teh bunneh Posted July 10, 2012 Report Share Posted July 10, 2012 Re: The cranky thread Sounds like you and I are a lot alike, Mr. Vimes. There's an old folktale about a camel. It's owners wanted it to carry a load for them, so they put a box on its back. The camel was perfectly fine, so they put another box on it. Then a barrel. Then a couple of more boxes. The camel was still good, so they threw a few more barrels, some more boxes, a rolled-up persian rug, and a bunch of other stuff. The camel still looked fine, so they added one more thing, just a little tiny thing, hardly weighed anything, and the camel suddenly collapsed. "Geez," they said. "What a wimpy camel, if all it took was that one tiny little thing to crush it." That's kind of what it feels like to be me, right now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MisterVimes Posted July 10, 2012 Report Share Posted July 10, 2012 Re: The cranky thread Sounds like you and I are a lot alike, Mr. Vimes. There's an old folktale about a camel. It's owners wanted it to carry a load for them, so they put a box on its back. The camel was perfectly fine, so they put another box on it. Then a barrel. Then a couple of more boxes. The camel was still good, so they threw a few more barrels, some more boxes, a rolled-up persian rug, and a bunch of other stuff. The camel still looked fine, so they added one more thing, just a little tiny thing, hardly weighed anything, and the camel suddenly collapsed. "Geez," they said. "What a wimpy camel, if all it took was that one tiny little thing to crush it." That's kind of what it feels like to be me, right now. Not surprisingly, I've been there and I've tell you something that worked for me that I developed a long time ago. Warriors/Heroes/Problem Solvers have only one prayer, just one: "Today, let me be invincible." Not tomorrow, not next week, just today. Because, sometimes is all you can manage is today. When I found out that my ex-wife was cheating on me with my best friend, I couldn't just break down, I had to go to work, I had to live in a house with her, I had no friends (or, at least I didn't think I did), and I had to take care of my kids. There was no one to lean on -- and I'm not used to leaning on anyone. Now, I don't know your current situation, but I understand what it feels like. Your breathing gets shallow and you feel like there is no escape and every straw builds up on the camel's back. You only have so much that you can take and only so much you can give and, as hard as that is to recognize and admit, that's how "invincible" you can be. You know who you are and how tough you are. Set your limits, find another tough guy to talk to (there are plenty of us around) and take a deep cleansing breath, force a real smile, and dare the world to throw something else at you, because you ARE invincible. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Netzilla Posted July 10, 2012 Report Share Posted July 10, 2012 Re: The cranky thread This. I had several exes that said the same thing. My career has been problem solving. I'm a good man, but not necessarily A nice man. The last Ex used to tell me "you can't save everyone" and I disagreed. If not me, then who? And when you're saving the world, you really don't have time to complain. Yeah, my response to that would have been something along the lines of "So I shouldn't try to save anyone; especially those close to me?" Me, I eventually got fortunate enough to marry someone who is also interested in getting problems solved. She still wants to vent first, so I give her the chance to rant it out and once she's wound down, she's happy to accept advice from me and even follow through on it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Netzilla Posted July 10, 2012 Report Share Posted July 10, 2012 Re: The cranky thread I read an article stating that's a typical problem with couples. As a generalization, women don't want men to FIX their problems, they want them to empathize. Men, on the other hand, feel a lot of frustration when presented with a problem they aren't allowed to fix. Women want communication about a problem, men want to SOLVE them. Again, that's a vast generalization I can understand the desire to vent. I can understand the desire for an empathetic ear. I can understand wanting someone else to validate your troubles. I just don't understand why you'd want the problem to stick around and not solve it once you're done venting. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SatinKitty Posted July 10, 2012 Report Share Posted July 10, 2012 Re: The cranky thread Perhaps, as a woman, I can shed some light on this conundrum. We women, when we have a problem, just want a sympathetic ear and no judgement. It is a bad idea to give anyone advice, man or woman, as even if they ask for it, they usually don't really want it. Even if someone asks, the best thing to say is, I don't know, what do you think you should do ? Telling someone what has worked for you is better. But women especially just need a good listener. They do not want advice. The best thing to do when a woman tells you her problems is to just listen and then give her a hug. No woman wants a quick fix. If you give her that, she will think you are not listening or taking her seriously. So the best thing to do when a woman tells you her problems is to just listen. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Old Man Posted July 10, 2012 Report Share Posted July 10, 2012 Re: The cranky thread Sounds like you and I are a lot alike, Mr. Vimes. There's an old folktale about a camel. It's owners wanted it to carry a load for them, so they put a box on its back. The camel was perfectly fine, so they put another box on it. Then a barrel. Then a couple of more boxes. The camel was still good, so they threw a few more barrels, some more boxes, a rolled-up persian rug, and a bunch of other stuff. The camel still looked fine, so they added one more thing, just a little tiny thing, hardly weighed anything, and the camel suddenly collapsed. "Geez," they said. "What a wimpy camel, if all it took was that one tiny little thing to crush it." That's kind of what it feels like to be me, right now. Camel: "Hey, doofus, this crap's getting heavy! Ya mind?!" Though of course, I too would probably never say anything until it was too late. I don't mind telling people about my problems, but IME my problems either just freak people out and cause more problems, or else they just worry about me when they have plenty of problems of their own. So I soldier on in silence, wearing my Vimes-tight. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MisterVimes Posted July 10, 2012 Report Share Posted July 10, 2012 Re: The cranky thread Camel: "Hey, doofus, this crap's getting heavy! Ya mind?!" Though of course, I too would probably never say anything until it was too late. I don't mind telling people about my problems, but IME my problems either just freak people out and cause more problems, or else they just worry about me when they have plenty of problems of their own. So I soldier on in silence, wearing my Vimes-tight. There is little in life more frustrating to people I love than when they ask me "can I help?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CrosshairCollie Posted July 10, 2012 Report Share Posted July 10, 2012 Re: The cranky thread I miss my wife, but I'll feel like a pest if I call her again tonight. Addendum: Good news, trash is out. Bad news ... I am now utterly winded, which frankly is embarassing. I know I actually have an excuse, what with the chronic illness and all, but f**k, I should not be panting and wheezing from taking out the freakin' garbage. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MisterVimes Posted July 10, 2012 Report Share Posted July 10, 2012 Re: The cranky thread Perhaps, as a woman, I can shed some light on this conundrum. We women, when we have a problem, just want a sympathetic ear and no judgement. It is a bad idea to give anyone advice, man or woman, as even if they ask for it, they usually don't really want it. Even if someone asks, the best thing to say is, I don't know, what do you think you should do ? Telling someone what has worked for you is better. But women especially just need a good listener. They do not want advice. The best thing to do when a woman tells you her problems is to just listen and then give her a hug. No woman wants a quick fix. If you give her that, she will think you are not listening or taking her seriously. So the best thing to do when a woman tells you her problems is to just listen. THIS. It took me a long time to learn this and I am finally with a woman that lets me practice this art and also understands that I am a self-destructive monster with delusions of hero-dom. She lets me try and save the day and I shut up and listen. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
teh bunneh Posted July 10, 2012 Report Share Posted July 10, 2012 Re: The cranky thread Camel: "Hey, doofus, this crap's getting heavy! Ya mind?!" Though of course, I too would probably never say anything until it was too late. I don't mind telling people about my problems, but IME my problems either just freak people out and cause more problems, or else they just worry about me when they have plenty of problems of their own. So I soldier on in silence, wearing my Vimes-tight. Most of the time I can handle my problems, and I don't need any help or any sympathy. But on those days it becomes too much, it tends to be really, really, really too much. If I'm asking for help, I tend to be at my wit's end and ready to snap. I'm ten tons of dynamite with a mile-long fuse. The fuse can burn harmlessly for a very, very long time without anyone (including myself) noticing. But once it's burned all the way to the end, there's going to be a huge explosion. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Klytus Posted July 10, 2012 Report Share Posted July 10, 2012 Re: The cranky thread Perhaps, as a woman, I can shed some light on this conundrum. We women, when we have a problem, just want a sympathetic ear and no judgement. It is a bad idea to give anyone advice, man or woman, as even if they ask for it, they usually don't really want it. Even if someone asks, the best thing to say is, I don't know, what do you think you should do ? Telling someone what has worked for you is better. But women especially just need a good listener. They do not want advice. The best thing to do when a woman tells you her problems is to just listen and then give her a hug. No woman wants a quick fix. If you give her that, she will think you are not listening or taking her seriously. So the best thing to do when a woman tells you her problems is to just listen. After a number of bad relationships, I learned my lesson. So, when the ladies in my life got started on venting about something, I would ask "What do you need, here: an ear to bend, or help solving the problem?" Once I knew the answer, I could go into the proper listening mode (there is a big difference between listening with empathy and listening analytically) and be present for them in the way they really needed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MisterVimes Posted July 10, 2012 Report Share Posted July 10, 2012 Re: The cranky thread I'm ten tons of dynamite with a mile-long fuse. The fuse can burn harmlessly for a very' date=' very long time without anyone (including myself) noticing. But once it's burned all the way to the end, there's going to be a huge explosion.[/quote'] We understand. [ATTACH=CONFIG]43872[/ATTACH] Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tkdguy Posted July 11, 2012 Report Share Posted July 11, 2012 Re: The cranky thread Most of the time I can handle my problems, and I don't need any help or any sympathy. But on those days it becomes too much, it tends to be really, really, really too much. If I'm asking for help, I tend to be at my wit's end and ready to snap. I'm ten tons of dynamite with a mile-long fuse. The fuse can burn harmlessly for a very, very long time without anyone (including myself) noticing. But once it's burned all the way to the end, there's going to be a huge explosion. I understand you, brother. I can't talk to anyone about my problems either. Small wonder I often feel the need to blow up. Hang in there. We're here with you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AmadanNaBriona Posted July 11, 2012 Report Share Posted July 11, 2012 Re: The cranky thread This place is like tough guy group therapy sometimes. Fight Club without all the blood, pain, and fun. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tkdguy Posted July 11, 2012 Report Share Posted July 11, 2012 Re: The cranky thread True, even if it's just because we'd end up in jail if we did what we want to do sometimes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Old Man Posted July 11, 2012 Report Share Posted July 11, 2012 Re: The cranky thread This place is like tough guy group therapy sometimes. Fight Club without all the blood, pain, and fun. I find myself wishing we could get together for fight club sometimes. Strangely I feel better about doing that with people I "know". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tkdguy Posted July 11, 2012 Report Share Posted July 11, 2012 Re: The cranky thread Can't we just call out "Fight Club!" on the street, so we can just start pounding on people who deserve it? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Old Man Posted July 11, 2012 Report Share Posted July 11, 2012 Re: The cranky thread Can't we just call out "Fight Club!" on the street' date=' so we can just start pounding on people who deserve it?[/quote'] I think that is banned under rules 1 and 2, and probably 6. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gewing Posted July 12, 2012 Report Share Posted July 12, 2012 Re: The cranky thread So, while we were away, my sister-in-law had a housecleaning service come in and do the main floor of the house. Finding things is ... problematic. So far only one thing is almost certainly improperly removed (meaning: they decided it was disposable, and I disagree), that being a ball out of a trackball mouse, but it means I'll have to get a new mouse that I can plug in rather than use the guilty-of-incestuous-rape touchpads on our internet-capable machines. The joys of having a clean house are overrated. People still use trackball mice? Trackball mice rock' date=' Old Man.[/quote'] I love the trackball mice, but have worn out all the ones I had... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gewing Posted July 12, 2012 Report Share Posted July 12, 2012 Re: The cranky thread Or I could use an optical mouse and save myself two minutes and a lot of aggravation... have to be able to move it around... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gewing Posted July 12, 2012 Report Share Posted July 12, 2012 Re: The cranky thread I am a softy. and a whiner. Damn. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Xavier Onassiss Posted July 12, 2012 Report Share Posted July 12, 2012 Re: The cranky thread I love the trackball mice' date=' but have worn out all the ones I had...[/quote'] I used to have a Logitech ergonomic trackball that was teh awesome, but it no longer works and they've discontinued that model so replacing it is impossible. This is why I'm cranky: as soon as I find something I really like, they stop making it, while crap I don't need proliferates. So my next mouse purchase is going to be one of these. But I'll be buying it online 'cuz none of the stores around here would ever deign to consider stocking anything this useful. They've got useless crap to sell, dang it! Meanwhile, it's 4am and once again I'm not the least bit sleepy. No idea WTF is wrong with me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Klytus Posted July 12, 2012 Report Share Posted July 12, 2012 Re: The cranky thread I used to have a Logitech ergonomic trackball that was teh awesome' date=' but it no longer works and they've discontinued that model so replacing it is impossible. This is why I'm cranky: as soon as I find something I really like, they stop making it, while crap I don't need proliferates. So my next mouse purchase is going to be one of these. But I'll be buying it online 'cuz none of the stores around here would ever deign to consider stocking anything this useful. They've got useless crap to sell, dang it! Word. I have a Microsoft trackball mouse that has served me well over the years, and I dread the day it will need to be replaced, for none of the other trackballs I've seen have the same feel, or that the ones that come the closest are WIRELESS, and I most emphatically do.not.want. a wireless mouse for my PC. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SatinKitty Posted July 12, 2012 Report Share Posted July 12, 2012 Re: The cranky thread I have, over the course of this Summer, sent three perfectly nice ham and cheese omelets to their grave. One of them was made to order at a buffet. I must remember that no matter how hungry I feel in the morning, I have very little appetite until about 2:00-3:00 pm, then I'm famished. Unless, of course, I stay up all night or get up early as I did this morning. Then the hunger never stops. Still couldn't eat though. There is nothing worse than being hungry and being unable to make yourself eat. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
megaplayboy Posted July 12, 2012 Report Share Posted July 12, 2012 Re: The cranky thread Man! How could our marriage counselor have figured out my wife has Daddy issues after just six sessions, when I've known her for 17 years and been involved romantically for 7 and didn't put two and two together? I knew she had issues with her mom favoring her sister growing up, and has a tendency towards negativity similar to her mom, but I didn't realize until now that her unrealistic expectations for my performance as a husband were based on some paternal ideal she was striving for. If I had realized this 4 or 5 years ago, I could have addressed it with her and maybe we wouldn't be where we are now... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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