A gaming conundrum

[Cygnia]

5e D&D (this is non-negotiable) game.  GM is a ~*Writer*~ with all the baggage that word implies.  GM also likes swerves & Misery Porn.  Hubby begs me to join "because they're OUR FRIENDS~!"  The premise given is it's a high level game, where our toons are tasked with saving the world from Evil ASAP, with OOC reasoning we're cleaning up the mess from a previous campaign (that neither me nor hubby were involved in).

 

Things are ok, for the most part, but there's hinky stuff in the background with someone hacking into our warforged barbarian remotely to give her a breath weapon to attack us with against her will, the elven ranger's higher-ups are being suspicious about motives and the wood elf necromancer being VERY protective of her undead lich dog (it's not actually a lich, but it's definitely NOT your typical mindless zombie) and SOMETHING whispering in its ear to attack us or at the very least, slow us down.  Said necro earlier released a black dragon skeleton from out of her control rather than letting us put it down.

 

Oh, and my cleric of Bahamut gets troubled by incest dreams involving her god and his sister Tiamat.  GM is also one of those "Organized Religion is to BLAME FOR EVERYTHING~!" in real life types too as an FYI.  We're on the cusp of the last session where the GM lets slip that, no, this campaign is his "Empire Strikes Back".  Where we will actually fail/job to the Big Bad (who just let loose a Tarrasque) and the NEXT campaign will be us with NEW CHARACTERS (at level one) cleaning up "our mess".

 

And I'm pissed with this bait & switch.  I do NOT want to be a part of this, but everyone else seems fine with it.  OK, problem is on my end, ergo I don't play, right?  I don't tell my hubby that he shouldn't play.  He can play and I can go do something el--

 

No no no...hubby insists that I MUST PLAY~!  That we must play TOGETHER~!  That we never DO anything TOGETHER~! (nevermind the fact that we're already playing another game together on Wednesdays with another group)  And that he's worried that I'm so ANTISOCIAL so that it's for my own good we play TOGETHER~!  And our new characters should be LINKED so I have more reason to STAY!

 

This guilt trip is pissing me off and he knows it.  But he is doubling down.

[Steve]

Wow. Just… wow.

 

How long have you been married? The drama you’re describing sounds more like dating someone in high school than a married couple.

[Cygnia]

We just dinged 17 years married, man.

 

It's frustrating as I've finally gotten the spine to speak up and state I don't want to go events that cause me discomfort (usually stuff involving his brothers) and he's gotten better about accepting that -- albeit, he still pushes against even that at times.  I'm not asking him to not participate -- just that I don't want to play/be a pawn in a pre-scripted encounter for the Sake of The Story. 😕

 

[Scott Ruggels]

Life it too short for a bad game. Admit to being anti-social or better, admit to being an introvert. Tell your husband that the GM creeps you out, and that it's fine if he wants to play, but you don't like 5e, and you definitely don't like being railroaded. This game feels  bad, and remind him of the Wednesday game.

Failing that, have the character become reckless, and try the impossible. If the character dies, Immediately pick up your things, tell your husband that you will pick him up at the end of the game and leave quickly.

If the GM Bends the rules to keep you alive, then you have evidence of railroading, and you have a reason to leave, as well. 

 

In any case you are going to have to be firm. Loving, but firm.

[Steve]

Been thinking more about this.

 

“…they’re OUR FRIENDS”: Your husband needs to get a grip. Seriously. Who is more important to him? You, the person he’s been married to for many years? Or is it a bunch of people led by a dysfunctional-sounding DM? It all just comes across as a toxic-sounding situation, and he should be supporting you in your decsion, not trying to force you into enduring more of this.

 

You don’t want to play? That’s fine and totally understandable based on your descriptions of things. I wouldn’t want to be in such a campaign either. I think most normal people wouldn’t.

 

What isn’t sounding healthy is the rest of it. If you’re playing in another group without any problems, that shows you aren’t anti-social. You just don’t want to play with annoying people (substitute whatever word you like for annoying) and deal with the whims of a DM of questionable maturity and possible other issues.

 

Your husband sounds weirdly determined to subject you to this mental and emotional BDSM going on, even after seeing how much it distresses you. That’s not good. He needs to put on his big boy pants and let you make your own decisions on who you play with or don’t play with, not cater to a gaming group like the one you describe.

[Steve]

Has there been progress on this issue?

[Cygnia]

No games since then.  GM has family obligations due to high school football now, so scheduling is on the fritz.

[Steve]

15 hours ago, Cygnia said:

No games since then.  GM has family obligations due to high school football now, so scheduling is on the fritz.

Well, that lets your husband focus more on you then, so your calm explanations as to why the situation is toxic should carry more weight. Perhaps if you keep at it during the lull, he’ll get worn down and submit.

 

If these people are friends, does that mean you do things with them other than gaming? If not, that really weakens the friendship argument a lot. If gaming is your only social contact with them, ditch the game.

[Cygnia]

Honestly, no.  They live out of state. Hubby debates politics & sports with the GM on FB, so he's more his friend than me anyways (we met this GM through e-wrestling).  Though I like the group, I see them more as acquaintances than close friends.

 

Compare this to our Wednesday group, who are also out of state.  We chat regularly even when we don't game.  And we make plans to get together to visit face to face when we can.  Them, I see as friends (and so does hubby, so it's not a case of "my" friends).

 

Next couple Fridays we have family stuff anyways (oddly enough, hubby is fine with me bailing on his brother's get-together on one of those Fridays because he knows how damn stressful it is.).  But he's pushing me to talk to the GM on my own "because you hide behind me too much!"

[Lord Liaden]

Then that is what you should do. Contact the GM, explain your issues. Tell him this isn't personal, you're just not feeling that the kind of game he's been running is a good fit for you, and you don't enjoy playing in it. If he's not offended by that and agrees you'd be better off leaving, or even better, agrees to modify his campaign so you're more comfortable, your husband can't really object. If said GM throws a hissy fit, you can at least tell hubby that you tried to be reasonable, but this guy clearly isn't and you don't want to be around that.

 

If you're worried about upsetting your husband, he'll be even more upset when you eventually inevitably quit because you can't stomach this game any more. So you might as well deal with that now.

[Chris Goodwin]

I really hate to say this, but... 

 

On 9/10/2022 at 2:26 PM, Cygnia said:

And I'm pissed with this bait & switch.  I do NOT want to be a part of this, but everyone else seems fine with it.  OK, problem is on my end, ergo I don't play, right?  I don't tell my hubby that he shouldn't play.  He can play and I can go do something el--

 

No no no...hubby insists that I MUST PLAY~!  That we must play TOGETHER~!  That we never DO anything TOGETHER~! (nevermind the fact that we're already playing another game together on Wednesdays with another group)  And that he's worried that I'm so ANTISOCIAL so that it's for my own good we play TOGETHER~!  And our new characters should be LINKED so I have more reason to STAY!

 

This guilt trip is pissing me off and he knows it.  But he is doubling down.

 

...from this it sounds less like a gaming issue and more like a relationship issue.  

Like, you should be able to tell your spouse "I'm not enjoying this activity," and they should say "Okay, then you shouldn't take part in it anymore.  Are you okay if I continue to take part in it?"  

[Cygnia]

I have an update.

 

First up, I asked the GM: I need an honest answer -- is the plan for the Bad Guys to "win" whenever we have our next session or does our party have any sort of chance?

 

His response

Spoiler

The bad guys are going to win, but there's a sliding scale. The party will have the chance to severely blunt how much they win by how and what they do.

And that will all lead directly into where the full campaign starts from, if that makes sense.

The better the PCs do against the baddies and the more creative you guys are in spoking their wheels, the better the world is in the next go 'round.

But it's unlikely any of the PCs manage to get out alive.

Unless they switch sides, which I think some may do.

 

...so yeah.

 

So, I showed the GM's response to hubby.  Then we talked properly, him and I, about my concerns.  How I didn't liked the bait & switch when I was initially told the campaign was us supposed to be saving the day, not setting up things for what's now the "real" game.  How it frustrated me as a player and as a writer myself that I'm supposed to fulfill a predestined plot as opposed to playing a game.  How, even if I wanted to go out as a Big Damn Hero, it could all be rendered moot by a bad dice roll anyways.

 

And I told hubby how frustrated I felt with him pressuring me to keep playing anyway.  That it wouldn't be fun for me like that.  And I reminded him that we do still game together (Wednesdays with the plan for us GMing together towards the end of the year), so it's not like Fridays are the only thing.

 

...I think he finally got it.  And he'll accept my choice.  I did say that I would finish this campaign first and to see how I'm feeling if I will continue on Fridays.  And I told hubby that I'm totally fine if he chooses to keep playing even if I don't.

[death tribble]

Yeah I would not like that either.

 

Good for you to raise the fact that you have concerns rather than suffer in silence.

[Steve]

On 9/28/2022 at 12:22 PM, Cygnia said:

I have an update.

 

First up, I asked the GM: I need an honest answer -- is the plan for the Bad Guys to "win" whenever we have our next session or does our party have any sort of chance?

 

His response

  Reveal hidden contents

The bad guys are going to win, but there's a sliding scale. The party will have the chance to severely blunt how much they win by how and what they do.

And that will all lead directly into where the full campaign starts from, if that makes sense.

The better the PCs do against the baddies and the more creative you guys are in spoking their wheels, the better the world is in the next go 'round.

But it's unlikely any of the PCs manage to get out alive.

Unless they switch sides, which I think some may do.

 

...so yeah.

 

So, I showed the GM's response to hubby.  Then we talked properly, him and I, about my concerns.  How I didn't liked the bait & switch when I was initially told the campaign was us supposed to be saving the day, not setting up things for what's now the "real" game.  How it frustrated me as a player and as a writer myself that I'm supposed to fulfill a predestined plot as opposed to playing a game.  How, even if I wanted to go out as a Big Damn Hero, it could all be rendered moot by a bad dice roll anyways.

 

And I told hubby how frustrated I felt with him pressuring me to keep playing anyway.  That it wouldn't be fun for me like that.  And I reminded him that we do still game together (Wednesdays with the plan for us GMing together towards the end of the year), so it's not like Fridays are the only thing.

 

...I think he finally got it.  And he'll accept my choice.  I did say that I would finish this campaign first and to see how I'm feeling if I will continue on Fridays.  And I told hubby that I'm totally fine if he chooses to keep playing even if I don't.

I’m glad to hear that things are improving, especially that your husband is coming around at last. Hopefully it keeps moving forward to a better place.

[Cygnia]

Latest update from my GM...

Spoiler

Okay...so thinking things over, I'm sorta inclined to just running things narratively for the final bossfight unless folks really want to play it out. Real life and other nonsense have basically pushed us 2 months after what I thought we'd be doing.

So yeah, that's what the majority of the group wants anyways.

[Cygnia]

So, I've bowed out of continuing to the next campaign due to my depression and that was accepted.  Kinda glad I did, given what the GM is allowing.

 

This also means that I'm not gonna suffer the consequences of the husband's NOTORIOUS dice rolls.  Seriously, doesn't matter the game or if it's online or face to face, his dice rolls SUCK.  He's hoping he can overcome it with his new lvl 1 character: a Halfling Divination Wizard with the Lucky feat (GM is giving bonus feats as lvl 1 characters).

 

I give him 3 sessions.

[Strand]

I've played enough Pathfinder and read enough of this sort of thing. GMs running evil games is never a good thing. Evil parties rarely work well together. The spirit of the game is that you work together and you seem to have a killer DM!  Find another group if possible. You have people back stabbing you and a GM doing the same. One thing that has been said by many other threads is to talk to the GM in private about the caustic atmosphere.  If that isn't possible, then get out. 

 

[Steve]

On 11/19/2022 at 12:26 PM, Cygnia said:

So, I've bowed out of continuing to the next campaign due to my depression and that was accepted.  Kinda glad I did, given what the GM is allowing.

 

This also means that I'm not gonna suffer the consequences of the husband's NOTORIOUS dice rolls.  Seriously, doesn't matter the game or if it's online or face to face, his dice rolls SUCK.  He's hoping he can overcome it with his new lvl 1 character: a Halfling Divination Wizard with the Lucky feat (GM is giving bonus feats as lvl 1 characters).

 

I give him 3 sessions.

What would be amusing is if one of his bad dice rolls causes a TPK or does something that implodes the campaign.

 

I’m sure I’m not alone in seeing an epic failure like that happen, but I’m a grognard who’s been at this since the early 80s.

[Cygnia]

...so, the Friday night Serenity game (as mentioned over in the WOTC OGL debacle thread) of my hubby's died out.  Now the plan is switching GMs and games every other Friday.  Hubby tossed his hat in the ring for a 1st ed 7th Sea game and made puppy-dog eyes at me to PLEASE be a player, he promises it'll be light-hearted and Heroic.  Told him I need to see what the others want to make first, but if folks go grimdark sociopath in spite of him, I will bail.  He accepts this.

 

And last Friday night we all discussed what the other Friday game would be and what folks wanted.  I was very clear about being a Big Damn Hero, about having my actions make a positive difference and no more bloody crapsack dystopias.  A couple other agree and someone suggests superheroes? (No Champions, alas -- GM initially wants the DC gamebook).  OK, so what's the theme and power level?

GM talks about having both DC and Marvel in the world, maybe either street level or Teen Titans/New Mutants.  I express how your average Marvel citizen can be hypocritically ungrateful towards heroics and how I'm leery of mutant wangst so can we please go four color with a touch of grit, and maybe more light-hearted too?  Another player brings up not wanting to play teenagers.  OK!  Street level it is...we'll look at the pdf and--

What's that, GM?  You're now switching to Marvel FASERIP?  OK, that can work for street level too, I guess and--

 

New Mutants, GM?  Seriously, you're insisting on that route?  And "things will be fine if you never reveal your mutation to the public"?  You love your wangst and crapsackery too much to let that thread stay unpulled, GM.

Hubby accepts I will not play the other "hero" game.  Just need to work up the courage to tell the GM now.

[Opal]

On 9/10/2022 at 2:26 PM, Cygnia said:

5e D&D (this is non-negotiable

 

5 hours ago, Cygnia said:

No Champions, ...

...Marvel FASERIP

 

What is it with people only wanting to run awful systems? 

5 hours ago, Cygnia said:

bloody crapsack dystopias.

wangst and crapsackery

grimdark sociopath

 

Ah.  😐

[Lord Liaden]

I've run into quite a few would-be Game Masters wanting to play out their personal issues at the gaming table.

[Cygnia]

This GM (or as I'm coming to call him "The World's Angriest Quaker") has more than a few subscriptions weighing him down.  And he'd be the first to admit it.  He's very much shades of grey and gray 😕

[Duke Bushido]

Tell you what-

 

I have a lighthearted and,very heroic Suoers game going and am preparing to launch a sci-go campaign (havent decided between HERO or Classic Traveller.

 

So how do you feel about starting off as freshly-civilianed and looking for work, knocking around space and getting into a few scrapes and some legal two I led, then overthrowing a corporate government and restoring a ruling family, possibly winning them over to join the Imperium?

 

I plan on launching that one in maybe two months- for a few things to finish up with it.

 

Warning: I am goinf to need at least one muatered out Scout; two is preferable.

 

 

[Old Man]

3 hours ago, Opal said:

 

 

What is it with people only wanting to run awful systems? 

 

 

I kind of liked FASERIP, it’s the only supers rule system I can stand that isn’t Hero. 
 

But I much prefer Hero. 

[Opal]

I'll never forgive FASERIP for what it did to Gamma World.

 

(No, it's not rational, just a grudge )

Edited April 5, 2023 by Opal