BoloOfEarth

What?  Destroy geek cred?  Well... okaaaaay...!
 
Never watched Babylon Five.
 
When I was a kid I hated Dr. Who (It looked so cheap!).  So recently I decided to finally catch a new episode.  Better production values but I still didn't care.
 
I've seen half of two Harry Potter movies and never read a single one of the books.  Looks fine.  No objections.  I just can't bring myself to enthusiasm.
 
Haven't read more than a chapter of a book in six years.  Can't keep my attention on it!  Maybe I need pills... I'm seeing a pattern.
 
I despise transformers.  New movies, old tv show, etc.  I feel like Tom Hanks in BIG.  "I don't get it! It changes into a building!  Who wants to play with a building?"  It changes into  car... wasn't it cooler as a robot than as a volkswagen?

Can't remember if I've told this one here, and with the Search disabled I can't check, so I'll assume not.
 
A man walks into a bar, walks up to the bartender, and says, "I'll bet you a beer I can bite my left eye."
 
It's a slow day and the bartender's bored, so he shrugs and says, "Sure, why not?" 
 
And the man takes his glass eye out and bites it, then wipes it and puts it back in.  The bartender laughs and pours him a beer.  The man takes a drink and says,  "Okay, now I'll bet you $50 I can bit my right eye."
 
The bartender pauses before answering.  The man walked in on his own, didn't seem blind, and looking close it certainly looks like a real eye.  Finally, he says, "Okay, fine.  Let's see you try."    And the guy takes out his false teeth and uses them to "bite" his right eye.
 
"Okay, fine, you tricked me," says the bartender as he hands the guy the money.  The man thanks him, takes his beer, and has a seat.  He uses some of the money to buy a round of drinks for the few people there, then strikes up a conversation with the four guys at the table next to his.
 
After about a half hour, the man walks back up to the bartender.  "How'd you like a chance to win back your money, and then some?"
 
The bartender cautiously asks, "How?"
 
"Well, I have incredible control of my ability to pee.  In fact, I'll bet you $100 I can stand on that end of the bar, and you could stand on the other end with a shot glass, and I can pee and get every drop in the glass." 
 
The bartender looks incredulous.  The bar is over 20 feet long, and he's sure nobody's ever pissed that far, let alone with any accuracy.  But he'd been burned by this guy before, so he figures there's some trick to it.  "No deal.  You've got some trick up your sleeve."
 
The guy chuckles.  "It's not my sleeve the trick's up, believe me.  Tell you what, we'll up it to $200 and you can move the glass any way you like to try keeping me from getting any in it."
 
The bartender thinks long and hard about it, but he can't see any way the guy can trick him.  So finally he says, "All right, you've got a bet."
 
So the man climbs onto the bar, and the bartender moves to the other end with a shot glass.  The man unzips his fly and begins to pee.  At first, the bartender starts moving the glass, but the guy isn't even coming close.  After a moment, the man say, "Okay, fine, you win," zips up his fly, and climbs down. 
 
He hands the bartender $200, which gets tucked into a pocket before the bartender grabs a towel and begins cleaning off the bar.  Chuckling and shaking his head, the bartender says, "You had to know you couldn't do it.  Why'd you make that bet?"
 
 
 

Cloak and Dagger: Shadow Warriors

(Tongue firmly in cheek)
 
Eccentric scientist Dr. Penny Hym, who discovered the mysterious "Hym Particles" than can change the size of objects and people, was not a happy person.  Her friends and colleagues had laughed at her idea of becoming a superhero and especially at her suggested name:  Ms. Mite.  "How the heck is becoming really, really small a superpower?" they scoffed.  "Sounds more like an anti-superpower.  Anti... get it?"
 
Things might have gone a different route if a superbattle hadn't erupted in her neighborhood between Termite Man and SuperLogger (the mutant lumberjack hero who could grow to six stories tall; he used to be able to grow seven stories tall, but that's another story).  The battle completely trashed her home (along with many others) and destroyed most of her cherished possessions.
 
She blamed SuperLogger almost exclusively for the damage.  (After all, it was his body that fell on her house.)  Such wanton destruction by a so-called superhero could not be tolerated.  She would show them.  So Dr. Hym created a battlesuit that used Hym Particles to allow her to shrink and return to normal size.  (She considered finding some way to control mites, ants, gnats, and other small insects but really, how useful could that be?)  She also created a "Hym Particle Projector" that can shrink others for up to an hour, and she particularly enjoys using it on giants to "bring them back down to size."

The President rubbed his eyes tiredly.  "These aliens make no sense at all!  Even though they speak perfect English, communicating with them is like chewing tinfoil attached to a car battery!  Who can we possibly make the new Earth ambassador to their planet?  I mean, the Queegla are completely delusional, and their logic is as twisted and loopy as..."
 
"...Foxbat's Master Plan?" the Secretary of State asked.
 
"Yeah.  They're as loony as Foxbat."  The President's eyes met those of his Secretary of State, and both of them began to smile.  "Bill, I think we found our new ambassador to Queegla."

Do they have to be bears?  If not, I have another idea.  But for now, here's a bear-based one:
 
Pain-da Bear looks like a fully-grown giant panda (6 feet long, 3 feet tall at the shoulder), but with fangs and sharper claws than a normal panda.  It was a supervillain's genetic experiment gone slightly awry - though it was intelligent as a human and could teleport at will, it didn't have above-human intelligence as the villain planned, so he drugged it and dumped it in a city park just for fun.  When it was found, the unconscious animal was taken to the local zoo, where workers thought it was a normal panda that had gotten loose after someone had smuggled it into the country for a personal collection.
 
When Pain-da awoke, he quickly escaped, mauling four zoo workers and two security guards in the process.  He took the guards' gun belts and pistols, which he combined to wear around his waist in a two-gun rig.  Pain-da loves three things:  taking a bite out of someone (much more carnivorous than other pandas, he particularly enjoys human flesh), blazing away with his guns (he's getting to be a pretty fair shot), and then teleporting away as chaos ensues.  [bonus points to anyone who gets the reference.]

(Tongue firmly in cheek)
 
Eccentric scientist Dr. Penny Hym, who discovered the mysterious "Hym Particles" than can change the size of objects and people, was not a happy person.  Her friends and colleagues had laughed at her idea of becoming a superhero and especially at her suggested name:  Ms. Mite.  "How the heck is becoming really, really small a superpower?" they scoffed.  "Sounds more like an anti-superpower.  Anti... get it?"
 
Things might have gone a different route if a superbattle hadn't erupted in her neighborhood between Termite Man and SuperLogger (the mutant lumberjack hero who could grow to six stories tall; he used to be able to grow seven stories tall, but that's another story).  The battle completely trashed her home (along with many others) and destroyed most of her cherished possessions.
 
She blamed SuperLogger almost exclusively for the damage.  (After all, it was his body that fell on her house.)  Such wanton destruction by a so-called superhero could not be tolerated.  She would show them.  So Dr. Hym created a battlesuit that used Hym Particles to allow her to shrink and return to normal size.  (She considered finding some way to control mites, ants, gnats, and other small insects but really, how useful could that be?)  She also created a "Hym Particle Projector" that can shrink others for up to an hour, and she particularly enjoys using it on giants to "bring them back down to size."

Foxbat: "So you mean to tell me that I have an evil twin?"
 
Defender: "An evil, competent twin. Yes."
 
Foxbat: "And you think I can think like him to guess where he's at?"
 
Defender: "More like we need to know where you would think to set up your base and search in the exact opposite direction."
 
Foxbat: "Does this mean I'm your sidekick now? Yay me!"
 
NT: Subtle signs the Foxbat you are fighting is the Evil, Competent version of Foxbat.

The President rubbed his eyes tiredly.  "These aliens make no sense at all!  Even though they speak perfect English, communicating with them is like chewing tinfoil attached to a car battery!  Who can we possibly make the new Earth ambassador to their planet?  I mean, the Queegla are completely delusional, and their logic is as twisted and loopy as..."
 
"...Foxbat's Master Plan?" the Secretary of State asked.
 
"Yeah.  They're as loony as Foxbat."  The President's eyes met those of his Secretary of State, and both of them began to smile.  "Bill, I think we found our new ambassador to Queegla."

Bun-Bun-Bunny-wunni is a child's pink stuffed animal come to life at the hands of the deranged Dr Destruction and given the kick of destruction and the hop of doom. This monster is enraged when people talk baby talk to it and will rampage.
CES 

The President rubbed his eyes tiredly.  "These aliens make no sense at all!  Even though they speak perfect English, communicating with them is like chewing tinfoil attached to a car battery!  Who can we possibly make the new Earth ambassador to their planet?  I mean, the Queegla are completely delusional, and their logic is as twisted and loopy as..."
 
"...Foxbat's Master Plan?" the Secretary of State asked.
 
"Yeah.  They're as loony as Foxbat."  The President's eyes met those of his Secretary of State, and both of them began to smile.  "Bill, I think we found our new ambassador to Queegla."

Q:  How many lawyer jokes are there?
A:  Three.  The rest are true stories.

I think she was referring to the sweet taste of victory over her foes.  I've learned it's better not to ask. 

Yesterday at dinner, I filled a glass with water, and then squirted in some MiO Black Cherry.  As the dark red spread through the water, my youngest daughter (our would-be supervillain) said, "It looks like the blood of my enemies."
 
I took a sip and said, "Mmmmmm...  but this tastes sweeter."
With a deadpan expression, she replied, "You don't know that."

I think she was referring to the sweet taste of victory over her foes.  I've learned it's better not to ask. 

"A mustard pack? Is that like mustard gas but you carry 80 pounds of it on your back?"

It would of been more aproprate if the song was "Ballroom Blitz", Bolo. Beyond that, good choice.

People disagree whether or not The Voice has actual mental powers, but few dispute her ability to command others to do as she wishes, merely by singing to them.  A finalist on American Music Star, Myra Scherzinger eventually came in second to a 12 year-old girl; in a fit of picque, started singing about everybody Kung Fu Fighting -- and the coaches, other contestants, and audience members all began brawling.  She decided that, if her singing ability couldn't make her rich and famous, her powers to command others to do as she wishes would make herself rich and infamous.

The only child of wealthy parents, Ella d'Ville was in elementary school when 101 Dalmatians came out, so of course she was tagged as Cruella and taunted mercilessly by jealous classmates.  A once gregarious young girl who loved animals, she soon grew to hate her name, hate other children, and even to hate animals -- especially dogs.  By the time she reached adulthood, Ella had become much like the Cruella from Disney's animated classic.  She now trains dogs to help her perform crimes, particularly against the Disney corporation.
 
- - - - - - -
 
New Team:  Yellow Journalism
Members:  5-6
 
Yellow Journalism's goal is to use their superpowers and talents to root out and reveal the corruption, injustices, and hypocrisy in politicians, corporations, government agencies, and (their favorite target) superheroes.  They feel that their ends justify any means necessary, including revealing national secrets, breaking personal privacy, and putting innocents in danger either indirectly or directly.
 
The members of this team represent the "five W's" that are basic to reporting:  Who, What, Where, When, and Why.  Since some include "How", a poster may create a character to cover that if he or she wishes.  However, the five W's must be represented to make this group complete. 

Last night, playing D&D 4th --
 
Our group of adventurers was at sea and were attacked by a larger magical ship, crewed by wooden automatons and led by a person who appears to have stolen the ship in the first place.  Our sorcerer has figured out the ship is siphoning off arcane energy from any nearby magical items, and possibly from magic-using persons (like himself).
 
After we defeat the captain and take the ship as our own, and the sorcerer is trying to figure out how to make the ship go while the rest of us are considering new names for our new ship.  One of the female players innocently asks the sorcerer, "Aren't you worried about the ship trying to suck off you?" 
 
After about the third or fourth comment from various players involving either "suck" or "blow", the sorcerer said, "Okay, I have a name for our new ship.  It's the Innuendo."

David Lister Redmon refuses to admit that his real beef is with the physics concept of Conservation of Mass, and not with the Disney Conservation.
 
When Redmon was a teenager, he discovered he was a duplicator.  He could make six duplicates of himself (no more, no less); however, the mass of all seven of him was the same as that of his original non-duplicated (and admittedly very overweight) self.  As Dave Redmon, he is a tall and rather, um, "stout" man with bright red hair.  As the Red Dwarfs, he becomes seven very short people.  After the tenth time people sang, "Hi ho, Hi ho, It's off to work I go" or "It's a Small World" to him, he snapped. 
 
When he heard about the ADS forming, he jumped at the chance to join.

Last night, playing D&D 4th --
 
Our group of adventurers was at sea and were attacked by a larger magical ship, crewed by wooden automatons and led by a person who appears to have stolen the ship in the first place.  Our sorcerer has figured out the ship is siphoning off arcane energy from any nearby magical items, and possibly from magic-using persons (like himself).
 
After we defeat the captain and take the ship as our own, and the sorcerer is trying to figure out how to make the ship go while the rest of us are considering new names for our new ship.  One of the female players innocently asks the sorcerer, "Aren't you worried about the ship trying to suck off you?" 
 
After about the third or fourth comment from various players involving either "suck" or "blow", the sorcerer said, "Okay, I have a name for our new ship.  It's the Innuendo."

"Dugan, you ready?"

"Sure, Sharpshooter.  Ready as I'll ever be."  Jimmy Dugan grimaced.  Bad enough the Eliminators had kidnapped him and his camera crew, but now he had to interview Stoneface.  Dugan clutched the stump of his left forearm, remembering the last time he had put a microphone in the living gargoyle's face.  Damned supers.  Someone should wipe every last one of 'em off the face of the earth.
 
Stoneface stepped forward and grinned, his wings spread wide and his sharp gray teeth prominent.  "Heya, Jimmy.  How's the hand?"
 
"You tell me.  I'm just sorry you didn't choke on a bone."
 
"Awww... and here I thought we were pals, Jimmy.  What with you always talking 'bout us on your newscast."
 
"About what a menace you freaks are?  Yeah, favorite topic of mine."  Dugan ignored the panicked look on his cameraman's face.  He'd be damned if he'd pussy-foot and softshoe around any super, whether cape or criminal.  He put an obvious fake smile on his face and handed the microphone to the living gargoyle.  "Maybe you'd prefer holding the microphone this time.  Remember, this is going out live, so if you want to spend a few minutes stringing a thought or two together before answering my questions, I'll understand."
 
Stoneface's grin slipped.  "You're lucky I'm the forgiving sort, Dugan.  And you're forgetting, this isn't about you asking questions.  It's about us Eliminators telling Professor Protector what a loser he is, and how we're going to kick his armored can back to Germany."
 
"Hmmm... last time, the Eliminators just barely escaped the good Professor's attempt to bring them in for justice.  Do you really think you have a chance against a man who is arguably the most powerful caped vigilante alive?"
 
"When he sees what we have waiting for him, he won't be alive for long."
 
Dugan smiled.  These superpowered fools, always ready to brag and boast.  Should be easy to get him to spill enough details for Professor Protector to kick the Eliminators' butts once and for all.  Not that the crusading reporter was any fan of the caped vigilante; he just hated the Eliminators more.  And Stoneface most of all.

Next Team: The Eliminators
Numbers: At least 6.
Theam: The 'backworld' counterparts of the Guardians (Marksman, Icestar, Rose, Goliath, Flare, Gargoyle, Force, Dove, Scarlet, Air Cobra) The minimum is 6, maximum is all of them.

Fee Fi Fo Fum
 
There are giants and then there are giants. 4F as he is sometimes known remains in giant form and thus causes all sorts of problems for people as he has a gargantuan appetite and thirst. His teammates tend to drug him so that they can do things that do not require a giant. However posions or gasses don't have a greater adverse effect other thin putting him to sleep. It has been claimed that he was a wimp and that some magic or whatever made him this way which would make the 4F name relevant. He often threatens to eat children just to upset people.