaur has a problem, they make it everybody’s problem. 
 
Just in case the minotaur has a briar maze rather than anything more traditional, Shev makes sure that Gonno brings his tree felling gear. Both of them already carry chalk. 
 
Shev’s player: And not Arram’s maze-clearing method - we’re saving that as a last resort. You know, I’ve got a mage character that can’t start forest fires?
Arram: Then what even is the point?
 
Unfortunately our chosen path will require a large detour around a completely overgrown valley.
 
Skave: We can always make our own path.
Arram: Your opinions regarding anything fire-related do not count.
Miya: He only set the crops on fire once.
Arram: And Me Twice.
 
Gonno, bringing up the rear of the march, thinks he spots something running across the track behind us. Quadrupedal, he thinks, but not at all sure. Shev can’t find any tracks, which is odd, since his tracking skills are sufficient to find tracks on bare rock.
 
Skave: Great, we’re being followed by a ghost.
Shev: Worse, a ghost-pirate-ninja
Skave: THAT’S WORSE.
 
Unfortunately Gonno and Arram, on the middle watch, think it’s a perfectly fine idea to wander off after a mysterious voice calling Gonno’s name in the middle of the night. Luckily for the party, Vok, the riding rat, is unaffected by the Mass Suggestion spell, and his squealing wakes up everybody else. 
 
Skave: I throw my pillow at Vok.
 
The rather horrendous badger-headed deer-thing waiting to devour Gonno and Arram attempts to do so. Gonno does not fare well, and if it wasn’t for Vok he would now be quite dead. As it is, he’s only mostly dead. Fortunately for him, the creature opts to retreat when everybody else comes after it. Unfortunately, it promptly turns around to attack everybody that doesn’t stop to help Gonno. Miya goes down. 
 
Gonno OoC: Well, look on the bright side, if we do manage to kill this thing we don’t have to go after the minotaur. 
 
The creature is rather shocked to learn what Shev’s blackpowder weapon can do - presumably it’s never seen one before. It retreats again. Unfortunately the musket misfires on the second shot AGAIN. Miya and Gonno get dragged back to the campsite before the monster returns. Arram recognises it as a Leucrotta. Leucrottas are reputed to be unholy hybrids of hyenas and a demon lord, can lure people away with mimicry, and can bite through steel. It only knew Gonno’s name because somebody asked Gonno if he saw anything, when it was stalking us earlier.
 
Skave spends the rest of the day giving Gonno and Miya what medical aid he can provide. As far as we know, Leucrotta don’t have Regeneration, so it’s probably out there licking its wounds. Shev wants to track it down and finish it off as soon as Gonno and Miya are up to fighting again. Fortunately for us, our collective sneakery is better than its perception, and we have it cornered in a small cave. 
 
Gonno tries to punch it in the face - unwise with something that can bite through steel - but between Shev’s duckfoot pistol and Arram’s sorcerous pryomania the creature is not a problem for long. It has a well-chewed spellbook among the debris in its lair. The symbol on the cover is that of the evil god Norgorber, and unsurprisingly the cover is made from human leather. 
 
Gonno: No wonder the beast was chewing on it.
 
The number of deranged and evil wizards in the woods around Selversgard DOES seem disproportionately high. You have to wonder why they keep wandering off and getting themselves killed.
 
Shev: Dude, the Twilight Academy is JUST OVER THERE.
GM: Is it any wonder you keep running into wizards like this?
Arram: Lot of weirdos at that school. That said I can probably sneak in there if we ever need to - get my Illuminati robes.
 
We also find an IOUN stone - an orange pyramidal form, which is promptly orbiting Shev’s head.
 
Shev: What’s it do?
Arram: I’m tempted to say it’s the cursed one.
 
It’s cracked, so the only thing the stone can do is grant Prestidigitation.
 
Skave: Otherwise known as Least Wish.
Shev: AKA Spell Not On My List - gimme!
 
Unfortunately the monster won’t make a suitable trophy for Shev.
 
Shev: Leucrottas are Ugly As F***
Arram: But if you kill a Minotaur and hang its head on the wall it just looks like you killed a cow.
 
Further on, we encounter a foul-smelling, oily pit, with a truly gigantic oak tree overhanging the hole. It smells like several million years of death. That’s because it’s petroleum.
 
Skave: Shev, can you get me a sample?
Tree: I have no objection…. ….  but I doubt … it will be of use for you.
All: ….
Tree: *turning to look at Shev* Greetings … …  little one. 
 
According to the treant, the stuff is poisoning the local vegetation. He’d quite like the stuff neutralized, but that requires Skave’s alchemical knowledge. The treant moves off as the Ysoki works. Shev thinks a treant would be very useful for turning over the soil, if they could be persuaded to stay near town.
 
Miya: It might be worth keeping in mind what our village is known for. Asking a treant to hang around a lumber town might be in bad taste.
GM: It’s a purely natural material.
Shev: So’s Arsenic.
 
Unfortunately, since it’s natural, there’s no magical solution to neutralize it. It might be valuable to certain alchemists, but that would attract more humanoids to the deep woods. 
 
Shev: Your best bet is to find an Earth Elemental to help you.
Miya: That or find a wizard who knows Fireball.
Shev: NO.
 
We promise to get the druids involved, and he tells us where to find the minotaur.
 
Treant: As far as I know… …. … there is only one.
Shev: oh GOOD. Arram, how good are you at NOT using fire?
Treant: *waves slowly goodbye* Watch out…. For the sprites….
 
The sprites are actually inclined to help us - the Minotaur kidnapped their chief’s daughter, in order to pressure their shaman to make magical items for them. The entire sprite community have to go collecting material components. The one talking to us has a list - but it’s almost too small for us to read. And it’s in Sylvan. Happily, Arram can read Sylvan and has glasses to magnify it with. The Minotaur has been stocking up on healing potions. Unfortunately, the Minotaur has built his labyrinth in a cave. It would appear the dryad's little bird friends aren’t a very reliable information source. Happily, Vok can track by scent, which makes navigating the maze much more easy. Upon coming up to a door, Skave unlocks it, then steps back. Unhappily, nobody detects the giant Solifugid hiding behind it.
 
Miya: It looks like what spiders have nightmares about!
Skave: This is why I let other people open the doors!
Gonno OoC: No wonder the Minotaur needs all those healing potions, with these things wandering about.
Miya OoC: It was behind a locked door, I think we can assume he knew it was there.
 
At least if we die we’re all guaranteed a pretty good afterlife, should we die down here. Even followers of Asmodeus go to hell and get trained out of silly ideas like ‘free will’. In much the same way the Bessemer Process removes impurities from iron.
 
Arram: A fear of death is highly suspicious.
Miya: Spoken like a true inquisitor.
 
While we’re patching ourselves up, the Minotaur is sneaking up on us in the dark, holding a very large crossbow.
 
Arram: COW!!!!!
Miya: Finally, something intelligent that isn’t a bug *feints*
 
The Minotaur flees back into its maze, wounded. This could be very bad, if it’s heading off to kill the sprite hostage.
 
Skave: Get back here and fight, you overgrown hamburger!
 
Unfortunately it turns out the treant and the sprites were as badly misinformed as the dryad - there’s a second Minotaur.
 
Skave: …. It’s right behind me, isn’t it.
 
The little alchemist is violently gored. And that Minotaur goes violently berserk when it sees what we’ve done to the first.
 
Gonno OoC: Look on the bright side, Shev, you won't have to get married because it looks like you’ll be adopting your brother’s kids. 
 
Vok nearly bites the thing’s head off.
 
Arram: Which is pretty darn impressive - there’s a lot of neck on a minotaur. Well done that Vorpal Rat.
 
Skave manages to scramble out of the way of the Minotaur’s battleaxe. Gonno gets swatted with the battleaxe instead, and Miya gets gored in the face.
 
GM: Well, if you’re ever in the market for face jewelry, you won’t need to get your tongue pierced.
 
The second minotaur goes down.
 
Miya: Your future wife better be AMAZING - you have a matching set.
Shev: At least Mrs Brisby. 
GM: Of course what you’re actually saying with that tongue injury is GMAHHUHMUHmuh
 
At least the sprite chief is grateful that we rescued his daughter and shaman.
 
Shev: I need a trophy from the minotaurs as a bride price.
Sprite: Ah, you’re trying to bribe someone to be your mate - that’s fine.
Shev: … Well he’s not wrong.
Sprite: We cannot move Minotaurs.
Arram: I’d be impressed if you could.
 
They CAN expertly skin the two minotaurs, and sew up the holes we left in the hides - Shev is going to have two extremely creepy cowskull-topped cloaks for his wedding. At least we don’t have to go back into the maze - we triggered the first trap and attracted the minotaurs' attention.
 

Playing D&D 5e
 
My halfling character had been lost for decades in the astral planes with a handful of cantrips and no companionship. So he kept his clothing together with Mending spells and kept himself clean, and otherwise amused himself, with Prestidigitation. And he built up decades' worth of unrealized comedic potential which spews forth in a somewhat uncontrollable fashion.
 
After coming back to the prime material plane, he teamed up with several others for adventures including a female Firblog druid (who is being played a first time rpg player). As something of an OCD habit, he uses Prestidigitation to clean himself and his companions anytime the story indicates they might have gotten dirty.
 
Our travels brought us to an abandoned temple where we encountered some rather large spiders (of course everything is rather large from my perspective but that's neither here nor there). After killing a number of spiders, we located an intact egg sac and determined we'd likely have time to get it back to town and sell it before the spiders hatch. But the egg sac was up high on a wall and the firblog was the only one tall enough to reach it...but she refused because she's scared of spiders and touching the egg sac is icky.
 
But through a lot of cajoling, we convinced her to take down the egg sac and drop it in  my backpack.
 
As soon as it was done, the player turned to me with a horrified look on her face and pleaded, "Prestidigitate my hands! Prestidigitate my hands!"
 
Without missing a beat, I cast Prestidigitation and told her that her hands are now purple (the spell is highly versatile and besides cleaning things can make change colors).
 
The player gets this even more horrified look on her face as she realizes that not only are her hands now purple but her hands are still dirty from touching the egg sac.
 
"Clean my hands! Clean my hands!"
 
"Oh, okay, I can do that," in an innocent tone of voice and I clean her hands.
 
"My. Hands. Are. Purple!", very unclear whether this is in character or not.
 
"Well, you know, the color only lasts for an hour. Here, let me," and I cast Prestidigitation again. "Now your hands smell like apples."
 
"I don't want my hands to smell like apples!"
 

You probably don't want to have PCs that have all their abilities purchased with this limitation; they'd essentially be useless outside of their region.  I would probably allow few powers bought this way to represent that a given character would be more formidable on his home turf.
 
For example, if I were building Daredevil as the regional defender of Hell's Kitchen, I would buy most of his abilities without the limitation.  And then buy some ocv/dcv, levels with perception, or danger sense that only worked in that region to represent that he is in-tune with that environment.  That way if the adventure happens outside of his region the character can still participate.
 
Of course villains and NPCs can be built to serve the needs of the story.

So...
 
Hubby's (high school/college aged) niece & nephew want to get into D&D.  Not RPGs in general, D&D.  So, 5e.
 
...and they're coercing their respective SOs into playing...
 
...and their two cousins (who live next door, but are currently vacationing in Europe right now, but are also drop in-drop out sort of players)...
 
...and Hubby wants to play...
 
...so, guess who's GMing?
 
The 1st Session Zero was last week, because I want to make sure they know my table will be a safe place -- and that I don't like murderhobing/PVP.  That actions will have consequences and please, don't cross the line with Problematic Stuff.
 
Nephew's GF (who really isn't as enthused as Nephew):  Can I play EVIL?
 
Me (fighting down the throbbing vein that's just popped up on my temple) *stresses I prefer heroes and, since y'all are 1st lvl newbies anyways, ya gotta earn your spot into becoming a BBEG*
 
Talk about various classes et al begins (I'm only sticking with the PHB because I don't want to deal with excess bookkeeping).  Remember, there are still two players I'm waiting on...
 
Party so far... Hubby: Halfling Light cleric Niece: Wood Elf Rogue (eager for Arcane Trickster) Niece's BF: Mountain Dwarf Bard Nephew: Human Ranger Nephew's GF: I WANNA BE A PRINCESS~! (human sorceress) Vein continues to throb, but I can potentially make it work.  Initially, she also wanted to be DaenerysplayaDragonborn, but Dragonborn aren't "pretty".  Thank Arneson for small miracles there.  Going with the "runaway princess doesn't wanna a forced marriage" trope here.  Still missing the two cousins, so tonight I just wanna focus on combat and mechanics, look over what's been made and answer any que--
 
Hubby, last night:  Oh, btw, ANOTHER cousin will be joining the group -- THEY ARE SO LOOKING FORWARD TO THIS~!
 
Me, sighing: ...how much did you oversell me...?
 

I found the medical debt concept to be a good replacement for the death during character creation notion of Classic Traveller, and dying appears to have been done away with after first edition. I think it’s called “Iron Man Traveller” now, for the true hardcore Traveller fan. Nothing like needing to pay your bills to motivate a group of adventurers to get out there and do something.
 
Group character creation was actually a ton of fun for everyone, and it was like a mini campaign played out in a single session.
 
The remaining characters have since been converted over to Hero, and we played the first session as the group started their pirating career. Since all three PCs were marines in the service until their forties and retired, they all worked out to be about roughly the same points, so everyone started at 225 despite having pretty modest stats.
 
The crew of NPCs is starting to assemble as well. Our illustrious PCs are also using fake names as pirates, with Brigadier Meson now called Captain Nemos. He even started wearing a cape to present a more dashing figure.

It turns out that the original Harrison Vanderbilt IV was the evil clone all along. Unless we alter the clone's memories or personality, I suspect that we'd end up with two runaway grooms galavanting about the galaxy. How many clones variants will it take until we end up with our own version of Kang the Conqueror? May I suggest Harrison the Holocaust? Or I suppose we could go the Star Trek mirror universe route and create a clone for each of us.

I love PC decision-making. It's easier to turn your foppish dandy of a cousin into a cyborg-zombie than to just tell him and the rest of the family of freeloaders that they get nothing but a place to stay. I look forward to Gaston's future hijinks even if the most likely scenario is returning to find him resting peacefully in the local cemetery. Without some outside help, I don't see the Vanderbilts getting the better of EDI.
 
I almost got our crew out of the low berth prison business, but Krrsh pushed our disloyalty buttons. We can't be leaving tasty breadcrumbs behind for Judas Cain to sweep up. As it is we're leading him to a potential stockpile of weapons of mass destruction. I'm sure that won't get us and the entire sector into any trouble.

It's been a while since the last update. Our intrepid group of pirates have made a lot of progress in the campaign, traveling up into the Spinward Marches to the distant worlds of Mirage and eventually all the way to Neumann, a journey of almost twenty-five parsecs or 13 jumps. They almost managed to catch her at Fist, at the most Rimward border of the Spinward Marches, but they encountered complications that enabled the nanotech infected scientist to escape and continue to Mirage.
 
Thanks to plentiful expenditures of HAPs at the climax of that adventure, they were able to enact a cure to the nanotech plague on Neumann that had consumed half the planet, ending up getting paid but then subsequently banished from that world. They then made their way back down to the Trojan Reach, trying their hand some more at doing some honest trading along the way. They had done some of this on the way up as well.
 
During their long journey back, they picked up an archaeologist who paid High Passage all the way to Drinax, who had a message globe dating back to the end of the Sindalan Empire, getting the PCs involved in a hunt for a legendary treasure, not of gold and jewels, but planet-destroying weapons of biological and nuclear varieties.
 
The last session had them reach the world of Cordan, where they had gained landholdings and the rank of Baronet thanks to helping the Baroness Lux there. In the many months they were gone, one of the PCs who comes from a fallen, formerly noble family, had his mother show up with a whole retinue of the family, all looking to squat and plunder basically. Thanks to a technological find they made while in the Spinward Marches, they had obtained the equivalent of cortical stacks for use. Using one of them to replace one of the PCs useless cousins with a copy of their ship's AI personality was discussed and almost happened but was stopped at the last minute when the PC decided against the plan after initially being for it.
 
The transhumanism elements of the campaign continue to shine as a major subplot. One of the PCs is a cyborg; they killed and cloned a towering Aslan male pirate lord named Irontooth and implanted within the clone body a copy of their ship's AI; several members of the crew are either robots or advanced bioroids; the captain acquired a genetically altered spare body they keep in a Low Berth to aid him in alternating between his pirate guise and his old Brigadier ID; and they have a dozen spare cortical stacks that one of the PCs is just aching to use, to make more copies of the ship's AI and implant them into organic bodies.

It's been a while since the last update. Our intrepid group of pirates have made a lot of progress in the campaign, traveling up into the Spinward Marches to the distant worlds of Mirage and eventually all the way to Neumann, a journey of almost twenty-five parsecs or 13 jumps. They almost managed to catch her at Fist, at the most Rimward border of the Spinward Marches, but they encountered complications that enabled the nanotech infected scientist to escape and continue to Mirage.
 
Thanks to plentiful expenditures of HAPs at the climax of that adventure, they were able to enact a cure to the nanotech plague on Neumann that had consumed half the planet, ending up getting paid but then subsequently banished from that world. They then made their way back down to the Trojan Reach, trying their hand some more at doing some honest trading along the way. They had done some of this on the way up as well.
 
During their long journey back, they picked up an archaeologist who paid High Passage all the way to Drinax, who had a message globe dating back to the end of the Sindalan Empire, getting the PCs involved in a hunt for a legendary treasure, not of gold and jewels, but planet-destroying weapons of biological and nuclear varieties.
 
The last session had them reach the world of Cordan, where they had gained landholdings and the rank of Baronet thanks to helping the Baroness Lux there. In the many months they were gone, one of the PCs who comes from a fallen, formerly noble family, had his mother show up with a whole retinue of the family, all looking to squat and plunder basically. Thanks to a technological find they made while in the Spinward Marches, they had obtained the equivalent of cortical stacks for use. Using one of them to replace one of the PCs useless cousins with a copy of their ship's AI personality was discussed and almost happened but was stopped at the last minute when the PC decided against the plan after initially being for it.
 
The transhumanism elements of the campaign continue to shine as a major subplot. One of the PCs is a cyborg; they killed and cloned a towering Aslan male pirate lord named Irontooth and implanted within the clone body a copy of their ship's AI; several members of the crew are either robots or advanced bioroids; the captain acquired a genetically altered spare body they keep in a Low Berth to aid him in alternating between his pirate guise and his old Brigadier ID; and they have a dozen spare cortical stacks that one of the PCs is just aching to use, to make more copies of the ship's AI and implant them into organic bodies.

Will there be a Q1 2023 update? It would be nice to see them more often than annually.

Hmmm. I get the impression of a control freak, my way or the highway, personality in this description. Throwing fits during conversations is not a sign of maturity, and I’m actually now thinking he is trying to take control of your campaign with his actions. You let him change characters once already, which caused you to retool some aspects of the campaign and now you’ll need to do it again.
 
Frankly, he does not sound like someone happy being a player, since your description is of him makes it sound like he was only GM-ing in prior play sessions. Give him one more chance if you want, but be prepared to let him walk away.

I wonder if I fired the proverbial "golden BB" (shooters of LBX-10s in Battletech will understand the term) at a longtime friendship.  The shorter version: there's someone I've known since second or third grade.  Recently I invited him to join our D&D group.  The short version: it did not go well.   The longer version (and apologies in advance, there's a good bit to the story): I invited this friend of mine to join our bi-weekly D&D group.  Let's call him "new guy" or NG for short.  NG's other gaming group had started puttering out by that point.  Also, I knew that NG had some real-life issues that were hitting him kinda hard.  I thought that enjoying some light-hearted fun around our table might do him some good.   So, he introduces this character ("New Character" or NC) who, to put it politely, comes across as a raging @$$hole.  NC introduced himself to the party by sneaking up on us and holding a blade at my dwarf's throat.  Almost every word out of his mouth dripped with arrogance,  condescension, and contempt for others.  Highlights included calling the cleric "inferior" because he lacked Darkvision (kinda part and parcel with being human).  He scoffed at the gnome wizard's player because he didn't choose magic missile.  (Yes, this is unusual, but the wizard's player has been a friggin' genius at using spells creatively, and I like that he picks powers to fit a concept rather than maximize damage output).  The half-elf rogue "had promise" in this character's words because of his Elvish half.  Racist bigot, much?  Our party's camp was attacked at night, and my dwarf went to retrieve the wizard, who was busy identifying some magic items we'd found.  NC berated him for giving a sh*t about his friends, and berated the dwarf and the gnome for "not following the plan."  As if someone died and made NC the leader...and I'm sorry, if I want to associate with racist bigots in a roleplaying game, I'll join a crew of, say, Gestapo clearing the Warsaw ghettos (that's a rhetorical statement, as I have no stomach for flagrant racism in any game; I would never actually play Gestapo-type characters).   The dwarf reacted poorly to having a blade at his throat, and NC's relentless arrogance, condescension, and bigotry struck a nerve, so he started pushing back.  He openly called NC an @$$hole when he spoke ill of the others.  To the "inferior" comment, the dwarf replied, "So full of yourself."  And so on.  After a couple of sessions of this, NG decided to leave the group.   To be fair, I can get carried away at the game table.  The dwarf's anger was certainly fueled by some of my own.  NC's behavior reminded me almost perfectly of many of the jackwagons who bullied me in my younger years.  Still, I worked very hard to keep the conflict between characters, not players.  In my attempts to talk to NG about this, I emphasized time and again that my problem was with the character, not the player, and I maintained strict distinction between the two.   NG is having none of it.  The incident is now over a month old and I haven't heard a peep from NG since early March.  He hasn't responded to my messages via email or Book of Face.  He won't engage in even limited ways, such as token "likes" on my comments to his Book of Face posts.  The one thing I haven't tried yet is a phone call, and I'm not sure I trust him enough right now to visit his house.  I've given other groups much greater reasons to reject me, and yet they haven't.   What has me totally flummoxed is that a 40+year friendship appears to be on the ropes, maybe even over, because of a conflict between D&D characters.  Clearly I've touched nerves that I didn't know were there.  I thought the worst case scenario was that we might clash, cool off, and come to a mutual agreement that it wasn't meant to be.  Instead, it's been a month and a half of silent treatment with no end in sight.  I can see via Book of Face that NG appears to be engaging with everyone else normally, but is completely shutting me out.  Kinda hard to make amends if I don't even know what the real problem is and if I never get any responses.  I am quite capable of malice, but that was the farthest thing from my mind in this case.  I meant it as nothing more than the dwarf standing up for himself and his friends.   I know that I should let go of the whole thing, but that's proving a lot harder than I thought it would be.  Our play styles are radically different, that much is clear, but something else is going on that I can't put a finger on.  For the time being I've stopped reaching out.  Maybe this is for good; too early to tell.   If you made it this far, you get the gold star.  I appreciate your patience.

Gonno OoC: You have to wonder why people become adventurers, when you can make 500gp a year with a real job, AND get to sleep in a proper bed every night
Shev OoC: Because you can make that in an hour as an adventurer. All the money you need to set yourself up for life is a few miles away, and all you need is a shovel!
Arram OoC: And a few friends with a propensity for violence.
Shev OoC: And if you play your cards right you’ll have fewer friends when you come back!
 
That morbid observation leads to a discussion of the rapidly approaching old age of the Ysoki, and the various ways the denizens of Golarion can avoid a final interview with the Goddess of Death.
 
Recently Dead Druid:  You know, I remember the last few times I was here.
Psychopomp: What, really?
RDD: Yeah. Isn’t that moon getting closer?
Psychopomp: Wait, WHAT???
RDD: *runs off to get reincarnated while the psychopomp is looking the other way* Whoop-whoop-whoop-whoop
 
If we do have to go into the ant nest, maybe we should go in through the midden - if we smell bad enough maybe the ants will just dump us in the midden again rather than try and kill us. We end up using the collapsed wall in the second cistern. The chamber we enter has large supporting hollow pillars, a gravel floor, and three very large and aggressive ants. 
 

 
The hollow pillars are part of the ant’s air conditioning system. What a pity none of us know Cloudkill. 
 
Arram: The first lesson at wizard school is that you have to be in the front line to use your area-effect spells.
Miya: The drawback is that you go down if someone sneezes on you.
Arram: You play a dangerous game before you get to the whole ‘phenomenal cosmic power’ thing.
Miya: ’How did you get to be an old wizard? ‘By not adventuring, obviously’
 
The next chamber has four ants. Hopefully this isn’t a pattern forming. One of them is carrying a humanoid leg, wearing an elaborate boot. Unfortunately, once we finish off the ants and investigate, we’re attacked by the giant Assassin Bug disguised as the trash heap. We decide to retreat to Selversgard, recover, and re-equip with stuff more appropriate to the situation.
 
Arram: Pity we’re too far from Alkenstar to get the best weapons.
Shev: Which?
Miya and Arram: Flamethrowers.
Shev: OK, appropriate, but we’ve got a flamethrower right here *gestures at Arram* but he’s running out of juice.
Miya: So do the ones from Alkenstar.
 
Miya, as well as being poisoned by the ant frass, has also contracted a rather debilitating illness known to the locals as Red Ache. Gonno has some healing knowledge, and offers to have a stab at it.
 
Miya: Please Do Not Stab Anything
 
We really need to find a solution to the ant problem that won’t leave us with a poisoned cistern. 
 
Miya: I’m really tempted to send off for that flamethrower now. F***ing Ants!!!
 
Nobody recognises the leg, or the sandal, and nobody has heard of any missing persons in the area. At least our discovery proves that while those lumberjacks last year may have been drunk, they weren’t imagining the giant ants. When we heal up we return to the ant nest, and proceed with caution, only attacking ants when we outnumber them - not a sentence that gets said often. We discover that the ant with the leg emerged from natural caverns, which raises some alarming possibilities about the owner of the leg, although the crazy cave-dwelling elves aren’t usually seen this close to the surface. 
 
The ants are also fungus farmers, cultivating Fly Agarics the size of people, among other things.
 
Miya: Nobody set the place on fire.
Gonno OoC: I also wonder where we’re going to get a reindeer big enough.
Miya: ... what? Oh. OH. OH GOD NO. We’ll ask the druids. 
 
The big mushroom is also a Shrieker - something to avoid unless we want to be swarmed by giant ants. The chamber beyond has more ants than adventurers, but fortunately the connecting tunnel is so narrow we can pick them off one by one as they come through. But THESE giant ant soldiers can spray formic acid. Vok the giant riding rat ducks. Unfortunately Shev was riding him at the time. 
 
Skave: Hold back, Gonno, we’ve deployed the meat shield.
Arram: Yes, giant rats are good for that.
Skave: I was talking about Shev, Vok is more important.
Miya: You can tell they’re brothers, can’t you?
Shev: … at least I don’t blow myself up on a regular basis. 
 
This chamber is evidently the nursery - larvae and pupae.
 
Arram: What’s the generation time of an ant?
Miya: 14-15 minutes.
Arram: What????
 
Skave scouts ahead, and returns at speed - he’s found the royal chamber and the remaining ants. 
 
Skave’s player: Boy, am I glad I’m the Utility character.
Shev’s player: Yeah - now be of utility. 
 
Which might be considered a bit harsh, given Skave HAS been of more utility so far - Shev is not doing well with his attacks today. Arram Enlarges himself with one of Skave’s potions, leans forward over the melee, and toasts most of the ants. We’re also quite fortunate that the Queen focuses most of her attacks on Vok, but then the giant riding rat is the largest enemy close to her - at least until Arram gets in range.
 
Miya: You keep punching women in the face today, Gonno, what will your wife say?
Shev: That she was a b**** and deserved it?
 
Skave finds the skeleton of a dwarf in the garbage heap - the actual garbage heap, not the giant Assassin Bug from earlier. Given how intact the remains are, they presumably fed him to their larvae. His armour is intact too - Adamantium chainmail. 
 
Skave: If we’re careful undoing the links, brother, maybe we can get two chain shirts out of it. 
Arram: Ha! Good luck undoing adamantine links!
GM: You don’t have the tools to work Adamantium.
Skave: We don’t have the tools HERE.
 
He had a magical cube in his bag. It’s charged with Divination magic.
 
Shev: At least it’s not Conjuration. No chance of summoning the weird skinny guy with all the nails in his head.