Tjack

An American spy is in Soviet Russia, digging up information on a powerful Russian politician. He finds him in a bar, walks in dressed in Russian attire, pretending to be Russian. Everybody in the bar looks at him, but he keeps his cool. He orders a drink and walks to the politician.
 
"Greetings, comrade." says the spy, but before he could finish his sentence, the Russian says, "I think you are American spy."
 
The spy is alarmed, but being a skilled, trained, spy, he says, "That is not true! I am the proudest Soviet there is! I can sing the anthem more beautifully than any other man in the country!"
 
He then proceeds to sing the Soviet anthem, so melodically and beautifully, that everybody in the bar cheers.
 
"Very good, very good!" says the politician. "But I still think you are spy."
 
The man continues to keep his cool.
 
"I am a historian! I can tell you everything about this glorious country!"
 
He then spends about two hours recounting the Revolution, the Great Patriotic War, about how superior to the Russia is in terms of technology compared to America and makes a great argument about how communism is beneficial to society.
 
"Amazing! You are skilled!" says the politician.
 
The spy smirks.
 
"But I still think you American spy."
 
The spy is getting frustrated, but still unfazed.
 
He replies, "I am good drinker, a true Russian! Let us drink, and see who can come out top!"
 
The bar turns its attention to the politician and the spy, who are now in a drinking contest.
 
The bartender serves drink after drink of vodka.
 
After about an hour of drinking, the politician nearly passes out, unable to hold as much liquor as the spy, to a resounding cheer amongst the bar.
 
In the midst of the cheering, the Russian politician gets up, smiling, and in a slurred speech, repeats, "You are good, you are good... but I still think you are spy."
 
The American spy, piss drunk, loses his skill and gives up.
 
"Okay, you got me. I am an American. But what made you think that way, after all this time?"
 
The Russian politician replies, "There aren't many black people in Russia."

I've just finished my time machine, and the first thing I'm going to do...
 
...you know on second thought, I'm sick of all these trashy paintings by Adolf Hitler, I'm going to go back and make sure he never gets into art college.
 
edit: Ummm, I need to make another trip.

For extra cash consider robbing sex offenders.
Their address is easy to find, and they can't own guns.
Only downside is politicians usually have good security.

Did you ever stop to realize that you may be the only women on this entire site?  Don’t take me wrong, I’m glad there’s somebody here to represent.   But you’re kind of like the Wendy to our Lost Boys.  Thank you very much for putting up with our uncouth a$$es.

It’s all well and good for all the guys on this site to comment on this. But there is the fact that no piece of modern men’s business attire is as painful to wear, useless and dangerous as an article of clothing, and sole reason for it’s existence is as fetish fuel for members of the opposite sex as the modern high heel shoe.

It’s all well and good for all the guys on this site to comment on this. But there is the fact that no piece of modern men’s business attire is as painful to wear, useless and dangerous as an article of clothing, and sole reason for it’s existence is as fetish fuel for members of the opposite sex as the modern high heel shoe.

I agree with you on many points.  
   The reason I hate Seinfeld is that every episode I’d based on one of two linked concepts.  One of the “gang” wants to get an edge or benefit they don’t deserve and spent the episode trying to snake their way into getting it.  Or they think someone else has an edge or benefit they don’t and they burn with such envy that they spend the episode trying to stop them.
   I hate The Office because the characters we the audience are supposed to be pulling for suck.  Pam is a doormat. Plain and simple, a lot of people are, both men and women.  But this doesn’t make them a hero or someone I want to watch and feel frustrated about every week.  She knuckles under to her shrew of a mother and her oaf of a boyfriend. 
   More reprehensible is the “hero” of the piece...Jim.  This man is a coward.  Unable to to move himself out of a job he hates that he knows will lead him nowhere.  Unable to tell the woman he pines for that he cares for her, even knowing that she cares for him too and is in dire need of rescue from her life. But most of all I hate his behavior in regards to Dwight.   Dwight is an idiot.  A blustering man-child and borderline sociopath. But at least Dwight comes at you straight on. If he doesn’t like you, he lets you know it.  Jim on the other hand can never seem to come out and confront Dwight about his nonsense.  His little tricks and pranks are those of a schoolboy unable to be direct with anybody.
  About your stance on tiny blondes however......I give you Sarah Michelle Geller, Kristen Bell and Anna Faris.
 

The characters in Seinfeld are sociopaths at best.
 
Every episode is of Frasier is exactly the same: Frazier (or Niles or Martin or Daphne) lies about something and then spends the rest of the episode trying to cover it up, ultimately failing in embarrassing fashion.
 
Friends was probably okay for the first three or four seasons, but ultimately all of the characters ended up becoming caricatures of themselves. Especially Joey.
 
The Office is weird. I like Steve Carell and everything I've seen him in except for The Office. And I'm generally okay with the characters in The Office, except for Steve Carell's character. In any case, I don't go out of my way to watch it. I'll leave it on in the background if there's not a game of some sort on TV at the same time.
 
As I said, I would trade them all for Wings. Heck, I don't even need the whole cast. I'd  trade them all for Crystal Bernard. I'm not normally a fan of short blondes, but for her I'll make an exception.

My Wife texted me a selfie in a new dress and asked, "Does this make my butt look big?"
 
I texted back "Noo!" My phone autocorrected the response to "Moo!"

Please send help.

That would require them to use logic and rational thought.   I’m not slamming Born Again Christians as two of my best friends in the world would be classified that way.  But dumb people fall for anything and charlatans have been using Religion as a scam since forever.

If anyone’s interested I posted a synopsis on the poll thread.

Tribble got to it before I could.
 
 
The Rapture is not a Biblical construct.  It is a bit of hokum invented by----   eh.  Too many years; I can't remember his name anymore.  I _think_ he was Baptist, but I am not certain on that, either.  At any rate, there is a type of Evangelical who makes their money audience on prophecy that they find and decode from the Scriptures.   The two most commonly-accepted things that are absolutely _not_ supported by Scripture are the Rapture and the idea that the dead "go up to Heaven and become Angels."  
 
The only people I have ever met who accept the "truth" of the Rapture also just happen to know that when it happens, they will be among that wave.
 
 
ugh.
 
 

Well, I had just got out from the county prison
Doin' ninety days for non-support
Tried to find me an executive position
But no matter how smooth I talked
They wouldn't listen to the fact that I was a genius
The man say, we got all that we can use.
Now i got them steadily depressin', low down mind messin'
Working at the car wash blues

Well, I should be sittin' in an air conditioned office in a swivel chair
Talkin' some trash to the secretaries
Sayin', "Here, now mama, come on over here."
Instead, I'm stuck here rubbin' these fenders with a rag
And walkin' home in soggy old shoes
With them steadily depressin', low down mind messin'
Workin' at the car wash blues

You know a man of my ability
He should be smokin' on a big cigar
But till I get myself straight I guess Ill just have to wait
In my rubber suit a-rubbin' these cars

Well, all I can do is a shake my head
You might not believe that its true
For workin' at this end of Niagara falls
Is an undiscovered Howard Hughes
So baby, don't expect to see me
With no double martini in any high-brow society news
Cause I got them steadily depressin', low down mind messin'
Workin' at the car wash blues
So baby, don't expect to see me
With no double martini in any high-brow society news
Cause I got them steadily depressin', low down mind messin'
Workin' at the car wash blues
Yeah I got them steadily depressin', low down mind messin'
Workin' at the car wash blues

Are you going to Scarborough Fair?
Parsley, sage, rosemary, and thyme
Remember me to one who lives there
She once was a true love of mine
 
Tell her to make me a cambric shirt
(In the deep forest green)
Parsley, sage, rosemary, and thyme
(Tracing of sparrow on snow-crested ground)
Without no seams nor needle work
(Bedclothes the child of the mountain)
Then she'll be a true love of mine
(Sleeps unaware of the clarion call)
 
Tell her to find me an acre of land
(A sprinkling of leaves)
Parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme
(Washes the grave with silvery tears)
Between the salt water and the sea strands
(And polishes a gun)
Then she'll be a true love of mine
 
Tell her to reap it with a sickle of leather
(Blazing in scarlet battalions)
Parsley, sage, rosemary, and thyme
(Generals order their soldiers to kill)
And gather it all in a bunch of heather
(A cause they've long ago forgotten)
Then she'll be a true love of mine
 
Are you going to Scarborough Fair?
Parsley, sage, rosemary, and thyme
Remember me to one who lives there
She once was a true love of mine

She put him out, like the burnin' end of a midnight cigarette
She broke his heart, he spent his whole life tryin' to forget
We watched him drink his pain away a little at a time
But he never could get drunk enough to get her off his mind
Until the night
 
He put that bottle to his head and pulled the trigger
And finally drank away her memory
Life is short, but this time it was bigger
Than the strength he had to get up off his knees
We found him with his face down in the pillow
With a note that said, "I'll love her 'til I die"
And when we buried him beneath the willow
The angels sang a whiskey lullaby
 
 
The rumors flew, but nobody knew how much she blamed herself
For years and years she tried to hide the whiskey on her breath
She finally drank her pain away a little at a time
But she never could get drunk enough to get him off her mind
Until the night
 
She put that bottle to her head and pulled the trigger
And finally drank away his memory
Life is short, but this time it was bigger
Than the strength she had to get up off her knees
We found her with her face down in the pillow
Clinging to his picture for dear life
We laid her next to him beneath the willow
While the angels sang a whiskey lullaby

Don’t go insulting the steak at Denny’s.  Only two weeks before that came in to Show at 3-1 odds. 🐴

Mine just make the voices more pleasant to listen to.

“Ten bucks is ten bucks man.”
      That’s been going through my head ever since I heard Cygnia mention Rush.
       DO YOU WISH TO ADD THE POWER OF “THE ‘STASCH”  TO OUR OWN?

Take off! To the Great White North!
Take off! It's a beauty way to go.

JOIN THE HOUSE OF TJACK!!!!  WE SHALL JOURNEY FORTH TO THE GREAT WHITE NORTH AND CAPTURE GEDDY LEE!!!!!
     WE CAN DO THAT BECAUSE WE ALREADY HAVE JOURNEY!!
 
    HA HA!!  THE HOUSE OF TJACK HAS ADDED THE BANNER OF CYGNIA TO ITS CAUSE!!!
 
(I may have to stop watching that Star Trek Klingon marathon for a while.)
      (and I may need to adjust my meds)
    NOW THE HOUSE OF PARIAH HAS RALLIED TO OUR SIDE!!!  OUR NUMBERS WILL ONLY GROW AS OUR HOUSES ASCEND!!!!

JOIN THE HOUSE OF TJACK!!!!  WE SHALL JOURNEY FORTH TO THE GREAT WHITE NORTH AND CAPTURE GEDDY LEE!!!!!
     WE CAN DO THAT BECAUSE WE ALREADY HAVE JOURNEY!!
 
    HA HA!!  THE HOUSE OF TJACK HAS ADDED THE BANNER OF CYGNIA TO ITS CAUSE!!!
 
(I may have to stop watching that Star Trek Klingon marathon for a while.)
      (and I may need to adjust my meds)
    NOW THE HOUSE OF PARIAH HAS RALLIED TO OUR SIDE!!!  OUR NUMBERS WILL ONLY GROW AS OUR HOUSES ASCEND!!!!

JOIN THE HOUSE OF TJACK!!!!  WE SHALL JOURNEY FORTH TO THE GREAT WHITE NORTH AND CAPTURE GEDDY LEE!!!!!
     WE CAN DO THAT BECAUSE WE ALREADY HAVE JOURNEY!!
 
    HA HA!!  THE HOUSE OF TJACK HAS ADDED THE BANNER OF CYGNIA TO ITS CAUSE!!!
 
(I may have to stop watching that Star Trek Klingon marathon for a while.)
      (and I may need to adjust my meds)
    NOW THE HOUSE OF PARIAH HAS RALLIED TO OUR SIDE!!!  OUR NUMBERS WILL ONLY GROW AS OUR HOUSES ASCEND!!!!