Ockham's Spoon

A man was complaining about his life to his clergyman.

"I was a hard-working clerk making $30,000 per year. I was frugal, living carefully, saving my money, and I was happy and content.
Then one day I fell in with some shady characters and I got suckered into a high-stakes poker game. That was my ruin. Now I am anxious, stressed, and miserable."

The clergyman says "So you fell into temptation and lost all your savings?"

"No, I won, and like a fool I bought this lousy internet company."

A man was complaining about his life to his clergyman.

"I was a hard-working clerk making $30,000 per year. I was frugal, living carefully, saving my money, and I was happy and content.
Then one day I fell in with some shady characters and I got suckered into a high-stakes poker game. That was my ruin. Now I am anxious, stressed, and miserable."

The clergyman says "So you fell into temptation and lost all your savings?"

"No, I won, and like a fool I bought this lousy internet company."

From an old Punch cartoon--
 
PROUD PAPA: "Young man--whoever marries my daughter wins a prize!"
 
YOUNG MAN:  "That's a capital idea, sir!  What is it?"

I have heard some complaints about Harrison Ford being too old to be in the latest Indiana Jones movie.  But honestly, an 80-year old professor not retiring is the most accurate part of the whole franchise.

I have heard some complaints about Harrison Ford being too old to be in the latest Indiana Jones movie.  But honestly, an 80-year old professor not retiring is the most accurate part of the whole franchise.

I made a chicken salad yesterday.
 
It turns out they prefer grain.

A hiker is passing by a farm and stops to say hello and pet the farmer’s dog.  After a brief chat with the farmer, the hiker starts making barking noises, which the dog responds to.

“What are you doing?” the farmer asks.

“Oh, I can speak with animals.” says the hiker.

“That’s impossible.” the farmer says.

“Well, your dog tells me that you live alone out here on the farm, and he is your best friend, and sometimes you give him steak off you plate when you have dinner.”

“Well, that is all true, but you could have guessed that.  Animals can’t talk.” says the farmer.

The hiker then makes some neighing noises, and the farmer’s horse responds in kind.

“Well, now, your horse tells me that you brush him daily, and he gets oats and carrots at least once a week.”

“Lots of horses eat oats and carrots.  That doesn’t mean anything.” says the farmer.

“Okay, then, let me ask your sheep over there something that only she would know.” says hiker.

The farmer says angrily “Now don’t be talking to the sheep, she’s a damn liar!”

If you only believe 12.5 % of the Bible you are an eight-theist.  

Well, seeing as how it's a BMW, I'm OK with this.

Last night my wife asked me if I had seen the dog bowl. I said, "I had no idea he could do that."

I bought some shoes from a drug dealer recently. I don't know what he laced them with, but I've been tripping all day.

A couple of funnies from xkcd: