Kirby

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...
 
Today's D&D game.
 
GM (me): (Player 1 failed his perception roll to see the statues animate in time to warn.) While watching the elf, you notice just in the nick of time that those statues have come alive and one is attacking you and one is attacking the elf.
 
Player 1 (dwarf): (Rolls die, hits.) I do 5 points of damage.
 
GM: When you slice into the fighter, you notice that instead of blood, the man is actually made up completely of wax.
 
Player 2 (elf): Ooh, we can mold them into candles when we're done.

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...
 
reminds me of a gaffe by the DM that totally destroyed the mood of the game.
 
it was supposed to be a gritty sewer crawl,
laden with horror by monsters lurking in deep water and deep darkness.
 
He tried to describe the formless invertebrates that were oozing up . . .
 
but the faux pas that came out of his mouth was "boneless hermaphrodites"

Re: Answers & Questions
 

Re: Answers & Questions
 

Re: Answers & Questions
 

 
Q: Ms. Lewinski, Perhaps you'd like a glass of our Chateu de Clinton 98?
 
A: For once Scarlet, I actually DO give a damn.

Re: Answers & Questions
 

Re: from little plot seeds, mighty games do grow: Share you ideas!
 
Godzilla vs Destroyer
Idea from the movie title Godzilla vs Destroyah
 
Japan is sick and tired of Dr. Destroyer trying to conquer the world or blow it up. The next time Destroyer rears his ugly helmet, Japan releases certain pheromones in the vicinity and at key points from where Godzilla is. Godzilla finds these and follows them, eventually coming to where Destroyer is. Mayhem ensues and Destroyer is squashed like a bug and then eaten.
 
Monster Island vs Destroyer
 
Just in case Godzilla doesn't win, or they aren't sure if he will, Japan has a one charge Megascale teleporter which transports all of the creatures on Monster Island to one location. When Dr. Destroyer's home base is discovered, Japan activates the machine and the creatures of Monster Island are rampaging across the billion dollar secret base of the bad doctor, or wherever Destroyer has made his latest appearance. The downside to this is that the island nation of Japan will be without electricity for 20-30 hours, but it's worth it.

Re: Answers & Questions
 

Re: Answers & Questions
 
Q: What is Michael Jackson's life story?
 
A: A ball of string, some cheese, and a kangaroo mouse.

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...
 

Who are you playing, John Wilkes Booth?

Re: Answers & Questions
 

Q: You cat looks tired, how come?
 
A: Four fifty.

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Q: Are you telling me that Canada will honor The Addams Family except for the hairy cousin?
 
A: She can accept that.

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Q: HOw long will it take for the Dmeocrats to implode?
 
A: White liberals opposing the nominations of blacks and Hispanics.

Re: Answers & Questions
 

Q. Where are you going with that enormous bag of opium? 
Q. 'Never-Done' Jack and 'Two-Thumbs' Don and his sidekick, 'Don't-Say' Dick.

This week's award goes to Chris, for: "In my experience, Neanderthals *always* attack aliens."
 
This replaces the previous title-holder, from Jason: "I made my INT roll, and I've decided to do it anyway." dw

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...
 
This happened just last Wednesday
 
Ancient Japan campaign.
 
I’m a ninja sneaking up on an Inn, casing the joint to see if my cohorts have arrived. I carry a large bow, so to avoid trouble, I've disguised myself as a hunter, having killed some birds as I travelled and thrown them over my shoulder.
 
I listen at each window. At one back window, I hear the familiar sounds of my two teammates who are disguised as a married couple. The players say they are “doing what married couples doâ€. I tell the GM, that I listen a little longer outside that window.
 
Another ninja sneaks out of the wood. I crit fail my stealth roll and he spots me. I’m supposed to be quiet like the wind, so I’m annoyed. “I know, it was bad luck! One of the chickens wasn’t dead. It clucked.â€
 
So the GM then makes me roll to determine of *I* spotted *him*. I crit fail *again*. Strangling my dice, I try to save my dignity. “OK, I know! I didn’t hear him sneaking up on me, because I’m busy wringing the bird’s neck before it blows my cover.â€
 
The GM turns to another player (the other ninja) and asks what he does next.
 
And the player says: “Let me just understand this. I come upon him outside a bedroom, with lovemaking sounds coming from within. He's outside, with his ear to the window, choking his chicken…â€

Re: Answers & Questions
 

 
Q: How did Bill describe Monica's face?
 
A: So far, so good!

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Q: Kirby, Isn't this the same set you used on the last 4 pornos you made?
 
A: That was truely tasteless.

Re: Answers & Questions
 

Q. You've heard their promise of amnesty and that they won't hurt you so why won't you go outside with Death Tribble, Zornwil and Mightybec, Kirby ?
 

Q. How should I get the poison into the kid's party ?

Q. What do fireflies get after attracting a mate ?
 
A. Don't stand there looking at it you idle shower.

Re: Answers & Questions
 

Q: Death Tribble had sex with Mightybec AND Zornwil?!
 
A: Somehow, I don't think it's safe.

Re: Jane's Superhumans
 

Poor punctuation and capitalization. Correct spelling:  
believe
celebrities
Reagan
their
belligerent
 
Overall grade: D+
 
You want to talk politics, take it to the NGD board.

Re: Jane's Superhumans
 

 
Thank the various gods for small favors. Next thing you know, Bruce Wayne's parents didn't actually die, but just got hurt kinda bad and had to spend some time in hospital.
 
Ra's Al-Gul: Alfred never told you about your father, did he?
 
Batman: My parents were killed by a mugger.
 
Ra's Al-Gul: No, Bruce: I am your father. I staged that tawdry scene to fuel your rage. Even then, I knew that only a painful trauma could galvanize you into fulfilling your true potential.
 
Batman: Does that mean... my mother...?
 
Ra's Al-Gul: Oh, she's really dead. The sow was going to leave me for a younger megalomaniacal would-be world-conquerer, and I simply couldn't permit that. No prenup, you see.
 
edit: I am assuming you mean that the silliness of Clark being born on Earth got retconned away. If not, then... bah. May as well make Superman a damnable mutant and get it over with.

Re: Jane's Superhumans
 

 
I haven't finished reading this thread, but I felt the need to respond here. It reminded me of an idea that I had before, but hadn't really done anything with (it's not really appropriate for the kind of games I like to run--i.e., Silver to Bronze Age).
 
There's a secret government organization (it has to be completely secret, by its very nature), whose job is to protect superhumans. They keep the teleporting housewife under tight surveillance, to make sure that stuff like this doesn't happen. She doesn't know that her house is bugged, and people follow her around all day. (Admittedly, this model breaks down a little once you start getting very large numbers of superhumans, because you'd need an unbelievably large "secret" organization.) The purpose of these guys is to keep everything calm. The teleporting housewife is pretty low-profile, so you might just have one guy whose job it is to watch her and her surroundings.
 
But people like Superman, well, they have a whole team devoted to protecting their loved ones (you don't really have to worry about his physical safety). So when some evil supervillain, or evil organization decides to murder Lois Lane, some agent "accidentally" slams into her car while she's on her way home. "Oops. I'm sorry about that, ma'am. I spilled my coffee and jerked the wheel. Let's exchange insurance. Oh wait, I can't seem to find it. I know its here somewhere. Well, I'm sorry that you're going to be late..." After all, the absolute LAST thing you want to happen is for Superman to find his blushing bride in pieces. You just don't know what he'll do.
 
They might protect secret IDs, too, though this is kind of dark. That villain who saw Spider-Man's face? Well, when Spidey knocked him out, maybe the villain accidentally got hurt a little worse than Spidey knew. "Why, it appears that he's had an aneurism. I didn't think the blow was that bad, at first."
 
If you really want to go dark with it, you can even get creepier. Maybe the agency employs a few mid-level telepaths. "Psychological analysis reveals that Clark wants a homemaker instead of a career woman? Well, what Clark wants, Clark gets..."
 
--
 
In a less developed supers world (i.e., one without pre-existing secret agencies), they might just show up like the secret service.
 
"Hello Mrs. Anderson. My name is Agent Smith. This is my partner, Agent Smith. No relation. We're here because the United States Government has discovered you have a... unique ability. Now, we don't want you to worry. We understand your desire to lead a normal life, and your desire for your own privacy. We just wanted to make contact with you. Your neighbor, Mr. Smith..." (looks out window)
Mr. Smith: "Hi!"
Agent Smith: "... he works for us. There are thousands of Americans with abilities just like yours. We're here just in case. If anyone attempts to harm you or your family, we'll be ready. If you have any questions, Mr. Smith next door will be happy to answer them."
Mrs. Anderson: "But what about my privacy?"
"... No one will watch you inside your home or monitor your phone calls. Think of Mr. Smith as a policeman who lives next door. He's always available if you need him, but will not intrude upon you unless there is some emergency. Have a good evening, Mrs. Anderson."

Re: Answers & Questions
 

Q: Is it true that you went onto the http://www.vatican.va/ message boards and started a flame war with the Pope?
 
A: Doublequickfasttime

Re: Answers & Questions
 

Q. Did Ben Grimm surprise you when he came over, or were you waiting for him?
 
A. I suppose that's true, yes - one doesn't usually tell the person, though.