archer

The US embassy in Kiev responded to Putin's claim that Ukraine has always been part of Russia.
 
 

Maybe.
 
You could see the groove the tanks were tearing into the road surface. That was almost painful for me to watch.
 
I'd hate to see what the McDonald's parking lot looked like after the tanks got through with it...but I think I've seen something very similar in other McDonald's parking lots.

The US embassy in Kiev responded to Putin's claim that Ukraine has always been part of Russia.
 
 

If that follows through, I may put Germany again on 'places I could move to'

Germany PULLS PLUG on Nord Stream 2 gas pipeline
 
https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-10538807/Germany-PULLS-PLUG-Nord-Stream-2-gas-pipeline-pressure-builds-Biden-tougher-Putin.html
 
German Chancellor Olaf Scholz announced Tuesday morning in his stunning reversal of previously standing behind the natural gas pipeline: 'The situation has fundamentally changed.' 
Scholz has long resisted including the Russia-to-Germany $10 billion natural gas pipeline as a potential sanction if Russia invaded Ukraine.

The US embassy in Kiev responded to Putin's claim that Ukraine has always been part of Russia.
 
 

I have a moral objection: I find descending vertical surfaces with the aid of ropes fixed at a higher point to be rappelling.

A man rubbed a lamp and an elegant genie exited from the lamp.
 
The genie said, “You have released me from my bronze prison, you may now ask me three wishes of your liking”
The man, a clever one indeed, said, “I wish for infinite wishes.”
The genie responded with, “I am afraid that is against the rules.”
The man said, “I thought you could do anything, can’t you?”
The genie let the man know that he could indeed perform that wish, but refused because it would tear society apart
The man said, “Okay then… uhh.. gimme an umbrella,”
The genie, a little confused now, granted his wish.
The man then said, “Now I want you to stick it up your ass.”
The genie shoved the umbrella up his ass and groaned in pain and said, “Okay weirdo, I completed your second wish. What else would you like?”
The man responded with a dark tone to his voice, “Now give me infinite wishes before I make you open the umbrella.”

Is a vampire's food blog just pictures of people's necks?

The Necronomicomic is like the Necronomicon but with more pictures.

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar
   The first mathematician orders a beer 
The second orders half a beer 
"I don't serve half-beers" the bartender replies 
"Excuse me?" Asks mathematician #2 
"What kind of bar serves half-beers?" The bartender remarks. "That's ridiculous."
"Oh c'mon" says mathematician #1 "do you know how hard it is to collect an infinite number of us? Just play along"
"There are very strict laws on how I can serve drinks. I couldn't serve you half a beer even if I wanted to."
"But that's not a problem" mathematician #3 chimes in "at the end of the joke you serve us a whole number of beers. You see, when you take the sum of a continuously halving function-"
"I know how limits work" interjects the bartender 
"Oh, alright then. I didn't want to assume a bartender would be familiar with such advanced mathematics"
"Are you kidding me?" The bartender replies, "you learn limits in like, 9th grade! What kind of mathematician thinks limits are advanced mathematics?" 
"HE'S ON TO US" mathematician #1 screeches 
Simultaneously, every mathematician opens their mouth and out pours a cloud of multicolored mosquitoes. Each mathematician is bellowing insects of a different shade.  The mosquitoes form into a singular, polychromatic swarm. "FOOLS" it booms in unison, "I WILL INFECT EVERY BEING ON THIS PATHETIC PLANET WITH MALARIA"
The bartender stands fearless against the technicolor hoard. "But wait" he inturrupts, thinking fast, "if you do that, politicians will use the catastrophe as an excuse to implement free healthcare. Think of how much that will hurt the taxpayers!" 
The mosquitoes fall silent for a brief moment. "My God, you're right. We didn't think about the economy! Very well, we will not attack this dimension. FOR THE TAXPAYERS!" and with that, they vanish. 
A nearby barfly stumbles over to the bartender. "How did you know that that would work?" 
"It's simple really" the bartender says. "I saw that the vectors formed a gradient, and therefore must be conservative."

At a Diplomats' dinner, a waiter tripped and shattered the beautiful plate in which he was carrying a large turkey.
 
Hushed silence turned into a roar of  laughter, when the quick-witted Diplomat  announced:
 
"Gentlemen ! You have just witnessed 4 major international events happening :
 
Fall of Turkey
 
Breakup of China
 
Spillage of Greece and
 
Frustration of Hungary !

The bartender asks the guy sitting at the bar, "What'll you have?" The guy answers, "A scotch, please." The bartender hands him the drink, and says "That'll be five dollars," to which the guy replies, "What are you talking about? I don't owe you anything for this."
A lawyer, sitting nearby and overhearing the conversation, then says to the bartender, "You know, he's got you there. In the original offer, which constitutes a binding contract upon acceptance, there was no stipulation of remuneration."
The bartender was not impressed, but says to the guy, "Okay, you beat me for a drink. But don't ever let me catch you in here again."
The next day, same guy walks into the bar. Bartender says, "What the heck are you doing in here? I can't believe you've got the audacity to come back!"
The guy says, "What are you talking about? I've never been in this place in my life!" The bartender replies, "I'm very sorry, but this is uncanny. You must have a double."
To which the guy replies, "Thank you. Make it a scotch."

Two blonde robbers were robbing a hotel.
 
The first one said - I hear sirens. Jump!
 
The other replied - But we are on the 13th floor.
 
The first one yelled - This is no time to be superstitious.

I just hired a beautiful 21 year old girl to look after my 1 year old baby. Now I have two issues:
 
How to tell this to my wife.
Where to find a 1 year old baby.

What's the similarity between hamsters and cigarettes?
 
They're both harmless until you put them in your mouth and light them on fire.

I'd settle for being the same age but healthy....

A very fast moving afternoon with Russia and Ukraine.
 
Putin announced Russia is recognizing the two separatist areas of Ukraine to be independent nations.
 
A couple of hours later, the EU and US announced sanctions on Russia. UK said sanctions would be announced tomorrow.
 
Putin a few minutes ago announced he was sending troops into the two separatist areas for peacekeeping operations.
 
=================
 
EU responding with sanctions against Russia
https://www.consilium.europa.eu/en/press/press-releases/2022/02/21/press-statement-by-president-charles-michel-of-the-european-council-and-president-ursula-von-der-leyen-of-the-european-commission-21-february-2022/

UK announcing sanctions against Russia tomorrow


US announcing Executive Order to ban new investment, trade, and financing by U.S. persons to, from, or in the so-called DNR and LNR regions of Ukraine. It will also provide authority to impose sanctions on any person determined to operate in those areas of Ukraine. And will also soon announce additional measures related to today’s blatant violation of Russia’s international commitments.

These are in addition to economic sanctions we have been preparing in coordination with Allies and partners should Russia further invade Ukraine.
https://www.whitehouse.gov/briefing-room/statements-releases/2022/02/21/statement-by-press-secretary-jen-psaki-on-russian-announcement-on-eastern-ukraine/  
 
Putin orders Russian troops to separatist states for ‘peacekeeping operations’
https://www.theguardian.com/world/live/2022/feb/21/russia-ukraine-news-latest-crisis-putin-biden-summit-kyiv-kiev-russian-invasion-threat-live-updates

My condolences to you and Lady P.

Truth Social, a social media network developed by former president Donald Trump’s new media company, is now live on the iOS App Store in the US.
 
There appears to be some glitches downloading it but it is at least collecting people's names and emails at the moment.
 
https://www.theverge.com/2022/2/21/22944179/truth-social-launch-ios-donald-trump-twitter-platform
 
It'll be nice when this gets rolling so Trumpists will have less time to troll other forums I frequent.

Watergate-SG1

I just hired a beautiful 21 year old girl to look after my 1 year old baby. Now I have two issues:
 
How to tell this to my wife.
Where to find a 1 year old baby.

What do you call a bulletproof Irishman?
 
Rick O'Shea

Lady P lost her uncle Friday night to COVID-related pneumonia. He'd had a number of health issues for the past several years, so it wasn't completely unexpected. But it's sad nonetheless. 

Computers are cheaper in terms of points in early 1980's campaigns because they are bulky and immobile.