wcw43921 reacted to Lord Liaden in Political Discussion Thread (With Rules)
I have to disagree. This election isn't just a referendum on the President, and on the GOP, but on "Trumpism," his entire approach to politics that has so corrupted the American government and divided the American people. Trump and the Republican incumbents have to be so thoroughly trounced that it's clear the great majority of Americans repudiate Trumpism. Nothing less will quiet all but their most fanatical followers, and reassure the rest of the world that the last four years don't represent what America stands for. Otherwise there will be no domestic peace going forward, and the standing of the USA in the world may never recover.
wcw43921 reacted to Ockham's Spoon in Jokes
A clerk in a department store that is still operating is approached by a customer who asks for 2 pairs of underwear.
"Only two?" the clerk asks.
"Yeah, I wash one pair in the sink each day and rotate them." the customer replies.
The clerk finds this odd but sells him the underwear. The next customer comes in and asks for 5 pairs of underwear.
"Well with 5 pairs you won't have to rotate them daily." comments the clerk.
"Yeah, that gives me one pair for each workday. I just go commando on the weekends."
The clerk is mildly disgusted but sells him the underwear. The next customer comes in and asks for 7 pairs of underwear.
"One for each day of the week?" says the clerk.
"Yes, and then I do laundry on Sunday." says the customer.
The clerk definitely thinks more highly of this customer than the other two. Then a fourth customer arrives, asking for 12 pairs of underwear.
"Well, you must be a scrupulously clean person." says the clerk.
"You bet!" says the customer, "That gives me one pair for each month of the year."
wcw43921 reacted to Bazza in Jokes
STUPIDLY ASKED QUESTIONS
The questions below about Australia, are from potential visitors. They were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a sense of humour.
Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? (UK).
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.
Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.
Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.
Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia? (Sweden)
A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.
Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? (UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?
Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia? (USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.
Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.
Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.
Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? ( UK)
A: You are a British politician, right?
Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal.
Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.
Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA)
A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.
Q: Do you have perfume in Australia? (France)
A: No, WE don't stink.
Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia? (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.
Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France)
A: Only at Christmas.
Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R&R, and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Kings Cross. Can you help? (USA)
A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.
Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first
wcw43921 reacted to BoloOfEarth in Jokes
I loved Almost Live. Only show I ever saw do a parody of Quantum Leap - Quantum Leak, where Sam Beckett is leaping through time, fixing plumbing problems.
Also loved their game show: Who Killed JFK Today?
wcw43921 got a reaction from BoloOfEarth in Jokes
I'm not from Seattle, but I remember Almost Live. Who could forget Bill Nye back in his superhero days? Or Tracy Conway, who I always thought bore a resemblance to adult star Christy Canyon? Or Mind You Manners, With Billy Quan?
"Remember Kids, Be Like Billy--BEHAVE YOURSELF!!!"
wcw43921 reacted to Cancer in Jokes
YOU KNOW YOU ARE FROM THE WESTERN PART OF WASHINGTON STATE WHEN:
You know the Vitamin D deficiency struggle is real.
You know how to pronounce Hoquiam, Sequim, Puyallup, Sammamish, Enumclaw and Issaquah....
You avoid driving through Seattle at all costs.
You know what a Geoduck is.
You consider swimming an indoor sport.
You see a person carrying an umbrella and instantly think...tourist.
Your lawn is mostly moss and you don't really care.
Honking your car horn is for absolute emergencies.
You're EXTREMELY picky about your coffee.
“The mountain is out today", isn't a strange statement.
While out of state you just tell people you're from Seattle since that's the only known city in Washington according to the rest of the world.
You remember Almost Live.
You've eaten in the Space Needle, and while it was delicious, you're never paying $50 for a meal in the sky again.
You rarely wash your car because it's just going to get washed by the rain tomorrow.
You're used to the phrase "No, not DC" when telling out of staters where you're from.
Northface is always in fashion.
You take a warm coat and a hat with you for a day at the beach.
You have mastered the art of doing everything in the rain, because, well, Washington.
You play the "no you go" at four-way stop.
You have had both the thought of how beautiful Mount Rainier is, while simultaneously accepting that it will probably kill you someday.
You get a little twitchy if it's been more than a week since it last rained.
You believe Twilight ruined Forks.
You can say Humptulips, Lilliwap and Dosewallips without giggling.
wcw43921 reacted to Pariah in Jokes
A man in Phoenix called his son in New York the day before Thanksgiving and said, “I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough."
“Pop, what are you talking about?” the son screams.
“We can’t stand the sight of each other any longer,” the father says. “We’re sick of each other, and I’m sick of talking about this, so will you call your sister in Chicago and tell her?”
Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. “Like hell they’re getting divorced,” she shouts, “I’ll take care of this.”
She calls Phoenix immediately, and screams at her father, “You are NOT getting divorced. Don’t do a single thing until I get there. I’m calling my brother back, and we’ll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don’t do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?” and hangs up.
The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. “Okay,” he says, “they’re coming for Thanksgiving and paying their own way.”
wcw43921 reacted to Starlord in Jokes
For his birthday, an old man’s nephew secretly hires a call girl for him. When he answers the door she’s standing there in a slinky black dress. She says, “I’m here to give you super sex.”
After thinking for a minute the old man replies, “I guess I’ll have the soup.”